Picking up the Pieces
by Eriana10
Summary: Everything was going right for Eriana Tabris. She was in love with Zevran, and they were beginning their life together. Life was good. Then it all fell apart. How do you pick up the pieces of a broken life, a broken heart? Sequel to Just Follow My Lead.
1. Chapter 1

A/N – This story is a sequel to my first story "Just Follow My Lead," which followed my city elf, Eriana Tabris, through the Origins story line. This story will follow that Awakening time line and beyond. In the first story, Eriana romanced Zevran and recruited Loghain, who killed the archdemon.

With a Blight defeated and a King crowned, Ferelden began the slow process of rebuilding. Money, supplies, and aid poured in from surrounding nations, all grateful to Ferelden for stopping the Blight before it managed to spread throughout Thedas. Stories of Ferelden's new warrior king and the elven woman turned hero spread throughout the lands. Ballads and epic songs touted the exploits of the Hero of Ferelden and her band of companions as well as the redemptive sacrifice of Loghain Mac Tar, the Hero of River Dane. Families across the war-torn nation began returning home to rebuild ruined homes and farms, while Denerim itself bustled with the activity of rebuilding.

In the midst of all the commotion and admiration, the Hero of Fereleden herself tried desperately to remain inconspicuous, quietly overseeing repairs to the Grey Warden compound and recruiting new Wardens into the Order. Recruiting was proving to be quite easy for Eriana Tabris, Commander of the Grey, Hero of Ferelden. Many people were quite eager to join the ranks of the Heroes. Ser Brenden, the Redcliff knight who had fought against the archdemon with her and had carried her back from Fort Drakon after the battle, had quickly become her second in command. She had also recruited several Dalish archers, a handful of dwarven warriors, and a pair of circle mages. Brenden and Zevran had taken over the task of evaluating new recruits and running training sessions for the new Wardens while Eriana was overwhelmed with the administrative details that came with her new position as Arlessa and Warden Commander. She was trying to ensure that the Denerim complex was in order before they made the move to Amaranthine.

In the four months following the fall of the archdemon, the Ferelden Wardens had successfully added ten new Wardens, not exactly a massive force, but five times larger than the force that stopped the Blight, Eriana often reminded herself. Life was busy for the young elf, but she had never been happier. She and Zevran had fallen into a comfortable, almost domestic routine while living in the palace, but she never once broached to subject of putting him through the Joining. Truth be told, she was too afraid of losing him in the ritual and too afraid that he would say yes to ever mention it to him. So he stayed by her side in an unofficial role, assisting with the training sessions during the day for the Warden and spending the evenings with her.

The early days of Cloudreach found Eriana in the training yard, perched on the fence, watching as Zevran put her newest recruit, Garen, through his paces. The young rogue obviously lacked formal training, but he had a good deal of natural skill. He was a fast, agile mover and quick to improvise. She was impressed with what she was seeing, but she needed a second opinion. Calling Brenden over, she asked his opinion of the rogue.

Brenden frowned and shook his head. "Gotta say, Commander, I don't particularly like this one. I don't know; he just seems shifty to me."

Eriana grinned as she nudged him with her foot. "Oh, you're just saying that because he tried to seal from you."

"He did steal from me! He would have gotten away with it if you two weren't there to catch him."

Eriana rolled her eyes, "Look, it's not our fault that you're completely oblivious to your surroundings. Besides, we had to see if he was any good."

"So you two set me up?"

"Nah, but we noticed him tailing us as soon as we entered the market place, thief's intuition. But putting all that aside, what do you think of the man's skills?"

Brenden sighed. "Well, he's quick as a whip, but we already knew that, didn't we?" he added with slight grin. "His skill with the blades is really raw, but he seems to be learning really quickly. Either that or Zevran's losing his touch." (That comment received an insulted "Hey" from the otherwise occupied elf). "I think, given some time and some training, he'd probably turn into a descent fighter. And," he added after a brief pause, "he's not tried to steal from me since he's gotten here, so maybe he's willing to change."

Eriana nodded, "I talked to him about that; he was definitely excited for a chance to get off the streets. Crime seemed more like a necessity for survival rather than a chosen lifestyle for him."

"Maybe, I guess he could be a good kid, but I'm not too thrilled about working with someone with a shady background."

Eriana started giggling so much that she almost fell off the fence. "What? What did I say?"

"I've never told you how I came to be a Warden, have I?" Brended shook his head. "Well, I'll have to tell you sometime. Sufficeth to say, if you don't like him because he's a common thief, you definitely wouldn't like me. And you'd loath Zevran!"

"Ohhh, I'm intrigued."

"Like I said, a story for another day, my friend," Eriana said as she turned her attention back to the training session. She and Brenden were watching them, discussing possible techniques to teach him when a nervous looking elf, one of Alistair's personal attendants, approached them.

"Excuse me Ser…I mean Commander…I mean My Lady, but his Majesty requests your attendance…your presence…"

Eriana sighed and hopped down off the fence. "Maker's Breath Kaiden, we went to Chantry school together. You poured a whole tankard of ale on me when we were twelve; just call me Eriana."

"Right, yes, my Lady, but that was before…well you know."

"Before you became the most adored person in the nation, mi amora," Zevran shouted from across the training yard. "You make everyone nervous now, I'm afraid."

Eriana shook her head and turned back to the other elf, "Tell Alistair I'll be up in a moment."

"Well, what about him?" Brenden gestured toward Garen and Zevran after the attendant left. "Are we going to be doing a joining tomorrow?"

"Nah, I'd like to get a chance to fight him first. Not that I don't trust Zevran's assessment completely," she added over her shoulder, "but you don't really know someone till you fight them. I better go; don't want to keep His Highness waiting," she said with a grin. "See you at lunch, Zev."

Eriana turned to make her way out of the training yard when she heard a grunt and the sound of someone hitting the ground. She turned to see Zevran standing over the human rogue who was lying on his back, looking up at him, dazed. "Now, now my friend, if you are going to gawk at our lovely commander as she walks away, you need to make sure I am equally distracted, no?"

"So I'm not distracting to you anymore," Eriana shouted back. "I must be losing my touch, then."

"No, mi amora, but if I allowed myself to be that distracted by you, I would have been dead long ago, beheaded by some darkspawn. It's a skill, knowing how to watch you and still remain aware of my surroundings. A skill I mastered long ago."

Eriana laughed and blew him a kiss as she made her inside way to find Alistair. She found him in his study sitting at his massive desk in the overly pretentious chair that neither Anora nor Eamon would let him get rid of. He smiled at her as she entered and gestured to the fruit tray in the corner.

"Thanks, Alistair," she said as she grabbed an apple. "I'm starving. I know I can always count on you to have food." She plopped down in one of the seats in front of his desk and watched as he finished the letter he was writing. "So, how are you enjoying married life; Anora treating you okay?"

Alistair chuckled for a second. "It's alright I guess. We're still getting to know each other. The first night was…um.."

"Awkward?"

"Yeeeaaaah, let's go with awkward because sleeping with a cold unresponsive ice queen is simply too harsh. If it hadn't been for Zevran's advice…"

"Ha, so you did listen to what he was saying. Here I thought you just stuck your fingers in your ears and hummed to yourself," Eriana said with a giggle. "You know, he can give you some more advice that would make her, you know, more responsive. Who knows, you both may actually begin to enjoy married life."

"Ugh, I'm almost afraid to ask. I always thought that when I actually, you know, did it, it would be with someone I loved. What is it that Zevran always says, 'Fate is a tricky whore?' It would figure that my first time would be with someone that I didn't even like." He glanced up at Eriana, who had a sly grin on her face. "Yeah, I know, I know, it's my own fault, but never mind. I didn't bring you up here to talk about my personal life. You have some correspondence from the First Warden and the Orlesian Commander."

Eriana read the letter from Weisshaupt first, laughing to herself once she finished. "Now this is probably the first time a First Warden has ever written a letter like this. First, it welcomes me to the Order, the congratulates me on a successful defeat of the Blight, and officially declares me Warden Commander of Ferelden all in one letter. He also informs me that he expects me to be in Amaranthine by the beginning of Bloomingtide and that I will be getting additional Wardens from Orlais."

"How many?"

Eriana scanned the letter from Orlais, "Twelve. If Garen makes it through the joining, that will give us twelve too, if you include me. Twenty-four, that's not so bad."

"And they'll meet you in Amaranthine in two months then?" Eriana nodded. "I wish we could get them here sooner. I've gotten several reports this week about some darkspawn attacks in the south." He gestured toward the map on the desk in front of him as he got up and moved beside her. "See, the attacks spread out all across Southern Ferelden; small bands, but still enough to make the Banns nervous."

Eriana got up and looked at the map and sighed. "It will take months to investigate all of those. I mean they stretch from the Hinderlands all the way to Gwaren; plus, we'd need to make sure the Wilds are cleared out as much as possible." She turned and started pacing across his office, muttering to herself. "We can't wait two months to react to this; not without angering all the Banns to the south. And there is no way I can do a good job and make it to Amaranthine in time."

There was only one option, really. The Ferelden Wardens were strong enough in number to deal with the situation in the South, and thanks to the new Wardens coming in from Orlais, there would be enough to deal with any other issues that might arise in other parts of the nation. Eriana moved to the door and called for Kaiden. "Could you go get Zevran, Ser Brenden, and Ser Perth for me, please?" Alistair raised an eyebrow. "Don't worry, I'm not going to recruit the captain of your guard, but he needs to know that we'll be leaving in a few days."

Alistair sighed, "I was afraid of that. When do you plan to leave?"

"In three days, four at the most. The way I see it, we need to get into the southern lands as quickly as possible. We need to respond to this fast to keep the trust of the people. What?"

Alistair shook his head, "It's nothing, not really…it's just…well you've been with me for over a year now, and I'm not quite ready to see you off. It's weird, you know, the thought of not having you close by." He walked over to Eriana and pulled her into a big hug. "You're the closest thing I have to family, and after all we've been through, I really can't imagine what things will be like once you're gone."

Eriana grinned as she looked up at the handsome King, her best friend, her brother in arms. "I know how you feel, but I wasn't the one who went and gave me an entire Arling to run. Surely you realized that would mean I'd have to actually live there, right?"

"Yeah, I guess to, but it still doesn't make it any easier," he said.

"Well, well, married only three weeks, and already fleeing into the arms of another woman," Zevran said, as he waltzed into the office. "I am afraid, however, that you have chosen someone who is already otherwise claimed." Eriana grinned and patted Alistair on the arm before stepping out of his embrace. Zevran wrapped his arms around her from behind and placed a quick kiss on her jaw line, just beneath her ear.

"Here," she said, handing the letters to him as she and Alistiar turned back to study the map. Zevran made his way around the desk, and flopped down in Alistair's chair, draping one leg across one arm and leaning back against the other arm. Eriana chuckled and nudged Alistair. "It's a good thing we're not in the throne room."

Zevran looked up, "What? This is the most comfortable chair here, is it not, and you are not using it." He chuckled and continued reading over the Wardens' letters as Brenden and Ser Perth can into the room.

"Alright," Eriana said, after explaining the situation to Brenden, "we will be leaving for Lothering in three days. I'll stay with you all for a few weeks while we get started, but Brenden, I will be leaving you in charge of things. You will need to investigate the locations where there have been reported darkspawn attacks and work to clear out any groups that you happen to encounter while you are down there. I expect that this whole thing will take several months, five at the very least, so we'll set up a base at Lothering. The Banns in the area will supply you with what you need.

"While you are down there, Zevran and I will travel to Highever then to Amaranthine. I have to swear fealty to Fergus Coulsland before I get settled in at Virgil's Keep. I've been corresponding with Varel, my seneschal in Amaranthine, and he informed me that I need to visit Highever before I assume control of the Arling. Zev and I will then meet up with the Orlesian Wardens in Amaranthine in two months, so we'll have a group of Wardens in the north and the south of the country.

"Ser Perth, since we are leaving, the defense of the city will fall to you. We've not encountered any darkspawn in months, so it should be a problem. Alistair will sense them if there are any in the area, and should something happen, Amaranthine is a three-day ride from here. I'll also need you to assess any recruits who come while we're gone. You've practiced with us enough; you know what I look for. If someone seems like they'd be a good recruit, send them to Amaranthine, and I'll deal with them from there. Any questions?"

Brenden cleared his throat. "Are you sure that I'm ready for this? After all, I've only been a Grey Warden for four months."

Eriana and Alistair glanced at each other and smiled. "I was a Warden for less than a week when I started leading us against the Blight. You were with me during the battle of Denerim; trust me, you're ready."

Brenden thanked her and assured her that he would get the other Wardens ready to leave. After the two knights left, Eriana moved around the desk to sit with Zevran in Alistair's chair as the King stood in front of them, leaning back against his desk. For a while the three talked, working out the specifics of her plans. "I'm going to really miss you two," Alistair said, looking down at the elven couple. "The castle just isn't going to be the same without you, both of you."

Eriana smiled, leaning back into Zevran's arms, "Well, I can think of a few people who probably don't share your feelings. Namely…"

"Alistair, I need to talk to you about…Oh," Eamon said as he barged in the office, only to stop short at the sight of the two elves in the King's chair while the King stood in front of them. He huffed and glared at Eriana for a moment before turning to Alistair. "Really, Alistair, do you think this is appropriate? I know these elves are your friends, but really, do they need to sit in your chair? Don't you realize how this could be interpreted? It was Maric's chair afterall."

"Speak of the archdemon," Zevran whispered in her ear. Eriana's grinned, but never took her eyes off Eamon. Their relationship had never really been a strong one, but since the fall of the archdemon and Eriana's subsequent appointment as an arlessa, Eamon had grown down-right hostile toward her.

Alistair waved it off, "We were just talking, Eamon, don't get your smalls in a wad. Besides, the Wardens are heading south in a few days, and I wanted to spend time with them before they go."

"Fine, fine," Eamon said, behaving as though Eriana and Zevran weren't even there, "just please remember who you are and what they are."

"Oh, I think he knows exactly what I am," Eriana said, standing up. "I'm the Warden Commander of the Ferelden Grey, and Alistair is one of my Grey Wardens. And if you remember, the Wardens are under the control of no King, so I suppose that makes him my subordinate."

Eamon turned and glared at her. "You are also an arlessa," he said, not even bothering to hide the bitterness in his voice, "and as such, he is your liege lord."

"Then you would do well to remember that yourself, Arl Eamon. He is not a young boy you can send to the stables anymore," she spat at him. "He is your King, and by his grace you serve as his chancellor. That gives you the right to advise, not to lord over him, despite your best attempts to the contrary, Your Grace." Eriana glanced at Alistair who was trying desperately to stifle a laugh. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed Zevran's hand. "Your Majesty, as we will be leaving soon, we have much to do to prepare."

Alistair smiled, "I'll swing by later tonight after I've taken care of this."

Eriana nodded to the King and grabbed her letters before heading back to her room with Zevran. "I absolutely hate that man," she growled once they were safely enclosed in their room. "He has treated me like bronto droppings ever since we met, and it kills him that we are of the same social standing now."

Zevran wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead gently. "Ah, mi amora, don't let his ignorance upset you. It just frustrates him that Alistair holds your advice in the same esteem as his. Unlike our golden King, Eamon is unable to see beyond your race to appreciate what a rare and beautiful thing you are. I'm afraid he is far too steeped in his ways to see you or me as anything more than an elf, and it kills him that you have become far more to everyone in this nation. Alistair sees him for what he is, yes? So don't let it distress you; we have far more important thing to do than worry about the racism of fools."

Eriana glanced up at him, "Like the fact that we will soon find ourselves on the road, sleeping in tents again, without the benefit of stone walls that separate us from our neighbors and without the comforts of a full sized bed."

"Ah, how right you are, my beautiful Warden. Perhaps," he said, placing a kiss on her neck, "we need to take advantage of our privacy while we can, yes." Without another word, he swept her off her feet and carried her to their bed.

"I love you so much, Zevran."

"And I love you too, mi amora."


	2. Chapter 2

Three days later, Eriana stood in the palace bailey, supervising the final preparations for their departure. She had managed to procure several horses which would be ridden by three of her former knights, Garen (who had successfully undergone his joining the day before), and Niko, one of the two Warden mages. Brenden and Dillon, the other Redcliffe knight who had joined the Order, volunteered to drive the wagons, and Eriana decided that Cybele and Delian, the twin Dalish archers should ride with them incase they needed to fend off an attack along the way. The rest of the Wardens, Eriana herself included, would be riding with the supplies and equipment in a pair of wagons. It had taken her and Zevran the better part of two days to pack up their things and sort out what they would be carrying with them and what they would be sending ahead to Amaranthine. Eriana had no idea how they had managed to accumulate so much stuff in four short months, but it had taken four very large crates to pack and store the combined belongings of the two elves. But she was ready to go; all she had to do was wait for Alistair so she could leave.

The King strolled into the courtyard flanked by the Queen and Eamon. Time for the formal goodbyes.

Alistair gave a brief speech, thanking the Wardens for their assistance in the rebuilding efforts in Denerim and wishing them fortune on their travels. "You have done a great service to this nation; may we never forget that. May the Maker speed you on your way, and may his blessed Bride offer you her protection and guidance." Eriana smiled as Alistair went to each of her Wardens individually to say goodbye, saving her and Zevran for last. "I'm really going to miss the two of you," he said after giving Eriana a quick, but formal, hug. "This castle is going to be so boring. You do realize you're leaving me alone with Anora and Eamon," he whispered to them.

"Duty calls, my Prince; besides, Amaranthine is close. You are welcome to come by anytime; you are still a Warden, after all."

"Yeah, but I'd still give anything to be riding out there with you again instead of stuck here doing all this kingly stuff."

Eriana huffed, "Right because living in a palace is such a hardship; shame on me for laying this huge inconvenience on you." She rolled her eyes up at him. "Besides, there will be no riding off for me, not if I can help it."

Alistair grinned wickedly and glanced over to Zevran. "I was hoping you would say something like that." He gave a sharp whistle and turned toward the courtyard entrance. A servant came in, leading a beautiful white and brown charger that was saddled and ready for the journey. Eriana gave an audible groan as the servant led the horse to the King. "It is customary for the Crown to give gifts to departing war heroes, and since I knew that you would be doing a great deal of traveling, I thought a horse would be the perfect gift." Then he lowered his voice so only Eriana and Zevran could hear, "Plus I knew you'd do everything you could to get out of riding a horse."

Eriana glanced over at Zevran, "You were in on this; weren't you?"

Zevran grinned and shrugged, "We both agreed that it wouldn't be fitting to have the Hero of Ferelden ride from Denerim huddled down in the back of a hay wagon."

"And me falling off a horse is so much more dignified then?" Eriana growled as she glanced up at the massive beast. "I'll never forgive either of you for this, I hope you know that. And could you have maybe found a horse a little bigger? I mean, look at that thing, it's huge."

Alistair smiled and patted the charger on the neck. "He's a sturdy war horse, and he could come in handy in fights as well. Don't worry, you'll do fine. I'm sure Zev won't let you fall," he said as he gave her a boost into the saddle. He sighed as Zevran hopped up behind her and took the reigns. "Maker speed you, my friend." He looked over at Zevran, "Take good care of her; she's important to all of us."

Alistair gave Eriana a quick pat on the leg, "I am sorry to spring this on you, Ana, but I have another present for you to make up for this one. It will be waiting for you when you get to Highever."

Eriana huffed as at him from up in the saddle. "It better be a big present," she muttered to herself. "I will write to you once we get to Highever. I may have forgiven you for this by then." Alistair laughed as he walked back to stand with Anora and Eamon, both of whom looked absolutely thrilled that the Wardens were leaving

With their goodbyes finally said, Eriana and the Ferelden Wardens made their way out of the city, headed South toward Lothering.

* * *

Getting Eriana on horseback had proven to be the most difficult obstacle that Zevran encountered during those first few days of travel. He hated to admit it, but after several months of living in the palace, he was actually happy to be on the road again. A city elf to the core, he did miss the creature comforts that came with living in the palace, but he thoroughly enjoyed the camaraderie among his new travel companions. There were no darkspawn so close to Denerim, and most groups of bandits were wise enough to avoid such a well-armed group, so their first few days of travel were relatively worry free. The only group that did attempt to ambush them was quickly put down by a particularly well-placed fireball from Niko, who had an impressive array of offensives spells, and a volley of arrows from Zevran, Eriana, and the Dalish twins. The ranged attacks were so efficient that the entire company of bandits was dead before the three dwarfs even got out of the wagons. "Would you save some for us next time, mageling?" grunted Trom, a former member of the Orzammar Warrior Caste, in a very Ogren-like manner. "It's been three months since I've sunk my ax into something living."

Niko laughed, "Well if your legs were a bit longer, maybe you'd get to it faster, my vertically challenged friend."

Trom stared at the mage for a minute before he started broke into a good-natured laugh. "You know, you're alright, for a magic user."

Later that night at camp, as Niko and Trom shared a flask of ale and exchanged stories about the Battle of Denerim, Eriana made her way over to their newest Warden. "Garen, do you know what this is," she asked him, tossing a small box over to the former thief.

Garen looked at the box for a minute. "Yeah, it's a lock box like the ones they use to train bards in Orlais. I've only seen one or two of these before; the guards will usually destroy them if they ever find one."

"Do you think you can get through all of them?"

"Of course," he said confidently, pulling out his lock-picking tools and focusing on the box. Zevran made his way over to the pair and positioned himself behind Eriana, massaging her shoulders as they watched the young thief's nimble fingers as he worked on the box.

"He's almost as good as you," Zevran whispered to her as Garen quickly opened the first five locks. "It almost makes you miss the good old days when we were pocketing everything that wasn't nailed down and breaking into every locked crate in Ferelden." He sighed dramatically as the human finished with the final lock, "Ah, what a magical time that was."

"You almost sound as if you miss the Blight." Eriana said looking back at him. "I think I prefer having a steady income from the crown and the bannorn. Saves me time anyway." She glanced over at the thief, "That was good, Garen, but tell me one thing. Do you keep all your lock picks there in that pouch?" He nodded. "You may want to consider hiding some of them elsewhere on your person. You never know when you'll find yourself separated from your things." She reached up into the braids in her hair and pulled out three picks, and Zevran sitting behind her did the same.

Brenden, who had just sat down beside her, rolled his eyes, "Teaching him tricks of the trade?"

"No, just survival skills. During the Blight, I was imprisoned and all my things were taken from me. If I hadn't had some picks hidden in my hair, I would have had a very difficult time escaping. And as for that," she gestured toward the lockbox in Garen's hand, "I want you to use it to teach anyone with any dexterity to use that. Anyone with rogue training should be able to pick basic locks easily."

"So, you want me to teach them how to steal?"

Eriana shook her head, "Not exactly. I don't want you all taking things illegally, especially since we're decently funded at present, but I can't tell you how many locked crates I came across during the Blight. It's just a good skill to have. Things were different while we were fighting the Blight. We were already operating outside the law, and we had to fund an army on top of that. There were a lot of things that we did then that I wouldn't condone now."

"Like what," Brenden and Garen asked together.

"Ever hear of the Dark Wolf?"

"Yeah," Garen said, excitement growing in his voice. "Man that guy was a legend in Denerim. He pulled off jobs that most of us could only dream of. Why, are you saying…"

"Yep, that was me." Zevran shook his head and gave her a quick jab in the ribs. "I mean that was us, Zev and I. We were short on funds, so the two of us took on some less savory side jobs to earn some extra money. We kept it as secret as possible since Alistair would have pitched a fit if he ever found out."

"And Wynne," Zevran whispered.

Eriana laughed, "Oh, man, could you imagine the lecture that one would have earned me. Maker's breath, that woman pitched a fit over the fact that we were sleeping together; imagine what she would have said if she ever found out we were working with thieves and assassins."

"Assassins too?" Brenden asked, surprised.

"I told you, Brenden, you really wouldn't like me if we had met in another life. But I was in a tough spot then. I had to do whatever I could to stop the Blight, and if that meant stealing from some uppity nobles, heck yeah, I'd do it. And if it meant assassinating Loghain's associates, sign me up. But, and let me be clear here, don't take this as an invitation for you to engage in the same kind of behavior. The Wardens are in a much stronger position now and we actually have a good reputation, and we cannot jeopardize that, not now. Understood?" The thief nodded and moved away to the other side of the camp toward the pretty twin elves.

"Do you think that's wise, commander; havin him teach all of them to use those things?"

Eriana smiled. "It's a good skill to have, believe me, even if it isn't used for illicit purposes. It's good to have multiple people trained in various skills; that's why we've been teaching the twins to use poisons and melee weapons. During the Blight, we all worked together, training and learning from each other. Zevran was good with poisons and melee weapons, so he taught me to use those effectively. I was a good pickpocket, archer, and a decent lock-picker, so I helped him with that."

"I guess," Zevran added, "that to a knight, our fighting techniques seem a bit underhanded and dirty, but try to understand, we aren't fighting in a tourney out here. Darkspawn don't care about fair fighting. Look at Eriana and I. There is no way we could go up against hurlocks fighting as you do; we simply aren't strong enough. So we play to our strengths, which are speed and dexterity. They can't kill what they can't see or hit."

"That makes sense," said Brenden after a moment, "but why the lock picking and pick pocketing?"

"All these skills work together," Eriana said. "You strengthen one, you strengthen them all. If you can get in close enough to someone to pick their pocket, you can get close enough to stab them or poison them."

"I guess I see where you're coming from. You know, it would probably good for the warriors too if we worked together and learned from each other. I mean, have you seen what Trom can do with an ax? Maker alive, it's amazing, and it would probably be good if someone else knew that templar stuff the king taught me." Brenden stood up and looked around the camp. "I think I'll go talk to them and see if they'd be willing to teach a few of the knights to fight like that. Thanks Commander."

Zevran wrapped his arms around his Warden. "Ahh, our little Wardens are finally growing up. Pretty soon they'll be slaying dragons all by themselves. I'm so proud."

"Me too. I think they'll be just fine without us."

* * *

Eriana and Zevran stayed with the Wardens in Lothering for a week before heading north toward Highever and leaving Brenden in command of the order. Eriana spent most of that week working with the chantry and local lords, securing supplies and lodging for her Wardens as well as mapping out a tentative plan of action with Brenden. The problem was bigger than they realized, so it would probably be six or seven months before the Ferelden Wardens could join them in Amaranthine. Zevran realized that their departure was difficult for Eriana; she felt that she was abandoning her duty, leaving others behind to fight darkspawn while she was doing paperwork and administrative tasks, but such was the life of a commander. For his part, Zevran was happy to be alone with her.

"I just realized something, my dear Ana," he said to her one night as they were laying out under a blanket of stars. They were a few days from Highever, and the night air had been so warm the past few evenings that they hadn't even bothered to pitch a tent, choosing instead to sleep in the open, making love under the stars.

"Hum, what was that Zevran?"

"This is the first time we've ever truly been alone." Eriana lifted her head from his chest and looked at him, a confused look crossing her face. "No, think about it. For months we traveled with a large group of companions, no privacy there. Then we move into the palace where there are guards and servants at our constant beck and call, no true privacy there. But here we are, together, and not another soul for miles, just you and me."

"And the dog."

Zevran laughed, "Yes, how could I ever forget Ramoth." He kissed her forehead and stroked her hair lightly. "We have been together for so long, but for these past two weeks, you have been mine and mine alone. No pressing Grey Warden matters to attend to; no emergencies of state for you to deal with; no 'Warden, find my sword," "Warden, kill my mentor," "Warden make me a sandwich.' Nothing but us."

Eriana smiled and nuzzled her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I guess I never realized that, but you're right," she said lazily. "This has been nice, just the two of us. It almost makes me feel normal."

"Ah, yes, but how boring that would be, no?" Zevran said, trying hard to keep the wistfulness out of his voice. Eriana muttered something in response, but she was drifting off to sleep, so Zevran didn't ask her to repeat it. Instead, he simply watched her as she dozed off in his arms.

A normal life. A few short months ago the thought of a normal life would have been enough to send him running very quickly in the opposite direction. What did he know of normal anyway? He had been raised by whores and assassins; he had known nothing of normalcy. But this woman, this beautiful, wonderful, deadly woman who had become the center of his universe, had changed all that without him even realizing it. Now he longed for a taste of normalcy, a home, a job (one that didn't necessarily involve killing things), and children. How ironic it was that the woman who had awaken those desires in him was unable herself to fulfill them for him.

But he didn't want these things only for himself. He wanted them for her as well. A normal life wouldn't be worth living without Eriana in it. He wanted a life for her free of worry and stress, a life where he could shield her from anything that wanted to harm her. But he couldn't provide that for her. He was a wanted assassin, and she was the Warden Commander. Try as he might, there was nothing he could do to completely ensure her safety, but he would do whatever he could to try. He would cut down every darkspawn, werewolf, bandit, crow, or walking tree that tried to harm her. He would throw himself between her and a thousand different dangers if it meant preserving her life.

As he was mulling over these thoughts, Eriana tensed up and her body began to twitch and squirm as she slept, her face knotting up into an angry grimace. This was a familiar scene, one that played out several nights a week, darkspawn nightmares. Zevran gave her a slight nudge, just enough to jar her from her dream, but not enough to wake her completely. Eriana's eyes gave a brief flutter, and her body relaxed against him. Zevran watched her as she returned to a peaceful sleep, an angry knot growing in his stomach. Yes, he could cut down every mortal enemy that moved against her, but in the end, there was one enemy that he was powerless to defeat, the taint in her blood. It was the one enemy that he could not overcome and the one enemy that was certain to destroy her. Regardless of how hard he tried to protect her, her own blood would eventually pull her away from him.

Silently he cursed the Wardens, the darkspawn, and the taint flowing through her veins. He knew that without it, they would have never met, that she would have died at the hands of the Denerim guard and that he would have died at the hands of Alistair and another Grey Warden. It was folly to curse it, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't bear the thought of his Warden leaving him and walking into the Deep Roads to meet her end alone; he hated the dreams that disturbed her sleep; and he hated the call that drew those dreadful monsters to her. But most of all, he hated the fact that he was powerless to stop it. Thirty years simply wasn't long enough. True, he would be nearly sixty by then, but she would still be in her forties when her calling came. It was an event on a distant horizon, but it was there, drawing closer every day.

Zevran sighed, trying hard to push those macabre thoughts from his mind. If his life as an assassin had taught him anything it was to take pleasure in the moment and to savor every moment, and at least for this moment she was his. And as long as she was his, he would make every last moment last. He drifted off the sleep that night, savoring the feel of his Warden in his arms and knowing that he was holding on to the only thing in his world that mattered.

* * *

_I don't know why but I had a tough time with the beginning of this chapter. (Maybe because it's all transition, I dunno) So let me know what you think._

_Thank you to all of you who have added alerts and favorites: Alisu, Jen, Dazzleday, Eva, Pyromaniac, Moonlight, Rhiononon, Neko, Rhianna, and Warrose. Welcome aboard!_

_A special thanks to my reviewers: Eva, Jenn, Rhiononon, and Zeeji. You all make my day!_

_I know this may be going in a confusing direction (esp. with the end of JFML, but I swear, it will make sense in a few chapters) _

_Thanks for reading! Happy Halloween!_


	3. Chapter 3

It was mid-afternoon when Zevran and Eriana arrived at the gates of Highever Castle, and Eriana was more than ready to get off their horse. Even though they had been riding daily for several weeks and even with Zevran's arms protectively encircling her, Eriana was still obviously a nervous wreck sitting high on the animal.

"I never thought I'd say this," she said with a sigh, "but I kind of miss the days when we walked everywhere."

Zevran laughed as he steered the horse into the courtyard. "You know, my dear, you really should learn to ride one of these things on your own; not that I don't enjoy spending the entire day with you nestled between my legs, mind you. That part of this is actually quite nice." Eriana shook her head. "No, I mean it; it is slightly silly for the Hero of Ferelden to ride double because she is afraid of horses."

"I'm not afraid of horses…not exactly. They're just so…tall. Wouldn't it be easier to invest in a carriage or wagon, one that I can see out of, those enclosed ones make me sick."

"Ah, yes, the hay wagon. Because nothing screams here comes your savior, the fearsome warrior who stopped the Blight, saved the nation, and slew the archdemon like a wagon that can double as a merchant's stall. Come now, wouldn't it just be simpler to overcome this silly fear. After all, I have seen you scale ogres without a second's thought and they are far taller than this gentle creature." Eriana elbowed him, making him laugh even harder. "Now there's my fearsome warrior."

Zevran pulled on the reigns, bringing the horse to a stop as a trio of well-dressed men, flanked by a handful of knights and servants, entered the courtyard. "Ah, our hosts have come to greet us."

"The two younger men are the Cousland brothers. Teyrn Fergus is the dark-haired one; I met him earlier this year at Alistair's coronation. He was at Ostagar, and apparently his entire unit was destroyed while on a scouting mission in the wilds; a group of chasind found him and nursed him back to health. He showed up in Denerim just after the Blight ended. The other one is his younger brother Aedan. He was here when Howe's men attacked the castle; he's the only one who managed to survive. According to the rumors, he and few knights escaped and hid out with one of the lower Banns until…well until Howe was no longer a threat."

"Until you killed Howe?" Eriana nodded. "Well then, they must be big fans of yours."

Eriana shrugged, "You never know with nobles; they may feel as though I've stolen their opportunity for vengeance or something. But the Couslands have always been decent enough; well, if they're at all like their father was, they're decent enough. From what I've heard, Howe's men killed the their parents and Fergus's wife and five-year-old son, so it might not be wise to mention your previous acquaintance with Howe."

Zevran nodded and watched as the youngest Cousland crossed the courtyard toward. Fergus was deep in conversation with an older nobleman who had exited the castle with the brothers, so it was Aedan who greeted them. "Warden Commander," he said as he strolled up to the horse and extended a hand to help her down, his bright green eyes dancing with excitement. "It is a great honor to welcome the Hero of Ferelden to our home. Please allow me to help you down." Eriana thanked him, taking his hand and sliding off the horse. Once she was on her feet, Aedan gave her a quick bow. "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Aedan Cousland, Teyrn Fergus's younger brother, and, if I might add, a far superior swordsman. I am so pleased that you were able to visit," he said, bringing her hand to his lips for a brief kiss.

Zevran slid off the horse and handed the reins to the stableman, never taking his eyes off the nobleman who was talking to his Warden. Eriana smiled and bowed to Aedan in return. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you, my Lord," she said, gently withdrawing her hand from his. "Your brother spoke highly of you when we met in Denerim. My name is Eriana Tabris, and this is Zevran Arainai."

The nobleman gave Zevran a quick glance before returning his full attention to Eriana. "Believe me, the pleasure is all mine. You'll have to forgive my brother; I'm afraid he's been ensnared by Arl Wulff. It seems that you've created a great deal of trouble for my dear brother."

"Me? What did I do?"

"Oh, you only married off the most eligible bachelor in nation, a rather smart move, if I may so, leaving my brother to be the highest ranking single nobleman in the nation. Every noble with a single daughter of marrying age has been hounding us for months, trying to win my brother's affection or allegiance. We keep telling them that he's simply not ready to move on yet, but they just keep pushing their daughters at him. It's all rather shameful really."

"And how about you, no pushy fathers pushing daughters your way?" Eriana asked.

"My way? Maker, no. I'm the second son, a nobody in the eyes of most nobles. There's nothing really for me to inherit, so they stand to gain nothing through a marriage with me. So for the time being, I'm free to do as I please," he said, a sly grin crossing his face.

Zevran, silently watching the exchange, was most amused. He had witnessed these kinds of encounters many times before, especially since the end of the Blight. The young nobleman was clearly enchanted by his Grey Warden, but then again, who wouldn't be. Most men who encountered Eriana were either completely smitten by her immediately or so intimidated by her that they were incapable of talking to her. Aedan was obviously the former. Zevran had long since stopped being annoyed by such attention; such was life when living with a national hero, especially one as alluring as his Eriana. He focused instead on studying the man flirting with his Warden.

The young noble was a handsome man; there was no doubting that. He had a strong and powerful build that clearly came from years of sword training, and his dirty blond hair was just long enough that he was continuously pushing it off his face. There was a sly, almost devious look about him that hinted at a wild side that he was trying to keep hidden, probably at his brother's bidding. Zevran was familiar with such noblemen. The younger sons of the nobility were often free from the restraints and pressures that were placed on the elders who were expected to rule. Younger nobles had a reputation of living an easy and indulgent life, free of the pressures of their stature. It seemed to him that Aedan was one such noble. "Well, our time here may be more interesting that I had anticipated," Zevran thought to himself, a smile crossing his face.

"Oh," exclaimed Aedan, jarring Zevran from his reverie. "You have a mabari!"

"Yes," said Eriana as she reached down to pet the dog at her feet. "This is Ramoth. I hope that this isn't a problem; I had assumed that my seneschal had informed you that he would be traveling with us."

"Oh, no, it's no problem at all. In fact," Aedan stopped and gave a sharp whistle. A huge brown and white mabari came sprinting into the courtyard from the stables, heading straight for them. Ramoth leapt to his feet and stood in front of Eriana, his ears pinned back and a low growl issuing from deep in his throat.

Eriana barked a quick command to him; with a frustrated wine, Ramoth laid down at her feet but never took his eyes off the other dog that was now looking at them curiously. "Please forgive my Ramoth, Aedan; he tends to be a bit over-protective. After all, most of the mabari that we have encountered were trying to kill me, so other dogs tend to put him a bit on edge."

"Well, Ripper here won't try anything, will you girl? No you won't, you're a good mabari aren't you. Oh, yes you are."

Eriana chuckled, "Ripper? Isn't that kind of, you know, a masculine name for a female dog?"

"Yeah, well, I was ten when she imprinted on me, and I was sorely disappointed that I had a girl dog. So, being the mature ten-year-old that I was, I decided that she should have a boy dog's name. Neither my farther nor Fergus could talk me out of it. So was Ramoth here a gift for your efforts during the Blight?"

"Oh, no, he's been with me since Ostagar," said Eriana. She quickly launched into her story about Ramoth tracking her down after the battle.

"We're in trouble now," a voice said from behind Zevran. Turning, he saw the Teyrn standing behind him, finally free from Wulff's snares. "You put two mabari owners together and that's all they can talk about."

Zevran laughed, "Yes, I don't know what's worse, hearing her talk about the dog or hearing her talk to the dog." Zevran raised his voice about an octave, "Oh yes, you are a brave boy, yes you are. Such a good, strong mabari."

"I don't talk like that," Eriana shouted before returning to her conversation.

Zevran looked at Fergus and mouthed whispered, "Yes she does."

Fergus laughed and patted Zevran on the shoulder, "I don't believe we were ever properly introduced the last time I was in the capital. I'm Fergus Cousland, and you must be Zevran. His Majesty spoke very highly of you. I believe you were present when I last met the commander, hiding in the shadows if I recall correctly."

Zevran smiled, "You are correct, your grace. I only attend such functions to keep watch over her, and it is far easier to do that away from the crowds."

The Teyrn smiled and nodded, "Very true. Well, I trust that your journey up here was pleasant, but I'm sure you find yourself in need of rest. Aedan, why don't you show our guests to their room; there will be time for talking later, right now, they need some time to relax after their journey. Commander, your seneschal sent some belongings ahead for you, and a package from the palace arrived yesterday for you. We placed both in your room."

Eriana shot Fergus a grateful smile. "Of course," said Aedan, "How foolish of me. My lady, please allow me to show you and Zeldan to your room."

Zevran was happy when Aedan finally left them alone; that was of course after he spent ten minutes explaining where he would be, telling Eriana how to find him, and offering to escort her to dinner. As Zevran closed the door, Eriana sank to the bed. "Maker's breath, I thought he'd never leave. He was worse than Oswyn Sighard was after we released him from Howe's prison."

Zevran chuckled and settled onto the bed beside Eriana, pulling her into his arms. "He's just a bit star-struck, and who can blame him," he said as he kissed the sensitive skin just beneath her ear. "I find it quite adorable myself, and judging by how he looks at you, who knows, perhaps we should invite him to join us."

Eriana pulled back and rolled her eyes, "Okay, Zev, that only happened one time, and I was really drunk. Besides, he's my liege lord's younger brother; I doubt Fergus would be pleased with such an arrangement."

"Ah true, how I forget that we are not in Antiva; you Fereldans are so uptight about such natural things." Eriana frowned at him for a second before running her hand down his stomach and under the band of his riding leathers. Zevran closed his eyes and sighed for a moment, savoring the feeling of her hand as it caressed and teased him.

"I suppose I'll have to be enough to satisfy you then, Zeldan" she purred with a giggle into his ear.

"Of course, I bow to the whims of my deadly Ferelden sex goddess," Zevran said as he pulled her down on top of him. "You will always be enough for me, mi amora."

* * *

Eriana's seneschal had sent them several articles of clothing so that they could dress up for dinner, a pleasant surprise since Eriana and Zevran had only travel wear and armor in their packs. Zevran was happy to hear that the King's gift had already arrived. He and Alistair had worked together on this particular surprise for Eriana, a new set of Warden Commander Armor, made specifically for her. It had a light violet shade to it and shimmered with a luminescent quality. The Grey Warden griffons were embossed on the shoulders and across the back, and the lyrium from the enchantments Master Wade added made the armor seem to hum with energy. Eriana's eyes lit up the moment she saw it.

"Is this dragon wing armor?" she asked as she picked up breastplate, running her fingers over the intricate designs inlaid in the supple material.

Zevran nodded, "And not just any dragon wing, archdemon dragon wing." Eriana's jaw fell, her eyes wide. "We thought the new Commander of the Grey should have armor worthy of the office, no? And that giant metal thing of Alistair's was simply impractical. Do you like it?" Eriana threw her arms around Zevran, peppering his cheeks and neck with kisses. He laughed, "I take it you are no longer angry about the horse, then?"

"Oh, Zev, of course not. It's just perfect; I'm almost afraid to wear it lest I damage it in some way. It's a shame I can't wear it to dinner," she said, looking up at him with a smile.

"Well, you will have ample opportunity to wear it once we arrive in Amaranthine, no? Besides, I think you should look the part of an arlessa tonight," he said as he steered her over to the vanity stool and began to run a bush through her long blonde hair. It had grown a good deal since the end of the Blight, reaching down just past her shoulder blades. "Come now," he said, placing a kiss on the back of her neck, "I believe our hosts will be waiting for us."

At dinner, Zevran found himself sitting across from his Warden watching Aedan Cousland as he sat beside Eriana, peppering her with questions and requests for stories about the Blight. He was fawning over her in a way that was almost embarrassing, but Eriana handled him with grace and dignity. "So how does one become a Grey Warden, exactly?" the young noble asked toward the end of the meal.

"Oh, I'm afraid I can't tell you that, my Lord," Eriana said with a smile. "We Wardens have our secrets, and I'm afraid that one is one of our most closely guarded ones. If I told you, I'd have to put you through the joining, and I'm pretty sure your brother would be very opposed to that."

"Right you are," Fergus said, pulling himself away from the conversation with Wulff for a moment. "I can't have my only brother running off to chase after legends when there's so much to do here, now can't I?"

Aedan looked disappointed. "Okay, so I can't join the Wardens, but I still want to see you in action. Why don't we go hunting tomorrow? I've heard that you have some skill with a bow; I'd like to see that in action."

Eriana smiled and agreed, saying that she would love to go hunting and said that she would meet him in the morning.

* * *

Aedan was thrilled about the prospect of spending time with the Grey Warden. He had heard the nobles and knights tell of her beauty, but they failed to do her any justice. There wasn't a noblewoman in Ferelden who could compare to her. He just hoped that the other elf that she traveled with, Zevran believed was his name, would be staying at the keep. He wanted some time alone with the fair elven woman, but much to his chagrin, the elves strolled together into the courtyard, bows in hand, her mabari at their feet. He managed to hide his disappointment as they made their way into the woods that surrounded Highever.

"I have an idea, Warden," he said once they were a good distance from the castle. "Why don't we make this a competition? I'm rather good with a crossbow myself; we could put a wager on who will bring down the most animals."

Eriana glanced at him then at Zevran, biting her lip as if she was uncomfortable. "Um, Aedan, you do realize you're hunting with elves, yes?"

Aedan nodded, "Of course, but I don't see what difference that would make."

Eriana sighed, "Well, elves have much better eyesight than humans do; you know this right?" The human noble nodded. "That means we will see the animal way before you, giving us an advantage. That, and Zevran here is an expert at moving with stealth. He could sneak up on a deer and tackle it before you would even see it."

"And," Zevran added, "Let's not forget your archery, my dear. I've seen you take down a darkspawn with a single shot."

"We're not trying to brag," Eriana said, taking out her bow, quickly nocking an arrow, and shooting it into the sky. "I just wanted to point out," she said taking a step back as a wild goose fell to the ground at her feet, an arrow lodged in its neck, "that if it is a competition you want, you would lose."

Aedan looked at the dead bird at her feed, awestruck for a moment, then started laughing. Shaking her hand he said, "Wow, that was bloody brilliant. Alright, alright, I concede, you are a far superior hunter, my Lady." He was about to say something else when he noticed that she had suddenly gone rigid. Zevran pushed him out of the way and stood before her.

"Darkspawn?" She nodded, eyes closed like she was concentrating on something. Panic began to grow in the pit of Aedan's stomach. "How many?"

The Grey Warden opened her eyes. "Ten, no shrieks or emissaries. Did I see a clearing just back there?" Aedan nodded. "Good, let's head that way so we can engage them in the open." Eriana looked at Aedan, "We'll be fine, I promise. Just listen to me and do as I say, okay." Aedan nodded and headed toward the clearing.

As soon as the nobleman's back was turned Zevran looked at Eriana again and mouthed, "How many for real?"

"Seventeen," was her silent answer.

Aedan stood in the back of the clearing, his crossbow drawn and ready, watching as the two elves prepared for battle.

"What do you have Zev?"

"Crow poison and soldier's bane, both a bit potent for this but they'll do," he said as he coated both sets of blades with a green ointment. Eriana grabbed her blades and ran out to the middle of the field, her marari running at her feet. He looked for Zevran, but the Antivan was nowhere to be seen. "Just focus your bolts on the middle of the group," Zevran said, appearing suddenly beside him. "I will be working on those at the edges, so be careful not to hit me. Stay back, and avoid their blood if at all possible. It burns if it gets on your skin. Ripper," he said, looking down at the mabari, "stay close to him, and don't attack the wolf; he's on our side." The dog barked in agreement, and Zevran disappeared again.

Eriana was standing there alone, flanked by her dog and a massive wolf that had suddenly appeared beside her. He didn't have time to ponder the wolf's presence because just then, a deep growl sounded in the clearing and a large group of darkspawn appeared at the edge of the woods, headed directly for the Warden. He had heard tales of how horrifying the darkspawn were, but seeing them in person was a completely terrifying experience. Bile rose in his stomach as the horrendous creature charged across the open space toward Eriana, but their presence didn't seem to faze her a bit. Calmly and coolly, she leveled shot after shot, dropping darkspawn after darkspawn as they advanced on her. Zevran worked in and out of the shadows, cutting down the monsters, while the two animals attacked the beasts head-on, mauling and ripping as they went. It was a battle the likes of which he had never seen. He had wanted to see the Warden in action, and it was amazing, a thing of beauty. As they got closer to her, she dropped her bow and began a deadly dance of daggers and swords.

Suddenly, a couple of darkspawn broke away from the pack and headed toward him. Ripper growled and took off toward them, carrying one to the ground as she ripped at its throat. Aedan pulled out his sword and shield as the first one got close to him. The hurlock raised its sword to attack, and Aedan froze, horrified. Just then, the monster stopped short, its leg pinned to the ground by an arrow as it struggled to get loose. "Kill it, Aedan," Zevran shouted. "Ramoth," Eriana screamed, "To Aedan, now." Aedan shook his head and thrust his sword into the monster. Before it had fallen completely to the ground, another one was on him, and Aedan braced himself as the monster barreled into his shield, throwing him to the ground, knocking the sword from his hand. A well-placed arrow sent that beast toppling beside him as Aedan scrambled to his feet, groping for his sword. By the time he found it, Ramoth was there, tackling the genlock that was approaching quickly. Scrambling to his feet, he took the head off the creature and began surveying the battle again. Zevran was taking down the archers that had perched on the edge of the woods while Eriana was fighting against three darkspawn at once. "Go Ramoth, help her." The dog didn't need to be told twice. He took off across the field toward his mistress.

Aedan watched in horror as a hurlock blade came dangerously close to the exposed skin of Eriana's neck, but she managed to doge it at the last possible second, deftly rolling out of the way. But she wasn't invincible; she was bleeding heavily from a large gash on her left arm and her strength was clearly starting to fade on her. Ramoth made it to her just in time to take out the last of them. Almost immediately, Zevran was beside her tending to her wounds and talking loudly and quickly in Antivan. Aedan rushed to the two elves.

Eriana looked up at him, "Are you alright, my Lord?"

Aedan nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine, not a scratch on me, thanks to you." He tried to ignore the glare that Zevran was giving him as he cleaned the wound on Erian'a arm. "I'm so sorry about that; I froze; I was completely useless."

Eriana shook her head reassuringly, "Hey, that was the first time you've ever fought darkspawn. They can be terrifying the first time. Everyone panics when they first encounter them." Zevran muttered something else in Antivan as he started wrapping a health poultice around her arm. "One of the knights who went through the joining with me nearly wet himself when we were first attacked, and he was a seasoned warrior. Don't be so hard on yourself, okay." Aedan took a deep breath and nodded. "Now, take the dogs to the creek and wash some of that blood off of them, okay?"

As soon as the young nobleman was gone, Zevran lit into her again in Antivan; he was too angry to bother translating into Ferelden. "Do you realize that you nearly died because you were playing nursemaid to that man? You were so fixated on him that you didn't even notice the danger that you yourself were in."

"What was I supposed to do Zevran, let him die? He's my Teyrn's brother; I couldn't just let him die like that, and you know it. Besides, I was just doing my job. We've done this a thousand times before, Zev; this time was no different than the others."

Zevran took her head in his hands, "Do you not know how important you are to me, Eriana? I can't bear the thought of losing you, not like this, not because someone else was careless. Yes, you are a Warden, and yes, your job is to save innocents from darkspawn, but…"

Eriana put a soft hand on his arm, "Zevran, I'm okay. I didn't die; it wasn't even that close. Zev, we've been much closer than that before. Don't blame him, okay; it was his first time. And I tend to remember your first time, too, Mr. Assassin. I think you threw up when it was over."

"Yes, but I didn't freeze on you. If I remember correctly, I saved you from being beheaded during my first encounter with darkspawn," he said as he kissed her arm and sighed. "Well, let's go get our young nobleman before he gets himself into more trouble."

* * *

Dinner that night was more of the same, Aedan fixating on Eriana like a hungry mabari fixates on a steak. He excitedly recounted their encounter with the darkspawn, ignoring his brother's occasional looks of horror.

"Darkspawn in Highever? Is this something that we need to be wary of Warden?" Fergus asked when Aedan paused to take a breath.

"No, I don't think so, your Grace. I believe these were just remnants from the Blight. There was nothing guiding them or influencing them, not that I could sense anyway. I think they were just drawn to me. I don't sense anything out of the ordinary in the immediate area, but I would alert your patrols. Have them be on the lookout for anything suspicious. Zevran can tell them what to look for."

Fergus nodded, relieved, as Aedan began talking quickly and excitedly again. Zevran noticed, however, that something seemed off with Eriana. She wasn't eating with the same exuberance with which she usually approached her meals. In fact, it was almost as if she wasn't eating at all, just pushing food around her plate, taking an occasional bite here and there.

After diner, everyone retired to the common room, and Zevran busied himself by sharpening and polishing his and Eriana's weapons. "Zevran," Fergus said, seeing the weapons lying on the table in front of him, "We have a smithy in the armory who can do that for you. Why don't you send them down with a servant and you can retrieve them in the morning?"

Zevran smiled, "Thank you for the offering, my Lord, but I'm afraid I must decline."

"One of Zevran's great pleasures in life is tending to our weapons; I'm convinced of that," Eriana said with a grin. "He never lets anyone besides me even touch his daggers, and he always checks mine after every fight. It's kind of obsessive really."

"My dear, for a rogue, the dagger or sword is an extension of one's own arm. By allowing another to tend to it, you place your life in their hands; we have discussed this before, yes? Your blades are all that stand between you and your enemy for there is no shield for you to hide behind."

Eriana sighed and put down the book she had been trying to read. "I'm not feeling so well, Zev; I think I'm going to turn in early."

Zevran looked up at her with concern; so he wasn't imagining things at dinner. "Is everything alright, amora?"

Eriana nodded unconvincingly, "I'm just tired, probably from fighting and traveling. That and I feel a bit sick to my stomach. It's nothing major; I'm sure, just a touch of a stomach bug. I should be fine with a bit of rest." Zevran moved to join her. "No, no, you stay and finish that." She gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. "I'll see you when you come to bed." She moved toward the door, only to meet Aedan as he came in.

"Oh, you're leaving so early," he said. Eriana explained that she wasn't feeling well. "Well, then allow me, my dear Warden, to escort you to your room." Eriana tried to resist, but Aedan wouldn't take no for an answer, so she conceded. "Right this way, My Warden."

Zevran's eyes narrowed as he listened to the young noble. My Warden indeed. He wasn't sure why this should bother him when the flirting and fawning over her did not. He looked over at Ramoth who was sprawled out in front of the fire and whispered a command to him. The dog hopped up and plodded out of the room, following his mistress.

"May I ask you a question?" Fergus said, putting aside his papers and turning toward Zevran. "This will probably sound a bit forward, and if you don't want to answer, I totally understand. I was just curious as to what exactly your relationship is with the Warden. I only ask because she will be ruling over one of my arlings, and it is good for me to have an understanding of such matters."

Zevran smiled, "Of course, my Lord."

"Fergus, just call me Fergus."

Zevran nodded, "Okay then, Fergus, I suppose the best way to classify our relationship is to say that we are, in human terms, betrothed. We had planned to make things official once we were settled in Amaranthine."

"Engaged then? Interesting. I had assumed as much; I was only confused because I noticed that she didn't wear a ring."

"Well, giving rings as an engagement gift are more of a human custom. In the Alienages, however, marriages are approached quite differently. Most marriages there are arranged by the elder and the parents, so a dowry, not a ring is exchanged. When matches are made for love, the two elves involved will often exchange sentimental objects, as many do not have the means to purchase a new gift. The earring that she wears was one such gift from me."

Fergus nodded, "I see. So why did you decide to wait then? It seems that you two are practically married now; why wait to make it official."

"Well, to us marriage is not the same as it is to humans. As I said, most elven marriages are arranged, so they often lack the sentimentality that many human marriages do. She was raised to view marriage as a requirement, a right of passage so to say. In her eyes, what we have is more than a marriage because it is something that she chose for herself." Zevran went on to explain what happened to with her first marriage and the disaster that followed.

"Let me then, apologize for my brother's behavior. I will talk to him and let him know he needs to back off."

Zevran laughed, "Ah, it is fine. I have become quiet used to the attention she receives; she is, after all, quite charming, no? Believe me, your brother, handsome though he is, is not a threat to me. I would have been run out of Ferelden long ago if I lashed out at every man who had eyes for her."

Fergus laughed, "Well, I appreciate your understanding. I have one more question, if I may be so bold. You travel with her, fight along side her, even train the Wardens for her; why haven't you joined the order yourself?"

"I do not fight the darkspawn because I feel some higher calling to do so. I fight them because she fights them. I travel with the Wardens because she does. Don't get me wrong, the Wardens serve a grand and noble purpose, but I, my friend, am not so noble. My one reason for fighting with them is because it keeps me by her side, nothing more."

Fergus nodded, "Fair enough. It is good to know that there is someone in her life who will focus on her exclusively. She spreads herself too thin sometimes from what I hear, and it is good to know that you will be there to safeguard her. Thank you for your honesty, my friend."

"Not at all; now if you will excuse me, I believe that there is a Warden in need of my attentions. I should go and check on her." Zevran bade the Teyrn good night and made his way to their room. Eriana was sleeping peacefully, but he noticed that she had been sick earlier. After fetching a servant to empty the chamber pot, Zevran felt her neck and forehead. She was a bit flushed, but there was no sign of fever. Sighing to himself, he crawled into bed, tucking her sleeping body against his as if his mere presence would ward off any sickness that may be threatening her.

* * *

_Okay, so this one was really long; I know. The chapter I've been dreading since starting this story is coming up. Thanks to everyone who added faves and alerts: Gaybounce, Cressid, Special K. Eva, thanks so much for your support. Let me know what you all think!_


	4. Chapter 4

Aedan Cousland was a bit wary when he strolled into the dining hall and found Eriana and Zevran already eating breakfast. His older brother had told him the night before in a few not so gentle terms that his behavior toward the Warden was "embarrassing and inappropriate and bordering on pathetic" and that he was to stop fawning over her like she was the Empress of Orlais. Fergus went on to point out that the two elves were obviously together, and if his behavior continued, he ran the risk of angering two people who were very close to the King. Aedan apologized and promised to try to keep his behavior in check, but since his brother's rebuke, Eriana was all he found himself able to think about. Maker's mercy, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever met, and since she had arrived, there was nothing he wanted more than to be around her. He realized that he had been a bit forward with his attentions, but, deep down, he had hoped that she would try to recruit him. Well, that was until they encountered the darkspawn on their hunting trip; now, not so much. After the way he reacted, he knew there was no way she would ever attempt to recruit him, and, truth be told, he was fine with that. He just hoped that she wouldn't hold it against him because he definitely wanted to get to know her better and in every way possible.

Taking a deep breath and drawing up as much confidence as he could muster, Aedan strolled into the dining hall, offering a greeting to the two elves. He asked Eriana if she was feeling better and was pleased to find that she was. "So what do you two have planned for today?"

"Well, I was hoping to make use of your training grounds this morning. We haven't really had an opportunity to train properly since we left Denerim a month or so ago," Eriana said as she pushed an empty plate away from her.

"I'm sure that wouldn't be a problem. If it wouldn't be too much of an intrusion, I would very much like to join you. I've never seen anyone fight the way you two do; I think I could learn a great deal from you."

Eriana smiled as she and Zevran rose from the table, "Of course, you are more than welcome to join us. We'll meet you at the archery range after you've had breakfast."

Aedan ate and dressed as quickly as he could and made his way eagerly into the training yards. The castle's facilities were relatively empty, since most of the Highever knights chose to train later in the day, so it was easy to find the two elves. Zevran was perched on the fence that surrounded the archery enclosure, barking out commands in Antivan to Eriana who was standing in the middle of the range, a huge bow in her hands, leveling shot after shot at various targets. From time to time she would spin around and lash out at an imaginary enemy or roll as if dodging an unseen attack. She would immediately be back on her feet, firing an arrow dead center into one of the practice dummies. It took a while, but he slowly came to realize that Zevran was directing her shots, telling here what target to hit and where. The speed at which the arrows moved from her quiver to the targets was staggering; he had never seen anyone shoot so fast with such accuracy. Suddenly, Eriana stopped, cursed, and turned toward the Antivan who was grinning wickedly from the fence. "That was mean," was all she said.

"What happened?" Aedan asked. "You hit that target dead center."

"It was the wrong target," she said, shaking her head. "I didn't realize it, but Zevran fell into a pattern. Every fourth target he called was number seven, and without realizing it, I began anticipating that shot. I stopped paying attention, and he caught me slacking."

"And now, you have to do it all over again. Tisk, tisk, my Warden, and how many arrows did you have left?"

Eriana checked her quiver. "Three," she said with an angry scowl on her face. "You did that on purpose didn't you?"

"But of course," Zevran said. "I have told you over and over; you can never get complacent during a battle. If you get comfortable and start to get lax in your fighting, the enemy will do something to surprise you, and then you will be in trouble. You can never let your guard down, never."

Eriana nodded and moved to the fence and took a long drink from her water skin. "Now, collect your arrows and we start again."

Eriana sighed, "Look, Aedan didn't come out here to watch me shoot at targets all day. Let's work with him, and I'll do this exercise again once we finish."

Aedan spoke up, "Actually, I'd like to see the two of you spar first, if you don't mind. We only have a few guards here who aren't trained as warriors and they mainly focus on ranged combat. Fergus told me that he watched you two teaching dueling techniques to the Wardens when he was in Denerim last and said it was amazing."

Zevran looked over at Eriana and said with a grin, "Are you up for that? You were feeling ill last night, and I'd hate to take advantage of your weakened state. I would be a shame for Aedan to see you get beaten because you have a stomach ache."

"Har har, Zevran; I told you I'm fine. And if you're so sure you can beat me today, then why not make it interesting? If I win, I don't have to do the archery exercise again."

"And if I win?"

"Your call," she said. Zevran thought for a minute then a huge grin spread across his face. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear, making her blush and roll her eyes. "You've got to be kidding me."

"You said it was my call; those are the terms I choose. What have you suddenly lost your confidence mia cara?"

"No," she said sharply and glanced briefly at Aedan. "Fine, have it your way." She put away her bow and moved to her things, pulling out a set of sparring daggers.

"You carry your own sparring weapons? May I see them?"

Eriana nodded and handed them to him. "They are specially made for us, balanced just like our actual weapons." Aedan looked up, impressed. "To a warrior, one sword is very much like another; well, that's what Alistair always said. He said he definitely preferred certain swords over others, but when all is said and done, he can behead a hurlock as easily with one sword as he can with another. It's not quite like that with dueling; it requires a certain degree of finesse. If you practice with one set of weapons then fight with another, the difference could be the difference between life and death. Master Wade made these for us during the Blight, just before the Landsmeet."

Aedan was impressed. He handed the weapons back to her and stepped back as the two elves moved toward each other. They both suddenly became very serious, circling each other slowly for a moment before either made a move. They were both unbelievably fast, feinting, dodging, spinning, and attacking with such speed it was almost a blur. It was clear that this was a familiar exercise between them, so much so that after a moment, Aedan felt that he was intruding on something extremely intimate. Their daggers would lock occasionally, bring their bodies close for the briefest of moments before they would spin away. Aedan find himself becoming increasingly uncomfortable as his trousers suddenly started feeling a bit too tight. Despite the fact that they were both intently focused on defeating the other, there was a passion and hunger in their faces as they moved. Zevran lunged toward Eriana and she spun behind him, pulling his arm just enough to throw him slightly off balance. A quick stumble was all it took, and Eriana was behind him, holding her blunted dagger to his throat.

"No more archery for me," she whispered in his ear just before she planted a kiss on his neck. Zevran turned and bowed in defeat.

"Too bad; my terms were far more interesting," he said giving Aedan a look that left him wondering just what the terms of the bet were.

The young nobleman and the elves spent the remainder of the morning working on melee combat, and much to his surprise, Aedan learned a lot. The two rogues taught him how to best defend himself against the underhanded tactics many rogues used and showed him how to identify exploit their weaknesses. Then the two elves took turns fighting against him while the other one gave advice and suggestions from the side. All told, it was a completely exhausting, but very productive morning.

After they finished with their practice, Aedan thanked the elves and returned to his room to clean up before lunch. Eriana watched him go, making completely sure he was gone before she turned to Zevran. "What were you thinking?"

"What, are you talking about the terms of my bet? I stand beside what I said earlier; I'm quite sure he would agree to a little, how shall I say, some private hands on tutoring that you are so reluctant to offer. I still hold to the fact that it would be quite fun. It was the last time anyway."

Eriana rolled her eyes, "Maker's breath, Zev, you're impossible. I can't believe that you're so willing to share."

"Ah, mi amora, it's not exactly sharing if I'm allowed to join, no?"

Eriana rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around him. "By now I should have expected no less, I suppose. I guess you can take the Crow out of Antiva, but you can't take the Antivan out of the Crow."

"Hum, that sounds almost dirty; I like the sound of that. Perhaps we could upstairs, and I could put a little Antivan in the Ferelden," Zevran purred into her ear as he ran a hand down her neck.

"A little Antivan?"

Zevran chuckled, "Or a lot of Antivan, either way, it would be worth your while." Eriana moaned as she leaned against him. "You know, it's not too late to invite our young noble; you could get a little Antivan and a little Ferelden at the same time."

Eriana rolled her eyes and dragged him toward the sleeping quarters. "You are impossible Zevran Arainari.

* * *

Zevran and Eriana stayed with the Couslands for another week before bidding them goodbye and leaving for the city of Highever. Eriana's seneschal sent a message to her informing her that a Warden recruit named Mhairi would be meeting them at an inn called the Noble Mabari and to escort them to Amaranthine in a week. Eriana planned to spend some time in the city before then, visiting with her father's younger sister, Sybil, and Nelaros's family. As they were preparing to leave Castle Cousland, Fergus approached her with a request.

"Before Howe and his men attacked we had a really strong mabari kennel, and I was hoping to start rebuilding our pack. The only problem is that the only dogs we have are female. I was wondering if there was any way you would consider allowing us to keep Ramoth here with us for a few months to allow him to breed with our females. We could bring him to Amaranthine when we pass through on our way to Denerim for the anniversary of the defeat of the archdemon."

Eriana looked down at Ramoth, "What do you think boy? Would you like to stay here with the Couslands and become a daddy?" Ramoth barked happily. "I guess that's a yes, My Lord," she said before turning to the dog. "Okay, you be a good boy and do exactly what Fergus and Aedan tell you, okay."

It felt strange to be traveling without the mabari at their side. As much as the dog's smell annoyed him, Zevran found himself missing Ramoth, but not nearly as much as Eriana did. "It's weird, Zev; it's like part of me is missing. I mean, I haven't been apart from him since we were in the Deep Roads," she said as they were making arrangements with the innkeeper. "And it's not exactly like I could say no; he's my Teyrn after all."

The innkeeper waited for Eriana to finish before handing Zevan a key, "How long will you be staying with us?"

"Five nights," Eriana said, as she handed him a few sovereigns. "Could you please have a bath sent up?" The innkeeper nodded and summoned a chambermaid who showed them to their room, promising that she would return shortly with water for a bath. Eriana sat down at the vanity and while Zevran began to undo the braids in her hair. "I think it's about time for you to give me a haircut," Eriana said as Zevran ran her brush through her hair.

Zevran looked down at her, aghast. "A hair cut, perish the thought. Why in Thedas would you want to cut your hair, my dear?"

"Um, because I'm a fighter, not some Orlesian dancer. My hair is too long; it's starting to get in the way. I'm going to be back to fighting darkspawn soon, so it needs to be a more practical length." Zevran crossed his arms and looked down at her. "You're not going to do it, are you?"

"Nope, your hair, my dear, should be a national treasure. It would be a crime against nature and Ferelden if you cut it off, and I will not be privy to such a travesty."

Eriana laughed and turned to look at him. "You really prefer my hair this long?" Zevran nodded. "Then I guess I'll just keep it tied back whenever I'm fighting, but if it becomes a pain, I'm cutting it off whether you like it or not," she said as the maids came in with water for their bath.

"Well, I suppose that it is a risk that I'll just have to take," he said as he gave the top of her head a quick kiss.

After a quick bath, the two elves crawled into bed, and Zevran watched as Eriana immediately fell asleep, tucked securely against his chest. While she hadn't complained about feeling ill for several days, she still seemed a bit more tired than usual. It concerned him a bit until he realized that she had been experiencing more darkspawn dreams recently, so that may be the cause of her fatigue. He watched her sleep in the dying light of the fire for a while before he himself drifted off to sleep.

He couldn't have been asleep for more than a few hours when a sound roused him from his sleep; someone was in their room. In an instant, Zevran was wide awake, but he was careful not to move, lest he alert the intruder. It took only a moment for his eyes to adjust to the dim light of the room, but he could clearly see the silhouette of two figures moving close to the bed. He reached out with both hands, one reaching for the dagger he kept tucked beneath his pillow, the other reaching for Eriana. He was not surprised to find her reaching for him. Long ago the two had worked out a series on hand signals, just in case they ever found themselves in a situation such as this. She confirmed what he saw, there were two intruders, one on each side of the bed, each moving toward them slowly. Once she signaled that she had her weapon, they made their move, each lashing out in the darkness, attacking their would-be assailants, cutting them down in an instant.

Then Zevran heard a sound that chilled his blood. Across the room, Eriana cried out in pain, and he heard the sickening sound of her body collapsing to the floor. In two heartbeats, Zevran pulled the cover off the lamp, flooding the room with light and revealing a third intruder, a human man shroud in a black cloak standing over Eriana, a bloodied dagger in his hand. The unknown man staggered, temporarily blinded by the sudden light; Zevran used this to his advantage, launching himself across the bed and snapping the man's neck before he could react. Zevran was at Eriana's side before the man's body even hit the floor.

She was bleeding heavily from a deep dagger wound to her side. Quickly, Zevran ripped off his tunic and used it to try to staunch the river of blood flowing from her side. "Ana," he said tenderly, trying desperately to keep the panic from showing in his voice, putting her hands over the wound, "hold this here for a moment while I get help. Can you do that, my love?" Eriana nodded, and he kissed her quickly before running to the door and shouting for help. Once he heard the sounds of raised voices and footsteps, he returned to Eriana's side. Her face was beginning to pale and her breathing was coming in desperate pants.

"Zev…harder to…breathe….poison," she managed to gasp out.

Cursing to himself, he grabbed the dagger laying beside her; a pale green ointment coated the blade. A quick sniff confirmed his fear, Quiet Death, a quick working almost always fatal poison; he had to act and quickly. As he was running to his pack to retrieve the antidote, the innkeeper and his wife rushed into the room.

"Oh, sweet Andraste protect us," the woman said as she rushed to his Warden's side. The innkeeper himself rushed out to raise the guard.

"Here," Zevran said, handing her a salve and a clean towel before moving behind Eriana, "you will need to clean the wound thoroughly. She was poisoned, so be careful." He cradled Eriana in his arms, her head resting against his chest. "Mio amante, you must drink this," he said, holding the small vial to her lips. He watched, terrified as she struggled to swallow. "Per favore mia cara, you must drink it all."

Her blue eyes locked on his for a moment before her eyes rolled back in her head, and she collapsed against him. "No, no, don't do this to me, Ana; fight, do you hear me?" Zevran laid her gently on the floor, his fingers searching out her pulse on her neck. It was thready and weak, and getting weaker by the second. His lips found hers, and he tried desperately to force air into her lungs but the poison had all but closed off her airway. Grabbing his dagger, Zevran made a small incision just beneath her collar bone and poured more of the antidote directly into her bloodstream before he started anxiously forcing air into her lungs again. Her lips began to grow cold and blue beneath his as the poison moved quickly through her system.

"Non mi parte," Zevran whispered to urgently her between breaths, "non posso perderla, non ora." He was about to lose hope when she gave a sudden gasp and began to breathe on her own. Slowly, color began to return to her lips and the paleness started to fade from her cheeks. Beside them, the innkeeper's wife began to whisper a prayer of thanks as her pulse began to strengthen. The antidote was beginning to work; slowly but surely, she was coming back to him. She wasn't out of the woods just yet, but he knew that she was strong enough to pull through.

Zevran slowly became aware of what was happening around him in the room. The innkeeper had returned with a company of guardsmen who were currently inspecting the bodies of the would-be (almost) assassins. The man's wife had managed to get Eriana's bleeding to stop and was bandaging the wound. One of the guards, the one who had been bent down inspecting one of the bodies, stood up with a sigh and turned to Zevran.

"I'm sorry, ser…"

"Zevran."

"Ah, yes, Ser Zevran. I'm sorry, but I can't find anything on these men to give us any indication as to who they are or what they wanted."

Zevran hesitated for a moment, brushing a strand of hair off of Eriana's forehead before he stood up and walked over toward the dead men. "Mind if I look?" The guards nodded and stepped back to allow Zevran access to the bodies. Zevran moved over to the closest intruder and pulled up the sleeve of the man's cloak and examined the inside of the man's left bicep and was unsurprised to find a pair of crescent shaped tattoos on his arm. "He's an Antivan Crow," Zevran said frankly as he looked up at the humans.

The innkeeper's wife started with fear and muttered a muffled prayer. "Are you sure?" the captain of the guard asked. "How can you be sure?" Zevran said nothing; he merely held out his left arm, displaying his own impressive set of tattoos on the inside of his arm. "Ah, I see."

"No need to worry; I have recently been perusing other lines of work. But as for these," he said, gesturing to the dead men on the floor, "These two are barely more than apprentices." He pointed to the tattoos on their arms. Crossing the room, he examined the man who had stabbed Eriana. "This one was the one in charge; see," he said pointing to the crescent and check shaped tattoos on his arm.

"But what did he want?"

Zevran knelt down and rummaged in the man's cloak for the hidden pocket where most Crows stored their missives. Pulling out a piece of paper, he read the man's orders. It said only four words.

Zevran Arainari. Ferelden. Highever.

The Crows, it seemed, had found him.

* * *

Okay, so I don't speak Italian, so if anyone wants to correct it, shoot me a PM.

Non mi parte – Don't leave me

Non posso perderla, non ora. – I can't lose you, not now.

Thanks to everyone who added this week: Claret, Envinie, Hellen, 4MFT, and TG2000; I'm glad you all are enjoying it! A special thanks to my reviewers: Envinie, Special K, and Eva (if you haven't been reading her Halla stories, they're great check them out!)

I'd love to know what you all think; thanks for reading!

Eriana


	5. Chapter 5

Zevran wasn't sure exactly how long he knelt there beside the fallen Crow, staring at the missive with his name on it, contemplating the implications of this new information. He and Eriana had both known that the Crows would be coming after him eventually; this new development was no surprise to Zevran. What did surprise him was the fact that it had come so quickly. It had been a mere six months since the archdemon fell; leaving Ferelden with a modicum of peace and stability, and it had only been seven months since they had defeated Taliesin. The Crows had all but pulled out of Ferelden toward the end of the Blight, so they weren't expecting any attacks for several more months. Not only had the Crows moved quickly, but they had sent one of their best after him. Though Zevran didn't know that assassin who had attacked them, his tattoos indicated that he had nearly fifty solo assassinations and was likely well on his way to being a Crow master. The final piece of information of the paper, however, was the one that bothered him the most. The assassins knew exactly where to find him. Not only that, but they were attacked on their first night in the city, which suggested that they were being watched closely.

Zevran felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find the innkeeper's wife standing beside him with one of his tunics in her hand. "Here dear," she said gently as she handed him the shirt. He had been so focused on Eriana and these revelations about the Crows that he had forgotten that he had used his top to try to stop Eriana's bleeding. He gave a muttered thank you as he pulled the tunic over his head. "We have another room for you whenever you're ready." He turned to look at Eriana who was still lying on the ground. The innkeeper's wife smiled. "Her bleeding has stopped, and her breathing has returned to normal, but she's not quite awake yet."

"No," Zevran said, walking back to the fallen elf's side, "no, I would imagine not. The poison and antidote are fighting in her system. I don't expect her to wake until later tomorrow." He knelt beside her, running his hand over her forehead with one hand while taking her pulse with the other. It was strong and steady. He glanced up at the human woman, "Thank you for your help Mrs…"

"Just call me Gloria, love, and it was my pleasure. We all owe that woman a greater debt than we could ever repay." She gave Zevran another pat on the shoulder. "Just let me know when you're ready to move to another room, and I'll have one of the guards carry her while you get your things."

Zevran shook his head and gently reached under Eriana and lifted her, cradling her against his chest. "I'll go ahead and take her, Gloria. Thank you."

"But ser, what about your valuables?"

Zevran glanced down at the woman resting against his chest. "I have the only thing I value right here." And the only thing he would never be able to replace.

* * *

Zevran knew that the rest of the night would not be easy, neither for him nor Eriana. Yes, her breathing had been stabilized, but the poison was no were near done running its course. Quiet death often caused uncontrollable chills and left the victim weak for several days; that is, of course, on the rare occasion that the initial phase doesn't kill him. Most people who are poisoned usually suffocate before an antidote is administered. Eriana was lucky that they had one on hand, or she would have likely died on the dusty inn floor. Zevran shivered at the thought. His Warden had survived dragons, broodmothers, and demons, but she was almost done in by a dagger and a concoction of herbs.

Zevran sighed and wrapped her tightly in several blankets as Gloria and her husband came in with their weapons, armor, and packs. "We will leave a guard on this hall in case you need anything," the innkeeper said as he put their things down. "I am so sorry that this happened to you in my inn, and I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe while you're here." Zevran nodded, thanking the man before returning his attention back to Eriana.

Once the humans left, Zevran locked the door and crawled into bed beside Eriana, pulling the blankets up around her as he drew her closer so that her head rested against his shoulder. Looking down at her as she began to shiver, the events of that night finally began to sink in. She had very nearly died there in his arms at the hands of his former employers, at the hands of people who were after him. One part of his mind screamed to him, "You both knew this was coming; don't panic," while the other part whispered, "Your past damn near cost you everything. The woman you love nearly died because she was between you and those who wanted to kill you." If this was to be the end of it, Zevran was sure he could deal with it, but he knew that there would be more. The Crows were not ones to give up so easily, and they were very nearly successful on attempt number one. What was going to happen when they sent someone stronger, someone with more experience, more luck? Zevran couldn't bear the thought of something happening to her, especially when it was him that they were after. He had vowed to protect her at any cost, but did he really mean it. Was he willing to pay the price, the ultimate price to shield her?

He tightened his hold on her as her body trembled in response to the poison. She still looked to frail, so weak in his arms, and he knew that there was nothing he wasn't willing to do, no price he wasn't willing to pay to keep her safe. His stomach when he realized what he was truly considering. Was he strong enough to do what it takes to protect her from the Crows; was he willing to make that kind of sacrifice?

* * *

The remainder of the night passed slowly for Zevran as he contemplated what he was going to do, all the while watching Eriana carefully to make sure that she was recovering. Gloria returned once the sun was fully up, carrying a tray of food for Zevran. She informed him that the sergeant in charge of the Highever guards was requesting a meeting with him and that she would sit with Eriana while Zevran met with him. He was reluctant to leave her, but he felt that the sergeant needed to be aware of the situation, so he begrudgingly left Eriana under the woman's watchful eye.

The meeting with the guard was rather straight forward. Zevran informed him of everything that he knew, and the guard ensured him that security would be tightened while he and the Warden remained in the city. When he returned to the room, he reclaimed his space beside Eriana as Gloria went about her business, promising to return with lunch and dinner.

It was nearly sunset before Eriana began to stir. By that time, Gloria was almost frantic with panic, offering to send a messenger into the country to find the city's healing mage, but Zevran managed to calm her down, assuring her that it was a normal reaction to the poison. He was sitting beside her, deep in thought, lightly stroking her arm when he felt her begin to shift beneath his hand.

"You're thinking," Eriana said as she looked up at him.

"It's been known to happen from time to time," Zevran said as he stretched out beside her. He cocked his head to the side and examined her. "You gave us quite a scare back there, mia cara. How are you feeling?"

Eriana stretched, wincing a bit at the movement. "A little sore, I guess." Then she tried to push herself up into a seated position. "And weak as water. What happened, Zev?"

"What as the last thing you remember, my Warden?"

She closed her eyes and leaned back on the pillows. "I remember killing someone who was in our room and then…" she opened her eyes wide, "then I was stabbed. Zev, there was a third person in the room."

Zevran nodded, "It was a clever rouse. He sent in the two novices as decoys, hoping that they would draw our attention while he moved in behind us."

Eriana nodded, "A good plan; it nearly worked. I didn't even think to check for anyone else, I was so focused on the two in front of us. And he was there the whole time, not three feet from me, and I didn't see him. I am so stupid, Zev; it's like I've learned nothing from you."

Zevran sighed and shook his head. "I can't believe you are blaming yourself for this."

"I should have seen him, Zevran; he was right there! You were right; I get lazy and don't pay attention to what is going on around me. Stupid, stupid, stupid."

"Stop," Zevran said, his voice cold and hard. "Don't you dare start to blame yourself; I didn't protect you. And they weren't after you anyway; they were after me."

Eriana took his hand and held it to her chest, "If they were after you, then they were after me too; I go where you go, remember? We knew this was going to happen, Zev; it may have happened a bit sooner than we had anticipated, but so what? We adjust and move on. Now that we know that they're after us, we'll be ready for them."

Zevran stood up, releasing her hand, and began pacing beside the bed. "Ana, this was their first attack, and it was almost successful."

"We weren't ready; they caught us off guard, that's all."

"Well, what about the next time?"

"The next time we will be in Amaranthine, surrounded by Grey Wardens; they won't get this close again."

"So, we'll have Wardens to protect us then, since I can't do it for you," Zevran retorted bitterly.

"Zevran!" Eriana shouted, surprised, "I'm sitting here, alive, aren't I? You did save me. We were just a bit unlucky this time. Had Ramoth been with us, then things would have been different. He would have alerted us the moment they set foot in the room. The Crows just hit us at a vulnerable moment."

"But don't you see, Ana?" Zevran said as he sat back down on her bed, "They weren't lucky in this. They knew exactly where we were going to be. Don't you see what that means? There's someone feeding them information about our whereabouts."

"Zevran, most of the nation knows that I was headed to Amaranthine, and it was no secret that we were going here first. Any small amount of seemingly harmless questioning would have revealed that." She reached up and traced the tattoos on his face. "I know you worry for me, but Zev, this has to stop. First, you went ballistic when we were fighting those darkspawn with Aedan and I got a little cut, and now you are panicking about an assassination attempt. When did you become such a mother hen?"

"Since I lost you!" Zevran barked.

Eriana looked up at him, confused. "What are you talking about? You've never lost me, my love."

"Yes I did, at the Battle of Denerim. I was standing down at the gates, waiting for you to walk through and return to me. Then I saw you cradled in Brendan's arms; I thought you were dead, that I had lost you forever. For those five minutes, from the time I saw you until Wynne got to me and told me that you were alive, I truly believed that I had lost you forever, and in those five minutes, my life fell apart." Zevran pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead as he cradled her against his chest. "I don't know if I could bear to lose you again. That is why I've grown so protective of late." He looked down at her. "I lost you once, and I will not lose you again."

Zevran felt Eriana's arms tighten around him. "I know you're afraid of losing me, but, Zev, you have to face reality here. With what I do, there is always a risk of something happening to me; it's part of life, part of my life. I mean, you're an assassin; you of all people should know how fragile life is. We never have the promise of tomorrow." She pulled his head down to her, capturing his lips in a tender kiss. "That's why we must make the most of the time we're given and savor those moments while we have them. Isn't that what you always taught me?"

"That was before, mi amora. Everything is different now. Simply savoring the here and now is not enough for me; you are too dear, too precious to only be savored for a moment. I have sworn to protect and shield you, and now I discover that, once again, I have placed you in harm's way. It's just…" He pulled away and walked over to the window, watching as the sun set over the city walls. They were both silent for a long time

"Zevran, please, what's going on?" Eriana finally said, breaking the silence. "You're making me nervous; please, talk to me."

"It's nothing, my dear; I'm just thinking, that's all." Zevran said as he stared out of the window, unable to bring himself to turn around and meet Eriana's eye, afraid that his face would reveal far too much.

* * *

The next four days passed in relative peace for the two elves, but it was a false peace, a peace that is found in the eye of some massive storm. While you're grateful for the relief, you know the worst is yet to come. Though neither of them would address the new tension that the Crow attack had caused, it was never far from either of their minds, and the fact that they had not come to a definitive agreement on how best to handle it weighed heavily on them both. Zevran kept Eriana safely ensconced in the inn while she made up for the massive blood loss and purged the poison from her system, letting her venture out only on their final day in the city, once he was completely sure that she was fully recovered. He knew he was being a bit overprotective, but there was a good chance that there were other Crows in the city, and he wanted to make sure she could defend herself properly should they run into any trouble.

They returned to their room after a fantastic dinner at a little seafood restaurant near the wharf. Eriana said that she had a craving for some fish chowder, and Zevran was more than happy to oblige, though what passed for fish chowder here was a poor comparison to the kind he was raised on. As he watched here sitting there eating it, the smells and sounds of the sea wafting around reminding him so much of home, he couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to have her with him in Antiva, to lie with her on the beach, soaking in the warm Antivan sun.

"So, according to Varel's letter, a Warden recruit named Mhairi is going to be meeting us here around noon to escort us Amaranthine. Apparently, she is visiting some family that lives on the outskirts of the city," Eriana said as she crawled into bed.

"So back to work tomorrow then," Zevran said, crawling in beside her. She nodded as she rolled over to turn down the lamp sitting on the nightstand. When she turned back to him, Zevran examined her face in the dull light of the room. Gently he stroked her face with his calloused hand. "You are beautiful, mi amora, and I am so lucky to have found you." She smiled and wrapped her slender yet strong arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of her. Zevran quickly captured her mouth in a passionate, almost desperate kiss as his hands traveled down her beautiful, limber body. He savored everything about this moment, the smell of her hair as it danced across his face, the taste of her skin under his lips, the feel of her body as it quivered around him, the sound of her voice as she purred his name, and the way she looked as she closed her eyes and threw back her head in ecstasy. This was home; this was where he belonged, beside her, always. And that was what made what he was about to do all the more painful.

For a long time that night, long after she had fallen asleep, Zevran lay there just watching Eriana as she slept, tucked neatly beside him. He knew what he had to do; he had to leave her, to deal with the situation with the Crows before they could harm her again. The plan had been stewing in his mind since the night of the attack. It was an ambitious move, a dangerous and potentially deadly plan, to attempt to take control of the Order. He realized that there was a good chance that he would fail and be killed, but at least it would keep her out of danger. Without him in the picture, the Crows would leave her alone; it would be one less threat, one less problem that she would have to worry about. And, to Zevran, that was all that really mattered. He couldn't care less if he actually managed to take control of the Crows, but doing so was the only way they could be together in any kind of peace. That was why he was leaving; that was why he had to go.

But there was a problem with his plan; in order to actually carry it out, he had to leave her. And that was, without a doubt, the hardest part of the entire scheme. Far more difficult than overthrowing an order of elite assassins. Looking down at the woman that he loved, his world, his life, lying beside him, Zevran began to doubt whether or not he could actually do it. The thought of being separated from her made him physically ill, but it wasn't about him, not anymore. He knew that waking up in the morning to find him gone would be devastating to her, and he wished that there was some way to spare her from this pain. But there was no way he could simply talk to her about what he was planning to do. For one, she would try to talk him out of it, try to convince him to stay. It wouldn't take much; as it was, his resolve was only hanging on by a thread. He knew his Eriana, and there was no way he would leave if she started begging him to stay. There was another option, though, one that was even more unbearable. She would want to go with him. He knew that all he needed to do was ask, and she would follow him to Antiva just as he would follow her anywhere. If he told her where he was going, what he was doing, she would insist on following him, on throwing herself head-long into danger beside him. There was no way in Thedas he was allowing that.

So, that left him only one option, escaping in the night, leaving her with no warning and only a letter as means of solace. Zevran knew it was a cowardly move, stealing away in the dead of night, but it was the only way he could be assured of her safety. He was finally manning up, doing something completely selfless, sacrificing his happiness to ensure her safety, but he knew his noble intentions would crumble if she so much as asked him to stay.

As stealthily as possible, he crept out of their bed and collected his things, pulling a letter out of the pocket of his cloak. The hazy light of dawn was starting to grey the sky over the harbor; the time had come for him to leave. He reached out to her with a shaky hand and brushed the contours of her face one last time. She moaned and turned toward him in her sleep, and he was nearly undone. He nearly threw down his pack and crawled back into bed with her, future and Crows be damned so long as he was able to hold her in his arms. But he didn't. Placing the letter on his pillow, Zevran silently made for the window, pausing only to savor one final look at her before disappearing into the misty morning.

* * *

_So here it is; the chapter I've been dreading because it means no more Zev (sad face). I hope my Zev fans accept his noble reasoning, not that it will help Eriana that much. The Zev leaving storyline was what actually prompted me to write "Just Follow My Lead" in the first place. I guess I just felt betrayed through the whole plot of Awakening. Ah well, I hope you all enjoy where this is heading._

_As always, thank you to my awesome reviewers, Envinie, BubblesScream(good to see you back!), Witchy Bee, Zeeji, Jen, and Eva Galana. Your reviews make my day. And thanks to those of you who added alerts and favorites, DemonicDragonMutt, Claret, and Grannaah, welcome aboard!_


	6. Chapter 6

Mhairi walked through the streets of Highever with an extra spring in her step. She had walked down these streets many times before during her childhood and youth, but this time everything was different. She wasn't just some working-class peasant betrothed to some nobody trader or some grunt in the army anymore; she was a Grey Warden recruit. Not only that, but she was the recruit who was given the privilege of escorting the Hero of Ferelden back to Amaranthine. Even though her more logical side told her that the only reason she was selected for this job was that she actually grew up in Highever, the knowledge that she would be the first to meet the Commander made her walk a little taller, with her head held just a bit higher as she made her way to the Noble Mabari Inn and Tavern.

Making her way into the inn, she wrinkled her nose a bit; it was just as drab a place as she had remembered, definitely not an establishment that she felt was worthy enough for her Commander. She had hoped that Commander Tabris would be waiting for her in the tavern, but upon entering, she found that, apart from a few insignificant traveling merchants, the tavern was empty. Sighing to herself, Mhairi strolled over to the inn's proprietor.

"Hello, good fellow," she said, her voice oozing arrogance and self-importance. "I am Mhairi of the Grey Wardens, and I am here to retrieve Commander Tabris. Would you be so kind as to fetch her for me?"

The innkeeper gave her an amused. "I'd be happy to. Come to think of it, I haven't seen either Zevran or Eriana today. I'll run upstairs and make sure they know you're here."

Mhairi nodded, a bit miffed that this man deigned to refer to her Commander in such a familiar manner; didn't he know who he was talking about? She knew that Tabris was an elf; perhaps that made people more likely to treat her with such casual familiarity. The old man returned alone a few minutes later. "She will be a moment, Ser. You may want to take a seat, and I'll get you something to drink." Mhairi nodded and sat down as the innkeeper moved over to his wife and whispered something in her ear. A surprised look crossed the woman's face, and she moved quickly to the door and disappeared upstairs as her husband brought a drink over to her table.

Mhairi sat there, slowly drinking her mead, and watching the door, waiting for the commander. When news had reached her that the Grey Wardens were accepting recruits, Mhairi had jumped at the prospect, and not only because she wanted to be a part of the legendary order of Warriors. As excited as that prospect made her, the chance to work with Eriana Tabris was the thing that excited her the most. She had heard tales of this elf; well, who in Ferelden hadn't? She was the woman who had nearly single-handedly stopped a Blight. Who wouldn't jump at a chance to work with such a soldier? Much to her disappointment she had arrived in Denerim just a few days after the Wardens had departed, so she was forced to wait several months to meet her.

Finishing off her drink, Mhairi began to review everything she knew about the Commander. According to the palace guards, the elven woman was one of the best duelists that they had ever seen, wielding duel weapons with unprecedented speed and precision. Those who had fought alongside her in the battle of Denerim commended her skill with a bow, claiming that they had seen her kill darkspawn with a single arrow. And of course, all of Ferelden spoke of her beauty, but those reports were often exaggerated, so Mhairi didn't give them much credence. But the thing that excited her most of all was Ser Perth's opinion of her; according to Perth, she was among the kindest and likeable people he had ever met. True, she was a focused and stern leader, one to always get the job done, but there was another side to her that you couldn't help but love. The other guards confirmed it, talking about how they missed her smiling face the sound of her laughter in the practice yard. After years of working with sour-faced, overly-serious Generals, she was ready for a commander that she could actually like, someone that she might actually call a friend.

In her musing, Mhairi lost track of exactly how much time had passed, but slowly she came to realize that she had been sitting there for nearly half an hour with no Commander. "Excuse me," she said, calling over the innkeeper, "are you sure the Commander knows that I am here?"

"She knows; just give her some time. She has, um, some unexpected things to deal with."

So she waited with growing impatience and frustration. The man brought her another drink and some food, but Mhairi just picked at it, her eyes focused on the door that led up to the rooms. The Commander had known she was coming, right? The seneschal had sent word ahead and arranged for them to stay in the inn after all. She asked the innkeeper again if everything was alright with the Commander, and he merely waved her off, assuring her that the Warden would be down shortly. Another half an hour passed before the innkeeper's wife appeared in the doorway, carrying a pack and a gray cloak with the Grey Warden Griffon embroidered on it. Behind her followed a short elven woman in a violet set of light armor, her blond hair tied up in a messy knot on the top of her head. It took Mhairi a moment to realize that she was looking at the Warden Commander herself. She fit the description that Perth and the other guards had given her, but in a way, she seemed completely different than what she expected. Instead of the smiling, personable elf she had expected, there stood a dour, stern-looking woman. The elven woman looked tired, and there was a cold, joyless look in her eyes. Commander Tabris glanced around the room, and Mhairi felt those cold, calculating eyes fall on her, appraising her for a moment before they returned to the innkeeper who was now talking to her. Mhairi shuttered involuntarily.

"So once they heard what happened, the Couslands sent down a cart for you. The messenger said that you were to keep the cart, just attach it to your horse. They also sent some supplies and some of your things that they were going to ship to Amaranthine," the Innkeeper told the Commander.

"Will my horse do that? He's a warhorse not a draft horse."

"It should be fine; he probably won't like it, but he's definitely strong enough. I'll go put your pack and weapons in the cart for you. We'll be there whenever you're ready."

Tabris thanked the man and handed the man her long, elegant bow along with the quiver of arrows. Mhairi moved to introduce herself to her Commander when the innkeeper's wife returned and, much to her surprise, pulled the elf into a huge hug. Tabris didn't seem to mind; in fact, she seemed to be hugging the woman back. The woman then whispered something in the elf's ear and patted her on the cheek in an almost maternal way.

"Now, dear, I have packed you some of that raisin bread that you loved so much along with some dried meat and cheese."

The Commander smiled weakly, "Gloria, you didn't have to do that."

"Of course I did, my dear. I have to take care of our hero don't I?" The woman smiled down at the young elf. "I just wish there was more I could do for you." Gloria sighed, "Now the next time you come to Highever, be sure to come and visit. There will always be a room here for you."

Tabris thanked the woman again and then walked over to Mhairi. "Are you the Warden recruit?"

"Yes," Mhairi said stepping forward and extending her hand toward the Commander, "I am Mhairi, and it is a great pleasure to meet…"

"Can you drive a cart?" Tabris asked abruptly, ignoring her hand.

"Um, well, yes, of course," Mhairi stuttered, surprised by the Commander's cold manner.

"Good," Tabris said. She glanced down to the floor on her right for a moment before sighing and quickly moving past her and out into the street. Mhairi stood there for a moment, confused. Then she realized that the Commander was alone.

"What happened to her companion?" Mhairi asked, turning to the innkeeper's wife. "I thought she was traveling with someone else."

"He left this morning, and Eriana was not happy about it. It would be wise if you avoided that particular subject with her," the woman said sadly. "It would also be wise if you didn't keep her waiting."

Mhairi nodded and hurried out the door after her Commander. Perhaps once they got going, Tabris would loosen up a bit. She found the Commander in the alley, talking very seriously to her horse. "I know, I know, you are not a plow horse, and I don't intend to make you one. But I need you to do this for me once, only once." The horse snorted and shook its head making the elf laugh softly. "Hey, I'm not lying, but we've got to get to Amaranthine, big boy," she said, patting the horse on the neck as she moved around it and climbed up on the cart.

Mhairi climbed in beside her, "Were you just talking to the horse?"

Tabris nodded curtly. "It's a trick I learned from the Dalish," she said as she secured her bow and arrow in front of her. "Well, let's get out of here; I've had enough of this city."

The next three days were the longest that Mhairi ever experienced. Her excitement and joy at meeting the legendary Hero of Ferelden were soon demolished as she spent time with the woman herself. The first day of the journey, Mhairi asked her questions about the Grey Wardens and the Blight, but the Commander only seemed interested in giving one or two word answers. In fact, she didn't seem interested in talking at all. If anything, the more Mhairi talked, the more annoyed the elf seemed to get with her.

When they stopped to make camp the first night, the Commander grabbed her bow and took off toward the woods. "Wait," Mhairi shouted, "You can't go out in the woods alone. It's too dangerous."

"I won't be alone," the elf said as she disappeared into the trees. A half an hour or so later, after Mhairi had gotten the fire started and the tents set up, the elf reappeared with a huge white wolf walking beside her. Mhairi gasped and drew her sword, but the Commander merely waved it off. "Don't worry about him; he won't hurt you. I told you; it's an old Dalish trick. I can summon animals to fight, hunt, whatever. He will stay with us tonight and his pack will keep watch. That way one of us doesn't need to stay up all night."

Mhairi put her sword up and watched as the elf pulled a few rabbits from her pack and began systematically cleaning and cooking them, all in complete silence. As they ate, Mhairi tried to make conversation light conversation, but the Commander simply ate in silence, picking at her food. About half way through the meal, Commander Tabris simply placed the her plate on the ground in front of the wolf and pulled her legs up to her chest and stared into the fire. Occasionally, the elf would reach out and absent-mindedly stroke the head of the wolf that was laying beside her.

"Commander," Mhairi said, suddenly remembering something, "I thought you had a mabari." The elf looked down at the wolf and nodded. "Did something happen to it?"

"No, he's staying with the Couslands for a few months."

"Do you miss him?"

The elf reached out and stroked the head of the wolf for a moment and sighed. "More than you could imagine." Without saying anything else, the elf got up and disappeared into her tent.

The second day of travel was just as painful as the first; Mhairi tried to talk about more generic things, her childhood, life in the army, and things like that, but Commander Tabris seemed even less interested in talking about that than talking about the Blight. By the third day, Mhairi decided that there was no sense trying to talk to the elven woman and was quite ready to be back at the Keep among people who would talk to her.

The sun was just setting when they approached Virgil's Keep and a heavy rain was starting to set in, a perfectly dreary ending to a perfectly dreary journey.

"Something is wrong," the Commander suddenly said, breaking the silence that had hung over the two women all day.

Mhairi looked around, "Yes, there should be some Wardens here to greet us. What is going on?" She glanced over at the silent Warden beside her.

"Leave the horse here; we continue on foot," Tabris said, securing her weapons and putting on a helmet as she leapt from the cart. Mhairi followed her, drawing her own sword. As they approached the gates, a guard came running toward them, a host of darkspawn at his feet. "Stay close and watch out for their blood," Commander Tabris shouted as she knocked an arrow and fired at the nearest darkspawn. Over half of the creatures fell to her Commander's arrows before they were even in melee range. Mhairi was impressed; cold and distant as the elf may seem, there was no doubt that she knew what she was doing when it came to killing darkspawn.

Once the last one fell, the Commander turned to the guard. "What happened here? Where are the other Wardens?"

"I don't know, My Lady; it all happened so fast. There was someone behind me, but I don't know if he was a Warden. All I heard was screaming. I got out as fast as I could."

"I left my cart with some supplies back a ways just off the road. Go there, and I will send any survivors I find your way." The guard nodded and ran off down the road. The Commander turned back to her, "We don't have much time; we need to clear the Keep." Then she stopped and looked up at the fortress. "Just stay close to me and don't go off on your own. We need to be efficient."

Mhairi nodded and followed the Warden into the keep; it was like walking into a nightmare. There were bodies and darkspawn everywhere. She wished that she had time to process the true horror of the situation, but before she was able, the monsters were on her. She threw herself into fighting, cutting down as many of the vile creatures as she was able to, but as soon as one fell, two more seemed to be there, ready to attack. Before she knew it, she was surrounded by the darkspawn. Just as one of the large ones was about to bring its sword down on her, the Commander appeared out of thin air and cut the beast down. The huge white wolf leapt on the beast, tearing out its throat as the elf spun around, cutting down two smaller darkspawn with a single sweep of her sword. Mhairi struggled to her feet and rejoined the fighting.

"I thought I told you to stay close to me," Commander Tabris shouted once all the darkspawn around them lay dead. "You got off on your own and were nearly killed. Do you even pay attention to what's going on around you?"

"I'm sorry commander; I got so caught up in fighting that I didn't realize I was so far away from you."

"Look, there are two of us, that's it, two of us, and there are likely hundreds of them. If we just go running in there without thinking, we die! Do you understand that?" The elf's eyes seemed to be burning with anger as she stormed away, the white wolf following at her heels.

Mhairi sighed and followed, purposefully staying very close to the elf as they fought their way through the courtyard of the keep. It was a grueling task, but the Commander was efficient and deadly. Once they were done, Tabris stood with one of the guards discussing the keep's fortifications and the state of things within the fortress. "Gather together anyone who is still alive and set up a base. I have a cart full of supplies and health potions just down the road if you can send someone to fetch it." The guard nodded and signaled to another soldier to go after it before handing the Commander a canteen. She took a long drink and held it out to Mhairi. "Here, drink."

"No thank you, Commander; I'm alright."

"It's not an offering; it's an order. Hydrate yourself; you don't know when you'll get another chance."

Mhairi sighed and took a drink. It seemed that she could do nothing right for the Commander. "This was the first time I ever fought against darkspawn. I had no idea how horrible they were."

Commander Tabris rolled her eyes, "So what did you expect, puppies throwing kittens? Yeah, they're horrible, they're darkspawn. You did realize what you were signing up for, right?"

Mhairi didn't reply. Instead, she just finished the drink and handed the canteen back to the guard. She was done trying to convince herself that Tabris was just angry or stressed out. After spending three days with that woman, one thing was certain; her new commander was a bitch.

* * *

Anders sighed and sank back against the wall of the cell. Escape attempt number seven had been a roaring success, and now he was once again surrounded by templars and headed back to the tower. At least he had a bed of sorts to sleep on tonight because, judging by the sounds of rain on the roof, it would have been a nasty night to sleep outside. As he was beginning to doze off, the sounds of screams and fighting outside woke him up completely. Around him, the templars were getting to their feet and pulling out their weapons.

"You know," he said hopefully, "if you let me out, I can help you kill whatever's out there."

"Shut up, apostate," one of them, Biff, he thought, barked at him as he moved toward the door.

Suddenly the door flew open and several horrible monsters came streaming in. Darkspawn, Anders instantly realized. The creatures wasted no time, launching themselves at the templars, razor-sharp teeth bared. Magic flared up around Anders as he launched an attack against the monsters, knocking several to the ground. Biff ran to the cage door and pulled it open. "Finally," thought Anders as bolted out of the cage summoning a fireball and flinging it toward the main cluster of darkspawn, "some common sense from a templar." It occurred to him how strange it was fighting alongside templars rather than with them, but he didn't really have time to dwell on it as the fighting intensified. One by one, templars and darkspawn began to fall around him (not that he was heartbroken in the least to see either fall) until there was only one creature remaining. Summoning the last of his will, a column of fire erupted from his hands, consuming the final darkspawn and carrying it to the ground.

Shaking the fire off his hands, Anders turned toward the door and was surprised to find a beautiful elven woman standing there, an amused look on her face. The soldier behind her had a sword out, ready to attack him if necessary. "Um, I didn't do it," he said quickly, realizing how it would look to an outsider, a mage standing there surrounded by the bodies of dead templars. "I'm not broken up about it or anything, don't get me wrong. I mean, Biff there made the funniest little gurgle when he went down."

The elven woman cocked her head and looked up at him. "Did you kill these darkspawn yourself?"

"Well, they helped a bit, and then they died, goodie for me," he said and was pleased to discover that the elf grinned slightly with that. "Well, I suppose introductions are in order. You may call me Anders my dear lady," he said with a flourish. "I am a mage and sadly a wanted apostate."

The warrior behind the elf spoke up. "An apostate? At Virgil's Keep?" She sounded appalled and insulted by the thought. The elf however just rolled her eyes.

"We were just stopping here on our way back to the tower, just a short rest, and now they're dead. Such a shame."

"So you weren't willingly going back to the tower I take it? " the elf said as she stepped up to him and looked down at the dead bodies.

"I wouldn't call it willingly, no. More like kicking and screaming." He turned and looked down at the elven woman who seemed to be the one in charge. "Perhaps it's a sign that the darkspawn attacked."

"A convenient one," the elf muttered.

"Isn't it though? The Maker works in mysterious ways."

The elf gave a weak laugh the said saddly, "A friend of mine used to say fate is a tricky whore, same basic idea, huh." She sighed and looked up at him. "I'll tell you what, Anders was it?" He nodded, "Well I'm Eriana Tabris, Commander of the Ferelden Grey, and I find myself in dire need of a healer. You wouldn't so happen to have any experience in that area, do you?"

Ah, so this was the famed Hero of Ferelden everyone had been talking about; no wonder she was in charge. "My lady, healing happens to be my specialty."

"Good, so primal isn't the only school of magic you specialize in; that's good to know." Anders was impressed, a non-mage who knew something about magic and wasn't afraid or intimidated by it. He liked this woman. "I'll tell you what; you help me clear out my keep, and I'll do what I can to get the chantry off your back."

Anders was surprised, "Really? You would do that for me?"

"Well anyone who can wipe out this many darkspawn singlehandedly doesn't need to be locked up in a tower, lighting fireplaces, and studying the side effects of rashvine poisoning."

"Commander," the warrior behind her spoke up. "Are you sure we can trust him?"

Eriana rolled her eyes again before turning around. "We need all the help we can get right now, and he's proven that he can hold his own against these things. So yeah, I trust him." Then she turned around and muttered under her breath, "A lot more than I can trust you."

Andres smiled, he really liked this woman; things might actually work out alright for him for once.

* * *

_Mhairi always annoyed me in the game, so I hope I captured her voice. If you want to see Eriana's reaction to waking up without Zev, I included that at the end of "Just Follow My Lead" and didn't feel like I needed to repeat it._

_Welcome to my newest followers: Arsineo d Blassenville and Sharem; I hope you enjoy! As always, thank you to my reviewers: Eva Galana and Jen43011 – You guys rock!_


	7. Chapter 7

Amaranthine reminded Eriana of her own life at the moment, falling apart, over run with darkness, and full of unfamiliar people, but in a way it was exactly what she needed. At least when she was killing darkspawn, she wasn't thinking about the sudden void that threatened to consume her life since she woke up in that bed alone. The last three days had passed in an absolute blur, punctuated only by the insistent chatter of the woman traveling with her. On some level, Eriana realized that she had been a bit unfair in her treatment of Mhairi. She really should encourage the enthusiastic young recruit, but everything she said and did just aggravated Eriana's already frayed nerves. By the time they reached Amaranthine, it was all Eriana could do to keep from yelling at the young soldier. In fact, when Eriana felt the familiar pull of darkspawn in her blood, she almost welcomed the sensation because it seemed to numb all other feelings in her. This was familiar; this was the kind of distraction she needed. Sweat and blood were a welcome but momentary relief for her, so she fought her way ceaselessly through the keep. The mage had also been a welcome distraction because he acted as a kind of buffer between her and the annoying recruit, but it wasn't enough. Sooner or later, Eriana realized, the keep would be cleared, the fighting would be done, and she would be there, surrounded by strangers, and the emptiness that had been gnawing at her for days would be back.

But until then, there were darkspawn to kill. Working together, Eriana, Anders, and Mhairi managed to clear the first few rooms of the keep, sending any survivors that they encountered out to the guards in the courtyard. As they approached the door that seemed to lead into the heart of the keep, Eriana held up a hand. "There's a small group of darkspawn just beyond this door," she said quietly. "We need to…"

She was interrupted by the sound of a battle cry accompanied by the sounds of metal clashing against metal. Eriana quickly opened the door and made her way into the room, expecting to find another guard or recruit that she would need to rescue, but was pleasantly surprised to see a dwarf who was actually holding his own against the darkspawn. There was something familiar about him, but she couldn't get a clear look at him as he was blocked by a railing that ran through the center of the two level room. As she readied her arrow, the dwarf spun around, driving his ax deep into the skull of the hurlock behind him and giving Eriana a clear look at him. "Oghren!" she shouted, releasing the arrow into the neck of the genlock that was charging toward her. The dwarf looked up and waved happily before turning his attention back to the crowd around him. Eriana felt as if a huge weight was lifted from her as she charged into the fray, happy to see a familiar face.

Once they had cleared the room of the monsters, Oghren strolled forward, leaning on the railing. "Ah, ha, there you are," Oghren said, his gruff voice was like music to Eriana's ears. "When these darkspawn showed, up, I thought, 'just wait until the commander gets here and you'll all be spitting teeth through out of your arses.' I just followed the screaming, and sure enough here you are. Good on you, kiddo."

"Hey you ole nug humper, what are you doing here?"

"Well, I came here thinkin that I might try my hand at becoming a bona fide Grey Warden."

Eriana was about to respond when Mhairi spoke up behind her. "Ugh, he was here when I left. I can't believe the Wardens didn't kick him out," she said with an obvious sneer in her voice. "I suppose, though in these dire times, any are welcome.

Eriana felt the fury rise in her as she spun around and glared at the recruit; out of the corner of her eye, she saw Anders take a wary step back. "Where do you get off passing judgment on him?" she shouted angrily. "Do you even know who this is? This is Oghren, a member of the Orzammar Warrior caste, which means that from the time he was old enough to hold an ax, he has been trained to fight Orzammar's main enemy which is, oh yeah, darkspawn. Not only that, but this man has killed more darkspawn than you will likely ever see in your entire life. He fought beside me while I was out fighting the Blight, and he was at my side when we took out the archdemon. He is among the most loyal and dedicated soldiers I have ever met, and he happens to be one of my closest friends in this world. I trust this man with my life, and since we met, there has not been a fight I have not walked into without him at my side. So, yes," she said looking Mhairi up and down, "I suppose I'm desperate enough to take just about anyone at this time, even those who insult my friends." She heard Oghren laughing when she turned back to him.

"Gee, kiddo, you're gonna make me blush if you keep that up," he said, strolling forward and clasping her arm before pulling her into a hug. She saw him glance behind her for a second. "So, where is he? Did something happen?"

Eriana shrugged, "In Antiva, I guess, or on the way there; we didn't really discuss it before hand." She sighed and looked down at him, "I'll tell you all about it once we clean all this up. You still have your private stash right?"

"You know it, Kid," he said, patting her on the back. "Now let's go, there are some darkspawn around in need of a beheading. The sooner we get to that, the sooner we can get sloggerd."

Eriana smiled and turned to introduce Oghren to Anders and Mhiari, who seemed to be hiding behind the mage. She knew that she should feel guilty about snapping at the woman, but after the way she had treated Oghren, she simply couldn't bring herself to care.

With Oghren back by her side, Eriana began to feel almost normal again.

* * *

Anders was drained; there was no two ways about it. After working for several hours clearing the keep of the darkspawn, he was physically and emotionally spent. Never before, even through all his escape attempts, had he relied so heavily on his magic as he had today. He doubted if he had the will power remaining to so much as light a candle. If he had known what fighting alongside the Grey Warden would entail, he might have just taken his chances with the templars, maybe. But there were definite perks to this choice, namely the Grey Warden herself. True, there was something about her that struck her as sad, but man, was she gorgeous. And if she could get the chantry off his back, even better.

He was leaning against the wall of the keep, trying to catch his breath as Eriana spoke with the man that they had just rescued. Apparently, the man was her seneschal, and he was giving her the bad news, all the Orlesian Wardens were either dead or captured. Oghren was standing beside her, a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Now this was a relationship he couldn't quite figure out. The elf and dwarf were obviously old comrades, judging by how well they fought beside each other, and it seemed like they were close friends. But from what he could tell, they seemed like complete opposites. She was the epitome of grace and beauty, and he smelled like a combination of old cheese and a brewery. Plus, didn't dwarfs like caves and holes in the ground while elves preferred forests and wide open spaces? How on earth did he earn her respect? Not that he'd say anything bad about him though, not after the way she blew up at the recruit when she criticized the dwarf.

"Come on, Anders," he heard Eriana say, her hand on his arm pulling him from his thoughts. "We've got company," she said nodding down toward the line of soldiers making their way up to the gates. Groaning to himself, he pushed off the wall to follow the elf. "Here," she said, handing him a vial of lyrium, "I know you must be worn out; you can't be used to using your magic quite this much."

Anders thanked her and downed the potion, feeling the familiar sensation of will surging through his veins. "I wanted to thank you, Anders," she said, hanging back to wait for him and Mhairi and Varel walked on ahead of them. "I don't think we would have made it through this without you. I really wish people could see just how invaluable strong mages are when it comes to fighting, epically ones like you who can both heal and attack. I know you didn't have to stay and help; that was really noble of you. I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate it, and I promise that I'll do whatever I can to keep you out of templar hands."

Anders was a bit surprised by her thanks and muttered something in reply. Most people looked down on mages or at least treated them as if they should be servants. He supposed most people took the whole, "Magic exists to serve man" thing very seriously.

The entered the courtyard in time to see the line of soldiers bearing the royal banner of Ferelden march into the courtyard. "Maker's breath," he thought to himself, "it's the King himself." Immediately he doubted it; after all, why would the king be visiting here? Then Mhairi and Varel both dropped to a knee, and Ander's heart skipped a beat. He turned to say something to Eriana, but she wasn't there. She had stopped dead the moment the King stepped into view. "Commander, are you okay?"

She didn't have a chance to respond because before he realized what was happening, Anders was being pushed aside by the King himself who had broken away from his guard and had run to Eriana, pulling her into a huge hug. "Maker's Breath, Ana, what happened? Where did all this blood come from?"

"The whole keep was overrun by darkspawn when I got here. All the Orlesian Wardens were either killed or gone."

"Gone, as in taken? Do darkspawn even do that?" he asked turning toward Varel (but never taking his hands off Eriana's shoulders, Anders noticed).

"I'm afraid so, your Majesty. We were completely taken by surprise; the keep was absolutely decimated," Varel said, stepping forward.

The King shook his head, "But they were Wardens, how is that even possible?"

Eriana shrugged and looked up at him, "I have no idea, Alistair; things were falling apart when I got here. What are you doing here anyway? Not that I'm not glad to see you, but I'm surprised Eamon would let you out."

He laughed, "I had hoped to greet the new Wardens. We're on our way to the Bannorn to deal with some issues with the nobility there, and I insisted that we stop here on the way. I am the King, you know, there are some perks to that."

A sad look crossed her face. "So that means you won't be staying?"

The King shook his head, "As much as I'd like to stay here and behead some darkspawn with you, I'm afraid I can't. Like I said, someone made me the king, so I have a lot of kingly things that need to be done. Perks and responsibilities." He looked around for a second, a look of concern suddenly crossing his face. "Ana, did something happen to Zevran, where is he?"

Anders saw the commander's face fall. "Antiva, I guess. We didn't exactly discuss it."

"Well, that's interesting," Anders thought to himself, "both of the people who know her are surprised to see her alone. Who in Thedas would leave her willingly?" he wondered.

"Wait, he left? Just like that?" For a moment, the King paused, "Are you okay?"

"No, but it looks like I have enough here to keep me busy and somewhat distracted for the time being at least."

The King ran his hand across the back of his neck. "Ugh, I hate to leave you alone like this."

"Hey, what am I, chopped nug livers?" Oghren said, stepping forward and slapping the King on his arm.

Eriana smiled weakly, "I won't be alone, Alistair, and the Ferelden Wardens will be along in several months. Do you think you could stay the night though? We can't exactly offer the hospitality you deserve, but we can put a roof over your head for the night."

"Of course. I assume you'll be doing a Joining in the morning, then?" Eriana nodded. "I'll stay for that too; we'll leave in the morning after that." The King said as he pulled her into another hug.

"Your Majesty," a woman said stepping forward. Anders took a deep breath when he recognized Ser Rylock, one of the templars who had captured him on his last escape attempt. "Beware, this man is a dangerous criminal."

"Ah, the dwarf is a bit of an ass, but he's harmless," Alistair said as he shot Anders a cautious look. Anders bit his lip, trying to stay quiet.

"That mage there is a dangerous apostate who we were in the process of taking back to the tower for justice."

Anders sighed, "The things you people know about justice would fit in a thimble. It doesn't matter, I'd just escape again anyway."

"Never," Rylock growled, "Murder, I'll see you hanged for the crimes you committed here."

Eriana stepped forward, "Ser Templar, allow me to say something if I may. This man has proven himself invaluable to me today. We would not have been able to clear the keep without him. I understand that the circle is a bit loath to allow mages out, but I find myself in dire need of a hearler, so I propose a compromise. Allow this mage to stay here under the supervision and protection of the Wardens. I'm sure that he would be willing to stay here so long as he doesn't have to return to the tower, but he won't be roaming around freely. It's a win win situation."

"No," Rylock said, "and I don't care if you are the Hero of Ferelden; you don't have the training necessary to control a rogue mage."

"Look, this man saved my life; he stayed and helped when he could have run away after the darkspawn killed the templars, and yes, I checked, they were killed by the darkspawn. I will not allow him to be taken and executed for doing the right thing."

"Absolutely not."

Anders' heart sank as the commander turned to look at him. "I'm so sorry, Anders." He was about to respond when she turned back around. "I hereby evoke the right of conscription on this mage. He will undergo the joining and become a Grey Warden."

"What, no, you can't do that," Rylock shouted.

The King smiled, "I do believe that the Wardens still have the right to conscript anyone, so I'll allow it." Rylock grumbled, but returned to the group of soldiers behind the King.

"A Grey Warden? Me? Well, I suppose that would work," Anders muttered, not quite sure what had just happened. The King and Commander were talking about lodging for the night as the entire party began following Varel toward Virgil's Keep, so Anders just followed numbly.

Once they were in the living quarters, Eriana turned to them. "We will do the Joining in the morning, so try to get some sleep tonight. Oghren, Alistair, would you two mind stopping by my room later tonight? I just really need to talk." The two men nodded and left to go to their rooms. Anders turned to leave too, but Eriana caught his arm. "Could I talk to you for a minute?" Anders nodded and led her into the room Varel had indicated would be his.

"Look, Anders, I'm sorry about having to do that. It wasn't my original intent to conscript you, but that templar left me no choice. It was either conscript you or allow her to take you, and I just couldn't do that, knowing that she intended to kill you." She motioned for him to sit down as she continued. "I won't lie to you, a Warden's life isn't the easiest life, and there are risks that come with joining the order."

"I know, Commander. I've studied the Wardens enough to know that many don't survive the Joining ritual, and that the ritual in and of itself changes you, though I haven't yet found out what the Joining entails."

"Well, that is one of our most closely guarded secrets. No one outside the order knows how it works. Mhairi and Ogren both volunteered for this, so they accept the risks. I just feel bad about forcing this on you, but there are benefits that come with being a Warden."

"Really? Like what?"

"Well, the chantry can't touch you for one. Once you're a Warden, you are free of the chantry's control. You will never be forced to return to the circle again, and if they try to force you, your fellow Wardens will stand up for you and defend you. Just remember that templar powers don't work on us. To us, they are just big guys in skirts with big swords."

"Ohh, no templars, I like that. So what? Are you giving me an out?"

"I'm afraid not. Once you are conscripted, you're conscripted; there's no getting out of it. I just wanted to apologize. After all you'd done for me, I should have done more to protect you. But I'll tell you the same thing my commander told me when I was conscripted…"

"Wait, you were conscripted?"

Eriana smiled and nodded, "In much the same manner that you were, actually. I was being arrested for murder, and Duncan, he was the commander before me, evoked the right of conscription and saved me."

"Whoa, you, the Hero of Ferelden were about to be arrested for murder when you were forced to join the order? That kinda shattered all illusions about you, you know."

"I know; it does for most people, that's why few people know about it. But if it makes you feel any better, most people think that the murder I was being arrested for was totally justifiable. Come to think about it, it was way more justifiable that the murder Duncan committed that got him conscripted."

"So do you have to be a murder to be a Grey Warden?"

Eriana actually laughed, "No, but there are a lot of us who enter the Wardens that way. We take anyone who has the skills that would make them a good Warden, and once you join, in the eyes of the Wardens, you past is erased. You're just a Grey Warden." She sighed for a second and looked back up at him. "But what I was going to tell you before I got sidetracked was this. I didn't conscript you just to save you. I would have invited you to join the Wardens anyway because I feel like you have the skills we need. I conscripted you because I thought you would make a fantastic Warden; saving you was just a pleasant side effect."

Anders smiled, "You really thing I'd make a good Warden."

"Absolutely."

"Alright, I'm in, and not just because you're forcing me to be in," he said with a smile. Ever since he was taken from his family and dumped in the tower, he had felt like he had been a nuisance to everyone, someone to be tolerated or controlled, but here was a woman asking him to join her order because she saw value in him. And not just any woman; it was the sodding Hero of Ferelden herself. Heck yeah, he'll join.

She smiled and patted him on the knee and turned to leave, "Commander?"

"Eriana, we're a band of brothers and sisters. Titles are just for those outside the order. Just call me Eriana."

"Right. I just wanted to know, are you okay? Something seems to be troubling you."

She sighed and shook her head, "Yes, I mean, no I'm not alright, and yes something is troubling me. I appreciate you asking, but there's nothing you or anyone for that matter can really do about it. Just get some sleep, and I'll see you in the morning."

Anders bid her goodnight and watched as she left, hoping that her two friends could do something for her because it had to be a crime against the maker for such a pretty face to carry such a sad expression.

* * *

_I don't know what was up with this chapter, but I rewrote it about three times. I think I'm better with dialogue and the things that happen outside the action of the game, and I had to actually cover in-game stuff this chapter. I dunno. A few of you asked for Zev's letter, and that will show up in the next chapter._

_As always thank you so much for reading and reviewing. You have no idea how happy your comments make me. As always, thank you to my awesome reviewers: Kainen, Envinie, Arsineo de Blassenville, CyderJenn, and Jen4306. Also to Danyal, welcome, thanks for the add, and I hope you enjoy._


	8. Chapter 8

Oghren made his way into the room he had been using since he arrived at Amaranthine, eager to wash off the day's accumulation of grime and darkspawn blood before joining Eriana and Alistair in her quarters. He was worried about his young friend. The moment he saw her standing in that room, covered in darkspawn blood, he knew that something was terribly wrong, and it didn't take him long to realize what it was. Zevran wasn't with her. Then he recognized the look in her eyes; how could he not. Hadn't he seen that same look in the mirror for years after Branka had disappeared into the deeproads without him? Sure she was still deadly, sure she was still the Warden, but Eriana was gone. The passion and the fire that had always defined her were gone from her eyes, replaced by a frantic kind of desperation. He had seen a spark of life when she recognized him and when Alistair had arrived, but it was short-lived, quickly replaced by a kind of darkness that he knew full well could consume her, a hurt that haunted him still. "Isn't that why you're here, Oghren, why you're running?" Shaking his head, he quickly banished those thoughts; now was not the time to dwell on his failures and losses. He had a friend who needed him, needed him more than she realized. After washing off and changing out of his armor, Oghren went to his liquor stash and almost grabbed a bottle of Antivan whiskey, the strongest stuff he had; then he realized that it may not be one of his smartest decisions, giving her Antivan alcohol, so he went with a strong Nevarran brew instead. Alcohol and glasses in hand, the dwarf made his way to Eriana's room.

Knocking on the door, Oghren was unsurprised to hear Alistair's voice ask who it was then tell him to enter. The King had probably been there as soon as he had changed out of his shinny new ceremonial armor. Oghrern cautiously pushed open the door and went in to find his two friends. They were sitting on a couch in front of a blazing fire, Eriana cradled in Alistair's lap like a child, crying softly with her head buried in his shoulder while Alistair held her and stroked her hair. Ogren wondered silently if she had even allowed herself to break down before now. Probably not; in public, she was always the Commander, never allowing any weakness to show lest someone use it against her. She hated being seen as weak, having to rely on someone else to save or comfort her. But here, in this room behind closed doors, she was Eriana, and here, for a moment, she would allow herself to be weak, and at least for tonight, she needed them.

"So, what's the story," Oghren asked Alistair as he put the drinks down on the table.

Alistair shrugged, "She hasn't really said anything yet. She kinda just fell apart when I got here, so I didn't press it." Alistair gave the elf a light pat on the back and a kiss on the top of the head.

"Here you go, kid, some liquid fortitude," Oghren said, pouring each of them a drink of the dark liquor.

"Make mine a double," Eriana muttered, her head still resting of Alistair's shoulder, but turning and taking the drink from Oghren. She downed it in one long swig and held it out for him to pour a second one.

"Take it easy kid, this is some strong stuff."

"I don't care; I just want to forget, to be numb," she said as she downed the second drink and turned back into Alistair's chest.

Alistair went back to stroking her hair, giving the alcohol a chance to work, "So, Ana, do you think you're okay to talk now; could you tell us what happened?"

She sighed and lifted her head, pulling her knees up to her chest, but staying in the protective circle of Alistair's arms. "I don't know what happened, really. Everything was fine while we were in Highever. I mean, he talked about the wedding and what we would do once we move here and everything. Then the morning that we were supposed to leave for here, I woke up and he was gone."

Alistair looked down at her, "Did you two have a falling out or something?"

"No, if anything things were better than ever. That's what I don't understand; it just came out of nowhere. I wake up to find that he took off in the middle of the night, without so much as saying goodbye. All that he left was a letter. A letter!" she shouted, "after all we've been through, and he just leaves a letter." A sob shook her body as she turned back into Alistair's chest.

Oghren grunted and downed his drink, "So do you still have this letter?" Eriana nodded and gestured toward the table. Oghren picked up the folded piece of paper, instantly recognizing the Antivan's practiced hand.

_My Dear Warden,_

_The Crows it seems are of quicker resolve than I had originally realized. I had hoped that your mere presence would be enough to deter them for a time, but that does not seem to be the case. As it stands our continued relationship seems to endanger us both, something I cannot allow to happen. We would be easy targets in Amaranthine; you know this, though you may not want to admit it._

_As much as it pains me to leave you, My Warden, it seems that I have little choice. There are pressing things that I must attend to in person that require that I leave. Do not make any attempt to follow me; I will be gone from Ferelden before you even read this. Know that I will carry the memory of you with me always._

_I am sorry that it has come to this. Clearly, this is not what I desire, but it seems that our lives have inevitably pulled us apart. I hope that you will remember me fondly as I will remember you._

_Zevran_

There was a short postscript scribbled in Orlesian at the bottom of the letter, but Oghren couldn't decipher it as he didn't speak Orlesian.

Oghren shook his head and handed the letter to Alistair, watching the King's face grow angry as he read it. He couldn't blame him; the letter was so impersonal that it was almost cold. Zevran gave no indication as to what his plans were or if he intended to return. No wonder she was so upset; the letter wasn't exactly a break up, but it gave her no assurance that he would come back for her.

"What is the Orleisan bit at the bottom?" he asked as Alistair was reading the letter.

Eriana shrugged, "I have no idea. He knows I only speak Ferelden and Antivan. Why he would add something in Orlesian is beyond me. Alistair, can you translate it?"

"No, I was never good with languages in Chantry school. What does he mean 'the Crows are of quicker resolve than I realized,'" Alistair asked. "Did something happen?" Eriana nodded and started explaining the attack to the two men. "Wait," Alistair said, interrupting her, "Are you saying that you were nearly killed? How did they even know how to find you?"

Eriana shrugged, "It wasn't as bad as it sounds; we were able to kill them and stop the poison before any real damage was done. But it did spook Zevran; I think. He seemed to blame himself because they were after him." She looked up at Alistair, "We knew this was coming, though; Ignacio warned us, and we had talked about it at great length."

Oghren propped his legs up on the table, "Talking about the risk and seeing the one you love hurt because of you are two totally different things. Seeing what the Crows did to you probably forced him reevaluate things."

"So why didn't he talk to me about it? Why did he just leave?" Oghren could hear her voice become heavy with tears again. "I would have…we could have…I'm the Hero of Ferelden for crying out loud; it takes more than a few Crows to kill me. We were just surprised by this attack because it was so soon, that's all. We would have been ready for the next one."

"Maybe he didn't want there to be a next one," Alistair said. "It looks like he was trying to prevent that, to protect you by leaving."

"Well maybe I don't need protecting. I mean, look at the mess I'm in now. If he wanted to protect me, then shouldn't he be here now."

"Well, maybe he just wanted to make sure that there was one less thing you had to worry about. He knew you'd have your hands full, and this was a way of easing some of the pressure on you," Alistair said as he rubbed her back.

"What are you defending him now?" she shouted, eyes blazing.

"Noooo, nooo, nooo, not defending him, empathizing with him, maybe." Alistair quickly amended, pulling her close. "The way he went about it was wrong, but I can see where he may have been coming from. He knew he couldn't stop the darkspawn, but he could stop the Crows."

"But why did he leave the way he did?"

Oghren sighed, "If he had talked to you about his plans, would you have just let him go?" Eraina sighed and shook her head. "Look, kiddo, I know he loved you, there was no hiding it, so he must have thought things were really bad if it drove him to leave you. I don't think this was something that he did lightly."

"I agree with Oghren. I don't think he would have left you if he didn't think it was important."

Eriana sighed and rested her head on Alistair's shoulder again. "But it doesn't make things any easier. Why does this always happen to me? Just when it seems that my life is finally starting to work out, just when it seems things are going right, the bottom falls out and everything falls apart. I feel like my life has been one broken mess that I'm constantly trying to put back together only to have it fall apart again." She downed another drink. "I'm so tired of it all; I just wish it would all stop, that I could make the pain go away."

Oghren got up and put a hand on her knee and turned her head so that she was looking at him, "Kid, I know you're hurting, and I know that this isn't fair, but if anyone can make it through this, you can. You are stronger than anyone I know, myself included. It will take more than this to break you." Eriana smiled and hugged him.

"Thank you Oghren," she looked up at Alistair, "and you too, Al, I needed this tonight. I've been holding this in for three days. I think I'll be better in the morning, a little hung-over, but better."

Oghren and Alistair left an hour or so later after tucking the sleeping elf into her bed. Alistair was a bit hesitant to leave. "Do you think one of us needs to stay with her tonight?" he asked as they were turning to leave her bedchamber.

"No, she would be worried about how it would look to have one or both of us leave her room in the morning. She's an arlessa now and has to keep up appearances."

"You're right; I just feel bad, you know, leaving her like this."

"She's a tough one, Al; I think she'll be okay."

Alistair shook his head, "I don't know about that, Oghren. She acts tough, but she's hurting, bad. I've only seen her like this once, and it was his fault then too."

"Yeah, I know; she isn't like this often. You didn't see her when you left after the Landsmeet; that hit her pretty hard, too. But she's strong, and there's a lot going on here to distract her. As long as she has something to do, she'll be alight, I think," Oghren said as they closed the door to her room. "So, be honest, do you think he'll be back."

"I have no idea. If he's trying to do what I think he's trying…do you think he can do it, take over the Crows, I mean?"

Oghren shrugged, "If he's determined enough, maybe. He's clever enough to pull it off, and luck always plays a part in things like this, and he's got that in spades. For her sake, I hope his luck holds out."

Alistair sighed, "I just hate to leave her like this; it feels like I'm abandoning her."

"Hey, she's got me, doesn't she? I'll keep an eye on her, keep her distracted enough. She'll be alright."

* * *

Eriana woke up before the sun peeked over the horizon. Sighing, she pulled her knees up to her chest, unwilling to stretch out into the cold, empty bed. Waking up alone in such a big bed was somehow worse than waking up alone on a bedroll; perhaps the huge void in the bed was too similar to the huge void in her heart. She groaned as she rolled over, her head pounding with the lingering effects of the previous night's alcohol. She silently cursed herself for having drunk so much on an empty stomach as that always made her hang-over worse. How she could be both hungry and nauseated at the same time, she didn't know, but her stomach lurched bitterly at the thought of eating anything. She sighed to herself as the thought back over the previous night. She had woken up briefly when Alistair and Oghren had put her to bed and had listened to the two of them discuss whether or not they should stay with her. Part of her wanted to beg them to say, if only to keep from being alone for just one night, but she knew they were right to leave. She was the Warden Commander, and it was important that started to act like it. She was in no position to show any weakness; it was time to get down to business. Donning her armor and plastering a confident expression on her face, Warden Commander Eriana Tabris made her way down into the keep, ready to start putting her arling, her order, and her keep back together.

* * *

Alistair and Eriana made their way into the courtyard. She was grateful to Alistair for staying through the Joining ceremony. She wasn't sure she could have watched Oghren bring that chalice to his lips without Alistair's presence at her side. The only thing that was bothering her about the ritual was Mhairi. The young warrior had been so excited about the prospect of joining the Wardens despite the fact that Eriana had been so cruel to her, but in the end, the taint was simply too much for her.

"A copper for your thoughts," Alistair said as the servants were packing up the last of their things.

"I was so mean to her Alistair," Eriana said, glancing up at him. "I knew I was being mean the whole time we were together. She was young and excited, and all I did was crush that spirit and criticize her. I never really gave her a chance." She shook her head, "Are you sure you want me in charge here? I mean, I've done a pretty piss-poor job here thus far, allowing my Keep to be overthrown and being overly-critical of young, talented recruits and not even apologizing for it."

"Hey," he said, turning to her, "there is no one else I'd rather have here, no one I'd trust more. You were going through a hard time with you met Mhairi; you remember what I was like after Ostagar, right?" Eriana gave him a weak smile, "I snapped at people, mopped around, and complained about everything, but that wasn't me just like this isn't you. You will do a great job, I know it."

Eriana threw her arms around him, "Thank you, Alistair. I will try, really, I will."

"I know you will. Now, are you going to be okay?"

Eriana shrugged, "I don't know, but there should be enough here to keep me busy for the time being." She gave him a little shrug, "Now go, you have more important things to do than sit here and hold a weeping elf."

"I wouldn't say more important; if you need me to stay, I will. Eamon can handle the banns for me."

She smiled up at him, "You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that, Alistair, but really, I'll be okay. The best cure for misery is sweat, right? Just take care of yourself, okay."

"You too, and I promise to come by whenever I get a chance."

Eriana nodded and gave Alistair another hug before he and his entourage mounted their horses and left. Eriana felt her chest constrict a bit as Alistair disappeared from sight. Now to work; stay busy, stay distracted. As she stood there, watching Alistair leave, a dwarf and human guard came up to talk to her, introducing themselves as Voldrick and Garevel. Garvel, it seems was the captain of her guard and Voldrick was a dwarf who had been hired to reinforce the masonry on the walls of the keep. She realized it would be some time before Anders and Oghren were ready to work, so she suggested that they give her a tour of the battlements so that they could all get a good look at the keep's defenses and identify areas that need to be reinforced. Distractions, yes, distractions were good.

"So, this is the northernmost part of the wall," Garvel said, gesturing to the guard tower that they were approaching. "You have a secret entrance that opens up into the woods just beneath us. I believe it leads to your office and chambers."

"We could add some rune reinforcements to the entrance," Voldrick said, "You know, enchant it so only your signet ring or something like that opens it. We have several passages that are guarded like that in Orzammar especially in the Diamond District. It could give you an added level of security."

Eriana nodded, "You said that these are the northernmost battlements, those closest to the sea?" Garvel nodded. Eriana looked out into the woods for a moment. "An entrance here that could be secured without guards would be helpful; Voldrick, what would you need to do that?"

"Well, we would need some lyrium and some rune stones, and I think the Wardens have hired someone to do enchantments for you. We can work together to make sure it's done," he said as they continued on around the walls or the fortress. "From what I can tell, the darkspawn did a real number on this place. It will take a good deal of gold to get these walls up to standard."

"How much gold?"

"I would save 80 sovereigns at the very least to get the wall up to a passable strength. I know that the Amaranthine coffers are rather empty, but…"

"Mine are not, Voldrick; I'll have you the money by the end of the day," she said as they reentered the courtyard and bid them goodbye.

"One more thing, commander, we have a prisoner in the basement that you will need to deal with. He was captured the day before you arrived; it took four Grey Wardens to subdue him. We caught him poking around the estate in the middle of the night."

Eriana was impressed, "Four Wardens, you say? Who is he?"

"He won't give his name, but he's definitely not an ordinary burglar, that's for sure."

She glanced around the courtyard. "Alright, I'll go deal with him. Could you go and fetch the other Grey Wardens for me and have them meet me in the dungeon?" she asked as she headed off for basement. There she found a dark-haired man glaring at her with an angry, hate-filled look in his eyes, but something about him seemed familiar. She glanced over at the guard, "Open the cell, then leave us."

"Commander?"

"I said leave us, thank you," she said as she strolled into the cell with the thief. She leaned against the bars, looking at him as the guard shut the door behind her and left.

"So this is the famed Hero of Ferelden, conquer of the Blight and vanquisher of all evil. I thought you were supposed to be ten feet tall with lightning shooting out of your eyes."

"Ten feet tall, I guess you missed the part where they told you I was an elf."

"I suppose so," he said, standing, still regarding her coldly. "Somehow, I expected my father's murder to be a bit more impressive."

"Your father?"

"Rendon Howe," he spat. So that was why he seemed so familiar; this was the oldest Howe. "I'm Nathaniel, and it's my family's land you so conveniently inherited. I came here to kill you, you know, to avenge my father's death. I'm not without skill, you know," he said, and before she could react he was on her, pinning her to the wall, an arm at her throat.

She looked up at him, coolly, "So, now you have me, Nathaniel; what do you plan to do? You are not armed, and it would take too long to strangle me; you'd risk the guards coming back and catching you."

"I could disarm you."

Eriana smiled. "Not completely. Oh, you'd likely get one or two of the daggers off me, but," she said, "there's no way you could get them all."

Nathaniel looked down at her, "I have you pinned to the wall, talking about killing you, and you don't even seem to be afraid."

"If I panicked every time something attempted to kill me, I would be a terrible Grey Warden, Nathaniel. Besides, if you were truly intent on killing me, you would have waited till I was here, staked out my movements, and caught me at a vulnerable moment. You know all the secret passages in this castle, and every hiding place, too. If you really wanted to kill me, then you wouldn't have gotten caught the way you did."

Nathaniel blinked for a moment then shook his head. "I could always come back and try again."

"Would you?"

Nathaniel sighed, "Look, once I got here and saw the place crawling with Wardens, all I really wanted was to get some family things. That's why I got caught because I was looking for family keepsakes," he said as he released his hold on her. "Look, I just got back to Ferelden a few months ago to find my entire family gone, my name disgraced, and my land given to the woman who killed my father; how would you react? I didn't know what to do; killing you was the only thing that seemed right."

"Killing me won't bring your father back, and before you say anything, it won't give you any peace either. Believe me, I know. Revenge won't solve your problems; if anything, it makes them worse."

"Fine, oh wise one, so what do you suggest I do?"

"You could work to regain your family's honor. You weren't here when your father did those things; you could help fix that."

Nathaniel laughed bitterly, "And how am I to do that, huh? Joining the king's army. I'm sure King Alistair would welcome a Howe with open arms."

"He was just here, if you hurry, you could catch him," she said turning toward the cell door, surprised to find Oghren and Anders standing there with Varel and Garvel, all four with furious looks on their faces. "How long have you guys been standing there?"

"Long enough," Oghren grunted as he opened the door to let her out. "So what are you doing with him?"

"Letting him go," she said. Varel, Garevel, Anders, and Oghren all shouted "What?" in unison while Nathaniel just stood there, staring at her, mouth open in surprise. "You heard me, give the man his things, let him collect some of his family possessions, and let him go."

"Are you serious," Anders asked, aghast while Oghren just shook his head. "The man just said he would try to kill you given the chance."

Eriana shrugged, "If he is foolish enough to try, then he'll die; as he has made no official attempt on my life, I see no reason in holding him. Give the man his things and let him go." She turned to walk away, "But if I ever see you in my Keep again, Nathaniel, I will kill you." She made her way back into the courtyars, Oghren following quick on her heels.

"So, kid, what's the real meaning behind this?" Oghren asked once they were away from the others.

"Look, I killed his father; the man has every right to hate me. I can't blame him for that, but he seemed sincere enough when he said that he had changed his mind about killing me."

Oghren shook his head, "You know Zevran would freak out if he knew about this."

"Yeah, well, Zevran isn't here to have an opinion about that, is he? So I suppose I'll have to rely on my own judgment."

Oghren shrugged, "Your judgment hasn't led you astray yet."

Eriana glanced back at the dungeon, "Not yet anyway."

* * *

_Well, we have Wardens now, yeah! I hope you all enjoyed this one, even though it's a bit longer than my usual chapters. Thanks to those of you who took the time to read and review, Warrose, Jen4306, Danyal, and Eva Galana. I really do listen to what you all say and value your opinions. And welcome aboard to those who added alerts and faves, Ataea, Kainen-no-Kitsune, and Thorn of the Dead Gods. I hope you all enjoy! Let me know what you think!_


	9. Chapter 9

_AN: I had to go back and add something that I forgot to the last chapter. It's a minor detail, but it comes up later in the story. At the end of Zev's letter, there are a few lines written in Orleisan, and as none of them read Orleisan, none of them know what it says. That's all. You can reread it if you want, but it's not exactly necessary._

_That being said, I'll go ahead and put my normal thanks at the beginning this time. A big thank you to everyone who has been reading regularly and reviewing. Just knowing that people are enjoying this is enough motivation to keep me going. A special thanks to my regular reviewers. Enpowera, Danyal, Eva Glanda, and Jen4306, you guys are awesome! Thank you too to the people who added alerts: Taisenokami, Ereneviana, Enpowera, and YukinaAmonYoukai, as well as the favorites: WhenNightmaresWalked, RubyPele, NorthernBreeze, and Akuma Mame. I hope you all enjoy._

* * *

For the first time in his life, Anders felt like he was actually being useful. He had never felt like his magic was a burden per say, more of an inconvenience that made most sane people cower at the sight of him. Ever since he was taken from his family and placed under chantry control, he felt like his life and his magic had been one big waste. But now, now he was a contributing member of society again; now he could shoot lighting and fireballs at things and actually try to kill them; now he was surrounded by people who didn't look at him like a demon was about to burst from his chest. Granted, those people were Grey Wardens, and he was pretty sure that they were somewhat crazy, but he didn't care. It almost made him feel normal. Well, as normal as one can feel covered from head to foot in darkspawn innards. The only thing that actually bothered him was how normal he felt. Maybe he was a bit crazy, too. Either he was becoming slightly masochistic or he derived great pleasure from finally feeling useful. "Yeah," Anders thought, "let's go with the later; useful, useful is good."

Anders had spent his first day as a Warden with Oghren and Eriana, cleaning up The Vigil's basement, and by cleaning up, he meant killing lots of darkspawn. After seeing how the dwarf and elf worked so seamlessly together the day before, he thought that he might feel like an intruder, but he found it to be quite the opposite. He fell in easily with the light-hearted banter between the two and worked quite efficiently with them, healing and supporting them with timely offensive spells.

"You know, sparkle fingers, you're all right," Oghren said, slapping him on the back as they waited for Eriana to climb up the ladder leading out of the basement. "I think you'll fit in just fine, once you get used to all the blood and gore. You probably didn't get much of that back in the tower, especially if you weren't there for the whole Uldred thing." The commander had just given him a nod before turning to Varel to discuss their situation. Well, if the dwarf approved of him, he must be doing something right.

As he was walking back to the Keep, Anders overheard Eriana talking to Varel. "I brought some health potions and herbal remedies with me from Highever, but I think the guards used most of them last night after the attack. I'll have to get some supplies while we're in the city later this week, but neither Oghren nor I know anything about herbs. I guess we'll have to hire someone to mix up the potions for us."

Anders turned around, "You need an herbalist? I studied herbology in Circle. Would you like me to look over your stores and try to replenish your stock? I could head over there right now."

Eriana smiled, "That would be such a help, Anders, but you can do that tomorrow while I see to some paperwork Varel's been bugging me about. Don't worry about it tonight; it's been a long day. Get yourself some dinner then get some rest. We'll be heading into Amaranthine in two days, so rest up."

Anders smiled, happy to find another way to be useful. He hoped that if the Commander decided that he was worth keeping around, she may not send him back to the Circle. She had told him that she would protect him from the templars and keep him out of chantry hands, but he wasn't about to give her any reason to doubt him. Stay useful, make yourself essential, and she'll keep you around, that was his mantra. With that thought in mind, Anders made his way into the storeroom the next morning to evaluate their supplies. He soon discovered that Eriana had a good stock of herbs, some of them things he had never used or seen before, but she was lacking several essentials needed to make the most basic health potions. Making a quick list of the things he would need, he made his way, hoping he didn't get lost in the unfamiliar keep, to Eriana's office.

He found her pacing the floor, dictating a letter to Varel. She waved him in and motioned for him to take a seat as she finished the letter. "So we need to send a copy of this to each of the Arls in Northern Ferelden, let them know about the potential threat and how to protect themselves. Until our numbers are up, we can't see to isolated attacks, and since the main darkspawn threat seems to be here, we'll be focusing our efforts on clearing up this mess first." She sighed, squeezing the bridge of her nose as she leaned against the table.

"What about your Banns?" Varel asked without looking up.

"I suppose we can inform them of the situation while they're here for the fealty ceremony next week; until then, we need to make sure we increase the guards in the city and increase patrols on the highways."

"Do you want me to pass these letters on to the Couslands?"

Eriana nodded, "But I need to add in some personal correspondence with them, too. I need to thank them for their generosity and let them know what is going on. I'll also need to send information south to my other Wardens. They'll need to know about the talking darkspawn so they can keep an eye out for them."

"Are you going to recall them to Amaranthine?"

"No, I wish I could, but the situation in the South needs to be dealt with, too." She sighed, running a hand across the back of her neck. Anders summoned a healing spell and enjoyed the relaxed look that crossed her face as she began to feel its effects. "I'm not sure how to get in touch with them, though. Chances are they are deep in the Wilds. If I wrote a letter using our cipher do you think you could transcribe a few copies for me; I'll have to send letters to several places to make sure they get them, and I can't risk them falling into the wrong hand." Varel nodded and took the letters into the adjoining office.

"We have a cipher? That's cool." Anders said walking up to her desk.

"Yeah, we have a lot of trade secrets so it's important that we have a secure way to communicate. Only senior Wardens are taught the code." She chucked to herself. "If it wasn't for Riordan, Alistair and I wouldn't even know about it. He was horrified to find out the only two Wardens in the nation facing a Blight were so ignorant when it came to Warden secrets." She perched on the edge of her desk and looked up at him. "So Anders, what can I do for you?"

"I was going through your supply of herbs and potion making things, and I have to say, you have some strange stuff in there."

She shrugged, "Well, most of my herbs are used in poisons, not health potions. I may not be able to make anything that will heal you, but I can concoct a potion that will stop your heart in a minute and a half."

"Well that's not scary at all," Anders said with a laugh. "Well, I was wondering if it would be alright with you if I went out to the courtyard to talk with those merchants who came in yesterday. I bet some of them would have the supplies I need…What?

Eriana was looking up at him with a confused look on her face. "Are you asking my permission to go outside into the courtyard?"

Anders got a bit nervous; had he overstepped his boundaries? "I'm sorry, of course I'll take someone with me; I should have realized…"

"No, no, it's not that; Anders, of course you can go outside. This isn't the Circle; you don't have to ask permission to leave the building. I do ask that you inform me if you plan to leave the Keep though, so I can find you quickly if I need you."

"I can leave the Keep?"

"Yeah, though, I don't advise that you do it alone seeing as we have a darkspawn problem on our hands right now and you don't want to be caught alone. In fact, just let the merchants know you're getting things for me, and I'll settle the bill for them later."

Anders was surprised, "So I can just go out whenever I want?"

Eriana reached out and patted him on the arm, "Anders, Virgil's Keep is your home now; it's not a prison, not like the Circle was. Here you're a Grey Warden first, mage after that." She tucked her legs under her. "You know, it's easy for me to forget how strange this kind of freedom can be for someone who has never had it, but I do understand where you're coming from. When I first became a Warden, I felt weird wearing a weapon for months."

"Really, why is that?"

"Well, in most cities in Ferelden, it is illegal for me to carry a weapon; elves can be killed on the spot if they caught bearing arms."

"So how did you get away with it during the Blight?"

"We stayed out of most major cities, and when we did arrive in most of them, they were usually being attacked by something nasty. Needless to say, they didn't care who was swinging a sword, as long as they were killing darkspawn or zombies or demons. Actually, the only place I had any problems was in Denerim, and I got past that by pretending to be an Antivan Crow whenever the guards questioned me."

Anders laughed, "How did you pull that off?"

"Well, my mother was Antivan, so I kind of look the part, and I can mimic the accent and speak the language pretty well. Plus, I had an actual Crow with me, so that made things a lot more convincing." A sad wistful look suddenly crossed her face and for a moment she seemed lost in the past. "Sorry," she said when she realized that she had zoned out, shaking her head as if to banish whatever memory she had just lost herself in. "Like I was saying, you will probably need to adjust to your new freedom, so don't be afraid to ask for anything."

Anders looked down at the elven woman. Her situation was like his in many ways. People judged him because he was born a mage, and he imagined that people judged her the same way since she was an elf, and not just an elf, but a beautiful elven woman. While he could disguise his true nature, there was no escaping it for her; maybe that's why she worked so hard. He smiled down at her, "Thank you commander."

"Eriana, Anders, I thought I asked you to call me Eriana. Anyway, if you have a minute, I did have something I wanted to talk to you about. When we were clearing out that basement yesterday, I realized that there are only three of us."

"Wow, so to be a Warden not only do you have to be a murder, but you have to be able to count to three, too."

Eriana smiled and rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm not used to fighting with such a small group. Usually, I would hang back and attack with our mages from a distance; that way I can defend them if something gets too close. But I can't do that, I would have to send Oghren into melee combat alone, and I can't risk him getting overwhelmed."

Anders summoned a small ball of fire in his hand, "Commander, I think I can handle myself if anything gets past you."

"I know you could, but your robes don't offer a great deal of protection and you're not exactly experienced in combat just yet. It only takes one blow for things to turn very bad very quickly, trust me, I know, and we can't afford to lose you." She reached into the desk and pulled out a small scroll and handed it to him. "When I was in the Brecilian Forest, I came across a phylactery that taught me the mechanics behind an ancient form of magic. Of course, I couldn't use it, but I wrote it down, thinking it may come in handy one day. The spirit in the phylactery called itself an arcane, and from what I could gather, these spells allow you to use weapons and armor, channeling your manna and transforming it into strength."

Anders took the papers and read over them with great interest. "We could have Oghren or the guards give you a few lessons on handling a sword so you can defend yourself should things get close to you. It's probably not chantry approved magic, so if you don't want to risk it, I understand completely. I just thought all three of us should be armed since our numbers are so few; plus you have good reach, so I'd say you'd be pretty good with a sword." She glanced up at him. "So, what do you think?"

"Commander, you had me at non-chantry approved magic. I'm in."

She smiled a rare genuine smile, "Excellent, when we go into Amaranthine tomorrow, I will see about getting you some custom armor made." Then she muttered almost to herself, "I wish we had someone here to take care of armor."

"We do," Varel said, as he put some papers down on her desk for her to sign. "Herren and Master Wade arrived from Denerim last night and set up shop in the Keep. Didn't I tell you that I'd hired him to arm our guard?"

Eriana lit up. "Wade is here?" she said excitedly. "Oh, Varel, you really are the best! Come on, Anders; I'm going to introduce you to the best blacksmith in all of Ferelden."

After an hour or so of talking about armor and enchantments and designs, Anders returned to the keep with the promise of a new set of armor that was suitable for a mage by the fealty ceremony. "Why would I need my armor by then?" Anders asked as he walked alongside the elf. "Aren't they just swearing fealty to you?"

"Because you are a Grey Warden, so you have to be there. They are swearing fealty to the Wardens, and as the Warden Commander, I am the acting Arlessa, but it doesn't make me a noble. They're vowing loyalty to you as much as they are to me."

"Bollocks!" Anders said, giving her a slight nudge, "You just don't want to be there by yourself. This is one of those if I have to, you have to too things isn't it."

"You better believe it, and as your commanding officer, I say you have to, so there," she said, nudging him back. "Anyway, we'll be leaving for the city of Amaranthine in the morning and will probably be staying for a few days, so pack for a few days." She gave him another brief nudge before disappearing into her chambers.

* * *

Anders found the Commander in the dining hall the next morning, already fully dressed in her shimmering leather armor, picking at the half-empty plate of food in front of her. She gave him a weak good morning, and he realized that something was off with her. Something told him that those straps of leather and buckles wasn't the only armor that she put on that morning. "Hey, you don't look so well, is something wrong."

"It's nothing," she said, leaning back in her chair. "I just didn't sleep well last night."

Anders summoned a rejuvenation spell and watched as the warm light washed over her. She gave him a weak smile and returned to picking at her food. "No, Commander, I'm not sure it's that. I think there's something more. You should let me do a full exam once we get to the inn in Amaranthine."

"Anders, it's just the taint you're sensing; I promise, there's nothing wrong, but I think you for your concern." He started to protest, "No, I mean it, don't worry about me and don't waste your manna; I'm fine. Come on, let's go meet Oghren."

"So explain to me again why we're walking to Amaranthine when there is a perfectly good horse and wagon back at the keep," Oghren muttered as he walked out of the gates of the fortress between Anders and Eriana. Anders had wondered the same thing but thought it best not to say anything; it seemed like she was something wrong, so he didn't want to say anything to set her off.

"Because Comar is the only horse we have at present, and he's a warhorse, not a draft horse. I promised him that I wouldn't make him pull that cart again. Besides, this will give us a chance to scout the land between the Virgil and the city."

"Did you say you talked to your horse? How would he even know what you were saying?" Anders asked.

"It's an old trick the Dalish taught me; I can communicate with most animals if I can catch them in a calm state of mind. You remember back when we met and I had that wolf fighting with me?" Anders nodded. "Well, that wolf followed me all the way from Highever. It's a handy trick if you know what you're doing."

"I was wondering about that," Oghren said, glancing up at her. "You used to always summon bears or those giant spiders; you hadn't used wolves in ages. Why the change"

Eriana blushed slightly and shrugged. "Honestly? It reminded me of Ramoth; I guess I missed him more than I realized." She looked at Anders and added, "Ramoth is my mabari. He's staying with the Couslands, helping them replenish their numbers in their kennels."

Oghren laughed, "Good on him, the old stud. Looks like the dog's getting more action than you, eh sparkle fingers?"

"A lovely thought, my smelly friend, thank you so much for pointing that out," Anders muttered when Eriana put out an arm, bringing them all to a stop. Standing there in the road, arms crossed, was Nathaniel Howe. Anders heard a low grow rumble out of the dwarf's chest as he slid the ax off his back. Eriana gave him a brief pat on the back and motioned for him to stay back as she moved forward to meet the man.

"Careful there, Commander," Oghren grumbled, "I don't like the look of this one, he just might go all Zevran on you."

The effect of Oghren's words was obvious immediately. The elf immediately stopped dead in her tracks, the color draining from her face as she shot an icy stare at the dwarf. Andres realized immediately that the dwarf had struck a nerve; he must have realized it too because he dropped his head and looked nervously at his feet for a moment. "Too soon?" he asked, looking up at her. "Yeah, I figured as much, sorry kid, shouldn't have brought it up." He put a hand on her arm, "You okay."

She shook off his touch and glared down at the dwarf. "Later, Oghren," she snapped before walking off toward the nobleman, one hand resting on the dagger at her hip, the other fingering the throwing daggers strapped to her chest. "Howe, I have to say I'm surprised to see you here."

"Well, I wanted to talk to you, and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be welcome back at the keep."

Eriana kept her hands on her weapons as Oghren leaned forward on his giant ax. "So, talk."

"You set me free. You just let me go even after I said all those things to you about what I might do. I want to know why."

Eriana sighed, "Look Nathaniel, I had no reason to kill you, but you have every right to hate me. I know I hurt you, even though I didn't do it intentionally, so you were justified in wanting revenge, especially if you didn't know everything that happened last year. I have no fight with you."

"Even though I was looking for a fight with you. You surprised me with your mercy; I have to say, I didn't expect anything like that. I guess I expected you to kill me." He looked down at the elf. "I went to Amaranthine, completely unsure of what I was going to do next, and I found out that my sister was alive. She told me everything…what my father did to the Couslands…to the Arl of Denerim…I almost can't believe that was the same man I remember." He ran a hand through his hair, "Look, take me with you; make me a Grey Warden."

Eriana blinked up at him, "You want to join the Grey Wardens?"

He shrugged, "I almost can't believe I'm asking this, but yes. You showed me mercy that I never expected and that I certainly didn't deserve. To be perfectly honest, I thought I would die back there; in some ways, maybe I wanted to. There is nothing else for me here. Let me join you; let me do my part to fight the darkspawn. It's what my father should have done; it's what I'd like to do."

"And why should I trust you?"

"You probably shouldn't," Nathaniel said.

"I second that," Oghren mumbled.

"Look, at least let me try; I promise I'll prove myself to you."

Eriana stood there for a while assessing him. "So what could you contribute to the order?" Anders sighed, wondering why she was actually considering accepting this man's offer.

"Well, one more Warden would probably be helpful, considering that there are only three of you at present." Well, even Anders couldn't argue with that logic. "I also have a vast knowledge of poison and trap making, and I won the Denerim archery tournament two years in a row before I went to squire in the Free Marches. I know this arling better than you do, probably better than Varel does, and I may be helpful in gaining the support of some of my father's followers."

"You say you know poisons? So if I mixed toxin extract with ground deathroot, what would I have?"

"Well, you have to distill it first, but in the right quantities you can make pretty potent Crow poison which will slow your victim's reaction by causing their joints to cramp up."

Eriana nodded, still assessing the nobleman. "Fine, I'll tell you what, come with us to Amaranthine; if you've proven yourself and haven't tried to kill us by the time we get back, and then you're in." She reached out and grasped his forearm with a nod. Anders just shook his head; surely this was a bad idea, allowing someone who until recently expressed a deep-seated animosity for them into the order. But, she seemed to know what she was doing, and Oghren wasn't questioning it, so Anders just fell in line behind them, walking with the dwarf behind the two rogues who were talking about arrows and poisons.

Once she seemed sufficiently engaged in conversation with their newest teammate, Anders looked down at Oghren. "So, is she crazy? I mean this is crazy, right?"

Oghren just shrugged and continued walking. "She has this thing about giving people second chances, whether they've earned it or not. It's part of her nature to forgive people and give them chances for redemption; it's part of her charm, too. Don't worry about her; she's got pretty good instincts when it comes to things like this."

"And," Eriana said turning around, "some of my closest friends have tried to kill me."

Oghren grinned, "I should have mentioned that she has great hearing, too, but yeah, she's right. By the time we marched on Denerim, there were three members of our party who had at one point or another tried to kill her. All three of them had fought against her, one on one, and lost, and all three of them were willing to die to save her."

"One of them did," Eriana added sadly before turning back to Howe.

"Loghain Mac Tir," Oghren said. "If it wasn't for him, she would have died on Fort Drakon." Oghren shrugged, "It's a talent she has, I guess."

"So do you think she trusts him?"

Eriana turned again, "You can just ask me, Anders; I can hear you," she added with a slight smile. "And for the record, no, I don't completely trust him, not yet." She glanced at Nathaniel, "Not that you can exactly blame me."

"I would be worried about you if you did," Nathaniel said.

Eriana smiled, "That's why we're walking in front of you. If he tries something, he'll have a rather large ax buried in his skull."

Nathaniel glanced back at the dwarf and the mage. "Do you think he could reach my skull?" he asked with a grin, getting a laugh from Eriana.

"I'd just cut off your knees first, Howe," Oghren muttered with a grin as Eriana started to laugh.

Yeah, crazy, the Wardens were all definitely crazy.


	10. Chapter 10

Oghren walked behind Eriana and Nathaniel all the way to Amaranthine, staring at the back of the young elf's head the entire way, almost glad he couldn't see her face. Not that it mattered now; he had seen her face the moment he said the assassin's name. He hadn't meant to hurt her, to remind her of Zevran so soon after his disappearance; it had just kind of slipped out. Honestly though, just how stupid could he be? "Careful Commander, this one might go all Zevran on you." It wasn't a new expression for either of them. After all, they had said that so much to each other during the Blight that it had become almost second nature. A group of bandits steps out into the road in front of them, "Watch out Warden, that one looks like he could go Zevran on you." A young man in a bar gives her one of those looks, "Hey check him out; he looks like he could go all Zevran on you." Even Zevran himself was in on it at times, "Watch out, mia cara, those vagabonds over there look as though they're about to go all me on you." When he saw Nathaniel standing there, looking as though he could easily be planning an ambush, it was only natural for the familiar phrase to pop out, and when it did, Oghren saw her demeanor completely change. She froze; her entire body stiffened; and that air of confidence that she was trying so hard to exude faltered for a moment. Of course she recovered quickly, but the damage was already done. He attempted to offer a hasty apology, but it was too late. For the past two days, Eriana had managed to keep herself busy enough to keep her thoughts away from her lost elven lover, but with one stupid slip of the tongue, he had managed to bring all those thoughts and feelings flooding back.

"Ah, and here is Amaranthine," Nathaniel said as they approached to towering walls of the city. "Pretty as a picture." Eriana chuckled a bit at that. "What? Is something wrong with the city?"

"No, it's just a little déjà vu. Alistair used those same words to describe Lothering after the Battle of Ostagar. I guess in a way it's appropriate that you use the same words, a new city, a start of a new adventure." She sighed and muttered something under her breath that neither Oghren nor Anders quite caught. "Let's get going."

They spent the first day touring the city, speaking with the guards and merchants as Eriana introduced herself. It seemed like everybody had something that they needed from their new Arlessa. The requests ranged from mundane things like looking for stolen supplies or rounding up vials of poison to the audacious.

"Seriously," Eriana spat as they walked into Crown and Lion Inn, "Do they really expect me to help with their smuggling operation? The idiot really thought that I would help him smuggle weapons and illegal goods into my city; did he know who he was talking to?" She threw her bag down and flopped down in a chair while one of the barmaids brought them a round of drinks. "I mean, I'm losing tax money on every good they smuggle into this city, so why exactly would I help them."

"You might have during the Blight," Oghren pointed out.

"Yeah," she snapped, "but during the Blight I was an outlaw working against a government that wanted me dead. I did what I had to. Now the Crown doesn't want me dead, and I have to make sure this Arling is a success." She practically growled and downed her entire tankard of ale in one gulp.

"Well," Nathaniel said, sitting down across from her, "criminals and thieves aren't exactly the most intelligent people out there, you know."

"Oh, no," Oghren thought. "Howe has no idea the pile of bronto droppings he's just stepped in." But to his surprise, Eriana didn't blow up at him.

"You're painting all criminals with a pretty broad brush, Howe," Eriana said, "especially for someone who was very recently imprisoned for breaking and entering."

"That's not the same; I was breaking into my family's former home."

"And planning on murdering its current inhabitant," Anders added. Nathaniel shrugged.

"Look," Eriana said, "I'm not saying your actions weren't justifiable. You had a perfectly good reason for it, but that doesn't change the fact that an outsider who didn't know the story would still look at you as a common criminal. Sometimes people who are criminals find themselves in that position because they are simply out of other options. You look up one day and you have one of two choices: steal or starve, so you steal and you survive."

Nathaniel eyed her curiously, "What gives you such keen insight on the criminal mind, Commander?"

She shrugged, "I used to be one. When I was fourteen, my mother died, and my father kind of shut down. He wouldn't work, wouldn't leave the house, wouldn't even get out of bed most days, so I was forced to find some way to feed both of us. I had no skills, but I was quick and moved through shadows well enough, so I picked pockets to survive."

"Wasn't there anyone else who could have helped you?" Anders said leaning across the table. "Don't you have any other family?"

"In Highever, but travel is expensive and difficult for elves. I did have an uncle, but he had two kids of his own and times were tough for them, too. I couldn't be a burden on them, so I did what I had to."

Nathaniel shook his head, "But that's different."

"Is it really? I still stole from people, and I doubt that the guards would have cared that we were starving if I had ever gotten caught. You never know what drives a person to that kind of desperation. Now, I'm not saying that every criminal has a heart of gold underneath; I'm just saying don't judge all outlaws by the same standard." She smiled weakly. "That being said, those guys who asked me to help with the smuggling; yeah, they were complete morons." The three men chuckled a bit at that as the barmaid brought over their dinner.

Oghren watched as his companions devoured their dinner; well, except for Eriana. She picked half-heartedly at the meal in front of her, the familiar sad look creeping back across her face. She pushed the plate away with a sigh of frustration and announced that she was turning in for the night. "We can investigate those smugglers tomorrow and then swing by the Chantry; I need to introduce myself to the Revered Mother while I'm in here." She glanced over at Anders, "And don't worry, I won't make you go inside if you don't want to."

"Commander," Nathaniel said, getting to his feet, "if it's alright with you, I think I'll stay with my sister tonight. I'm pretty sure these two would sleep better if I wasn't in the same room, and I'd like to spend some more time with her before we go back."

"That's fine, just meet us here in the morning," she said as she turned to head to her room. Oghren got up and followed her up the stairs after muttering something to Anders. She seemed unsurprised when he knocked on her door.

"Listen, Eriana, I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have mentioned Zevran this morning; I don't know what I was thinking. It just kind of slipped out."

"I know Oghren. I know you didn't mean to hurt me, but…"she sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "I teetering on the edge here, Oghren. Every morning I wake up to an empty bed and have to force myself to just get up and get moving. I try to limit my sadness to those moments, to hide those feelings the rest of the time. I keep myself busy all day, trying to fill the void in my life with work and duty, trying everything to suppress the hurt, but it's always there, lingering just beneath the surface. The smallest things will remind me of him, and I have to struggle to regain my composure. So when you said that this morning," she pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her arms and chin on them, "suddenly it was like we were back fighting the Blight." She cradled her head in her arms, "It was like I was happy again."

"You can be happy again, Kid, you know that right? And it's okay to hurt; I'd be worried about you if you didn't. But what you can't do is shut yourself up behind this wall that you're trying to build." She opened her mouth to protest. "Now don't you go denying it; I can see what you're trying to do. You're trying so hard to be strong, to do this all on your own, but you don't have to do it yourself. You know that right? It's okay to admit that you need help; it's not admitting that you're weak."

"Is that what you did, Oghren? Did you open up to your friends and ask them for help when Branka left?"

"No, I turned to the bottle, and as you well know, I've yet to really crawl out of it. But I know what I'm talking about. I tried to fix it myself, and it didn't work. If I had admitted that I needed help, who knows, I may not be the mess I am now."

"Oghren," Eriana said, reaching out to take his hand, "you're not a mess."

"Ah, yes I am, but I've gotten to the point that I realize it. I can't sit back and watch you make the same mistakes that I did. You're too young to lose yourself like this, and you have too many people who care about you to go through it alone. I just wanted to make sure you know that."

Eriana knelt down and pulled the dwarf into a hug. "I know I'm not alone. Thank you, Oghren; I'll try to be more open if that's what you think is best."

Oghren patted her on the arm, "I just don't want you to become me, Kiddo, not if I can help it. Now, I'm going to let you get some rest; I have this strange feeling that we're going to killing some smugglers tomorrow," he said, giving her a kiss on the forehead and going back downstairs to join Anders.

* * *

It turns out Oghren's prediction was accurate. The Wardens spent the next day chasing various gangs of smugglers around the city. It would have been rather difficult without Nathaniel's intimate knowledge of the city and keen eyes. As much as he hated to admit it, the young nobleman was extremely helpful, not that he trusted the man just yet, but he was proving somewhat useful. Though they killed several members of the smuggling ring, they had yet to discover their base of operation. The constable, a man named Aidan, said that he would keep an eye out for any more information on the smugglers and would pass it along the next time they were in the city.

Once they finished with the smuggling business, all they needed to do was swing by the Chantry, and then they could turn in for the night. As they approached the chantry, they were greeted by a familiar face. "Wynne," Eriana said, rushing forward to embrace the elderly mage.

"Hello, child, it is wonderful to see you again. I was hoping to see you while I was here." Wynne glanced around, a bit confused, and Oghren knew what was coming next. "So, where is Zevran? I expected to see him with you."

Eriana smiled sadly as she offered up the same brief excuse she had given both him and Alistair and quickly changed the subject, inquiring about Wynne's presence in Amaranthine. After a short discussion about the Circle of Magi, Wynne turned to conversation back to the elf. "Are you doing alright dear? You seem tired and a bit pale. Would you let me examine you to make sure all is well?"

"There's really no need, Wynne; I'm fine. I look tired because I am tired. I've not been sleeping well here lately."

"Oh? Is something causing that, I wonder?"

"Yeah, darkspawn nightmares."

Wynne cocked her head and looked down at the young woman. "Darkspawn nightmares? I don't seem to remember you having much of a problem with nightmares during the Blight."

Eriana shrugged, "Well, Zevran was a really light sleeper. He would always wake up when I started having one and would wake me up just enough to end the dream. We got to the point that neither of us would even remember waking up. Now that he's gone…I guess never got good a blocking them out, and since I joined during a Blight, I'll be having them the rest of my life. It'll just take me some time to adjust."

Wynne sighed, "I'd still like to check, just to be sure."

"I appreciate the concern, Wynne, but I'm fine, really. A bit stressed, but that's all. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to speak to the Revered Mother. Oghren, why don't you and Anders stay out here, then you can answer any of Wynne's questions about me while I'm in side," she said with a weak smile, motioning for Nathaniel to follow her.

Once the two rogues were inside, Wynne turned to Oghren. "So exactly what happened?"

Oghren quickly explained everything Eriana had told him and Alistair tha had happened in Highever, about being attacked and waking up to find Zevran gone. Wynne and Anders listened intently. "Now, this Zevran guy? Who is he?" Anders asked once Oghen was finished.

"Her fiancé."

"And he just left her, just like that without no warning? Maker's Breath when did this happen?"

"The night before she left Highever for the Vigil. Apparently he was gone when she woke up the next morning."

"So tell me truthfully, Oghren, how is she really doing?"

"She's barely holding herself together Wynne, but it's early still, and she's strong. This is going to take her some time to get over him."

"So is he gone for good?" Wynne asked

"Who knows? You know how they both are. He didn't even tell her what he was planning to do. I think that's what hurt her the most."

Wynne sighed, "I wish I could stay and help her; I feel awful just leaving like this. Do Alistair and Leliana know?"

"Leliana is off in the deeproads with the Legion of the Dead, so there was no way of telling her. Alistair showed up in Amaranthine the night she got there. But there's nothing any of us can really do anyway other than distracting her and being there if she decides she needs us."

Wynne shook her head, "Poor dear, I do hope that's all that's wrong, but I have a feeling it's not. There's something off about her that I just can't put my finger on. It may just be her grief and all this stress, but I'm not so sure about that." She turned and looked at Anders, "I remember you from the tower. You're a healer aren't you?" Anders nodded. "Keep a close eye on her for me; she is very dear to me, very dear to a good many people. I've known her for a long time. She will try to be strong, even when her world is crumbling around her."

Anders nodded, "I'll watch out for her."

"Good," she said as the chantry doors opened and the two rogues strolled back out. "I'm afraid she'll need your help, more than even she realizes."

* * *

Meanwhile back in Denerim….

A hooded figure slinked through the back streets of Denerim, headed toward the tavern in the dock district where the contact from the Crows said he would be waiting. The figure pulled the cloak tightly around its face, not to block out the cold, but to shield its face from any that may recognize a familiar face, not that there was much to worry about. Most residents of the palace distract avoided the docks. Finally finding the right place, the figure slipped inside and took a seat in the back corner where the door and remainder of the room were clearly visible. A waitress brought a tankard of ale for the waiting figure and went along with her business, neither saying a word. A few minutes passed before a sleek looking, dark-haired Antivan man strolled in and made his way back to the table.

"So," the hooded figure said, leaning across the table, "I hope that you have good news to report."

"Your information was very helpful in locating the elves, but unfortunately, Zevran and the Grey Warden survived our first assault."

"Well, you knew that that was a possibility; after all, both are quite skilled. But they're in Amaranthine now; don't tell me that you can't get to them there."

The Crow nodded, "Yes, access to them in Amaranthine would be easy, but I'm afraid it is not that simple."

"What do you mean?" the hooded figure hissed. "You just said that the fortress there was not impenetrable; besides, they'll be out and about doing Warden things, leaving them vulnerable. Scout the place out, pay off the servants; I don't care. I just want those elves dead."

"Well, there problem is there is no more them, only her. Our attack, it seems, spooked our Antivan friend. A few days after our attempt he escaped, our sources tell me, on a ship bound for Antiva City. The Warden continued on to Amaranthine alone."

The hooded figure cursed softly, slamming a fist on the table. "Well, you know where she is, and without the assassin to protect her, she should be easy prey. Just attack her there."

The Antivan man smiled, "Ah, but you see, our beef, as you say, is not with her. With Zevran gone, we have no further reason to kill her; she was merely collateral damage anyway. Now that is seems Zevran is headed to Antiva, our business with the lovely Warden is over. My countrymen will deal with our rogue back home."

"So that's it?"

"I am afraid so, as there are no masters currently seeking an active contract on the Warden Commander, there is nothing more we can do to her without upsetting some very high-ranking Crows. So, I thank you for your assistance in this matter and your information, but…"

"You say there are no active contracts on Eriana Tabris herself, correct?" The Crow nodded. "What if I was to take one out on her?"

The Crow shook his head. "I'm afraid that would be impossible, my friend. You see, there is no master among the Crows that would accept such a contract. Not only do we have a standing agreement with the Warden herself, but it is quite bad business when you repeatedly fail to kill the same mark, and believe me, this one is royally tough to kill. Now that she is surrounded by her fellow Wardens, it would take an army of Crows to take her down, and here in Ferelden, we simply are not in a position to do that."

"But I helped you out; I gave you the information that you needed to get to them. I told you where and when you would find them alone."

"Yes, and had we succeeded, it would have been to our mutual benefit, no?"

"But you didn't succeed. You failed, and I demand some form of retribution."

The Crow regarded him in silence for a moment. "True," he finally said, "but I cannot give you what you desire. I can, however, give you some advice. Quid pro quo, information for information. You cannot the hire the Crows for a job such as this, this much is true, but you could hire a Crow."

"Go on."

"It is not unheard of for certain members of the order to take on, shall we say, private contracts. It is a risky move; to say the least, the order frowns on it as it often damages our reputation and more often than not leads to the death of said Crow. However, if you can find one desperate and reckless enough to take on your bid and risk the wrath of his master, then you may have found yourself an assassin."

"Are you such a man?"

The Antivan laughed, "Me? No, my friend. I have no desire to anger my superior in such a way, and as my master was the one who made the bargain with the Warden, I would most certainly be severely punished should I succeed. That, and the fact that I rather enjoy living. Death by Grey Warden is not exactly what I would call an appealing prospect." The assassin took a long drink. "Why do you think I merely passed along your information about the Warden's location rather than going after them myself? I had no desire to commit suicide a la Warden. It is a fool's errand."

"Do you know any such fools?"

The Antivan grinned, "Now, there I may be of some assistance to you. There are always foolish young Crows, desperate to prove themselves, who may jump at such a risk. A word of caution, however, the young and eager are also often undependable. They may turn on you to save their lives, and considering the powerful friends you both share…"

"If this got out, I could find myself in a great deal of trouble."

"Exactly, so my suggestion to you is if you intend to pursue this, it would be wise to distance yourself as much as possible."

"Are you suggesting that I hire this person by proxy? If it gets traced to one of my servants, it will still come back to me."

"Something more discreet then. Surely you are not the only person with a score to settle with the Lady Tabris; after all, one does not achieve such great heights without stepping on many along the way. Perhaps a discreet word of advice to one of her vassals who stands to lose a great deal."

"Or already has. Very subtle my friend."

"I am an assassin," the Antivan said with a casual shrug. "I wouldn't be a good one if I wasn't subtle. Poisons and daggers are not the only ways of killing one's target, after all. I assume you have someone in mind then?" The figure nodded. "Good, then I will have a few names along with instructions for contacting them to you within the week."

His companion nodded to the Crow and quickly headed for the door, drawing the cloak over its face before leaving. "Good hunting, my friend,"" he shouted after him. "Fool," he thought after the noble left. "Why would one with so much to lose risk it all on such a dangerous enterprise. Keep playing with fire, my friend, and you will likely get burned."

_

* * *

_

_Hey all, thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Hopefully, I'll be able to update a bit more frequently over the Christmas break, but we all know how busy it can get. To those of you who have added alerts and faves: Akuma, Nevarstar, Elizabeth, Kaytaylol, YukinaAmon, thank you and I hope you enjoy. To my reviewers, Jen4306, Enpowera, and Eva Galanda, thank you so much, sorry I didn't get a chance to respond yet (the end of the semester is a killer)._


	11. Chapter 11

Eriana was impressed when she returned to Vigil's Keep after spending a few days in Amaranthine. From the look of things, Varel had been busy cleaning up the remnants of damage left behind from the darkspawn attack, and the entire yard was bustling with activity. Voldrick and a company of dwarfs were working hard making repairs to the walls of the Keep while the sounds clashing swords echoed up from the practice fields. All around, humans, elves, and dwarfs, moved around, conducting business and finishing repairs. She wasn't surprise to see Varel standing by the entrance to the fortress, waiting for her as soon as they passed into the courtyard.

"Commander," he said with a bow. "My Lady, it is good to see you back. I trust your trip to Amaranthine was productive."

"Very much so, thank you, Varel. It looks as though things are going well here as well."

Varel smiled and nodded, "Well, we were fortunate in that the attack was rather quick, so most of the damage was merely superficial, a few aesthetic changes and we are as good as new." She noticed that Varel stiffened as the rest of the group filed in behind her. He shot her a cautious look then leaned in and lowerd his voice. "Is that Nathaniel Howe with you?" Eriana nodded. "But, I thought you sent him away."

Eriana smiled, "I did, but he stopped me on the way into the city and asked to join the Grey Wardens. We'll be putting him through the Joining later this afternoon."

Varel raised an eyebrow as he looked at the dark-haired man standing behind her. "Are you sure that this is such a good idea? I mean, after all that his family has done, some may see this as condoning his father's actions."

"I understand, but Varel, right now there are three Grey Wardens in all of Northern Ferelden. With all that is going on, I don't exactly have time to go out recruiting. He came to me and asked me for this opportunity, a chance to redeem his family's honor and to restore his name." Varel sighed and shook his head. "I know what you're thinking, Varel, but you're wrong. Nathaniel wasn't even here during the Blight. He knew nothing of his father's actions and had no hand in it; so why should he bear the punishment for it? Besides, he quite skilled."

"Do you trust him?"

Eriana shrugged, "I think so; he was very helpful in Amaranthine, and he seems sincere in his desire to help. I'm not sure I'd be willing to turn my back on him just yet, but I'll keep him around until he gives me a reason to doubt him."

"Well, he is skilled, a natural with the bow. I remember that much from when he was a child. I just hope this is a wise move, Commander; as much as I hate to say it, I'm afraid you're in no position to make mistakes, not so early in your rule." Eriana laughed. "What?"

"Nothing, hearing you call it my rule just sounds so odd," she shook her head. "If you had told me two years ago that I'd be running an arling, I would have thought you were absolutely insane. Fate is a tricky whore," she muttered to herself, trying to ignore the sudden pang in her chest.

"Well, I'm sure you know what you're doing, My Lady; forgive my impertinence. It's my job to point out the unpleasant things sometimes."

"And I appreciate it, Varel. I do understand your concerns, but I can't sacrifice what is best for the Wardens just for the sake of appearances." Eriana glanced around, "Speaking of appearances, this place really does look fantastic; I almost can't believe I'm in the same keep." Varel smiled at the complement. "Now, is there anything I need to do before our vassals arrive tomorrow?"

"No, not right now, I'll brief you on the particulars of the ceremony later tonight, after you've had a chance to rest," he said, taking her bags and handing them to a nearby servant. "Oh, and Master Wade said he wanted to see you as soon as you returned."

Eriana nodded and asked Anders to join her, instructing Oghren and Nathaniel to meet in a few hours for the Joining. She turned to the blond mage, "I bet he has your armor ready; I can't wait to see it," she said, leading the mage to the blacksmith's stall.

Wade's face lit up when he saw the commander approach. "Ah, if it isn't my favorite soldier in all of Thedas," he said, strolling forward and giving her a kiss on each cheek. "I see you seneschal found you, yes, yes. Now, I have something very special for you." He took her by the arm and led her into the back of their stall.

"Do you have Anders' armor ready?"

Wade looked a bit insulted, "The mage's armor; oh, yes, yes, of course, but that's not what I wanted you to see. I have your new armor ready and insisted that I be the one to give it to you. We didn't have it unpacked before you left."

Eriana was confused, "But I already got my new armor; Alistair had it sent to me weeks ago."

"Yes, the practical armor, a good suit, but not my masterpiece." He took her arm and led her to a covered armor stand in the corner of their storage room. "Here is my masterpiece, your ceremonial armor, Commander." Eriana gasped when he removed the sheet, revealing a shimmering elf-sized set of what looked like heavy metal armor. The Grey Warden griffon was emblazoned on the front, shimmering with a lyrium inlay. "It's beautiful, is it not, and light too. It looks as though it should weigh a ton, but it is as light as your normal armor. And you should have the same range of motion, provided you find yourself once again dueling at another landsmeet. Well, what do you think?"

"It's amazing," Eriana sputtered, then she grinned. "I'm going to look so tough in this."

Anders glanced over her shoulder. "You know; I'm kind of intimidated just picturing you in that. What kind of metal is it?"

"Ah, that's the beauty of it. It's dragon bone; that's what makes it so light and durable. The more decorative details are done in white steel and silverite, then I polished it so that it gleamed. I was quite pleased with the outcome, if I do say so myself; so pleased, in fact, that I simply refused to send it ahead with the other suit of armor. I wanted to see your reaction in person. So, do you like it Commander?"

Eriana threw her arms around the blacksmith and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, "Wade, I love it."

That was how Eriana found herself standing before her bureau the next day, encased in the sturdy ceremonial armor, trying hard to choke down the nerves that were threatening to consume her. Wade was true to his word; the new dragon bone armor was just as light and moveable as her dragon wing and drake scale armor was, but somehow it felt completely foreign to her. It just didn't feel right somehow to be clad in such a formal set of armor. Her handmaiden (Varel had insisted on retaining a handmaiden for Eriana, despite her protests – he claimed all noble women needed a personal handmaiden) Vanessa insisted on doing her hair and makeup for the fealty ceremony, so everything about her felt strange and foreign.

Eriana sighed and looked at herself in the mirror, her nervous blue eyes even more piercing than usual thanks to the blue eye makeup Vanessa had insisted on using. She ran her hand over the elaborate braids that were coiled at the base of her neck, trying to subdue wave upon wave of nausea that was bombarding her. Her nerves were beginning to get the better of her.

She sighed and closed her eyes. It was in moments like this when she really missed Zevran. No, that was a lie; she missed Zevran in every moment. It was a constant void in her life, a feeling she could subdue, but never completely numb. No, it was moments like this that she needed him, moments when she was feeling insecure and unsure of herself. He always seemed to know the right things to say to reassure her, to calm her fears. He was there for her before the landsmeet, before the battle of Denerim, before she left to face the archdemon, all the time giving her the confidence she needed to be successful. And now she was about to throw herself to the wolves (her vassals) and just like before, she desperately needed him. She tried to imagine his voice, imagining what he might say; as if imagining his words would somehow summon him to her. She longed to feel his breath on her neck as he whispered words of comfort in her ear, to feel the warmth of his presence behind her.

"Commander, are you okay." Her eyes shot open to find a nervous looking Nathaniel standing in her doorway. "I knocked, but you didn't answer. Varel sent me up here to … to see if you needed anything."

Eriana sighed, "He sent you here to fetch me, didn't he?"

Nathaniel shrugged. "Yeah," he said coming in the room and standing behind her. "A good thing, too because it looks like you were either about to pass out or make a break for it."

Eriana smiled sadly. "I'm just nervous, that's all. I really hate all this attention, especially when I'm around a big group of humans, no offense." She sighed, "I guess I'm just afraid they'll take one look at me and laugh me out of Amaranthine; I mean, why in Thedas would they ever take me seriously as a noble?"

"They won't." Nathaniel said flatly. Eriana turned and looked at him, unable to hide the surprised look on her face. "So don't try to be a noble; just be yourself. You're the Warden Commander of Ferelden, not some stuffy noblewoman. You have done things no one else in history has ever done. Why would you want to pretend to be something else?"

Nathaniel gently took her shoulders and turned her around so that she was facing him. "Listen, there are a lot of members of the nobility who would never take you seriously if you showed up and tried to present yourself as one of them because, like it or not, many of them won't be able to see past your race. But there's no denying who you are and what you've done; make them respect you for that and you'll have their allegiance."

Eriana sighed and turned back to the mirror. "You're right." She cocked her head and looked down at herself. "I just feel… strange, like I'm a different person. I don't know; do I look ridiculous in this getup?"

Nathaniel laughed, "Ridiculous? Far from it. That armor practically screams power and authority, which is exactly what you're trying to portray, but there is something slightly off about your look. May I?" He stepped up and carefully undid the elaborate braids at the base of her neck and swept her hair up into a high ponytail, letting the wavy hair cascade down the back of her neck. She shivered as his callused hands lightly brushed against her delicate and sensitive ears. "Sorry about that," he muttered as he finished securing her hair. "There, that's better; you look more like a soldier now." He smiled down at her, "Listen to me, you'll do fine. You've faced down dragons, right? So what's a room full of self-important nobles, huh?"

Eriana laughed, feeling a huge weight seem to lift off her shoulders. "Nathaniel, do you think you could do something for me?"

"Anything, Commander."

"Well, two things actually. First, you've got to stop calling me Commander when we're not in public. It's Eriana when it's just us Wardens."

"I think I can do that."

"Good, then secondly, I would like for you to stay out of sight, you know, in the shadows during the first half of the ceremony today. Keep your eyes and ears open for anything that may be out of the ordinary, anything that may be a sign of trouble."

"Are you expecting trouble?"

"Nathaniel, I'm always expecting trouble. I have an uncanny ability to find it wherever I go." She sighed, "Besides, I feel better if there's someone hidden in the shadows, watching out for things I can't see when I'm dealing with all this political stuff. You could come in about half way through with some excuse for being late."

"I'm sure I can think of something; don't' worry, I'll keep an eye on things for you," Nathaniel said. "And speaking of the ceremony, we had better get you down there before Varel sends Oghren or Anders up after you."

"You're right," she said grabbing her sword and placing it in the scabbard that rested on her hip. She took Nathaniel's outstretched arm and allowed him to lead her down into the main hall. "And, Nathaniel, thank you. You made me feel a lot better."

Nathaniel smiled and patted her hand, "Any time, Eriana."

* * *

The actual fealty part of the evening's festivities passed rather quickly for Eriana. She felt better knowing that Nathaniel was there, just out of sight, keeping a close eye on things. Somehow, the unease of facing her vassals was dampened by his unseen presence, and despite the visible presence of her guard, it was Nathaniel lurking in the shadows that made her feel truly safe. She listened as each of the noblemen and women stepped forward and gave the same oath of loyalty that she had given to Fergus Cousland only a few weeks before. They all seemed sincere enough in their declarations, but she didn't put much stock in their oaths. After all, most of them had been raised as nobles and, as such, were taught to lie the moment they were weaned from their nurses' teats.

After each Lord swore their oaths of allegiance to her, Eriana began to mingle through the crowd, taking time to speak to each of them individually. She didn't get an 'I want to kill you and eat your liver' vibe from any of them, but it was clear several of them were unsure of her ability to see to their needs.

She had made her way through most of the crowd and was speaking with Lord Eddelbreck when Nathaniel strolled into the hall wearing riding leathers, whipping dust from his hands. He gave Anders and Oghren a slight wave before making his way over to Eriana.

"Commander," he said, ignoring the surprised stares of the nobility, "I apologize for my tardiness. I had hoped to make it back from our scouting run before the ceremony began, but my party came across a fresh trail that I felt it was important to follow. Unfortunately, it disappeared before we could find anything of use."

"That's understandable, Warden Nathaniel, Warden business must come first in situations like this," Eriana said and gestured back to Eddelbreck. "We were just discussing what measures we should take around the arling to combat the increased darkspawn numbers."

"Oh, come now, Eddelbreck, surely you aren't complaining about your precious farm lands yet again," another man who was standing close by added, abruptly joining the conversation. "That's all you seem to talk about, protect the farmlands, protect the farmlands, and what should the rest of us do in the mean time? Leave the city to fend for itself?"

"Look, Thomas, the city has walls to protect it, and what will you do once the silos of grain and wheat are empty and the farms have been decimated?"

"The walls of our city protect the lives of our people. Crops can be resown, but you can't replace people so easily, am I right Commander?"

All around them, conversations hushed and heads turned toward Eriana. "Both of you have very valid points. Thomas, was it? Thomas you are absolutely right to say that the city needs defending; it is the very life and heart of our arling. But Eddelbreck is right as well, the city is well fortified; I know, I saw it just a few days ago. The numbers in your guard were a bit low, but you can fix that quite easily. You have a huge untapped resource in your city that could help you make great strides on the way to greater security."

"And what resource is that, My Lady?"

"Your Alienage." Eriana heard the scoffs and laughs from the nobles around her.

"The Alienage, Commander, are you suggesting that I put the defense of the city in the hands of the elves?"

"Not entirely, but if used properly, the elves in your city would be a great asset if you would let them. It is their home, too after all. They would defend it with as much passion as your human guards, believe me. Train them as archers and position them along the battlements of the city; let them serve as lookouts. Elves have better eyesight than most humans and a natural dexterity that makes them ideal archers. For every elf that you train, you could send another guard to the gates or to patrol the city; it would increase security and give you a new pool of talent from which to recruit. Then we wouldn't have to pull guards from the farm lands and the trade routes to ensure order here; we maintain the safety of the city while ensuring commerce and agriculture remain productive. Everyone wins."

The nobles around them murmured their approval, but Thomas seemed unconvinced. "But what makes you think elves would be capable of fighting when push came to shove? And I mean no offense here, but you are a Grey Warden. We can't judge what all elves can do based on your abilities."

Eriana smiled, "True, but I was just an elf living in the alienage when I was recruited to join the Wardens. You would be surprised what we elves can do with a little training. We're not quite as helpless as you may think. I'll tell you what, after this is over, why don't you come to the training yard, and I can prove my point."

Thomas agreed, so after the reception was over, Eddelbreck, Thomas, and a hand full of other interested nobles met Eriana and the Wardens at the practice fields. Eriana started with a hand to hand combat demonstration with her and Nathaniel. In the back of her mind, she wished Zevran had been there to show them what an elf who wasn't a Warden was capable of, but in his absence, Nathaniel had to do. After the two Wardens faced off a few times, she asked if one of Thomas's guards wanted to try. A big, burly man with a sword and shield stepped forward, eagerly.

Nathaniel stepped up behind her, "Careful, Commander. This one looks like he means to hurt you; even with sparring weapons, I have a feeling he could do some damage."

"Thanks, Nathaniel, I know his type, big, strong, and anxious. This one should be a piece of cake."

Eriana strolled into the center of the ring and faced the guard, rocking up on the balls of her feet and spinning the daggers in her hand, waiting for the attack. The burly man raised his sword, and ran toward her, bellowing a vicious war cry as he came barreling toward her. Eriana grinned and at the last moment, moved gracefully to the side as the huge man stumbled past her. She spun around, readying her weapons, waiting for him to attack again. This time, she met his sword, parrying off his attack before spinning behind him. As she expected, he followed her with his shield, hoping to hit her and throw her off balance. All it took was a brief tug on his shield and down he went; the entire duel lasted less than a minute.

"As you can see, elves are perfectly capable of learning the skills to defend themselves and our city. What we are missing in reach and strength, we make up for in speed and agility. Trust me, this will strengthen you guard force and give the city added security." She looked over at Eddelbreck. "With your permission, Ser, I would like to borrow your servant for one more demonstration," Eriana said, motioning toward the young elven man with the nobleman to come forward. Taking the elf to the side, Eriana and Nathaniel quickly instructed him on the basics of archery. The elf took to it quickly, and after only a few minutes of instruction, he was consistently hitting the target, much to his and his employer's surprise.

"Now, not every elf will pick it up this quickly," Eriana said, turning back to the shocked looking nobles, "but if you simply give those who are interested an opportunity to try, you may be surprised to find some very promising fighters."

Ser Thomas smiled, "You know, I'm sorry to say I've never considered it, but you do have a point. If I do this, we wouldn't have to pull troops from the outlying areas of the arling and still improve security in the city. I like it, thank you, Commander. I think this arling is in good hands now, thanks to you."

Before everyone left, Eriana made her way over to the guard who had agreed to fight her. "I wanted to thank you for your cooperation today, Ser; not everyone would be willing to participate. I guess you haven't had the opportunity to fight against many rogues, right?"

The guard smiled, "That's true, but I was happy for the opportunity. I mean how many people can say they were bested by the Hero of Ferelden? I was there, you know, when you defeated Loghain; I knew full well what you were capable of." He laughed, "I just didn't expect you to beat me quite so quickly."

"Well, I fight dirty; just remember that next time you go up against a rogue."

He smiled, "Rematch next time we're up?"

Eriana gave him a pat on the shoulder, "You got it."

* * *

"That was a really smart move," Nathaniel said to Eriana as the two of them stood on the fortress walls, watching the remaining nobles leave. "You managed to please everyone involved in that dispute and still managed to get what you wanted." He grinned down at her, "And you were nervous about dealing with those wolves; I think you're better at this than you realize."

"Well, I worked at the Gnawed Noble Tavern through my teen years, so I guess I learned a thing or two about politics there." She turned and the two began walking along the battlements. "I wanted to thank you, Nathaniel, for all that you did for me today. You filled a big need for me today, and for that I am grateful. I guess I had just gotten so used to having someone fill that role; it's been a bit of an adjustment not having him there."

"Your assassin?" Eriana nodded. "For what it's worth, you were right to have someone watching from the shadows. I didn't want to say anything till they were all gone, but there is already some talk of discontent among the nobles. I wasn't able to pinpoint who the source of the rabblerousing was, but there is definitely someone among your vassals who is trying to garner support against you."

Eriana glanced up, "Did you overhear anything specific?"

"No, it didn't sound like they had anything specific planned out; I think that whoever's behind this was just trying to determine how many people were willing to make a move against you, well, against us."

"So, what kind of response did they get?"

"That's hard to say. There are definitely several people who aren't happy about this, but most of the banns seemed willing to see what you are capable of. They seem to respect what you did during the war and are willing to give you the benefit of the doubt."

Eriana sighed, "Well, that's good to know; only some of my vassals seem to want me dead."

Nathaniel chuckled, "Welcome to the life of a noble, Eriana. You've not really arrived until someone wants you dead."

"Then I must have arrived a long time ago; I've been dodging assassination attempts for over a year now, and I have to say, it's getting a bit old."

Nathaniel glanced down at her, "Um, weren't you about to marry an assassin?"

"Yeah, but he stopped trying to assassinate me a long time ago," Eriana said with a sad laugh.

"Hey, if you're worried about this, don't. You're surrounded by people who will look out for you. Oghren would take the legs off anyone who tried to hurt you, you know, and Anders, well, I'm pretty sure he'd fry just about anyone who came after you."

"What about you?"

"Me?" Nathaniel said slyly, "I'd take them out before they even knew I was there."

"I feel safer already," Eriana said with a laugh. She leaned against the battlements in front of her and looked out into the forest. "You know, I have to say, you are a bit of an anomaly to me, Nathaniel. It's rare to find a nobleman with your particular set of skills."

"What do you mean?"

"It's only that most noblemen I've met have the exact same style of fighting. It's almost as if noble boys are handed a sword and shield the moment they're weaned and taught to smash things. It's like every father wants his son to subscribe to the 'I'm man, I bash things with a sword and slam things with my shield' school of fighting. You're the first one I've met who has any subtlety or stealth."

Nathaniel glanced down at her, "You did meet my father didn't you? Could you ever imagine my father teaching me to fight like that?"

"True, you got met there," she said with a sigh. "So what do you think their strategy will be; I mean how do you think my enemies will come at me?"

"I'm not sure; if they're anything like my father, it will be a direct attack, something that we will see coming. You don't need to worry about a thing. Well, don't worry about the things we can handle; you have an arling to run and darkspawn to eradicate, that's what you get to worry about."

"Thanks, Nate, I feel better already."

_

* * *

_

I hope everyone is having a good Christmas week! Thank you to those of you who took time to review this week Eva Galana, Kainen-no-Kitsune, Jen 4306, and CynderJenn. Also thank you to everyone who added alerts and faves: Hirdas, Neverstar, and Hetekos.

_Thank you all for reading! Let me know what you think._


	12. Chapter 12

Nathaniel knelt down beside the open pit, his handkerchief covering his nose and mouth as he carefully studied the ground, looking for any clue as to who or what may be responsible for the gruesome scene before him. He tried very hard to focus on the task at hand, but his eyes were continuously drawn to the pit filled with bodies strewn carelessly on top of one another and left to rot in the open air. Never in all his travels and experiences in warfare had he ever encountered a scene such as disgusting as this. The bodies of traders, travelers, elves, and bandits lay mingled together in a mass grave, hidden away in the back corner of the woods. Shaking his head, Nathaniel stood up and looked around for his companions. Anders was standing a good distance away, looking rather pale and trying very hard not to stare at the scene in front of them. Nathaniel felt for them man; for all that he had been through in his numerous escape attempts, nothing could have ever prepared him for the harsh realities of life as a Grey Warden. But Nathaniel had to admit, he was impressed with the man's fortitude; he seemed to be handling all this with a good deal of courage even though it was clear that scenes like this were obviously hard for him to handle. Perhaps there was hope for him yet.

Eriana and Oghren, on the other hand, seemed to have no issue with the grisly scene as they were standing right beside it, engaged in a very heated discussion.

"But Ana, darkspawn just don't do this. They eat their victims or leave them to rot; the most I've ever seen them do is string them up. Dragging bodies all the way out here to dispose of them in a secluded place just doesn't fit; I've never seen them do anything like this before. I'm tellin ya, it's not darkspawn."

Eriana threw her hands up, "Then what else is it? All the evidence I've seen here so far points to darkspawn; I haven't even seen a trace of anything else around here. Besides, we've never seen a talking darkspawn before now, and we've never seen darkspawn who took prisoners either. I'm telling you, things have changed; we can't base our assumptions on what we know from the past."

"And I'm tellin ya, it's something else; something we're missing. This goes against the very nature of darkspawn, talkin or not."

Eriana sighed, "Nathaniel what do you think?" she asked him as he walked up to them. "Do you see any evidence that it might be something else?"

Nathaniel shook his head. "There are darkspawn tracks all over this area, and I'm not finding any evidence of anything else. Now, I don't profess to be an expert at darkspawn behavior, that's your area of expertise, but everything I see points to them."

"The darkspawn could just be attracted by the smell of decay," Oghren argued. "Whoever put the bodies here may have been better at covering their tracks."

"Excuse me," Anders shouted from a distance. "Not to sound like a wimp or anything, but do you think we could continue this discussion away from the disgusting smelly pit of rotting flesh. The smell of decay is so hard to get out of robes and hair."

Eriana chuckled slightly as the three of them made their way up to the blonde mage. "Okay, so if it isn't darkspawn, what are the other possibilities?"

"Bandits?" Oghren suggested. "They may be moving the bodies out of the way so that they don't scare off the next potential victims."

Nathaniel shook his head, "Why go through the trouble of dragging them all the way down here? If they wanted to hide the bodies, wouldn't they just drag them off in the woods, just out of sight and smell of the main roadways? Dragging them all the way down here seems like way too much work."

"And bandits are anything but hardworking," Eriana added. "You're right, there's no way bandits would go through this kind of trouble, especially considering that they usually just leave the bodies and over-turned carts in the middle of the road after they've taken everything of value. Something that requires this much work would leave them susceptible to being caught too; I don't think they'd risk staying in one place for this long."

"What about political motivation?" Nathaniel suggested. "Your enemies in the arling could be attacking traders hoping to bankrupt you by scaring other traders away."

"That's a thought," Eriana said, "but why would they hide the bodies? Wouldn't they just leave them as a warning, hoping to scare away others?"

"True," Nathaniel said with a sigh. "It would be better for them to leave the bodies out in the open."

"Could it be the Dalish?" Oghren offered. "After all, we did see that crazy one who threatened to kill us then sent those trees after us; she said that she was attacking the humans for taking her sister. Maybe there's more who were attacking the caravans who were passing through the area."

"That's just one crazy elf, though. And it still doesn't explain the mass grave; besides the Dalish aren't exactly warriors, it's why they live the way they do. And why would they attack traders anyway? The Dalish rely on trade with humans to survive; they wouldn't jeopardize that with something as horrid as this," Eriana said throwing her arms up. "None of this makes any sense," she growled in frustration.

The four of them continued to walk quietly through the woods all of them deep in thought.

"Templars!" Anders finally said, breaking the uneasy silence. "That, my friends, was the work of a group of templars. Those were bodies of dead apostates all coming to Amaranthine looking for help, and the templars killed them and disposed of them." The other three Wardens turned and stared at him. "What? It's just a thought. All the logical answers were already given," he said with a grin.

Nathaniel rolled his eyes at the mage but chose not to say anything since Eriana was giggling beside him. "Why didn't I think of that? Of course it's the templars. We've stumbled upon a huge Chantry secret here; little did we know that Amaranthine was a hot spot for apostate activities and the templars are on the verge of putting a stop to it." She sighed and looked up at the trees. "I just can't help but think we're missing some important detail here. I know there's a logical explanation for all this."

"Don't worry," Ander's assured her, "We are four reasonably smart people here; we'll figure this out."

The party continued to make their way through the woods, encountering very few darkspawn on the way. Nathaniel could tell that Eriana was beginning to grow more and more frustrated as it seemed they were no nearer finding any answers, only more questions. They finally made their way up to the cliff where they had first spotted the angry Dalish mage, only to find an abandoned camp littered with discarded weapons and armor.

Oghren shook his head, "It looks like there's been an attack here. See, look at all this blood, but there are no bodies."

"And I'm no warrior," Anders added, "but I'm pretty sure most fighters don't just leave their weapons lying about like this. It's almost like they've been planted here."

"Something stinks here, Ana, and for once it isn't me," Oghren said.

Nathaniel knelt down and examined the ground around the weapons. "There's been too much traffic around here to determine who did this, but someone was definitely trying to frame the merchants for the attacks on the Dalish."

"But why," Eriana asked in frustration. "What would anyone gain from this?" She turned to Nathaniel, "Do you think this and the pit are connected?"

"If I had to wager a guess, I'd say yes. Whoever did this attacked the elves, killed the merchants, dumped the bodies, then planted these weapons to turn the elves against any future merchants," Nathaniel said as they moved away from the abandoned camp. "I just wish I knew who."

It didn't take them long to find out who was behind it all. After leaving the Dalish camp, the Wardens found a dying mercenary who was obviously suffering from a severe case of Blight disease. In his dying breaths, he explained that he and his party were ambushed by darkspawn who then planted their weapons for the Dalish to find, confirming what they already suspected. The Wardens listened with growing horror as the man finished his story. As he was talking, Nathaniel noticed Eriana's hands travel to her weapons as her cautious eyes began to scan the tree line. Nathaniel followed her lead, knocking an arrow and carefully watching the edge of the wood as a group of darkspawn emerged and attacked.

Once all the creatures were dead, Oghren turned to Eriana. "I suppose you were right kiddo. It seems the darkspawn were behind this whole thing. I guess that answers our questions."

"No it doesn't, not really," Eriana said as she sat down, holding her head in her hands. "Do you realize what this means?" she said with a groan. "The darkspawn are sentient, at least some of them are. They're making plans, pinning elves and humans against each other. But why? What could they possibly gain through all this? If they're intelligent enough to formulate and carry out a scheme as manipulative as this, they would have to have some kind of motivation behind it, something that they're hoping to gain through it all. But what? What are we missing?"

"I don't know," Anders said. "But we have got to get to that elf and explain things to her, make her see the error of her ways. She's killed so many innocent people; maybe we can stop her before any others have to die."

Eriana groaned and rolled her eyes before getting up. "Great, there's nothing I enjoy more than spending time with the Dalish; this should be loads of fun," she muttered under her breath. Nathaniel was surprised by her reluctance. Shouldn't she get along well with the Dalish; after all, she was an elf herself, so shouldn't that make things easier? He knew the Dalish were wary of humans, but Eriana was an elf so she didn't have to worry about that.

As it turns out, Eriana was right; dealing with the Dalish woman was no fun at all. First she attacked, summoning more trees to attack them, and then she refused to listen to reason, insisting that Eriana was lying to protect the humans. After a long conversation, the elven mage finally relented, agreeing to see the logic in Eriana's arguments.

"So are you saying the darkspawn took my sister," the Dalish woman, Velanna she called herself, asked, "but why? What could they possibly want with her?"

Nathaniel saw Eriana tense up for a moment before she answered. "There's no telling. We're dealing with a race a darkspawn I've never encountered before, but when we do find out, I will let you know." She looked like she wanted to say more, but stopped herself. There was something that she wasn't telling them. "I'd say our best bet would be those mines we passed back there," she said, turning back to the Wardens. "I say we start there."

"Well, I'm going with you," Velanna said, stepping forward. "It's my sister down there, and I'm not going to leave her fate to you strangers."

Eriana rolled her eyes, "Fine, you can come, but while you are with us, you will do what I tell you, no matter what."

Velanna's eyes narrowed, "I'm not taking orders from some flat-eared shem lover."

Eriana's jaw clenched as she stared back at the defiant elf. Nathaniel could tell she was fighting back the urge to just kill the woman and be done with it, but instead of slicing her throat, Eriana calmly stepped forward, pulling a small vial out of her pack. "Do you know what this is?" she asked, holding the vial up for Velanna to see. The elf shook her head. "This is a Mage Bane poison." Behind him, Nathaniel heard Anders hiss quietly. "Now, if I threw this at your feet, merely inhaling it would drain most of your mana, leaving you mostly defenseless. If I put it on my dagger and cut you with it, it would completely block all your magic until the poison leaves your system, and that could take days. I don't really know how long it incapacitates mages, I've never let them live quite long enough to find out," she said with a casual shrug. "Now, you either agree to follow my directions or I make sure you can't follow us and cause more trouble for me. Trust me, you don't want to be running around down there on your own, and we know darkspawn well enough to keep you safe while we look for your sister, but only if I'm not worrying about keeping you out of danger. Got it?

Velanna nodded. "Good," Eriana said. "I'm glad we see eye to eye. And if you ever call me flat-eared again, you won't be getting the courtesy of a warning before I take out your mana," Eriana spat at the other elf as she brushed past her. Nathaniel had never seen this side of Eriana before, so he hurried up to her side to see if she was alright.

"Yeah," she said in a bit of a huff. "I just get so tired of the superiority complex of my Dalish _brethren,_" she said, spitting out the word with disgust. "I've yet to meet one who doesn't initially look down on me because I didn't have the privilege of growing up pissing in the woods. Like I had a choice of being born in an Alienage, bloody hypocrites. They chide us for living with humans, yet reject us in the next breath. Even if a city born elf wanted to run away and join a Dalish clan, they wouldn't allow it for fear it would pollute their precious pure blood."

"I had no idea," Nathaniel said. "Are all the Dalish like that?"

"Well, I've not encountered that many, they tend to be a bit reclusive. The clan that allied with me during the Blight warmed up to me a bit after a while; in fact, a few actually volunteered to join the Wardens. But for the most part, yeah, they all have a tendency to look down on those us who allow ourselves to be, as they see it, used by humans." She nodded back to Velanna who was following silently behind them. "She probably thinks I'm screwing all of you, since they always assume female city elves are all whores."

Nathaniel heard the elf behind them give a huff of frustration, but didn't say anything in response. "You don't want to set her strait?"

"Nah, she'll figure it out eventually. Hopefully we'll find her sister, and she can go on her merry way," Eriana said as they Oghren pried the door to the mines open and they began to make their way down into the mines. Nathaniel carefully nocked an arrow as searched the shadows as they quietly descended into the darkness. They made their way down a set or rickety stairs that precariously wound down to the cave floor. Eriana motioned for them to spread out and explore the small room. "Anders, stay close to Velanna; weapons out, Wardens."

"Do you sense something, Ana?" Oghren whispered.

"Yeah, there are definitely darkspawn down here, and something…" she stopped dead, her eyes wide. "Maker's Breath," Eriana gasped, turning toward Nathaniel. "It's a trap; all this, the pit, the weapons, the Dalish camp, it's all a trap."

"For who?"

"Us." She said an air of panic creeping into her voice, her eyes scanning the darkness. "The darkspawn did all this because they knew we would eventually have to come and investigate it. They took Wardens from the keep for some reason, and now they're after us. We have to get out of here, now!" Nathaniel nodded in agreement and moved quickly back to the steps where the others were standing, only to turn back when he heard Eriana's sudden cry.

Her eyes were wide with panic, "I can't move; I'm stuck in some kind of glyph." She looked up at them, "Go!" she shouted as Nathaniel took a step toward her, "Don't worry about me; just get out of here. Save yourself; just get out of here."

"Like hell!" Nathaniel said, running toward her. "We're not leaving you here alone. Anders, can you dispel this magic somehow?"

Anders didn't get a chance to answer. Just then a strange darkspawn emissary and a corrupted dwarf stepped into view just above them. Before Nathaniel could raise his bow to fire on the creature, it raised its hand to cast a spell on them. Beside him, Eriana began to sway and started to fall. Nathaniel moved quickly to catch her before she hit the ground, but as he tried to pull her up, he too began to feel the effects of the spell wash over him. The last thing he saw before his world went black was Eriana's face.

* * *

Nathaniel did not like waking up in unfamiliar clothes, and he didn't like waking up in unfamiliar places either. That fact that both were happing to him at the same time was really unnerving to him. He had awoken to find himself in a cage with an unconscious Anders and Oghren, and a very conscious and very annoyed Velanna, who had been pacing a rut in the cave floor. Since awaking, he tried very hard to focus his mental efforts on formulating some kind of plan, but he couldn't help imagining the darkspawn pawing over him and his armor while he was unconscious. Beside him, Velanna huffed in annoyance.

"Would you please do something? You are a Grey Warden; are you not?"

Nathaniel rolled his eyes, "Yes, and this is definitely one of the skills that Grey Wardens have, the ability to simply walk through walls with no trouble at all. Besides, we're not going anywhere until these two have woken up," he said, gesturing to the sleeping Wardens beside him. "How long was I out anyway?"

Velanna shrugged, "I don't know. I was alone in here for a while when they brought you in. A few minutes later, a bunch of those big, ugly ones drug those two in. You probably woke up about ten minutes later."

As she was talking, Oghren and Anders began to stir. Looking around, the dwarf groaned in frustration, "Ah, sod it, bloody darkspawn; they've got my stuff."

"And the Commander," Anders pointed out as he sat up.

"Great," Velanna said, "now that you're all awake; we can get out of here."

Oghren's eyes narrowed into a murderous glare. "Not without the commander." He stood up and began to walk around the cell, inspecting the bars, shaking them as if he was looking for weaknesses. "Howe," he said with a sudden authoritative air about him, "can you pick that lock?"

Nathaniel moved to inspect the door. He shook his head, "If I had some lock picks maybe, but all my tools are in my armor, which is, unfortunately, in darkspawn hands right now."

"Anders, how about you? Can you blast us out of here?"

Anders held out his hands and closed his eyes in concentration. "No," he groaned in frustration, "there's something in here that's blocking my magic. Perhaps…"

"Be quiet," Velanna hissed at them, "they're coming."

Just then the door on the far end of the room swung open, and the strange emissary strolled in, followed by a small troop of darkspawn, one of with was cradling Eriana's unconscious form in its arms. Rage began to swell in Nathaniel the moment he saw is elven companion looking so fragile and helpless in that thing's arms. The creature snarled at him as it dumped the elven woman unceremoniously onto the floor. Nathaniel tried to move toward her, toward it, but he was paralyzed, nailed to the floor by some spell the emissary had cast on them. Beside him, he could tell Oghren and Anders were doing the same.

"She is fine," the emissary said in a deep, meditative voice. "She will awake shortly from her slumber." The way the strange creature looked at them before it turned to leave sent chills through Nathaniel, but the moment it was gone, Nathaniel found that he was able to move again. He turned toward Eriana, but Anders was already there, cradling the sleeping elf's head in his lap as he examined her for injuries.

"Well?" Oghren said nervously, "Is she alright?"

"I think so; it's hard to tell what's wrong with her without my magic. Her pulse is normal, and she isn't running a fever."

"She looks pale," Nathaniel pointed out.

Anders looked up at him, "She's looked pale for the past week." Anders looked back down at the elf, stroking her face and forehead in a tender, almost loving way.

"Check her hair," Oghren said. "She always carries lock picks in there just in case something like this happens to her."

Anders ran his hands through her hair and pulled out several metal picks. He handed them to Nathaniel before turning his attention back to the sleeping elf. Nathaniel turned his attention to the door. It was a big, bulky lock, and the picks Eriana were able to hide in her hair were just too flimsy to manipulate the heavy mechanisms. After breaking the first two, Nathaniel decided to wait until the elf awoke to attempt with the final pick since she was much better at picking locks than he was.

As it turned out, they didn't need the final lockpick after all. Just after Eriana awoke, Velanna's sister came stealing into the room, delivering them the key and their freedom before disappearing into the shadows, much to the Dalish elf's dismay.

"Okay, guys," Eriana whispered as they made their way out of their temporary prison, "there is a group of darkspawn headed this way. Anders and Velanna, you are the only ones armed now, so use your magic wisely. Everyone else, get whatever weapons you can and use them." She was about to say more when the door burst and a small group of darkspawn stormed onto the room. Nathaniel disappeared into the shadows and began to move behind them, keeping a close eye on the spells the mages were casting. Oghren, of course was in the thick of things, attacking the biggest hurlock with his fists, hurling it to the ground and stealing its sword before moving to the next one. Nathaniel moved in behind one of the smaller genlocks, emerging from the shadows to snap its neck before disappearing again. He was expecting Eriana to do the same, but she was nowhere to be seen. It took him a moment to figure out why. The moment the fighting began, Anders grabbed Eriana and pulled her close to his side, using one arm to hold her in place while the other cast a myriad of spells, defensive and offensive. Eriana struggled for a while to free herself, but eventually gave up, opting to stand there while the rest of the group took out the remaining darkspawn.

"Anders," she spat once all the creatures were dead and she was freed from his grasp. "What was that?"

Anders looked surprised, "What was what?"

"That sudden testosterone filled display of over protectiveness! Maker's Breath, I thought Oghren was bad, but he's never held me down and refused to let me fight before."

"You were unarmed and wearing clothes that wouldn't stop a hornet's stinger, let alone a sword or arrow. I just thought you needed protection, that's all."

Eriana shook her head and laughed. "Unarmed does not mean helpless, surely you've learned that by now. And no fair using your arcane warrior strength against me; I taught you that!" Anders looked down at the ground, embarrassed. "Thank you for trying to protect me, Anders; I do appreciate the thought, but I have learned a thing or two about protecting myself," she said, patting him on the shoulder as she walked over to where Nathaniel was standing. "What?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just musing on how funny it was to see the Hero of Ferelden cowering behind a man is a skirt, that's all."

Eriana slapped him playfully on the arm, "I wasn't cowering; besides, even if I was, darkspawn can sense me so hiding from them doesn't always work so well for me anymore. And it would have been counterproductive to try to fight Anders while he was trying to kill the darkspawn; it would have just distracted him and he may have zapped you instead." Nathaniel laughed. "Oh, shut up. Let's get out of here before that creepy emissary knows we're gone."

* * *

It took them most of the night (according to Oghren's stone sense they had been unconscious most of the day) to work their way through the rest of the Architect's network of caves, but fortunately, they were able to recover their possessions along the way. They also gained another Warden as well. His name was Keenan, and they came across him as they were recovering the last of their possessions. He was one of the Orlesian Wardens who had been abducted from Vigil's Keep only two weeks before; the darkspawn had kept him there since them. When they found him, his injuries had been severe, but Anders and Velanna were able to patch him up enough to get him out of the tunnels. He had insisted that they leave him, trying to give them a ring to pass along to his widow, but Eriana had been adamant about saving him.

"Look Keenan, there are four of us in this part of the country. Four. We need you and your experience more than you could imagine. Besides, Anders is one of the best healers I've ever worked with; if anyone can patch up that leg, he can. So you just hold on to that ring, and you can give it to your wife in person." She glanced over at Anders whose hands were still glowing as he moved away from the man.

"I've done what I can for now. His body will need to heal some on his own, but this should get him out of the caves alright, assuming of course that we don't run into anything big."

Nathaniel sighed to himself. He hadn't known the elf for too long, but he'd known her long enough to realize that where she was concerned, if something could go wrong, it often did. Sure enough, they were all able to make it safely out of the caves only after they killed a pair of, as Oghren put it, young, easy to kill, dragons. Nathaniel wasn't sure about the easy to kill part, but Eriana and the dwarf seemed to know exactly how to go about effectively taking down a dragon. As they left the cave, he asked her about it.

"How many dragons does that make for us, Oghren; four…five?"

"Hum, there the archdemon, that's one. Then there was the one in Haven that you made us go back to fight."

Anders looked down at them, "You went back to fight it, meaning you sought it out?"

Eriana grinned, "Yeah, we figured we could use the practice; after all, we didn't want to go up against the archdemon having never fought one." Anders shook his head muttering something about crazy Wardens. "Then there was Flemeth, but in our defense, we had no idea she would change into a dragon. One minute it was, 'Oh I'm a crazy old lady,' and the next there's a huge dragon standing over us."

"Wait, wait, wait, Flemeth?" Nathaniel said. "The Flemeth, the one the stories are about? You killed her?"

"Yeah, we traveled with her daughter during the Blight; she was a real bitch."

"Flemeth or the daughter?"

Eriana and Oghren looked at each other and grinned. "Both," they said together.

"Whatever," Nathaniel muttered, agreeing with Anders's assessment for a moment. "So how are we going to get home? There's no way Keenan will be able to walk all the way there; and we will never be able to carry him."

Eriana seemed unconcerned. "I figured we'd take one of those carts that the merchants left behind. Several of them were left unharmed by Velanna's attacks."

"I guess that would work, but we don't have a horse. What are you going to do, make Oghren pull it?"

"Watch it Howe," Oghren growled.

"No," Eriana laughed. "I had something else in mind." She closed her eyes and began to mutter something in a language Nathaniel didn't quite understand. When she finished, a large bear appeared on the edge of the woods, making its way slowly toward them. Eriana reached out and hand and stroked the side of the massive beast's neck. "I thought we could use him."

Slightly crazy or no, Nathaniel had to admit, she had a way of getting things done, and that intrigued him more than he cared to admit. They quickly loaded Keenan into the cart and attached a makeshift harness to the bear and were about to leave when Velanna stepped forward.

"I'm coming with you."

Eriana sighed, "I was afraid you'd say that. Why do you want to come with us?"

"You left my sister with that thing, and I'm not just going to leave her down there. You say Wardens can sense darkspawn; make me a Warden so I can find her."

"Valenna, being a Warden isn't like learning a spell that you can use occasionally. It is a life that you agree to commit to; it's a change that happens to you, something that you can never take back."

"If it helps me find my sister, I don't care; it's worth it."

Eriana shrugged, "Alright, I'm never one to pass up a willing recruit. Climb in the wagon and help Anders keep an eye on Keenan." She looked at Nathaniel and motioned for him to join her as she walked alongside the bear.

"Are you sure this is such a good idea, Commander? I mean she did kill all those people."

Eriana shrugged, "That doesn't matter with the Wardens, our past and all that. Besides, I'm tired of arguing with her; it's as productive as arguing with this bear and a lot less fun."

Nathaniel laughed, "I guess it's wrong to hope the Joining kills her."

Eriana fought back a grin, "You know, normally I would scold a Warden for such a statement, but since you're new at this, I'll let it slide, just this once." She glanced up at him, "and the fact that I'm kinda hoping for the same has nothing to do with it. Now, let's get home. I can't wait to see Varel's face when we roll into the Keep like this."

_

* * *

_

I know there are a few AU things going on here, especially Nathaniel's personality. The way I see it, though, if Nate willingly joined the Wardens after finding out what happened with his father, he wouldn't be quite as angry and angsty as he is when he's conscripted. Also, I got a bit tired of just letting people die when I have a healer beside me who can take care of it, so I decided to save the Warden in the caves.

_I also changed a few of the story settings, since Nathaniel will be playing a more vital role in the story._

_Anyway, I hope Santa was good to all of you! Thank you for your continued reading and support. Thanks to my reviewers, Fairy, Kainen-no-Kitsune, and Jen4306. And as always, a special thanks to those who added faves and alerts, Seekergirl Keaton, Fairy, and Glamasaurus._


	13. Chapter 13

"So, Keenan," Eriana said as she took a seat beside the dark-haired Warden's bedside. She had been so busy since their return to the keep; she hadn't had much time to talk to their injured comrade. "Anders just told me that you are almost back to full health. He said that you might even be ready for a trip to Amaranthine in a few days."

Keenan smiled up at her, "That's what he's been telling me. I have to say, I really thought I was a goner down there for sure, but that mage of yours is something else. I'll be back to killing darkspawn in no time, thanks to him."

"Well, he's just a mage, not my mage really; Anders is a Grey Warden too, remember."

"Yeah, that's right; I keep forgetting that part. Not that I'm not used to mages in the Wardens, don't get me wrong, but there was something I've been meaning to ask you about that, actually. How long have those others been in the order because I can't get a clear sense of the taint in any of them? You're the only one that I really get any vibes off of at all."

"They all joined less than three weeks ago."

Keenan shook his head, "I thought you guys were doing well here. According to our Commander, the ranks were growing, and we were just coming to supplement things."

Eriana sighed, "We have eleven Wardens in the southern part of the country dealing with our darkspawn problems down there. I was counting on you all to carry most of the weight here until they arrive. I'm not expecting them to arrive here for another four months or so, and since there's no real easy way of contacting them, I'm forced to do what I can with who I've got."

"I guess it's a good thing you found me when you did; I had resolved myself to the fact that I was going to die down there. If it hadn't been for you…well, I'm just glad you found me, that's all. I never thought I'd see Nida again."

Eriana patted his arm, "I'm very glad we were there, and I'm sure Nida will be happy to see you. Just out of curiosity, though, why is she in Amaranthine and not here at the Keep? I'm mean, it's a good thing she wasn't here, I was just wondering why that was."

Keenan shrugged, "Well, she wasn't exactly thrilled about my joining the Wardens; she was happy with our life as it was when I was just a normal guard. I'm not sure she is quite cut out for the life of a military wife; she hated the stodgy feel of family housing that the Wardens provided. So we came to an agreement of sorts; she stayed in the city while I was doing my duty as a Warden."

"Sounds reasonable enough, but why did you join the Wardens, then, if your wife was so against it?"

"It wasn't exactly by choice."

Eriana raised an eyebrow, "Conscription?"

Keenan shook his head, "Necessity. I was on patrol just south of Jader when my company encountered a group of darkspawn. Most of my unit was whipped out in the attack; in fact, all of us probably would have been killed if some Grey Wardens hadn't showed up when they did. They managed to kill all the darkspawn and save several of us, but I was infected with the taint during the course of the fight. They told me I had two choices, die of the Blight disease or join the Grey Wardens."

"Wait, we can put infected people through the Joining to save them? I didn't know that."

"If you catch it early enough, the Joining essentially slows down the progression of the disease. The fact that I was exposed to the taint before my Joining will probably speed up my calling by a few years, but I consider it a small price to pay for another twenty five years or so of life."

Eriana smiled, "I know the feeling. I was conscripted away from a certain death sentence, so those thirty years looked like a gift. I can imagine that things looked different from your wife's point of view; it probably seemed like she was being robbed."

"Yeah, it's been a real adjustment for her; that's why I volunteered to move here. I thought a change of scenery might be good for her. I had also hoped that you might be a bit more...um…lenient when it came to relationships," he said with a smile.

Eriana was confused, "What do you mean?"

"Well, the Orlesian Commander was okay with relationships within the Wardens, but he had issues when Wardens had companions who weren't in the order. He was afraid that if we were too close to people outside the order, we might accidently let some Warden secrets slip. That's why he would move us away from our home as soon as we joined. The fewer connections to the outside, the better."

"So what made you think I would be any different?"

Keenan grinned, "We heard that you were getting married to a non-Warden, so several of us who had spouses asked to be transferred here."

"What? Are you saying that people in another country know about my personal life?" Eriana said as a blush began to creep up her cheeks.

Keenan laughed, "Are you kidding? You are one of the most famous people in all of Thedas; of course we know about your personal life! The bards have been singing of your victories for months, and you know how bards enjoy a good love story. The story of you and Zevran is my wife's favorite story."

"Oh, Maker's Breath," she muttered.

"What, don't you want to be famous?"

She huffed in response. "What I want is a drink," Eriana said, shaking her head as she got up. "A really big one. But as it's the middle of the day and I still have a pile of paper work stacked up as tall as Oghren waiting for me on my desk, I guess it'll have to wait. Tonight…tonight I'll get completely smashed." Keenan chuckled. "We'll head into Amaranthine in two days, so get some rest."

"You got it, Commander. Thanks, and not just for stopping by, thanks for everything."

Eriana said goodbye and made her way down to her office where Varel and Garevel were waiting for her, talking to a human and elf who she didn't recognize. It turned out the two visitors were hunters who had stumbled on a major hub of darkspawn activity when one of them fell into a cave. A sickening feeling began to form in the pit of Eriana's stomach as the men continued to describe their discovery.

"And you say the darkspawn simply ignored you, even though you were screaming right there beside them?"

"Yeah, it was weird, right? They seemed busy, focused on something else. I didn't know darkspawn could focus on anything."

Eriana sighed. "Varel, could you go find Oghren for me," she asked as she pulled out a few maps and spread them out across her desk. "Now," she said, looking up at the hunters and gesturing to a detailed map of the arling, "could you show me exactly where you were when you discovered this cavern?" The human stepped up and pointed to an area labeled Knotwood Hills.

"What's up, Commander?" Oghren asked as he came into the office.

She pulled out a detailed map of the deeproads that Bhelen had sent her in his last correspondence from Orzammar and motioned Oghren over. "Do you know if we close to any openings to the deeproads?"

Oghren looked over the map, "There are several older openings around here, but a lot of those have collapsed over the years. I believe there used to be an old fortress in this area, Kal' Hirol I think it was called, but access to it has been cut off for generations. We're not even completely sure exactly where it is anymore." He pointed to a section of the map, "See, the road through here collapsed a long time ago. Why do you ask?"

"I think these guys just found an entrance to the deeproads, a big one from the sound of it."

Oghren glanced over at the two men who described again what they saw. "So you say the cave had high ceilings, paved walkways, and was crawling with darkspawn? Yeah, you were in the deeproads alright." He compared the two maps, "And from the look of it, you were close to where the shaperate believes Kal' Hirol was located." He glanced up at Eriana, "It looks like we're headed back into the deeproads."

Eriana groaned and sank into her seat, the sick feeling returning to her stomach, "I was afraid you were going to say that."

"Commander," Garevel said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just really hate the deeproads, that's all, baaaad experiences down there." She ran a hand through her hair. "Gentlemen, thank you for your information," she said nodding toward the two hunters. "Varel, could you see that they are compensated for their troubles." Varel nodded and he and Garevel escorted to two men out.

"So, Oghren," she said once they were alone, "what do you think they're up to."

He sighed and sat down on the other side of her desk. "Honestly, there's only one thing darkspawn do when they set up shop in an abandoned dwarven structure."

"Reproduce," she muttered and Oghren nodded in agreement. "Sodding darkspawn, I really don't want to go back into the deeproads, not for a while anyway, but I guess we have no choice."

"Do you want me to take 'em? I know how hard it was for you last time we were down there."

Eriana smiled, "No, it's nice of you to offer, but this is something I have to do. I can't just send my Wardens off to do the dirty work I'm unwilling to do. What kind of leader would I be if I did that? You guys can't even sense darkspawn yet." She sighed, "I guess I'll just have to suck it up and do it."

"So are we headed down tomorrow or what?"

"No, I'd like to head into Amaranthine first. Keenan needs to spend some time with his wife, and we need to deal with the smugglers before we head off to the far end of the arling." She rolled up the maps and put them away. "We'll head into the city in two days then head toward Knotwood Hills from there."

* * *

"Anders!" Eriana barked in a frustrated tone. The mage's head shot up from the book he had been reading, wondering what he had done to earn her anger.

"Um, I didn't do it. I bet it was Howe or Oghren…"

She waved him off hastily, "No, nothing's wrong; I was just wondering if you had seen Velanna. I've been looking everywhere for her." She cocked her head to the side, "Though you seen quite defensive; are you sure you didn't do anything I should be angry about?'

Anders gave a sigh of relief and grinned, "Nope, innocent as a dove, but denying everything is my default reaction when someone shows up shouting my name like that." Eriana smiled briefly at that before rolling her eyes. "So, Velanna, yeah, I saw her. She was in here just a little while ago, asking me questions about herbal mixtures and potion recipes. Then, out of nowhere and with no prompting on my behalf, mind you, she stormed out of here, mumbling something about needing air and trees. I don't think she's quite used to spending so much time indoors. It's making her irritable, and I mean more irritable than usual."

Eriana huffed, "Well that's saying something."

"You know it," Anders said as put his book down. "Would you like me to help you find her? Mages can sense one another, you know. It's something about our connection to the veil."

"Great, that would be a big help, Anders, thanks. It's not a bad time, is it? I mean, I'm not disturbing anything important, am I?"

"Nah, I'm just doing some light reading. Howe had a pretty impressive library here, lots of sappy old fiction. Anyway, I bet you anything Velanna went up to the battlements," he said as he strolled across the room to join her. "We should probably head up there."

Eriana nodded and he followed her out of the room. Something about her seemed different, and it took him a second to realize what it was. She was out of her armor. Anders tried to remember if he had ever seen her when she wasn't clad in the supple leathers she always wore. The only time he could remember was when the Architect had returned her after he had finished with whatever sick experiments he was performing on her. The elf was always armored, from the moment she stepped out in the morning until she disappeared back into her chambers in the evening. In fact, he had often wondered if she actually slept in her armor. But tonight, she was wearing a tunic and a simple pair of trousers, looking slightly off with her twin daggers strangely absent from her back. It made her seem softer, seeing her standing there without the heavy equipment, and so much smaller. On some level, he knew she was an elf, and a small one by their standards, but imposing nature of her armor and weapons coupled with her larger than life nature had always made her seem bigger somehow. Tonight though, she didn't really fit the role of Warden Commander, Anders realized as he followed her through the castle and up to the battlements. Tonight, she could be anyone, just another elven woman whose hair was cascading down her back in a waterfall of golden locks that shimmered and danced in the moonlight with every step she made.

Anders swallowed the lump that had somehow worked its way up into his throat as he watched her hair dance in that enticing way across her back as she walked in front of him. Yeah, her hair, he was definitely watching her hair, not letting his eyes stray just a little lower to the alluring way her hips swayed as she moved, not to the shapely way legs looked through the light fabric of her trousers. Nope, keep looking up at that mesmerizing curtain of gold that just begged to be touched. He remembered the way those silky locks of hers had flowed through her fingers as he cradled her head in is lap. Anders shook his head, trying to shake away such thoughts. "Pull it together man; you're not in the tower anymore, Anders. She's you commanding officer, not some apprentice that you've pulled into a secluded corner of the library to steal away a private moment of pleasure, far away from the prying eyes of the templars." Suddenly the image of Eriana in apprentice robes, peeking out from behind a bookcase, her eyes shining with a mischievous grin on her face as she beckoned him toward her, flashed across his mind's eye, and Anders shuddered, thankful for the lose and heavy nature of his enchanted robes. Desperately, he tried to force his mind in another direction. "Think about the Revered Mother, Cullen, darkspawn…Oghren in his smalls; anything!"

"Anders?'

"Huh?" Anders managed to squeak.

"Are you okay?" Eriana asked, a look of concern crossing her face. "You're looking a bit flushed," she said, reaching out to touch his cheek with the back of her hand.

"Ah, I'm okay," he said stumbling backward, just out of her reach. "The cool air, you know, it just gave me a bit of a head rush, that's all." He laughed, "Whoo! Better than Oghren's brew!" he said, hoping she believed him.

The elven woman looked up at him for a second, then shrugged. "Okay, if you say so," she said before turning around and leaning on the low wall of the battlements, looking out into the darkness.

"It's a beautiful night, isn't it?" he said, leaning on the wall beside her, trying to make conversation.

"Yeah," she said in a soft melancholy voice. "Nights like this were my favorite when we were traveling around during the Blight. When it was warm and bright like this, we would all sit around the fire and spend the whole evening talking, telling stories…" She sighed and rested her chin on her hand. "It was nice, you know, not having to huddle in the tents trying to keep warm and dry."

"It sounds like you miss it."

"In a funny way, I do. Don't get me wrong, I don't miss the fighting, sleeping in the cold, living in constant fear of death, and the almost starving to death, but I do miss spending time with my friends. I mean, when you spend every day with a group of people for nearly a year, you get close. We were all each other had. I had been exiled from my home, separated from my family for the first time in my life, so, in a way, they became my family. I guess I didn't really realize how much I'd come to rely on them until we all started going our separate ways." She closed her eyes and turned away from Anders, refusing to meet his eye, her voice shaking slightly. "Then, after spending so much time with them, all of a sudden, I found myself alone, and I wasn't ready to be alone."

Anders reached out with one arm and pulled her to his side, knowing she wasn't just thinking about her friends. Her mind was on her former fiancé. He expected her to tense up and shy away from physical contact, remembering how she scrambled away from him the moment she woke up in his arms in the Architect's lair, but, much to his surprise, she turned into the hug, resting her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her waist. His heart leapt slightly when he felt her arms wrap around him. Instantly, Anders realized that her leathers wasn't the only armor missing that night. For some reason, she had allowed him to see her pain, the vulnerability that churned just beneath the surface of the thick layer of armor she usually wore over her heart, hiding her pain and keeping everyone but Oghren out.

"I know that we will never be able to replace the ones you lost, but you're not alone anymore, Eriana. We are here for you, I hope you know that. And if you ever need anything, all you need to do is ask."

Eriana looked up at him, blue eyes shimmering with tears. Anders reached down and gently brushed away the single tear that had escaped to her cheek, suddenly very aware of how warm and inviting her body felt pulled up against him, how right it felt to hold her in his arms. It was wrong, harboring feelings like these, she was weak, and it would be wrong to exploit her weakness, but that realization was fleeting as he looked into those beautiful blue eyes, sparkling like sapphires in the moonlight.

"Anders," she said, looking up at him in a breathy whisper. His hands moved up her back, drawing her closer. "I…"

"The Antivan Crows send their regards," a voice suddenly growled out of the darkness.

"Ah, bloody hell," Anders muttered as he spun Eriana behind him and summoned a shield around them. A split second later, a crossbow bolt clattered to the ground.

"Don't kill, just paralyze," Eriana hissed from behind him. Anders grumbled as the air around him simmered with his magic. A crushing prison would definitely paralyze him and inflict a bit of pain while he was at it. Once the mysterious figure was incapacitated, Anders turned to check on Eriana, who was standing over the lifeless body of a second attacker, casually cleaning his blood off her daggers. She grinned when she saw him staring at her. "What? Crows rarely work alone. Is he still alive?" She asked nodding toward the first attacker.

Anders nodded and crossed his arms as he watched her as she finished cleaning her weapons. "I'm more interested in where the daggers came from," he said as the shouts of the Vigil's guards began to reach his ears.

"Oh, come on, Anders, I never go anywhere unarmed," she said as she slid the daggers back into her boots.

"Commander, are you alright?" one of the guards asked breathlessly as he ran up. "Warden Velanna said she sensed offensive magic, so we came to see if you needed aid." He looked at the two attackers. "Obviously you had the situation well in hand."

Anders looked back at the Dalish mage who merely shrugged, "You wouldn't be much help in finding my sister if you were dead."

"Ah, Velanna, your kindness and concern are overwhelming," Anders said.

"We're fine," Eriana said to the guard. "We were attacked by these two a moment ago. Secure that one as soon as Anders's spell wears off and take him to my office for questioning." She turned to Anders. "Stay with them and make sure he doesn't get away. I need to speak with Velanna; then I'll get Nathaniel and we'll meet you there."

"Nathaniel?"

"Yeah, he needs to be here for this questioning," she said as she turned back to the Dalish mage, and it was clear to Anders that she had her emotional armor securely back in place.

Anders turned and dispelled the spell with a sigh, releasing the unknown man from the prison so that the guards could secure him and get him into her office. Once they were inside, Anders was able to get a better look at the man and was surprised by what he saw. He was young, barely more than a kid. He had short dark hair that fell just over his dark eyes. His skin was pale, making the dark tattoos on his face stand out in contrast. The kid looked terrified, refusing to make eye contact with the men who were standing around him, glaring at him suspiciously.

Eriana and Nathaniel came into the office a short time later, followed closely by Varel and Garevel. Man, if looks could kill, Anders was pretty sure the would-be assassin would have been a pile of ashes. There is no way Anders wanted to be on the receiving end of the lethal glare Nathaniel was shooting the young man. Eriana approached him and knelt down in front of the terrified young man as Nathaniel stood silently behind her.

"Okay," Eriana said, looking up at the man. "We will just start with the basics. Now, we can do this the easy way where you are civil and answer my questions politely, or we can do this the hard way and these men behind me get to start asking the questions."

"Starting with me," Nathaniel growled. The man nodded, never taking his eyes off the elf.

"Good, we understand each other. Now, what is your name?"

"S-S-S-Simon, my Lady."

"Simon, good. Now, would you care to tell me how you came to be in my Keep this evening?"

"We were looking for him," he said, pointing to the corner where Anders was standing. "We wasn't after you, I swear; we was just trying to collect the bounty on him."

Eriana glanced briefly back at Anders who shrugged. "What did you want with my mage?"

"Well, we didn't rightly know he was a mage; we just heard the other men in the order talkin about how high the price on him had gotten. We was just looking to make a name for ourselves in the Crows, that's all."

"Why would the Crows have a bounty out on Anders; the Chantry doesn't hire assassins to do their dirty work, do they?" Nathaniel asked, looking at Eriana for the briefest of moments before turning his powerful glare back on the cowering assassin.

"Who is Anders?" the Crow asked, looking up at them.

Eriana glanced at him, "Anders is the man you just tried to kill."

The young man's eyes widened in genuine shock, "So that wasn't Zevran that we attacked?" Eriana shook her head. "Oh, man I'm such an idiot! We heard the guys talking about him and decided to try to go after him. They said that he would be here with the blonde Warden Commander. When we saw the two of you together, we just assumed."

Nathaniel turned and looked at Eriana, who rolled her eyes and waved him off in a way that said "Later." Anders made sure he was looking away when Nathaniel turned the questioning glare his way. "Did you even bother to find out anything else about him; you know, like the fact that he's an elf and he's not even in Amaranthine," she snapped at him as she got to her feet. Simon looked down, ashamed. "You mean to tell me you took off to kill a mark without even doing any research? Why on earth would you try something like that?"

"Look, you don't know what it's like in the Crows; if you don't do something to get noticed by those higher up, you're dead. They'll send you in as fodder to distract guards while the more experienced assassins head for the target; it's a death sentence. I had to do something; I was desperate. I thought taking out someone with such a big price on his head would get me noticed."

"Did you ever wonder why the price was so big?" Simon shrugged. "He's a former Crow, and I am the hero of Ferelden. We've managed to survive two different attacks by the Crows not to mention a civil war and a Bligh. The price is so big because he's damn hard to kill, especially when I'm with him, so you made a serious error in judgment."

The color drained from the young man's face, and he began to stammer. "How old are you?" Eriana asked, looking down at him.

"Eighteen," he stammered.

"Let me see your arm." Simon looked up, surprised for a moment before extending his arm. "The whole thing, please." Simon sighed and pulled up his sleeve and showed her the underside of his arm. "One solo kill and you thought to come after one of the biggest contracts in Ferelden; you're either crazy or stupid or both."

"Commander," Garevel said, stepping up beside her. "You need to make a decision about what you intend to do with this man. Is he to be executed tomorrow?"

Eriana sighed, and Anders knew what she was about to say before she even said it. "Let him go."

Nathaniel grabbed her arm and turned her toward him, "Please tell me you aren't serious about this. You do realize he tried to kill you; he broke into your home and tried to kill you. He knew you were the Warden Commander and Arlessa; ergo, the man deserves to die."

"You're one to talk, Nathaniel," she said with a slight grin. "Weren't you planning to do the exact same thing?"

"That's different; he actually attempted it."

Eriana smiled, "And you would have too if you hadn't been caught." She took Nathaniel's arm, and pulled him over to where Anders was standing. "Just look at him. he's just a kid. Regardless of what I do to him, he's a dead man. The Crows will kill him on principle for either trying to or failing to kill me. He's already sealed his fate, and he doesn't need me to condemn him as well." The men were silent for a moment. "Look, what he was saying about the Crows was absolutely true; it's how they operate. I know. I can't fault him for wanting to improve his standing the only way he knew how."

Garevel shook his head, "This sets a bad precedent, letting him go."

"Yeah," Anders added, "If this gets out, you'll be fending off assassination attempts left and right."

"And that's different from my life how exactly? Dodging assassination attempts is all I've done for the past two years." She shook her head. "My mind's made up." She walked over to Simon and cut his bonds. "You are free to go, but let me give you some advice." Simon looked up at her, his eyes wide with surprise. "Run, don't return to your master because, believe me, you won't receive a warm reception; in fact, you'll most likely be killed instantly. Your only hope is to either disappear or to align yourself with someone with some real power. Your best bet would be to return to Antiva and ally yourself with Zevran."

"Join Zevran in doing what exactly?"

"I'm not sure, and I'm not sure if he would even take you; he may just kill you on principle. But it's likely the only chance you've got." She turned to walk away. "And next time you have the element of surprise, don't blow it, by announcing yourself; it kind of gives up whatever edge you might have had on your victim."

Simon stumbled to his feet, "I don't know how I can ever thank you; really, you won't regret this, I promise."

Anders watched the assassin for a moment before turning and following Eriana and Nathaniel out of the office while the guards went about making sure their guest was escorted quickly from the premises. Just as he caught up to the two rogues, Garevel came running up to them. "Commander, wait for a moment," Garevel said when he finally caught up. Eriana stopped and waited for him. "Commander, I'd like to speak with you for a moment." He gave Nathaniel a pointed glance. "Alone."

"What's this about?"

Garevel looked over at Nathaniel again. "Varel and I have come across some information that we believe, in light of recent developments, you really need to know."

_

* * *

_

Wow, this is a bit longer than usual. Sorry about the delay in the update; I just got Fable 3 and it's been dominating my life (my free time at least).

_As always, I want to send out some love to my reviewers: Jen, Judy, Eva, Fairy, you all rock. Thank you to those who added faves and alerts: Serenasgurl, northernbreeze, and whennightmareswalked._


	14. Chapter 14

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," Eriana muttered to herself as she moved through the corridors of Vigil's Keep, making her way to Nathaniel's room. What had she been thinking, seriously? If there was a manual on how to be an ineffective leader, she was pretty sure step one would be pouring out your heart and telling all your problems to a subordinate you've only known for a few weeks. Step two would definitely be allowing said subordinate to kiss you, or almost kiss you. Thank Andraste for the assassination attempt. Eriana stopped dead in her tracks and started giggling. "Oh, I'm losing it," she thought to herself. "Would I really rather fend off attempted murder than to kiss Anders?" No, it wasn't that; in any other situation, Anders would be perfectly kissable with his long blonde hair and disarming smile. She just wasn't exactly ready for that. Zevran had only been gone for a month, so what was she doing allowing herself to be cradled in another man's arms? She wasn't over him; she wasn't even sure if she ever wanted to be over him, there was a chance he might return, after all. It was a moment of weakness, that's all.

It was the deeproads' fault. Ever since she realized that they would be headed there in a few days, she had been dwelling on her first trip down into that darkness, back when they were recruiting the dwarves during the Blight. It had been a difficult trip for her, dealing with the influence of the archdemon, the new sensation of the taint in her blood pulling at her, and the knowledge that, in a way, she was walking around in what would eventually be her tomb; in fact, the entire experience had almost broken her completely. The only thing had had held her together had been Zevran, and it was in the deeproads that she finally admitted to herself that she was developing feelings for the elven assassin. He had been so kind, so understanding and comforting with her, and it had been in the deeproads that she finally let go of her reservations and kissed him for the first time. It was the only pleasant memory from the whole horrible three week experience and was the start of the relationship that had come to mean so much to her. Now, she was headed back there, only this time without him.

With those facts on her mind, she had gone to find Velanna and had found herself pouring her heart out to Anders. He had been so understanding, so comforting, that when he pulled her into a hug she hadn't had the will or desire to resist. Instead, she turned into the hug, relishing the warmth and comfort that she felt being in someone's arms again, and in a way, she had lost herself in the moment, allowing her resolve to slip momentarily. Luckily, she was jarred from the moment before anything else happened. Now, she just had to pull it together before she did something else stupid, like throw herself at Nathaniel too.

"Hey," she said, poking her head in the open door of his room. "You up to anything important?"

"Not really," he said, looking up and motioning for her to come in. "I was just oiling my armor. Why, what's going on?"

Eriana smiled as she leaned against the door jam, "I was just wondering if you would be up for some late-night prisoner interrogation."

Nathaniel chuckled, "An interrogation in the middle of the night; either you're just really eager or something serious is going on." He grabbed his belt and daggers and followed her out into the hallway. "So, what happened?"

Eriana shrugged nonchalantly. "Anders and I were attacked on the battlements tonight by a pair of Crow assassins." Nathaniel stopped suddenly and grabbed her arm.

"Excuse me? I'm not sure I heard you correctly because I'm pretty sure you just told me in no uncertain terms that someone tried to kill you tonight, and he is still alive?"

"Not someone, two someones."

"Two people tried to kill you, and for some bizarre reason, you don't exactly seem to be all that upset about it."

"It's because I'm really not all that upset, truth be told; they were completely inept, Nathaniel. I mean, really, you would laugh. Not only did they give us clear warning of their impending attack by shouting 'the Antivan Crows send their regards,' but they also weren't even able to land a single blow." Nathaniel regarded her closely. "I'm serious, Nate, I'm fine, not a scratch on me."

"I'm not laughing," Nathaniel practically growled beside her, "Do you think that this is connected with the conspiracy against you?"

Eriana sighed, "I doubt it, but that's what we need to find out." She stopped and turned to him, explaining exactly what happened and describing the young, would-be assassin. "So, how do you think we should go about doing this?"

"While I'm inclined to inflict some major pain on this guy, I'm not sure that would be the best route to take. If he's as young as you say he is, he might respond well to…well to you. You're sweet, pretty, sympathetic; he may just tell you everything you want to know, especially if he wants to keep his head."

"Sounds like a plan," she said as Varel and Garevel walked up with one of the guards from the battlements. The grave looks on their faces suggested that they had been informed of what had happened. "So what will you be doing while I'm playing nice."

"I'll there as a subtle reminder of what may happen should he choose not to cooperate with your more gentle methods."

Eriana chuckled to herself before putting on her serious face and making her way into her office. If she was being perfectly honest with herself, she knew that she didn't really need Nathaniel to get the young man to talk. After all, she had convinced the entire nation of Ferelden to unite against the Hero of the River Dane on her powers of persuasion, so getting information out of this guy should be a piece of cake for her. No, her reasons for going to Nathaniel were purely personal, and on some level, she knew it. She didn't need an interrogator, what she needed was a buffer, just in case Anders decided that he wanted to pick up where they left off when the assassins interrupted them. She really didn't want to hurt the mage's feelings by rejecting him, but she really wasn't ready to go down that road, not just yet, anyway. So, Nathaniel was there as a shield of sorts, to keep Anders at bay.

As it turned out, however, it was a totally unnecessary move because as soon as Eriana left her office with her fellow Wardens, Garevel approached her, insisting that he needed to speak with her in private.

Eriana said good night to Nathaniel and Anders and followed Garevel into his office; she was unsurprised to find Varel already there, pacing the floor. "Commander, I think you need to take a seat," her captain said, pulling out a chair for her. "We have been debating for some time how to best broach this situation with you, especially considering how much you seem to trust Howe, but in light of recent events, I think it's best that we just tell you straight." He took a deep breath and glanced at Varel before continuing. "My Lady, we believe your life is in danger."

Eriana had to work to keep her expression stoic and serious. When exactly was her life not in danger?

"And," he continued, "we have reason to believe that Nathaniel Howe might be involved."

"Involved in what, exactly?" Eriana asked, leaning forward.

"Involved in a conspiracy to assassinate you," Varel finished for the captain. "Commander, during the fealty ceremony, I was approached by Ser Tamra who claimed to have intercepted some unsigned letters that were calling for your death. I looked over the letters but, as of yet, have been unable to determine who may have sent them or who the desired recipient may have been. Either way, it seems that several of your vassals are planning to move against you. I'm sorry for the delay in bringing this to your attention, but we wanted more proof before alarming you unnecessarily."

"And what does Nathaniel have to do with any of this; do you believe him to be involved with this conspiracy?"

Garevel stepped forward, "It's highly likely, My Lady, whether you wish to believe it or not. He has a definite motive, and he has already tried and failed to get close enough to assassinate you once. Perhaps joining the Wardens was an elaborate hoax to gain your trust, and considering the fact that he was missing from a good portion of the ceremony, there are definite reasons to suspect that he has a connection to this conspiracy. Varel and I believe that tonight was the first of their attempts on your person."

Eriana put one hand up as she massaged her temple with the other. "Let me stop you there, gentlemen. Nathaniel was not missing from the fealty ceremony. He was there by my command, observing the nobility in secret. He brought me news of this possible conspiracy as soon as the vassals cleared the hall."

"So, you knew about this already?" Garevel asked, and Eriana nodded. "Commander I wish you would have let us known about this. How am I to protect you if you don't inform me of every possible threat?"

"Well, that was an oversight on my part, and for that, I apologize." Eriana said. "You are right; I should have told you the instant I found out, but as there was no knowing who was involved, Nathaniel and I thought it best to keep it quiet as long as possible. We were afraid of alerting the conspirators that we had caught wind of their plan." She stood up and walked to the window. "And don't take this to mean I don't trust you; I do, more than I trust anyone outside the Order. But try to understand, for the past year and a half I've been taking care of these kinds of situations on my own. My first inclination isn't to reach out for help, so please forgive my oversight. I am just learning to work within this kind of support system, and it's against my natural inclination to trust other people to solve my problems."

"I can understand that, Commander," Garevel said. "You did spend the better part of a year being touted as an enemy to Crown and Country; that's bound to make you somewhat self-reliant." He sighed, "So you don't think Howe had any hand in this."

"No, I'm certain of it," Eriana said with confidence. "But, if this is to turn into a strategy session concerning my safety, Nathaniel really should be here." Varel and Garevel agreed, and Varel left to fetch Nathaniel.

"This still doesn't change the fact that this group has already begun to move against you, however. Tonight's attack was proof positive of that." Garevel said. "It seems obvious that the conspiracy has taken out a contract for you with the Crows. Do you still feel that it's wise to allow him to leave?"

Eriana chuckled, "Okay, for one, there's no way those two children who attacked me tonight were sent by the Crows. They are far too inexperienced to be sent on a job of this magnitude; the organization wouldn't allow their reputation to be hurt by such a futile attempt."

"What makes you believe that they were inexperienced?"

"I can read Crow tattoos; those two tonight were fresh out of the apprentice barracks. Secondly, the Crows wouldn't even accept a new contract on me; I have a bit of a professional understanding. I did some work for them during the Blight, so they, in turn, agreed to leave me alone and refuse any future contracts on me. Besides, they've already failed to kill me three times, well four if you count those two yahoos; any more failed attempts would just be bad for business. It hurts a reputation to continue to fail to kill someone," she said with a grin.

"Are you sure your agreement still stands now that the Blight is over? Perhaps there are new Crows in Ferelden who don't honor that agreement."

Eriana shook her head, "No, I met with the new head of the Ferelden house of Crows before we left Denerim; our agreement stands. The one I worked with during the Blight has chosen to stay in Antiva."

Garevel chuckled, "Commander, for someone who claims not to be politically inclined, you definitely have a strong set of contacts. Why would the Crows have a cell here anyway?"

"We've just come out of a civil war; there are a lot of people still not getting along. The Crows go where business if good."

Nathaniel and Varel came into the room, and immediately, Nathaniel moved Eriana's side. She glanced up at him, "Did he fill you in?" The nobleman nodded.

"Nathaniel," Garevel said, stepping forward, "Eriana has explained that you have been helping her with this, and I am sorry we suspected you."

Nathaniel gave a half smile, "I would doubt your ability to protect her if you hadn't suspected me; it was a sensible assumption to make. I just wish you had come to her sooner with your suspicions; after all, I do spend a great deal of time with her, often alone. If you believed I had ill intentions toward her, she should have known immediately."

"Look," Eriana said, standing up, "there has been a lack of communication on all sides. What is important now is that we do something about this since we have a bit more evidence than mere hearsay." She turned to Varel, "Do you have any suggestions on what we may want to do to catch these conspirators?"

"We've discussed a few options. We could send a company of guards out to investigate, see what information that they could uncover."

"No," Nathaniel said, shaking his head, "guards aren't good at ferreting out this kind of thing; they just aren't subtle enough. Their presence would merely alert our enemies that we are aware of their plans; it could drive them deeper into hiding."

"That's what Garevel said. We could also 'invite' a member of each noble family to stay with us indefinitely, and should something happen to her, well…"

"Absolutely not." Eriana said, her face stern, her jaw as tight as a bowstring. "I will not be painted as a tyrant. My position in this arling hangs by a thread already; I must gain the people's trust and I can't do that if I'm holding people hostage for no good reason."

Varel held up his hands, "It was merely an option; one that I myself was not too fond of, My Lady. There is one final option," Varel said with a sigh. "I was contacted by a man calling himself the Dark Wolf, and he has offered to investigate the matter further…"

But Eriana didn't hear anything else he said after the words Dark Wolf left his lips. Zevran…

_Zevran took her hand, a sly grin on his face as he lead her from Bann Franderel's estate, Andraste's Tears safely tucked away in the folds of her cloak. The two elves made their way through the back streets of Denerim, making their way as quickly as possible back to their room in the Tavern. The raid had been a complete success; they had managed to get in and out of the estate completely undetected, sneaking through shadows past the company of guards patrolling the yards and hallways. It was their crowning achievement; after months of committing petty crimes, they had finally pulled off a major heist and had managed to do it cleanly to boot._

_But the danger wasn't past, not for them anyway. Now that had to make it back to the safety of the tavern without being stopped by the Denerim patrol. Two armed elves out in the middle of the night would definitely arouse suspicion, so they tried very hard to move unseen. _

_As they were about to round the corner into the market square, Zevran caught her arm and spun her around, pinning her against the wall, covering his body with hers as he began to pepper her neck and shoulders with kisses. His lips moved up to her ear, "A guard is just around the corner," he breathed into her ear before moving to her lips. She moved her hands down to his waist, moving the daggers on his belt to his back so that they were completely concealed beneath his cloak; at her waist, Zevran's hands were doing the same. _

"_Hey you, knife-ears," a gruff voice came from behind Zevran, and Eriana glanced up at the guard from over his shoulder. "This is inappropriate behavior for a public street, and you two are out after curfew." _

"_I'm sorry, Ser," Eriana said in a soft, demure voice, keeping her eyes low like she was too ashamed to meet the human's eye. "It's just…it's just my master isn't fond of me seeing other elves so the only time we can get together is after he's already gone to bed." She was trying hard to keep her face serious, but it was becoming increasingly difficult as Zevran's hand was slowly making its way up the front of her shirt as he started slowly caressing her breast, making it very difficult to focus on what the guard was saying to her. "We just wanted to see each other, that's all; we weren't trying to cause any trouble."_

_The guard looked at them for a moment before sighing and waving them off. The elves didn't need to be told twice; Zevran grabbed her hand as they scrambled across the square to the back entrance to the Gnawed Noble Tavern. Once inside their room, Eriana turned and glared at Zevran who was lounging lazily on the bed, his armor already off and a smug smirk painting his face. "You, Master Arainai, are evil, I hope you know that."_

_He grinned and pulled her to him, pulling the cloak from her shoulders and allowing it to pool on the floor around her feet. "And you, my dear Wolf are delicious," he whispered in her ear as his hands made quick work of the rest of her armor. "Just watching you as you stole through the shadows was simply delectable; I can see my lessons have not been in vain."_

_She chuckled and crawled onto his lap, kneeling on either side of his thighs. "Oh, don't call me that; I absolutely hate that name, The Dark Wolf. It's just so masculine." She sighed, "It's just like humans to assume that a man pulled these jobs off."_

"_Um, technically, a man did; I am a man, am I not?"_

_Eriana laughed and pushed him back onto the bed and stretched her body out on top of him, "You know what I mean. Anyway, I don't feel like talking about them anymore."_

_Zevran raised a delicate eyebrow, "Oh, really now? So what do you feel like doing, my wolfling?"_

_She ran a hand down the front of his trousers and deftly began undoing the laces. "The same thing it seems you feel like doing, I'd say."_

"_Ah, you need only command, mia cara; though I do ask we keep he clawing and biting to a minimum, no reason to mar perfection."_

"_Zevran," she whispered, looking down at him._

"_Hum?"_

"_Shut up," _

_He chuckled and quickly shifted their weight so that he was the one on top. Expert hands began working their way down her body, over her breasts, across her flat stomach, and finally between her legs. She gasped and arched against him as he gently eased one callused finger inside her as he began to softly kiss the inside of her thigh. A second finger joined the first and he began to move them in and out while stroking her steadily with his thumb. "Oh sweet Maker," she gasped as his lips moved from her leg, and he began kissing and caressing her core with his very talented tongue. Her hips began to buckle against him, and he chuckled, sending a new wave of vibrations through her body that pushed her over the edge._

"_I don't believe this is the work of the Maker, my dear," Zevran whispered as he kissed her, positioning himself between her legs. The taste of herself was warm and sweet on Zevran's lips as he hungrily devoured her mouth. Eriana reached down, stroking his and positioning him at her entrance, rocking her hips forward to meet him… _

"Commander, Commander," Varel was saying, "are you still with us, my Lady?"

"What?" Eriana said, suddenly jarred from her memory. "Oh, sorry, yes, I just got a bit distracted, long day." She glanced over at Nathaniel who was looking at her with a questioning look on his face.

"I was asking you what course of action you think we should take with these conspirators."

"Oh, right, set up a meeting with this Dark Wolf; I'd like to see what he has to say. We will be in Amaranthine in two days, arrange a meeting with him later that afternoon. Nathaniel and I will talk with him." The men nodded, and Eriana excused herself, claiming she needed to retire. Nathaniel followed close behind her.

"Ana, are you alright; you seemed a little distracted back there. Is something the matter?"

"I'm fine, Nathaniel; I guess I'm just getting a bit tired. It's been a long day, and I could use some sleep. Be ready to head into Amaranthine in a few days." She turned and looked up at him. "Don't worry, Nathaniel, we'll figure this out."

Nathaniel patted her on the shoulder, "I know, and we won't let anything happen to you."

Eriana smiled up at him and wished him goodnight before heading into her room. The moment the door shut behind her, she closed her eyes and leaned back against the door. Zevran…Zevran was here…in Amaranthine. He hadn't disappeared into Antiva like she thought; it had all been a rouse to get the Crows off her back. It couldn't be a coincidence that she was in danger and someone called the Dark Wolf, the name they had used during the Blight, had offered his assistance. It was a sign; he was letting her know that he was here and that he wanted to meet with her. He hadn't left her after all, and she would be seeing him again, soon. Her heart sang at the thought; she would be in his arms again before the week was out. They would be together again, and all this hurt and pain, these feelings of emptiness, they would all be things of the past. She would be whole once more. They would be whole once more.

For the first time in over a month, Eriana slept peacefully, content in the knowledge she wouldn't be alone much longer.

_

* * *

_

Okay, so I bumped up the rating for this one. It's my first attempt at anything remotely smutty, so bear with me. I wanted to include the reunion with Keenan's wife and the meeting with the Wolf in this one, but that would have made it far too long. So next time, my friends.

_Thank you to those of you who have been reading and reviewing. Eva and Fairy, I appreciate your reviews more than you can realize. Crystalskytiger, thanks for the add._

_Just a question to those of you who have stories out there now, are your stories registering hits because for some reason mine haven't been. According to my stats, no one read my last chapter (yet I got reviews for it). Strange, anyway, enjoy!_


	15. Chapter 15

Nathaniel couldn't help but be confused by his Commander's less than typical behavior. True, Eriana had always smiled and occasionally laughed at the jokes Oghren and Anders were constantly cracking and had always allowed herself to be pulled into their playful banter, but in reality, her heart had never seemed to be completely in it. No matter how many times Oghern would tease her or Anders would make her laugh or smile, that smile always seemed to be shallow, as if it was a thin paper mask, desperately trying to cover what was really there, hidden just beneath the surface. And never once did those smiles ever reach her eyes. Nathaniel knew smiles like those, knew them quite well in fact. They were his mother's smiles, the smiles she would show to the other nobles when they could come to visit Vigil's Keep, the smiles she would show to his younger siblings after his father's nastier nature turned its ugly head, the smiles that tried so desperately to hide just how miserable she really was. Nathaniel had come to recognize those smiles easily, and though they were usually enough to fool his younger siblings, he was never fooled. His mother had always been good at hiding her pain from most people, but she was never able to hide it from Nathaniel's keen and discerning eyes. And like his mother, Eriana was never able to hide the fact that she was hurting.

He was somewhat familiar with the source of Eriana's pain; after all, he had been with her when the older mage had questioned her about Zevran's absence. He had never gotten the whole story, though, of how and why her assassin had left, but he was fine with that. If she felt it was necessary for him to know, she would have told him. That was why the sudden change in her attitude was so confusing to him, nothing had really changed for her, yet she actually seemed happy. For the first time since he had first met her, her laughter seemed genuine and unrestrained; her smiles lit up her entire face and there was no shadow of the hurt that had been lingering for so long behind her eyes. Not only that, she seemed to tremble with energy like she was anticipating something. She reminded him of the way Thomas would act when he was young the day before the Winter Solstice celebrations, jittery with energy, full of hope and excitement. It was good to see her like this, genuinely happy, the old traces of her melancholy gone, but he was confused by what might have been the catalyst for the change in her.

Nathaniel spared a glance to the mage who was walking beside him sporting a smug, slightly knowing smirk on his face. He remembered that the assassin mentioning something the other night about having seen the two of them together, but Eriana had never really explained what that had meant. Was Anders responsible for this sudden upturn in her mood? Surely not, the overly-flirty apostate just didn't seem her type…or was he? Nathaniel glanced back at Anders again, whose attention was fully fixed on the elven woman in front of them, the annoying grin still plastered on his face.

"Okay, okay, Commander," Oghren's gruff voice barked, pulling Nathaniel from this thoughts, "now I know something strange is going on. You've been as giddy as a prepubescent dwarf who's just beheaded his first genlock. And now I hear you say you wished we had more horses. More horses?"

Eriana giggled, "Yes, this trip is taking forever. A few horses would really speed things up."

Oghren glanced up at her, "But you hate horses."

"No, I hate riding horses. The horses themselves I like just fine. Besides, if we had a few horses, we could use those wagons we have stored back at the keep; it would make trade with the city much easier."

"Humm," grunted Oghren, evidently unconvinced by her explanation. "So why are you so all-fired excited to get to Amaranthine all of a sudden? And don't say that you aren't because I know you better than that. Something is going on, and I want to know what."

Eriana smiled, "Nothing is going on; I'm just glad to be out of the Keep, that's all. The fresh air and being on the road again is nice."

"Yet you want to speed up the trip with horses. Nah, I'm not buying it; there's more to it than just that," Oghren said, shaking a finger up at her. "And even if you don't tell me, I'll figure it out. You can't pull one over on ole Oghren."

Eriana gave the dwarf a slight nudge, but turned away, saying nothing. Well, if Oghren notices a change then he definitely wasn't imagining things, Nathaniel realized. She was acting differently, and apparently there was something in Amaranthine that was responsible for that. Nathaniel smiled slightly to himself. He wasn't sure exactly what had brought about this change in her, but he hoped, for her sake, that it lasted.

* * *

The party made their way into Amaranthine with little trouble. Keenan, who was clearly eager to see his wife again, suggested that they start looking for her at the local tavern and inn, the Crown and Lion; he told them that his wife had been staying there while they looked for a home to buy. Nathaniel, who knew the city better than the rest, lead the group through the bustling market place to the inn. Eriana was happy for Keenan; after all, who knew better than she what it was like to be separated from the one you love? She had hoped that both of them would have a happy reunion today, but neither she nor Keenan was prepared for what they found at the inn.

Keenan stood in front of the door, shifting nervously as he waited for Nida to answer, and the fact that it was taking a bit longer than usual was obviously making the young Warden more nervous. Then a small, dark-headed woman answered the door. The moment she saw Keenan, though, the color drained from her face, but he was too distracted to notice. "Nida," he said, pulling her into a tight embrace. "You have no idea how much I've missed you."

The young woman started to stammer in response when a man appeared in the doorway behind her. "Darling," he said, "who is this?"

Keenan dropped his arms and stepped back as if he had been struck; he glared at the man who was standing in his wife's room. "Who am I?" he said, looking from his wife to the man behind her. "I'm your darling's husband."

The man paled slightly, "The Warden?" Keenan nodded, crossing his arms to regard the man. Eriana noticed the man's eyes flicker to the massive two-handed sword strapped to Keenan's back before he turned his gaze first to Oghren, who was casually leaning on his massive ax, then to Nathaniel and Anders, who were both standing behind Keenan, arms crossed, and finally to Eriana herself. "Um, well, I guess I should let you two…well, talk." He almost reached out toward Nida but thought better of it when he saw the hard expression on Keenan's face. "I'll be downstairs," he stuttered before scrambling past them and heading for the stairs.

"Nida," Keenan said, throwing his hands up, "how could you? I've been missing for less than a month, and I come home to find you already in another man's arms? Did I really mean so little to you?"

She stepped up to him, and tried to touch his arm, but Keenan jerked back, just out of her reach. "Of course not, Keenan, when I got news of what happened at the Keep I was just devastated."

"Oh, well, that's obvious," Keenan spat bitterly.

Eriana glanced back at the other Wardens and whispered, "Come on; let's give them some privacy."

"No, Commander," Keenan said, putting out a hand to stop her, "I think I'd like you to hear this." He turned back to his wife, "So tell me, Nida, how long did you wait before falling into another man's bed; two, three days, or did you manage to make it a full week? Did you even bother coming to the Keep to see if I was alive?"

"How could you be, Keenan? When we heard what happened, that everyone had been killed, we just assumed…"

"We?" Keenan shouted, "We? What is this we?" Nida's face fell, and she suddenly found the ground very interesting. "Maker's Breath, you were already screwing him, weren't you?" Nida still didn't say anything, and, in Eriana's book, her silence was as good as a confession. "You were, Andraste's ashes, you sodding whore! I can't believe this; I pick up and move here, trying my best to give you a better life, and how do you repay me? You screw the first guy you meet."

Nida's eyes flamed in anger, "Don't even pretend you did any of this for me, Keenan. You ran off and joined the Grey Wardens without even considering my feelings on the matter; then you drag me here so you can work with the famed Hero of Ferelden. You know I'm not good on my own; I got lonely, and Phil was there for me while you were off seeking fame and glory with the Grey Wardens."

Keenan growled, "I many times do I have to tell you; I didn't have a choice about in that matter, but you had a choice and you chose to betray me." He threw up his hands, "You know, I can't even look at you anymore. And to think, the only thing that kept me going for the past three weeks was the thought coming home to you. Some homecoming this has been." He pulled the ring off his finger. "Here," he said as the threw the gold band back at her, "I don't need it anymore." Then he stormed off down the stairs, leaving a stunned Nida behind him.

Eriana motioned for the other Wardens to follow him downstairs. "I need to talk to Mrs. Nida here; I'll join you in a moment," she whispered quietly to them and waited for them to leave before turning to face the young woman. "What in Thedas do you think you're doing?"

The woman's eyes narrowed as she looked down at the elven woman, "Excuse me?"

"Do you realize what you just let walk away?" Eriana said, as she pointed toward the stairs where Keenan had fled, "You just sent away a man who loved you with every fiber of his being. Do you have any idea how rare that is?"

"Oh, don't act like you know me."

"No, I don't know you, but I know Keenan. And I know that when I found him, the only thing he could think about was you. The man spent three weeks being tortured and beaten by the darkspawn who imprisoned him, and all he wanted to do was see you again. The thought of you, knowing that you were here, waiting for him, was the only thing that kept him going. You would be a fool to let that kind of devotion just walk away."

"And who are you to judge me?"

"His commanding officer, for one; another Warden who joined the order against her will for another; and some who has known real love. Real love isn't something you throw away so casually. It's too special to treat so casually."

Nida scowled down at her, "Well, forgive me if I don't take advice from you; it seems to me you're a teensy bit biased."

"Probably, and that's probably because I think Keenan is too good a man for the likes of you. But, he loves you, and even though I don't necessarily think you're worthy of his affections, it doesn't change the fact that you would make him happy." Eriana stepped up to her and looked Nida. "You don't realize what a rare thing you have, and I'm warning you, you may come to regret this."

Eriana turned to go find her Wardens, but stopped and turned back toward the young woman. "Nida, our life isn't easy, not by a long shot, but we serve a noble purpose. We sacrifice a lot to protect humanity from a great evil. We don't have much, but our lives are a lot easier when we know there's someone back home who cares; it puts a human face to those nameless masses that we're trying to protect. I'm not saying you have to do anything; I just want you to think about what you're giving up and consider if that man is worth the cost."

Eriana turned and made her way down into the tavern and found her Wardens surrounding Keenan, who was sitting in a corner stall, a half-empty tankard in front of him, his head cradled in his hands. "I knew she was unhappy, but I never thought she would sink this low. It is just so unlike her," he muttered, grabbing his drink and finishing it in a single gulp. Eriana sighed and slid into the seat beside him.

"Keenan, I am so sorry," she said, taking his hand.

He shook his head, "I should have done more; I mean, if I had stayed in Orlais, then maybe…"

"Keenan, there was no way you could have known just how unhappy she was because she wasn't honest about it. You can't change what you don't know." She took his chin and turned his face toward hers. "You are a good man, Keenan, don't ever doubt that. You did everything you could to take a bad situation and make the best of it, and you deserve better than this. Don't blame yourself. You didn't drive her away; she made the choice to cheat."

"I just can't help but wonder…"

"Well don't," Oghren said, slapping the young man on the shoulder. "Take it from someone who's been there. You will drive yourself crazy second guessing every little decision you made concerning her, but in the end, there was nothing really you could do. Women who are willing to cheat will always find a reason to."

"Listen, Keenan, why don't you head back to the Keep for a while? You need some time," Eriana said.

"No, Commander, I couldn't," he said, half-heartedly.

"Nah, I think it would do you some good to get out of here. In fact, Oghern and Anders, why don't you guys head back with him? Nathaniel and I can stay here and take care of some things, and we'll meet the two of you back here in the morning. "

Keenan looked up at her, "You don't mind."

"Of course not. Keenan, we're here for you; you're not alone in this. Besides, Oghren's private stash is much better than anything they've got here. You hold down the fort, and when we all get back, we'll all get good and drunk."

Keenan smiled weakly and thanked her before grabbing his things and making for the door. As they walked away, Eriana grabbed Oghren's arm. "Take care of him." Oghren smiled. "I'm on it, Kid; he's in good hands," he said as he headed for the door.

Once they were alone, Eriana sighed and looked up at Nathaniel, "Do you think he'll be alright?"

"He's a strong one; I'm sure he'll be fine. And if anyone can cheer him up, it's those two," Nathaniel said. "Now, what do you say we get some lunch before we try to find those smugglers?"

* * *

The two rogues ate their lunch quickly, and, much to Nathaniel's surprise, Eriana finished her entire meal, another odd change in her behavior. For as long as he had known her, the elf had always picked at her food, and he had never once seen her eat an entire meal. Perhaps her improved mood had somehow improved her appetite as well. As soon as they finished, they made their way to the gates to speak with Constable Aidan to see if there was any new information about the smuggling ring. Aidan informed the Wardens that the new elves who had joined the Amaranthine Guard had observed an increase of activity around an abandoned house just beyond the city gates. Eriana wanted to investigate immediately, but Nathaniel disagreed. He pointed out that if it was the smuggling base, then they would likely need Oghern and Anders with them to investigate properly as neither of them was what he'd call a heavy-hitter. Grudgingly, Eriana agreed and decided to wait, so the two of them spent the rest of the afternoon strolling through the marketplace, browsing the wares of the local merchants while waiting for the meeting with the Dark Wolf.

"So, Commander, do you think we'll really be able to trust this Dark Wolf? I mean, going with an outsider doesn't really seem your normal style; you're more of a take charge yourself kind of girl," Nathaniel pointed out as they made their way to meeting point. "You haven't even told Anders and Oghren that the nobles are out to kill you."

Eriana sighed, but didn't meet his eye, "I don't know, Nate; I just have a feeling about this one. Besides, it never hurts to just talk to him, you know, see what he has to offer."

Nathaniel glanced down at her; there was something going on here that she wasn't telling him, but he didn't really have time to figure it out. As soon as they arrived at the meeting sight, a tall man in full armor stepped out of the shadows in front of them. Nathaniel felt Eriana freeze beside him and saw her face suddenly tense up; the smile that had been there all day was suddenly gone, replaced by a look of disappointment and what might have been panic. Her reaction startled Nathaniel, so instinctively, he stepped between her and the helmed man, sweeping her behind him with a sudden move of his arm.

"Don't worry, Commander, Warden, I mean you no harm. It's an honor to meet you," the man said in a deep gravelly voice.

Eriana put a hand on Nathaniel's arm and stepped out from behind him. "Dark Wolf?" she asked, her eyes cautiously scanning the shadows. Nathaniel kept one hand on her, his free hand instinctively reaching for his hip where he wore his dagger.

The man nodded and gave a little bow. "In the flesh. I am sorry for the cloak and dagger routine, the less you know of me, though, the better. I have heard murmurings throughout the city. It seems, dear Warden, that your nobles want you dead; your presence here suggests that this doesn't come as a surprise."

"No," Eriana said, "it's not a surprise, but, I have to say, you are a bit of a surprise. Forgive me for saying this, but you don't exactly look the part of a spy and information broker."

"Don't let my appearance fool you; this is merely a rouse to allow me to move through the city undetected."

Eriana nodded, and Nathaniel noticed that her entire demeanor had changed in a matter of a few seconds. This Dark Wolf was obviously not what she had expected. He turned and gave the man a second look, "So, why would you want to help us?"

"I have hope that the Grey Wardens will prove to be more effective leaders than your father was," the Wolf said, glancing briefly at Howe. "I have to say, Commander, your choice of companions is rather surprising to me seeing as how his father's confederates are likely the main conspirators against you."

Nathaniel growled and stepped forward trying to ignore the red haze that suddenly clouded his eyes, "I am not my father, and you would do well to realize that. I have no hand in anything that would bring harm to my Commander; in fact, I am here, right now, working to make sure that very thing doesn't happen."

Eriana's hand lightly touched his arm, and Nathaniel allowed himself to be pulled back to her side. "I trust Nathaniel, ser Wolf," she said, glancing up and giving him a weak smile before turning back to the spy. "You mentioned the conspirators; do you happen to have any names?"

The Wolf shook his head, "I'm afraid not; these things take time and…resources, fifty sovereigns."

"Ah, so there it is, Commander, he is out for money."

"Nate," she whispered up at him. "That is a good deal of money, ser; how do I know I can trust you? You claim to be the Dark Wolf; are you the same one who worked in Denerim last year, the one responsible for stealing Andraste's tears and Loghain's crown."

The Wolf chuckled, "You seem very familiar with my past crimes."

"Well, I should be; after all, I'm the one who committed them." Nathaniel blinked in surprise and glanced down to where she stood beside him, her arms crossed, glaring up at the armored man defiantly.

"Ah, I should have known. Well, that would explain why you are so hesitant to trust me. I was in Denerim during the blight and heard tales of your exploits; then things got quiet. I assumed that the Wolf had been killed during the Battle of Denerim, so I decided to take the name and use it." He shrugged, "It was easier than creating a whole new identity."

"So you show up here, using my name, demanding fifty sovereigns, and you expect me to trust you."

The Wolf shrugged, "I suppose it is asking a great deal, but every day you delay, Commander, the noose grows tighter around your neck." Nathaniel's eyes narrowed as the veiled threat and moved once again to position himself between Eriana and the nameless man, but again, her gentle but firm hand stopped him. "I'll tell you what; as payment for allowing me to continue to use your name, I will do this job for half the price. Hopefully, this will be the first of many business dealings between us." He tilted his head and looked down at her. "Do we have a deal?" he asked, extending a hand toward her.

Eriana looked at his hand for a moment. "Okay, twenty-five sovereigns; you've got a deal," she said, shaking the man's hand. "Send word to the Keep when you have the names of the conspirators." And with that, Eriana spun around and headed for the inn so quickly that Nathaniel had to exert a bit of effort to keep up. For whatever reason, the elf seemed eager to put as much space between her and the Dark Wolf as possible.

He finally caught up to her as she was making her way up the stairs in the inn. "Eriana, hey wait," he said, catching her arm. "Hey, talk to me here; something obviously happened back there that I missed. What's wrong?"

The elf turned toward him, the sad, haunting look back in her eyes. "Nothing, it's just…I guess I was expecting someone…something else…I don't know. I…I just need to be alone."

Nathaniel looked down at her, not quite ready to release her arm, "Are you sure because it looks like you could use some company. Why don't I go and get us some dinner, and you can fill me in on what I'm missing."

Eriana shook her head. "No, Nathaniel, I'm not hungry…just leave me alone, alright," she said softly before pulling her arm away and disappearing into her room. Nathaniel sighed but realized that there was nothing he could do as long as she kept pushing him away. All he could do was be there for her if and when she finally decided she needed him.

* * *

Eriana managed to hold herself together through the conversation with the phony Dark Wolf, but it was difficult, holding back the ebbing tide of emotion that was threatening to overwhelm her when she finally realized that Zevran was, in fact, not there. She tried hard to focus on the problem at hand, to conduct business as usual, ignoring the fact that it felt like an ogre had punched her square in the chest. What were the odds that she would be contacted by someone who had taken the alias that she and Zevran had used? She had never once considered the fact that the Wolf might not be Zevran. She genuinely believed that she would be seeing him that they would be together, and that the past month where she had been in so much pain would be a distant memory.

So when it turned out to be a stranger behind her name, it had felt like she was back in Highever and had lost him all over again. No, it was worse than that; in Highever, she had a vague feeling that he was planning something like that. Deep down, she had known what he was thinking, even though she had denied it. But today, today she had anticipated his return, convinced herself that he still cared for her, that he was still there looking out for her, so the fact that he wasn't was absolutely devastating to her, crushing her spirit completely.

Nathaniel, Maker bless Nathaniel, he had tried so hard to help, to understand. He wanted more than anything to help her, but Eriana just couldn't bring herself to talk about it, the pain was just too raw, the hurt too deep to even think about, much less talk about. So she had blown him off, escaping to her room and sealing herself off just before the flood of tears began.

The moment the door closed behind her, Eriana completely broke down, clutching her stomach and sliding down the door as she sobbed uncontrollably, allowing the pain to fully consume her. She wasn't sure how long she stayed there, crying huddled against the door, but suddenly her stomach, still heavy with the full lunch she had eaten earlier that day, began to churn, and she was forced to run for the chamber pot. Bile rose up in her throat, and she violently voided whatever was left in her stomach. She stayed there for several minutes, curled up on the cool floor as the waves of nausea passed. Once the wave of sickness was over, Eriana struggled to her feet, wishing she still felt sick; at least when she felt sick, she couldn't concentrate on how much she was hurting, on how empty she felt inside.

There was no way she was spending the entire night wallowing in this pain; she had to stop it, somehow. Then Eriana remembered the bottle of Orlesian whiskey she had found in the market earlier that day. She'd bought it with the intention of giving it to Oghren, but he'd never miss it she mused as she downed a long drink straight from the bottle. The bitter liquid burned down the back of her throat and settled heavy in her tender, empty stomach, but she didn't care. Quickly she threw back a second drink then a third, waiting impatiently for the effects of the liquor to set in. She wasn't usually a heavy drinker; in fact, she could count on one hand the number of times she'd actually been drunk. But tonight she just needed to be numb. She just couldn't bear the pain any longer, so she just kept drinking until the warm feeling of alcohol in her blood started to course through her, until she lost herself in the void, until the pain was a fuzzy thing of the past.

Stumbling across the room, she managed to find her way to the bed and was just able to pull the covers over herself before falling head-long into a deep and restless sleep.

Sometime later, there was no way to tell just how much later, Eriana heard the door to her room open then close gently, but she was unable to quite summon the strength or the will to open her eyes to see who it was. In the foggy recesses of her mind, she realized that she could be in danger, but her whiskey addled brain simply wasn't responding to the threat. Soft footsteps crossed the room and paused for a moment beside her bed. Then she felt the blankets lift and someone slid into the bed beside her. She rolled over and opened her eyes and found herself looking up into familiar honey colored eyes.

"Zevran?"

_

* * *

_

Wow, the response to that last chapter…I'm overwhelmed. Thank you all so much for your support. I'm going to be bumping the rating up to M on the next chapter, so if you want to keep following, I guess you'll need to adjust the settings if you want to keep following.

_So, again, a special thank you to my reviewers: Jen4306, Danyal, CyderJenn, Zeeji, Eva Galanda, Warrose, Judy, and Fairy. Luv you guys, thanks for the support!_


	16. Chapter 16

Nathaniel spent the remainder of the evening alone in the tavern, sitting in the shadows as he watched the patrons of the inn and bar come and go. Keenan's wife and her lover had come and gone a few times, oblivious to the watchful eyes of the Warden who sat tucked away in a small corner booth. Several other customers, some that he recognized from his childhood, some who had been acquaintances of his parents, came and went during the course of the evening, but none of them even noticed Nathaniel. In fact, the only person in the bar who seemed remotely aware of his presence was the young tavern maid who brought his drinks and dinner, but Nathaniel preferred it that way. He wasn't there to socialize anyway. The only person in the city he had any desire to see was Delilah, but visiting her meant leaving Eriana alone, and deep down, he know that wasn't a good idea, not tonight anyway. He felt bad enough about allowing her to retreat to her room alone, but she had insisted, pushing him away and refusing his company. If she wanted to be alone, who was he to intrude? But leaving her completely alone, in the volatile state she was in, Nathaniel had a feeling that that simply wouldn't be a wise decision. She had looked like she was on the verge of a breakdown when she disappeared into her room earlier that evening. The encounter with the Dark Wolf seemed to have shaken her for reasons he couldn't even begin to comprehend, and though she hadn't explained the situation to him, he had a gut feeling that somehow it all came back to Zevran. So he had spent the evening there, close enough to his commander that he could be there if she needed him, but far enough away to give her the distance she seemed to need.

As the bustle of the tavern began to quiet down and the patrons began to make their way home or up to their rooms, Nathaniel decided it was time for him to turn in. Leaving some silver on the table, the young rogue disappeared up the stairs to the room Eriana had gotten for him. He paused briefly for a moment at her door, listening carefully for any signs of distress, but all was quiet inside. After giving the door handle a quick test, making sure sure she had remembered to lock it, Nathaniel made his way into his room, the one right beside hers. He tucked his weapons carefully away beside his bed, just within arm's reach, before crawling into bed and falling asleep.

-0-

Eriana's eye's fluttered open, and it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dim light of the room, so she wasn't completely sure what she was actually seeing. Warm, honeyed eyes stared down at her, as a tender, but callused hand gently caressed the curves of her face. "Zevran?" she asked softly, as her trembling hand reached up to trace the tattoos on his cheek. He smiled and nodded as he turned his head slightly, cradling her hand in his as he began lightly kissing the soft skin of her wrist. "But how did you…where were…but I thought you…Oh, Zev, I've missed you so much," she said, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him close, savoring the warm, familiar smell of leather and the comforting feel of his body against hers.

Zevran chuckled lightly in her ear as his lips danced down her jaw line before finding her lips and capturing them in a long sensual kiss. His tongue lightly traced her bottom lip before making its way into her open and willing mouth. Their tongues danced over each other as her fingers knotted in his long, silky hair. "Mi amora," he whispered to her, after breaking the long kiss, but without taking his lips from her soft skin. "How could I ever leave you, leave this? Don't you know me at all?"

She pulled back and looked up at him. "But you left; I mean, you left me without even saying good bye. I woke up and you were gone, and all that you had left behind was a note, with some lame excuse about leaving because of the Crows. Why did you do that? How could you do that to me?" she said, her voice rising.

"Shh," Zevran said, putting a finger to her lips as he looked lovingly down at her, "I know I hurt you, amora, but please, allow me to explain. When the Crows attacked, I knew had to lead them away from you, so I let you believe that I had left for Antiva. Instead, I came here so that I could watch over you while you dealt with these darkspawn problems. I had intended to stay away just long enough for the Crows to believe that I was really gone. That was until I heard rumors that your nobles were planning to kill you, and I knew I had to contact you. That's why I sent the invitation from the Dark Wolf."

"Wait, that was you," she said, suddenly confused. "But, I met with the Dark Wolf, and you weren't there. I went thinking it would be you, but it wasn't."

Zevran smiled down at her, "I couldn't just blow my cover, now could I, showing myself so brazenly in the city. Had you been alone, perhaps, but I couldn't risk it. So, I hired that man to work with me as the Dark Wolf so that I could remain hidden, but when I saw your reaction, I had to come, I had to see you, to let you know I was still here."

"So you never left me?"

Zevran lightly kissed her lips, "No, mi amora, I never left; how could I leave you after all that we have been through, after all you've done for me? I did what I had to in order to protect you, to keep the Crows away from you. It tore me apart to deceive you as I did, to leave you, but the Crows had to believe that I had left for Antiva and that meant lying to you. But I never left you, my love, and I never will."

"But the Crows?"

"We will worry about them later; once all this is over, we will go to Antiva together and deal with them."

Eriana smiled up at him, her Zevran, her lover, her life, "You mean it? You're not going to leave me again?"

"Never, my beautiful Warden; I'm afraid you're quite stuck with me," Zevran said, wrapping his arms around her, turning them so that she was resting on his chest. "Can you ever forgive me for hurting you as I did?"

"As long as you don't leave me again," she said, running her fingers through his long, blonde hair.

He took her head and pulled her face down to his, "I don't plan to." He captured her mouth in his, and all the tension she had been feeling for the past month evaporated. She felt his hands move gently down her back as his nimble fingers found the hem of her tunic. Somehow, in one fluid move, Zevran pulled off her shirt and moved so that he was back on top of her, his hands tracing her curves as his mouth hungrily devoured hers. Eriana's hips thrust up, grinding against growing hardness in his trousers, eliciting a low moan from him.

"Patience, mi amora," he whispered to her as he began making his way down her body with his lips. Taking her breasts, he gently massaged them, his callused fingers making her shiver with anticipation. Then his lips and tongue joined his fingers, and it was Eriana's turn to moan as his tongue joined in, gently caressing her exposed nipple. Her moan quickly turned into a gasp of pain when he began to nip the smooth, sensitive skin of her stomach. He chucked softly as he began to alternate between kissing, suckling, and biting her warm skin, leaving a small red mark behind. A warm, familiar feeling began to stir in Eriana's stomach as Zevran's lips began to move lower, his hands reaching between her legs, gently pushing them apart. She couldn't take it any longer.

"Zev," she breathed his name, taking his head in her hands and guiding his face up to meet hers. "Forget patience. We will have all the time in the world for this later, but right now, I need you. I've been without you for so long; I just need you, now."

Zevran smiled down at her. "Are you quite sure?" he asked as he hooked his thumbs on the waistband of her trousers. "Well, my Lady needs only to command," he said, and with one smooth motion he pulled the rest of her clothes off, tossing them on the floor beside the bed. His trousers and smalls soon followed, and Eriana groaned in anticipation when she felt his length brush against her thigh as he settled back between her legs. She eagerly wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him close and drawing him close to her entrance. Zevran grinned and kissed her softly before gently easing into her. Eriana's head fell back as she simply savored to warm, familiar feeling of having him inside her, part of her again. Zevran smiled and took advantage of her exposed neck, his lips moving over her warm, tan skin; Maker how she had missed the feel of his lips. She had to summon all her discipline to fight the urge to move too quickly; the last thing she wanted was for this to be over soon. She just needed to feel him inside of her again, to smell the familiar musky sent of him, to feel his body entwined with hers. Slowly she began to move her hips against him, and he joined eagerly, whispering to her softly in Antivan as he gradually began to bring her to the peak of pleasure.

As the fire inside her began to build, Zevran shifted, sitting up and pulling her with him so that her back rested on his legs, his hands firmly holding her hips, keeping her pinned to the bed as he entered her completely. Eriana bit her lip as she felt the warmth beginning to build in her stomach, spreading slowly over her entire body; then he reached between them and began to stroke her nub in time with his thrusts, and she tumbled over the edge.

Wave after wave of pleasure washed over her and she closed her eyes, reveling in the sensation of finally being whole again. All the pain and heartache was suddenly a thing of the past, washed away by the ecstasy of sweet release. "Sweet Maker, oh, I love you, you're amazing…" she gasped, pulling Zevran down into another kiss.

"Commander, you have no idea how long I have waited for you to say that."

"Commander? Why is he calling me Commander?" Eriana's slightly idled brain wondered. She opened her eyes to look up at her assassin and her stomach gave a sudden lurch when she realized it was not Zevran's honey colored eyes she was looking into, but the warm chocolate eyes of Anders that were looking down at her.

Frightened and confused, she desperately tried to push him away begging him to stop, but it was as if all her strength was suddenly and unexplainably gone as the mage continued to make love to her. It was as if she had suddenly lost all control of her body as Anders strong, but loving hands held her down. He moaned her name one final time before collapsing on top of her, pinning her body to the bed. Frantically, Eriana looked around the room, trying hard to figure out what was going on. There, across the room, stood Zevran, leaning casually against the door dressed in his leather armor, his bag on his shoulder, watching them with a dark smile that clouded his perfect features. He simply stood there for a moment, taking in the scene with cool callousness before he turned as if he was going to leave. Suddenly, she was able to move again. "Wait," she called out, reaching out for him from beneath the exhausted mage, "please, don't go, don't leave me again."

Zevran turned back and looked at her, "And why not; what is there to keep me here in this dull, backwater country that smells of wet dog when my own lovely home land is calling me back to her? What do I have to hold me here?"

Eriana looked up at him, "Me, Zev, you have me, us."

"You? Ha, don't be ridiculous."

"Please, Zevran, what do you mean? I thought you were happy here; I thought you loved me."

"Love? Really, Warden, I thought you were smarter than that." Eriana's eyes narrowed in confusion. "Oh, you weren't, how sad," he said with a derisive laugh. "You truly believed I loved you, how quaint." He smiled down at her and shook his head. "I'm an assassin, Eriana; what could I ever know of love? I take my pleasures where I can find them; you know this. I told you as much when we first met, and yet, you allowed yourself believe I actually loved you. You convinced yourself that I was capable of love, that you had changed me." Zevran's eyes narrowed as he looked at her. "Well, I never changed, and I think, deep down, you always knew that."

"No, Zevran, no; that's not true. I know you loved me; all those times you said it, they couldn't all be lies."

Zevran chuckled, "And why would they not be, I'm a liar and a murder, after all. Yes, you were a pleasant diversion for a time, but that's all you were, a diversion, a temporary distraction. Don't get me wrong, you were a lovely distraction, a very pleasurable one, but a distraction all the same." He took a step toward her and looked down to where she lay. "Yes, we had our fun, and you were quite helpful in keeping the Crows off my back for a time. But that's over now; the Crows have returned, and so you are no longer useful."

"So it was a lie, then, all of it?" Eriana said, tears streaming down her cheeks. "You never loved me at all then?"

"Come now, you say that as if I was even capable of real love. You know that I am not. Why would you think that could suddenly change?"

"I just thought maybe you…but the earring. What about that? Those things you said."

"It's amazing how a sweet little story can make a mere bauble seem like something more important than it really was; in a way, it is kind of like you. Give you a title and sing your praises for a while, and suddenly you seem like more than some back-alley street rat; perhaps it's appropriate that you still wear that thing in your ear."

Eriana gasped as his words stung her to the very core. His insults echoed back every doubt, every fear, every insecurity she had ever had. Unbidden, her hand moved to her ear to trace the diamond solitaire that she wore there. He was right of course; she was a nobody, a nothing, a broken little elf who had managed to crawl out of the muck, but had never really managed to wash it all away. An unimportant, insignificant nobody, apparently even to Zevran. "So all this…all we ever had…"

"Was nothing," he finished for her, his eyes cool and harsh. "Besides, even if I ever was to allow myself to fall for someone, why would I settle for you, a diseased, blighted little tart when I could get a woman who could give me anything I desired? An cultured, educated Antivan woman, who isn't burdened with your particular limitations." His eyes narrowed as he laughed at her, "Face it, Eriana, you are weak; you are insignificant; and you are no longer worthy of me."

"No, please don't, Zevran, please.." she cried out, trying desperately to get to him, to stop him before he walked out of the room and out of her life again, but a taloned hand stopped her. Turning back, he found herself not looking up at Anders, but looking up at the diseased face of the Architect, his razor-sharp teach bared in a grim grin. Eriana began to thrash about, frantically trying to shake the darkspawn emissary off of her, still shouting desperate pleas to Zevran. Then the Architect simply chuckled as he lowered himself onto her.

Eriana started to scream.

-0-

In the room next door, Nathaniel sat straight up in bed, suddenly jarred from his sleep by the strange sounds coming from his Commander's room next door. For a moment, he thought he had heard Eriana crying for help and asking someone to stop, but it was muffled, so he couldn't be completely sure what he had heard. He waited for a little while, but didn't hear anything else. For a moment, he thought, perhaps he had been hearing things in his sleep, and for a while, all was silent. Then he heard Eriana gasp and heard her shout at someone to leave her alone.

That was all the conformation he needed. Nathaniel didn't think; he immediately grabbed his weapons and his lock picks and ran for the door, pulling his shirt over his head as he went. He was at her door in only a few heartbeats, his hands quickly working the lock, trying to get it open. The sounds of struggle on the other side of the door began to intensify; then he heard Eriana begin to scream in earnest, the sounds of her screams echoing down the silent hallways. Nathaniel heard shouts and the sounds of footsteps storming up the stairs just as the locking mechanism on the door gave way. He jerked the door open, flooding the room with light, and stormed inside, followed by a pair of guards who had come running up from the tavern.

His eyes carefully scanned the room, searching for signs of an attacker, but the only thing he saw was Eriana, thrashing violently on the bed, screaming in terror. Nathaniel sighed in relief and sheathed his weapons; signaling for the other men to wait by the door, he crossed the room and knelt by the bed, noticing the empty liquor bottle sitting on the night stand. He gently nudged her trying to wake her but to startle her too much, the last thing he wanted was to scare her and risk meeting the pointy end of her daggers that were certainly hidden close by. "Ana," he said, gently nudging her, "Ana, dear, I need you to wake up, please."

Eriana screamed once more before she shot straight up, her eyes wide open. Nathaniel reached for her, but she scrambled to the back corner of the bed, just out of reach, her eyes wild with terror. "Hey, hey, Ana, it's okay…you're okay. It's just me; it's just Nathaniel. I'm not going to hurt you."

"Nathaniel?" she whimpered, her voice shaking nearly as much as she seemed to be. "Is that really you?" Nathaniel nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed, holding his hands out in front of him in an expression he hoped was disarming. "Oh, Nathaniel," she whispered, throwing herself into his arms, crying and clinging to him. He hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around her and cradling the tiny elf to his chest. The smell of whiskey was strong around her.

"Ser," one of the men by the door said, poking his head in the door, "we'll be down stairs if you need us." Nathaniel nodded, and turned his full attention to the crying woman in his arms.

He wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, him sitting on the edge of her bed and her clinging to him, trying desperately to still her erratic breathing. "Darkspawn nightmare?" he asked, gently stroking her back and her hair.

She shook her head, tilting her head in a way that he found himself staring into her glistening blue eyes. "No, not really," she whispered. "This one was way more cruel than your average darkspawn nightmare." She sighed and rested her head against his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist and snuggling up beside him. He reached down to her upturned face and lightly brushed away the tears that still lingered on her cheeks.

"Well, would you like to talk about it?" he asked her. "It may make you feel better if you just get it out."

Eriana sat up and turned to look at him, "Are you sure? It's kind of a long story."

Nathaniel smiled and leaned back against the pillows, stretching his legs out in front of him on the bed, "I've got plenty of time, Eriana." He patted the bed beside him, "Here, talk." Eriana took a deep breath and crawled up to where he was sitting and leaned back against him, resting her head on his chest. Nathaniel's arms encircled the small woman as she began to talk. He listened as the whole story of her relationship with Zevran began to spill out. She told him how they met and eventually came to be together, how they worked under the pseudonym the Dark Wolf as they committed crimes during the Blight, how they had planned to marry once they reached Amaranthine, and how that had all fallen apart when he unexpectedly left for Antiva. Nathaniel nodded, listening carefully as the missing pieces of her life finally began to fall into place.

"So that was why you were so disappointed today when we met with the Dark Wolf; you were expecting Zevran to be there."

Eriana sighed and looked down, "Yes, but in my defense, it was a logical assumption to make; I mean, what else was I to think? I just got my hopes up." She turned over, curling up beneath Nathaniel's arm, resting her head on his chest. "I guess I believed that he still might love me, that he still cared." Nathaniel sighed and ran his hand up and down her smooth arm as she went on to tell him about her nightmare. He cringed as she began to cry again while she told him about her nightmare, explaining the cruel way Zevran had dismissed her so casually.

"Wow, I have to say, Ana, your dream Zevran is kind of mean."

Eriana chuckled, "No, that wasn't Zevran; he has never, ever said anything like that. Those were just my own worries, my own subconscious fears. Deep down, part of me thought that he used that Crow attack as an excuse to leave me because he didn't want to be with me any longer, that he felt trapped here with me and was eager to leave. And he was right, well, I was right. There are so many things I could never give him, things he may come to want eventually." She sighed, "He deserved someone better than me."

Nathaniel shook his head, "So where do you think he would be able to find someone better than you? Because, I think, that trying to top you would be a pretty tall order." Eriana tilted her head up to look at him. "I mean, let's see the list of things she'd have to be just to be even with you."

"Nathaniel…"

"No, no," he said, gently hushing her, "I'm thinking here. Well, first off, she'd have to be a national hero, one who saved the nation from civil war and an army of monsters, that shouldn't be too difficult to find. Next, she'd have to be compassionate and understanding with a willingness to help random strangers with trivial things. She'd have to possess a personality that compels everyone around her to want to protect her. She'd have to be funny, intelligent, and be able to talk to animals. And on top of all that, she'd have to be pretty." He glanced down at her, "Yeah, that about covers it."

Eriana looked up at him, new tears forming in her eyes. "Thank you," she whispered quietly before she started crying again, her face buried in his shirt.

Nathaniel pulled her close, holding her so tightly that she was nearly in his lap, allowing her to cry again. Once it seemed like she had calmed down, he tried to cheer her up. "I do have one question for you though, if you don't mind."

"No, of course," she said, wiping tears away, "anything, Nathaniel."

"Well, you said that half way through your dream, Zevran disappeared and you found yourself with Anders." Eriana glanced up at him and nodded. "Really?" he said with mock indignation. "Anders, really? Considering all the people you could dream of, you dream of Anders." Eriana glanced up at him again, like she was trying to decipher his expression. He gave her a sly grin, and she began to giggle, a genuine smile crossing her face.

"Aww, Nate, you aren't jealous are you?"

He grinned again, "Maybe, I mean, come on, your subconscious has to have better taste than that skirt wearing wannabe pirate." Eriana continued to laugh, burying her face in Nathaniel's shirt. "If anything, it should have been…"

"You?"

"I was thinking Oghren, actually."

Eriana laughed again, hitting him lightly in the chest, "No you weren't." She sighed, meeting his eye again. "Thank you, Nathaniel," she said, hugging him tightly. "You have no idea how much I needed this."

"Any time Eriana," he said, looking down at her. "Do you think you could get some sleep now?"

Eriana shook her head furiously. "No, I'm pretty sure I'd have another one of those dreams, and I honestly don't think I can handle it." She glanced up at him for a moment, nervously. "Nathaniel," she said softly, biting her lip, "I know this is probably totally inappropriate, and feel free to run away screaming once I ask this, but…" she took a deep breath before continuing, "do you think you could you say here tonight? It doesn't have to be anything, you know…well, you know; I just don't think I could bear waking up tomorrow alone."

Nathaniel looked down at her. She seemed so vulnerable, so broken, so desperate; he had never before seen this side of her. In a way, she had always seemed unshakable and strong, like nothing could ever break her. It was hard to see this side of her, to see what Zevran had reduced her to. He found himself getting angry at this man he had never met; how could he knowingly and intentionally hurt her in such a callous manner? She didn't deserve this; she deserved so much more.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to his side. "Of course, Ana." He brushed her hair back off her face, "Just let me run next door and tell that bar maid to go home for the evening."

Eriana grinned and shoved him off the bed. "I'll be right back," he said, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead as he went back to his room to secure his things. In the back of his mind, he wondered if this was such a wise idea, but he knew that she needed this, she needed him, and he would be there for her. Locking his door behind him, he made his way back into her room. Eriana was still sitting on the bed where he had left her, staring down at something that she was rolling around in her hand.

"What's that," he asked, getting into the bed beside her. She held out her hand, revealing the diamond earring that she usually wore in her left ear.

She looked down at it sadly. "It's nothing, I guess," she muttered, putting it back in her ear before crawling over to him. "This isn't going to be awkward; is it?"

Nathaniel didn't say anything. He merely turned down the bedside lamp and put his arms around her, pulling her close to his side. She sighed happily, and he felt her entire body relax as she snuggled up next to him, her head resting lightly on his chest. Nathaniel simply held her until she fell asleep, doing his best to drive away the dreams and fears that still threatened to haunt her. He couldn't make her pain go away, but he could make it less, if only for tonight. With that thought in his mind, Nathaniel, too, drifted off to sleep.

-0-

_Okay, so here it is, and I'm interested on what you all think about this one. Eriana has been barely holding it together, and I figured a letdown like this might just push her over the edge. And now, she has to head into the deeproads, poor girl doesn't get a break._

_Anyway, let me know what you all think. Thank you to Warrose, Judy, Eva Galanda, CyderJenn, and Danyal for your reviews!_


	17. Chapter 17

Eriana awoke the next morning with the sudden realization that she was not alone in her bed. Not only was there someone with her, but she was also laying on that someone's chest and his arms were definitely around her. Her initial urge was to scramble away as quickly as possible, but all her defensive instincts were quickly silenced by the warm sense of security she felt and maybe lingering effects of the booze. Yeah, the booze definitely made her less concerned about her safety. It was kind of nice, though, after all these weeks of waking up to a cold, empty bed, to wake up next to a warm body again, especially someone who had a warm, familiar smell. Leather, she was definitely smelling leather, but not Zevran's leather which smelled of warm spices and honey. No, this leather had a more earthy smell, like the forest just before it began to rain – pleasant, comforting, but distinctly different.

Zevran – the memories of the pervious day and night came rushing suddenly back. The Dark Wolf, the nightmare, the feelings of total rejection, they all came crashing into her like a tidal wave, and suddenly, all the warm, leather smell in the world couldn't make her feel any better. She sat up abruptly, regretting it instantly as her head began to pound with the lingering effects of last night's whiskey. Cradling her throbbing head in her hands, she muttered curses at the empty bottle on her night stand. It seemed her sudden movement had woken up her companion as well because whoever he was was handing her a glass of water, his hand resting gently on her shoulder. She downed it eagerly before giving it back to him and turning to see who it was that had spent the night with her in her bed.

"Nathaniel," she groaned, returning her head to her hands.

"Morning, Ana." He said, softly and compassionately. "Yeah, the morning after a night like that isn't always the most fun thing in the world, is it," he said softly, getting up to pour her another glass of water. "Here," he said, holding it out to her.

"Thanks," Eriana muttered, taking the glass in both hands and looking down at it. "Um, last night…it's all a bit fuzzy to me right now."

"Well, an entire bottle of whiskey tends to do that to you," he chuckled.

"Right…well, about that; we didn't…well, you know." She glanced up at him, nervously biting her bottom lip.

Nathaniel laughed, "No, no, no, nothing happened. Don't worry, My Lady, you're virtue is safe with me."

Eriana snorted, "My virtue, yeah right; believe me, Nate, that was never really in danger." She looked back down at the water in her hands. "So what did happen last night, anyway?"

"You had a nightmare. I heard you screaming all the way in the other room." Eriana cringed; she definitely remembered the nightmare. "You were really shaken up, and you didn't think you would be able to go back to sleep by yourself so I stayed."

"So, the nightmare, I didn't happen to say anything about it, did I? I mean, I didn't tell you about it, right?" Nathaniel grinned and nodded. "Uggh," Eriana groaned as she fell back on the bed and covered her face with her arms.

"What?" Nathaniel asked, looking down at her.

"Nothing, I'll just never be able to make eye contact with you around Anders again; that's all. And that should make fighting darkspawn together perfectly easy." She groaned as she rolled over. "Brilliant," she thought to herself, "now I just have to make an absolute arse of myself in front of Velanna, and I will have successfully lost the respect of every one of my Wardens."

Eriana flinched when Nathaniel put his hand on her on the back, "I'll never speak of it again if you won't." She glanced over her shoulder and up at him. "I blame it on the whiskey, really; you were at the mercy of the alcohol. Besides, I wouldn't dare risk bringing that up during a fight. You might get so distracted by all that blonde hair and that earring that you would find yourself completely unable to fight, and then where would we be?"

Eriana rolled her eyes, "No danger of that, trust me; it wasn't exactly a pleasant dream. He did turn into the Architect in the end after all. Kinda the last thing I need to be thinking about – ever."

"Now, see, you feel better already." Eriana wasn't quite sure about that; her head still felt like her brain was still trying to escape through her eye sockets. "Now, you get cleaned up, and I'll go get you some breakfast."

The mere thought of food made her stomach lurch. Warily, she looked up at him. "I don't think I could eat anything right now."

Nathaniel just laughed, "Trust me, your stomach will hate me, but the rest of you will thank me. I'll get you something bland, don't worry," he said as he headed for the door. He paused just before he walked out, "Eriana, I know that you're carrying a lot of pressure, and I know that you want to prove that you're strong enough to handle it by yourself." Eriana glanced up at him as he spoke. "I just wanted you to know that you don't have to do this alone. I'm here for you, and I won't think any less of you if need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to. No one should go through this alone, no matter how strong you are. Needing help doesn't make you weak." He smiled at her. "I just wanted to make sure you knew that."

Eriana nodded, "Thank you, Nathaniel. I…I appreciate it." Nathaniel nodded and left.

Once he was gone, Eriana flopped back down on the bed, curling up into a ball and holding her knees to her chest. Nathaniel's offer was sweet, but there were some things that he simply couldn't help with, like with this deep gnawing pain in her chest, this feeling of absolute rejection and abandonment, this feeling of betrayal. She felt herself spiraling out of control, but couldn't, for the life of her, quiet figure out how to make things right again. This was worse, far worse than the day he left, worse than waking up to that first empty bed because for a moment she had allowed herself to hope, and then it was all completely destroyed. Now she was left with the shattered remnants of another broken dream, and she wasn't sure that she had the strength to even try to start piecing herself back together again. The pain was just too much for her to bear. She sighed, "Yes, Nathaniel, you can shoulder some of my burden, but this pain is mine and mine alone, and I would give anything just to make it stop."

-0-

Oghren was so ready to be back in Amaranthine with Nathaniel and Eriana because if he had to spend another moment alone with Anders, he would probably take out the mage at the knees. In most circumstances, he really liked the mage. He was a fun guy to talk to and a hoot when he was drunk, but after four hours of hearing nothing but "Eriana this" and "Eriana that" and "Have you noticed how happy Eriana has been lately," Oghren was seriously about to snap. Ever since they left Eriana back in Amaranthine, Anders had been insinuating that he was the one responsible for the recent upturn in Eriana's mood, and it was obvious that he wanted Oghren to ask about it. But Oghren stubbornly refused to take the bait. Not that he cared, really, whether or not she was bonking the mage; he was on board with whatever made Eriana happy. He was just pretty sure that the human was mistaken in his assumption, and there was no way in Thedas that he would be able to keep from rubbing it in once the mage realized the truth if he participated in this particular conversation. So he just nodded in agreement and played it dumb for the duration of the walk from the Keep to the city, and it was really starting to grade on him.

Oghren hazarded a glance up at the mage. If there was a man among them who fit her type, it would definitely be Anders. He had a quality about him that was very Zevran-like in a lot of ways, from his long blonde hair to his confident swagger to the element of danger surrounding him. He definitely fit her tastes; that wasn't really the issue. He just knew Eriana, and she wasn't the type of woman who would throw herself into the arms of any man. After all, it had taken Zevran more than two months of focused effort to win her affections, so there was no way that Anders had won her over so quickly and easily, not when she was still reeling from Zevran's departure. No, there was something more going on, something that the mage definitely wasn't going to like.

So, after what seemed like forever, Oghren and Anders finally made it to the tavern where Nathaniel and Eriana had spent the evening. He instantly spotted Nathaniel, casually leaning against the bar, talking to the barkeep, but Eriana was a bit harder to find. As they approached Nathaniel, the rogue glanced up at them and nodded toward a booth where Eriana was sitting. Oghren knew instantly that her better mood was a thing of the past. She was slumped over in a booth, her buried in her arms. "Oi, Kido, what's going on," Oghren said as he made his way over to her.

She groaned but didn't lift her head. "Not so loud, Oghren, geez, does all of Amaranthine need to hear you."

Oghren chuckled, "Now, Ana, I've told you a million times, you don't need to be drinkin without my supervision. You just don't have the liver for it and ya hate yourself the next mornin."

Eriana glanced up at him, "Look, I'm not in the mood for you lectures, okay; it's been a long night." She glanced up at the mage and gestured toward her head, "Anders, can you do something about this?" The mage chuckled and shot a quick spell her way. Oghren watched as Eriana sighed and rubbed her temples before getting up and collecting her things. "Come on, boys, let's go kill some smuggles."

Thankfully, the smugglers' hideout posed very few problems for the experienced Grey Wardens. The criminals were completely taken by surprise and were totally unprepared to defend themselves properly. It wasn't even a real challenge; not that Oghren minded, exactly. In fact, it finally gave him a chance to really watch Eriana fight. Over the past few weeks, she had allowed Nathaniel to take over her old position as the primary archer of the group and started to rely heavily on her daggers, working in close combat alongside Oghren and filling the role Zevran played during the Blight. When he asked her about it, she merely pointed out that Nathaniel was a more skilled with archery while she, by virtue of her months of training and sparring with the assassin, had the edge on hand-to-hand combat. Today, though, things were different. As they moved through the dark, underground tunnels, Eriana reminded the dwarf more of himself than of the Antivan. She charged blindly into battle, engaging the fiercest and most aggressive of the targets head-on rather than moving through the shadows to face them indirectly as he had seen Zevran do. It confused him, really. He had watched the girl disappear right in front of him in broad day light, but here, where she actually had the benefit of shadows and dark corridors, she made no effort to conceal herself. Luckily, these enemies were inept enough that she was able to easily dispatch them, but Ohgren started to worry what would happen when they came up against a true threat.

After the last enemy fell, Eriana turned to look at them, casually pulling off her helm and pushing her hair back off her face. "So, let's see what exactly these guys were hiding," she muttered as she began to riffle through the crates that were lying on the deck, just in front of them. She pulled a dagger from the box and began to examine it closely. Oghren was about to walk up beside her when she let out a guttural roar and began to let loose a stream of expletives. "You sodding, nug humping, knife-eared, scum eating, son of a bronto." She screamed again and threw the dagger across the room, sinking it deep into a wooden post before storming off down the dock, kicking over crates and weapon racks as she went. Upon reaching the end of the dock, she screamed again and plopped down, holding her hand in her heads. Anders took a step toward her, but Nathaniel and Oghren both grabbed him, holding the mage back.

"What was that all about," Anders asked, dumbfounded by Eriana's sudden outburst.

Nathaniel moved over to the knife, pulling it from the post and examining it closely. He handed it to Oghren, pointing at the markings on the side. "It's a Crow dagger."

"Well, that explains the hissy fit." Oghren turned and looked up at the rogue his hands on his hips, "But what I'd like to know, Howe, is what exactly did you do to her? When I left her with you yesterday, she was happy as a cat, and now…well, look," he said, angrily, pointing down the dock. "So what happened to her because it's obvious that she is not okay."

Nathaniel sighed and looked toward their distraught leader. "Look, I'm not sure exactly how much of this she wanted you to know just now, but I guess there's no point in trying to keep it a secret. You have a right to know." Nathaniel sat down and motioned for the other Wardens to join him. "A few weeks ago, I uncovered a plot that has been brewing amongst some of the nobles here since she took over the Arling, a conspiracy to kill the Commander." Anders gave a shocked yelp, while Oghren just kind of grunted.

"And how long have you known about this?"

"Since the Fealty Ceremony."

Oghren growled, "And you're just telling me about it now? Damnit, Howe, you should have told me from the start."

"Look, it was her decision to keep it under wraps; she didn't want to concern you until we knew something a bit more definitive. A few days ago, we were given confirmation that this was a true threat; it seems one of the nobles contacted Varel while we were dealing with the Architect to warn him about it. Varel was also contacted by an information broker who was willing to help us ferret out the ones involved, an informant calling himself the Dark Wolf."

"Bloody hell," Oghern muttered, shaking his head. "Did ya meet with him?"

Nathaniel nodded, "Yesterday."

"And she assumed…"

"Yep."

"But it wasn't…"

"Nope."

"So that's why…"

"Exactly."

Oghren grunted, "Now it all makes perfect sense."

"Well, I'm glad you understand what's going on because I have absolutely no clue what you two are talking about," Anders huffed, throwing his arms up in the air. "Talking in complete sentences would be helpful, thank you."

"It's like this, Sparklefingers; The Dark Wolf was an alias that Eriana and Zevran used during the Blight when they were doing some less than savory things. Apparently, this information broker has been using the name, but Eriana didn't know that when she set up the meeting. Naturally, she assumed…"

"That Zevran had returned," Anders finished, his face falling as he suddenly understood exactly what had been going on the past few days.

"So, what happened when she realized it wasn't him?"

Nathaniel shrugged, "You saw her this morning; I'm pretty sure she self medicated with some Orlesian whiskey."

Oghren shook his head and looked down to where his young friend was sitting, staring off into the underground harbor. This was the last thing she needed right now, to have her hopes built up, only to have them dashed once again. He knew she was barely hanging on as it was, but after a blow like this…He remembered when something similar had happened to him. About three months after Branka had disappeared into the deeproads, a Legion of the Dead scouting party sent word back to Orzammar, that she and her party were spotted heading back toward the city. Naturally, Oghren was thrilled with the prospect of her return, but when months passed with no further word, he had fallen into a deeper despair. It had been the catalyst that pushed him over the edge. After that, he began drinking heavily and lashing out at people in the streets; he had become a disgrace. He knew the damage that something like this could do, and he hoped that his young friend was stronger than he was.

-0-

The deep roads, Eriana really hated the deep roads, but once again, her duty as a Grey Warden drew her down there before her time, before her calling. They had spent the last two days fighting through the deep roads before finding the abandoned fortress of Kal' Hirol where the darkspawn had been breeding an army. They had picked up a new member of the party, too, a member of the Legion of the Dead named Sigrun whose entire company had been demolished by the massive darkspawn forces that were amassed there. She had proven to be an invaluable guide through the deep roads, saving them from stumbling around helplessly in the maze of underground tunnels, a fact that Eriana greatly appreciated. She didn't want to spend any more time down there than necessary.

This was only her second time in the deep roads, and all things, considered, this time wasn't half as bad as the last. After all, there was no archdemon flying around, calling to her in her sleep; also, she had been a Warden for over a year and a half, so she had learned to block out most of the sensation from the darkspawn when she was awake, though they still called to her in her sleep. But somehow, this time felt far worse to the young elf. This time she didn't have him, and it was in times like this that she missed his presence desperately. He had always been able to distract her, to give her a moment's release from the pressures and troubles that plagued her. Now, now that he was gone and she was alone, she had only her blades to distract her. Thrust, slice, parry, dodge, kick, spin, stab: it was a rhythmic dance of death and destruction, and Eriana welcomed it, whole heartedly throwing herself into the thick of the melee. It was her new solace amid the maelstrom troubles.

Oghren beside her was dancing a similar dance, only his was full of rage and blood lust. Hers was only full of the desire to kill. No, not to kill, not even really to destroy. To forget, to dull the pain, even for just a moment. Thrust, slice, parry, dodge, kick, spin, stab: it was a mantra, as natural as breathing in and out. When she was one with the blades, all the noise from the rest of her life seemed to fade into the background.

She felt a healing spell was over, then noticed the soft glow of a lifeward surrounding her. But she continued her dance, moving, weaving, slashing until there were no partners left standing. Only then did Eriana realize how profusely she was bleeding; the world around her started to grow fuzzy as a wave of overwhelming pain washed over her. Swift as always, Nathaniel as at her side, catching her before she hit the ground. The last thing she remembered was resting her head against his chest as he cradled her in his arms and carried her away from the gruesome scene.

When she came to, Nathaniel and Anders were both kneeling over her, carefully checking her injuries as Oghren paced a rut in the floor by her head. Nathaniel breathed a sigh of relief and helped her sit up, holding a health potion to her lips. "You've lost a lot of blood, Eriana. I think we need to set up camp here for a while. Do you sense any darkspawn lurking around nearby?" Eriana shook her head. "Okay, well I think we should be fine here for the night."

"Good idea," Eriana said, getting to her feet, despite Anders' feeble protests. "I'll take first watch, and you guys get some sleep. Especially you, Anders; you need to give your mana a chance to recharge." The mage nodded and moved wearily over to his bed roll.

Eriana had to admit, she felt a bit guilty when she watched Anders throw himself down on his bedroll and fall asleep before he could even pull a blanket over himself. The poor mage had obviously used his last reserves of strength in his efforts to keep her alive. Cursing her stupidity, she knelt beside him and gently pulled a blanket up over his shoulders. He gave a contented sight as he pulled the blanket around himself, but he didn't wake up. Eriana stroked his hair gently before she got up to move to the edges of their make-shift camp.

Sitting there, alone in the oppressive darkness of the deep roads, Eriana had to focus to keep her thoughts away from Zevran. She tried to force herself to think of battle tactics, recruitment strategies, and political schemes, but despite her best efforts, her mind always seemed to return to him. His harsh words from her dream echoed through her ears, "I never loved you," "You are no longer worthy of me." True, he had never said those words, but the memory of them coming from his perfect lips, even in a dream, stung her as deeply as if he had actually said them because on some level, she believed them to be the truth. She felt her hold begin to slip as the pain and despair began to overwhelm her…

Just then, Oghren plopped down heavily beside her, staring silently into the darkness. Eriana glanced down at the dwarf, waiting for him to break the silence, but the warrior just sat there, staring blankly ahead, as if he was mulling over something.

"Okay, fine, Oghren, I give," she said after several minutes of a prolonged silence. "What do you want?"

"Nothin," the dwarf said, tossing a rock out into the dark abyss. "I was just trying to decide what I was going to say to Cyrion."

Eriana's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean? Why would you be talking to my father?"

Oghren shrugged nonchalantly, "Well, I figure since I'm the only one who knows him, it would fall to me to tell him that you died. So, I was trying to decide exactly how to phrase it so it would be easiest for him to hear."

Eriana flinched at the thought. Oghren continued, "Right now, I'm kinda torn between 'She died honorably defending the world from darkspawn' and 'she blindly threw herself at a mass of darkspawn with no real regard for her life and got herself killed.'" He leaned forward and stroked his beard. "I'm leanin toward the first one; though the second one is closer to the truth. I'm just not sure how well he'd handle the fact that his only daughter, the daughter he had already thought he'd lost once, had decided to completely give up on life."

"Ada," Eriana whispered softly, the image of her father's gentle face crossing her mind.

"It's a shame too, you know. I really don't look forward to seeing the look on the faces of those cousins of yours either when they find out. I really like those two, even though Soris can't quite hold his liquor." Eriana shook her head as she stared ahead into the darkness; this was a low blow, bringing up her family. Oghren sighed and leaned back on his hands. "And I guess I'll just have to send a letter to Leliana in Orzammar since I don't know how to get in touch with her. Of course, she won't get it until she finishes her work with the Legion of the Dead; I can't imagine how she will feel when she comes back after all that time in the deep roads and hears the news that one of her best friends is gone. But knowing her, she'd want to know as soon as possible, even though it would probably kill her. Then there's Alistair…"

"Oghren, please."

He ignored her plaintive whisper, "I'm pretty sure I'll have to tell him last because he'll probably kill me for letting something happen to you."

"Okay, Oghren," Eriana barked, fighting back tears, "you've made your point."

"Have I? I really hope I have because these last two days, you've seemed to completely give up on yourself." He stood up and began to pace in front of her. "Ana, I can count on one hand the people in this world that I consider to be a true friend, the people I care about with every fiber of my being, so I take it as a personal offense when one of them decides to just give up on life."

He stopped in front of her and finally met her surprised gaze, his own eyes beginning to tear up. "It usually takes a lot to earn my respect, and yet you managed to do that in a matter of weeks. But, damnit, kid, you went beyond that; you won my heart as well. Sod it to the Black City, Ana, I couldn't love you more if you were my own kin, so watching you do this to yourself; it's killing me."

Eriana stared up at the dwarf, dumbfounded by his sudden and frank confession. She knew he had become very protective of her lately, and that he considered her a friend, but she had no idea that his feelings ran this deep. He was right, of course, she had given up, had tried to numb herself to the pain only to hurt herself in the process. Glancing back over her shoulder, she looked at her companions, at Anders, whose hand was trembling with the lingering effects of the copious amounts of lyrium he had been ingesting to keep her alive, at Nathaniel, whose normally calculating eyes were fixed on her and filled with worry and compassion, the finally back at Oghren, who was sitting beside her, staring once again into the darkness. She had caused so much pain, both to herself and to her friends. It was all too much for her. Burying her head in her arms, the young elf burst into tears. She felt Oghren's strong arms encircle her narrow shoulders as he pulled her to his side.

"Now, I didn't say these things to make you feel guilty; far from it, in fact." He took her chin gently in his massive hand and tilted it up so that she was looking in his eyes. "I just wanted to remind you that you still have people who love you and are here for you." He stroked her hair gently. "Now I'm not saying this is something you can get past overnight; I'm livin proof it's not. What I am sayin is that you've got far too much goin for you to let yourself just give up like this. And though it may not feel like it now, this too shall pass as long as you don't let this pain consume you before then. Because, trust me kiddo, once you let that kind of darkness in, there's no getting it out. It consumes you, changes you into a person you don't recognize or even like, and I refuse to sit idly by and let you do this to yourself. You've done too much for me to let that happen."

Eriana looked up, whipping the remaining tears from her cheeks. "Oghren, I'm so sorry. You're right, so completely right. I've tried so hard to wallow alone in this grief that I shut out those who care. Can you ever forgive me for acting like such a child?"

Oghren grinned. "There's nothing to forgive, kiddo," he said, gently kissing the top of her head.

Eriana smiled weakly. "I'll try to pull myself together, I promise."

"Good! Because if, Ancestors forbid, something did happen to you, they'd probably put me in charge, seein as how I'm the only other livin Warden who has faced an archdemon," he chuckled. "Can you imagine what things would be like with me in charge? Amaranthine would be reduced to a pile of embers by the end of the month."

Eriana chuckled, "Brendan was there, too."

"Yeah, but he's still in the south, so leadership would fall to me until he got back up here." He patted her on her knee. "So do you think you'll be okay?"

"I think so, Oghren," she said with a sigh. "I mean, I'll try my best." She pulled her legs up to her chest. "I'm just having a harder time with this than I realized. I'd come to rely on him so much…" Glancing up at the dwarf she tried to smile, "Thank you for being here, Oghren. I don't think I could have made it without you."

"I'm here for you, kid; whatever you need."

The two Wardens continued to sit there, staring silently ahead into the darkness of the deep roads while their companions slept. Oghren had made her realize just how destructive her behavior had been, and though she wasn't quite ready to move on, it was high time she got her life back in order. Somehow amid all this chaos, she had to find a way to get her life back together.

-0-

Thank you to all my readers and reviewers. Hopefully, Eriana will be able to pull herself together soon.

A special thanks to those of you what have taken time to review: Kainen-no-kitsune, Judy, Danyal, Sharem, CynderJenn, Zeeji, and Warrose. Thank you also to those who added alerts: aluap73 and gamer 99. Thanks for the support!


	18. Chapter 18

It wasn't too terribly late in the evening when Eriana and her Wardens made it back to Vigil's Keep after their excursion in the deep roads, but after overseeing Sigrun's joining, debriefing Garevel on their meeting with the Wolf, debriefing Keenan on the broodmothers, and being debriefed by Varel on the affairs of the Arling, it was well into the night before Eriana was finally able to crawl into her bed. Well, that was after she risked falling asleep in the tub; she simply refused to bring darkspawn blood and deep roads filth into her bed. Ever since Oghren's heart to hear in the deep roads, things had been improving for her, her dreams slowly starting to return to normal – darkspawn, rather than Zevran, visiting her in her sleep, and she was starting to focus on the positive aspects in her life rather than focusing on the feelings of loss that still threatened to creep up on her. She was getting better, trying to get better at least, but things were far from perfect. Every so often, some small thing would spark a memory and those painful feelings would attempt to rush in all over again, but she was getting better at blocking the pain, most of it, anyway. There were moments when she actually started to feel like her old self.

It was with that new-found attitude that she came down to breakfast the next morning. Sigrun was sitting between Anders and Velanna, begging them to use magic, giggling and clapping like a child every time one of them would cast a spell. Anders seemed to enjoy the attention, conjuring fireballs and small orbs of light with enthusiasm while Velanna just seemed to be participating to shut the cheerful dwarf up. Eriana smiled as she poured herself some tea and sat down across from Nathaniel, who gave her a friendly nod before returning to his book. Nibbling on some bread, she began to look over the letters Varel had given her the night before. It was all personal correspondence, but she had been too tired the night before to even look to see who and where it came from.

Two of the letters bore Highever markings while the other came from Denerim. Anxiously, she opened the first Highever letter and was pleasantly surprised to see Alitair's familiar scribble covering the page. Smiling to herself, Eriana began reading the letter. It seemed he was visiting the Couslands before heading further south. He filled her in on his travels and his work with the banns before moving on to things of a more personal matter.

_Really, Ana, a Howe; you recruited a Howe? I suppose I should scold you, question your sanity, or ask you to reconsider your decision, but I know it's completely useless. I've learned by now that your instincts are usually on target, so I'll just trust your better judgment. This wouldn't be the first time you recruited someone against my wishes. I will admit, I wasn't thrilled when Aedan told me the circumstances of his recruitment (you let him go after you caught him sneaking around your keep and after he admitted he wanted to kill you?); I was surprised, though, but just how upset Aedan was about it. He seemed more upset that Howe threatened you than he was that you recruited him. Though I'm not sure that this was your smartest move, I can't say I'm surprised; you always were one to give others a second chance, even if they didn't deserve it. I guess it's part of your charm. If he hurts you though…well, I'll leave it Aedan to go into all that. (He seems really protective of you for some reason)_

_You've been on my mind a lot here recently; I can't help but feel bad about leaving you while it was so clear you were hurting. You have no idea how many times I almost turned my company around so that I could be there for you I can't help but feel like I've been shirking my duty to you. I hope that things have been going better for you in that regard. I just wish I could be there with you and be there for you, but you're in good hands with Oghren (at least you better be, he promised to look out for you). Take care of yourself; I mean it, you better not let anything happen to you or I'll be very angry with you. Be safe and I'll see you soon._

_All my love, _

_Alistair_

Eriana grinned to herself as she folded up the letter, hearing from Alistair was exactly what she needed. Seeing his familiar handwriting, reading his familiar words, she could almost hear his voice speaking to her; it was like a warm ray of sun light on a cold winter day. Sighing, she turned her attention to the second letter, one from Aedan Cousland himself. She was a bit nervous at first, unsure of how he might have taken the news about Nathaniel's joining, but to her surprise, he was surprisingly understanding about the whole situation. She had written to Aedan after his joining, explaining the situation and asking his advice on how to broach the subject with Fergus.

_I went ahead and told Fergus about the situation, and he is understandably uncomfortable with the whole idea, but I'm sure he'll get over it. We were actually friends with Nathaniel when we were all growing up, and I was glad to hear that he wasn't involved in his father's deeds. I have to honestly say, I can't imagine that he would have gone along with it even if he had been in Ferelden when it happened. Perhaps that's why he sent him off to the Free Marches in the first place. Fergus will come to terms with it eventually, but until then, you may want to avoid bringing Howe around Highever or make sure he's on a mission or something whenever Fergus decides to visit, at least till he's okay with it. Anything Howe related understandably still makes him extremely uncomfortable. _

He went on to explain that they had seen an increase in the number of darkspawn in the area and thanked her for training their guards in dealing with the creatures. They had managed to kill most of the creatures who had invaded their lands with very few losses to their guard. He was also apologetic about the Crow attack, aghast that it had happened in his town, under his watch.

_On a more personal note, I was so sorry to hear about Zevran's departure. Highever just wasn't good to you, I'm afraid; you got attacked by Crows and darkspawn then something like that happened. I'm so sorry things went so badly for you here, and I wish there was some way to make it up to you. When Alistair told us what had happened, my heart just broke for you. You deserve more than that; I hope you know that. Let me know if there is anything I can do to make things better._

_Ramoth sends his love. I think he's enjoying himself greatly; he's already gotten Ripper and two other bitches heavy with pup, so now he's strutting around like he owns the castle. We will be coming through in about four months on the way to celebrate the one year anniversary to the end of the Blight, so we can travel to Denerim together. I'm sure Ramoth will be ready to see you again (as am I). __Let me know__, let us know, if you need anything before then. _

_Until then, keep killing those darkspawn. I hope to see you soon,_

_Aedan Cousland_

Eriana breathed a sigh of relief when she finished the letter. She had been worried about the Couslands' reaction to Nathaniel joining the Wardens; she felt like they had become friends during her visit, and the last thing she wanted to do was alienate them. The fact that Aedan seemed to be alright with it put her mind at ease; perhaps he could help Fergus come to terms with it as well. Grinning to herself, she reread the last paragraph of the letter, trilled to hear any news on her mabari. She missed him desperately and was looking forward to Aedan's visit so that she could see him again. A smile still on her face, she turned her attention to the final letter, and her smile dropped.

_Da'len…_

Her father, Eriana closed her eyes and cursed herself. It had been over two months since she had last written to him, back before she left Highever. How could she have been so utterly thoughtless? She had gotten so caught up in her duties and emotions that she completely forgot to let her father know what was going on. Groaning to herself, she began to pour over her father's letter. He started his letter gently chiding her for the long break since her last correspondence, but he was incredibly understanding. He went on tell her about the rebuilding efforts in the alienage, bragging on Shianni's efforts on behalf of the elves.

_We miss you desperately here in Denerim; it was hard to let you go after having you back for such a short time. Yet I know your duty will keep you away from me. I have to say, I sleep a little better at night knowing that Zevran is there beside you, watching over you. We are all looking forward to coming up to Amaranthine soon. Have you two decided on a date for the wedding or have the duties of your new arling kept you too busy for your personal matters? I hope you don't get so caught up with your work that you neglect your personal life; you know you have a tendency to do that Da'len. Either way, let us know and we will be there; though we hope it's rather soon, as I said we miss you dearly. We can't wait to see you. Give Zevran our love, and please write back when you have a chance. You may be a hero to millions, but you're still my little girl, and I still worry that you're safe and happy. We are all proud of you, my darling; take care of yourself._

_Dareth Shiral Da'len,_

_Cyrion_

Eriana hung her head and stared into her cup of tea, fighting a new wave of nausea as it passed over her. She had to tell her father about Zevran, that there would be no wedding, no future that they had dreamed of. How could she have forgotten to tell him; he loved Zevran like a son, trusted him to care for her. He would be crushed when he heard the news and would probably be compelled to come to Amaranthine, to throw himself into fresh danger to comfort her. The thought made her sick. As her stomach churned and she tried desperately to control the surge of emotion running through her, Oghren plopped down beside her, two full plates of food in his hands.

Eriana glanced down at them. "Hungry today, Oghren?"

The dwarf shrugged. "No more than usual," he said, setting down the plates and shoving one in front of her. "This one's for you."

Eriana raised an eyebrow as she looked at the plate full of greasy eggs and sausage, all topped with some kind of thick gravy. Her stomach gave another lurch. "Um, thanks, I guess, but…"

"Have you already eaten," Oghren asked, interrupting her.

"No," Nathaniel said from across the table, glancing up from the book he was reading. "She's not eaten a thing since lunch yesterday."

Eriana made a face at the rogue before turning back to the dwarf. "I'm just not hungry."

"Bollox," Ogren said with a gruff snort. "I've watched you eat for a year now, and there's no way you're not starving. Now, you're not getting up from this table until you eaten that entire plate."

Eriana glanced down at him, eyebrow raised. "Okay, Dad," she muttered, pushing the plate away, "but I seem to remember being the Commander here."

Oghren shrugged, "On the battlefield perhaps, but right now, I'm not takin any orders from you. It's been weeks since you ate properly, and you can't tell me it's not affectin you. I've seen the way that armor of yours is hanging off you, and I'm not meanin to watch you waste away to nothing. There's too little of you as there is." He put a fork on the plate beside her. "Now, we can either do this the easy way, and you eat like a good girl, or we do this the hard way where I hold you down and Nathaniel there force feeds you."

"Hey, I never agreed to that. I just agreed that she needed to eat."

Eriana grumbled to herself throwing a few choice dwarven curses toward the red-headed warrior as she pulled the plate over to her. Oghren had a point; she had lost some weight over the past few weeks. She couldn't help it; she'd been stressed out, and stress made her sick to her stomach. So, she simply stopped eating for the most part. It was better than feeling sick all the time.

But now, staring down at the heavy, greasy food in front of her, a new wave of nausea passed over her. But Oghren was persistent, so Eriana figured it would be easier to just choke down the food rather than argue with the stubborn dwarf. It took her several minutes to finish off the entire plate of food. Once it was done, she pushed it away with a sigh. "Now, are you satisified," she said as she got to her feet.

Oghren smiled, "It's good enough for now. I'll see you at lunch, and if you want something different from what I eat, I suggest you have a full plate in front of you when I come in, ya hear?"

Eriana rolled her eyes and strolled out, making her way toward the training yard. About half way there, she started feeling warm and slightly dizzy, the heavy breakfast beginning to churn violently in her stomach. She barely made it out of the main walkway before her breakfast made an encore appearance. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, vomiting until her stomach was completely empty, then she sank to the ground, resting her head back against the cool stone wall behind her and closing her eyes as the sick feeling subsided. Her hands were shaking slightly as Nathaniel walked up to her and handed her a flask. Quickly, she took a drink, sloshing the liquid around in her mouth a bit and spitting before taking a full drink. Giving the rogue a weak smile, she handed the flask back up to him and let him help her to her feet.

"So," Nathaniel said as he led her over to a bench in the shade, "how long has this been going on?"

"How long has what been going on?"

He gestured over to the mess she had just made, "That, you throwing up your breakfast. How long has that been happening?"

Eriana shrugged, "It doesn't really happen. I don't really eat much breakfast anymore to be honest."

"Is that because you keep getting sick every time you eat?"

Eriana clanked up at him, "I don't get sick every time I eat; I just got sick today, that's all."

"And three times last week, and those are only the times that I saw," he said, wetting a handkerchief with his water flask and laying it across the back of her neck. "So tell me, Ana, what's going on?"

"Look, Nathaniel, it's nothing; I've just been really stressed out lately with all that's been going on with these darkspawn and everything, and not to mention all the emotional crap I've been sorting through since I got here. I guess in a way I carry my stress in my stomach because as long as I can remember I have always gotten sick when I was stressed out or upset about something. That's all, really."

Nathaniel looked down at her, "Are you sure that's it because you've been doing so much better for the last few days. If it's all stress, then what caused the episode this morning?"

Eriana sighed and handed him her father's letter. "Read the last paragraph," she said, watching as his eyes quickly scanned the paper in front of him.

"Ah, so you father doesn't know, and you're not looking forward to telling him?"

Eriana nodded, "He loved Zevran, looked at him like he was his own son, and he knows how close we were. He'll be devastated when he hears what happened. I'm afraid he'll feel compelled to come up here, and with the darkspawn and the assassination attempts…"

"You're afraid of putting him in danger." Eriana nodded. "Well, I suppose that's understandable. So you're sure that's all it is, this stress? I mean, you've been really tried here lately, worn down."

"Darkspawn nightmares are a bitch, you know. Couple it with all this running around…" Eriana sighed, "Don't beat around the bush, Nathaniel, you obviously have something specific on your mind. What exactly is it that you're asking me?"

He folded his arms and looked down at her. "I don't claim to be an expert in such things, or even experienced with them for that matter, but is there a chance you might be…could there be a chance that you're…" he couldn't seem to get to question out.

"That I'm pregnant? Is that what you're getting at, Nate?"

Nathaniel shrugged, "Illness in the morning is one of the signs of pregnancy is it not? So is fatigue."

Eriana rolled her eyes. "And weight gain, and as Oghren plainly pointed out this morning that's obviously not happening."

Nathaniel seemed unconvinced. "Well, I've heard that's not exactly an issue early on. So when were your last courses?"

Eriana felt her face grow scarlet, "Oh my Maker! I can't believe you just asked me that. Who died and made you my healer?"

"Come on, it's a reasonable question considering the…um, situation, and I worry about you, Ana," Nathaniel said. Eriana shook her head, looking away. "So, have you had your courses since you came here?"

Eriana groaned, "Look…ugh, I can't believe we're talking about this…my 'courses,' as you call them have been irregular since I joined the Grey Wardens."

"Is that regular for female Wardens?"

"I have no idea as I think Alistair would have blushed himself to death if I had ever broached the subject with him. The only other women Wardens I've ever met just joined a month ago, so I just have my experience to go on."

"So you haven't though, since you arrived."

"Ugh, Nathaniel. Fine, no, I've not had my courses since I got here, but that proves nothing. Besides, I'm a Grey Warden, and Grey Warden women just don't have children; the taint makes it extremely difficult."

"Difficult? But it can happen, yes?"

"I suppose it's not completely impossible, just very improbable."

"So it is possible then?" Nathaniel sat down next to her, draping his arm across the back of the bench behind her. "Were you and Zevran, you know, taking any precautions?'

Eriana rolled her eyes again, "Of course not, why would we? We didn't think it was a possibility for us; I still don't. This isn't a pregnancy; I'm just stressed out, okay?" Her stomach turned again. "Besides, I know what a pregnancy feels like; I've been pregnant before. That's not what's going on."

Nathaniel looked down at her, stunned. "What? You have a kid! How come I never knew about this?"

Eriana smiled sadly, "I never said I was a mother, Nathaniel, only that I had been pregnant before."

His eyes narrowed. "I'm not sure I understand."

She sighed. "Well, it happened when I was just sixteen while I was living and working in Denerim. I got involved with a young human who frequented the tavern I worked as a server in; we had only been together a few weeks when I realized I had gotten pregnant. I was afraid to tell him, afraid how he would react, so I kept it quiet for a while."

Eriana paused for a second, unsure how to continue without revealing too much. She was unsure how Nathaniel would react if he knew the whole story. "We were together for almost three months when he told me that he loved me and wanted to marry me; then he asked me to come to his parents' estate to meet them. When I got there, his family was gone and only he and his drunken friends were there. It didn't take me long to understand what was going on, what he wanted me to do. When I refused, he began to beat me until I passed out. They must have dumped me back at the alienage because my cousins found me and took care of me. I started bleeding two days later."

Eriana glanced up and looked at Nathaniel; his face was hard with a cold fury. "Who was it? Do you remember his name?"

Eriana nodded, "Of course I remember his name. It doesn't matter though; I'm pretty sure he died during the Blight." Nathaniel practically growled, and Eriana couldn't help but laugh. "Nathaniel, that happened a long time ago; there's no need for you to get so upset. I didn't tell you this to make you angry; I only told you so that you would understand. I'm just stressed, that's all. These last two months have really taken a toll of me, but it's getting better. Ada's letter just blindsided me, that's all."

"Won't you let Anders check, just in case."

"No," Eriana said sharply. "Look, Nathaniel, if I ask Anders to check this, then I'm admitting that I think there's something wrong with me physically. It would turn something that's nothing into a huge distraction, and we can't afford to be distracted right now. Even if he checked and found out I wasn't pregnant; he would still keep an extra close eye on me while we were fighting, just in case this strange illness pops up then. And what happens to you two while he's focused on me. I already have you and Oghren acting like mother hens over me; I can't have Anders' doing it too. Don't worry so much, Nathaniel; I'll be fine."

"So you're sure it's nothing to worry about," Nathaniel said looking down at her. She nodded. "Okay, then I'll let it go, but I do agree with Oghren, you need to start taking better care of yourself."

"I will, Nathaniel," she said, getting up to continue into the training yard. "Thanks for watching out for me; I do appreciate it, even if it's a bit embarrassing."

"No problem, Commander. I'm here if you need me."

-0-

The Wardens spent the next week or so responding to reports of isolated darkspawn attacks from around the arling. Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you see it, they didn't encounter any more talking darkspawn; nope just your run of the mill ax-wielding, spell-casting darkspawn. Nathaniel was returning to the keep with Keenan, Anders, and Eriana after taking out a small cell of darkspawn at a near-by farmstead when Varel met them at the gates.

"Commander," he said, giving the elf a brief bow. Nathaniel grinned, knowing how she hated this kind of formality, "I'm glad you've returned safely. I wanted to speak with you about setting a date for you to hold court."

Eriana stopped dead, causing Anders to run smack into her. "I need to hold what?"

"Court, High Court, actually, where you hear disputes between your vassals and make judgments on their behaves and preside over criminal trials and decide sentences for the condemned."

Eriana groaned and looked pleadingly at Nathaniel who just grinned and nodded; he could imagine just how uncomfortable the prospect would make her. "So how many cases will I be hearing exactly?"

"There are about five on the docket for this session, which isn't a lot, considering how long it's been since we held court. Most people are a bit concerned as to what kind of judgments you might make; many are afraid to bring a suit before you. The ones who are bringing one are likely doing it to test you, to see how you might react."

"Figures as much," Eriana said, handing her bag to the servant who had appeared to take them; Nathaniel and the others followed suit. "Set date for later in the week; we'll need to meet and discuss the cases before then. Now if there's not anything else…"

"Well, actually there is. A young elf arrived at the keep this morning, asking to see you, claiming he knew you. Considering the conspiracy against you, we kept him under guard until you could confirm his identity."

Eriana thanked him again then headed into the Main Hall of Vigil's Keep. Nathaniel followed close behind, curious as to who the visitor might just be. Part of him hoped that for her sake it was her missing assassin; while another part of him really hoped it was someone else. As they entered the hall, he saw a young elven man, standing in the middle of the room, talking cheerfully to Oghren. Eriana let out an excited squeal and ran across the room, throwing herself into the visitor's arms. The red-headed elf picked up his commander and spun her in a circle. Nathaniel crossed his arms, not sure how to welcome the man who caused his Commander so much pain, but he stopped when he saw Oghren, who was looking at him and shaking his head slightly.

Eriana took the elf by the arm and pulled him over to where Nathaniel and the other Wardens were standing. "Guys, I'd like you to meet my cousin, Soris," she said, smiling up at the man beside her. "Now, I've missed you like crazy and everything," she said turning back to her cousin, "but what are you doing here? I thought I asked you all to stay in Denerim."

"Um, actually you just told Uncle Cyrion to stay in Denerim. He was worried about you, Ana, and now that I see you, I'm glad I came. You look like shit, girl; haven't you been eating anything?"

"Aww, Soris you're so sweet; tell me, again, why I missed you," she said, slipping her arm around him and kissing his cheek lightly.

"Because you love me, even when I'm brutally honest," he said, messing with her hair.

Nathaniel stood back and watched as the two elves interacted with each other. This was a side of Eriana that he had never seen before. He had seen her stern and focused; he had seen her broken and sad, he had even seen what he thought was happiness. But this was totally different. The moment she saw the other elf, her entire demeanor changed, softening completely. All the strain and stress, the heartache and pain seemed to drain from her, and all around her seemed to flow an air of absolute contentment and peace. She needed this, needed to feel the absolute and unconditional love that only family could offer. Soris pulled her into a fierce hug and kissed her on her forehead before the two of them made their way up toward her quarters.

-0-

"You can't stay here; you know," Eriana told her cousin over breakfast the next morning.

"Why not? The food is so much better here than in the alienage, so is the ale, besides, you need me here. You've almost wasted away without me."

Eriana laughed before getting very serious. "Look, I'm going to tell you a few things; some of them you can tell my father, but some of them, you must swear to keep them to yourself." Soris nodded, finishing the last of his eggs and pushing his plate away. "Okay, we're in the middle of a war between two factions of darkspawn. One of these groups has already attacked the keep, killing all but one of the Wardens sent here from Orlais, and there's no telling whether or not they plan to attack again. I believe they will eventually, and that's why I wanted you all in Denerim."

Soris sighed, "Let me guess, that's the part I can't tell your dad."

Eriana shook her head, "Unfortunately, that's the part he needs to hear. Darkspawn, I can handle. I know darkspawn, and I'm very good at dealing with them. They're predictable to one who knows them as well as I do, Maker knows I've killed enough over the past two years, and as a Grey Warden, I can feel them coming. I can be prepared when they strike. It's the non-darkspawn that I really have to worry about." She went on to explain to him about the conspiracy to kill her, watching as the color left her cousin's face.

"Maker's breath, Eriana, what are you going to do about this?"

"I'm doing what I can, but I still don't know who all is behind it. It's hard to fight an unknown enemy. That's why I need you out of here before the nobles get here for high court. Some of the people involved in the conspiracy will likely be here; that's why I need you gone. I can't risk letting them see you here; they might try to hurt you or Shanni or Ada to get to me. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you because of me." Eriana reached out and took her cousin's hand. "You already spent a year in prison because I wasn't careful enough. I won't let you suffer any more on my account again."

Soris looked at her for a long time. "Ana, I can't just leave you like this. I can tell you've been hurting; I can see it in your eyes." He stroked her hand softly. "I went into Vaughn's house that day to protect you; I went in knowing that I was putting myself in danger, but I went anyway because I couldn't live with myself if I just stood by and let someone hurt you. If I can do something to help you, I will, danger be damned! I didn't back down then, and I won't back down now."

Eriana smiled at him. "See, this is why I love you; you're as stubborn as an ass. Fortunately, I'm more stubborn, and I have the power to make you do what I want." She sighed as she kissed his hand. "This isn't about being brave, Soris. I can't give them anything that they can use against me; there's just too much at stake on all sides. I know you want to help me, and I know you hate being sent back home, but I'm telling you this because I need you to keep an eye on things in Denerim. Keep an eye on Ada for me. If you truly want to help me, that's what I need you to do. I can't be distracted, not when so much is riding on me."

Soris shook his head, "You put too much on yourself, cousin, but I can see where you're coming from. I'll stay for a few more days; just long enough to make sure you're okay, then I'll head back to Denerim."

"Sounds like a plan to me," she said, finishing off the last of the meal in front of her. Though she had asked her family to stay away, as always, they knew what was best for her. Soris was exactly what she needed right now, a reminder that there were still those in the world who loved her, still those who would do anything for her. And though it didn't eradicate the pain she was feeling, for a while her cousin's presence dampened it, taking on some of the burden and making her load just a bit lighter.

-0-

_Alright, I made some changes to the timeline that I set up in JFML. I extended the relationship between her and the nobleman from a few weeks to a few months (just in case anyone cares about those kinds of things). I figured everyone needed a little down time, and Eriana needed a chance to recover a bit._

_Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me. I hope you enjoy this one. A special thanks to my reviewers: Danyal, Jen4306, Eva Galanda, WhenNightmaresWalked, Warrose, Judy, and Zeeji. _

_It may be a bit longer before my next update ~ the end of the grading period is coming up, so I'm about to get swamped. _

_Let me know what you all think!_


	19. Chapter 19

Eriana and Nathaniel sat on the railing that surrounded the Vigil's Keep training yard. She had one leg pulled up to her chest and was resting her chin on her knee as she and Nathaniel watched Sigrun and Soris circling each other in the ring. Sparring daggers came together, their metallic clashes filling the otherwise quiet morning air. The elf and the dwarf would come together, their weapons meeting in precisely aimed blows before one or both would spin just out of reach; then the dance would start anew. "I think she's holding back a bit," Nathaniel said, leaning over to whisper in her ear. Eriana nodded in agreement. She knew the legionnaire could easily take out her cousin, but pride welled up in Eriana as she watched Soris move. It was clear that the young elf could hold his own in a fight; a fact that was not lost on the perky dwarf who had to focus all her attention on the duel in order to keep Soris from landing a surprise hit.

"You know," Nathaniel said, "in a way, he reminds me of you out there." Eriana glanced over at him, eyebrow raised. "He moves like you do, only he's not as, well, you know…"

"Scary and deadly," Oghren finished, walking up beside them to watch the fight. "He is starting to look better."

Eriana grinned, "He's getting his old form back. There was a time when he could consistently beat me; now, granted, we were just kids at the time and he was about three years older than I was."

"You two fought like this as kids," Nathaniel asked, glancing down at her.

"Yeah, my mother trained us both. When he found out she was teaching me how to use daggers and archery, he insisted that she give him lessons as well. According to him, his little wisp of a cousin wouldn't be able to defend herself properly even if she knew how to handle a pair of daggers, so he should learn to fight as well." She smiled as she glanced back over toward the red-headed elf. "He always was so protective of me and of Shianni as well." She sighed, "You know, if his wife had been killed that day instead of Nelros, I think Duncan would have probably recruited him instead of me. But as it happened, Soris was back taking care of his wife when the guards came to arrest us, so Duncan had to save me instead."

"And you become the Warden while he stays behind and deals with the consequences," Oghren added.

Eriana sighed, "I know; I still feel so guilty about that. If I had made sure all those guards were dead, that there were no witnesses left to bring suspicion on him; then I would have gotten all the credit for it, and he wouldn't have been forced to spend all those months in that dungeon."

Nathaniel looked over at the two of them, a slightly confused look on his face, but didn't say anything. "Don't focus on that, kid," Oghren said. "You did the best you could. And who knows what might have happened if he had stayed in the alienage. You remember what happened there, the riots, the plague, the slavers. His wife disappeared with the first group of elves they took, didn't she? Who's to say that he wouldn't have met the same fate? He may have been killed in the riots or whisked away or killed by the plauge, and you would have never seen him again."

Eriana shuddered at the thought. She had come so close to losing her father to those slaving bastards; in fact, for a time, she honestly believed that she had. She fought through the entire alienage, thinking that her father was already lost to her. Fortunately, they found him locked up with the other elves about to be shipped off Maker knows where. Had they arrived in the alienage only a day later, her father and her friends would have been gone, lost to her forever. To have lost him and Soris…she couldn't bear to think of it. Pushing the image out of her head, Eriana turned back to the sparring ring just in time to see Sigrun knock him to the ground. "Come on Soris, you can do better than that," she shouted as he rolled back onto his feet.

"Hey, I'm trying here; I haven't had anyone to practice with since you disappeared, you know. I'm bound to be a bit rusty here."

"Well, it's clear you need the practice, that's for sure. Maybe with a little work you can get to be as good as me." Soris turned and made a face at her. While he was distracted, Sigrun hit him square in the back, sending him rolling again across the training yard. Eriana doubled over in laughter. "Then again, maybe not. Maybe you can become as good as I was, you know, before I joined the Wardens."

Soris feigned laughter, flashing an obscene gesture her way before turning back to the dwarf. "Bite me!" he shouted over his shoulder as the two faced off again.

Eriana giggled, leaning forward on her knee to watch as the two rogues faced off again.

"I think he's been good for you, you know that right," Oghren said. "That's the first time I've heard you laugh like that since you got here."

"I think that's the first time I've ever heard you laugh like that," Nathaniel said. "You're like a whole different person when he's around."

Eriana sighed, "I know. It's been so nice having him around these last few days. I'm really going to miss him when he goes back to Denerim."

"So, why does he have to go back so soon," Oghren asked, looking up at her. "After all, there's plenty of room here for him; plus there's plenty of stuff here to keep him busy."

"It would be a shame to have him come all this way only to have him leave so soon," Nathaniel added.

Eriana turned and looked at the two men. "Alright, you two, I know an ambush when I see one."

Oghren chuckled, "It's not an ambush; we were just getting used to havin him around, that's all. I never did get around to challenging him to another drinking contest; I'd be interested to see how he'd stand up against my new Warden stamina."

"Oghren, you drank him under the table before you became a Warden; he could barely hold his head up by the time you were through. I shudder to imagine the state he'd be in if he tried to keep up with you now."

"So if I promise not to challenge him to a drinking competition, can I keep him?" Oghren said with a grin.

Nathaniel shook his head, "Look, drinking contest and all that aside, I think it would be good for you to have someone else here that you feel comfortable around; you know, someone you trust completely."

"I would be, and there's a part of me, a selfish part of me, that would like to keep him here. But he lives with my father, looking out for him while I'm away."

"Doesn't Shianni live there too?" Oghren pointed out. "She can look out for him if Soris moved up here."

"It's not just that; I mean…" Eriana sighed and hopped off the fence, next to the two men. "I'm just afraid I can't keep him safe here with everything that's going on. I mean between the nobles and the darkspawn…I'd never forgive myself if I let something happen to him. If he got hurt or killed while he was here for me…" she shook her head, looking away. "Too many people have gotten hurt trying to protect me, and I can't let that happen again, not to Soris."

"Whoa, whoa, there, kid. I'm not askin you to make the kid a Warden or anything; I'm just sayin it'd be good for you to have him here. Weren't you saying to me that you were worried about opening up with us about your true feelings because you're supposed to be our commanding officer? Well, if he stays, problem solved, right? You can be all weepy around him and get it out of your system; that way you can still be all "commandery" around us."

Eriana glanced over at Oghren, "You know, it really helps booster my confidence in my leadership abilities when you use those air quotes every time you refer to me as your commander."

Nathaniel rolled his eyes as Oghren continued. "Hehe, you know your'e more than just a commander to me, Ana. That title doesn't earn you my respect, and you know that. You've had that since I first joined you and your rag-tag gang back in Orzammar. Just think about it, okay." Oghren patted her on the back.

Nathaniel spoke up, "Look, Ana, all that aside, I know you want to protect him; you want to protect everyone all the time. But you can't shield him from everything. Besides, no one outside of the Wardens and Varel even knows that he's your cousin, so the nobles need never find out who he really is. As for the darkspawn, where would he be more safe from darkspawn than here, surrounded by Grey Wardens? Your other cousin can look after your father for you. Let him stay; I think it would be good for you to have family close by."

Eriana was quiet for a moment. "Look, Ana," Oghren said, "I remember how much you missed your family while we were traveling around during the blight. You may have tried your best to hide it and take comfort with our presence, but I know we were never a substitute for them. Don't forget, I was there with you when you were reunited with each of them. You soaked up their presence like the parched earth absorbs the rain. And I saw the same thing appen when you walked in and saw him the other day."

Nathaniel looked down at the dwarf, "Ah, Oghren, that was beautiful. I didn't know you had it in you."

"What can I say; I wax poetic from time to time. Just don't tell anyone, ok; it might ruin my reputation, ya know."

Eriana grinned, "It will be our little secret."

"What's your little secret," Anders asked cheerfully, as he and Keenan walked up to join them on the fence.

Nathaniel shrugged nonchalantly, "We were just discussing how poetic Oghren can be sometimes."

Anders rolled his eyes, coming up to lean on the fence next to Eriana. "Sure, Oghren poetic, I'll believe that when I see it." Nathaniel glanced over at Eriana and winked once Anders turned to watch the two duelists move around the ring. "So, boss, what's the plan; what do we have next on the agenda?"

Eriana shrugged, "I guess we'll pick up the patrols after court tomorrow. We still need to figure out where all these darkspawn are coming from, so we'll probably need to split up and scout out the arling. Keenan and I should probably need to split up since we've been Wardens long enough to really scout darkspwan from a distance."

"Velanna will be happy about that," Anders said. "I'm not sure she's enjoyed staying locked up in the keep."

"Well, that was her decision. I asked her if she wanted to stay here when I realized that we would be heading into the deep roads."

"Whoa," Anders said, turning toward her. "So we have the choice of opting out of missions that we don't like. Why didn't I know that?"

Eriana chuckled, "She got to opt out for two reasons. One, she Dalish, and the Dalish aren't all that fond of being underground for extended periods of time. And two, she's a woman, and I want to keep women out of the deep roads at all costs."

"Um, not sure if you realized it, but you're both of those things."

Eriana rolled her eyes. "Ignorant, shem," she muttered to herself. "I'm not Dalish; I was raised in the city, remember. Therefore, according to them, I am a lesser class of elf, seeing as how, you know, I had complete control over where I was born and chose to grow up surrounded by humans who looked down on me for simply being who I am."

Oghren chuckled, "Hit a nerve there, mage. You would be wise to remember that – never call her Dalish, unless of course you want to lose your dangly bits."

"But you are a woman; my, ahem, dangly bits are safe in that assertion, right?"

"That much is true, but as your commander, I had to go down there with you. I couldn't very well let three brand-new Wardens go wandering around the deep roads alone."

Nathaniel looked over at her, "So why do you try to avoid taking women underground anyway?"

"You know those things we killed down in Kal' Hirol; those broodmothers, those used to be women, probably humans and dwarfs judging by the types of darkspawn we encountered."

"You encountered broodmothers, wow," Keenan asked, looking over at her, amazed. "I've only heard stories about those things, but I've never been deep enough to actually encounter one. I've heard they can be really tough."

"Well, we were able to kill the ones here from a relatively safe distance, not like the one we fought during the blight." Eriana shivered, "When we ventured into the deeproads to secure the dwarves' alliance, we had to fight one up close and personal. I didn't sleep for a week after that."

"So darkspawn turn women into those things," Anders asked, horrified. "How is that even possible?"

Eriana and Keenan glanced at each other for a moment. "Well," Eriana began, "for some reason, the taint reacts differently in different people. The darkspawn will take women and use the taint to twist them into those abominations. I've seen the taint kill people outright, and I've seen it kill people over a long period of time, changing them into ghouls before they die. Yet, in my time in the deeproads, I met at least two dwarfs who had been living with the darkspawn taint for years, eating darkspawn flesh to survive. It twisted them and corrupted them, but somehow they were able to survive and maintain their memories and personality. There's no telling how people will react to it."

"It can turn you into a darkspawn, too," Keenan added.

Eriana turned and stared at him, "What? I've never heard that."

Keenan nodded, "Yeah, according to Duncan, that's what happened to the Grey Wardens who allied themselves with the Architect. He sped up the taint and turned them into darkspawn like creatures."

"Wait a second, Duncan encountered the Architect, too?"

"Too, what do you mean, too? He fought the Architect nearly twenty five years ago when he was a young Warden. He, King Maric, and an elven mage were the only ones to survive the encounter; he told you about it, right?" Eriana shook her head. "Then how do you know about the Architect?"

"Because he's…it's the darkspawn that's been causing all the trouble around here. He's the one who led the attack on the keep, abducted you, and experimented on us." Keenan paled. "You mean you didn't know," Eriana gasped.

"No," Keenan said, "He never spoke to me; I never saw it. Are you sure that thing was the Architect?"

She glanced over at Anders, "That's what he called himself in his writings," the mage said slowly, "and that's what that elf referred to him as, too. I've been working on translating his writing, but it's tricky. All I've gotten out of them so far is something about a plan to free his brethren, or something like that. You wouldn't know what this is about?"

Keenan nodded, wide-eyed. "I can't believe you don't know about this; I mean it's told to every new Warden in Orlais, and Duncan was your commanding officer."

"In Duncan's defense, I was a Warden for a day and a half when he died and Alistair had only been in the order for a few months. Neither of us knew how to kill an archdemon until Riordan arrived from Jader and told Loghain and me," Eriana said.

"Look," Nathaniel said, stepping between them. "We need to figure out exactly what we all know, but perhaps this isn't the best place for this discussion."

"I agree, too many non-Warden ears," Eriana said. "Anders, find Velanna; everyone else, meet in my quarters in an hour. I'll have some lunch sent up. We need to figure out just what we know about this Architect." She turned back to the forgotten duel. "Sigrun, wrap it up, Warden meeting in an hour."

The dwarf nodded and moved as quick as lightning, knocking a dazed Soris to the ground and bringing her daggers down to his throat. Nathaniel chuckled, "See, I told you she was holding back."

-0-

Eriana wished she had waited till after the Warden meeting to eat lunch. Her stomach churned as she paced in front of the fire, listening to Keenan as he explained what had happened to Duncan when he first encountered the Architect. Apparently, several of the Grey Wardens who accompanied Duncan decided to ally themselves with the sentient darkspawn, allowing him to speed up the corruption in their blood, turning them into distorted shadows of their former selves. And for what? For a vague promise of the end of the darkspawn threat. According to the two Wardens who survived the encounter, the Architect planned to taint the surface, making everyone immune to the blight disease by corrupting every human, elf, qunari, and dwarf alive, killing millions. It was a price far too high to pay. Not only that, but apparently the commander of their group revealed to the Architect the location of the three sleeping old gods, including Urthemil, the god who rose and led the blight against Ferelden.

When Eriana heard that last part, she stopped in dead in her tracks, a dizzy feeling rushing over her as the blood drained quickly from her head. Nathaniel stood up quickly, catching her in his arms and leading her to a chair, telling her to sit before she passed out. "So you're telling me that this thing could have started the blight."

"It looks that way. He said he was looking for a way to free the darkspawn from the call of the old gods. According to Duncan, he wanted to find the old gods so that he could change them."

"Maker's breath," she muttered, cradling her head in her hands, trying to make the world stop spinning around her. "All those people, the King, the Wardens, all because of this…this creature! We have to destroy it."

"Well, what are we doing here then," Velanna asked in a snippy voice. "I've been hanging out in this keep for weeks now, only leaving when some shem needs us to come investigate some attack. We need to be out there, tracking him down."

"And where exactly do you expect us to look, Velanna," Eriana snapped, getting back to her feet. "We've taken out a huge breeding nest; what more do you expect. Warden senses aren't super powers, you know; we can't just summon him to us and wandering around aimlessly in the deeproads is simply foolish with our small numbers. He wants us, and apparently he needs us, too. He's losing control of the situation; that's probably why they are fighting each other. It's likely that he'll come to us," she said, and the rest of the Wardens nodded.

"And when he does, we finish him," Oghren added. "We already saw the result of siding with that thing; ancestor's tits, we all nearly died sopping up the mess those Orlesians left behind."

"Agreed," Eriana said with a sigh. "Okay, I have to hold court in two days. Once that is over, we spread out and try to root out any darkspawn cells in the arling. Maybe if our presence will draw him out."

"Or he could try to draw us into another trap," Nathaniel said. "We need to be cautious here. He seems to need Wardens for his experiments; we cannot afford to have any of us captured by him again."

Eriana sighed. "Look, we aren't going to solve any of this today," she said, rubbing her temples. "And I'm going to need some time to process all this." She sighed again and got to her feet. "Nathaniel, do you think you could meet with Varel for me…after this, I just don't think I could handle going over all that political stuff right now."

"I'll take care of it," he said, lightly touching her arm as he and the other Wardens began to file out. He turned back to her when he reached the door. "Are you going to be okay, Ana?"

"Yeah," she said, sitting back down on the couch. "I've just got a lot to think about, Nathaniel. I'll see you in the morning." The rogue hesitated at the door, and for a moment, it looked as though he was going to say something more. Instead, he just sighed and wished her a good night.

Eriana curled up on the couch; unable to summon the strength to make it to her bed, she merely pulled a blanket over her and stared ahead into the dying embers of the fire. That day had brought so many questions, but one, more than the others, was troubling her. What did the Architect promise to make seasoned, experienced Wardens abandon everything they believed in, everything they had fought for and join forces with him? Or was it something else, something more than a promise that made them make such an inconceivable decision? They were old Wardens, close to their calling; did that have something to do with it? Did a lifetime of living everyday facing the horrors and terrors of the world drive them to abandon all hope? Yes, as a Warden, you paid a high price, but Eriana had seen firsthand why that cost was necessary. The Wardens shielded the world, protected every living soul in it, but to do so, they sacrificed so much. Perhaps it was too much for them; maybe those Wardens wanted to put an end to it all so that future generations wouldn't be forced to make the same sacrifice, the sacrifice that Eriana herself was forced to make.

The light outside her window began to fade as twilight began to creep across the courtyard; Eriana pulled the blanket tightly around her. It had been a long time since she had really thought about all she had given up by becoming a Warden. It had always seemed to be a more than fair trade for her; after all, had Duncan not been there, she would have been executed. But what about those who did have something to lose, was it worth it, siding with the Architect, if doing that could shield others from this life? No, this life was a worthy sacrifice; at least that's what she told herself, anyway. Thirty years is a long time, especially now that the thing that had made her life worth living was gone. But if she could have him back, have more time with Zevran, would she make the same deal those other Wardens made? She didn't know, maybe. Not that it mattered now, anyway. Zevran was gone, and there was no suggestion that he might be coming back. It had been two months since he left, and according to him, it only took two weeks to sail from Ferelden to Antiva. He'd had over a month to write, to let her know that he was alright, that he still cared, but there had been nothing, no word, no letter, no messenger, nothing.

If the Architect offered her the one thing she wanted, the only thing she desired, would she make the same decision? If the Architect offered her a way to spare others the pain of losing their loved ones, what would she say? She didn't know. Maybe Wynne was right, maybe love and the Grey Wardens don't mix. Maybe she was would be a better Warden now that she no longer had Zevran. Maybe if she kept telling herself that, it would make things easier.

Eriana felt herself beginning to drift off when she heard the door open and someone enter. Soris, it had to be Soris; he was the only person in the whole keep who would enter her room without knocking or asking permission to enter. She felt him gently lift her head as he slid onto the couch beside her, laying her head gently in his lap. They were both quiet for a moment, Eriana staring at the fire as Soris ran his fingers through her hair. "So, bad news for the Wardens, huh?" Soris said, finally breaking their comfortable silence.

Eriana smiled, "Now what gave you that idea?"

"Maybe it was the fact that a casual conversation turned into a very serious looking conversation, which in turn became into a two-hour private meeting. A meeting that produced a bunch of dour looking Wardens, if I may say. So, what's going on?"

Eriana shook her head, "I wish I could tell you, Soris, but…"

"Nasty Warden secrets, got it. You'd tell me, but then you'd have to conscript me." He said with a smile as he continued to stroke her hair. "Mum's the word, then. All the more reason for me to head back to Denerim then, right?"

"Well, that's up to you, actually."

Soris raised an eyebrow and looked down at her, "Really, because two days ago you seemed quite set on sending me back to the alienage as soon as possible."

"I know, but I'm starting to reconsider that. Some very smart people pointed out the fact that you would, in fact, be quite safe here, and that it would be silly to send you away." She rolled over onto her back so she could look up at him. "So I thought I'd leave it up to you. I'd love to have you here Soris. I've missed you, and it's been good to be around family again. I know it would put Ada's mind at ease if you stayed here for a while; I'm sure he's been worried since he got my last letter, but I don't want you staying because it would make me or my father happy. If you stay, I want it to be because you want to be here, not because you feel like you have to. I mean if you're happy in Denerim…"

"I'm not," Soris said curtly. He ran a hand across the back of his neck. "In fact, I think half the reason Uncle Cyrion sent me here was to give me an excuse to get out of the city."

Eriana sat up and looked at her cousin. "What's happening in Denerim?"

"Nothing really, it's just everywhere I look, there is some reminder of how I've failed, of what I've lost. I mean, every time I walk past the gates to the market place, I remember how Shianni and I found you there nearly bleeding to death, and I can't help but feel like I failed you by allowing that noble shem to hurt you. Then there's, Valora. Everything reminds me of her and of the fact that I failed her as a husband. I mean, I let her get abducted from our wedding then she gets sold into slavery while I was locked away. Then there's Shianni, what I let that pig Vaughan do to her." He rubbed his eyes and looked down at her. "All the alienage is to me anymore is a blatent reminder of how I have failed, of everything that I've lost."

Eriana threw her arms around his neck, "Soris, you didn't fail me; you were always there for me. No one stood up for me the way you did, ever." He shook his head and tried to turn away, but Eriana took his face in her hands. "Soris if you hadn't come for me, I can't imagine the things Vaughan would have done to me. I heard the guards talking; he was saving me for last, said he had something special for me. You and Nelaros probably saved my life." She took his hand and look up into his tear-filled eyes. "You risked your life to save me and Shianni and Valora; you are my hero, Soris, you always have been."

"I just wish I could have done more for all of you."

"You did all you could, Soris; more than most would have." Eriana smiled up at him, "But, if you're still looking to help, I can think of one thing you can do for me. You can stay here and help me maintain my sanity."

"I'd like that," he said, pulling her in for a fierce hug. "Are you sure I won't be an inconvenience; I mean, I'll work and earn my keep."

Eriana rolled her eyes, "Maker's breath, Soris, I'm the arlessa; you don't have to do anything to earn your keep here. You're presence here is enough for me. Besides, keeping me sane will probably be a full time job," she said, laying back down on the couch and resting her head back on his lap.

"It always was," he said with a laugh.

Eriana looked up at her cousin with a laugh. "So you'll stay?"

Soris nodded, "I'll stay."

"Good," Eriana said, closing her eyes while Soris went back to stroking her hair. With all the questions and uncertainty in her life, it was good to have something certain she could depend on.

-0-

_Sorry for the delay in the update. It's been a long, busy week. Hopefully, I'll be back in my normal routine this week. Thanks for hanging in there with me._

_Special thanks to my reviewers, Kainen-no-Kitsune, Eva Galana, Danyal, Judy, and Warrose. And a thanks to those who added alerts and faves! Let me know what you think!_


	20. Chapter 20

As Nathaniel stood along the back wall, watching Eriana as she presided over the nobles' cases, a few things came to mind. The first thing he noticed was that whenever she got anxious, her ears would begin to twitch. He had never realized that before as her ears were usually covered by her hair or tucked away under her helmet. Today, however, she wore her hair pulled back in a low tight bun, so his eyes were drawn to her slim, elegant ears. All her other nervous ticks - twisting her ring, biting her lower lip - she had under control, trying very hard to look sure and confident for her vassals, and he doubted anyone else noticed the ear thing. But he did, and on some level, he found it adorable. It was a cute little flaw in her normally perfectly polished public persona. The second thing he realized was that they really needed to get her a new chair. After fighting by her side for so long and seeing how deadly she could be, it was easy for Nathaniel to forget just how small the elven woman really was, but sitting up there in the massive chair that used to belong to his father, Eriana almost looked like a child, waiting in her father's chair for him to return home. Somehow, though, whether it was the heavy-looking armor that she wore or the stern, icy look in her eyes, she still managed to look intimidating, leaning on one arm of the chair, resting one leg across her knee. Still, something needed to be done about that chair. He would speak with Varel about it after court concluded.

At present, though, he needed to keep his attention focused on the case at hand. The first few cases had been pretty straight forward, easy for Eriana to dispense justice. The case at hand, though, was a little bit more delicate. A young shepherd had been caught stealing grain from the crown to feed his starving family. The sentence for such an action was normally death. When they had reviewed the case the previous night, Eriana's immediate reaction was to release the man without penalty. "Look, you guys don't understand what it's like to be pushed to such desperate measures just to survive. I do; I've been there. This man was just trying to save his family."

"I understand your compassion," Varel had told her, "but if you pardon him, it will set a dangerous precedent that you can commit a crime as long as you can justify it. They'll start believing that if they can get you to feel sorry for them, then they will be able to get away with anything. The laws here are clear as crystal. He stole from the King; the consequence of that is death. If you let him go without punishment, then your people will see you as weak and unwilling to uphold the law. You will lose their support."

Eriana had been torn, even after the meeting was over, so Nathaniel was curious as to what she would do about the shepherd.

"Alec," Eriana said, leaning forward on her knees, looking the shepherd in the eye, "Unlike many of those in the ranks of the nobility, I can honestly sympathize with your situation. I do. I know what it is to feel as if you have no other options besides breaking the law. I know what it is to be starving and to feel as though you have no other option but to steal, but you made a very unwise choice. And as much as my compassion compels me to pardon you without penalty, my conscience cannot, in good faith, allow me to turn a blind eye to this offense. You stole from the Crown, and in the eyes of the law, that makes you a traitor to King and Country. That cannot go unpunished. Therefore, I have decided that you are hereby conscripted into the ranks of the Amaranthine guard. A portion of your pay will go to reimburse the Crown for what you stole; the rest will go to provide for your family. You will serve in the guard for a term of no less than two years, and at such time, you may choose either to return to your farm or to remain in the guard. This is my final judgment."

"Genius," Nathaniel muttered to himself. "Why didn't I think of that?" Conscripting him spares his life and shows mercy while still upholding the law. Eriana is seen as a just ruler without being cast as too soft. After thanking her profusely and pledging his eternal service and gratitude to her, Alec the shepherd, now guard, left to rejoin his relieved family. Eriana glanced around the room and her gaze caught Nathaniel's eye, and he could tell that she was curious to see how he felt about her decision. Smiling up at her, he nodded in approval, receiving a quick grin from her in response.

Nathaniel's smile immediately dropped, however, when he saw Haden Temmerly stroll into the grand hall. This was the case he had been really worried about. Temmerly was accused of murdering Ser Tamra, the woman who had informed Varel of the conspiracy against Eriana. Nathaniel was sure that he was guilty, but the only evidence against him was a small amount of blood that was found on his garments. Nathaniel and Garevel both wanted to simply execute the man right out, lack of hard evidence against him or not. Varel argued against that route, pointing out the fact that it could make things difficult among the other nobles. He suggested that they merely imprison him for a time. Eriana had disagreed with all of them. "Guys, I see where you're coming from, but we simply don't have the evidence to do either of those things, lock him up or execute him. There's simply no proof; people will think I'm being unreasonable or biased against people who don' t seem to like me. I can't afford to be painted as a tyrant so early, especially amongst the nobility. Too many of them are already trying to kill me as it is."

"If you release him, you can add one more to their number" Nathaniel pointed out, "I know that man; I grew up with him. He's vicious and mean, and he will do anything to get ahead. It's likely he's already a member of the conspiracy; that's why he killed Tamra."

"Nathaniel, what do you expect me to do? There's no evidence here. You said it yourself, they are doing this to test me, right, to see if I can be a fair ruler? Well, if I'm going to be fair, I have to be fair with everyone."

"It's dangerous to let him live, Eriana, much less to let him walk freely." Nathaniel shouted, slamming his hand on her desk.

"Nathaniel, I'm surprised at you. Where would you be if I did things that way, if I just instantly killed anyone who I believed was out to get me?"

"Well, you probably should have killed me. It would have been the smart thing to do." He snapped at her. "Sometimes you have think about what's best for you."

Eriana smiled sadly and placed a gentle hand on his arm. "If I was a normal noble, I would agree with you, but I'm a Grey Warden. Our whole life is wrapped up in self-sacrifice for the greater good. If the Wardens are going to continue to grow and get stronger, we will need the support of the arling, the whole arling."

It was obvious to Nathaniel that unless some new damning evidence was presented, Eriana was going to let him go without consequence. He was right; after all the evidence was presented, she ruled that there was too little evidence to support to the claim, so after giving him a stern warning, she set Temmerly free. Nathaniel watched as the smug nobleman strolled, a triumphant smile on his face, over to where Bann Esmerelle was standing, watching the proceedings. Just before he reached the Bann, he glanced back to where Nathaniel was standing, giving the Warden an arrogant, too familiar smile. Making sure that Nathaniel was watching, Temmerly turned his gaze back toward the dais where Eriana was still sitting. A grim smile crossed his face and he slowly licked his lips before shooting Nathaniel another quick glance.

Beside him, Oghren grunted audibly. "Well, I can't say that I liked that decision one bit. There's something about that one that sets my teeth on edge; he seems dangerous. And I can't say that I like the looks he's givin Ana either."

Nathaniel glanced back at the large nobleman who was still staring at Eriana with a disturbing, hungry look in his eyes. "Yeah, me neither; he's trouble," Nathaniel said as Temmerly leaned over to say something to Esmerelle who was also glaring at Eriana, but with a very different look on her face. She was up to something; they were up to something, that much was certain. Nathaniel didn't hear anything from the final case; his eyes never left the sinister looking pair who were staring so intently at his commander.

"Well," Anders said, turning toward the other two Wardens once the final case was done, "If that Packton woman wasn't in the conspiracy against us before, she's definitely a part of it now."

"What," Nathaniel asked, reluctantly looking away from the two nobles to look at the mage. He was suddenly aware that Eriana had ruled on the final case and the nobles were beginning to file out of the hall.

Anders gestured toward the loser of the final case who was storming angrily out of building. "She just lost a lot of land that your father gave her. I'm just saying, if she wasn't out to kill Eriana before, it definitely looks like she could do it now."

Nathaniel glanced over at Lady Packton, an old friend of his father's. As the noble woman exited the hall, she glanced over at Esmerelle who gave her a smile and knowing nod. The brief exchange sent a chill down Nathaniel's spine. If he ever had any doubt about the existence of a conspiracy, it was definitely gone now. He watched as the rest of the nobility filed out, waiting until they were all gone before following Eriana up to her room. Sigrun was already there when he arrived, perched in front of the fireplace, briefing Eriana on what she heard while observing from the shadows.

"Well, how do you think it went?" she asked, turning to Nathaniel as she began stripping off the light-weight plate armor that was covering her arms.

Nathaniel crossed the room to assist her in removing the complicated ceremonial armor. "I think the decision you made with Alec was brilliant; that probably won some people to your side. But…you definitely made some enemies today."

"That was unavoidable, though. I can't please everyone all the time; it's just not possible." Eriana turned around so that Nathaniel could undo the latches on her breastplate.

"Most of the people I heard were impressed with you, Commander," Sigrun said, grabbing the breastplate from Nathaniel and securing it to the armor stand as Eriana moved behind a screen to change out of the padding she wore under the armor. "From what I heard, they thought your judgments were fair and just."

Nathaniel glanced over at the dwarf. "Did you happen to get close enough to Temmerly after he was acquitted to hear what he and Esmerelle were talking about?"

Sigrun shook her head. "They were pretty well surrounded, but judging by looks they were giving Eriana…"

"Yeah, Oghren and I noticed that too."

"What looks?" Eriana asked, stepping out from behind the screen and coming to sit down beside Nathaniel on the couch. "Who are you talking about?"

"Esmerelle and Temmerly, I'm telling you, Ana, they're both at the top of my list of conspirators. Esmerelle was…um, how shall I say this…close to my father. Really close if you catch my drift. Plus, she's got connections all over the nation. She's someone who can cause a lot of trouble for you if you're not careful."

The elf shrugged, "Well, there's not much I can really do about it now. I can't exactly make myself become a human or anything, and I can't bring your father back."

"Thank the Maker for that," Nathaniel muttered, getting a smile out of Eriana.

"I guess all we can do is expose her for what she is. If the Wolf presents us with hard evidence that implicates her in this plot, we can discredit her in the Landsmeet."

"Let's hope the Wolf is successful then," Nathaniel said, draping his arm across the back of the couch behind her. "So, are you ladies up for a game of Wicked Grace?"

Eriana grinned and nodded, but Sigrun didn't look all that enthused. "What's Wicked Grace, some kind of game? I've never played it before."

"It's a card game," Eriana explained, as she ran to retrieve her deck from a chest at the foot of her bed. "And it's a very popular game for those of us who certain roguish skills."

Sigrun raised an eyebrow, "Really, how so?"

"Well, not only is cheating extremely easy; it's almost expected of you," Eriana said. "Come here, let me show you." Quickly, Eriana explained the rules of the game, then she and Nathaniel began to play, explaining it as they went. Nathaniel had always prided himself at being good at this game; throughout his life, he had yet to meet anyone who could consistently beat him at it. But after the first hand was dealt, Nathaniel quickly realized he was in way over his head. Eriana was a master, her hands moving so fast, that he barely saw them, and there was no way he could catch her. As he was getting ready to palm a card, Eriana's soft but firm hand caught his wrist. "I don't think so, Howe," she said with a grin. "You have to be sneaker than that." Nathaniel snarled at her and put the card back down.

"You're good, Commander," Sigrun said, coming to sit beside her. "I've seen master thieves in Dust Town whose hands aren't nearly as quick as yours are. I think I get the gist of it now; do you mind if I play Howe here? I'm not sure I could beat you."

Nathaniel rolled his eyes, muttering something about being a suck up, but motioned for the dwarf to join him at the table. Eriana relinquished her spot to Sigrun and walked to her wine cabinet to get herself something to drink. Drink in hand, she perched on the arm of Nathaniel's chair so that she could watch the game, coaching Sigrun on the finer points of cheating and nudging Nathaniel every time he got away with something. Nathaniel found that he was enjoying himself immensely; it was a rare moment when they got to just to sit around and socialize. They had been so busy lately dealing with all the troubles in the arling that they simply hadn't taken time to just rest and get to know each other. He was about to turn around and fuss at Eriana for giving away his hand when there was a knock at the door. Eriana hopped up to answer it.

"I'm sorry to disturb you so late, Commander," one of the soldiers said, "but this missive just arrived marked high importance. The messenger said only that I was to deliver this to you immediately, and that you would definitely be interested in the information it contains."

Eriana nodded and dismissed the guard, quickly breaking the seal on the letter and skimming through it. Once she finished reading it, she handed it to Nathaniel; it was from the Dark Wolf.

_Commander Tabris,_

_I was pleased that you chose to hold court today. It gave me a fine chance to collect the final pieces information on your little conspiracy. In fact, I was able to pin down the location of their base, a small farm a half a day's journey from here, Old Stark's Farm. I overheard one Bann Esmerelle giving Lady Packton directions there as they were leaving this evening. It seems that they are planning to hire professional assassins to come after you. Perhaps you will find evidence of their treachery there._

_I do hope we can work together again. Spying on nobles is far more fun than stealing from them, don't you think? And do try to stay alive; the arling is so much more interesting with you in charge._

_Forever Your Most Humble Servant_

_DW_

"Do you know where this farm is?" Eriana asked as Nathaniel finished the letter.

"Yeah, as he said, it would be about a half a day's journey from here, a bit less if we used the horse and cart."

Singrun rubbed her hands together and grinned. "Alright, it's time to show these noble bastards what they get for crossing the Wardens. What do you say, Commander; we have Anders cast that neat fire spell on our weapons and go in daggers blazing?"

"No, I think caution is the key here. We don't need to just stop them; we need to out them, to discredit them publically. Otherwise, our actions will always be questioned in the eyes of the nobility. We need hard evidence to connect them with this conspiracy." Eriana said, ears twitching as she paced. "He said they were hiring assassins; well, that means contracts, and likely, lists of contacts. We need to break in and retrieve whatever evidence we can against them, and then we bring them to trial and hang them."

"Sounds reasonable enough," Nathaniel said, smiling down at the pouting dwarf beside him.

Eriana thought for a moment more. "Okay, I'm going to need you two to go ahead and scout the place out. See how many guards are stationed there; see if there is a weakness where we can get in and out undetected. Then we will take all the Wardens, along with a few guards, just incase there's trouble and we need backup. The three of us will go in and find what we need and get out."

"So no killing then?" Sigrun looked slightly disappointed at the thought.

Eriana chuckled, "Maker's breath, you're as bad as Oghren. No, no killing unless we are discovered and have to fight our way out. We need this to go as cleanly as possible, got it. If at all possible, we must do this the legal way." The two rogues nodded in agreement. "You two will set out just before nightfall to go scout out the area. There's a full moon, so Nathaniel, you shouldn't have any trouble seeing after dark. We'll meet in my office to review what you've discovered and make a plan from there."

-0-

Nathaniel and Sigrun came back with a detailed map of the area surrounding the farm hold, and it didn't take long for the Garevel and the Wardens to formulate a plan. The Wardens would all travel out to the farm along with a handful of Vigil's Keep knights. Oghren and Garevel would stay back with the rest of the warriors and mages while Eriana, Sigrun, and Nathaniel broke into the house, looking for evidence to bring against the conspirators. They were outnumbered by the conspirators' guards, so the last thing they wanted was to start an all out fight. But if the guards were alerted to their presence, then the Wardens would likely have to fight their way out. Eriana was sure that the three of them were stealthy enough to make it in and out undetected, though. Then they would have all the evidence that they needed and this would all be over and done with, she hoped.

The morning of the raid, Eriana knelt in front of a crate that she hadn't opened since she arrived in Amaranthine. It was a crate that held her and Zevran's supplies from their days working as the Dark Wolf. Sighing to herself, she pushed the lid of the crate up and looked at the neatly packed and preserved contents inside. There was Zev's dark, hooded cloak lying next to his dark leather armor; the warm smell of leather and spices, Zevran's smell, swept over her as she lifted the his leathers and set them to the side. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath as she tried to settle her emotions. This was the first time in two months she had touched any of the boxes that held his things, his belongings that he had sent ahead to what was supposed to be their new home.

Reaching back into the crate, Eriana picked up his cloak and held it to her face for a moment, inhaling deeply, taking in the warm, comfortable sent of him. Tears filled her eyes as she sat there, holding his cloak to her face. "Zev," she whispered to the empty room. "Oh, Zev, how I need you. How could you just leave me, now when I need you most?" It wasn't that she didn't trust Nathaniel and Sigrun. She had worked beside them both enough to know that they were both very skilled enough to pull off a job like this, but they weren't Zevran. Zevran whose every move she could anticipate. Zevran whose skill in stealth and treachery were unmatched. Zevran who she trusted implicitly. Zevran who she still loved, even after all the pain he had put her through.

Now, though, was not the time to dwell on what was lost; Eriana had to focus on the task at hand. And her first task was getting into her Dark Wolf armor, which was no small task. Carefully and methodically, she polished her own set of dark dragon wing armor, working oil into the supple leather so that it wouldn't make a sound as she moved. She forced herself to focus on the job before her, trying hard to keep her mind from wandering to the thoughts that might upset her. She was almost finished massaging the last of the oil in when Sigrun came tapping on the door.

"Commander, you said you needed my help."

"Yeah, Sigrun, come on in, and please, call me Eriana. This particular suit of armor is a little tricky to get in by myself," Eriana said, holding up the unusual armor. It was a piece that was given to her by Master Ignacio back during the blight. To look at it, you wouldn't think it could stop a bee sting, much less an arrow, but as thin as the dragon wing was, it was incredibly strong. And it fit Eriana like a second layer of skin. The pants were so tight that they had to be laced up the side from ankle to hip, molding to her slender legs. The bodice piece had to be laced up on both sides as well.

It had been months since she had last worn the armor, and it still fit her perfectly in every way. Well, almost perfectly. As Oghren loved to point out, she had lost a lot of weight over the past two months, so she and Sigrun were forced to pull the laces at her waist extremely tight so that the armor didn't have any extra give. Not an ideal solution, but it would work until she either put the weight back on or asked Wade take it in. It wasn't until they made it to her bust line that they had a real problem.

"Eriana, is it supposed to be this tight?" Sigrun asked, pulling hard on the laces.

"No, not really. I mean the whole suit is tight, that's the design after all, but I don't remember ever having this trouble before." Once the dwarf secured the laces, Eriana turned around to look at herself in the mirror and her jaw dropped. The tight, black leather body suit hugged every curve of her body, just as it always had, but with one, well, huge difference. The tight bodice had an odd effect on her breasts, thrusting them upward so that the round curves were clearly visible. In fact, the top seemed almost too small to contain them.

"So, were the girls always that…um…snug?" Sigrun asked, gesturing toward her bust line with a sly smile on her face.

"No, they've never been on display this much before." She turned and looked down at the dwarf. "I don't know; it just seems like they're bigger than before. Is it too much?"

"Nah, you might have to watch where you step when we got downstairs though; you might trip over Anders' tongue if you're not careful." Eriana rolled her eyes, pulling on her black gloves and soft-soled shoes. "It doesn't make sense though, hasn't Oghren been fussing at you about losing too much weight." Eriana nodded. "So, how is it that, you know, the girls are expanding?"

Eriana shrugged, "Dunno, maybe I'm not losing weight, maybe it's just migrating north." Sigrun giggled and pulled on her own gloves. "Ah, we'll worry about this later, we've got some conspirators to catch."

-0-

The only sound around the Stark Farm was the occasional clank of heavy armor as the guards made their rounds. Nathaniel crouched in the bushes alongside Eriana and Sigrun, watching as the last of the knights strolled by. It felt strange being out of the keep without his bow and quiver strapped to his back, but Eriana had instead that he arm himself with daggers instead, arguing that if they were going to kill anyone that night, it would likely be at close range, very close range. It made him a bit uncomfortable to be without them, but he would adjust. Glancing around, he took careful stock of their surroundings. He couldn't have planned a more perfect night to execute a raid like this. The clouds overhead blocked out most of the light from the full moon, and the constant rustling from the wind made it hard for human ears to distinguish individual sounds. Lucky for him, Eriana's hearing was much better than his, so they were always hidden well before the guards made their rounds past them. He glanced beside him for a moment at Eriana who was lying beside him, nearly invisible. He had to smile, remembering Ander's reaction when Eriana had strolled into the grand hall in that strange, almost painted on armor. The poor mage stuttered stupidly for a few minutes before Oghren threatened to knock him out if he didn't stop staring at her. Anders wasn't the only one, though, who had reacted like that; in fact, most of the men in their party had the same reaction, unwilling or unable to take their eyes off her.

Eriana's hand lightly brushed against his arm, motioning for them to move out. Quietly and effortlessly, the three rogues slithered to the farmhouse. With cat-like movements, Eriana quickly scaled the up side of the house, landing on the small balcony Nathaniel believed was adjacent to the room the conspirators were using as an office. By the time Sigrun and Nathaniel had made their way up the side of the house, Eriana had managed to pick the lock on the door and was making her way silently inside. A large desk surrounded by several sturdy chairs dominated the center of the room. At Eriana's silent order, the three rogues split up and began combing through the room, looking for the evidence they needed. Nathaniel was looking through a stack of papers that had been left on a bookcase when he heard footsteps in the hallway. Moving as quickly as possible, he darted back to a corner of the room, making himself as invisible as possible, watching as his fellow Wardens did the same. The footsteps stopped at the door, and he could hear the sound of keys being turned in the lock just before the door swung open.

"Well, Esmerelle," the voice of Lady Packton said as two dark figures entered the room with a small candle. "I was surprised when you approached me about this; taking on such a formidable advisory, very risky, especially considering how well connected she is for an elf. I was a bit concerned that you were in over your head, but it seems that you have everything well under control. So what do you need me for?"

"The men I am hiring to take care of our little elven arlessa do not sell their services cheep, but they are the best. I need just a little bit more gold to ensure their cooperation."

"And what do I stand to gain by helping you?"

Esmerelle laughed, "Just consider this an investment. Once we rid the arling of our Warden intruders, then I will be the logical choice to take control. You do me this favor here, and I will remember it when the time comes, capisci? I never forget a favor."

"And the land that little knife-ear stole from me?"

"Consider it yours, so, do we have a deal?"

The room was silent for a moment. "It's a deal."

"Excellent," Esmerelle said, moving over toward the desk. She began to fiddle with something on one of the drawers at released a hidden compartment in the desk. Laying out some papers, she had Packton sign a few things before returning it all to the desk and locking it up.

"So, Howe's son, Nathaniel, is he in on this as well?"

"No, though I did consider asking him when I first saw him at the fealty ceremony. I thought he'd hate that tart of an elf after what she did to his father, but he seems to be rather loyal to her. It's a shame, really; he would have made a fine arl once we worked all the nice out of him," Esmerelle said as the two women walked out of the room, continuing to talk as they moved further away.

Nathaniel waited till all was silent before emerging from the shadows. He glanced desperately around the room until he saw Eriana appear from her own corner, the slight grin on her face telling him that she was amused, not angry at the conversation she had overheard.

"Did you see how she opened that drawer," Sigrun said, moving forward to inspect the piece of furniture. Nathaniel shook his head.

"Here," Eriana said, lightly pushing them to the side. "Let me take a good long look at this." Nathaniel stood back and watched as she worked, inspecting every inch of the massive desk, her slim, nimble fingers seeking out every crevice until he heard a light click and the secret compartment popped open. Inside were several documents with names and lists and even what looked to be a few contracts. Handing them to Nathaniel, Eriana closed the drawer. "We don't have time to read these now, but it looks like this will be all we need to get them. Now, let's get out of here before someone sees us."

Nathaniel didn't have to be told twice; moving as silently as possible, he followed Eriana and Sigrun back out the window and down onto the ground. Getting past the guards was just as easy as it was the first time. He thought they had gotten away cleanly when a sudden sharp pain suddenly shot up his leg as the jaws of a claw trap snapped tightly around it, breaking the bone cleanly in two. Nathaniel tried to stifle a moan of pain as he tried to open the locking mechanism, but he couldn't get the latch to budge. It didn't matter. Eriana was at his side almost instantly, and in a matter of moments, she had disarmed the trap and laid him out on the ground as she frantically started inspecting his leg. Pulling his dagger, sheath and all, from his hip, she placed it beside the broken leg, using it as a splint to keep the fracture immobilized.

"Sig," she hissed into the darkness, "run ahead and get some help." The dwarf nodded and disappeared into the woods, and Eriana turned her attention back to Nathaniel. "Okay, Nate, I'm going to pick you up and get you out of here."

"No, Ana, you can't carry me," Nathaniel protested, wincing and biting back the pain. "Just leave me; go get help. I'll be fine."

"Nathaniel, we are less than a hundred yards from the house. The next patrol will be by here in a few minutes and will find this bloody trap; they'll know someone has been here."

"All the more reason for you to get out while you can."

"I'm not leaving you, Nathaniel, and that's final. Now come on, stand up with me so I can get you \," Eriana said firmly. Wrapping one arm behind the knee of his good leg and grabbing his arm, Eriana pulled Nathaniel up onto her back so that he draped across her shoulders. He could feel her straining under the weight, but somehow, she was managing to move fairly well, just not all that quickly. It felt like an eternity, hanging there helplessly off her shoulders as the tiny elf struggled to carry him. Several times, he begged her to leave him behind, but she refused, hissing at him to be quiet. They were about half way back to the camp when Anders, Garevel and Keenan found them. The moment Garevel took Nathaniel from Eriana's shoulders, she stumbled, the last of her strength finally failing her and fell into Anders' waiting arms. He tried to cast a spell on her, but she stopped him.

"Stabilize his leg first, but don't use too much of your mana. I have a feeling you're going to need it." Anders set her down on the ground and moved over to the liter where the other two men were seeing to Nathaniel. As the mage worked, Eriana closed her eyes and began to mutter to herself in Dalish. A few moments later, a lone white wolf emerged from the dark shadows of the forest and made its way to where the exhausted elf was sitting. "Hello, old friend," she whispered, extending a hand to the massive beast. The animal nuzzled its head gently against her hand for a moment before laying down at her feet. She stroked the wolf for a moment, whispering to it in a language Nathaniel didn't quite understand, but the wolf seemed to get the message because it suddenly leapt to its feet and disappeared back into the woods.

"Well, that didn't last long," Anders said.

Eriana glanced up at him, "He and his pack are scouting for us. Chances are good that we've already been detected, and if that has happened, it's only a matter of time before they realize we have their documents. They'll be coming after us. The wolves will let us know when they're on their way."

"Ah," Anders said. "Well, if we're in for a fight, then we should get back and join the others. I've done all I can without draining myself completely. The leg is stable for now. Once we get him home, I'll be able to heal him the rest of the way."

They moved as quickly as possible back to the rest of their party that was waiting by the cart. Careful not to jar his leg too much, the men placed the injured Nathaniel into the cart then helped Eriana in behind him. As soon as they started moving, Eriana crawled over to where he was laying, lifting his head and gently laying it in her lap so she could stroke his hair. He closed his eyes, trying to focus on the comforting feel of her hands as they moved across his scalp rather than the pain that was shooting through his leg. After several minutes, Eriana finally broke the silence.

"Nathaniel," she whispered to him in a sleepy voice. "Oh, Nate, I'm so sorry. This was all my fault."

"Your fault? How exactly is my stepping on a trap your fault?" he asked, opening his eyes to look up at her.

"Well, I should have pointed it out to you, made sure you saw it; I mean, I could see it clear as day," she said, continuing to run her fingers through his hair, pushing the loose strands back off his face. "I keep forgetting that you don't see as well as I do in the dark; I should have been looking out for you."

"Ana, I'm a big boy; I can handle it. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not your job to look after me. Besides, there's no way you can catch everything. There's no way we can catch everything, even working together. Accidents happen."

"So you don't blame me for getting your leg broken? You're not mad at me?"

Nathaniel smiled and reached up, taking one of her tiny hands in both of his. "Of course not, how could I ever be mad at you?"

Eriana grinned down at him and was about to say something more when a loud howl pierced the silence of the night. Eriana closed her eyes for a moment, listening to the haunting call of the wolf.

"They've found the trap, and they're coming for us." 

-0-

Okay, so I know this chapter is quite a bit longer than usual, but I really wanted to get all this in and get the story moving. I've been fighting the flu this week (ick), so it took me a bit longer to get this together than normal.

As always, let me say a special thanks to those of you who took the time to review. Judy, Kainen, and Eva, thank you so much for your support.


	21. Chapter 21

Eriana was actually starting to allow herself to believe that they may make it back to the Vigil without being attacked. Initially, she had believed that the conspirators would discover the bloody trap immediately, and they would be forced to defend themselves. But they managed to put a few miles between them and Stark Farm before the wolves began howling. Eriana sighed and looked down at Nathaniel whose head was resting in her lap. "They've found the trap, and they're coming for us." She closed her eyes and listened again to the call of the wolves. "There are about thirty armed men following about two miles behind us. We'll outnumbered three to one, and there's no way we can outrun them."

Nathaniel nodded and pushed himself up into a sitting position, glancing around at their surroundings. "There's a clearing about half a mile from here. It backs up against a sheer rock wall, so it would pretty easy to defend. We could make it look like a few of us have set up camp there, trick them into trying to ambush us."

Eriana grinned, "Then ambush them. I like it." She eased out from behind him and leapt from the cart, running up to Garevel to explain their plan. The three rogues would set up a make-shift camp while the knights, along with Oghren and Keenan hid along the sides, waiting to attack. Anders and Velanna would hide out at the back of the camp, attacking and healing while concealed behind the wagons. As they were working out the particulars of their plan, the white alpha wolf came running up to her, followed closely by several other members of the pack. She had summoned wild animals many times in the past, but she had never really bonded with any of them before the way she seemed to bond with this wolf. The entire pack had followed her down from Highever two months earlier and had stayed in the woods around the Keep. In a way, it reminded her of the bond she shared with Ramoth; she could feel whenever he was near and could communicate with him in a deeper way. In the past, her connection with the animals she summoned was only rudimentary, allowing her to direct them toward certain targets. With this wolf, though, she could actually sense his emotions and give him more complex commands, much like she could with her mabari; it was helpful, especially in situations like this.

"Do you think they would be able to help?" Garevel asked looking down at the animals.

Eriana shrugged, "Yeah, I think that would be a good idea. We could get them to hide along the sides, too. The probably wouldn't know what to do with a pack of wolves; the shock of dealing with them might be enough to give us an edge." She turned and glanced at the alpha and whispered to it in Dalish. It gave a quick bark and darted back into the woods to round up the rest of the pack.

It didn't take them long to reach the clearing that Nathaniel had described, and Eriana quickly arranged the ambush, setting up a small camp. Sigrun would stay around the fire in the middle of the camp, pretending to tend the fire, drawing the attackers in. Nathaniel and Eriana would stay at the cart and attack from there, Eriana staying close to defend the injured Nathaniel. The plan was simple; as soon as the conspirators showed up, Sigrun would retreat toward the other two rogues, luring them deeper into the camp so that the warriors could flank them. A few wolves would hide under the wagon, attacking alongside Sigrun once the conspirators were out in the open. It was a good plan, but there was an element of risk for the three rogues, at least until the rest of their party was in position to surprise their pursuers.

"I'm not sure I like this," Nathaniel said, cradling a crossbow against his chest as they waited in the darkness.

Eriana glanced over at him, "It's only because you're injured and can't use your bow. You'll be fine; you're a good enough shot, you can shoot with anything."

Nathaniel shook his head, "No, it's not that. I don't like you putting yourself at risk to protect me. I mean, we're doing this to protect you from the people who are trying to kill you. Isn't that the whole purpose of this raid? And now, you are putting yourself right out there in the thick of things."

"So what do you suggest, that I just leave you here, broken leg and all, to defend yourself while I go and hide?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, that is exactly what I'm suggesting. Once they realize you're here, they'll target you. It's just too big of a risk, putting you out in the open like this."

Eriana knelt down next to him, "Nathaniel, you've known me now for two months. In that time, have I ever backed down from a fight because there was a little danger involved?"

"No, and that's why I'm not insisting that you run and hide. I'm just pointing out the fact that I'm not happy with it." He smiled up at her, "I know you're far too stubborn, or is it selfless, to back down and let others stand up for you. I just don't want to see you get hurt on account of me."

"I'm not going to get hurt, Nate; I've fought against greater odds than this. We've got a good plan in place, and with the wolves helping us, those dumb guards will be so confused, they won't even know what hit them." She heard one of the wolves give a sharp whine from the bushes. "Now, hush up and look injured. They're here."

Across the clearing, a handful of armed figures stepped out of the bushes, weapons unsheathed, eyes focused menacingly on the small camp site before them. Lady Packton was at point, smiling grimly at scene before her. Sigrun gave a sudden, very convincing, cry of alarm and sprung to her feet, grabbing her weapons and backing toward the cart. If Eriana didn't know any better, she would have sworn the legionnaire was truly surprised to see the attackers.

Eriana stood up in the cart, her nocked arrow fixed on Packton. "What are you doing here?" she demanded.

"Oh, commander, I think you know," the noble said with a sneer in her voice. "You have something that belongs to us, and I have come to collect." She chuckled lightly, "Funny, and here I thought the legendary Commander of the Grey, Hero of Ferelden, would be difficult to kill, but it seems that all one needs to do is find you alone. I guess I have wasted my money. No matter, perhaps I can convince Esmerelle to refund it once I take care of this little problem for all of us."

Eriana shifted, keeping her arrow trained on the noble, not wanting to start the fight until they had drawn them deeper into the camp. Sigrun's hands tightened around her daggers as she backed up against the cart. "And what makes you think you will get away with this. Don't you know rising up against your liege lord is treason; you could be hanged at the next Landsmeet for this."

"Only if you lived to testify. As it stands now, it looks like you were simply ambushed by some bandits as you were returning to your Keep. There are only three of you; do you really expect to be able to stand up to us. Such a shame, really, your career as a noble had only just begun." She laughed again, "It's a pity you didn't make it; it was quite a novelty to see a knife-ear like you in a role other than servant or whore. It is, after all, all your kind is good for."

Eriana's hands tightened on her bow. "So what are you going to do, kill me? Brilliant plan, but tell me this, then, who exactly is going to stop the darkspawn, once the Grey Wardens are gone?"

"Oh, I don't plan on killing all the Grey Wardens; just you three. The rest will be free to kill all the darkspawn that they want, under proper supervision, of course."

"You'll never get away with this," Eriana hissed.

"You fool," the human woman snapped back, "I already have." She raised her sword and let out a massive war cry, ordering her forces to attack, but before they could close in on the rogues, two massive fire spells slammed into them, knocking most of the armed men to the ground as they writhed in pain.

The air was sudden filled with the sounds of metal on metal and war cries as Eriana's knights and Wardens immerged from the camp's perimeter, attacking the fallen soldiers before they could get back on their feet. Eriana began carefully firing arrow after arrow into the fray, picking off the soldiers who were approaching from the rear, keeping a careful eye on her own company, making sure none of them were surprised by an unseen attack. She could hear Oghren's angry voice bellowing out through the clearing as he charged at the largest of the soldiers, swinging his massive ax over his head. Behind her, Anders and Velanna were summoning a myriad of spells, bombarding the stunned attackers with lightning, stone fists, and crushing prisons. It was obvious that these men had never fought against mages before as they were totally unsure how to deal with the magical attacks. It didn't take long for it become clear that despite their smaller numbers, the Wardens definitely had the upper hand in the fight, and their enemies were dropping quickly.

Eriana stayed perched in the cart, standing over a seated Nathaniel as he leveled shot after shot with the crossbow. She was so focused on the fighting in front of her, that she completely forgot to watch her own flank, so she was completely unaware of the fact that a cloaked figure was sneaking up behind her.

"Anders, Velanna, move in and make sure no one is injured," she shouted without looking over her shoulder, "but stay close to the wolves." The two mages nodded and moved forward toward the dying action in the clearing, taking three of the wolves with them. Eriana raised her bow, about to fire again when Nathaniel suddenly grabbed her around the waist, pulling her down to the ground beside him and rolling over on top of her like he was trying to shield her from something. A second later, she heard him groan in pain and felt as his warm blood began to soak her armor. Wasting no time, she pulled out her dagger and lashed out at the man kneeling over them, sinking her dagger deep into the side of his neck. The man reeled, holding the gushing wound with one hand as he staggered backward, falling off the cart and making a sickening thud as he hit the ground.

Eriana didn't care; the whole of her attention was now focused on the man slowly bleeding to death beside her. Frantically, her hands moved over him. "Anders," she shouted, looking toward the fight, her hands wet with the blood from the deep wound on Nathaniel's side. "Please, Nate, stay with me," she whispered, desperately trying to staunch the blood pouring from his side. She pulled out a health potion, holding it to his lips, begging him to drink. Eriana watched as he struggled to swallow the drink, sputtering and coughing for a moment before his eyes locked for a moment with hers. He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could talk, his eyes rolled back in his head and he slumped to the ground beside her. "No, no, Nathaniel, please," she shrieked, her hands going back to the wound on his side which was still gushing blood. "Don't you do this to me Nate, please hang in there," she hissed at him, putting pressure on the wound. Suddenly, a figure appeared out of the darkness beside them, and Eriana spun around, crouching over Nathaniel's unconscious body, daggers out, ready to attack. A part of her brain registered the fact that she was hissing like some feral wildcat, but she couldn't bring herself to care. No one was touching Nathaniel, not while she still drew breath.

"Easy, commander," Anders said, softly, appearing out of the darkness, moving toward them cautiously. "It's just me."

Eriana nodded and shifted back, giving Anders access to the rogue, but never lowering her weapons. "Save him, Anders. Please…you have to…I can't…"

Anders put a hand on her, taking the daggers from her hands, "I've got him, Eriana; he'll be okay." Eriana sat down, clutching one of Nathaniel's hands tightly in hers as the mage went to work, his hands glowing as they moved quickly over the wound. Nathaniel's breathing seemed to stabilize as the healing spells began to take effect, but he still looked deathly pale. Anders was concentrating hard, sweat pouring down his face as he downed a couple of lyrium potions, his hands never leaving the rogue's side. After what seemed like an eternity, he sighed and sat back, whipping the moisture off his forehead.

"Well, I've done what I can without completely addling myself. The bleeding's stopped, but he's lost a good deal of blood. He'll likely be out for the next few hours, but he'll make a full recovery."

Eriana released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding and threw her arms around the mage's neck. "Thank you Anders; I don't know where we'd be without you."

He grinned down at her, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. "Who knows where you'd be, but you'd be a lot less stylish, that's for sure." He patted her lightly on the back. "You go and check up on everyone else, okay; I'll stay here and keep an eye on Howe."

Eriana pulled away, sparing Nathaniel another look before hopping up and moving into the clearing to search for Garevel. She found the commander of her knights kneeling over the body of Lady Packton. "So, Garevel," she said, taking a knee beside him, "how did we do?"

"No casualties and only a few minor injuries. Velanna is seeing to them now." He glanced up over his shoulder. "How's Nathaniel?"

Eriana winced, "He's lost a lot of blood, but Anders says he'll be okay."

Garevel smiled, "That's good to hear." He stood up, whipping off his hands as he did. "So what's the plan; where do we go from here?"

Eriana reached down and pulled the signet ring from the dead noble's hand before she got to her feet. "I need you to go around and check the bodies, see if you can identify any more members of my nobility," she said, handing him the ring. "If you find someone else, collect their ring; we need proof of who attacked us. Plus, we should probably collect something that has the heraldry of all the houses that attacked us, so have the men look for markings on weapons and armor." She ran her fingers through her hair and looked around the clearing. "We should probably collect the bodies so that we can set fire to them before we leave. Once that's done, have everyone get some rest; we'll leave for the keep in the morning."

Garevel nodded and began moving among the uninjured, giving them directions before he started inspecting the bodies. Eriana made her way over to where Velanna was tending to the wounded, helping out as much as she could, applying health poultices and bandaging injuries. Slowly the noise around the camp began to die down as everyone tried to get in a little sleep. After a short argument with the dwarf, she finally convinced Oghren to get some rest, assuring him that she simply wasn't tired. As everyone was beginning to doze off, Garevel approached her, handing her a chin with four rings on it.

"Smyth, Brytenland, Harrion, and Packton," she said, comparing the names to the papers they had retrieved from the farmhouse. "So we got four of the six conspirators."

"It seems that way. Now we're only missing Esmerelle and Temmerly, but we have enough evidence here to convict them on charges of treason."

Eriana closed her eyes and held the rings to her chest, "It's over, then. Esmerelle would be a fool to try to attack me now, now that her allies are nearly all dead."

"I hope so, Commander, but I wouldn't count on it. A wounded animal is a dangerous one. She may lash out in spite."

"But Esmerelle is no animal; surely she's smarter than that." Eriana patted the guard on the arm. "You did well tonight, Captain, you and your men. Why don't you get some rest; there's at least four more hours until sunup."

Garevel shook his head. "With all due respect, Commander, I think you need more rest than I do. You look dead on your feet."

"I'll be fine; I'm used to operating on very little sleep. Besides, I can keep an eye on things through the pack, and if need be, I'll sleep on the way back." Garevel tried a bit longer to protest, but eventually, as everyone always did with Eriana, he relented and bid her goodnight.

Eriana stood by herself in the middle of the silent, sleeping camp, allowing the feeling of relief to wash over her. They had the evidence they needed to finally put an end to all this. Finally, she could focus on the darkspawn, now that most of her enemies, her human enemies, were dead, and she hadn't lost a single man. She glanced over to the cart where Anders was still sitting beside Nathaniel. It had come as a bit of a shock to her, how frantic she had been when Nathaniel had collapsed on top of her. She hadn't really realized just how much she had come to rely on the human rogue, how much she trusted and depended on him. The thought of losing him…the very idea was nearly unbearable. He had somehow worked his way into heart, filling a bit of the void left behind by Zevran. After reaching down briefly to pet the alpha wolf who had wandered over to her, Eriana made her way over to the cart, sending Anders to his tent while she kept an eye on the unconscious man.

Sitting beside him in the dark, Eriana tried to sort out her feelings for him. She didn't love him, didn't have any romantic feelings toward him at all, so why was she so scared of losing him? Maybe it was because she needed him. He was so like Zevran in so many ways, yet he was different enough that it didn't hurt to be around him. Perhaps that was the key. He was familiar enough to be comforting, but not so familiar that it hurt to be near him. Who would have ever guessed that a human noble man, a Howe no less, would come to mean so much to her, would come to be so essential to her survival? In their short time together, he had become everything to her, all of her closest friends from the blight rolled into one. He was Leliana, someone she could go to for advice about anything and everything. He was Alistair, a fierce and strong protector, someone who would stand between her and all those who would try to hurt her. And, in a way, he was Zevran, the one person in the world who could make her feel special and secure amid all the uncertainty in the world. Breathing a quiet prayer of thanks to the Maker, Eriana settled down to keep watch, Nathaniel's head securely resting on her lap.

-0-

Pacing and waiting. Soris was pretty sure those two things would likely make up a majority of his life now that he was living at Vigil's keep with his cousin. When he and Eriana decided that he would be moving into the keep with her, she had decided that he first needed to return to Denerim. He had been hesitant at first, not really eager to return to the city, but Eriana had been insistent. Her reasoning made sense; he had to pack up the rest of his things since he would be staying long term. And there was the matter of her father, Cyrion would need to talk to Soris face-to-face if he was going to convince her father that she was doing fine.

"Besides," she said, "I have a ton of things I need you to take care of in the city. There are some weapons that I need you to sell to Gorim, the dwarf who runs the stall in the marketplace, and I need you to arrange to have some materials shipped up here too." She glanced around a bit, making sure there was no one around. "There's one more thing, and this is really important. I need you to take this letter to Braxton at the Gnawed Noble tavern, and I need you to do this as soon as you get there. You will also need to stop by on the way out to get a reply from him."

Soris looked down at the letter. "Is this business or personal?"

"A little bit of both, but it is very important, too important to trust it to regular post, okay."

So he agreed to travel back to the city to pack his belongings and run her errands, and, much to his dismay, he didn't get to travel alone. Eriana sent a small detail of knights along with him. He had been resistant to the idea at first, arguing that he had made it to the keep safely without help, but when Eriana decided to do something, there was no changing her mind. So rather than push the issue, Soris just relented and agreed to travel with the human guards. Just before he left, Eriana gave him a coin pouch filled with sovereigns and silver pieces along with a set of instructions and a list of supplies she needed from the capital. Taking care of all that business for her had ended up taking much more time than he realized. All told, he spent three entire days moving through the marketplace, doing business on behalf of his cousin. By the end of the week, he was very grateful for his armed escort because he was carrying more gold than he had ever seen, let alone held, in his life.

Soris may have been happy for the company of guards, but that didn't make him instantly comfortable being surrounded by human men all day. Having spent his entire life in the alienage, he had never gotten to spend time with humans, and the few times he had come into contact with humans had been less than pleasant. He should have realized that by moving into the Keep with his cousin he would be forced to be around humans a lot more, but he had been so focused on getting to Eriana, he hadn't taken time to really consider the ramifications of his move. In a way, he appreciated the fact that Eriana threw him right into the thick of things, showing everyone that she trusted him and forcing him to associate with the humans. Still, it didn't make him instantly comfortable around the men. They were decent enough, he guessed, but he was definitely eager to get back to the Keep, eager to be back around another elf again.

It was unsettling to him, then, arrive back at the Vigil, only to be greeted not by his cousin, but by her seneschal who informed him that Eriana was out on a dangerous mission, trying to root out those who were trying to kill her.

"They left a few hours ago, and I don't expect her back until well into the day tomorrow," Varel said, motioning for servants to come up and begin unloading the cart. "Until then, we can get you settled into your room; Eriana indicated that you should have the one across the hall from hers."

Soris nodded and thanked Varel before heading up to his room to wash up and unpack. Unfortunately, he didn't have enough to really keep him busy for long, so he found himself back in the main hall, pacing alongside Varel, waiting for Eriana and the Wardens to return.

It was well past mid morning before the keep's scouts reported activity on the road. Following Varel into the courtyard, Soris scanned the group, looking for his cousin's familiar form. Instead, Garevel, the Captain of her guard was at head of the group, walking beside Keenan and Oghren. Eriana was nowhere to be seen. Soris didn't wait for the company to get to them, instead, he raced forward to meet them. Before he even got there, Oghren held up his hands, "She's okay, kid; she's just sleeping in the cart."

"Sleeping," Soris said, stopping a bit short of them. "Is she hurt?"

"No, just exhausted," Oghren said. "She stayed on watch all night, and before you fuss at us, she refused our offers to help. You know how she can be. So this morning when we started back, I made Anders here cast a sleep spell on her to knock her out for a few hours. She was dead on her feet."

Soris nodded and rushed past the dwarf, hopping up into the cart to check on his cousin. He wasn't exactly ready for what the sight before him. There was Eriana, curled up next to Nathaniel, her head resting on his shoulder, her arm draped across his chest. Nathaniel's arm was wrapped around her waist, his hand resting on her hip. Soris cleared his throat loudly, and the human opened his eyes and glanced up at him for a second before he gave the blond elf in his arms a slight nudge. "Ana," he whispered down at her, "Ana, wake up."

Eriana's eyes shot open and she sat up, looking frantically around. "How did we get back here?" she asked looking down at Nathaniel. "Did I fall asleep?"

Nathaniel grinned and nodded up at her. "In a manner of speaking, I think Anders knocked you out before we started out." Eriana growled, eliciting a weak laugh from her fellow rogue. "It was for you own good."

"I love how everyone thinks they know what's best for me."

"Well, cousin, in this case, I'd have to agree with them. You still look like shit." He grinned and extended her a hand. "Come on, I'll get you up to your room."

Eriana shook her head but used his arm to pull herself to her feet. "No, I need to meet with Varel before I get any sleep; we need to discuss the information that I've found."

"What ever it is, I'm sure it can wait until you've gotten some sleep."

Eriana glared at her cousin. "Apparently, I just got some sleep. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go change and wash off. Tell Varel and Garevel that I'll meet them in my office in an hour."

Soris rolled his eyes and helped her out of the cart. "Fine, but at the very least, you're going to eat something while you meet with them."

"Fine," she said, making her way toward the keep. "Oh, and Anders, once you get a chance, check up on Nate, would you." The mage nodded at her and made his way over to the cart where some of the knights were helping the archer down.

Soris went to the larder to get her some food, and then spent the rest of the morning waiting outside her office while she and her two advisors met. By the time she left the room, she looked absolutely exhausted. "Bed, now."

Eriana smiled and let him lead her back up toward her quarters. He talked to her about his trip to Denerim as they walked, passing along greetings from Cyrion and Shianni.

"Oh," he said, pulling a letter out of his breast pocket, "this is from Braxton. He wanted me to pass along a message, too, something he didn't want written down. He said, 'Ignacio is an important man in Antiva, but Vito is the man to see in Ferelden.' Whatever that means."

Eriana nodded. "It makes sense to me; thanks Soris," she said as they opened to door to her quarters and made their way back into her sleeping chambers.

The moment they entered her room, she crawled into bed without protest, pausing only to remove her boots. She was asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. Smiling down at his cousin, Soris closed the drapes to the window, then moved into her sitting room to read.

-0-

Eriana woke up to hushed voices arguing in her sitting room. She sighed and glanced around her sleeping chambers. Judging by the light coming through the drapes, it was nearing nightfall; she had been asleep for most of the afternoon. Feeling slightly refreshed, Eriana pulled a Grey Warden tunic on over her rumpled clothes and made her way into the sitting room to figure out what the argument was about.

"Keenan, I don't care how important you think this is," Soris was hissing. "My cousin needs her sleep, and that's that."

"If my sleep was that important Sor, you should have taken the fight outside," Eriana said, coming into the room. She glanced up at Keenan, "So what was so important that it couldn't wait until morning?"

"There's someone you need to meet, Commander," he said, moving back to the door and sticking his head into the hall. "Aura, would you come in here please." When he stepped back into the room, he was followed by a small, nervous looking blond woman. "Commander Tabris, this is Aura, her husband Kirstoff was part of my company."

Eriana nodded, "I'm so sorry for you loss, but I'm not sure what I can do for you."

Aura cast Keenan a nervous glance. "It's not quite that simple. You see, Kristoff was sent out on a scouting mission the day the keep was attacked. He was supposed to scout out the entire arling, looking for pockets of darkspawn. He left in the morning before the attack."

Eriana's eyes widened, "Are you telling me there's another Warden alive out there?" She turned to Keenan. "Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"

"I didn't know about Kristoff's mission. I was the most junior Warden in the company; they didn't exactly come to me with their plans. Until she showed up today, I thought Kristoff had died along with the rest of the Wardens."

"But he didn't," Eriana said, turning to the woman, "so where is he?"

"I'm not exactly sure," Aura said. "He sent me letters telling me where all he had been, but he didn't exactly tell me where he was going next. Apparently he wasn't telling people he was a Warden because it seemed like he hadn't heard about what happened here. Then a few weeks ago, his letters just stopped."

"Was there any indication as to where he might have been headed?"

"I think his last letter said something about the Blackmarsh being the last place he needed to check. If I was to guess, I'd say he was headed there."

"And how long has it been since you heard from him?"

"His last letter came three weeks ago. Please, do you think there's any chance?"

"I hope so, Aura, and I'll do whatever I can to find him." Eriana glanced up at Keenan, "Find Sigrun and Anders and let them know that we'll be leaving in the morning for the Blackmarsh."

Keenan nodded and turned toward a now tearful Aura, "Thank you, Commander."

Eriana placed a hand on the human woman's arm, "Why don't you stay here until we know something more certain?" The woman nodded and excused herself. Keenan thanked her and followed the woman out.

"Are you sure you're up to another adventure? I mean you haven't exactly recovered from the last one."

"Soris," Eriana said, trying hard to keep the frustration out of her voice. "There is a fellow Warden out there. I have to try to find him, or at the very least, find out what happened to him. I will not leave a brother in arms to suffer at the hands of the darkspawn a day longer just because I need a bit more sleep."

"Hey, don't get snippy. You brought me here to look out for you, and that's what I'm doing whether you like it or not."

"I know, but that doesn't mean you get to dictate Warden business. Now, let's go grab some dinner; I'm starving."

Soris smiled. "That's what I like to hear," he said, possessing himself of her arm and leading her toward the dining hall. Most of the other Grey Wardens, except for Keenan, were there already, looking reasonably well rested. They all shouted greetings at the two elves as they walked in.

Eriana sat down between her cousin and Nathaniel, who was looking much better. Between bites, she explained what Keenan had told her about the missing Warden, and they all agreed with her that he needed to be found as quickly as possible.

"Good, so, I'll be taking Keenan, Sigrun, and Anders with me tomorrow. Oghren, you're in command till I get back."

Nathaniel's head shot up and he glanced over at her. "I'm not going?"

Eriana shook her head, "No, you're staying here until that leg is mended. I can take over the archery until you're better."

"But…I'm fine, it's just a little sore. I'll be fine, I swear. Besides, I know more about the Blackmarsh than anyone else here."

"What, did your dad let you play there when you were a kid or something?"

"No, but he did tell me stories about it. Come on, Eriana…"

Oghren snorted, "What's the matter Howe? Sore about being left behind."

Eriana was about to respond when there was a sudden clank beside her; she glanced over to find Soris staring at her, his face red with fury. "Howe," he hissed, glaring past her at Nathaniel. "That is Nathaniel Howe?"

Eriana took a deep breath and reached out for her cousin. "Soris…"

"No," he cut her off, getting to his feet and glaring down at her. All around her, the Wardens, Nathaniel included, were giving her confused looks. "Please tell me that you didn't recruit Nathaniel Howe."

"Soris, this isn't what you think…"

"Andraste's tits, you did; you recruited a Howe," he shouted at her. "By the Black City, Eriana, what were you thinking? Do you even remember what his family is like? I mean after everything…"

"Soris," Eriana said, leaping to her feet and grabbing her cousin by the arm. "Shut your mouth. This is not the place for this," she said, pulling him quickly by the arm, out of the dining hall and away from the other Wardens.

As soon as they were in private, Soris grabbed her, pinning her to the wall. "Are you insane, Ana? Nathaniel Howe. I hope you haven't forgotten what his brother did to you because I sure haven't."

Eriana growled up at him. "Of course I haven't forgotten about Thomas; how could I? But Nathaniel is not Thomas, okay Soris, and he's not his father either."

"Sweet Maker, Eriana, why are you so stupid when it comes to the damn human noblemen. I mean, really, how long have you been fucking this one, huh? Is it a recent development, or did it start the moment you recruited him."

Eriana's hand stung as she slapped him across the face. "How dare you? I'm not screwing Nathaniel."

"Well that must be a record then, around him a whole week and you've yet to drop your pants for him."

She reached for him again, but he moved too quickly for her this time. "Soris, you ass, you have no idea what you're talking about."

"Really, because I seem to remember you putting out for every nobleman in Denrim some time ago, so what changed, huh? Get tired of human men?"

"You think that's what I wanted? You think I was some kind of slut that just put out for these human assholes?"

"I don't know, you seemed to enjoy Thomas enough."

"Because Thomas was nice to me!" she shouted, her eyes filling with tears. "He didn't force me the way everyone else did. He was kind, at least at first, and he made me feel special."

"Yeah, real special, he dumped you, knocked up, knocked around, and bleeding at the gate of the alienage. And then you trust his brother. You really are a stupid slut, aren't you?"

"His brother is different; Nathaniel is different. Trust me, he's a good man."

"Well, forgive me if I don't believe you, but the last man you said that about took off for Antiva without so much as a word. So forgive me if I don't trust your judgment in men."

Eriana drew back like she had been slapped. "You know what, Soris, if you think so little of me, maybe you should just go back to Denerim and leave me the hell alone," she screamed, storming past him and running blindly through the keep. She didn't know where she was going; she just needed to get away. Somehow, she found herself at Nathaniel's door. Without bothering to knock, the ducked inside, latching the door behind her before collapsing to the ground, yielding herself to her tears. She wasn't there for more than a few seconds when a pair of strong arms encircled her, lifting her up and carrying her across the room and laying her on the bed. Clinging to the tunic in front of her, she buried her head in his broad, comfortable chest. He never asked why she was there, never asked her what was bothering her, never asked what he could do to help; he just knew. He simply held her in his arms, whispering to her that he was there for her and that he would take care of her, and that, for the moment, was all she really needed.

-0-

Okay, so another long one, but I really needed to get the confrontation with Soris in this chapter. I know he's being a bit of a jerk, but he's just protective and very anti-human (and for good reason).

A huge thanks to my reviewers, Jen4306, Danyal, Judy, and Gidget…thanks so much you guys! I appreciate the reviews more than I can express. And to those of you who added alerts and faves, welcome aboard. I hope you enjoy. And finally, a huge thanks to those of you who are still reading. I appreciate it a ton. Hope you enjoy!


	22. Chapter 22

The gray light of morning was just beginning to creep through the windows when Nathaniel woke up to a stiff leg and a warm body curled up against him. It was the second time in last two days that Nathaniel had woken up to find Eriana's small, warm body beside him, and if he was being perfectly honest with himself, it wasn't exactly a bad thing. It had been rather nice not to wake up alone in a cold, empty bed, and it had been such a long time since he had woken up any other way. Not since… No, best not to let his mind go there. Not now, not when there was nothing that could be done about it anyway. Instead, he turned his attention back to the woman who was currently sharing his bed. The small elf had one arm draped casually across him, a leg interlocked with his uninjured one. Her blonde head was resting lightly on his shoulder, her face turned up toward his, eyes still closed in sleep, cheeks still stained with tears from the previous night.

It had not been an easy night for Eriana. She had tossed and turned for most of the night, occasionally waking for a moment only to cry herself to sleep once again. It was well past midnight before sheer exhaustion pulled her into a deep and moderately peaceful sleep. She never really told him what had upset her so much, but he could put two and two together. He had seen the way Soris had looked at him when Oghren revealed Nathaniel's last name, and he had also seen how quickly Eriana had pulled her cousin away to talk to him in private. It didn't take a Chantry scholar to figure out that the conversation did not go well, judging by the fact that a tearful Eriana stumbled into his room only an hour later. Nathaniel hadn't pushed her for information; he simply carried her to his bed and let her cry, knowing full well that that was all she really needed from him.

Sighing softly to himself, Nathaniel shifted his leg slightly, trying to work the stiffness out of it without moving too much and waking Eriana. But the moment he began to move, the elf made a small sigh and shifted closer to him, wrapping an arm around him and nuzzling her cheek against his chest for a moment before lifting her head to look up at him, her chin resting on his chest. He smiled down at her and gently brushed the hair off her face. "Hey you," he said, smiling down at her. "You feeling better this morning?"

The blonde elf grunted and flopped her head back down, "Not really."

Nathaniel ran his hand up and down her back, pulling her closer in the process, trying to ignore the effect her warm body was having on him. "Why not," he asked, trying to focus on the top of her head, "didn't you sleep well?"

Eriana shrugged her shoulders, "I probably slept better than I would have had I been alone, that's for sure, but that's not saying much. Had I been by myself, I probably wouldn't have slept at all." She sighed and rolled away from him so she could look back up at him. "I guess it's a good thing I snuck in here, or I would have been in no shape to head out this morning."

"You know you can always delay your departure for another day; I would probably be well enough to head out with you if you left tomorrow. Why don't I just run down stairs and tell everyone you got sick and need a day off? How's that sound?"

Eriana grinned, "Nice try, Nathaniel, but we're still leaving today. And you are going to stay here and concentrate on getting better, understood?"

"Yeah, yeah, I understand," he said with a disappointed sigh as he propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at her. "So does that mean you're leaving me now to get ready?"

Eriana glanced back at the window behind them and groaned. "I probably need to, but I'm sure Soris is in my room, waiting for me, and I would really rather not talk to him." She rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, sinking back into the pillow. "In fact," she said, looking up at him, "I'd rather not talk to anyone until we leave. Well, anyone but you, of course."

Nathaniel grinned down at her. "I think I can arrange that," he said, crawling out of the bed. "Just give me a second, okay." He tucked the blankets around her and turned to walk away. Hesitating a moment, he turned back to the young woman who was looking up at him, an intrigued look on her face. He smiled down at her and sat back down on the edge of the bed, pushing the short loose strands of blonde hair back off her face as he leaned over her. "I'll be right back," he said, looking down at her for a moment before giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. She blinked up at him, a surprised look on face. For a moment Nathaniel was afraid he crossed a line until she smiled up at him.

"Okay," she muttered, turning her head back into his pillow and pulling the blankets around her. "I'll just be waiting here then, where it's nice and warm." Nathaniel laughed and pulled on a pair of boots. He spared one final glance back toward his bed and the young woman who he was pretty sure had fallen back asleep before disappearing out into the hallway.

-0-

Eriana waited until she heard the door shut behind Nathaniel before she sat up and began to take stock in the situation. This was the second time she had come to Nathaniel in a moment of weakness; the second time he had been the one to comfort her, to chase away the demons that were plaguing her; to stop the raging fire that was burning inside her.

Groaning, she wrapped her arms around Nathaniel's pillow, pulling it to her face and breathing in his unique smell. The first time she turned to him, she had no other choice; he was the only person in Amaranthine when she had her first major break down. This time, the argument about him nearly triggered a second breakdown, so it was only natural that she come to him for comfort. At least that's what she was telling herself.

Without meaning to, her mind went back to the conversation, no, the argument she and Soris had the previous evening. If she was being perfectly honest with herself, she couldn't exactly blame her cousin for his blow up. He had every right to be upset about her allowing Nathaniel to join the Wardens, and she really should have told him the moment he arrived at the keep who Nathaniel really was. It just honestly slipped her mind, and Soris always had a tendency to be brutally honest when he had her best interest at heart. He had just never been so…well, harsh before, but all of that, she could have handled if he hadn't crossed that line, if he hadn't mentioned Zevran. Not only had he mentioned Zevran, he mentioned his leaving, the only taboo subject in the Keep, the one thing that no one ever mentioned. That was what sent her running for Nathaniel's room; that was what plunged her into nightmare after nightmare where she was chasing after Zevran as he walked out on her again and again; that was what left her feeling so empty and broken inside.

Sighing to herself, she rolled over and pulled her knees up to her chest, trying desperately to push down the pain that was gnawing at her chest. Why was it that every time things started to look better for her, every time she finally felt like she was getting a handle on things, something would happen to destroy her once again? She felt like she was standing in the midst of a violent ocean, being crushed by wave upon wave, struggling to get back on her feet only to be knocked down again. Would this pain ever end? No, not likely, not without some kind of closure. Until she had closure, this hurt she was feeling would likely remain a gaping wound, torn open again and again by the smallest things. She was tired of hurting, tired of trying, tired of feeling worthless and unloved, and just tired. It was all wearing her down. Closing her eyes, she pulled Nathaniel's pillow to her face and tried to focus on the positive things in her life, but how can you see the light amid so much darkness? How can you stand alone amid all this pain?

But she wasn't alone; there were people there on whom she could depend, people she could trust, people who would be there for her. Just then, Eriana felt the bed beside her move as Nathaniel crawled back into it, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close to his shirtless chest. His breath was warm on the back of her neck as he snuggled up against her. She breathed deeply, drawing in the warm, musky smell of him, the security and comfort she felt as his arms wrapped around her. Sighing contentedly, she turned over to face him, his stormy blue eyes piercing through her, and without a second thought, she pulled his face down to hers. For a moment, she was afraid that he would hesitate, that her kiss might be met with some resistance, but the moment their lips touched, she felt his arms tighten around her, drawing her body against his as his mouth hungrily devoured hers. Her lips parted as they both deepened the kiss, and as his ministrations became more desperate and passionate, Eriana felt all the pain of the last few months melt away.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Eriana felt Nathaniel shift, rolling them over in the bed so that he was on top of her, his long black hair framing his face as he gazed down at her. He seemed to inspect her for a moment, drinking in the sight of her before smiling and lowering himself on top of her. His hand began to work its way down her side, barely caressing her the side of her breast as it moved down to the hem of her tunic. Skilled and calloused hands began to move across the skin of her stomach, leaving a trail of fire behind as they worked their way up to her breast band, removing it with ease. Her hands too had begun to move, traveling across his bare, muscular shoulders. She hitched a leg around his hip, drawing him closer, feeling the hardness of his length as he pressed against her. It was almost too much for her to bear. After months of being alone, to be this close to a man again, to feel his desire and passion for her, it was nearly overwhelming. She thrust her hips against him, eliciting a delicious moan from him as he began to leave a trail of kisses down her neck and up to her ear. It was her turn to moan as his tongue licked over the tip of her ear, causing her entire body to reel in pleasure.

Eriana opened her eyes to look up at him, his eyes dark with desire. Once more, his lips were on hers, nibbling, suckling, and caressing them somehow all at the same time. She was dizzy with anticipation when he finally slipped one hand beneath the hem of her trousers, moving down with practiced precision to her warm, wet center. Skilled fingers found her nub and began caressing it, sending wave upon wave of pleasure through her body. She groaned and thrust up against him, eager for him to bring her to her satisfaction, eager for that warm, contented feeling to wash over her. She reached for him, desperate to touch him, to feel him inside her, but he deftly moved out of the way.

"Let go, Ana, just let go. Let me do this for you," Nathaniel whispered into her ear. Who was she to argue? Letting go of all her inhibitions, she turned herself over, completely giving into the rogue's practiced hand, letting him carry her over the edge. Trembling against him, she gasped his name as the waves of pleasure washed over her, a single tear rolling down her cheek.

Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked up at Nathaniel as he grinned down at her. Wrapping her arms around the rogue's neck, Eriana pulled him close to her, savoring the feel of his body against hers. "Nathaniel, please, I need you…"

He tilted his head and looked down at her. "Are you sure," he whispered, gently stroking her cheek. "We don't have to rush into anything you're not ready for just yet."

Eriana pulled Nathaniel's face down to hers capturing his lips in a passionate kiss. She felt his arms snake around her, pulling his body to hers as he deepened the kiss; it was all the reassurance she needed. Moving slowly and methodically, Eriana's hands danced down his chest to his waistband, gently easing his trousers down over his hips, listening as he moaned in her ear as her hand brushed against his length. Apparently, she was moving too slowly for him because he hastily reached down, pulling his breeches off and throwing them to floor before positioning himself between her legs. She felt him brush against her, and then, for a moment, he seemed to hesitate, so Eriana took charge, thrusting her hips up to meet him. Their moans filled the room as he eased slowly into her, filling her more fully than she imagined possible.

Eriana threw her head back, moaning Nathaniel's name as he began to move with her, slowly and gently at first, then with increasing urgency. She could feel the fire building in her as he once again drove her to the edge of pure pleasure. Just as she was beginning to feel her climax building, Nathaniel suddenly stopped. Crying out in frustration, she opened her eyes to look at him.

"Ana, are you okay?"

"Wha?" she muttered, looking up into his concerned ice blue eyes, completely confused. "Of course I'm okay, what are you doing?"

"Ana, sweetie, you need to wake up…"

-0-

Nathaniel made his way up to his quarters, a tray of food in hand. He had hoped that Eriana would go back to sleep while he was out, so he had taken his time getting back to the room. First, he had stopped to see Vanessa, Eriana's handmaiden, to see if she could pack her travel pack for her and collect the commander's armor and weapons. As he passed Eriana's quarters, he hazarded a peek into the room, and sure enough, Soris was in there waiting for her, asleep on the couch. "Serves him right," Nathaniel muttered to himself, closing the door silently and making his way down to the larder. Luckily, the kitchens were relatively empty, so no one saw him collecting a huge amount of food and disappearing back upstairs.

Nathaniel could hear her moaning the moment he entered his room, so he put the tray of food on a small table and raced to the back room. There he found the small elf, thrashing around on the bed, groaning in her sleep. Needless to say, he was afraid she was in the middle of one of her Zevran or darkspawn nightmares. Rushing to her side, Nathaniel nudged her, gently urging her to wake up, but careful not to startle her too much, she tended to lash out when she was startled out of sleep. She began to mutter, tossing and turning a bit before she sat straight up, her eyes darting around to room. When she finally seemed to register his presence, a strange, almost embarrassed look crossed her face and for some reason, she actually started to blush.

"No need to be embarrassed, we all have nightmares here from time to time. So what was this one, darkspawn of Zevran?"

Eriana looked down, biting her bottom lip. "Um, neither. It wasn't exactly a nightmare, per say. It was…well, it was just a dream."

"Oh," Nathaniel said, glancing down at her for a moment before he realized what she was saying. A big grin crossed his face. "Oooohhhh, one of those dreams then? So, who was it this time, another Anders the pirate mage dream? Please tell me he turned into the Architect again this time?"

Eriana groaned and buried her head in his pillow. "I am so not talking about this, so you can just forget it," she muttered, her voice muffled by the pillow.

"Keeping your own personal wizard fantasy a secret, huh? Okay, then." She kind of snarled at him, keeping her head buried in the pillow. Nathaniel laughed, getting up and heading over to the fire. "Well, since you won't tell me, I guess I'll just have to use my imagination then," he said with a laugh as he placed a tea kettle over the fire. "Whenever you're done fantasizing about your blonde-headed mage, you can come over here and help yourself to some breakfast."

Eriana's head popped up, "You brought me breakfast?"

Nathaniel nodded, "Yep, there's some fruit, some bread and cheese, and a bit of salted pork, nothing too heavy. If you can wait a few minutes, I'll have some tea ready for you too. And in about an hour, Vanessa will be by with your armor, weapons, and travel pack. I told you I'd take care of things, didn't I."

Eriana grinned, sitting down at the table and looking up at him. "You're too good to me, Nathaniel," she said picking at the food in front of her, the strange look still on her face. She sat there eating for a while, watching as Nathaniel made her a cup of tea and come to sit next to her on the sofa.

"So," Nathaniel said, breaking the silence, "since you don't feel like telling me about your dream, would you like to talk about what happened last night?"

Eriana sighed, taking a long drink of her tea. "Yeah, last night was a rough one."

"Yes, I was there, remember?"

She grinned, "You're always there for me, Nate." She drew her feet up on the couch, tucking them beneath her as she turned to face the human. "Well, as you probably realized, Soris wasn't exactly thrilled when he found out who you are."

"That seems like a bit of an understatement, but yeah, I kind of gathered that. So, what's his problem with me anyway? I don't remember ever doing anything to him."

"It wasn't you so much as it is your kind." Nathaniel looked down at her, eyebrow raised. "Humans. Especially male noble humans. Our family as a rather unpleasant history with the nobility, and I guess it's made him a bit uneasy around nobles."

Nathaniel glanced down at her, "Why; what happened?"

"Did you happen to know Vaughan Urien, the Arl of Denerim's son?"

Nathaniel nodded, "Yeah, I knew him; that guy was a real piece of work. I never felt comfortable leaving Delilah around him unsupervised. He always seemed rather sleazy to me."

"Talk about an understatement," Eriana muttered under her breath. "But, yeah, that about describes him. He liked to treat the alienage like it was his own personal brothel; he always saw us as second-class citizens who he could use for his own pleasure whether we were willing or not."

"Did he ever…"

"Yeah, several times in fact, he kind of took a liking to me when I was rather young, but Soris never really knew about that." Nathaniel flinched at her casual dismissal of what was sure to have been a traumatic experience. "No, Soris's issues with Vaughan started much later, on our wedding day."

Nathaniel sat in rapt silence, listening as Eriana recounted the events surrounding her abduction and subsequent rescue. As if that weren't enough, she went on to tell how his father and Loghain had sold her neighbors and relatives into slavery. No wonder he hated nobles; he was beginning to wonder how Eriana could stand them after all that.

"So what did he say, then that upset you so much? It sounds like you weren't surprised at his reaction."

"Hum, let's see. Well, first he accused me of sleeping with you, which, I guess, is technically true, at least it was last night," she said with a grin.

Nathaniel shrugged, "Ah, that was only a recent development though."

Eriana chuckled. "True, then he called me a slut, no wait, a stupid slut, and insinuated that it was only a matter of time before I tried to screw you and probably the rest of the arling."

"Maker's breath," Nathaniel growled, "and to think, we brought him here to make you feel better. Want me to ship his worthless ass back to Denerim before you get back?"

Eriana giggled, "No, in fact, that part wasn't what really upset me. Soris can get that way when he gets really steamed; I can't say I wasn't expecting it, really. It was what he said next." She sighed and pulled her legs up to her chest. "When I tried to tell him that I could trust you, he pointed out the fact that the last guy I said that about ran off for Antiva and left me behind."

Nathaniel sighed and rolled his eyes. "He really is an idiot then. What in Thedas was he thinking? Andraste's ass, when I get a hold of him…"

"Nathaniel, don't," Eriana said, putting a light hand on his arm. "Look, if I know him, and I think I do, he already feels awful about this. My leaving without saying goodbye to him will be punishment enough. He knows he stepped in it, so there's no reason for either of us to say anything."

"Can I at least glare at him menacingly, then?"

Eriana laughed, "You and Oghren both, I expect him to be good an uncomfortable by the time I get back from that Maker-forsaken swamp, got it?"

"Now, that, I think I can do."

-0-

Nathaniel stood on the battlements a few hours later, watching as his Commander and her party left the keep for the Black Marshes. The moment she set foot outside the keep's gates, the white wolf that had been helping them the other night ran up beside her, barking happily and bouncing around her. The small elven woman knelt down to pet the animal before picking up her back and motioning for the other Wardens to move out. Glancing up over her shoulder, her eyes fell on Nathaniel, giving him a smile and a wave as they turned to leave. They hadn't made it more than twenty paces before Anders was at her side, talking happily and smiling down at her. Nathaniel stifled a laugh, without him there to fend the mage off, Anders wasn't wasting any time moving in on their lovely elven leader. Nathaniel stood there watching them until they disappeared from sight.

Sighing, he turned to head back into the keep and was unsurprised to find Soris waiting for him in the main hall. "So," the elf said, boldly walking up to him, "you were with her last night. I looked everywhere for her and asked everyone I saw if they had seen her, and no one seemed willing to tell me anything. You were the only person missing all night. I know you were with her, so don't even try to deny it."

Nathaniel crossed his arms and looked down at the elf, "I wasn't going to. She was in my room all night. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Not so fast," Soris said, stepping in front of him. "We're going to have a talk about this."

"Look, Soris, Eriana asked me not to confront you about this issue, and out of respect for her, I ask you to let me pass. I'd rather not go against her wishes, but if you insist on pushing this, then I guess she'll have to deal with both of us when she gets back." Nathaniel turned to move away from the elf, but Soris caught him by the arm.

"Not if this stays between us. Now, I know she's a grown woman and a great hero and what not, but she's still my family, and I just want what's best for her."

"And what's best for her includes calling her a slut and bringing up the one thing that hurts her more than anything else?" Nathaniel shouted, rounding on the elf, fury building inside of him. "Maker's breath, Soris, Oghren and I convinced Eriana to keep you here to help her, not to make her feel worse. I guess we should have pointed out the obvious; don't talk about Zevran." He shook his head and pulled his arm out of the elf's hand. "Perhaps next time you feel the urge to point out her failures to her and bring up the things that hurt her, maybe you should try to keep it to yourself." Nathaniel brushed past him and stormed out of the main hall, hoping to put some distance between the two of them.

Soris wasn't so easily dissuaded. Chasing him through the keep, Soris again caught the rogue by the arm. This time, though, Nathaniel didn't take it so lightly. Jerking his arm away, Nathaniel glared down at the elf, "Touch me again, and I swear by the Maker, there won't be anything for you cousin to work out when she gets back, got it?"

Soris's eyes narrowed. "I'm not afraid of you Howe; I just want to know one thing. What are you intentions with my cousin?"

Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "I have no intentions with your cousin."

"Bull shit," Soris snapped. "You're a human man; your kind always has intentions."

"Well I don't. Now, if you'll excuse me…"

"Then why are you so close to her, huh? Why is it that she came to you last night and not Oghren, who she's known longer, who I know she trusts? I'm not blind and stupid, you know. There's something more here, and I want to know what."

Nathaniel sighed and glared down at the man. "I have great respect for Eriana, okay. She gave me a second chance when most people would have just killed me and moved on with their lives. Then she trusted me when I gave her no reason to believe in me. I owe her my life. Not only did she spare me, but she gave me a purpose. That's why I'm so close to her, okay. That's why I care what happens to her."

The anger in Soris's eyes seemed to fade a bit, but he still didn't seem to trust the rogue. "That still doesn't explain why she came to you, though."

"Well, she couldn't very well come to you, now could she?"

Soris sighed, "True, you have a point there."

"Besides, I had already seen that side of your cousin. I had been there for one of her breakdowns in the past when she believed that Zevran had returned to Ferelden. She lost it when she realized it wasn't him, and I was there to comfort her. I suppose she felt comfortable coming to me this time. But it we're being perfectly honest here, Soris, I don't think she wants to come to me at all when she feels like that. That's why Oghren and I wanted you to stay."

Soris glanced up at him, "What do you mean?"

"Well, just look at things from her perspective. She's been thrust into this position as the Warden Commander just on the merit of what she did during the Blight. Now, all of a sudden, she is in command of an arling and a company of fighting men when only two years ago she was serving drinks at the tavern. She doesn't feel ready for this position, but she can't exactly turn it down. So what does she do? She tries to be perfect in every way, to prove that she is worthy of all this trust people are putting in her. That makes it hard for her to talk about what she's feeling, so she keeps it all in, letting all the pain and frustration build until it gets to be too much. When that happens, she breaks down completely."

"And that's where you swoop in, then?"

Nathaniel growled, "No, no swooping here. Maker's breath, this isn't about me, it's about her. When will you get it through that thick head of yours? I'm not taking advantage of her. I'm not that kind of man." Nathaniel crossed his arms and took a deep breath, trying to settle his anger. "You know Soris; it's not that I mind talking to her when she's upset; it doesn't bother me. But it does bother her, a lot. She hates herself when she breaks down around me, or Oghren, or any of the other Wardens because she thinks we'll see it as a weakness, and she can't afford to be weak, not even around us. Don't you see? She hold all this pain and emotion in until she can't take it then she feels guilty because she needs to rely on someone when all she wants to do is be strong for us. Every time she cries around me, she feels like a failure. That why she needs you, and what do you do? You get her all upset and send her crying right back to me, which is the last thing she needs. She needs to be strong and independent around us; not for us, but for herself."

Soris's face dropped. "I'm such an ass." Nathaniel stayed quiet, but nodded in agreement. "So there's nothing between you two?"

"No, Soris, nothing. She's still hurting over Zevran, and a new relationship is the last thing she needs right now. It would just hurt and confuse her more, and believe me, that's the last thing I want for someone who has done so much for me." Nathaniel chuckled. "You know, if you're worried about someone chasing her, then it's really not me you should be eyeballing. It's the mage."

"Anders? He has a thing for her?"

Nathaniel laughed, "Have you seen them together? She saved him too, you know. He's head over heels for her. Not to mention, he's got a way with her; somehow, he can always cheer her up. It probably doesn't hurt that he follows her around like a mabrai follows a meet truck. I would be willing to bet that without me there to shield her from him, Anders might be making a move on her as we speak."

Soris looked nervous, "Do you think he has a chance?"

Nathaniel shrugged as if it didn't bother him. "I don't know. Like I said, he's good with her, and according to Oghren, he shares a lot of Zevran's more attractive qualities. Who knows, a good flop might do her some good." Soris stiffened and turned away, eliciting a laugh from the rogue. "Are we good, now?"

"Yeah, we're good," Soris said, extending his hand toward Nathaniel. The rogue smiled and clasped his forearm in a warrior's shake. "You know, Howe, you're alright for a nobleman."

"Yeah, I know. I guess that why my father always said that I would never be a very good Arl." Nathaniel released the elf's arm. "Just talk to her when she gets back. I know you mean well, but she's really hurting right now. And while she tries to hide it behind duty and hard work, this thing with Zevran is slowly tearing her apart. Just be careful, okay." Nathaniel turned to walk away. "And, Soris, if you ever send her to me in a state like that again, I don't care what she says, I'm sipping your ass back to Denerim. Am I making myself clear?"

Soris gulped and nodded in agreement. "Crystal."

-0-

So sorry about the longer than usual delay. Dragon Age 2 has kind of been consuming my free time here lately (and I'm sure many of you are in the same boat). Not to worry, I'm planning on finishing this story; the muse has not gone away (though Hawke stories have started bouncing around in my head).

As usual, a special thank you to everyone who took the time to review. GriffinGuts, Kainen, Eva Galana, and Judy. Your reviews mean the world to me.


	23. Chapter 23

On some level, Eriana was somewhat glad that Nathaniel couldn't accompany them on the trip to the Black Marshes. Not that she didn't miss the rogue; far from it actually. Nathaniel's absence left a sudden and unexpected void, a fact that didn't honestly surprise her. The human rogue had been a constant presence at her side since he underwent his Joining, a fact that wasn't lost on the young elf. He was a far better archer than she was, so tactically, he fit into her fighting scheme with ease, she just took over the role Zevran used to fill, fighting alongside Oghren in melee combat. Nataniel also shared many of Zevran's skills when it came to stealth, so she could rely on him to back her up whenever the situation called for a more discreet, practiced hand. On top of all that, he had become her most trusted friend and advisor, an ironic development, considering the circumstances of their first meeting, but, considering Eriana's history with people who were trying to kill her, it was no real surprise. Until recently, she had believed that her feelings toward him had been completely platonic. Well, she believed that until she had the very intimate dream about him; now Eriana wasn't sure exactly how she felt. The dream had been, well, if she was being completely honest with herself, it had been pleasant. No, it was more than pleasant; the dream had been down-right wonderful. For the first time in weeks, she had woken up felling secure, well-rested, and relaxed, and the possible implications of those feelings did not escape the elf. It confused her more than anything. She didn't have romantic feelings toward the human; at least, she didn't think so. But if she didn't, why was she reaming about sleeping with him?

It was good then, that Nathaniel couldn't join them; it gave her time to try to sort out these feelings. Were they genuine feelings of affection or was her subconscious simply creating a Zevran surrogate out of the next available male? Perhaps it was the later; after all, she had spent the entire night dreaming about Zevran's disappearance and had woken up in Nathaniel's bed. After he slipped out, she had fallen back asleep, surrounded by his smell, the feel of his arms still around her. She needed to fell love, to feel adored; it was only natural that she dream of Nathaniel filling that need, right? That's what she was telling herself anyway. Maybe Eriana didn't want to admit the possibility that she might be developing true feelings for the human; she really didn't believe that she was ready for that just yet. The hurt from Zevran's betrayal was still too raw.

That was what she thought anyway when the Wardens stopped just outside the Black Marshes to make camp. After a quick dinner, Eriana slipped into her tent, trying to get some sleep before she had to get up for the second watch shift. Much to her surprise, once again, her dreams found her in the arms of a man other than Zevran, but it wasn't Nathaniel this time who was slipping into her bed. Instead, much to her surprise, it was Anders kissing, adoring, and making love to her. And, much to her dismay, it didn't stop there. Over the next three nights, Eriana's seemed to dream of little else. After the first two nights the regular appearances of Nathaniel and Anders (both of them by themselves, of course) didn't seem to satisfy her subconscious any longer, so the next night, Alistair joined her in her dreams, then Aedan Cousland the following night. Well, Aedan actually joined her and Anders, but there was no way she was going to try to sort out the meaning of that particular dream. Oddly enough, though, Zevran never made an appearance. She couldn't figure it out; she never had these kinds of dreams? What was triggering them now? It was all becoming way too confusing for her.

It wasn't that she didn't enjoy them; as a matter of fact, she was enjoying the dreams very much. It was a nice change of pace from the usual darkspawn and Zevran nightmares. Somehow, they always left her feeling…well, satisfied, on an emotional level, at least. But they did, however, have one rather major side effect. Regardless of how satisfied she felt mentally and emotionally, she was waking up more and more frustrated physically. It was like a gnawing hunger was building in her. Frustrated, Eriana tried to work out these new feelings. Perhaps being involved with Zevran had changed her more than she realized, made her into a much more carnal, desire-driven creature because these feelings were so unlike her. She even considered once or twice asking Anders how you could tell if you were possessed by a desire demon. There was nothing, though, that she could do about it. All she could do was try her best to keeping her more carnal desires well under wraps, and, for a while, she thought she was doing a good job where that was concerned. That was until their final night at camp.

Eriana was sitting in front of her tent, the white wolf at her feet, watching as Anders struggled to get his tent put up. Having lived on the road for the better part of a year, Eriana could pitch a tent in under a minute, and usually she would go offer the poor mage assistance. But today, she was just content to sit back, chewing on her pinky finger, and watch as the mage bent over, messing with the poles and canvas, thoroughly enjoying the way those Tevinter robes hugged certain parts of his anatomy. She didn't realize she was staring quite so obviously until Sigrun plopped down beside her.

"So are you planning on jumping his bones tonight or something?" the dwarf asked, reaching down to pet the wolf beside her. "Because judging by the look you're giving him right now, you're either about to eat him or screw him, and I'm really hoping it's the latter. So which is it?"

Eriana blinked and looked down at the grinning dwarf. "Hum, I'm not, um neither."

"Ah, come on, Commander, I grew up in Dark Town; I know that look. In fact, I think you were actually licking your lips a minute ago, so what's the hold up? You seem to like him, and I know he likes you. So what's the hold up? You could save him the trouble of setting up that tent, even though you're thoroughly enjoying the show."

Eriana rolled her eyes and grabbed Sigrun by the arm, pulling the dwarf back into her tent. "It's nothing like that, Sigrun. It's a bit more complicated." The elf sighed, "Look, I'm just coming out of a really serious relationship, and emotionally, I don't think I'm ready for anything."

"Who said anything about anything emotional? I was just talking about sex. You know, just a good old, stress relieving, roll in the hay. It's a good way to burn off all that pent up energy that's got you wound tighter than a spring." The dwarf looked up at her and grinned. "Trust me, when you hang around with dead people all day long, you learn to get your jollies without letting your heart get involved. I could give you advice on that, you know." Eriana glanced down at the dwarf and rolled her eyes. "Hey, symbolically dead or not, a girl's got needs; I'm not dead dead, yet, you know? You've got an itch, let Anders scratch it."

Eriana couldn't help but laugh at that. "I'm afraid it's not quite that simple," she said, laying back on her bedroll, staring up at the tent above her.

"Why not?"

"Well, for one, neither of us is dead, technically or literally, so we don't have the same carpe diem mentality that you do." Eriana sighed, "If I let myself go there, one or both of us could end up getting hurt, and that's not what I want."

"So, what do you want, then?"

"A good lay if I'm being perfectly honest." Eriana groaned and rolled over, burying her head in her pillow. "Part of me just wants to go out there and drag his beautiful blond head in here, ravish him all night, and kick him out in the morning with teeth marks on his hinny." Sigrun giggled as she plopped down beside Eriana. "But that's so not like me, Sigrun. Really, I've never been this…I don't know how to describe it… feral before. I don't know what's gotten into me here lately; first it's these dreams and now…."

"Wait, what dreams?"

Eriana blushed scarlet. "Well, lately…um…I've been having certain dreams about…um…"

"Sex dreams? About Anders?" Eriana sighed and nodded. "But not just Anders?" Again Eriana nodded. "Nathaniel too then?" Sigrun giggled as Eriana groaned and buried her head back into her pillow. "Is that it?" Eriana shook her head. "Ohhhh, who else, then?"

"AlisterandAenanCousland," Eriana muttered quickly into the pillow.

"I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure I heard you because it sounded like you said you were having sex dreams about the King and Teryn Cousland's younger brother." Eriana nodded, and Sigrun roared with laughter. "Dang girl, you set your sights high."

"I hate you." Eriana growled as the dwarf's giggles subsided. "But this is serious Sigrun; I can't deal with having these feelings toward them."

"Why not? I'm sure they'd all be more than willing to sate your desires so to speak. Why not have some fun, live a little."

"And what, use my friends just to satisfy my baser desires. I can't do that. I have too much respect for them to use them then toss them aside."

"Well, who says you have to toss them aside? I'm pretty sure Anders would be onboard if you wanted something more than just a tumble."

Eriana sighed, "But that's just it; for me, all this could be is a desperate tumble. I'm simply not ready for something more, not so soon after…" She sighed and looked down at her lap. "I will not take advantage of Anders affections, not when there's nothing for me to give him in return. I refuse to toy with his emotions just so that I can get a little physical satisfaction, and the same goes for all the others too."

She cradled her head in her hands, "It's just…Sigrun, when I was with them, in my dreams I mean, it felt so good, and not just because it was satisfying. It felt good to be in someone's arms again, to feel loved again; I hadn't realized how much I'd come to depend on it, on him. Without him," Eriana paused a moment, trying to choke back tears, "without him, at times it's hard to breathe."

"Eriana, I know this has to be hard, but…"

"No, Sigrun, this isn't hard; it's devastating. I feel like part of my soul has been ripped out, that I'm not the person I was before I met him and that my life will never be the same without him." She glanced down at the dwarf. "Zev was a passionate lover; being with him was like nothing I ever experienced." Eriana grinned, "Not to mention, his hunger was insatiable; it was like he could never get enough. Being with him changed me, more than I realized, and then he just disappeared and left me to try to go on without him. But I'm not sure how to be without him; so much of my world, my life centered on him, more than I ever realized."

Sigrun looked up at the blonde elf for a moment. "Eriana, how old are you?"

Her commander looked down at her, blue eyes still shimmering with unshed tears. "Nineteen."

Sigrun gasped; she knew the elf was young, but she had no idea she was that young. "Only nineteen? By the Stone, I had no idea."

Eriana chuckled, "Yeah, most people don't; elves age gracefully, after all. My mom still looked like she was in her twenties when she died, so chances are I'll still look this much way when I'm fifty..." Eriana's face fell and she was quiet for a moment. "Anyway, it's not a fact I readily publicize. I'm not sure the nobility would accept the rule of a teenager, you know? Why do you ask?"

"It's just…" Sigrun sighed, "Eriana, you're so young, and I'd wager that this was your first serious relationship, right?" Eriana nodded. "First loves change you; they mold you into the person that you become, and emotionally, you're never the same afterwards. Even if Zevran never comes back, a part of him will always be with you. You can't change that; all you can do is accept the fact that you are a different person because of him, and that's not necessarily a bad thing." Sigrun put a hand on Eriana's knee. "You keep saying that your relationship with him made you a more desire driven person, so what's wrong with that? It's who you are now, so embrace it."

Eriana sighed, "But it isn't who I want to be, not really. It's who Zev was, and I suppose, who I was while I was with him, but that's all. I don't want to be a woman who uses men to make myself feel better. Look, before Zev, sex to me wasn't exactly something I enjoyed; it was, well, it was just sex, most times just something to be endured. I just don't know how things will be without him, if it will go back to being something unpleasant." She sank back down on the bed roll. "When we were together, the physical was such an important part of our relationship; I just don't know if I can move on with anyone else."

"Yes you can, those dreams prove that. You may not be ready for something deep and personal, but not every relationship has to be something like that. A physical relationship with someone else, someone you trust, might just give you some perspective; it might just be the thing that helps you to move on. And who knows, it may just become something deeper, something real." Sigrun put a hand on her knee and looked intently up at her. "I'd imagine life in the alienage for a pretty elf like you was unpleasant; believe me, I grew up in Dust Town. I can understand better than most. I remember what is was like to be afraid to let go of you, and that's what you're afraid of, letting go. But with the right person, I'd wager it'd do you more good than you realize. Besides, Anders cares for you; he would look out for your best interests, not use you then leave. I think he'd be good for you; he might be just the thing you need to help you heal."

Eriana lay there silently, staring up at the tent. "Just tell me you'll think about it, Eriana; you can't go on like this forever, pining after him." Eriana opened her mouth to protest, but Sigrun cut her off. "You are pining, and it's tearing you apart."

"I'll think about it, but I can't promise you anything."

"As long as you think about it, that's enough for me." Sigrun yawned and stretched her arms over her head. "So, going back to something you said a while back about Zevran; when you say he was insatiable, just how insatiable do you mean? From the way you talk, it sounded like you two humped like nugs. So just how frequently was it, if you don't mind me asking?" Eriana's face began to color slightly, but she remained silent. "I mean, I'm sure it wasn't, you know, daily or anything like that, but…"

Eriana giggled, "At least."

Sigrun's eyes grew wide, "Daily?"

"At the very least."

"And this was while you were trotting all over Fereldan during the blight?" Eriana nodded. "Dang girl, how on earth are you walking without a limp?"

"Warden stamina and a damn good healer," Eriana said with a straight face before the two women dissolved into a fit of giggles.

"Hey ladies," Keenan said, poking his head into the tent. "I hate to break up this hen circle, but dinner's ready," he grinned, "no thanks to you two."

"Shut up, Keenan," Eriana said with a grin, "We'll take second watch as payback."

"No way, your clucking and giggling would keep us up all night. Nope, we've already figured it out, Ana, you've got first watch with Anders, and Sigrun and I will take last watch. Justice said he will take second watch with the wolves; he seems fascinated by them for some reason. So, come on out here and get some dinner," Keenan said as he slipped out of the tent.

Sigrun glanced at Eriana who rolled her eyes, "Alone, just me and Anders, a definite recipe for disaster."

Sigrun grinned, "Just remember, he's a healer; it's his job to make your body feel good all over."

Eriana groaned. "Have I mentioned how much I hate you?" she muttered with a slight smile.

-0-

Nathaniel tried not to obsess, tried not to pace the battlements, watching the road for the return of Eriana and the other Wardens, tried to keep from getting more and more irritable as the days passed. He failed. Miserably. By the end of the fifth day, even Oghren couldn't stand to be around him, so everyone just kept their distance and let him brood. He knew he was brooding, but he didn't care. It shouldn't take more than three days to make it to the Black Marshes and back, and the marshes themselves weren't that big, so finding Kirstoff shouldn't take too long. They really should be back by now, and Nathaniel was starting to worry. He kept telling himself that this woman took down an archdemon, she could handle a haunted marsh, but it did little to assuage his concerns.

Somehow, Nathaniel managed to get himself to sleep that night, probably by convincing himself that he would only wait one more day before arranging a search party to go out after the Wardens. It was a good thing then that the scouts spotted Eriana and her party approaching the Vigil just before noonday.

He was leaning against the gates of the keep when the Wardens approached, Eriana, Anders, and the wolf in the lead, followed closely by Sigrun, Keenan, and a helmed figure he assumed was Kristoff. Eriana was smiling up at Anders, laughing at something he was saying as the mage gave her a slight, playful shove. When she glanced up and saw Nathaniel waiting there, an amused look on his face, her cheeks colored slightly as she gave him a guilty look. "Hey Nate," she said, practically skipping up to him, "you look like you're well rested."

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow, "Really?"

Eriana chuckled, "No, not really. You look like you haven't slept in days. What's going on?"

"What's going on? I was worried sick; you guys have been gone for quite a while. We were all starting to worry."

Eriana glanced over at Anders, who just shrugged. "What are you talking about; how long were we gone?"

"You left six days ago; I was about to arrange for a search party to go after you."

Eriana's eyes went wide, and she turned to stare up at Anders. "How is that possible? We've only been away for four days, right?"

Anders shook his head, "Time passes differently in the fade; apparently we were in there a lot longer than we realized, two days by the sound of it."

Eriana shuddered. "Two days? So we were laying out there, exposed to Maker knows what for two whole days. Ugh, I don't want to even think about it."

"Whoa, whoa, wait a second; what's this about the fade?" Nathaniel said, stepping up to them.

"One of the darkspawn pulled us into the fade somehow when we were inspecting Kristoff's body. Apparently we were trapped in there for two days, though at the time, it only felt like a few hours." She glanced up at Anders, "Ewww, I don't want to think what might have happened to us while we were unconscious for all that time."

"It's a good thing that wolf of yours was still there. I'd say he and his pack kept anything dangerous away from us." The white wolf raised his head toward the mage and gave a low bark.

Eriana shuddered, "Two days, ugh! I suppose that explains why I've been so hungry since we woke up; two days without food will do that to you, I guess."

"Wait a second, please go back and explain what you just said about inspecting Kristoff's body?" Nathaniel said interrupting them, glancing over his shoulder at the bulking figure talking to Keenan. "If that's not Kristoff, then who…"

Eriana groaned, "A big problem is what that is." She glanced back at the helmed man standing behind her, looking around the Keep. Grabbing Nathaniel's arm, she pulled him into the court yard, away from the rest of the group, Anders and the wolf following close behind. "So while we were in the fade, we encountered this 'benevolent' spirit who wanted to help the souls that were trapped in there. Apparently there are good spirits in the fade as well as demons. He helped us get out of the fade." Nathaniel glanced back at Anders who nodded in agreement.

"That still doesn't explain who that is."

"That is Justice, the spirit." Eriana leaned back against the wall, describing the confrontation with the First and the Baroness. Nathaniel listened intently, interrupting occasionally to ask a question or two, becoming more and more grateful that he had been left behind. "So when the Baroness died, we were all pulled out of the fade, including Justice who was pulled into Kristoff's body."

Nathaniel's eyes widened in horror, "So that…that thing is possessing the body of a dead Warden, and you brought it back here?"

"What else was I supposed to do, Nathaniel? He helped us. We'd still be stuck in the fade were it not for him. I would like to send him back to the fade, I really would, but I have no idea how to do it. If the body he's in dies, will that kill him forever? I don't know, and I'm not about to risk it, not without a little more information first. Besides, we couldn't just leave the remains of a fellow Warden unattended, even if they are walking around and talking on their own."

Nathaniel shuddered and turned to look at the mage, "Anders, can't you help with this."

Andres shrugged, "I never really took an interest in studying spirits and demons while I was in the Circle. Most of my study centered on healing magic and finding the easiest escape routes."

Eriana put a hand on Nathaniel's arm, "We're planning to write to the First Enchanter to ask his advice in the matter. I'm sure someone there knows more about this than I do."

"So in the meantime we have a possessed Warden following us around?"

"Technically, possession involves a spirit taking control of a living vessel," Anders said. "In this case Kristoff was dead, so there was no life force for the spirit to overthrow. It's just a reanimated corpse."

Nathaniel sighed, "Because that sounds so much better. Maker's breath, what do you tell his wife?"

Eriana glanced nervously up at Anders, "I was actually hoping you and Keenan might go and talk to her. You could explain the situation far better than I could." Anders nodded and made as if he was going to leave, but hesitated for a moment, looking between her and Nathaniel before turning to leave.

"What was that all about?" Nathaniel asked once the mage was gone.

"What was what?"

"Oh, no. Don't try to pull that innocent stuff with me. I saw the look that he just gave you. What happened while you all were out there?"

"Oh, that. Nothing happened," Eriana said, a blush creeping up her face. Nathaniel looked at her, one eyebrow raised. "Look, we had watch together a few nights; we talked, that's all."

"Talked, huh? The kind of talking that involves using words?"

Eriana rolled her eyes, "Of course, by the Maker, you're as bad as Sigrun."

"So she's noticed it too, then?"

"We are not talking about this," Eriana said, her cheeks turning a lovely shade of red. "But, speaking of talking, did you happen to say anything to my cousin while we were away," Eriana asked. "I noticed he wasn't here, waiting for us."

"As a matter of fact, I did, and before you go jumping all over me for defying your orders, let me clarify. He came to me, and though I tried my damnedest to get away from him, he hounded me until we talked."

"He hounded you?"

"Grabbed me by the arm and physically restrained me…twice."

Eriana laughed, "Whoa, Soris, when did he grow a set of balls? You didn't hurt him, did you?"

"No, in honor of our friendship, I restrained myself. That didn't stop me from threatening to kill him if he ever laid a hand on me again, but that's beside the point. If it's any consolation, he seems truly sorry for what he said. He realizes he was a jerk."

"Oh, I'm sure he does, and I'm sure I'll get around to talking to him eventually. However, it seems as though I've been gone a lot longer than I expected, so I'm sure there's tons of work Varel has for me."

"Nope."

"Nope?"

"I took care of it all while you were gone; I was raised a noble, remember? My parents raised me to be the next Arl, that administrative crap you hate so much was my bread and butter while I was growing up. I can do it with my eyes closed."

Eriana grinned, "Oh, Nathaniel; I think I just fell in love. And to think, I almost considered killing you."

Nathaniel drew her into a hug, "I missed you, this keep was really boring without you. No one barged into my room in the middle of the night the entire week you were gone."

"Were you lost without me, Nathaniel?"

"Hopelessly, but you seem to be doing well, Ana, you and Anders."

"Ugh, you're not going to let this drop are you?" Nathaniel grinned and shook his head. "Fine. We flirted, we talked, but that's all, nothing else happened."

"But it could have."

"But it didn't."

Nathaniel sighed, "Fine, I'll drop it, but would you let me say one thing first." He tilted her head up and looked into her eyes. "It's okay to be happy, you know that right? I know you're still hurting in a lot of ways, but you can let go of that. It's okay to let yourself begin to heal; you don't have to be miserable all the time."

Eriana gave him a melancholy smile, "Ah, Nathaniel, if you think that about me, you really don't know me at all. Bad things happen to me when I'm happy; it's almost not worth the risk," she added with a quiet sigh. "Anyway, I'm going to go wash some of this swamp smell off me. I'll see you at dinner, okay."

"Sure thing, Eriana; it's good to have you back."

-0-

"Anders," Eriana shouted, jogging over toward the door she had seen the mage disappear into. "Hey, Anders, wait up." He stopped and poked his head out of the door, waiting for her to catch up before ducking back into his room.

"Eriana," he smiling down at her as she strolled in, closing the door behind her, "I was just going through Howe's library," he said, holding up a small stack of books.

"Oh, did you find anything that might be helpful with this whole Justice situation?"

Anders rolled his eyes and gave her an incredulous look. "Yeah, because Howe's library was full of books on the fade and spirits and the secrets of magic."

"True, stupid question on my part. So, what did you find in his library?"

"Well, let's see; aside from a few books on herbal remedies I thought might be useful for Velanna, all I found there was a bunch of books on history and warfare along with an impressive collection of some rather racy novels."

Eriana started giggling, "So that's where Sigrun got it." Anders turned and raised an eyebrow at her. "Okay, a few days ago, Sigrun was reading some novel she found in the common room, and out of nowhere, she asks me what an Antivan milk sandwich is."

"Um, what is an Antivan milk sandwich?"

Eriana shook her head. "I didn't tell her, and I'm definitely not telling you."

"But you know?"

Eriana blushed scarlet, "Of course I know; I was with an Antivan assassin for over eight months. If it was kinky and it originated in Antiva, I knew about it."

"So is this something that you experienced firsthand?"

Eriana dissolved into a fit of giggles, "Oh, Anders, you have no idea how wrong that particular choice of words was for this particular conversation."

"I'll take that as a yes then."

Eriana shook her head, "I'll never tell, and that's the last I'm going to say on the subject."

"Fine, fine, I'll let it go, for now; I know a lost cause when I see one," Anders said, smiling down at the elf. "So, have you recovered from our lovely trip through the marches?"

She laughed, "Yeah, a good night's sleep in a warm, soft bed and a long, hot bath worked wonders; it almost got the mental image of our bodies lying out in the open out of my mind. How about you?"

"Me, oh, I'm fine," Anders said with a wave of his hand. "You know, Commander, you always take me to the nicest places. I mean first, you drag me around the woods where we get kidnapped by darkspawn, then we get to hang out in the deep roads for a few days, and then we get to fight demons and spirit dragons in a haunted swamp; ah how you spoil me."

Eriana laughed, "So are you regretting joining the Wardens?"

"Regretting it? You say that as if I had a choice in the matter; you conscripted me, remember?"

"Right out from under that stuffy templar's nose," Eriana said with a grin; then her face turned serious. She glanced up, looking the mage in the eye. "But, honestly, Anders, are you unhappy here, with us?"

"No, no, no, not at all actually. I was afraid that when you conscripted me that I was simply trading one form of captivity for another, that the Grey Wardens would turn out to be the Circle all over again."

"Was it really that bad, living in the Circle, I mean? I have only been in there the one time when I was recruiting the mages during the blight, and it was overrun with demons and abominations at the time, that probably wasn't the norm."

"It wasn't the circle itself as much as it was the way we mages were treated. It was like you need permission to be alive just because you happened to be born a mage." His voice rose, and Eriana could tell he was getting angry, remembering the past. "We were tolerated, you know, but those templars never looked at us like we were human. They were always staring at us with these hate-filled looks, like they were afraid we were going to explode into an abomination at any moment."

"I've always seen you as human, Anders; and I'm not afraid of you, either," Eriana said taking his hand and giving it a light squeeze. "And, believe it or not, in a way, I can sympathize, Anders. I may not be a mage, but a lot of people make assumptions about me the moment they lay eyes on me. That's why I was so surprised that Duncan wanted me in the Wardens; I was so used to people seeing only an elf when they looked at me, never bothering to see what was underneath."

Anders looked down at her and smiled, "So you don't see a mage when you look at me?"

Eriana shrugged. "Well, the robes and the staff make it hard to ignore," she said with a grin, "but, no, that's not what I see at all. I see a friend, someone whose presence I value. I hope you realize that, Anders, and to that point, I got you a little gift."

Anders' face brightened, "A gift, you bought me something?"

"Well, not bought, per say; it's something I found and made me think of you." She reached into her pack and pulled out a small orange kitten, dumping it into his arms.

"A cat, you got me a cat?"

Eriana nodded, "I remember you talking about the cat you had back in the Circle, and when Frostback pointed out that little guy to me…"

"Frostback? The wolf? You named the wolf."

Eriana grinned, "I can't get him to leave even though I've tried to sever the connection between us, so I figured since he'd likely be around a while he needed a name. I can't just keep calling him wolf, now can I? So he's white, like the Frostback Mountains, hence the name." Anders laughed and shook his head. "Anyway, Frostback let me know that he saw a kitten hiding out in the stables, so I decided to get it for you. It took me nearly an hour once I found him to get that darn thing to come out, but…"

"Wait," Anders said, tearing his eyes away from the kitten and looking at the elf. "You spent an hour trying to coax this kitten out of hiding, for me?"

Eriana looked up, surprised, "Of course, I knew it would make you happy, besides this is a way better gift than that scarf I gave you a few weeks ago."

Anders didn't say anything for a moment; he just looked down at her, his face unreadable. Then he wrapped his arms around her crushing her to him in a fierce hug. Sighing quietly to herself, she let herself fold into his arms, simply savoring the warm comfort she felt, resting her head against his chest. The more logical side of her mind was there, quietly reminding her that she needed to step away, break the contact before he got the wrong idea; she still loved Zevran and isn't ready for something more. But that voice was being quickly overwhelmed by her screaming libido, who wanted nothing but more Anders. Inhaling deeply, Eriana savored the unique smell of him, lyrium and ice, with a touch of the smell that lingers after a spring storm. It reminded so vividly of her dream that she began to feel dizzy as sudden feelings on longing surged through her. Taking a final deep breath, Eriana pulled back a bit, but not far enough that he had to release her from the embrace. "So you like the cat?"

Anders smiled down at her, bringing a hand up to gently trace her face. "It's perfect; no one has ever given me something this thoughtful." Eriana felt her heart leap into her throat. She needed to stop, needed to walk away before something happened, before she did something she couldn't undo. She simply wasn't ready for this she tried telling herself. Then Anders' arm tightened, pulling her body to his, and once again, all logic fled. This felt good, it felt right, being in his arms, feeling his breath as it tickled her face, feeling his body as it pressed against hers. "You know," he said, breaking the peaceful silence between them. When I was in the tower, all I wanted out of life was a pretty girl, a decent meal, and a chance to shoot lightning at fools."

"Well, you should love being a Warden, then, we have good food, and you have lots of chances to shoot lightning at fools."

Anders smiled down at her, "Not to mention the pretty girl."

Eriana felt her face redden, "You think I'm pretty?"

Anders blinked down at her for a moment before throwing his head back and laughing fully. "Do my ears deceive me, or is Eriana Tabris, Commander of the Grey, Hero of Ferelden fishing for compliments? I can't believe this."

Eriana felt her blush deepen as she looked up at him. "Yes," she said with a wicked grin, "now tell me I'm pretty."

Anders took her face in his hands, "You are exquisite, the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on, too beautiful for words to even describe, and I am humbled to be standing here in your presence." He grinned down at her. "Is that good enough?"

Eriana felt her knees weaken as his words washed over her. This was bad, very bad. Why was she flirting; why was she still standing here too, too close? Why was she letting him look at her with that hungry look in his eyes, and why was she returning the look? Without saying anything, she simply wrapped her arms around him, letting her head rest on his chest, feeling his lips press gently against the top of her head. This was the point of no return. She could do the sensible thing and walk away, or she could give into temptation and satisfy her baser needs, after all, they were alone in his room and his bed was just over there. "Walk away, walk away, you'll come to regret it if you don't," her mind screamed at her. Then one arm snaked around her back, and, even though the barrier of her leather armor, she could feel the heat radiating between them. Lowering his head, Anders began to kiss his way up her jaw line, his lips ghosting over the sensitive tips of her ears, making her entire body shiver with pleasure. "No fair," she thought, feeling her own traitorous hands working up the mage's back.

Lifting her head, she met his gaze, which was dark and heavy with desire. Smiling, he dipped his head toward hers gently kissing her forehead as he made his way lower. "Anders," she managed to whisper, "are you sure this is a good idea?"

He pulled back a moment and looked at her, "Are you unsure about this; because if you are, we can…"

Eriana put a hand up to his soft lips and smiled, "No, it's not that; it's just…" She wanted to tell him everything, wanted to explain the sudden weird desires, the burning need mingled with pain. She wanted to be fair to him, so he could go in with his eyes open, but she chickened out. "The last time you tried to kiss me, we did get attacked by assassins."

She felt him breathe a sigh of relief as his hold on her tightened. "I'd say this is well worth the risk," he said lightly brushing his lips across hers before he captured her mouth in a warm, passionate kiss. All her inhibitions melted as her arms tightened around him, and deep inside, her desire started to burn more intently. All of a sudden, she didn't care that this was unwise. The only thing on her mind was how good it felt to be held securely in strong and loving arms again; it was almost as if the pain of the last three months had never happened. Suddenly, she felt whole again. It was better than anything she had experienced in her dreams, and for a moment, it didn't matter who held her, while she was in his arms, she felt complete again. She would sort through the consequences later; right now, she needed to be lost in the moment.

"Commander Tabris," a voice shouted from the hall. Eriana started, breaking the kiss suddenly.

"Maker's harry balls," Anders growled pressing his forehead to the top of her head as he tried to catch his breath.

Eriana chuckled, her senses coming back to her. "If that's someone trying to kill me, you're in a world trouble," she joked, giving him a light pat on the chest before moving toward the door.

She had no idea how close her joke had come to the truth.

-0-

Okay, so for some reason my chapters just keep getting longer and longer, and I didn't even get to end this one where I wanted to! Oh, well, as long as you all are still with me, I guess I won't worry too much. I hope to update twice this week (huzzah for spring break, one of the perks of teaching)

As always, let me give a special thank you to my lovely, faithful reviewers! 100 reviews, wow, ya'll rock! Akiri, Taisenokami, Danyal, Judy, and Kainen, thanks for your kind words on the last chapter. I hope you like where this is going. I plan to take this story well beyond the end of Awakenings and hope to wrap up the Awakenings story line soon. (but not at this rate)

Anyway, thanks for the support, and thanks for reading.


	24. Chapter 24

Eriana shot Anders one final look before heading out the door. The poor man had his eyes closed, his head resting against the wall as he tried to slow his breath. "Once you feel like you've gotten yourself under control, come find me." Anders glanced over at her, the look on his face a mixture of pure desire and absolute frustration, so tortured that Eriana couldn't help but laugh. "If you need a while, though, I perfectly understand; you know, take care of yourself."

Anders pushed off the wall with a growl and grabbed her, pulling her back against him; she grinned, feeling the long, strong lines of his body against hers, he need still obvious against her hip. "We'll finish this later," he said, staring intently into her eyes for a moment before planting a kiss the sensitive skin of her neck.

"I look forward to it," she said with a grin before deftly slipping out of his arms and dashing out of the door, looking for whomever had been calling her. There she found Garevel and Nathaniel, standing just down the hall at the door of her quarters. Nathaniel glanced up the moment she stepped in the hall and when Anders followed behind, still obviously flustered, a knowing smile crossed the rogue's face. Eriana rolled her eyes and strolled up to the pair. "So what's the problem, Garevel? You sounded serious."

The guard turned and looked down at her, his eyes flicking briefly toward Anders who was brooding behind her. "Commander, I hate to bother you; I mean, it's obvious you were busy. Um…I know you've only been back for a day and you need time to…um… recuperate, but…"

"Garevel, you're rambling; just get to the point, please."

"Right," the guard said, shaking his head. "Commander, you need to come out to the courtyard. There's…well, there's kind of a riot of sorts going on out there, and I'm afraid that they're about to get out of hand."

"They?" Eriana asked, looking up. "What are you talking about; who's rioting?"

"There is a rather large group of peasants who are gathered out there Eriana," Nathaniel said, stepping up. "They're demanding an audience with you, and they're armed."

Eriana raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean armed; did they bring soldiers with them or something?"

"No, it's mostly pitchforks and a few swords," Garevel said, clearing his throat, "but there are a lot of them out there. My men are starting to get a bit jumpy."

Eriana rolled her eyes, "Maker's Breath, like I don't have enough to deal with. Now, not only do I have to try to keep nobles and darkspawn from killing me, keep money flowing into this arling, distribute our limited guard force to try to protect as many people as possible, but now I have to deal with a peasant rebellion, too!"

Garevel's face grew very serious, "We can take care of them, Commander, if that's what you want. It wouldn't be difficult."

Eriana's eyes grew wide, "No, no, don't mind me. I'm just frustrated, that's all. We don't want to do anything hasty. Let's go and see what they want." They turned and started to make their way down to the courtyard when Eriana's stomach gave a sudden lurch, crippling nausea washed over her, so much so that she had to stop for a moment to steady herself, a hand on her abdomen.

Nathaniel was at her side instantly, "Ana, are you alright? What's wrong?"

The elf shook her head, "I'm not sure; I just got this weird feeling all of a sudden, like something bad is about to happen." Nathaniel and Anders exchanged a worried glance, and the mage's hands flared blue with healing magic. "No, Anders, don't," she said, placing a hand on his arm and pulling it down. "I'm fine. I'm sure it's nothing."

"Why don't you let me check, just to be on the safe side?" Anders said, glancing down at her with a careful look on his face. Eriana shook her head and turned to walk away, but Anders caught her before she had taken more than a few steps. "Eriana, why do you always do this?" he hissed quietly down at her. "Every time I try to do anything more than routine healing on you, you shy away, you refuse. Why? Are you afraid of my magic or something? I thought you just said…"

"Anders," she said, smiling sweetly up at him, "this has nothing to do with your magic, okay. I just don't want you to trouble yourself with me, that's all." Anders crossed his arms and glared down at her.

"I'm your healer, Eriana; it's my job to trouble myself with you. So what's the problem?"

Eriana sighed. "There's no problem, Anders. I'm a big girl; I can take care of myself. There's really no need for you to come running, hands glowing every time I have a little tummy ache. I just had a strange feeling, that's it. This whole thing is making me uneasy for some reason." She smiled and patted his still crossed arms. "Now, let's go see what these peasants want."

Eriana shouldn't have been surprised by what she found in the courtyard, a huge group of farmers and landowners bearing pitchforks and butcher knives, all screaming for her head. No matter what she tried to do, she couldn't get word in; it seemed they weren't interested in talking, all they wanted to do was shout at her. After several minutes of slowly escalating screaming from the increasingly angry crowd, Garevel stepped up to Eriana's shoulder. "Commander, things are about to get out of hand, and fast. Are you sure you don't want me to have the guards take care of this?"

"No," she said, glancing at the screaming crowd. "Not yet, anyway; just let me try one more thing. Anders," she said, turning to the mage, "can you do something to quiet them down; don't hurt them or anything, just shut them up for a while."

Anders nodded; muttering quietly to himself, the mage summoned a massive paralysis spell, suddenly silencing the entire group. He glanced down at Eriana and grinned.

"Perfect, thanks," she whispered up to him before stepping forward to address the group. "Okay, I know you can hear me, and don't worry, that spell is harmless and will wear off in about a minute. Once that happens, I do hope you will all have taken this time to calm yourselves down so that we can have a civilized conversation here, and if you don't, well, that spell is an easy one for him to cast again" Eriana said, crossing her arms and cocking her hip, glaring at the entire group intently for the duration of the spell. Once the spell broke, all the peasants shifted uneasily but were relatively quiet.

"Very good, now would someone please explain to me why you all chose to invade my keep today." There was a sudden explosion of angry shouting from the group until Eriana raised a hand, silencing them instantly. "I said some…one."

A lone man bravely stepped forward and looked up the stairs where the elf stood, surrounded by the Wardens and guards who were slowly making their way out into the courtyard. "We want to know when you plan on doing something about this darkspawn problem." There was a murmur of approval from the crowd behind him. "You've been here for nearly three months now, and the darkspawn problem has only gotten worse. All you've managed to do is build stronger walls for you to hide behind."

Eriana heard Nathaniel hiss angrily behind her, "I can take him out right now, Ana; just say the word."

Eriana crossed her arms and glanced down at the man, "And your solution to this problem was to attack us; well, that is beyond brilliant. So tell me, sir, should you succeed today in this ill advised attempt to overthrow us here, what would you do then, after you've killed the only people in the arling who are able to kill darkspawn without risk of succumbing to the taint?" The peasants glanced uneasily at each other, muttering softly.

"Let me assure you, sir," Eriana said, her voice strong but calm, "we are doing what we can to deal with this situation. But please remember, we are dealing with the remnants of the blight, a blight, you would be wise to remember that I was able to put an end to in less than a year rather than the decades that every other blight in the past has taken. A blight cannot be cleaned up in a day, a month, or even a year; in fact, there are places in Antiva that still bear the stain of the last blight. And though I understand your frustration and concern, this little uprising will do nothing but complicate an already difficult problem. So I'm left to wonder who exactly put you up to this and what their real goal was because whoever did it is not a true friend of yours."

The members of the mob looked at each other, talking quietly among themselves, a sense of shame passing over them. Behind her, Nathaniel, it seemed, had finally had enough. "Are you all a bunch of fools?" he shouted, stepping up beside the elf. "Why in Thedas are you still standing here? She just gave you the option of leaving with your lives. Don't you realize she could kill you all where you stand before you even realized she had moved?"

"Nathaniel, please," Eriana whispered, but he was too angry to be silenced.

"This woman put an end to the blight; she saved all your worthless lives and this is how you thank her. Maker's Breath, she is well within her rights to cut you all down as you stand for your treacherous actions here, but what does she do? She begs you to see logic and asks you to leave peacefully, and yet you still linger? Go, leave while you still have your pathetic lives before her patience finally wears thin."

The crowd looked from Nathaniel to Eriana to the group of Wardens and guards that had amassed behind them. A sudden realization seemed to click and slowly the courtyard emptied as the crowd dispersed. Eriana turned to look at Sigrun and Keenan, "Take a few of the guards and do a quick sweep of the land around the keep; these people didn't come here on their own. Someone may have used this to divert our attention while they snuck into the keep, so I need you all to check the yards and the walls as quickly as possible. Garevel, you and the rest of your men check the grounds within the keep after you've made sure everyone has left the keep; everyone report back to me in an hour."

Everyone nodded and moved to their separate tasks. "Do you have any idea as to who you might think is behind this?" Nathaniel asked moving up beside Eriana as they moved into the great hall, followed closely by Varel, Anders, and Oghren.

"I'm not sure if there's anything to this; it could just me being paranoid. Or maybe it was just someone trying to sow dissention within the arling." She sighed, "It could have just been genuine anger at the situation, too. This whole mess has to be frustrating to them; I know it has been for me." She ran a hand through her hair, settling on her neck in a gesture she had often seen Alistair make. "I am so not cut out for this."

"I echo that sentiment," a voice said from deep within the grand hall. Eriana's head shot up, and from the shadows stepped a familiar figure she didn't expect to see again for some time.

"Esmerelle," Eriana said, resting her hand lightly on the dagger at her hip. "I have to say, I'm surprised you had the nerve to show your face here; I thought you would have disappeared from Amaranthine the moment your little attack on me failed. It seems I underestimated how desperately you wanted me dead. This little rouse in the court yard was your doing, wasn't it?"

Esmerelle nodded, "So how many of those innocents did you kill this time, Warden?"

"Well, I'm sure you'll be upset to hear this, but none. Thankfully, they all came to their senses and left without things dissolving into violence. I'm sure that put a little kink into your plan, the blood of innocents would have painted me in such a tyrannical light, wouldn't it?"

Esmerelle smiled, "It would have made for a fitting epitaph, that's for sure, but no matter, they were merely a rouse, a way for me to slip in while all eyes were fixed on that mob of idiots."

"From innocents to idiots so quickly; it's good to see how much you value those you would see yourself ruling over," Eriana said with a smirk. Behind her, she heard Nathaniel draw his bow, and knew full well, the arrow was aimed for Esmerelle. She could also feel Anders' magic pulsating behind her, just waiting for a word from her before he hurled some spell at the ruined bann. "It's your move, Esmerelle; I imagine that you came here with some plan in mind, yes? So, what's your plan?"

"My plan is you pay for what you did," she snarled at the elf. "You murdered a good man in his home in cold blood, and everyone just looks the other way because you're some big hero. Well, I won't let you get away with it. Today you pay!"

"You've lost, Esmerelle," Eriana shouted, stepping toward the armored woman, ignoring the hissed protests from behind her. "You tried to conspire against me in secret and were discovered. Are you so proud that you can't admit defeat, or are you just so daft that you can't see when you've lost? You are alone, your cohorts either dead or fleeing; why don't you simply turn yourself in and accept your fate with dignity."

"I will never surrender to you, knife-ear. You die today."

Around Esmerelle, from the shadows, a group of armed guards emerged, weapons unsheathed, all staring at the elf. Eriana's weapons were out in a heartbeat, but she was so focused on the soldiers that she didn't hear the twang of the crossbow or Nathaniel's warning cry until it was too late, a bolt was already flying across the room, headed straight for her. Before she could react, Eriana found herself sprawled out on the floor, Varel laying on top of her, a crossbow bolt imbedded deep in the man's back, his blood pouring over her. "Anders," she cried out, but the mage was already there, his hands glowing with healing magic as Oghren and Justice charged toward Emerelle and the soldiers. Eriana scrambled quickly to her feet, grabbing the throwing knives that were strapped to her chest. Scanning the shadows, she saw second archer readying his weapon. Before he was able to even take aim, Eriana launched one of her knives across the room, getting a grim sense of satisfaction watching the man sink to the ground as her knife sunk into the man's skull.

Grabbing her daggers, she took up a defensive stance in front of where Anders was working desperately to save the seneschal as arrows and bolts flew across the room from every direction. Nathaniel shouted at her across the room, calling for her to take cover, but she wasn't leaving them unprotected, not after what Varel had just done for her. It didn't matter that every man there was out to kill her; she refused to run and hide and leave Varel and Anders vulnerable.

Just as Nathaniel's arrows took out the last archer, out of the shadows, a cloaked elven man wielding twin daggers appeared, moving directly toward her, an intense, focused look on his face. "Warden," he growled with a thick Antivan accent that made Eriana falter for a moment. It had been months since she had heard anyone speak with that accent, and even though it was coming from a man who was clearly about to kill her, it washed over her like the warming waters of the ocean. She was still thrown by the accent when the flash of his twin daggers drew her suddenly back into reality. Diving out of the way at the last second, Eriana was just able to barely dodge the attack; this wasn't Zevran, this wasn't training; this was a fight, a fight to the death. She had to keep that fact in mind as she and the assassin circled each other. But there was such familiarity in her movements that it was hard for her not to drop her guard. He lunged again, forcing her to the ground once again, rolling away from the attack. This time, though, he rounded on her before she had a chance to scramble back to her feet, pinning her to the ground, her arms trapped beneath her.

The assassin looked down at her and smiled beneath his cloak. "And here I thought that killing you would actually be a challenge. I suppose rumors of your prowess have been exaggerated," he said, looking down at her. Eriana struggled against his hold, but she was helpless. "Ah, kitten," he purred, "don't fight it; it hurts so much more when you fight it." He pulled a small dagger out of his cloak, and Eriana took a deep breath, her mind racing. This was it; there was nothing more she could do. She couldn't move; she couldn't fight back; she was going to die here. Her companions were all busy, fighting the soldiers; there was no one there to save her. She closed her eyes and tensed up, waiting for the inevitable end.

But it never came. Instead, she heard a dull thud and a low grunt. Opening one eye cautiously, she saw a knife lodged in the eye of the assassin. He swayed for a moment the toppled to the side off her. Looking up over her soldier, she saw Sigrun standing there, daggers in hand, a smug smile on her face as Keenan and a handful of keep guards ran past them to join the melee. "Tight spot Commander?" she asked, reaching down to pull Eriana to her feet.

"You could say that, thanks. How'd you know to come find me?"

"We found the entrance where they broke in and figured you could you use a hand." The dwarf smiled again. "I guess I was right; though you're the only one who seems to be having a problem."

Eriana glanced around the room and saw the last of the enemy soldiers go down. Nathaniel was running across the room, his eyes wide with fear. "Ana, are you okay; I saw him on you, and couldn't get a clean shot."

"I'm fine, thanks to Sigrun," she said, glancing around the room. "Esmerelle?"

"Dead, Oghren got her in a single blow. Swish and there went her head. You know, he gets really scary when people start threatening you." She smiled slightly, but that smile fell the moment her eyes fell on Anders and Varel. The mage was sitting back, wiping the sweat off his forehead while Varel's unmoving form lay on the ground in front of him. Eriana was at his side in a second, kneeling beside them to inspect her seneschal.

"Anders," she whispered, taking one of Varel's hands, "is he…"

"He'll make it. The bolt punctured a lung, but with a little rest, he'll be just fine."

Eriana released a breath that she didn't realize she had been holding as she lightly stroked his hand. "Thank the Maker." Suddenly, the reality of what just happened hit her, and she was unable to hold back the wave of emotion that crashed into her. "Why did he do this, throw himself between me and the assassin?"

"Eriana," Nathaniel said, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder, "if he hadn't stepped in front of that bolt, it would have it you in the head. You would have died instantly; he saved your life by throwing himself in front of you."

A sob racked through her. A human man, a man she had known mere months was willing die for her, willing to sacrifice his life to save hers. It was too much for her. "Anders…could you…would you stay with him, just to make sure? If something went wrong or something happened…"

"Ana, I'll take good care of him," the mage said with a reassuring smile.

"Thank you," she whispered. She wanted to get up, to follow the men with the liter carrying Varel, to make sure he was well cared for, but she found it quite impossible to move. She just sat there, staring blankly ahead, as everyone began to move around her, cleaning up the mess that the assassination attempt had left behind, inspecting the bodies for any important information. About ten minutes after the attack, Garevel came running into the keep, apologizing profusely for failing in his duty, vowing to protect her better in the future, offering to place a guard with her full-time, and pleading for her to forgive until Nathaniel finally pulled him away.

"Garevel, not now," he hissed before moving to the stunned elf's side. "Ana, honey," Nathaniel said, kneeling beside her, "do you need me to take you back to your room; do I need to get Soris for you?"

Eriana shook her head and took a deep breath, "No, not Soris…I haven't…we haven't…I just needed a minute. I mean, what would have happened if I had died and we hadn't…if the last thing we said to each other…" Her body shook as she rested her head on her knees. "I mean, I was so sure I was going to die, and I just…I just needed a minute to process it."

"Are you going to be okay? Is there anything you need?"

Sighing, she shook her head; getting to her feet, she began looking around. "No, I'll be fine, it was just a little too much to take. I'm mean, I was lying there, looking up at that man, and all I could think was, 'This is it; I'm going to die and there's nothing I can do about it.' I just felt so…helpless." She wiped the sweat off her forehead. "Did you happen to find Temmerly among the dead bodies?" She asked, trying to change the subject.

Nathaniel wasn't fooled, but thankfully, he went along with it. "No, there's no sign of him anywhere. It looks like he wasn't even here."

"When is this going to end?" she whispered to herself. Shaking her head, the elf knelt over to the body of the man who almost killed her. Pulling the hood off, she looked into his face for a moment before checking his arms for those all too familiar tattoos. An Antivan Crow, of course he was a Crow. "Don't these nobles know of any other assassin guilds," she muttered angrily to herself as she began searching the man. To her surprise, she found a signed copy of the contract with her name on it. She was so floored by it, she nearly dropped the piece of paper. In her time with Zevran, she had seen her fair share of Crow contracts, including the one he had accepted on her. She felt Nathaniel step up behind her, and she handed him the piece of paper.

"I thought you said the Crows wouldn't accept contracts on you."

"Yeah, well, that's what I thought."

"But this is a Crow…"

"I know what it is, Nathaniel," she shouted standing up, "and I know what it means, okay." Nathaniel started, taking a step away from her. "I'm sorry, Nate, I didn't mean to snap at you. I just…this could be bad. If the Crows are accepting new contracts on me…" She groaned, rubbing the back of her neck again. "Maybe I should take Garevel up on that offer of round the clock guard."

"Come on," he said, putting an arm around her, "it's been a hard day. I'll take care of this; why don't you go lie down?"

"No, I need to go check on Varel…"

"Anders has him well cared for. Now, I'm going to find Sigrun and send her up to make sure you're getting some rest, ok." She opened her mouth to protest. "No, you look like you're about to have a major break down. I'll take care of everything. Now go."

"Okay, _dad_, just make sure…"

"No, don't worry about anything, I've got everything covered. Now, I'm going to put some guards outside your door tonight, just in case there was something else we missed. I'll see you at breakfast in the morning, got it?"

Eriana smiled, gratefully. "Thank you, Nathaniel," she said turning to head up to her quarters. Stripping off her armor and leaving it for her chambermaid to clean, she quickly washed off and crawled into bed. If Sigrun ever came in to check on her, Eriana didn't know; the moment her head hit her pillow, she fell headlong into a deep and blissfully dreamless sleep.

-0-

"Eriana, can I talk to you for a minute," Soris timidly asked, walking up to his cousin the next morning. Eriana sighed and turned toward her cousin; she had been avoiding him since she got back from the Black Marshes two days ago. Nathaniel glanced up from his archery practice, an eyebrow raised in Eriana's direction. Making a face, Eriana hopped off the fence and moved to follow her cousin back into the keep.

"You wanted to talk," she said, crossing her arms under her chest, "so talk."

Soris faltered for a moment under her stern glare. "Ana, listen, I had no right to say what I did to you. It was thoughtless and harmful and down-right cruel."

"Agreed."

"And you have every right to ship me back to Denerim, but before you do just listen. When I found out who Nathaniel really was, well, it shook me to the core. I mean, I could tell how close you two had become, and I just couldn't believe that you trusted him as much as you did. I mean, after what his brother did to you…to see you sleeping with your head on his shoulder, Ana it was too much. It was like you had forgotten everything his kind put us through, everything his family put us through."

Eriana's jaw tightened. "And how the hell am I supposed to forget that? Maker's Balls, Soris, you weren't the one who was abused over and over by those people. You have no clue just how hard it was for me when Duncan first took me from the alienage. All of a sudden, I was surrounded by nothing but humans; you have no idea how terrifying that was for me or how long it took for me to even feel comfortable around them." Eriana shook her head. "But even after everything I've been through, I learned that not humans are bad; it's okay to trust some of them."

"I know, I know," Soris interrupted, "and I'm not blaming you for that. It's just going to take me some time, that's all. I've spent my entire life surrounded by nothing but elves, and the humans I did see, well, you know the humans I saw." Soris took her hands and looked down at her. "Look, Ana, I'm not defending my actions, not by a long shot; I was an ass, and I know it. I just hoped you'd be able to listen to me long enough to forgive me."

Eriana wrapped her arms around her cousin, "Soris, you were already forgiven. I totally understand why you reacted the way you did; it just hurt, you know, those things you said."

"I know," he said, kissing the top of her head. "I really screwed up there." He sighed and looked down at her, "So, are we good?"

Eriana nodded, "We're good. You can go back to force feeding me any time now."

"By the looks of things, I don't have to," Soris said, poking her lightly in the stomach, "I don't have to. I think your eating habits have started to return."

"Hey," she wined, aghast, "you are not calling me fat right after you apologized for being an insensitive jerk."

"Not at all," Soris said with a laugh. "I talked to Keenan when you all got back, and he said you had been eating just fine."

Eriana raised an eyebrow. "You talked to Keenan?"

"Yeah, well Sigrun and Anders were avoiding me as much as you were, so he was the only option left. You must have talked more to them about me than you did with Keenan."

Eriana laughed as the two of them walked back out to the practice area. "I hear you also cornered Nathaniel while I was gone. I have to say, that wasn't one of your smartest moves. He's a good man, but he was really put off with you when I left so pushing him to talk probably wasn't one of your smartest moves."

"Well, what can I say, I still thought he was sleeping with you, so I suppose I pushed a bit hard. Don't worry, it won't happen again," Soris said, glancing over at the archer who was eyeing them with a curious look. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll head inside and make sure Oghren isn't still angry with me too."

Eriana waved at him as he disappeared back inside; then hopped up on the fence to watch as Nathaniel continues his archery exercises. She had always been confident in her skills as an archer before, but next to Nathaniel, she felt as clumsy and heavy-handed as Alistair. He moved with a grace and speed she had never seen before, and she always enjoyed it when she had an opportunity to watch him with his bow.

"See something you like," Anders said as he walked up beside her, leaning back against the fence so he could look up at her.

"Now I do," Eriana said as she grinned down at him. From the archery range, Nathaniel let out a bark of laughter but wisely chose to remain otherwise silent. "How is Varel doing today?"

"He's fine, still not awake though. He probably won't wake up until later today."

"So if he's still unconscious," she said, turning to face him, a slight grin on her face, "then what are you doing out here? Aren't you supposed to be doing your healing thing."

"Well, there's only so much these hands can do. Besides, I wanted some fresh air, a little sunlight…a little you," he said, running a hand lightly up her back.

"Oh, brother," Nathaniel muttered, as he walked over from the archery range, leaning on the other side of the fence.

Eriana made a face at the rogue. "Not a word, Nathaniel. Not a word," she said, turning and slipping off the fence into Anders' arms. Resting a hand lightly on the mage's chest, "I'm sorry you've been cooped up all day; I know how anxious that makes you. I just feel so much better knowing you're watching over him, and after everything he did for me, I owe him that at least. And I want you to find me as soon as…" Eriana paused, stiffening slightly as a familiar feeling began surging through her blood; she closed her eyes, reaching out with the taint. "Do you feel that?"

Nathaniel noticed the change immediately and moved quickly to their side. "Darkspawn?"

Eriana opened her eyes and dashed out of the courtyard, running for the gates. The two men exchanged worried looks before grabbing his weapons and running after her.

-0-

Hey everyone. I hope you all enjoyed this latest update. I hope to have time to update several times this week. Let me give a special thanks to those of you who have been reading and reviewing. Your reviews mean so much to me. Eva Glana, Danyal, Judy, Kainen, and Jen, thank you all for your feedback. I know some of the relationship things might be a bit confusing, but it has a point, I swear. Just hang with me and it will make sense. Happy reading!


	25. Chapter 25

Anders was confused by Eriana's sudden strange behavior, not that she didn't often do things that confused the mage, but this was totally out of character. She didn't often just run away mid conversation without so much as a hint as to where she was going. She did tense up, though, just before she took off. His mind immediately went back to the day that he first met her when the keep was under attack. Maybe it was happening again; after all, he had just started to sense darkspawn, but they had to be really close by for him to feel anything. He shot a quick glance over at Nathaniel, who seemed just as confused as he was.

"Do you sense anything?" the rogue asked him.

"No, but she obviously does," Anders said, grabbing his staff and taking off after her, expecting to find the courtyard filled with hurlocks and genlocks. Instead, he was surprised to see a large caravan of wagons and horses moving in through the massive gates. It took him a moment to realize that they were flying the Grey Warden standard. Anders relaxed for a moment, sliding his staff back into place and moving to stand with Nathaniel behind Eriana. "Were we expecting visitors from somewhere?" he whispered up to the human rogue. Nathaniel shrugged, but before he got a chance to answer, a huge knight in full heavy plate armor with rearing griffons emblazoned on the chest dismounted from the lead horse and walked confidently across the courtyard, straight for Eriana.

"Brendan," Eriana said, crossing the yard to meet him halfway. When she was a few steps away, the knight reached up and took off his helmet. The two Wardens clasped forearms for a moment before the knight pulled her into a huge hug, lifting the young elf off her feet. Anders couldn't help but bristle a bit as Eriana laughed and threw her arms around the man's neck. "I didn't expect you for another month at the earliest!" she exclaimed once the man finally put her back down on the ground.

Brendan crossed his arms and looked down at her. "Well, when I got wind of what happened up here, we all decided that we were more needed up here, so we packed up and headed up here a quickly as we could." Eriana put a hand on her hip and looked up at him, one eyebrow raised. "We didn't leave unfinished business in the South; don't worry. We had taken out all of the main clusters of darkspawn by the time we got back into civilization and heard what had happened to you. The darkspawn weren't all that difficult to find, now that we're all attracting them. They kind of came to us."

"Ohhh, sounds fun. Were they organized?"

Brendan shook his head, "Not at all; we didn't even encounter that many emissaries. There were no talking ones either. Just your regular old mindless darkspawn."

"Maker, how I miss those." Keenan said, walking up behind them, the rest of the Amaranthine Wardens filing out behind him. "I thought I sensed more Wardens here," he said, extending a hand toward the former Redcliffe knight. "My name is Keenan, only survivor of the Orlesian Grey."

"A survivor, the King didn't mention a survivor."

"You've seen Alistair?" Eriana said, her face lighting up.

"Yes ser, we met up with his convoy just past what's left of Lothering. He filled me in on as much as he knew. I have to say, I expected to find you much more short-handed than this. We traveled with him all the way to Denerim; then we double timed it to get here as quickly as possible."

"So he's back in Denerim; well, that's good news. Keenan wasn't here when Alistair passed through, and I guess I forgot to mention that we had rescued him in my last letter; it's just been so hectic." She smiled again. "Oh, Brendan, it is really great to see you, and Maker, how I could have used you two months ago when our numbers stood at just four. But that's all past; we'll have time to discuss what happened with both of us later. For now, I'm sure you are all exhausted and could do with some rest. First though, let me introduce the newest members to the order. You've met Keenan," she said turning and pointing out each of the Wardens as she went around the circle. "And, of course, you already know Oghren. Beside him is Justice." Brendan gave her a puzzled look, but Eriana shook her head. "We have two mages, Velanna and Anders, who is an excellent healer, and two rogues, Sigrun, who is fantastic with duel daggers, and Nathaniel, who is a better archer than I am."

"Nathaniel Howe?"

"Hum, Alistair told you that one, too, huh?" Brendan huffed. "He wasn't thrilled about it either. How about you; did everyone make it okay?"

"Yes, Commander. In fact, we've added one to our numbers." Brendan turned and signaled for someone to join them. A tall, slender man with a massive dog strolled up beside him.

Anders wasn't sure how he felt about this Brendan; he seemed a bit rigid and formal, not at all like Eriana. But he was a military man, that much was obvious. Perhaps he just came off that way when you first met him, or perhaps Anders simply didn't like seeing Eriana smile up at some other man like that. "This is Hurrin," he said, clapping a hand on the lean man beside him. "He's a Chasind tracker who we tainted by some darkspawn blood. Did you know that you can save people from the taint by putting them through the Joining? It was Niko's idea, and by Andraste, it worked."

"Niko," Anders thought, tearing his eyes from Eriana and Brenden, scanning the crowd of Wardens. "Did he mean Niko Amell?" He looked around through the dozen or so Wardens who were getting off of horses and out of carts. It looked as though they were mostly warriors judging by the massive swords and axes strapped to their backs. In the very back of the pack, he found the person he was looking for; yep, it was definitely Niko Amell.

Even in his limited time in the tower, Anders had heard about young Niko. Who hadn't? Everyone knew of the young human apprentice, Irving's star pupil. According to Circle gossip, Niko was one of the most powerful elemental mages to ever pass through the circle. Tower legend says that during a class on lightning spells, he created a storm so massive and powerful that it took three templars to dispel it. The mages respected him for the sheer amount of power he could yield, and the templars feared him for the very same reason. They always kept a close watch on him, though it was never necessary. Niko was as straight forward as a mage could get. He never snuck out too meet a girl after curfew; he never skipped lessons, never talked back to a senior enchanter, never even stole an extra apple from the larder at lunch. Not only that, but he was one of the most devout Andrastians in the tower, attending vespers every evening. If anything, though, his straight-laced behavior made the templars more suspicious of him, but he never did anything to earn their ire, not while Anders was still in the tower anyway. It didn't really surprise him, then, to see Niko there; any commander worth her salt would snatch him up immediately. Talents like that were just too good to let go to waste lighting fires and teaching younglings in the Circle.

Hopping down out of the cart behind him was another familiar face from the tower, Petra, Wynne's star student and as vanilla as a mage could get. He remembered being forced to tutor her on healing spells, and though the girl was a very talented healer, she was as boring as anyone Anders had ever met. She would never respond to any of his attempts of flirting and refused to laugh at any of his jokes, till Anders finally just gave up; he simply wasn't used to putting that much effort into a girl with no hope of pay out.

"Nathaniel," he heard Eriana shout above the noise of introductions and reunions. "Do you think you could arrange some rooms for our Wardens?" Nathaniel nodded and disappeared inside.

"You have Wardens take care of household business?" Brendan asked, looking down at her. "I thought you had a seneschal."

"I do, but he is bed-ridden at the moment. He stepped in front of an assassin's bolt for me yesterday and has been unconscious ever since."

"An assassin?"

"Yeah, you missed an exciting day yesterday." Eriana said with a sarcastic smile. "Let's see, first we had a near riot in the keep courtyard, but it turns out that was all a rouse so that the real assassins could sneak in while we were dealing with that mess. Then, after we've dealt with all that, we get to fight off an all out assault, soldiers, hired assassins, you know, the works."

"Who was behind it?"

"Oh, that's the best part; it was a group of my nobles who had sworn an oath of loyalty to me not two months ago. Yeah, and this was after we took out their headquarters and got all kinds of incriminating evidence on them. Oh, and it seems the Crows are taking out new contracts on me, so that brings the total for that guild up to two, well, two that I know about."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. The Crows…but I thought you'd worked something out with them. Can't…um…your connections stop it."

Eriana shrugged, "Ignacio's gone, running things in Antiva, and I don't know the guy running things in Denerim. If they come after me again, then I'll start asking some questions, but there's nothing I can do about it now. Anyway, we can talk about all this later; go inside, relax. Tomorrow we'll meet and discuss the unpleasant things." She slapped the man on the back. "It is really good to have you all back, Brendan."

"It's good to finally be home. You have no idea how nice the prospect of warm, clean beds sounds right now."

Eriana laughed, "I'm sure it does." Turning back around, Eriana addressed the crowd. "Brothers and Sisters, it is wonderful to see you all again; welcome home. Your rooms are being prepared as we speak, so I'll give you all time to get settled in. Please take a moment to introduce yourselves to our newest Wardens; we will be doing formal introductions tonight at dinner. Until then, rest, clean up, and familiarize yourself with the keep. I'm afraid that we have been dealing with crisis after crisis here, so you all come in good time."

"Good time, from what I hear, we're a day late," someone said as the group began to disperse and make their way into the keep.

Eriana grinned and slapped the man on the back, "Garen, you old thief, how have you been?"

Garen smiled and nudged her gently, "I'm doin alright. You know, this Warden thing, it ain't half bad." The young man glanced up at the massive keep, "Yep, this definitely beats Fort Drakon prison any day. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go claim a room before all the good ones are taken," he said, giving her another grin before running off toward the keep.

"So, how's he doing?" Eriana asked Brendan.

"Well, though I thought you were crazy to begin with, you were smart to conscript that one, Commander. Aside from you and um… well, I haven't seen anyone who can match his speed with a pair of daggers."

"How is he getting along with everyone?"

Brendan started laughing, "Well, that part you don't have to worry about. It took several of the knights and dwarfs some time to warm up to him, given his more colorful past and his tendency to swipe things from them, you know, just to prove he's still got it." Eriana glanced up at him, eyebrow raised, "Ah, he always gives the stuff back; he just said he was keeping his skills sharp, you know, just in case he needed to pickpocket some hurlock or something."

"Hey, I've pickpocketed a few hurlocks in my time. It used to drive Alistair crazy. We'd be in the middle of a fight, and I'd be sneaking up behind a hurlock, taking his loot." Eriana chuckled. "He would shout at me, 'Kill them already woman; you can take their stuff when they're dead.'"

Brendan laughed, "Don't tell Keenan that; he may just take it to heart. Like I was saying, though, most of the warriors were a bit wary of him for a while, but those Dalish twins, well, that's a different story. Let's just say they took a shine to him right quick."

Eriana and Anders both glanced over at the rogue, who was walking away each arm around one of the dark-haired elven twin archers. "Cybele and Delian? No, there's no way." Brendan laughed again. "He's with both of them; well, that sly dog. He's more of a cad than a rogue."

"They don't seem to mind," Anders added, watching the three stroll away.

"No, I thought we were going to have a real mess on our hands there for a time, that we were going to have to keep those girls from scratching each other's eyes out. But they seem happy enough with the arrangement, so who am I to judge what happens in their tents."

Eriana just laughed and shook her head as she glanced over at Garen, but Anders noticed that her smile didn't quite reach her eyes. "Well, it sounds like we will have a lot to catch up on, but there will be time for that tomorrow."

Brendan's eyes narrowed, and he was suddenly very serious. "Speaking of which, are you doing alright, Eriana? Alistair told me about…."

"I'm fine, Brendan." He crossed his arms and looked down as if he didn't believe her. "Well, I'm better than I was three months ago. It's been hard, I won't lie, but I'm getting better."

Brendan nodded, "Okay, I'll take your word for it, it's just…never mind. I'll let you say hello to everyone."

Andres stood behind Eriana, greeting the Wardens as they came to speak with her, intrigued by the difference in her demeanor. All of a sudden, she was very professional and, in a way, much more detached with these members of the order. No one else mentioned her personal life or asked her any questions, and though it was clear that they had a strong relationship, it seemed to be one built on mutual respect. Brendan and Garen were the only members of the group thus far who seemed to have more than a professional relationship with. Then it hit him. All of these Wardens joined the order just after the Battle of Denerim. They all looked at her as the Hero of Ferelden first and their Warden Commander second, but they didn't see Eriana when they looked at her. And in a way he understood why. Back in Denerim, she didn't need to be Eriana when she was around her Wardens; she had Zevran and her family to go home to. He was there to listen to her concerns, to calm her fears, to support her in her difficult moments. That wasn't the case here. Here, she needed her Wardens to fill that role. She needed Nathaniel because he reminded her of Zevran; she needed Oghren and Sigrun because she felt comfortable talking to them; and she needed him, Anders, to fill that final need, the physical need. He glanced down at the elf; was that all he was to her, a warm body to fill her bed? No, surely not; Eriana wouldn't use him like that, she wasn't that kind of woman. He was letting his imagination get the better of him.

A shout from across the courtyard jarred him from his thoughts. Petra and Niko were making their way toward Eriana, and Petra looked furious. "Maker's Breath, Commander," she said, taking Eriana's chin in her head and looking at her intently, "what have you been doing to yourself? You look awful."

Eriana simply smiled, "It's good to see you too, Petra. I'm fine, it's just…"

"Fine, you think you're doing fine? I don't think so, Commander. Your cheeks are hollowed out and your eyes are dull, not to mention the fact that your armor is so loose, it's practically falling off of you." The mage's hands flared blue, "Have you been sick? Here, let me do a quick check up, just to see if you've caught something."

"Petra," Eriana said, taking hold of the mage's hands, "Petra! I told you, I'm fine. You think I look bad now, you should have seen me a month ago." Petra crossed her arms and looked sternly down at the elf. Anders almost laughed; she was definitely Wynne's pupil. "Look, I went through a really tough time a few months ago. I stopped eating, had trouble sleeping, I was so stressed that I threw up everything that I ate, but I'm getting better now."

"Don't you have a healer here or anything?"

"I do, in fact," she said, turning to Anders. "Petra, I'm not sure if you know…"

"Anders," the young mage finished for her, making a face as she looked up at him over Eriana's shoulder. "Yes, I remember him from the tower. I thought he was a good healer from what I remember, so I'm a bit surprised to see you like this." Petra stepped around the elf and looked up at him. "So, tell me, Anders, how could you let her get to this state? Have you even bothered to check her for illness or anything?" Anders shook his head and opened his mouth to defend himself, but Petra cut him off. "You haven't! What kind of a healer are you? Can you miss what is plainly obvious?"

"Hey," Eriana said, stepping between them. "Anders has done everything that he could do, but there's no spell to heal the kind of hurt I'm dealing with, so back off him." If Anders didn't know better, he would have sworn there was smoke coming from Eriana's ears. She looked like she was furious at Petra for criticizing him. It took everything in him not to swell up in manly pride, maybe she did care and wasn't using him after all. "Listen, Petra, Anders has been wonderful; everything I could ask for in a healer. But even he can't fix what's wrong with me; neither of you can."

The sound of someone clearing their throat stopped the escalating discussion from becoming a heated argument. They all turned to find Oghren standing behind them. "Petra, it's good to see you again. Not to interrupt what was clearly a happy reunion, but, Eriana, I thought you'd want to know Varel just woke up. I know you were eager to talk to him once he regained consciousness."

"Thanks, Oghren," she said, turning back to the mages, she crossed her arms and glared at them. "Now as for you two, drop it. I am a grown ass woman, and I make decisions about my own health. And I won't have you two at each other's throats on account of it. Now drop it, both of you. I'll be upstairs if you all need me," she barked at them before storming away.

Oghren stood there, just shaking his head. "I really wish you two wouldn't do that. Don't you think she have enough on her plate without having to break up a fight between the healing mages of all things?"

Petra huffed in frustration. "Something is wrong with her, Oghren; I can see it in her eyes. There is more going on here than you are willing to see. I just don't understand why she's acting like this; she's just being stubborn for some strange reason."

"Look, you know her; you know how she is," Anders said, trying his best to neutralize the situation. "She doesn't like for other people to think she needs help; she just wants to take care of everything herself."

"What," Petra said, the surprise evident in her voice. "That doesn't sound like the Commander at all. I've never know her to be so resistant to healing before."

"Look," Oghren said, looking up at both of them. "You two don't know the same woman. Zevran's leaving broke her, and I don't know if she'll ever be the same. She doesn't like feeling so vulnerable, so she compensates by refusing our help. She wants to feel in control even though she's hurting. It's annoying, but that's the way she is, now. So, Petra, just drop it. If she really gets desperate, she ask for help. Trying to push it on her just makes her feel weak, and that's the last thing she needs, believe me."

Petra glanced back at Niko who simply shrugged. "Okay, but I'm still keeping an eye on her. There's more to this than stress and lack of sleep."

Anders sighed. "Don't I know it," he muttered to himself.

-0-

Eriana poked her head into Varel's room and was thrilled to see the human sitting up, working his way through a bowl of soup as he spoke to Garevel. He still looked pale, but Eriana didn't care. It was wonderful to see him awake and eating. "Hi," she said, stepping into the room, "I heard you were awake, so I thought I come by and see how you are doing."

"My back's a bit sore, but all things considered, I guess I'm fine. Happy to be alive."

Eriana smiled as she felt tears fighting their way to the surface. Trying desperately to swallow them, she took the seat Garevel had just vacated at the seneschal's bedside. Taking Varel's hand, she looked deep into his kind eyes. "I'm happy you're alive, too, Varel. If you had died protecting me…I just don't know." She took a deep breath and squeezed his hand. "Why, Varel, why did you do that? You risked your life for me; but that's not your duty to do that. I would never demand that measure of devotion."

"I didn't do it because it was my duty," he said, covering her small hands with his other one. "I did it because it was my honor to do so. Commander, you have done more to help this arling, this nation than anyone since the rebellion. You are the best thing that has happened here in several generations. And if I had to die to preserve your life, then I would do it gladly."

Eriana was unable to hold back her tears. "But I'm just an elf," she sobbed.

"Eriana, you may be an elf, but you're not 'just' an anything. How you fail to realize your value and worth is beyond me, but trust me on this, there's not a man in this keep who wouldn't gladly make the same sacrifice I was willing to make. I'm not sure who made you believe you were of so little worth, but they were wrong to do so. My Lady, believe me when I tell you, we are lucky to have you."

"No, Varel," she said, kissing the man on the cheek, "I'm lucky to have you. I never expected to find this kind of devotion; I…I've never experienced anything like this. Thank you, Varel. I promise I will do everything to earn this dedication."

He smiled and patted he hand again. "My dear, you don't have to do a thing; you've already done enough to earn my devotion until the day I die. You will be the saving grace of this entire arling; I know it."

"Thank you," she whispered, quickly trying to wipe away her tears. "Now, you concentrate on getting better. I'm going to need men like you at my side."

Varel smiled up at her. "You can count on it, Commander."

-0-

Eriana spent the entire morning the next day locked away in her office with Garevel, Nathaniel, Keenan, Brendan, and Trom, the Orzammar dwarf who had become Brendan's second in command. Brendan's report was relatively short as the expedition to the South had been pleasantly uneventful. They spent the greater part of the morning, then, discussing the recent problems that Eriana had faced in Amaranthine and trying to devise a solution that utilized their new increased numbers.

"Until we pinpoint the exact location of this Architect's lair, I think it we need to make sure no Warden goes out without a full team, archer, warrior, and mage, at the very least," Brendan said, leaning forward and looking at the map.

"Numbers didn't help us when they first arrived," Keenan pointed out.

"Look," Eriana said, leaning forward and gesturing to the map on her desk. "I'm pretty sure that Architect's lab was located here," she said, pointing to the mines located in the Wending Woods. "We found his library and equipment for experimenting. While I doubt we could still find him there, I would guess that he's still in the area. As for this Mother, it wouldn't surprise me if we found her near the lab; after all, she's one of the Architect's experiments gone awry. I say the chances are good that her lair would be around there somewhere."

"So, we do sweeps of the area and the deep roads around there until we find something," Trom said.

"I'm afraid of the risk that would warrant," Keenan said, leaning back in his chair. "After all, the Architect is after living Wardens; we could be playing right into his hand."

"True, but we can't let this go unchecked," Eriana said. "I know this constitutes risk, but the Architect has already captured us once and we managed to escape."

"Only because Velanna's sister opened the cage door for us," Nathaniel pointed out. "We may have never gotten out without her."

"We also have our civilians to consider," Garevel said. Brendan had been against letting a non-Warden into their meeting, but Eriana had insisted. This was the first time he had really spoken up about an issue. "They are counting on us not only to deal with the darkspawn problem, but we must also protect them at the same time."

"Maybe we could station a couple Wardens in Amaranthine with the city guards," Nathaniel suggested. "They could give warning if there was going to be an attack and help the guard defend should an attack take place."

"That sounds good," Eriana said. "We can leave a group stationed here and a few in the city. Brendan, who would you sugget?"

"You could send Dillon and Gwen; she did work in the Denerim guard before she joined the Wardens. She would be able to work easily with them here."

"Makes sense; why Dillon though; wouldn't you want to send a scout or an archer instead of another warrior?" Eriana asked. When she didn't get an immediate answer, she glanced up and noticed a knowing grin on Brendan's face. "Oh, she and Dillon. Wow, Brendan, what did you do, encourage them to pair off?"

Brendan chuckled, "Ah, you know how it is, a long time on the road together, living in close proximity, stuff starts to happen."

"I understand. We can let them stay in Esmerelle's estate. I suppose I can rightfully seize it, seeing as how she just tried to kill me."

Everyone laughed as there was a knock on the door. Anders and a few servants came in with several trays of food. "I was elected to come in and make sure you were all still alive in here, so I thought I'd bring lunch as well."

Eriana thanked him as everyone began to get up to get something to eat. They must have been sitting there for quite a while because the moment she stood up, Eriana noticed that her muscles were extremely stiff, especially her lower back. Grimacing slightly in pain, she reached back with one hand, trying to work some of the pain out.

"Ana, are you okay?" Anders asked, immediately responding to her low groan of pain.

"Yeah, Anders I'm fine; just not used to sitting still for this long, I guess. My back is killing me."

He glanced down at her, "Has this been a problem in the past?" Eriana shook her head. "May I take a look?"

"Yeah, Anders, that would be great, thank you." She breathed easier as the warm feeling of his magic flowed over her. She closed her eyes as his hands traveled down her back, easing the dull ache that had been settling there. Suddenly, Anders made a strange sound and pulled his hands back. "What is it," she said, turning toward him, alarmed by the concerned look on his face. "What's wrong?"

Anders shook his head. "I'm not sure; I just felt something…odd as I was healing your back."

"What is it?" Nathaniel said, coming up behind him.

"I don't know, exactly," the mage said, a worried look crossing his face. "I would need to do a full work up to be sure; do you think we could…"

Whatever he was going to say, Eriana never heard. At that moment, Sigrun dashed into the room. "Eriana, we just got a report from some of our scouts. They say that there is a massive horde of darkspawn headed straight for the city." So much for all their planning; the time to face the Architect was here, whether Eriana and the Wardens were ready for it or not.

-0-

_Meanwhile, back in Denerim_…

"Ser Temmerly, I have to say I am disappointed. I had rather hoped you would be bringing me the news of the demise of the great Hero of Ferelden by now. Instead, I'm greeted by you and your rather lame excuses. Now, tell me, why is that elf still drawing breath, and why are you back here begging me for aid?"

"We attempted to make some unwise alliances. Apparently, someone went to the Warden and alerted her to our plans. She and her Wardens raided our headquarters. Most of my allies gave chase, but they were demolished by her forces. Only Esmerelle and I remained behind, so we were the only ones to survive."

"Does she know you were involved?" Temmerly nodded. "And I assume you and Esmerelle want me to hide you."

"Not exactly, Esmerelle is obsessed with killing the knife-ear; she still plans to go through with our original plan, although, with her low numbers, she's bound to fail. We will likely hear of her death in a few days' time."

"Fool!"

"I agree."

There was a sigh and a long silence that seemed to hang in the room. "Tell me, Hayden, does anyone know of my involvement, that it was I who gave you the original idea?"

"No, I never even told Esmerelle that you suggested hiring the assassin," Temmerly said.

"So, what is it that you want from me? The Warden obviously knows that you are implicated in this; offering you sanctuary merely implicates me. For obvious reasons, my name must be kept away from this mess you all have made."

"I'm not asking you to defend me; I'm simply asking that you involve me in whatever plans you have in store for her. I want to see her meet her end as dearly as you do. Surely there is something I can do to help you. Please, she deserves to pay for what she's done."

Another sigh, "I suppose I can use you. We will need to be discreet, though, and we can't attack her in her Keep again. She will be too heavily guarded there."

"Here in Denerim, then?" Temmerly suggested. "I realize it brings the plot close to you, but she and half the nation will be here in three months time for the one year celebration. It would be easy to hide behind to massive crowd, and amid all the celebration and commotion, getting to her should be easy. Besides, my sources have confirmed that her assassin has definitely abandoned her; she'll be more vulnerable than ever."

"Excellent, well, I suppose, Temmerly, that you weren't a total loss. One of my men will meet you outside the market place and will escort you someplace safe while I figure out what to do next."

"Thank you," Hayden said, turning to go. He turned back when he reached the door, "As long as I'm a part of it, I don't care how it goes down. I just want to see that bitch bleed."

"Don't worry, my friend, you will. All in good time, you will."

-0-

Dum dum dum! (cue the dramatic music). I had hoped to get this up sooner, but I had a really tough time getting this chapter going. My muse kept getting distracted by a dreamy green-eyed elf with a gravely angst-filled voice. Anyway, the vultures are beginning to circle around Eriana it seems, and it's time to go confront the Architect. Maybe now that I've beaten DA 2, I can focus my thoughts back on Eriana.

I also needed a chance to reintroduce my OC characters, at least the ones that will play a role later in to story.

As always, I hope you all enjoy. Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


	26. Chapter 26

The moment they received news that Amaranthine was under attack, the Wardens immediately sprang into action. She understood that it was extremely important for them to get there as quickly as possible, so after brief meeting with everyone in the keep's main chamber, she left for the city with Keenan, Brendan, Anders, Nathaniel, and Sigrun along with Garevel and two of his knights. Keenan and Nathaniel were the most experienced riders in the group, so Sigrun and Eriana rode with them, much to Anders' protests. Originally, she had planned to leave all the Southern Wardens behind; after all, they had only arrived to the Vigil the day before. But Brendan had protested that he was fine, so in the end, he came along. She had wanted to bring Oghren and Justice with her, but Oghren couldn't ride a horse, thanks to his short, stubby legs, and Justice couldn't remember whether Kristoff had any experience or not. In the end, she left the defense of the keep to them, and rode with her small party toward the city. They were well on their way before Eriana realized that she had forgotten to talk to Soris before she left. She knew he would likely be upset by this, but there was little she could do about it until they returned.

The trip to Amaranthine took them much longer than usual because they had to keep stopping to kill off the groups of darkpsawn that stood in their way. It seemed like every mile or so, there was another group that they were forced to kill, and these weren't easy little groups either. At times there were as many twenty or thirty creatures. As a result, it was well past midday before Eriana and the Wardens stood at the gates of the city of Amaranthine, but only after fighting thery way through another massive group of darkspawn that was milling around outside the city. Taking a deep breath, Eriana stared up at her city, the taint pulsating through her veins as she she tried to assess the gravity of the situation. It was like she was once again standing before the gates of Denerim, about to engage the whole of the darkspawn horde. Every muscle in her body was clinched, and she felt as if she was wound as tight as a spring about to be released. Deep in the recesses of her mind, she could hear a faint humming as the darkspawn within the city began to sense the Warden presence and move to intercept. "Maker's Balls," Keenan gasped beside her, "can you get a count as how many are in there?"

"Too many to count," Brendan muttered from the other side. "What's the plan of attack, Commander?"

Eriana was about to answer with Guard Captain Aidan came running up to them. "Warden Commander," he said, holding his keens as he gasped for breath. "I'm so sorry, Commander. They were on us so fast, and before I realized what was happening, we were completely overrun. It seemed like they were appearing from nowhere in the middle of the city. There was nothing we could do to stop them. They were just everywhere."

"Where are your men?" Eriana asked.

"Most of them are still in the city, dead, I would assume. I assembled what few I could and made for the gates; we helped as many survivors as we could on the way out but...I'm sorry, I've failed you Commander, I'm afraid we lost the city."

Eriana glanced up at him, "Lost, what do you mean lost?"

"There's no saving it; there's little that even you can do now. We tried to keep them out, but they had us completely surrounded before we knew it. There was nothing that we could do. Those things have been spreading pestilence unchecked all morning. Commander, I'm sorry, but Amaranthine is lost."

"No," Eriana said, gritting her teeth in anger. "The city still stands; there are people within those walls who we can yet save."

"People who are undoubtedly tainted by those things. It is hopeless; they're all gone." Aidan was about to say more when a massive hurlock began strolling casually up the path toward the city, its weapon securely fastened to its back in a clear show of nonaggression. Nathaniel obviously wasn't taking any chances; the instant he noticed the creature approaching, he shouted out in warning and quickly drew his bow. "Peace," it said in a gravelly voice, holding up his hands defensively, "do not be killing. The architect wishes that I deliver a message to the Grey Wardens."

"You have a message for us? Well, spit it out then, darkspawn," Eriana growled through clinched teeth, her brain humming with the taint as he drew closer.

"The Mother's army marches on Vigil's Keep; she attacks now." The darkspawn said, moving closer. Eriana felt the blood drain from her face. She swayed on her feet for a moment before Anders caught her, and suddenly she found herself separated from the talking creature by a glowing magical shield. The barrier didn't seem to faze the darkspawn. "The architect sent me to warn you; you must save the keep then finish the Mother in her lair."

"This is a trick, Eriana, we can't trust them," Keenan muttered from beside her.

"Why did the Architect send you?" she said, looking at the creature through Anders' magical shield.

"He wishes to earn the Grey Wardens' trust. He does not wish for the Mother to succeed."

"If we leave now," Garevel said, stepping up beside her, "we may be able to make it back to Vigil's Keep in time to save it."

"And what about the darkspawn here?" Anders spit angrily. "Are we just supposed to hope they take care of themselves?"

"The army here will come to Vigil's Keep," the creature said. "It isn't the city the Mother wants. It's the keep; she wants the keep utterly destroyed."

Garevel stepped up in front of Eriana, "This darkspawn has a point," he said, he disgust evident in his voice. "We cannot leave with another army heart on our heels. The Constable said that the city was lost. I say we destroy it, burn it to the ground and all the darkspawn within it."

"Garevel, I can't believe what you're suggesting," Eriana said. "I am not abandoning everyone in this city."

"The city is already lost, Commander. We can't lose the keep as well."

Eriana shook her head, "While those buildings still stand, it is not lost. There are people, survivors still inside."

"Tainted by the darkspawn," Garevel pointed out.

"Some of them maybe, but Denerim was under siege for three days before we arrived. Three days! And we still found survivors, people who had walled themselves up and had stayed away from the taint." She turned and looked back at the small party she had brought with her. "There are fifteen Wardens back at the keep along with most of the guard. Our walls are thick and our defenses are strong; the six of us will make little difference there, but we can make a world of difference here. The mother was not expecting our forces to be this strong; we have an advantage both here and at back at the Keep. As long as I am here, I will not turn over defenseless civilians to the hands of those creatures, not while I still draw breath. Are you with me?"

"Of course, I'm with you," Sigrun said with a giant grin on her face. "That's what Wardens do, right, we defend people from the darkspawn."

Everyone around her nodded, and Eriana gave a sigh of relief. "Good, take a few minutes to get ready, we're in for a long, hard fight. Keenan, Brendan, talk to the guards and see if you can figure out where the biggest groups are located. We'll start our attack there." As everyone started to prepare for battle, Nathaniel took her by the arm and led her aside, "Eriana, are you sure about this? I mean, I trust Oghren and the others too, but…Soris is there. Should anything happen, I wouldn't want you…"

"I know, Nathaniel, I know," Eriana said, trying hard not to think about her cousin. "But your sister is here, and thousands of sisters, brothers, cousins, children are here, too. Soris has a full Grey Warden force between him and the darkspawn. Besides, he's had training in combat; when push comes to shove, he can take care of himself. Besides, I knew this was a possibility when I agreed to let him stay. If I went against my better judgment and killed these people just to ensure his safety, Nate, I could never forgive myself." She sighed and put a hand on his chest. "Now, let's go; we've got a city to save."

Turning around she addressed her Wardens. "Anders, you and Nathaniel need to hang back and attack from a distance, but be sure to save some of your energy in case you need to heal us, Anders. We can't afford to lose anyone in here, so I'm counting on you." Anders nodded in agreement. "Keenan, I want you in Sigrun fighting together; Sig, stay on his shield side and watch each other's backs. Brendan, you and I will do the same. Play this conservative and don't do anything stupid, like get yourselves killed."

-0-

Night was falling when an exhausted Eriana finally pulled her daggers from the chest of the last hurlock. All around here lay the mangled bodies of dead darkspawn and humans alike. It had been a brutal day, but the taint had finally stopped humming inside her. Sheathing his sword, Brendan stepped up beside her. "Do you sense anymore?" he asked, stepping up beside her.

Eriana shook her head. "No, not close by at least. I think we've got all of them in the city. Thank the Maker it was confined to the market district. It looks as though the gates to the other parts of the city were sealed before the darkspawn could get to them."

"It was the elves," one of the guards said as the bloody and tired group began to assemble around her. "They saw the darkspawn coming, and managed to close off the other districts, keeping those things here."

Eriana gave a small, self-satisified smile; that action alone had probably saved the entire city, "That's good." She took a deep breath and looked around at the guards and Wardens who had all joined her, looking to her for guidance and leadership. "We need to find a secure place where we can start rounding up survivors."

"How about the Chantry?" Brendan suggested. Behind her, Anders gave a quiet moan.

"The Chantry would be perfect. Okay, spread out and search for anyone who is still alive. Have them collect food and water and a few changes of clothes and head to the Chantry. If they want to stay in their homes, advise them to secure the doors and windows. There's another wave coming."

"When?"

"I'm not sure, not tonight; they're still a good ways off as far as I can tell. Aidan, do you think you could get word into the other districts? Instruct them to keep the gates locked until they get word from the city guard or Wardens. Meet back here in two hours, understood? I'll try to get a handle on just what we can expect in the morning."

Everyone nodded and moved to spread out through the city. Eriana watched them leave before climbing the steps to the Chantry. Closing her eyes, she leaned back against the low stone wall that ran in front of the Chantry and tried to stretch her Warden senses to the limit. Feeling out with the taint, she tried to locate the armies moving toward them. Pulling on the very limits of her strength, mental and physical, Eriana concentrated on the darkspawn, trying to tap into the group mind that governed them. After a what seemed like hours, she began to feel the taint pull at her. A large group was moving toward them; if they kept the current rate, they would likely arrive just before morning. The group was huge, about the size of the force they had fought that day, but there was an odd feeling about them. It made her uncomfortable to be connected to them. She tried to pull back, to distance herself from the approaching horde, but for some reason, she couldn't break the connection. She felt inexplicably drawn to them. In the recesses of her mind, she could hear a deep, seductive voice calling out to her, enticing her to join them. A sharp pain began radiating through her head as a dull buzz began to roar in her ears.

A gentle hand on her shoulder shocked her back to reality. Opening her eyes abruptly, Eriana had only a moment to register Nathaniel's face before a wave of nausea poured over her and she lost the contents of her stomach. Luckily, it had been a long time since she had eaten anything, so it was mostly dry heaving, but it was several minutes before she could sit upright without Nathaniel's assistance.

"Ana," Nathaniel said, kneeling tentatively beside her, "What's wrong? Do I need to find Anders?"

Eriana shook her head and, with his help, struggled to her feet. "No, I just over did it. I was trying to sense the darkspawn to try and figure out what we were up against, and…I don't know, I think I got caught somehow. It was like they were drawing me to them, and I couldn't break the mental connection between us. It was strange." She rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand and finally looked up. "Oh, Delilah, you're safe. That's such a relief to me and I'm sure to Nathaniel."

The human woman threw her arms around Eriana, crying for a moment before stepping back, a hand held protectively over her growing stomach. "I don't know how to thank you, Commander. I was all alone when those things showed up, and with Albert gone…I just was so afraid that you wouldn't come."

"I'm glad you're safe. Why don't you head into the Chantry and find some place to rest; we'll meet you in there." Delilah hugged the elf one more time before heading into the building. Eriana glanced up at a still-concerned-looking Nathaniel. "I guess you told her about the argument at the gates?" Nathaniel nodded, still giving her that critical eye. "I'm fine, Nathanial, really; it was just a bit overwhelming. So, where is everyone else?"

"Brendan is arranging watches with the guard; Sigrun is checking the Chantry for secret entrances and escape routes should the worst happen; and Anders is tending to injuries."

"Good, listen, don't say anything to Anders about all that; he'll just worry and use up the last of his strength trying to diagnose a problem that isn't there. Beside, those people in there need him right now more than I do," she said as they walked into the Chantry, the guards barring the door behind them. The Chantry was filled wall to wall with those taking refuge behind the solid walls of the religious sanctuary. Eriana shook her head. "All these people would be dead if I had burned the city," she muttered, almost to herself.

"And you saved them just like you always do. It's kind of you thing, isn't it, saving people," Nathaniel said.

"I just wish I could have been faster. We should have had people stationed here already."

Nathaniel put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You did all that you could, Eriana."

Eriana nodded, "I know; it just feels like it's never enough." She sighed sadly, "But what's done is done; now all we can focus on is what we need to do to stop this once and for all. If we can withstand this next wave, then we can march on the Mother. We just need to get some rest, though, and I have no idea how that will happen in here."

"Commander, if I may," a soft voice said from behind them. Turning around, the two Wardens were met with the kind face of the Revered Mother. "Please take my room for the night. You and your Wardens need your strength for the trials you will be facing. Besides, my place tonight is with these people; they need my comfort now."

"That is a very generous offer, Your Grace; are you sure?" Eriana said. The Revered Mother smiled and nodded before turning to a group of crying children huddled together. Eriana waved over the Wardens and explained the Revered Mother's offer. She could see the looks of relief on all of their faces. "Well, I guess we should try to get some sleep; it may be a long time before we…"

"Keenan, is that you?" Every Warden head turned toward the nervous sounding voice. There stood a woman none of them expected to ever see again.

"Nida," Keenan said, his voice and face suddenly hard. "What are you doing here?"

Nida glanced nervously around the group before turning her gaze back to her husband. "Oh, Keenan, I was so worried about you. When the darkspawn started attacking, and I saw what they could do…Oh, I was so wrong, Keenan; I had no idea what you Wardens really did. You are amazing; you are all amazing. I was so wrong to behave the way that I did. Could you ever forgive me?"

Keenan's eyes narrowed, "What happened to your friend."

She lowered her eyes. "I sent him away months ago, Keenan. I couldn't stand to look at him after what I did to you; I was just too ashamed to come and apologize. I wanted to, oh, how I wanted to, but I was afraid that after all that I had done that you would never forgive me."

"So now what; do you expect to show back up here, say you're sorry, and that all will be forgiven? You abandoned me Nida! You left me when I needed you most. Do you know that the thought of coming back to you was the only thing that kept me alive when I was trapped down there. All I could think about was the fact that I might die and leave you alone in this unfamiliar city, and do you know what? I felt guilty! Guilty! Guilty that I actions would have hurt you. Then I come back to discover you're already with someone else, that you were with him before I left. Can you imagine how that made me feel?" he hissed at her and turned to storm away, but she caught his arm and fell to her knees in front of him, tears streaming down her face.

"I'm so sorry, Keenan. I know that there's nothing I can do to make things right. There's nothing that I can say that will take away the hurt that I've caused you, but if you'll take me back, if you'll have me, I swear by the Maker I will spend every waking moment of the rest of my life making it up to you. Just please don't turn your back on me now; don't send me away."

She scrambled to her feet and gently touched his cheek. "I watched you today Keenan; I watched as you moved through the city cutting those beasts down, and it finally hit me just what it is that you do. I realized just how much you do for all of us, what a noble sacrifice you made, and I realized what a fool I had been. I never should have left you, Keenan; it was selfish of me. I know a simple sorry doesn't fix it, but I was hoping that maybe there's a chance that it's not too late, that you still might love me." Nida reached down and took his hands in hers. "Just say you still love me, and I am yours, forever. I love you, Keenan, My Warden, and I was a fool to let you go."

Nida's words tore through Eriana with unexpected force. The pain on her face, the sincerity of her words, it was all too much for her. She felt something inside her beginning to break down, he carefully constructed defenses start to crumble, but she wasn't exactly sure why. As discretely and silently as possible, Eriana slipped away before Keenan could respond. She just couldn't be there, couldn't witness such genuine regret, such true love, and then she realized why. Nida was echoing the very words that Eriana had always played over in her mind when she imagined Zevran returning to her. "My Warden," "I am yours," "I was a fool," these were all things she had hoped to hear from him, so hearing them whispered with such sincerity to another, it was more than her fragile emotions could handle.

Eriana glanced back over to the crowd of Wardens just in time to see Keenan claim Nida in a passionate kiss, relief, pure joy, and love clear on both their faces. Jealousy and longing tore through her with such ferocity it was like a hole was being ripped in her chest. All of a sudden, she couldn't breathe. Sinking to the floor in a back corner of the Chantry, Eriana pulled her knees up to her chest, trying desperately to stop the pain radiating through her. She was happy for them; she really was, but at the same time, seeing that kind of genuine love was tearing her apart. Keenan had been going through the same thing that she had, but now his hurt was over. He had the woman he loved in his arms. In her mind's eye, the scene before her shifted, and she could see Zevran in Nida's place, making the same declaration before claiming her in a loving kiss. A longing that she thought she had finally managed to squelch returned with vicious tenacity, opening old wounds she had hoped were finally beginning to heal. "Now is not the time for such feelings," she tried to tell herself, but no matter how hard she tried to stop the pain, it was still there, eating at her as ferociously as they had on her first day in Amaranthine.

She sat there, alone in the shadows, trying to gain control of her feelings. She needed sleep, desperately, but she was in no condition to sleep just now. Eriana knew full-well that if she did try to go to sleep, she would just be interrupted by nightmares, nightmares that she just couldn't deal with right now. Brushing her legs off, Eriana scrambled to her feet, making her way back into the room where the Wardens were preparing for sleep. Nathaniel shot her a concerned look, but she waved him off, moving over to where Anders was already curled up on the floor, fast asleep. She was wrong before; she needed the mage, now more than ever. Settling down beside him, Eriana reached over and gently brushed the golden hair off his face. His eyes fluttered for a moment, but he didn't wake up. It was clear that he was completely exhausted, ever last pit of energy in him had been spent patching up soldiers and citizens alike. He had drained himself to the point of absolute exhaustion. Eriana smiled down at him. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into the bedroll with him, to wrap his arms around her fall asleep in his warm embrace, but she didn't have the heart to wake him. Planting a light kiss on his forehead, she got to her feet and made her way over to the bed.

"Commander," Brendan whispered, "we decided that you and Sigrun should take the bed. We'll just sleep on the floor.

Eriana smiled at Brendan, ever chivalrous, ever the gentleman. "Are you sure; it looks like there's plenty of room for someone else."

Brendan wouldn't hear of it. Eriana grabbed her pack and moved behind the changing screen to wash off some of the grime from the day's battle and change into a new set of linen under clothes. It would make putting her armor on in the morning easier. Once she was done, she came around to screen to find that most everyone else had already fallen asleep, so she climbed into the Revered Mother's bed beside the dwarf who had also already snoring quietly. Pulling the blankets tightly around her, she watched as Nathaniel, the only person still standing, moved silently around the room, extinguishing the lights, leaving only one dimly glowing before he settled into the bedroll on the ground beside the bed. Eriana closed her eyes and tried to coax herself into a peaceful sleep, but sleep was hard to come by, even in her exhaustion. In the darkness, she could hear the whispered talk between Keenan and Nida, too low for human hearing, but clear as crystal to her superior elven ears.

For nearly an hour, she lay there, exhausted, but unable to find sleep. Rolling over with a slight groan, she found herself looking down at Nathaniel who was staring up at her. "Can't sleep?" he whispered. Eriana nodded. Sighing, Nathaniel rolled over and pulled back his bedroll, patting the ground beside him. Eriana didn't need a second invitation. Crawling out of the bed, Eriana slipped down to the floor and crawled into Nathaniel's open arms, her back resting against his chest. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she savored to comfortable, familiar leather smell that filled the air around her. The rogue's breath was warm on her ear.

"I know that it was painful for you, watching the reunion between those two. I'm sure it brought back memories that you wish you could forget," Nathaniel whispered in her ear, his warm breath caressing her neck. "I know you are hurting right now, and I wish that there was something I could do to help."

"You are, Nathaniel," she whispered, snuggling closer to him and pulling his arms tightly around her. "This is what I need right now. I just need to feel…safe, that's all."

Nathaniel gave her a quick squeeze. "I've got you, Eriana, and I'm here whenever you need me, however you need me."

Eriana rested her head against his chest. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Nate. You're a good friend, a gift from the Maker himself." And with that, she finally felt herself yield to the exhaustion that had been gnawing at her for hours. She didn't care that there would be talk in the morning when the others awoke to find her in his bedroll; she would deal with that when it came up. Right now, the fade was beckoning her.

As the two rogues began to fall asleep, Nathaniel's hand slipped down over her stomach, splaying out protectively across it. Had either of them been more awake, they would have felt the tiny flutter of movement just beneath his hand, a tiny flicker of life that was there for just a moment. But they were both too exhausted to register what they had felt, so the tumbled off to sleep completely oblivious to the fragile life that was desperately trying to make itself known.

-0-

Okay, so yes, I've been dropping hints about the big revelation in this chapter for some time now, and several of you have already guessed at it, so huzzah, good for you! If you all don't mind too much, I'd prefer not to rehash all the blow by blow fighting (describing fight scenes is definitely not my forte and you have all played it before), so I probably won't go into great detail with the upcoming fight scenes.

Special thanks to those of you who have been reviewing. You have no idea how much those messages in my inbox mean to me! Thanks to Kainen-no-Kitsune, Danyal, Jen4306, CynderJen, and Eva Galana for your reviews the last few chapters and for giving me the inspiration to keep going. Let me know what you think about the new revelation!


	27. Chapter 27

The next two days passed in an absolute blur of blood and destruction for Eriana and her Grey Wardens. It seemed that the next forty-eight hours were filled with nothing but death and fighting, but by the Maker's mercy, the Wardens seemed to come through unscathed. The second wave of darkspawn attacked Amaranthine just before dawn, using the smuggling caves as an easy access route into the city. Eriana and her Wardens along with several members of the Vigil's Keep guard fought back wave upon wave of darkspawn as the citizens of Amaranthine remained safe and secure under the protection of the city guard behind the walls of the Chantry. It was a grueling task, taking the Wardens most of the day, but they finally managed to secure the city.

Once Eriana determined that there were no more darkspawn approaching Amaranthine, they left the security of the city to Garevel and the remainder of the guards and set out to face the Mother in her lair. It took them nearly a day and a half, traveling on horseback to reach Drake's Fall, the graveyard of dragon bones where, according to the Architect's envoy, they would find the entrance to the caves that housed the Mother. Night was falling when they finally reached the entrance, and Eriana groaned as she crouched on a low ridge, looking at the dragon that was standing in front of the cave's entrance. "Of course we would have to fight a dragon," she muttered to herself as she and Sigrun crept back from scouting the cave's entrance. "What is this for me, seven dragons in the past two years?" she asked with a sigh after briefing the others on their predicament. "Where do all these dragons come from anyway? I thought they were supposed to be extinct."

"Well, this one will only be my second," Keenan said, "if you count that ethereal dragon we fought in the Black Marshes."

"Did it shoot fire and try to take you out with its tail?" Brendan said.

"Yep."

"Then it's a dragon," he said with a nervous laugh. "It's only my second, too, though I think the archdemon should probably count double."

"Hey, that puts me in second place in the dragon count, then," Anders said, "this one will be my fourth."

"Those two in the Architect's caves were really small Anders, you could barely count them as full dragons," Eriana said.

"You are," Anders pointed out.

"Touché," Eriana said with a roll of her eyes. "Okay, boys…and Sigrun, let's focus here. This one is a bit bigger than most of the other ones we've faced, and we're out in the middle of nowhere, which means, no backup. We have to be really careful here. Anders, do you have any of that skin balm that absorbs heat?" Anders nodded digging through his pack of medical supplies and handing her a few small vials. "Keenan and Brendan, you two need to make sure every inch of exposed skin is covered with that; the dragon will see you two as the biggest threat, so she will likely focus on you. Stay behind your shields as much as possible. Sigrun, you and I will need to focus on the weak spot toward the back; just keep an eye on that tail. Trust me, it can do some major damage if it caches you by surprise. Don't forget to treat your blades before we head in there." The dwarf nodded and pulled a vile of poison out of her pack and began working on them as the two Warriors began to prepare for the fight. "Nathaniel, ice arrows if you've got them. Stay close to Anders, these big ones will sometimes have little dragons that will come to their aid during a fight."

As everyone moved about their tasks, preparing for battle, Anders took Eriana by the arm and led her away from the group a bit. The moment they were out of sight of the rest of the Wardens, Anders pulled Eriana against him, crushing his lips against hers in a fierce and passionate kiss. Her legs buckled slightly as she melted against him. She could feel the desperation and anxiety emanating from him, which only served to make her more anxious, so she clung to him all the more tightly, savoring the feel of his body against hers. It had only been a few days since she had last been in his arms, since his lips had last caressed hers, but with all that had happened recently – the attack on the city, the attempt on her life, the return of her Wardens – it had felt like so much longer, like a lifetime ago. The fact that she could feel the tension in his lips, the desperation in the way he seemed to kiss her made her that much more nervous for what was about to come. But she wasn't nervous for herself. For the first time since Zevan left, Eriana was actually beginning to feel that there was something to live for, something that she couldn't bear to lose. Somehow this felt like more than base physical desire. The yearning for him was still there, but there was more now. Looking up at the blonde mage whose lips were dancing across her jaw line, she tried to sort out this new rush of feelings. Were they genuine or were they just pre-battle nerves manifesting themselves in a familiar way?

Anders sighed briefly and pulled back to look down at her. "Please take care of yourself out there," he whispered into the top of her head. "I don't think I could bear it if anything happened to you." He tilted her head up and gently traced the contours of her face. "I know this seems fast and that we've only known each other for a few months, but you have done more for me in those few months than anyone has done for me in my entire life. If something happened to you now, before I got a chance to let you know how I feel, I… I would never forgive myself."

"Anders, I…"

"No," he said, putting a hand to her lips, "just let me finish first. I know you don't feel the same way. I know you've been hurting so with all that happened, but I just wanted to you know how I felt. Eriana, I've come to care a great deal for you over the past few months, and I know you're not ready for that much more right now, but that's okay. I'm willing to wait until you are ready because I know you will be worth the wait."

Eriana smiled, "Anders, are you sure this is the best time for this discussion. I mean I'm all for talking about how feelings and all, but aren't we on the verge of something big here?" She grinned and patted him on the arm. "We are about to go fight a dragon after all; shouldn't we be focusing on that instead?"

"I am focusing. Focusing on the one thing that is sure to keep me going if it gets rocky out there and that's the knowledge that if things go well out there, then I'm going to have a long time to make you feel as happy as I feel right now. You're my reason for getting us all through this safely. For the first time in my life, I feel like I have a purpose, and it's all because of you." He smiled and kissed the top of her head. Eriana gulped in spite of herself, this was all beginning to feel very familiar. "It's going to sound funny, but those templars capturing me in Amaranthine was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me because…"

But Eriana didn't hear the rest of what Anders had to say. Those words triggered a vivid memory, and suddenly she found herself standing before the gates of Denerim, staring up into a different set of warm, honey eyes. "Assassinating you was the luckiest thing that ever happened to me," Zevran whispered to her, holding her tightly in his arms as Denerim burned around them. "Know this, my Ana," he said, tilting her head up to look in her eyes, "for a chance to be by your side, I would storm the gates of the Black City itself."

She knew it was a memory, but it was so fresh, so real, that she couldn't bring herself back to the present. Anders' words, though sincere and heart-felt were not enough; they would never be enough. Regardless of what he or any other man did, none of them would ever measure up. They would all simply remind her of what she had of what she had and lost. It was cruel and unfair, but it was the honest truth. Standing there in Anders' arms, about to go into another epic battle, and Eriana found herself wishing she was standing before the gates of Denerim, about to engage the archdemon again only so that she could be looking up into Zevran's warm eyes again.

Shaking her head, Eriana brought herself back into the moment. Anders was looking down at her, affection and concern dancing across his face. He was sweet, he was handsome, she cared for him deeply, but he was not Zevran, he would never be Zevran, and she would have to come to terms with that if she was ever going to allow herself to be happy again. But now was not the time to try to sort all that out. Rocking up on her toes, she planted a soft kiss on the mage's lips. "We'll be fine Anders, and there will be plenty of time to pick up where we left once we put a stop to this darkspawn maddness. Besides, it's not my fault you were sound asleep by the time I came to find you in the Chantry," she said with a sly smile. He groaned and leaned down to kiss her once more. Smiling, she took his arm and led him back to where the others were ready and waiting. The more difficult things in her life would have to wait until later, right now, she had a dragon to fight.

-0-

It wasn't an easy thing, but the hand full of Wardens managed to bring the massive creature down. Once the dragon lay dead, the Wardens began making their way into the deep network of caves that housed the Mother. Eriana could feel the taint palpitating inside of her, drawing her down, down, down, further into the depths of the Mother's lair. They met little resistance at first, a hurlock or genlock here and there, but nothing major. The Mother was obviously holding her troops back, preparing to make one massive assault against them, but the Wardens had no other choice but to follow the stragglers down into her trap. Making their way deeper into the Mother's lair, the Wardens suddenly found themselves in a huge, cavernous room. Their footsteps echoed as they slowly and cautiously descended the narrow staircase that wound around the room's edge. "I know it's a little cliché, and it's probably going to bring another dragon down on our heads or something," Anders whispered, moving to join Eriana on the cave's floor, "but I have a bad feeling about this. Something just isn't right here."

As Eriana turned to answer, a sudden noise drew their attention up to the cave's entrance. A voice echoed through the chamber, "And so we meet again, Commander." There stood that Architect with a corrupted dwarven woman hunched down beside him. Eriana didn't hesitate. Immediately she drew her bow and fired an arrow directly at the emissary; beside her, Nathaniel did the same thing. But moments before their arrows hit him, the creature lifted his hand, and a wave of magic stopped the arrows just inches from his chest, sending them falling harmlessly to the floor.

"Now, now," the Architect said, in a gravelly voice. "There's no need for that. I am not here to attack you, only to talk." Lifting his hands, he began to slowly rise off the ground, hovering for a few seconds before he slowly descended to the cave floor only feet from where they were standing. "I apologize for the trouble I have caused you; I do not wish to be your enemy. I wanted to speak to you last time we met, but fate intervened."

Eriana growled, her teeth clinched tightly, "I do not work with darkspawn. Besides, last time we met, you tied me up and experimented on me."

"True, I did bind you, but only to prevent the same misunderstanding that happened with the rest of your order."

"Misunderstanding? You call killing my entire order a misunderstanding?"

"I sent my people to ask for your help. I should have assumed that they would have seen it as an attack; I am rarely able to judge how your kind will react. It was most unfortunate."

"Unfortunate or not is beside the point," Eriana said with a sneer, "like I said before, I don't work with darkspawn."

"But you should," the Architect said calmly, "because I could make your job a great deal easier. You see, we are not all that different, you and I, in the goals we seek. You wish to rid the surface of the darkspawn threat and so do I. You seek a way to stop the cycle of blights and so do I."

"You wish to destroy the darkspawn?" Eriana hissed at him.

The Architect shook his head. "I only wish to freedom from their bondage to the Old Gods, their compulsion to dig, to seek out, and to corrupt. I wish to silence the song of the Old Gods that is forever calling to us, enslaving us." The emissary turned and looked squarely at Eriana. "You know of what I speak; you were joined with us after Urthemiel rose. You heard her song; you have felt the pull, the sway she has over us, over you. I simply wanted to free my brethren from it; that is why I needed Grey Warden blood."

Eriana cringed, "That still doesn't give you the right to take our blood."

"And why not? You use our blood, do you not, to make you what you are. You use it to transform; I can use your blood to do the same for us. I have used Grey Warden blood to create a form of the joining for my kind. You take our taint, we take your resistance to the call of the Old Gods."

"But we are not immune to the call, eventually it does catch up to us," Keenan said, stepping up beside Eriana, his presence silently reminding her of the stories he told of the Architect.

"But your blood frees us. After we have taken your blood, we can speak, we can think for ourselves, but some of us have taken to this freedom poorly. They long for the song of the Old Gods again; they seek to destroy me as they seek to destroy you. The Mother has been twisted, she is angry at me for removing the song of the Old Gods and wishes to restore it. That is why she hates me so. I cannot defeat the mother alone; I need your help to do it. As you see, our goals are the same."

"You know nothing about my goals," Eriana hissed. "Our goals go beyond archdemons and blights. Even if we brought an end to the blights forever, the darkspawn will always remain a threat; your very presence, the taint in every one of you poses a danger to us."

The Architect seemed to laugh. "Help me free the mother, Commander, and I will leave to continue my work. I will take my brethren deep into the darkroads, and you will not hear from us again."

"Isn't the mother an example of your work? She an experiment of yours is she not?" The Architect nodded. "And I would wager the archdemon I just killed was another little experiment of yours too." Again, the creature nodded. "So why would I just let you go and continue your experiments when all your experiments have done is to destroy life on the surface. How can I in good faith allow you to continue this work?"

"Because my work can give you what you truly want," the Architect said with a smile. "For all your talk of blights and the taint, the end of my kind isn't truly what you desire."

"What makes you think you know what I desire?' Eriana stuttered, taking a step back and looking up at him.

"Because I know you, Commander," he said, leaning down to look her in the eye. "I have seen what you desire in the deep recesses of your mind, a world without the threat of darkspawn, a world where you aren't being torn between your duty and what you really want, a world where you will not be called back into the deeproads. I have seen that in your heart. I have seen the blonde-headed children you dream of when you enter the fade, a life where you are not forced to fight us any longer, and I can give you that."

Eriana felt the blood begin to drain from her face. "How dare you? Did you use blood magic on me to read my mind?"

"I did what I had to so that I may learn what I could about you. You do not want this taint that is flowing through your blood. Help me eliminate the mother and I can give you the life that you most desperately desire." The Architect stepped up to her and placed a taloned hand on her stomach. "I can give you a chance at the life that this taint has taken from you."

Eriana moved so quickly, the Architect didn't have time to react. Her daggers were embedded deep in the darkspawn's chest as a feral growl ripped through her throat. "I don't work with darkspawn, and you were a fool to think I would be so easily swayed with hollow words and empty promises," she hissed at him.

Magic flared up momentarily in the Architect's hands as the life began to flicker in his eyes. A spell washed over Eriana momentarily before it flickered and died out. The Architect glanced up at her, an almost amused look on his dying face. "Interesting," he whispered before he collapsed on the floor and was still.

Eriana closed her eyes, fighting back the swell of mixed emotions that were surging through her, anger at the Architect, disgust at the offer he presented, shame at hearing her deepest desires spelled out so clearly to her companions. She felt Anders' hand on her shoulder, drawing her to his side. "Are you alright," he whispered down to her. She nodded, giving him a weak smile. He gave her a quick kiss on the top of the head.

"Did anyone else find it a bit disturbing that that thing said interesting just before he died?" Anders said, turning back to the rest of the group.

"What?" Eriana said, glancing up, confused.

"Just before the Architect died, he looked at you and said 'Interesting.' Merely interesting, nothing else. I don't know, it was just…unsettling, the way he looked at you."

"Brendan, Anders, did either of you recognize the spell he cast just before he died?" Nathaniel asked, looking at the dead darkspawn.

"No," Brendan said, "but it didn't feel like an offensive spell; I was ready to dispel it, though."

"I probably should check you," Anders said, looking down at her, concern clear in his eyes.

Eriana shook her head, "We don't have time. The mother will likely sense the fact that the Architect is dead. We need to attack now." Anders started to protest. "Whatever it is, we will figure it out when all this is over. Right now, we take care of the mother."

Anders nodded reluctantly and stepped back to let her take the lead.

"So," Sigrun said, falling into step beside Eriana, "anyone want to give me odds on this Mother being anything other than a broodmother?" The Wardens all looked down at her and began to laugh. "A girl can dream, right? I mean, I'm really not looking forward to fighting one of those things up close; I'm just saying."

-0-

Eriana knew they were upon the Mother the instant the stepped into her chamber. "Ugh, what is that smell," Sigrun groaned stepping up beside her.

"That would be a broodmother," Eriana said, glancing down at the dwarf. "We're here. Alright, if this thing is anything like the other broodmothers I've fought, then we're in for a tough fight. She'll be calling darkspawn to defend her so keep an eye on your flank. We'll need to go in in pairs. Sigrun, stay close to Keenan and work together to take out as many of those tentacles as you can as quickly as possible. Brendan, you and I will be doing the same. Nathaniel and Anders, focus as much of your attack on her body as you can. It will be hard for us to get close enough to her at first, so you will need to take her down as quickly as possible." They all nodded in agreement.

Eriana peeked around the corner, trying to get a clear look at the creature. She always had mixed emotions when it came to boodmothers. Yes, she wanted to destroy them as quickly as possible, but there was always a touch of pity for them. After all, these creatures were once women – dwarves, elves, humans – women like her who had been twisted by the taint. She had often wondered just how much they remembered from their former lives, or if the taint had destroyed every part of them. And always in the back of her mind was the gnawing fear that she may one day become one of those things. They gave birth to darkspawn, but they hadn't always been darkspawn themselves. She couldn't count how many nights she had woken up to nightmares about fighting or becoming one of those creatures.

"Alright guys, let's go. Stay focused and we'll be fine," Eriana said. "Just be sure you keep a shield between you and those tentacles, got it?"

"That goes for you too, Commander," Brendan said his face serious. "Don't go running off without me." Eriana smiled and nodded, then motioned for everyone to follow her into the room.

It was of course a broodmother, but it was a broodmother unlike any Eriana had ever encountered before. Not only did she summon hordes of darkspawn to support her, but she was also able to talk, so she taunted the Wardens throughout the entire fight. "I think I liked these things better when they didn't talk," Eriana muttered up to Brendan as they fought off yet another wave of hurlocks that had just descended on them. It had been a long, slow fight, but they were slowing wearing the Mother down. The only problem was that the Wardens were beginning to grow weary as well.

Eriana and Brendan were standing back to back, working together to thin out the darkspawn numbers when a particularly agile genlock engaged Eriana. She moved quickly, spinning out of the dual daggers that it was wielding. Bringing her daggers across her body, she moved to attack the creature, but it was leapt back just out of reach. Without thinking, Eriana moved to chase it, leaving Brendan's side and leaving her flank exposed. After trading blows for some time with the darkspawn, Eriana was finally able to gain an advantage and put the creature down, embedding her daggers deep into the softer skin of its shoulders. As she pulled her daggers out of the corpse, the elf heard Brendan shouting in alarm.

Before she had a chance to turn and defend herself, a lone tentacle broke through the ground at her feet, sweeping around, it caught her squarely in the stomach. Hot, searing pain ripped through Eriana's abdomen, and it felt as though her insides were being ripped apart. The force of the tentacle's impact sent her careening across the room and into the solid rock wall behind her. Her neck snapped back when she hit the wall, slamming her head into the unforgiving rock. Around her, the sounds of the battle instantly dulled as her vision began to fade. The last thing the young elf remembered was the sound of someone screaming her name, and then she knew no more.

-0-

Eriana was confused the moment she woke up. She should be in a dank, darkspawn-filled cave, breathing in the foulness of the taint, but somehow she wasn't. Even before she opened her eyes, she knew things were different. Gone was the oppressive smell of the broodmother, gone was the pull of the taint, gone was the clash of swords and the groans of the darkspawn. In their stead, she found herself surrounded by the gentle sounds of a birds and flowing water and the warm feel of soft grass beneath her. Opening her eyes, she found that she was lying in the middle of a grassy clearing, and almost instantly, she realized where she was.

"I'm in the fade," she whispered to herself, sitting up and looking to the hazy, yellow sky.

"Yes, da'len, you are in the fade," a soft voice said from behind her.

Turning around, Eriana's breath caught when saw a familiar figure, a lithe elven woman with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. Though she had not seen this woman in years, she recognized her instantly; it was her mother. She was standing across the open clearing, her arms crossed casually across her stomach, looking down at Eriana with the same look she used to give her when she was just a child. A smile crossed the elven woman's face as she looked down at Eriana. Maker, she was just like Eriana had remembered, only her hair was different, light blond instead of the dark brown she had remembered playing with as a child. "Adaia?" Eriana whispered, her eyes never leaving the other elf. The elven woman smiled and nodded. "Oh, adaia," she whimpered, and scrambling to her feet, she dashed across the clearing and threw herself into the woman's arms. Burying her head into her mother's shoulder, the warden began to weep as the familiar feel and smell of her mother overwhelmed her.

Alissa Tabris wrapped her arms around her crying child, cradling her gently. "Shh, da'len, there's no need for tears," she whispered quietly, tilting her daughter's face up. "I have missed you desperately, child. I never wanted to leave you and would have given anything to spare you from the pain you have experienced because of me. I wanted to much to shield you from heartache; I just wish I could have been there for you." She patted Eriana's cheek gently, "It just wasn't meant to be. But I have been watching you, love, all this time, and words cannot express how proud I am of you."

"You have no idea how many times I have longed to hear you stay that," Eriana said as she looked up at her mother. "Oh, Adaia, I have missed you so much."

"I have missed you, too, my love. How I wish I could have been there for you, that I could have taken on some of your burden. We all have."

"We?"

Alissa nodded and turned to look to the clearing's edge. Eriana followed her gaze; there, on the other side of the meadow, stood her older brother Skylar and Nelaros, her betrothed. Leaving her mother's embrace, she ran to her older brother's waiting arms. Skylar lifted her up and spun her around like he used to when she was just a child. Smiling, he put her back down on the floor and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. "Well, I have to say, you've definitely turned out alright, little sister. Look at how you've grown. Warden Commander, Hero of Fereldan, who would have expected that from the little runt you were when I left Denerim?"

"Don't act so surprised, Sky," she said with a smile. "You always said I was too much to handle; I guess I found a way to put my excess energy to good use."

Skylar smiled and ruffled her hair. "I always knew you were something special, Ana; you didn't need to save the world to prove that to me." Eriana hugged him again, kissing him gently on the cheek before reluctantly releasing him and turning to Nelaros.

It was a bitter sweet feeling when the handsome elf took her in his arm. "Nelaros," she said, looking up into her husband's eyes, "I'm so sorry, if only I had been faster…"

Nelaros hushed her, placing a finger on her lips. "Eriana, you did all that you could. I wish I could have done more to protect you; I failed you when you needed me most."

"You didn't fail me, Nelaros; you saved me. If you hadn't come after me, Vaughn would have killed me, we both know it. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." She took his hands and looked up at him. "You are my hero; you stood up for me the way no one else ever had, even though you didn't even know me. I will never forget that, never for as long as I live."

Nelaros smiled and kissed her on the forehead. "I wish we had a chance to get to know each other, Eriana, but in the short time we had, I was proud to be your husband."

"And I was proud to be your wife." She kissed him again on the cheek before turning back to her mother, "I'm so happy to see you all, but I'm a bit confused. I don't quite understand; is this real? How did you all get here? I mean, you are all…" Eriana gasped as a sudden realization rushed over her; she felt the blood rush from her head. "Does this mean I'm dead? Is that why I'm here; why you all are here?"

Smiling, Alissa shook her head, kissing her daughter lightly on the head, "No, da'len. You are not dead; not yet at least. Your friends are working very hard to save your life, but it was a close thing."

"That still doesn't explain why I'm here. If I'm not dead…"

"We have been given a gift, da'len, a moment together to make up for all those moments we lost," her mother said, taking her daughter's face in her hands. "How I wish I could be there for you now." Her mother's eyes suddenly became very serious. "How I wish I could spare you from what is to come."

"Why? What do you mean?" Eriana said, looking up into her mother's worried face.

Around them, the meadow began to flicker and fade. "Our time is short, my Ana. Please remember this: there are many who love you – your father, your cousins, you friends in the Wardens. You will need their love more than ever in the coming months."

"Adaia, what do you mean; what is going to happen?"

"I'm afraid I can't tell you anything specific, and I wish I could spare you what is to come…" Alissa said, her voice beginning to fade. "It's okay to lean on those who love you, da'len; you don't have to face this on your own. You will need them now, darling, if you are going to survive what is to come. Be strong, my daughter, be strong for us."

"Face what? I don't understand. Don't leave me, mother, please, don't go," Eriana cried out, trying desperately to cling to her mother, but she found herself reaching into empty air. "No, don't leave me." Around her, the meadow began to fade until there was nothing there but empty darkness.

-0-

When Eriana woke up the next time, she was completely sure she wasn't in the fade. Her head was pounding so fiercely, it took everything she had not to slip back into unconsciousness. She felt the warmth of a healing spell as it washed over her. Tentatively, she opened her eyes to find both Nathaniel and Anders crouched protectively over her. Nathaniel had his daggers out, ready to cut down anything that came near while Anders knelt beside her head, his brow knit in concentration as he worked to heal her. Grimacing in pain, the young elf started to push herself up, but Anders' hands gently held her down.

"The Mother is dead," he whispered to her, reassuringly. "Sigrun delivered a final blow a few minutes ago. Keenan and Brendan are helping her take care of the last of the darkspawn. There's nothing you need to do, so just relax."

"My head."

"I know, honey, I know. You smacked it pretty hard back there," Anders said softly before downing a flask of lyrium. He positioned his hands on either side of her head. "You had some pretty serious head injuries."

"How long was I out?"

"About half an hour, maybe more," Anders gave her a sad smile. "It felt longer." It was clear that he was about to say something else, but he stopped himself. "You should get some more sleep, Ana. I've got you."

Eriana wanted to protest, but she was too tired, the pain was a bit too much. Closing her eyes, she allowed the warm comfort of Anders' healing spells to wash over her, lulling her to sleep. For the next few hours, she drifted in and out of consciousness. She didn't full wake up until much later. The pounding in her head was nearly gone, the once sharp, overwhelming pain replaced by a dull throb. Opening her eyes slowly, Eriana lifted her head looked around her, pleased to discover that she was outside in the open air and no longer in the Mother's lair.

"Hey, good to see those eyes open," Nathaniel said, coming to sit beside her.

"Thanks," she said, as she continued to glance around. Anders was sleeping a few feet away, his hands trembling, probably with the after effects of the lyrium. "Where is everyone else?"

"Sigrun is around here somewhere, keeping an eye out for any more darkspawn. Keenan and Brendan went to go get the horses and to try to find a wagon somewhere." Nathaniel pushed her hair back. "So how are you feeling?"

"My head hurts a bit," she said, sparing another glance toward Anders. "Nathaniel, how bad was it?"

Nathaniel sighed. "Honestly, when you hit the wall, I thought you were dead. I mean you hit . that wall hard, and the way your neck snapped, Ana, it's a wonder you didn't die instantly. If Anders hadn't gotten a lifeward on you before you hit…well, it's a good thing he's fast."

As Eriana glanced over at the sleeping mage, she remembered what her mother had told her in the fade. The discomfort obviously registered on her face because Nathaniel immediately asked her what was wrong.

"While I was knocked out … I don't know, the strangest thing happened." She glanced up at the rogue, "Nathaniel, what happens after we die?"

Nathaniel leaned back and sighed heavily. "I guess we return to the Maker; I mean, that's what the chant says, but who knows what that means." He glanced down at her, "Why do you ask, did something happen?"

"Yeah, while I was out, I saw … I saw my mother."

"You what?"

Eriana sighed and stared up at the bright blue sky. Slowly, she began to tell Nathaniel what had happened in the fade, about meeting her family. She paused when she got to the part about her mother's warning, unwilling to really consider the meaning of Alissa's words. "Do you think that it might have actually happened, or was it just something I dreamed up?"

"I don't know. I know you want it to be real, but…you said your mother looked just like she did when you were a kid."

"Everything except for her hair. Today when I saw her, her hair looked like mine. She was hiding from the Crows, so she kept it dark. I never even knew blonde was her natural color." Eriana tried to sit up, wincing as a sharp pain shot through her stomach.

The small crease appeared between Nathaniel's eyes as he looked down at her. "Are you still hurting?"

"I'm sure it's nothing, it's just a bit sore where that tentacle caught me." Wincing again, she reached down and rolled up the hem of her shirt and both she and Nathaniel gasped. A huge black bruise stretched across her entire stomach where the mother had caught her.

"Sweet Maker, Anders must have been so focused on your head, he must have forgot to check you," Nathaniel said, scrambling to his feet. "He needs to see this."

Eriana reached out and grabbed the rogue before he left. Looking over toward where Anders was sitting, she shook her head. "How many of those lyrium potions did he drink while he was trying to heal me?"

"I don't know, four or five."

"He doesn't need any more today; look at him, he already looks exhausted. Just let him rest. I'll be fine."

"But Ana, you could still be seriously injured."

Eriana shook her head. "Just let me have one of those health potions. If it keeps hurting, then I'll let him look at it, but until then, you can't say anything." Nathaniel gave her a stern look, but eventually relented and handed her the potion. The pain in her abdomen dulled a little as the warm fluid moved down her throat and into her stomach, but her mother's final words lingered in her ears. If it wasn't a dream, then, despite all that had happened to her so far, there was more yet to come. Something far worse was looming on the horizon; something that she was powerless to stop.

-0-

I'm not sure why this chapter took me so long to write. I struggled with it quite a bit for some reason, and I'm still not all that happy with it. But I'm sick of looking at it, and am ready to move on. Sorry for the longer than usual delay. Hopefully, I'll get back on a regular updating schedule.

As always, a special thanks to my regular readers and reviewers! I love and appreciate your support! Danyal, ykiel, and Judy, thanks a ton for the reviews!


	28. Chapter 28

_I should have explained this at the end of my last chapter, but I forgot. In my last story, I changed Eriana's back story a bit. Her mother was not a Dalish elf that met Duncan at one point; instead, I made her an escaped Antivan Crow who went by the name Alyssa. Adia just means mother to my elf, and she uses ada to refer to her father. Sorry for any confusion. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Let me know what you think. I've started working on a Hawke story that's been bouncing around in my head, but don't worry; I have no plans to let this one go just yet._

-0-

It wasn't difficult for the Wardens to find their way back to Vigil's Keep from Drake's Fall. The darkspawn had left a trail of blighted land and destruction that cut through the heart of the arling like deep, bleeding wound. All the Wardens had to do was follow it. Luckily, they didn't come across many dead civilians along the way. The darkspawn, it seemed, ad been so focused on making it to the keep that they didn't seek out additional victims, a small comfort for the battle-weary wardens. The travel was slow going at first; everyone was beaten and exhausted after killing a dragon, the Architect, and the Mother. Brendan hadn't been able to find any carts, so they were forced to ride on horseback. It was exhausting, but Eriana was unwilling to rest, even though she was more injured and tired than the rest. More than anything, she wanted to get back to the Vigil, but at the same time, she was terrified by what she might find there. Ever since she made the decision to save Amaranthine and leave the Wardens at the Keep to fend for themselves, she had been second-guessing herself to the point that she was desperate to get home, just to make sure everyone was alive and well. Looking at the destroyed land that surrounded them as they traveled only heightened her fears. The young elf could feel the watchful eyes of Anders and Nathaniel on her every time they stopped, watching to see if she was still in pain, looking for a reason to force her to stop and rest, so she set her face into an expressionless mask and refused to grimace even in the slightest as the searing pain shot through her abdomen every time she made a sudden movement. Whenever she could find a moment alone, she would down a health potion, hoping to heal the slowly fading bruise a bit faster and before Anders could see it. She was quiet sure he'd pitch a fit if he saw it..

Thanks to Eriana's frantic pace, they managed to make it back to the Vigil after only a day and a half of travel. As they topped the final ridge on their journey home, Eriana's breath caught as the walls of the keep came into view. To her great relief they were still standing, though it was clear the darkspawn had broken through in several places. Her heart sank, though, as she looked at the destruction surrounding her home. All around the keep, curling smoke rose from fires, creating an ominous haze throughout the air. Closing her eyes and clinging to Nathaniel's back as he continued to lead the horse toward the gates, Eriana reached out with her Warden senses, trying to detect tainted life of any kind in the keep. She released a breath that she hadn't realized she had been holding when she felt the presence of a large number of Wardens but no darkspawn.

Her relief was sort lived, however. A dour-looking Niko Amell was waiting to greet them as they entered the gate, and he wasn't alone.

"Soris," she cried, scrambling frantically off Nathaniel's horse, completely ignoring the searing pain that shot through her side as she hit the ground. Running across the courtyard, she threw herself into her cousin's arms, sobbing as relief washed over her. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, and Eriana couldn't help but wince when his arms squeezed the tender bruise. He obviously noticed her reaction because immediately, he pulled back and looked down at her.

"Are you okay?" he asked, a concerned look crossing his face as he inspected her, watching her face for any sign of pain.

Eriana nodded. "Just a bit sore from the ride, that's all; we pushed ourselves pretty hard to get back here as soon as possible. Oh, Sor, I'm just so happy to see you. I was so afraid that something had happened to you."

Nathaniel and Brendan joined them as Eriana buried her head in her cousin's chest. "It's good to see the Keep still standing. After what we faced in Amaranthine, I have to say, we were all a bit concerned. So, how did we fare, Niko," Brendan asked, glancing around the courtyard.

"I won't lie to you; it wasn't easy," Niko said, shaking his head. "They attacked us relentlessly for several days. As you can see, they managed to break through the walls in a few places. We were able to hold them back for the most part, but it was not without loss."

Eriana's head jerked up, the nauseating feel of guilt rushing through her. "What happened; who did we lose?"

"We lost a few from both groups, I'm afraid. Your dalish mage, Velanna I think her name was; she was standing beside the wall when a group of darkspawn managed to break through. A huge section of the wall collapsed on her." Soris's arms tightened around Eriana as Niko continued to talk. "We haven't found her body, but there's still a lot of rubble to sort through."

Eriana nodded. "Who else?" Niko sighed and glanced toward one of the fires. Eriana followed his gaze. There stood Garen and Cybele, staring ahead into the fire. The young thief held the dalish archer in his arms as she clung to him, her body shaking as she wept. "No, not Delain." Niko nodded. "How is her sister doing?"

"She's devastated," Niko said with a sigh. "So is Garen. They seem to be better today, though than they were initially. I don't think Cybele has ever been separated from her sister. I guess it's a good thing they have each other to help them through this; Garen is the only person who has been able to get her to talk since it happened." Niko gestured toward a crumbling section of the wall. "Delain was fighting on the battlements over there when an ogre charged the wall just beneath where she was standing. I guess it was weaker there than anyone realized because the entire wall began to shake when it hit. She lost her footing and fell over the side. By the time Petra or I got there, it was too late. Cybele was standing just a few feet away, too, and saw the whole thing. I think she blames herself for not being able to get to her fast enough."

"Dareth shiral, lethallan," Eriana whispered under her breath, looking toward the pyre. "Is that all?" Niko shook his head and glanced over her head to Soris. "Who, who was it?" Eriana's eyes darted around the courtyard, looking over the different groups of Wardens huddled together or working to clean the keep, and a sudden feeling of panic washed over her. Her knees buckled and Soris had to react quickly to catch her before she fell. "Where's Oghren?"

"He's going to be fine, cousin," Soris reassured her, gently stroking her hair. "You know how he is when he fights. He always has to be on the front line, right in the thick of things. When the last wave hit us, he was overwhelmed; we found him after the battle. Petra's been working on him ever since. He's not awake yet, but we expect him to be soon."

Eriana breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank the ancestors. But wait, if it's not Oghren, then who…"

"Varel," Soris answered sadly.

"Varel, how did Varel get into the fighting; he was supposed to be recovering," she stuttered, fresh tears filling her eyes.

"He and I were inside with the serving staff, and a hand full of darkspawn broke in. I tried to beat them back by myself, you know, protect the women and children until reinforcements came, but they were too much. As I was about to be overrun, Varel came charging out, sword in hand. Together we were able to hold them back until some of the guardsmen showed up. By then, though, it was too late for Varel. He died a hero, cousin."

Eriana nodded, but found it very difficult to say anything. Of course Varel died a hero; he lived his entire life as a hero, how could he be anything less in death. He had saved her life and had saved her cousin's life; she owed him a debt she could never hope to repay. Now, she would never have the chance because she hadn't been there to return the favor.

Taking a deep breath, the exhausted elf stepped out of her cousin's arms. "Nathaniel, could you see to…I need to go see Oghren, do you think you could…"

"I've got it under control, Ana," Nathaniel assured her. "You go do what you need to do." Eriana thanked him and disappeared into the keep.

-0-

Oghren slowly opened his eyes, wincing slightly as they adjusted to the late afternoon light coming in through the window in his chambers. That was one of the few things he missed about Orzammar, stone sense didn't have to blind you tell you the sodding time. He quickly realized that his eyes weren't the only things that hurt, his whole body felt like he had been trampled by a sodding bronto. He shifted slightly; no, it felt like a whole herd of brontos had run him over. As he slowly came around, the dwarf became aware of two rather important things. One, for some reason, he wasn't drunk anymore, and two, he wasn't in possession of his right hand.

"Maker, I must have been out a while if I have had time to sober up," he thought. Then he looked down, and it became perfectly clear why he couldn't move his hand. Eriana was sitting at this bedside, fast asleep with a death-grip on his hand. She had fallen asleep in a chair with her head resting on the edge of her bed. Oghren reached down with his free hand and brushed her hair off her face. Sleeping like that, the poor girl looked so pale, so fragile, like more of a child than a warrior.

Oghren's attentions must have woken her because her blonde head jerked up. Her eyes fluttered for a moment before she looked up at him, relief washing over her features.

"Hey there kiddo," he said, smiling down at her. "I guess the fact that you're just sitting here with nothing better to do means that we won then, right?"

"Yeah, we did," she answered, wearily. "And apparently, you're a big hero here now. The guards who survived the attack say you fell a thousand darkspawn single-handedly before they managed to take you down," she added with a tired laugh; then her eyes grew sad. Oghren knew that look all too well. "I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you Oghren. When we got back and heard what happened…I shouldn't have left you behind, Oghren; I should have…" She couldn't finish her thought; instead, she just put her head down, hiding the tears that were creeping into her eyes.

"Hey, hey, hey, none of that, now, kiddo. I'm fine. You were right where you needed to be. You saved innocents from darkspawn, right?" Eriana nodded without raising her head. "Then you did your duty. Never doubt that. There were plenty of us here to take care of that army; you six wouldn't have made much of a difference one way or another."

"But I almost lost you, Oghren, and I don't think I could bear to lose another friend, not so soon." The elf dissolved into a mess of tears, unable to even bring her eyes up to look at him.

"There, there, Kid, ole Oghren can take care of himself. You of all people should know that well enough by now. Besides, it takes more than a few darkspawn to take me out." He reached down and lifted her face, taking a moment to examine her closely. His eyes narrowed as he looked at her appraisingly. "Now how long have you been sitting here, keeping a vigil over my sleeping ass?"

Eriana glanced at the window. "About a day and a half, I guess. You were out for two full days before we got back."

"Eriana hasn't left her side," said a familiar husky voice, and Oghren turned to see Nathaniel enter with a tray of food. "Here's something for you to eat, Oghren. I brought this up for Ana, but now that you're awake, I may actually be able to convince her to go get something and maybe get some sleep."

"How long has it been," Oghren asked, "since you had any sleep?"

"Um, ten minutes, you just saw me," Eriana pointed out, a weak smile on her face.

"He he, I don't mean that. I mean real sleep."

"Five or six days at my count," Nathaniel answered, and Eriana shot him a dirty look in response. "It's true. The night we spent in the Chantry was the last time you got more than a few hours of sleep. And being knocked out doesn't count. Warden stamina or not, you're dead on your feet."

"Traitor," she muttered up at Nathaniel before turning back to Oghren. "Then it's a good thing I'm sitting down, then, isn't it?"

Oghren chuckled and immediately regretted it as a fresh wave of pain shot through him. "Get some sleep kiddo; I'll still be here when you wake up." Oghren patted her gently on the arm, looking down at his young friend with concern. He had seen her at her best and her worst during their time together, but he had never seen her look so drained. She looked more alive when she was unconscious following her fight with the archdemon. It seemed all the stress of command and her personal life was starting to catch up with her. Sodding Antivan, she needed him now more than ever if she was going to pull through this unscathed. He had half a mind to go to Antiva himself and drag his skinny ass back.

"You're right," she said wearily. "I just wanted to be here when you woke up. I don't think I would have been able to rest until I knew for sure that you were going to be okay."

"I'm fine," Oghren reassured her. "Though I can't say how I'll be when Felsi finds out what almost happened to me."

Eriana chuckled, "Yeah, I don't think I would want to be the one to deliver her that news. Pregnant women can be so unreasonable."

"That's the truth. Now, go, get some rest, Ana; you need it." Eriana leaned over and kissed the dwarf gently on the forehead. "Come come now, don't get all mushy on me now, you'll ruin my reputation," Oghren growled patting her arm.

Eriana chuckled and started to get to her feet, but as stood up, she seemed to wince in pain, her hand going instantly to her abdomen. She paused for a second, holding her stomach, her eyes closed in pain before she started walking gingerly toward the door. Nathaniel, who was busy getting Oghren's meal set up didn't seem to notice. The elf was almost to the door when she doubled over, crying out in pain before collapsing into a heap on the floor. Nathaniel shouted her name and was at her side in a heartbeat, the tray of food clattering noisily to the floor. Oghren threw back the sheets and struggled to get out of the bed, but the pain shooting through him was almost debilitating.

"Don't you move," Nathaniel ordered back at him, without looking up from Eriana, and Oghren was forced to comply.

"Is she okay?" Oghren asked, desperately trying to see what was going on, feeling completely helpless.

"I'm not sure; stay here. I'm getting Anders," Nathaniel said as he disappeared out of the door. Oghern's eyes never left the crumpled figure on the floor in front of him as he willed Nathaniel to return quickly with the mage. He watched as her back moved ever so slightly with each shallow breath she drew, her sickly pallor chilling him to the core. His mind racing as the, minutes ticked by slowly, and he began to pray to the ancestors, to the creators, to the Maker himself. Was she exhausted; had she been poisoned; had she caught some strange illness? He was extremely relieved when Nathaniel reappeared, with Sigrun and Anders in tow. Anders' hands flared up instantly as he rushed to her side, the air humming with the energy of his magic.

"Anders," Sigrun whispered, panic evident in her voice, "look; she's bleeding really bad." Oghren looked in the direction the dwarf was pointing and gasped. Her legs and the floor beneath her were bright red with her blood.

Anders closed his eyes and cast a quick spell, his hands hovering over her midsection. "Oh, sweet Maker, no," he whispered, his eyes open wide. "We need to get her in bed immediately. Sigrun, see if you can find Petra and try to find out if any of the servants has experience as a midwife." Every head in the room turned suddenly toward Anders, shocked expressions on every face.

"A midwife?" Nathaniel demanded.

Anders nodded grimly, "She's pregnant."

-0-

The entire room was silent as the gravity of Anders's words began to sink in. "Oh, no," Nathaniel muttered, his entire countenance paling, "quick, Anders, check her stomach."

"Her stomach?" Anders looked a bit confused but reached down and rolled up the hem of her tunic, revealing the large, ugly purple bruise that still covered most of her abdomen.

"By the stone," Sigrun muttered, a hand over her mouth.

Anders' face grew red as he glared up at Nathaniel. "How did this happen?"

"The Mother, when that thing caught her…"

"Wait, she's had this for five days, and you didn't think to tell me? Nathaniel, what were you thinking?" Anders shouted.

"It didn't seem to bother her on the trip home, so I thought she was alright. If I had known…"

"What will this mean for the baby?" Sigrun asked, her eyes wide. "Look where it is. I mean an injury like that can't be good for it."

Anders' brow was furrowed as his glowing hands moved over the unconscious elf. "I don't know. The baby's alive…for now at least, but it's weak and getting weaker as we speak." The mage shook his head, "We've got to act fast. Nathaniel, get her to her room. Carefully, now, don't jar her if you can help it. Sigrun, go find Petra, fast."

Everyone moved at once. Sigrun was gone before Anders even finished talking. Nathaniel knelt down beside Eriana and gently lifted her, cradling her close to his body. "I should have said something the moment she showed me that bruise," he thought to himself as he looked down at the unconscious elf in his arms, fighting back the feelings of guilt that were raging through him.

It took only a few moments for them to reach Eriana's room, but in those moments, the color of her face seemed to drain and her skin took on a deathly pale shade. Her cheek felt cold against his shoulder, and Nathaniel picked up the pace, urging Anders to hurry. How could they have been so blind; how did they miss this? Once they were in her room, Nathaniel set her gently on the bed. He was about to get up when Eriana's small hand grabbed his arm, her grip surprisingly strong considering how much blood she was losing. "What happened, Nate?" she whispered, struggling to open her eyes. Nathaniel sighed and sat down beside her, stroking her hand as he gently told her what Anders had discovered. Her eyes widened in panic as her hands traveled down to her abdomen. "The baby, is it…"

"Anders said it's still alive. He's doing what he can to save both of you.

She nodded, burying her head in her hands. "Don't leave me; please don't leave me." Nathaniel nodded and perched on the edge of the bed, gently stroking her hair as Anders continued to work.

Sigrun returned quickly with Petra and an old serving woman. Soris ducked into the room behind them, wringing his hands nervously as he looked at his cousin. "This is Lilith," she said, motioning to the woman. "She has experience as a midwife."

Lilith immediately began examining Eriana, her wrinkled hands moving over the elf's stomach as she began to question her. "How long has it been since the last time you bled?" she asked without looking up.

"Um, I don't know, three maybe four months. It could be longer."

The woman nodded, sitting back for a moment and looking around the room. "And the father," she said glancing at Nathaniel who was on one side of her, holding her hand, then at Anders who was hovering protectively on the other side, his hand on her other shoulder, "was the father human?"

"No, he was…is an elf," Eriana said, chewing on her bottom lip, and Nathaniel could tell she was biting back tears.

"Well, from what I can tell, you are about five months along."

"Five months? Look at her; there's no way she's five months pregnant," Nathaniel said, glancing down at her flat stomach.

"Elven women do not grow as much as human women. Many times, you cannot even tell that they are pregnant until the final month, especially if the mother has been under nourished, as I suspect this one has."

"Did you say five months," Eriana whispered, her voice dull and lifeless. Lilith nodded. "But for elves, full term is…"

"Seven months, I know dear, but I'm afraid you won't make it that long. Your water broke; the baby is coming now."

"Now, but you just said it was two months until it was time for the baby to come. It's too early." Eriana's eyes were wide as she looked from the midwife to the mages. "Anders, Petra, can't you do something to stop it? They're mages, can't they help?"

"I'm sorry child, once the water has broken, there's no way of going back. It looks as though you've had some trauma to your abdomen and that's what caused the water to break. If they had caught it when it happened, perhaps they could have prevented it. But as it stands now, there's nothing we can do but deliver the baby."

Eriana's breaths were coming in deep gasps, "But can a baby even survive this early? Can it?"

Lilith sighed, "It's been known to happen, but the chances aren't good. I'm sorry." The woman gave her a gentle pat before getting up and moving to the base of the bed. "Now, we have to begin preparations."

As Lilith began directing the mages and servants on how to prepare for the birth, Eriana lay there, staring up at the ceiling, holding tightly to Nathaniel's hand. "What have I done, Nathaniel, what have I done?"

-0-

An hour or so later, Eriana began to experience genuine labor pains, and Lilith ordered everyone who wasn't a mage out of the room. Nathaniel started to get up to follow the midwife's instructions, but Eriana grabbed his arm. Looking up at the old woman, the frightened elf pleaded, "Please, I need him…I can't…please don't send him out. And Soris, can't he stay, please."

The midwife sighed, "Okay, but only them, and you two must do whatever I tell you. If I don't tell you to do anything, then stay out of the way, understood?" The two men nodded. "Good. Now you," she said pointing toward Nathaniel, "sit behind her so she can lean back against you, and hold her hands."

Nathaniel complied, moving behind the elf and taking her hands. "I'm here for you, Ana. I'm not going to leave you," he whispered in her ear. "You are going to be fine, sweeting. I'm not letting anything happen to you."

Eriana nodded, but didn't say anything. Instead she clamped down on his hands as a contraction surged through her. Nathaniel tried not to grimace as he held tightly to his hands; instead, he continued to whisper encouraging words into her ear, vaguely aware of the others as they moved around the room.

It took nearly another hour before her body seemed to make any progress. It was the longest hour of Nathaniel's life as he watched the woman in his arms fight against her own body. In between bouts of pain, she would lean back against his chest, utterly exhausted. Nathaniel would push the hair off her face and could feel her skin burning beneath his fingers. Then her breathing would quicken and another wave of pain would wash over her. Soris was sitting beside them, sponging her off with a wet towel, trying to keep her cool. "Anders," Nathaniel said, glancing up at the mage when Eriana collapsed against him after a particularly harsh contraction, "she's burning alive. This can't be good for her; can't you speed things up?"

"I know, but there's nothing we can do to move it along. Once her body is ready…"

Just then, Eriana gave a little cry, and the baby slid out into Lilith's waiting arms. Immediately, everyone in the room strung into action as Eriana fell limply back against his chest. Anders rushed forward and took the baby and moved to the side so that he could begin to work to try to save it. Petra and Lilith were tending to Eriana, working to control her bleeding.

"Nathaniel, what's wrong; why don't I hear anything? Can you see it?" Eriana whispered, trying desperately to lift her head off Nathaniel's chest so she could look around.

Nathaniel glanced over to where the mage was working. Maker, the baby was small; he wouldn't be surprised if he could hold the tiny thing in one hand. It was covered in black and blue bruises, probably from the blows Eriana sustained during her fight against the Mother and the Architect. "Anders is working very hard to save her, Ana."

"Her?" she asked, her voice shaking as she looked over at the mage. "It's a girl?" Nathaniel nodded. "He's healing her, though, right; he's going to be able to save her, isn't he?"

Nathaniel glanced down at Petra who was looking up momentarily from her work. Giving a small sigh, the mage shook her head as she glanced toward the baby. "I don't know, Ana; he's doing all he can."

Seconds ticked by like hours as the women continued to clean and heal Eriana, but she didn't seem to notice any of the attention she was receiving. Her eyes never left Anders' back as he worked fervently to save her daughter. After what seemed like an eternity, Anders turned around, cradling a tiny bundle in his hands. "I'm sorry, Eriana. I've done what I can, but…her little body is just so small, and her lungs just aren't strong enough. She just isn't getting enough oxygen."

A sob racked through her. "But you can fix it, can't you? I mean you can fix anything. Please Anders fix her."

Anders closed his eyes tight and shook his head, a tortured look on his face. "I'm sorry," he whimpered, choking back tears, "but I can't make her lungs grow. I've done everything I can, but I'm afraid she is just not strong enough."

Eriana held out her arms. "Can I see her, please?" Anders nodded and placed the child in her mother's trembling arms. Nathaniel watched as Eriana drew back the blankets and looked down at her daughter, her nimble fingers lightly tracing the infant's long, delicate ears, running her hand over the baby's soft blond hair before it came to rest on the child's chest that was convulsing violently with each desperate breath the baby took. Nathaniel was grateful that Anders was able to clean the baby up, to at least heal the ugly bruises that covered her moments ago. That was the last thing Eriana needed to see just now. The room was completely silent save for the sounds of the child's spasmodic breaths and her mother's heart-breaking sobs.

Nathaniel glanced back over at Anders. The mage was standing with his back to the bed, his hands white-knuckled as they tightly gripped the sides of the table. Every time Eriana's sobs filled the room, his back would clinch as if he was being stabbed between the shoulders blades.

A desperate cry drew his attention back to the mother and child in his arms. The babe's breaths were coming more slowly now and were becoming more and more shallow until they stopped altogether, and the baby was still. Eriana bowed her head as her entire body trembled with her sobs, and all Nathaniel could do was to hold her, to cradle her against his chest as she cradled the unmoving child to her chest. From the corner of the room, Nathaniel could hear Soris softly crying as he sank to the floor, holding his head in his hands.

"Asala, my heart, my soul, I am so sorry, Asala, my Asala," Eriana murmured as she wept into the tiny bundle in her arms. "I'm sorry; I'm so sorry."

Nathaniel pressed his lips to the top of her head, unsure of what to say, if there was anything he could say that might bring her any comfort.

"Makers' breath, she's bleeding out." Petra's shout broke the heavy silence in the room, and in an instant, Nathaniel found himself being pushed from the room, Eriana's dead baby in his arms, as the midwife and mages rushed to Eriana's aid. Her new bed sheets were quickly turning a bright red as the elf's skin began to grow deathly pale. The last thing he heard before the door was shut behind him was her feeble voice cry out, "Zevran."


	29. Chapter 29

Time had ceased to make sense to Nathaniel. There was no way of knowing whether he had been pacing in front of the door to Eriana's room for twenty minutes or twenty hours. Everything seemed to blur together into one blob of indistinguishable time. Whenever he would stop walking or close his eyes, the memory of Eriana lying there, looking so deathly pale as he and Soris were being ushered from the room, would flash across his mind's eye, so he continued to pace, hoping to block the images as much as possible. He hadn't spoken to anyone since he left her bedside, yet somehow, before Nathaniel had a chance to say anything to anyone, everyone seemed to hear the news of Eriana's loss. First Sigrun and Niko appeared from Oghren's room and joined the vigil. Then they were joined by Keenan and Garevel, who had just returned from Amaranthine. Others passed through to check on her, but there was no news to pass along as the door to her room remained tightly shut.

Soris was sitting directly across from her room, resting against the wall as he looked down at the baby in his lap. "She looks like Zevran," he whispered, breaking the long and tense silence of the room. The red-headed elf cocked his head and looked down at his tiny cousin. "She has his ears," he said sadly as he lightly traced the outline of her face as if he was trying to memorize it, "and his cheeks." Sigrun sat down beside him, placing a comforting hand on his arm as he continued to stare into the tiny bundle.

"Then he must have been a handsome man because she is a beautiful child," Sigrun told him, placing a light hand on his arm, trying to comfort him. Soris nodded and continued to stroke the child's head as tears rolled unabated down his face.

"She was a beautiful child," he whispered.

Nathaniel stopped his pacing for a moment and glanced down at the baby, looking at her for the first time since the tiny child stopped breathing. He had never met Zevran before, so all he saw when he looked at the baby was Eriana, her soft delicate features, her blonde hair and lithe limbs. The child was her mother in miniature. The image of Eriana in a similar state, still, cold, unmoving chilled the rogue to the core, and Nathaniel prayed that Eriana wasn't in as precarious a state as her daughter was. He remembered how one of his aunts had died during childbirth because the midwives couldn't get the bleeding to stop; but he reminded himself that they didn't have the benefit of Grey Warden stamina or the aid of two healing mages. "Eriana is strong," he reassured himself as he looked down at the baby again. "She'll pull through this." And in his deepest heart, he hoped that it was the truth.

With nothing better to do, Nathaniel began pacing again as another incomprehensible amount of time passed. After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened, and Anders stepped out. There was a heavy silence through the hall as everyone turned toward Anders, waiting for the mage to deliver the news.

"She'll be fine," he said softly as he closed the door behind him. "She's asleep now, but we managed to get the bleeding under control." The mage sighed and ran a hand back through his hair as everyone in the hall gave a collective sigh of relief. A sob escaped from Soris's throat as he cradled his cousin's baby to his chest.

"Will she…I mean is she whole? Will she be okay?" Soris desperately asked without looking up.

Anders nodded; he glanced at the elf but was very careful not to let his gaze travel down to the bundle in the man's arms. "She should make a full recovery. She will likely be weak for a while, but given time, she will be back to normal."

"Can I go see her?"

"I think that would be fine. The women were cleaning her up when I left, but it should be alright for you to go in by now." Soris scrambled to his feet and darted in the room, taking the baby with him. Anders turned and watched as he disappeared into the room before he let his mask drop. The poor man looked terrible, pain and guilt clearly marking his features. Resting his forehead against the wall, Anders began to cry, his entire body shaking as the pounded his fist against the wall above his head.

"How? How in the name of the Maker and Andraste did I miss this?" He turned and looked at Nathaniel. "I mean, I've thought something might be wrong with her for weeks, for months, and yet I missed this. It's all my fault. What kind of healer am I? She will never forgive me for this, never."

"Anders," Nathaniel said, putting a hand on the mage's arm. "We all knew something was going on. I even asked her if this was a possibility. She seemed pretty certain that she wasn't pregnant, so I dropped it. This isn't your fault."

"Isn't it? It's my job as a healer to make sure those under my care are healthy. Look around, Nathaniel; I think it's safe to say that I failed at that miserably. She could have died Nate; she could have died!" he shouted. "And it would have been my fault. One simple spell, and this could have all been prevented. Why didn't I trust my instincts?"

Nathaniel shook his head. "If I recall, she told you she didn't want you to check on her on a number of occasions, in fact, every time you offered, am I right?" Anders nodded. "And you respected her enough to obey her wishes."

"Well, look where that got us. Sometimes healers have to do what is necessary to treat their patients whether they like it or not, but I didn't. What kind of a healer am I that it took me three months to notice a woman that I was healing regularly was pregnant?"

"I was going to ask you the same question," a bitter voice bit from the doorway. The Wardens turned around to find Petra standing there, her hands on her hips, glaring daggers at Anders. The blonde mage cowered like a beaten puppy under her gaze. "So explain it to me Anders because I need to understand. Anyone with eyes could have seen that something was wrong with her; I saw it the moment I walked through those gates. So, tell me; how did you, her healer, fail to notice what was plainly obvious?"

"Hey," Nathaniel said, jumping to Anders' defense. "You've been here for a week, and you didn't notice it either, so don't lay the blame at his feet."

"I wasn't the one who was with her for three months," she shouted, never looking away from Anders. "What, were you too lazy to do the spell or too dumb to think to do it?"

Nathaniel began to protest, but Anders stopped him. "No, she's right. This is all my fault. I should have caught it."

"So why didn't you check? Did you ever try to figure out why she was so sick?"

"Of course I did, but every time I asked, she refused my help. What was I supposed to do; perform the spell without her consent? I would never betray her trust like that."

"Yes because that's what a healer does." She threw her hands up in the air as she closed the distance between them. "I suppose it's a good thing you see yourself as a loyal friend because you sure are one rotten healer. Maybe if you weren't trying to get on her good side so you could worm your way into her bed you would have done your job and saved her child." Everyone in the hall took in a collective gasp as Petra spat the last sentence at Anders. "And don't even try to deny it. I remember your reputation from the tower. You would do anything to get under a woman's robes. Well, I hope you're satisfied; I'd be surprised if she ever looked at you again after this. It's not like this is something she likely to forget."

"Petra!" Niko shouted, stepping up to her and pulling her away. "Calm down. He was just doing what he thought was best; don't be so hard on him."

"Don't you tell me to calm down Niko Amell; his negligence almost cost us the women to whom we owe our lives a dozen times over."

"I know, I know," Anders shouted with a sob. "I screwed up; you don't have to rub it in my face. I feel bad enough as it is. I know what I cost her. Do you have any idea how much that hurts? All I could think as I tried to heal that baby was, 'She's going to hate me. The woman I owe everything to is going to hate me.' I killed that baby Petra, as sure as if I poisoned it. I would give anything to go back and fix it, but I can't. I just…" He paused for a moment, fighting back tears. "I'm sorry; I just can't…" And without another word, the mage took off down the hallway disappearing into the dark corridors.

"Damn it, Petra." Nathaniel said, turning on the mage. "Was that really necessary?"

"It's his fault," the mage protested.

"And do you think that woman in there is going to let anyone but herself take the blame for this? Maker, you know how she is; she will take all the responsibility on herself, even more so if someone she cares about tries to say it was their fault." Shaking his head, he turned to Sigrun. "Find him, please, before he gets too far." The elf nodded and took off after the mage. "Do you realize that he is one of the few things that has been holding her together since Zevran disappeared?" he said, turning back to Petra. "She will be devastated if she wakes up to find that he was gone."

"Look, he screwed up."

"And he knows it, too. Didn't you see how upset he was? You should have heard him out here before you came out; he was already berating himself enough before you came and added to his guilt. Maybe if you had taken a moment to open your eyes and look at the situation, you would have thought twice before biting his head off. We all screwed this one up. Did Anders make a mistake not checking her for this; yes, definitely. Did Eriana ignore her symptoms; yes, she did, and she's not likely to forgive herself for that any time soon. If she wakes up to find that Anders is gone because he feels guilty, she'll likely feel responsible for that as well since she blocked him every time he tried to help her."

Petra sighed and looked down the hall where Anders had fled. "So you think he does really care about her, don't you?" Nathaniel nodded. "So this wasn't just about getting laid?"

"No, I don't think so."

"I guess I should apologize then," she said after a long silence.

"Too late," Sigrun said, materializing from the shadows right in front of them. "I went to his room, and his pack was gone. I think he's gone, like, for real gone."

Cursing under his breath, Nathaniel tried to reign in his thoughts. "We need to spread out and find him now. He's got plenty of experience escaping from places, so the longer we wait, the greater the chances we won't find him." The Wardens nodded, and everyone took off in opposite directions. Nathaniel immediately ran down to the stables to make sure he hadn't taken one of the horses. When he found no evidence that the mage had come through there, he doubled back and searched the forest around the keep, looking for some kind of a track to follow. He continued to scour the tree line until it was too dark to see, but there was no sign of the mage. With a defeated sigh, Nathaniel made his way back up to Eriana's room.

Soris was waiting on him just outside the door. "There you are! Where have you all been?" he hissed, closing the door behind him. "She just woke up, and she's asking for Anders." The elf glanced around. "Where is he anyway? Where were you?"

"He's disappeared; we've been out trying to find him."

"Disappeared, what do you mean disappeared?"

"I mean, he's gone, run off, that kind of disappeared. When he ran off, Sigrun went looking for him and found that his pack was gone along with staff and several of his other belongings. We couldn't find that cat of his anywhere either."

"You have got to be freaking kidding me," Soris said with a disgusted curse. "This is the absolute last thing she needs right now. Do you know what this will do to her? It isn't enough that Zevran left her, but now this!" He growled as he shook his head. "How on earth am I going to explain this to her?"

"I'll do it," Nathaniel said. "I'm sure you could go for some rest."

The elf nodded wearily. "First, though, I need to write to Uncle Cyrion and make some arrangements for..."

"We can take care of that; you look like you're about to fall over." Soris started to protest. "You're no good to her like this. Sigrun, make sure he gets some rest." The dwarf nodded and took the weary elf by the arm and led him into his room. Nathaniel watched them for a moment, then took a deep breath and pushed the door open. Eriana was barely sitting on the bed, propped up on a mound of pillows as she looked into the basket that was nestled into the bed beside her. She glanced up when the rogue came in, and Nathaniel noticed the lack of life in her eyes. Her disappointment was clear on her face once she realized that he had entered without the mage.

"Anders?" she whispered, her eyes dropping back to the basket beside her.

"We're looking for him, Ana, but we're not sure where he is."

"Looking for him? So he's gone," she said listlessly.

Nathaniel nodded, "It's not what you think; he and Petra…"

Eriana waved him off with a weary hand. "Of course he's gone. Why should he be any different?" She rolled over, turning her back on Nathaniel and the baby and pulling her knees up to her chest as she stared blankly out into the dark night.

"Ana," Nathaniel said, sitting down on the bed beside her and reaching out to stroke her hair. She didn't turn to him, but flinched as soon as he touched her, drawing her legs closer. "Look, he got into an argument with Petra, and he was so upset about what happened." No response. Nathaniel got up and knelt on the ground in front of her. "We'll find him, Ana; he can't have gone far." Still no response.

Nathaniel spent the next half an hour trying to coax some kind of response out of her, but it was like she couldn't even hear or see him. "Okay, Ana, I know you need some rest. Just know I'm here if you need me." Only when knelt down to kiss her forehead did he get any type of response. Once again, she flinched away from any physical contact. With a defeated sigh, Nathaniel stood up, pulled the blankets up around her, and moved back into the hallway.

"Did you find him?" he asked the assembled Wardens once the door was shut behind him. Everyone shook their heads.

"How is she, Nathaniel," Sigrun asked.

"Completely unresponsive, she won't look at me; she won't talk; she won't move. Guys, I have no idea to do about this. I'm afraid she may be broken beyond fixing this time."

"Soris is going to send for her father; maybe he will be able to…"

"No," a gruff voice said from behind them.

"Oghren!" Petra exclaimed. "What are you doing out of bed? You need your rest."

"Stuff it, Mage, I'll get back in bed in a minute, but I know her better than any of you, so you'd be wise to listen to me," the dwarf said as he leaned against the doorframe. "She needs her father, that much is true, but he isn't the one who is going to fix her."

"Well, I can't exactly hop a boat to Antiva and drag that sodding elf back kicking and screaming," Nathaniel pointed out.

Oghren shook his head. "I wasn't talking about him, though seeing that nug humper would do her a load of good. I was talking about the pike twirler."

"Excuse me," Nathaniel said, "the what?"

"Alistair."

"The King? You want to summon the king?"

"Yes the King. She and Alistair have been through a lot together; stuff that has made them closer than siblings in many ways. If anyone can pull her through this, it's him."

"Do you think he'd come?" Nathaniel asked. "I mean, didn't he just get back from a long trip around the country."

"Just tell him what happened, and believe me, he'll be here."

Nathaniel sighed, "I guess it's as good a plan as any. I'll send a messenger to Denerim immediately." He hoped the dwarf was right because he had no idea what he could to help her.

-0-

Alistair was relieved to finally be back in Denerim. His three-month tour of Fereldan had worn him out, so he was glad to be home, even if that home included Anora. It wasn't that traveling had been all that difficult. In fact, compared to the traveling they had done during the Blight, this trip had been downright luxurious. No more sleeping on a thin bed roll for him; no, now that he was the King, he had an actual bed with a real mattress in a huge tent that someone else set up for him. And that was only on the rare occasion that they stopped between villages to set up camp. Usually, they stayed in the estates of the Banns and minor lords they visited along the way. Everyone had been eager to host the new King and that added up to a feast nearly every other night. Were it not for his Warden metabolism, Alistair was rather sure he wouldn't have fit atop his horse by the end of the journey. He had enjoyed the trip but was very ready to fall back into the routine of a normal life, well as normal a life as the king had, and that usually involved dinner parties, meetings with the nobility, and long hours spent with his advisors pouring over matters of state. There were times it was relaxing, but he would be lying to himself if he denied the fact that there were times he longed for the darkspawn again.

Alistair had spent a greater part of the morning sparring with a few members of his personal guard. Anora and Eamon both frowned on this practice, believing that he spent far too much time working on his swordsmanship and not enough on affairs of state, but Alistair asserted himself on this one detail. He was a warrior king; they had known that when he took the throne. Training and fighting was part of his life, and he wasn't going to give it up just because they thrust a crown on his head. Besides, his daily workouts burned off the copious amounts of food that was now being thrust at him.

That morning's workout had been grueling, but in a satisfying way. His guard had finally become comfortable truly laying into him while they were fighting. It had taken Alistair months to convince them that it was okay to hit him, reminding him that he was a templar and a Grey Warden and wouldn't break under the force of their blows, yet they would always pull their hits just before they landed. It wasn't until a group of ill-advised highwaymen attacked his caravan a week before they reached Denerim that his guard realized just how strong the King really was. Alistair had been riding out in front, talking to Brendan when the bandits surrounded the group. His personal guard rushed to his side, only to find that Alistair and Brendan had dispatched most of the attackers in a matter of moments. Watching the King wield his sword and shield with such strength and expert precision must have convinced them that he was capable of handling a few hits while sparring because since then, their practice sessions had been satisfyingly intense.

Moving into his privy chambers, Alistair stripped off his sparring armor, looking longingly for a moment at his Warden Commander armor that was still hanging on the armor rack. "I really should send that up to Amaranthine for Brendan," he thought to himself. "I doubt I'll ever have need of it again." But, he simply couldn't bring himself to part with it. Eriana had found it for him and had insisted he wear it. It was one of the few things he still had that connected him to the Grey Wardens, so he was reluctant to part with it. Shaking his head, he stepped out of the rest of his clothing and slipped into the steaming bath that had been prepared for him. His muscles relaxed, comforted by the warm embrace of the water, and he closed his eyes and rested against the smooth, tiled tub edge. The door to his wash room opened and someone quietly entered. He wasn't alarmed; the guards posted outside wouldn't allow anyone who wasn't supposed to be there to enter. Assuming it was Kadin, his personal servant, or one of his chamber men, Alistair kept his eyes closed as he continued to enjoy his bath. It wasn't until Anora cleared her throat that he even realized she was in the room.

"Husband," she said softly as she moved over to the side of the tub.

"Anora," Alistair said, his brows furrowed, "What brings you here in the middle of the day?"

She gave him a bland smile, "Nothing that serious; I just wanted to talk for a moment before you started your day. And, I wanted to remind you that we had plans with Sighard and his family tonight."

Alistair glanced up at her, an eyebrow raised. "You interrupted my bath to remind me of our dinner plans? Come now, Anora, we need not play these games. Tell me, what is on your mind?'

Anora chuckled and perched on the side of the tub, careful to keep her dress away from any pools of water. "To the point then; I've been getting back reports about your tour of the nation."

"And?"

"And, you have made quite an impression on the nobility, it seems."

"A good impression?"

"Decidedly so. It seems that many of them were worried that you may be too easily controlled, that Eamon wielded you like a puppet. However, when they saw how well you handled yourself without either Eamon or myself, I think you began to win their confidence. They seem to like your frank, straight-forward personality, and they can see that you genuinely care about what happens in this country. You take a genuine interest in them, and they can tell. It's a nice change, you know."

"A change, you mean from Cailan?"

"Yes, Cailan. He was always so focused on himself, his own pleasures and what not; I'm sure the nobility was afraid you, being his brother and all, would have a similar tendency, though they would never say it. They are all abuzz with excitement about you. It seems you are well on your way to earning their respect as a ruler as well."

"And why couldn't this wait till after my bath?"

"Because you will not be alone again until later tonight, and I wanted to encourage you to continue doing whatever it is that you were doing with the lords in the Bannorn."

"I was just being myself, Anora."

She smiled down at him, "Then perhaps I had nothing to worry about." She glanced down at the water. "I'll let you finish your bath. Shall I wait for you in your privy chamber? We can go down to eat together."

"That will be fine," he said, looking warily up at her. She nodded and gracefully strolled toward the door, pausing for a moment at the door to give him a quick smile before closing the door behind her. Alistair shook his head, wondering exactly what her agenda was. They hadn't exactly been close since he got back, not even in public. They had lain together, as it was important for them to secure an heir as soon as possible, but she rarely even looked at him the rest of the time. Perhaps he had made a greater impact on the nobles than he realized, and Anora was beginning to worry that her influence might be slipping. The thought crossed his mind that she may be growing feelings for him, but the thought was so absurd that he laughed out loud the moment it occurred to him. This is all about power. Everything with Anora was a calculated move to hold on to her position.

Shaking his head, he dried off and quickly pulled on his clothes. Eamon and Anora both insisted he dress as a noble whenever he carried out his daily duties in the castle. They insisted that having a king wearing armor everyday would insinuate that he was afraid of attack; the nobles might see it as a sign of weakness. As much as he loathed it, he had to see the validity of their argument. As such, Alistair had to adjust to wearing the fancy attire of a nobleman, and after years of wearing armor every day, the lightweight apparel felt incredibly alien on his skin. Taking a deep breath, Alistair left the bathing room and made his way into his bed chamber to meet his wife. Anora was sitting in front of the fireplace, reading over a stack of papers as she waited.

"What's that?" he asked, nodding toward the pages.

"Just some plans for the celebration marking the one year anniversary of the archdemon's death. Kadin dropped them off while you were finishing your bath."

Alistair picked up the sheets she had discarded and began to look through them. Several balls and dinners had been planned as well as a parade through the streets of Denerim. "Eriana will love that," he thought to himself.

"I think we should also have some sort of public ceremony. You and the Commander could give speeches, the Grand Cleric could say something," Anora suggested.

Alistair nodded, reading over the last of the papers. "We also need to invite representatives from each of the groups that allied with us during the Blight. I doubt Bhelan Aeducan would come himself, but we should extend him an invitation. I don't think the Dalish clan that helped us has moved on yet; we need to be sure they're invited to the celebration as well."

"Hum, I'm sad to say I hadn't considered that, but you're absolutely right. It would be wrong not to invite them."

Alistair handed the papers back to her. "This is a good start; we'll work on the details a bit more later." He was about to say more when there was a sharp knock on his door. "Enter," he barked and was surprised to see a messenger wearing the Amaranthine insignia standing there.

"Your Highness," the messenger said, giving him a low bow. "I apologize for interrupting you, but I bring urgent news from Vigil's Keep."

Alistair tore open the missive immediately, distraught to find that it was not Eriana's elegant script on the page. His eyes flew across the paper as he read the letter from Nathaniel, his heart pounding in his chest as he tried to process the news. Amaranthine and the Keep had been attacked by huge armies of darkspawn; the Wardens had suffered losses; the city and fortress both sustained great damage. Then he reached the portion of the letter that floored him. He read it twice before the gravity of the situation clicked.

"Kadin," he shouted. His elven servant stumbled into the room instantly, a nervous look on his face. "Pack my bags and ready my travel armor; I leave for Amaranthine in an hour." The elf nodded and began scurrying around the room as Alistair moved toward the door and shouted for Tristan, the captain of his personal guard. "Tristan, assemble a travel detail, no more than four or five; we need to be in Amaranthine by tomorrow." Tristan looked as though he was going to respond, but something in the King's face must have stopped him. Instead, he bowed and left to prepare his men.

"You're leaving in an hour. In the name of the Maker why?" Anora asked, standing up and moving toward him.

Alistair brushed past her and turned to the messenger. "Have you seen the Commander's father yet?"

"No, Your Majesty. I was to see you first."

Alistair nodded. "Let him know that I will arrange for him to leave for Amaranthine in the morning." The messenger bowed and ducked out of the room.

"Alistair," Anora said again, taking him by the arm, "What is going on?"

"Amaranthine and the Wardens were attacked four days ago; I need to go."

"But you just got back," she protested. "Besides, this is Warden business; if there's still a danger…"

"The Wardens have taken care of the darkspawn, Anora; this isn't about that."

Then it clicked with the Queen. "This is about her, isn't it? Something has happened to your Warden. Is that from her? Did she send you a summons and expect you to come running?" Alistair ignored her and began helping Kadin prepare his travel pack. "Alistair, you have plans, responsibilities. You can't drop everything and go running because your friend wants to see you."

"Anora, not now. I'm leaving in an hour, and that's final."

"No," she said, crossing her arms defiantly. "You have duties here."

Alistair rounded on her, "Woman, do not test me here. I am your husband and your King."

"And I am your wife; can I not be upset when you leave me to go running to another woman?"

"Maker's breath," he muttered and handed her the last page of the letter. Anora grabbed it with a huff and began reading over it as he returned to his packing.

Alistair heard a small gasp come from her and turned around to see that she had sunk down to the chair, a hand over her mouth as her eyes darted across the paper. "Oh, the poor dear." She looked up at him, tears dancing in her usually cool eyes. "Go to her Alistair; you must go to her. She will need you so desperately now."

Surprised, Alistair looked down at his wife, examining the hurt expression on her face. She was actually crying about Eriana's loss, and it didn't take long for Alistair to realize why. Reaching down, Alistair pulled his wife into his arms, holding her against him as she cried softly. "I'm sorry, Anora, I didn't know."

"No one did, not even Cailan," she said softly. "It was early yet, but this…I can't imagine how this feels. Alistair, she needs you; I'll take care of things while you're gone."

Alistair looked down at her, and without really realizing what he was doing, he reached down and tilted her head up, looking her in the eye for a moment before giving her a soft kiss. Anora looked up at him, a surprised look crossing her face for a moment before she melted against him, a softness on her face that he had never seen before. Wrapping his arms around her, Alistair pulled her against him, kissing her again, a bit more deeply this time. "Thank you. I will be back as soon as I can." Anora nodded and rest her head against his chest.

"Alistair," Eamon barked, barging into his privy chamber without bothering to knock. Instinctually, Alistair spun around into a defensive stance, sweeping the startled Queen behind him. "Please tell me you aren't leaving for Amaranthine today. Tell me I misheard."

Alistair's jaw tightened at the Arl's impertinence. "You heard correctly. You may enter by the way."

Eamon stopped short for a moment, surprised by the sharp tone of Alistair's voice. "Look, Alistair, you have to know how this will look. That elf calls and you come running. You're the King, you can't…"

"That's right," Alistair said, letting go of Anora and crossing the room to face the Arl. "I'm the King, a fact you seem to forget from time to time when you feel the need to barge in here and start bossing me around. Now, I'm going to Amaranthine, and you will just have to deal with it." He glanced back at Anora who gave him a weak smile.

"Eamon," she said, coming to stand beside her husband. "He needs to be there; it's an emergency." Eamon started to protest, but against the united front of King and Queen, he was rather powerless. Growling in anger, he turned and stormed out of the room.

Smiling, Alistair turned and looked down at his wife who had a slight grin on her face. "Thanks for that," he said, giving her a quick peck on the forehead. "I'll be back soon; I promise."

-0-

Nathaniel rested his elbows on the desk in front of him, massaging his temples as he read over the last of the reports in front of him. He had checked on Eriana several times during the last few days, but there was no change. She was still completely unresponsive. She would eat only when someone was feeding her, but she would never make eye contact with anyone and would flinch if anyone tried to touch her. Not even Soris could get any kind of reaction out of her. All she did all day was lie there and stare out the window.

"Excuse me, Warden," a guard said as he knocked on the office door. "Our scouts report that there are riders on the road, riders flying the royal standard."

Nathaniel's head shot up. "Already? Maker's breath, I just sent the message three days ago," he said, scrambling to his feet. "Let Garevel and the Wardens know; I'll be right down."

Grabbing his cloak and bow, Nathaniel rushed from the office, making it into the courtyard as the King was dismounting from his horse. Without ceremony, Alistair walked up the steps, straight toward the rogue. "Nathaniel Howe?"

Nathaniel gave the King a formal bow, "Your Majesty."

"How is she?"

"Not well, Your Majesty," Nathaniel said, gesturing toward the door to show Alistair to her room. "She's not responding to anyone; to be honest, I've never seen anything like it. I don't think she's even cried since the baby died. It's like she's an empty shell. If something doesn't change soon…" Nathaniel shook his head. "She'll waste away if she continues at this rate."

The two men walked silently down the hall, Nathaniel silently praying that the Alistair was able to help his friend. They made it to her room in no time. Pausing for a moment outside the, Nathaniel turned to face the King. "Do you think you can help?"

"I don't know, but I hope so."

Nathaniel knocked on the door; knowing there wasn't going to be an answer, he went ahead and opened the door. "Ana, you have a visitor honey."

Alistair walked over to the bed and knelt beside it. Gently he reached out and pushed the hair off the blonde elf's face. "Alistair?" she whispered, her voice shaky. Smiling sadly, the King nodded. "Oh," she whimpered as she burst into tears, throwing herself into his arms. Alistair gently lifted the elf and pulled her into his lap, cradling her tiny form against his chest. "I had a baby, Alistair."

"I know sweetie; I'm so sorry," he whispered, stroking her hair as she cried.

"She was beautiful, Alistair, she was so beautiful, my Asala."

Alistair looked down at her, "Asala? Wasn't that the name of Sten's sword?"

Eriana nodded, resting her head against his chest. "It means my soul." She took a deep breath as she started to sob again.

Seeing Eriana interacting with the King, Nathaniel released the breath he had been holding. Slowly, he backed out of the room, giving the two friends a little privacy. As he shut the door, he glanced down the hall to where Oghren was standing, arms crossed and a smug look on his face. Nathaniel smiled and nodded, his heart feeling lighter knowing that, in time, his elf would be just fine.

-0-

Meanwhile in Antiva…

-0-

_Just kidding! You all have to wait until next time._

_Sorry for the long delay this time. I've had a bit of a crisis IRL that was a bit of a muse killer. I'm not sure when I'll be able to update again. I have a feeling these next few weeks will be very busy._

_As always, let me give a special thanks to those of you who take the time to review. I'll be taking the story into some original action now that the in-game story line is over. I hope you like where I take it._


	30. Chapter 30

A loud clap of thunder shattered the night sky, sending the residents of Antiva City scrambling for shelter from the impending storm. It was a bit late in the season for such tumultuous weather, but the residents of Antiva knew to expect the unexpected when it came to weather. All over the city, doors and windows were being shuttered against the howling wind and pounding rain, and in every home everyone was hunkering down, hoping the worst of the storm would pass them quickly. Everyone, that is, except for the guests of Sophia deGran, Guild Master of the Antivan Crows. Inside her home, shut away from the dangers storm, Sophia's guests enjoyed every hedonistic pleasure even the most deviant mind could devise, decadent food, wine and liquor, not to mention the army of courtesans ready to tend to any of her guests' more carnal desires, all this and more was at their fingertips. And in the middle of it all, lounged Sophia herself, casually surveying the self-indulgence that surrounded her with a detached sort of arrogance.

It was an evening of celebration for Sophia and her companions. A rival guild master was dead, a master who had been causing a great many problems for Sophia. He had become such a problem that she had been considering eliminating him herself. According to the rumors that were flying through the Crow circles, Enrique's death had been a result of a random act of violence, an arbitrary robbery that had ended in the Crow's death. But Sophia wasn't convinced; in her experience, there was no such thing as a random act of violence, not in Antiva at least, and an assassin as skilled as Enrique would not fall easily to a mere street thug. There was more to it than that. She should be happy that her rival was dead; she should be relieved that he would be causing her no more problems; but she wasn't. She knew that his death wasn't orchestrated for her benefit, and that fact made her wary. She would like to think her followers were ambitious enough to execute a ploy like that without consulting her first; it was, after all, no secret how much she had despised Enrique. But there were none among her number who she believed would take such a risk on her behalf.

None except for one, and he was still an unknown entity. Glancing around the room, her eyes fell on the newest member of her little murder of Crows, a formally lost sheep who had returned to her fold after his brief sojourn in Ferelden. Narrowing her eyes, she carefully appraised the blonde assassin who was currently enjoying the attentions of the dark-headed courtesan who was gently massaging his shoulders. He had approached her a few months ago, offering his services as an assassin in exchange for amnesty. She had been hesitant at first in trusting at first, worried about gaining the ire of a rival house, but after a while, she came to realize his value. He had proven himself loyal thus far, and his skills were undeniable. In only a few months time, he had become a valuable asset, despite the fact that there were still questions about his actions in Ferelden. There was still something about him that still seemed a bit off, something she couldn't quite put her finger on. He needed to be tested, and in a moment of sudden inspiration, Sophia figured out exactly how to do it.

Summoning a servant, Sophia whispered a quick demand into the young girl's ear and watched as she scrambled out of the room. The serving girl returned a moment later with a terrified-looking merchant in tow. Sophia smiled to herself and waved the trader forward. "Your name is Philip, is it not?" she asked, gesturing to the dais beside her.

The merchant nodded nervously as he took a seat. "Y…yes, my lady." he stuttered, looking down at his feet as if he was afraid to make eye contact with the deadly woman.

"And you are joining us after returning from Ferenden are you not?" she asked, glancing down at Zevran who had his eyes closed as he enjoyed the attentions of the young courtesan. The man nodded again. "You must be glad to be back amongst civilized folks again and away from that horrid dog smell. Such a vulgar place, don't you agree Zevran," she said, drawing out the elf's name.

"Hum," Zevran said, glancing up as if unaware of the conversation going on around him.

"Ferelden, you did spend a great deal of time in Ferelden, did you not? How in Thedas did you manage to stand the stench for so long? It is such a backward place."

Zevran chuckled and closed his eyes again, "Yes, the smell does take some getting used to, as does their horrid, bland food, but the country did have its charms. Not that I miss it, mind you; I was more than ready to return to civilization. But my time there wasn't totally without mirth."

"Indeed," she said, turning her sharp gaze back on the trader. "So, tell me Philip, what part of dog land were you in last?"

"Highever, my lady. I sailed from there just over a week ago."

"Interesting, Zevarn didn't you join us from Highever? I believe that was what you told me when you arrived."

Zevran nodded, without lifting his head. "It was a convenient port city. I was able to get away quickly without raising any suspicions. Highever isn't nearly as bad as some of the other places I was forced to visit in my travels. It still smelled of dog, though," he added with a laugh.

Sophia smiled as she turned back to the merchant. "Well, tell us, Philip, what news do you bring us from Ferelden? Why don't you entertain us with your tales of our neighbor to the south."

Philip took a deep breath and glanced around nervously. "I'm not exactly a bard, my lady, but I can bring you news. Apparently the nation is still struggling with the darkspawn threat."

"Darkspawn," Sophia interrupted, "but didn't they retreat after the Blight ended? All the legends say that is what happens when the archdemon dies."

"Apparently not. According to the news flying through the north, Amaranthine and Vigil's Keep were both attacked by large armies of darkspawn not two weeks ago."

"Amaranthine, now correct me if I'm wrong, Zevran, but is that not the land that was given to the Grey Wardens by the King?"

The elf nodded, sitting up and tipping the courtesan. "The Wardens are indeed based at Vigil's Keep now. A company from Orlais was scheduled to arrive about the time I left the country, so I imagine they took care of it."

"They were supposed to be there, ser, but according to the stories I've heard, the entire group from Orlais was killed before the Warden Commander arrived. She was on her own for a long time," Philip said, twisting his hat in his hands.

Sophia glanced over at Zevran, curious as to how he would react to the news. To her disappointment, he was merely messing with his tunic, shaking out the dust before pulling it over his head. "Oh, my, that must have been difficult for them," Sophia said, turning back to the merchant. "So how did such a small number of Wardens fare against two armies of darkspawn?"

"They were able to beat them back; at least the rumors say that they did. Unfortunately, it wasn't without loss. Apparently there were several Wardens lost at Vigil's Keep, two elven lasses from what I've heard."

Certain that this news would elicit some kind of reaction from the elf, Sophia's gaze passed over Zevran and was again disappointed to find him completely uninterested, messing with the ties at the neck of his tunic rather than listening to their conversation. Sophia laughed, "I have to say, my Zevran, I'm disappointed. I expected some kind of reaction from that, and yet, nothing." She sighed dramatically, "Well, if you won't ask, then I will. Was the Hero of Ferelden among those elven lasses lost?"

"No, she was defending the city when the Keep was attacked. According to the stories I've heard, she lead a small team and the city guards against an entire army without losing a single Warden. Then she and her party attacked the darkspawn nest, destroying whatever was leading them."

"Ah, that's wonderful new; isn't it, Zevran? Aren't you glad to hear that your Warden has emerged unscathed?"

Zevran finally looked up and met the guild master's eyes. "She is not my Warden; she was a pleasant diversion and a convenient ally for a time, but that is all. I have no more ties to her than I have to any of my former masters," he said casually before looking away, but there was something more there, something you had to be looking for to see. Sophia had him.

Smiling to herself, the Crow leaned forward in her chair and tipped the merchant, thanking him for his time. "Now, if you will all excuse me, I believe I will retire for the evening. Please stay as long as you like. There are rooms here for your use, should you choose to avail yourself to them. Zevran," she said, extending a hand, "care to join me?"

A broad smile spread across the elf's face. "Your desire is my command," he purred up at her, taking her hand and allowing himself to be led into the recesses of the estate.

-0-

Closing the door behind him, Zevran turned to look at the dark-skinned, raven-haired beauty lounging on the bed in front of him. She was alluring in the way all female Crows were. In a guild made up of mostly men, the women were always chosen for their sensuality and sexual appeal. Sophia was no exception, and she knew it. She exuded lust and desire, and there were few men who could resist her charms when she turned them on. Looking up a Zevran, she spread her legs and beckoned him toward her. A lusty smile crossing his face, the elf pulled his shirt over his head and crossed the room to kneel between her knees, running his hands up her slender legs as he peppered the inside of her thighs with soft kisses.

Sighing with contentment, Sophia threw her head back, enjoying his attentions as his lips and hands began to creep up toward the juncture of her legs. "Oh, Zevran," she moaned, running her fingers through his hair, "I am so glad I decided not to kill you when you first approached me. This arrangement has turned out to be so much better than I anticipated."

"That is a common opinion, you know." Zevran said with a chuckle, never pausing as he continued to lavish attention on her legs. "This was an inevitable end, you know," her purred glancing up at her between kisses. "There are few that can resist such charms, and when you look at our combined charms; well, there was simply no resisting it."

Laughing, she reached down and lifted his chin, gently pulling him up to face her. "And it will be so much better now that I know how to properly keep you under control." Zevran blinked in confusion, but remained silent. "You see, Zevran, I don't believe you, that you truly returned to reconcile with the Crows. No, there is more to it than that, but I wasn't until tonight exactly sure what it was that you were after. Was it power, was it revenge, was it more money? I did not know. So I waited and watched, hoping that you would reveal your hand. And tonight you did."

Zevran pushed her down on the bed and climbed over her, straddling her waist as he looked down on her. "I assure you, there is nothing more that I am after than what I told you when I arrived. All I desire is right here."

Sophia laughed and stroked his face playfully. "Come now, Zevran; we are both adults here, both deadly adults. There is no need for this kind of silly role playing; you don't need to lie to me. We both possess something the other wants. I want power, and you have the skills that can help me secure it. You want protection, protection that only I can provide."

"Isn't that what I told you months ago?" Zevran pointed out, looking down at her.

"Yes, but you weren't exactly truthful," she said, shifting their weight and reversing their positions on the bed so that she was perched atop him. "You see, it is not your own protection that you desire. You are here for your Warden."

Zevran rolled his eyes and chuckled good-naturedly. "This again? Come now, we have been over this; have we not? If I wanted to protect her, would I not have stayed by her side, watched over her to ensure nothing happened? You think too much of me, my Sonya; since when have I been interested in the welfare of another?"

"You want so desperately for us to believe that, don't you; that you care so little for her well-being? You have tried too hard to make us believe that you have forgotten her, that you never truly cared. That is why you reacted so callously when the merchant told us of the hardships she was facing in Amaranthine. You wanted so desperately for us to believe that you had no feelings for your little Warden." She looked down at him, staring intently into his eyes. "But you failed, Zevran. No one is that callous, not even an assassin. You spent a year in that woman's bed, and yet you did not react to the possibility that she may be in danger, maybe even dead. Even the most heartless among us would have at least had a professional curiosity as to the fate of a former companion or target, but you…you showed not even the slightest interest in her plight, and in doing that, you gave yourself away. You tried too hard to pretend you didn't care, my Zevran; so much, in fact, that you made your feelings perfectly obvious."

Zevran raised an eyebrow as he looked up at her. "So the fact that I didn't appear to be concerned about her, in your eyes proves that I care for her deeply." He laughed as he pulled her face down so that it was mere inches from his own. "So if I applied the same logic, then my apparent interest in you would prove that I care nothing for you. Let me assure you, bella donna, that is not the case," he growled, closing the distance between them and capturing her mouth in a passionate kiss.

Breaking the kiss, Sophia smiled down at him. "Oh, I have no doubt you have a care for me. At least, you will after what I have to say to you." She got up from the bed and moved to her bureau. "Do you know what this is?" she asked, removing a piece of paper from a hidden compartment and holding it up for him to see.

"It looks like a Crow contract," Zevran said, sitting up casually on the bed, a slightly annoyed look crossing his face.

"Not just any contract. It is the contract for your Warden. I acquired it just after I accepted your proposal; I thought it might come in useful as leverage should you prove to be unruly. I never realized, though, just how powerful it might be. I thought you might have some lingering affections for that elf, but I never imagined just how deep your feelings ran for her." Zevran opened his mouth, but she held up a hand to stop him. "Protest all you like, but I can read you like a book, Zevran Arainai; your time abroad has weakened you. You were hanging on every word that merchant said, try as you might to feign disinterest."

Zevran's jaw clinched ever so slightly as he looked over at her. "So what exactly do you intend to do with that?"

"With this? Well, my Zevran, that is entirely up to you. If you are as unconcerned as you claim to be, say the word, and I will have a team dispatched to Amaranthine to take care of her once and for all. Your reputation with the Crows would be damaged, but the target would be eliminated, freeing you to return properly to the guild."

Zevran chuckled, "You could attempt it, I suppose, but I warn you, she can be very difficult to kill. Believe me, I tried. I found it easier to win her trust and, in turn, her protection for a time, and then return when I thought all was safe. Don't expect your men to fair any better against her than I did."

"In normal circumstances you might be right, but as the situation stands now, she is vulnerable. I spoke with the merchant before our gathering tonight. According to him, they suffered great losses against the darkspawn army. Her Keep was attacked and heavily damaged, so she will need to stay and oversee the repairs. That means we know exactly where to find her, and access to her will be much easier now that her defenses are down."

Zevran shrugged, "Go ahead then, it will be a waste of your resources, and you don't have that many to spare."

"I do now, thanks to Enrique's fortuitous death. But why risk wasting my resources, as you say, simply eliminating her? No, I believe she is much more useful alive. Dead, she will have no pull over you, but alive, alive I can use." Sophia crossed the room and glared down at him. "You care about her, maybe even love her, that much is clear to me now. I can use that. You put one toe out of line, Arainai, and I will have her life. I can have men in place tomorrow, ready to attack her at a moment's word from me. You defy me, and it will be her end."

Zevran's eyes narrowed, "You threaten me with the loss of her? What do I care? I left her, did I not? If I cared for her as much as you seem to believe I do, then how was I able to do that? Send your men; it matters little to me what happens to the hero of the dog lords. My life is here now, and that is all that matters to me; you are all that matters to me." With that he grabbed her, and threw her her down on the bed, hastily removing her clothes before rolling her over on her stomach climbing on top of her. Sophia put up little struggle as she submitted to his ministrations. He looked down at her, his eyes dark with hunger and whispered softly in her ear, "And right now, another woman is the last thing on my mind."

Sophia moaned as he sheathed himself deep in her, moving at first in slow, languid thrusts, building to a more frenzied pace. It was a slow build, both of them giving over to their more carnal desires. Her nails dug into fabric beneath him as she felt the fire in her belly begin to build. His hand reached around her, finding her warm center and caressing her soft folds as he continued to pound into her. His mouth attacked her neck and shoulders, biting and nipping them as he brought her to her climax, sending her tumbling over the edge. Above her, Zevran growled her name as he too found his completion, spilling his seed deep in her before collapsing on top of her. They stayed that way, limbs intertwined as they both tried to slow their breathing.

"Well," Sophia said, glancing up at him over her shoulder, "that was surprising. I thought that would be the last thing you would be in the mood for, after I threatened your Warden and all. It seems, though, that I got my message across." A devious smile crossed her face as she laid her head on the pillow before her. "Don't worry, my Zevran, so long as you continue to behave and perform this…admirably, she will be safe from me."

Zevran glanced down at her and whispered affectionately, "It matters not, mia cara. Don't think on her; she means nothing. You are my world."

Sophia laughed, "Why Zevran, such a nice sentiment; that sounded so sincere, I almost believed you."

"What made you think I was talking to you," he growled coolly, unsheathing a long slender stiletto and burying it into the soft part of her neck, cleanly lacerating her jugular vein. The Crow's eye widened in shock as the blade sliced through her skin and muscle, sending her blood gushing from the wound in her throat. She started to scream, but Zevran moved quickly, pushing her face down into the mattress beneath them, using all his weight to keep her there, muffling the sound and subduing struggles her until she stopped moving altogether. He waited there, sitting on top of her for a few more minutes, until the bleeding finally stopped. Once he was certain she was dead, he climbed off her and quickly dressed, taking care to secure all his weapons before moving around the room. It was the matter of only a few minutes for him to gather up everything that he needed. It had been fortunate that Sophia had so willingly showed him where she stored her contracts; that had been a stroke of good luck Zevran had not been anticipating. Though, he had not planned on killing her quite so soon. She had been a powerful ally and had given him inroads to the Crows that could have taken him years for forge alone, but she had threatened his Warden, a transgression he could not allow to pass unpunished.

Tucking the contracts into his tunic, Zevran pulled his cloak tightly around him and, without sparing to cooling body another glance, disappeared out the window and into the night. He was able to easily move unseen through the streets as they were empty thanks to the storm that had blown through earlier that evening. As he ducked through the streets, his mind raced. Three, no now four Crow masters in three months; it was a solid start, but he knew he had a long road ahead of him. He wondered if now would be an appropriate time to approach Ignacio, or if he should continue to lay low for a while. Zevran had managed to operate undetected thus far, but after such a decisive move, he doubted whether he could remain unknown any longer. He knew that the day would come when he would be ready to declare open war on the Crows; he just wasn't quite ready for that yet. First, he needed to upset the order of things, which killing the masters was definitely accomplishing. Then he needed to organize his allies, a much more dangerous task, but he was on the right track.

Despite his success thus far, Zevran was still very uneasy; Sophia's threats had chilled him to the bone. He had stumbled, revealed too much, and as a result, he had once again put his Warden in danger. In trying so hard to protect her, to seem unconcerned, he had almost pulled the entire weight of the Crows down on her head. If anyone discovered just how much they could hurt him through her, how easily she could be used to manipulate him, all would be lost. If word got out that he cared for her at all, every house in Antiva would send someone to Amaranthine after her in an attempt to reign him in. Once Sophia discovered his secret, eliminating her was his only option; he simply couldn't risk leaving a threat to his Ana alive.

He made it back to his run-down apartment in the southernmost part of the city just before the sun began to rise. After stashing the contracts away with the others that he had accumulated, he began vigorously washing himself, trying his best to eliminate any reminder of Sophia that may still linger on his body. Part of him couldn't help but feel sick, like he was cheating on Eriana, but it was necessary, a part of his ploy to gain the power to properly protect her. Surely she would understand; he prayed she would at least. There was so much he had to atone for with her, this indiscretion was the least of his problems.

Once he felt as clean as he could be, he sat at the window, watching as the sun began to rise over the city. Zevran had chosen this particular apartment for a number of reasons. First, it was well off the beaten track, so no one would come here looking for him. Second, the neighborhood was rather safe, by Antivan standards anyway, so security wasn't exactly an issue. But there were places like that all over the city. No, the real reason he had chosen this particular room was the window. Somehow, staring out of the southern-facing window made him feel closer to Eriana. Though he couldn't see her, knowing that he was looking toward her gave him a quiet kind of peace. He looked down at the ring that he had been rolling over in his hand. It was the ring she had given him the day he proposed to her in the alienage, a symbol of the life they had hoped to have. He rarely went anywhere without it and usually wore it on a chain around his neck, close to his heart. However, he hadn't been able to wear it tonight due to the nature of his mission, and it had nearly caused him physical pain to leave it behind. Bringing it to his lips, he kissed it, wishing he was kissing her instead.

Listening to that merchant talking so casually about the attack on Amaranthine had been nauseating for Zevran. It took every ounce of will in him to keep himself from boarding the next ship for Amaranthine so he could be with her. The thought of her in pain or danger made him physically ill, that coupled with the fact that she had lost people in the attack. He knew how personally she took every loss, and he longed to be there to comfort her. His body ached for hers; it was like a part of him was missing. Every touch from another woman only made him long for the touch he was missing. It was like dying a slow, painful death day by day. More than anything, he wanted to leave this Maker-forsaken city and return to her side, but he knew that leaving was not an option. He had to stay and see this through, or all their suffering, all his work, the pain of their serration, all of it would have been for naught. If he left now, the Crows would most certainly pursue him and her as well.

Sliding the chain around his neck, Zevran shot one last look to the south, sending all of his love to the woman for whom he was doing all of this. He wondered what she was doing, who she was with, and how she was feeling. He hoped that whatever was going on with her that she could somehow find some peace and that she would one day be able to forgive him.

-0-

The grounds of Vigil's Keep were quiet and peaceful in the early hours of morning. The yard of the Keep that had been full of soldiers and darkspawn only a week or so ago, now only held only a small handful of occupants, all of whom were huddled around a small, unlit pyre. At the head of the makeshift altar, the Revered Mother of the Amaranthine Chantry and Niko Amell stood, quietly discussing the final arrangements for the service. Across the pyre, Oghren sat on a low stool, staring blankly ahead, unwilling to look at the neatly stacked wood; Petra stood behind him, keeping careful watch over his movements. He was still seriously injured, but she nothing she could say could convince him to remain in bed. Not that she tried too hard to do so; she knew how important it was for him to be there. Beside them, Cyrion Tabris stood, flanked by his niece and nephew who both had a hand on his arm, gently holding him, helping him to stay on his feet. The old man's eyes were red with tears, and he kept glancing nervously back toward the keep. It seemed as though he had aged many years since his daughter left for Amaranthine, and the stress of things was beginning to show on the old man's face.

Cyrion gave a small sigh as the final guests slowly made their way slowly into the yard. Sigrun came first, holding a small, tightly wrapped figure in her arms. Behind her walked Alistair and Eriana. The King was practically carrying the tiny elf, supporting all her weight as he held her close to his side as they came to stand beside Sigrun. Taking a deep breath, Eriana reached down and took the bundle from the dwarf, looking down between the folds of the blanket at her child for one last time. Nathaniel walked up behind them, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Once everyone was in place, Nathaniel nodded to the Revered Mother, and she began the service. Her words were cliché, some passage from the chant that was meant to celebrate life and death, words that were meant to comfort, but they rang hollow in the grieving mother's ears. She wanted to speak, to talk about her child, but what more was there to say about a live that was never lived? So she remained silent, never looking away from the bundle in her arms as her fingers lightly traced the contours of her daughter's face for the last time, tears running down her own.

_Though all before me is shadow,_ The Revered Mother recited her eyes closed:

_Yet shall the Maker be my guide._

_I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond._

_For there is no darkness in the Maker's Light_

_And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost._

_Maker, though the darkness comes upon me,_

_I shall embrace the light. I shall weather the storm._

_I shall endure._

_What you have created, no one can tear asunder._

_Draw your last breath, my friends,_

_Cross the Veil and the Fade and all the stars in the sky._

_Rest at the Maker's right hand,_

_And be Forgiven._

The Revered Mother opened her eyes and glanced at the elf. "It's time, my Child."

Eriana nodded and, with the help of the King, moved forward to place her child on the pyre. Gently, she placed the tiny bundle on the prepared alter and leaned forward to kiss her one more time. "May Falon'Din guide you my little one," she whispered, "I'm so sorry I never knew you." Shaking, she stepped back into the protective circle of Alistair's arms and nodded weakly at Niko. The mage closed his eyes and whispered an incantation; the wood before them burst into flames, tendrils of fire creeping up, setting the pyre ablaze. Cyrion let a small sob escape as Soris wrapped an arm around him, keeping him for falling over. Eriana watched for a moment before turning her face into Alistair's chest. The last of her strength seemed to give out because her knees buckled and the King had to tighten his grip on her to keep her from crumbling to the ground. Her entire body was shaking as she softly cried.

"Ana, are you alright," Alistair said, brushing her hair back off her face. She shook her head as she clung to him. "Do you need me to take you inside?"

She looked up at him and nodded weakly. "I just don't think I can handle it," she whispered. "Can you take me in, please? I just don't…"

"I've got you, Ana," Alistair said, leading her gently away, supporting the whole of her weight until they were out of sight. The moment they were out of sight of the others, he swept her up in his arms, cradling her to his chest as he carried her up to her room. He tucked her into her bed, and watched from her bedside as she curled herself up into a ball and cried herself to sleep while the smoke form the pyre continued to rise, filling the sky over the Keep.

-0-

_I hadn't exactly planned to show what was going on in Antiva with Zevran, but I've missed writing him so much. Plus, I wanted to remind everyone just why he felt like he needed to leave in the first place. (Don't hate him, he didn't know!)_

_Anyway, sorry for the long delay. I have had some major issues at work over the past two weeks, and I haven't been able to write or respond to any reviews, so again, I apologize. Now that I'm on break, hopefully I'll be able to update a bit more often. Thank you so much for everyone who took the time to review that last chapter. It was a tough one to write (I hate breaking Eriana's heart). Let me know what you think of this one._


	31. Chapter 31

It was well into the evening before Eriana woke up. For several minutes, she simply lay in bed, allowing her mind to mull over the events of the previous days. They were a blur for the most part, punctuated by a few brief instances that were painfully clear. For the moment, however, she wasn't in pain either physically or emotionally. In fact, for the first time in weeks, she actually felt at peace, and it didn't take her long to figure out why. Alistair was nearby; she knew because she could feel the familiar pull of the taint in his blood.

As a Grey Warden, Eriana had become quite accustomed to the almost alluring pull of the darkspawn taint running through her blood. She could sense them from a distance and had learned how to determine what kinds and how many they were facing. Like most experienced Wardens, she could feel the presence of other Wardens when they were nearby, but the sensation they created in her blood was much the same regardless of who they were. The only thing she could distinguish was roughly how long they had been in the order, but she couldn't identify individuals merely based on the pull of their blood. Alistair was the only exception. She hadn't realized it at first, the way Alistair's blood called to her in such a unique way; they had been together for so long during the Blight that she simply thought the sensation was just part of being a Warden and being near other Wardens. It was a helpful bond, especially in battle. Eriana and Alistair both seemed to know instinctively where the other was, and in some intense situations could even tell when the other was in trouble. She wasn't sure if it was the taint in their blood or the fact that she knew him so well, but there were times that Eriana could almost swear that she could feel Alistair's emotions. It wasn't until they were separated after the Landsmeet that she realized just how close of a bond they had formed. Though she never admitted it to anyone, his absence had left a physical void behind. For a long time, she had felt empty without his presence; Loghain's presence simply wasn't the same.

Now, waking up to feel his familiar presence close by again was exactly what she needed. It was warm; it was soothing; it was familiar. Without a doubt, it was the second most comforting sensation she could imagine, second only to… She immediately stopped that line of thought. The hurt was still to raw to allow her mind to venture there; it was best if she avoided thinking about him altogether if possible.

Sighing quietly to herself, Eriana rolled over in bed and looked toward Alistair. He was lounging in a chair beside her bed, his feet propped up on her mattress, an open book laying across his chest as he dozed beside her. She smiled and propped herself up on a quivering elbow. "Do you really have to put your dirty feet on my blankets?" she muttered to him.

"My boots aren't on, they're fine," he replied, opening his eyes and sitting up. He was at her side in an instant, one hand gently stroking her forehead, the other clasping her tiny hand in his massive one. "How are you feeling?" he asked, looking down at her intently, his eyes full of concern.

"I've been better," she answered truthfully. "But I've been worse, too." She gave him a sad smile as she looked up at him. "Thank you for coming, for being here. I don't know if I could have gotten through this without you."

Alistair sighed and continued to caress her face. "I just wish I was here sooner, that there was something more I could do." He squeezed her hand gently, "I feel like I abandoned you when you needed me most. I should have been here for you; I should never have left."

Eriana placed her free hand on top of his. "Alistair, you were doing exactly what you needed to be doing. I knew I couldn't keep you when I made you King, that our duties would take us in different directions, but I don't regret it. You have done your duty, and I cannot fault you for that."

Alistair smiled, pushing her hair off her face and planting a kiss on her forehead. "Duty…duty hasn't exactly been kind to us has it?"

Eriana shook her head. "Duty never is, Alistair. If it were easy to do what was right, then there would be no need for heroes to step in and save us. You've done right by me Alistair; you were here when I needed you most, and for that, I am eternally grateful."

Alitair nodded. "Do you think you could eat something? Petra told me it has been more than a week since you've had a proper meal."

The young elf sighed and shook her head. "I probably need to eat, but, really, I have no desire to." She thought for a moment. "You know, I could really go for a bath, though. I feel like it's been ages since I've had a real bath, and right now, all I want to do is wash away everything."

"I can understand that. You sit right here, and I'll go get someone to help you," he said, getting up to leave. He was stopped, however, when she reached out and grabbed his arm, a look of panic crossing her face.

"No, Alistair, please, don't leave me. Can't you…I mean do you think you could…though, if you're uncomfortable helping…"

Alistair smiled gently, "Of course I'll stay, Ana, whatever you need." With that, he reached down and helped her to her feet, keeping her steady as she balanced herself on unsteady legs. Holding her by the waist, he led her into her washroom. "Do you think you could sit here while I go find someone to fetch your water?"

Eriana shook her head. "That's not necessary," she said, pointing to a lever on the wall. "Pull on that lever and touch the rune just above it." Alistair did as he was told and was surprised when a rivulet of hot water began streaming into the tub. "Remember the bathing rooms in Orzammar?" Alistair nodded. "Well, Howe must have visited there sometime because he's had the same thing done in here. He had some water diverted from a stream so that it runs into a reservoir here in the Keep; the runes heat the water as it flows around it."

"That's amazing," he said with a chuckle. "It looks like Howe got one thing right. This is down-right luxurious. Maybe I could get some engineers to figure out how to make something like this work in the palace." Eriana smiled as she poured some oils and soaps into the warm water. Once the tub was full, Alistair helped her out of her clothes, careful to keep his eyes fixed on her face and not allowing them to wander down her body. Only once she was concealed by the murky water of the tub did he allow himself to look away from her face. Eriana leaned back, resting her head on the edge, letting the warm water ease the stiffness on her muscles and her lingering pains. She sat there for a while, enjoying the water and Alistair's closeness, listening to him as he talked about his trip around the country. It was quite a while before she decided it was time to actually start washing herself. Struggling to sit up, Eriana reached for the soap and clean water to rinse her hair. Her arm started shaking the moment she extended it toward the soap, and of course, Alistair noticed immediately.

"Here, Honey," he said, sitting down on the edge of the tub. "Let me help you with that." Eriana sighed and sat back, letting Alistair take care of her. She hated feeling so helpless, even if it was just around Alistair. "I've got you, Ana," Alistair said, gently easing her forward, "why don't you lean on my arm here while I take care of you." Eriana obeyed, closing her eyes and enjoying the feeling as the warm water washed over her head, like it was washing away all of her pain and suffering. Alistair was so gentle as he tenderly massaged the soap into her hair, occasionally brushing the bare skin on her back.

Once he was finished, he helped her settle back against the edge of the tub. "Thank you, Alistair," she muttered, opening her eyes and looking up at him. "You know, I'm still so tired; I think I could almost fall asleep right here."

"Well, we better get you out then because that's least thing we need, the Hero of Ferelden falling asleep and drowning herself in the tub. She survived demons and dragons only to be done in by a warm bath."

"And two months before the one year anniversary of the end of the Blight, too," Eriana said with a weak laugh. "Does that mean you're making me get out?"

Alistair nodded, "The water's getting cold, anyway." He grabbed a long, white robe and held it out toward her. "Let's get you into this, and I'll send someone in to help you get dressed while I go get you some dinner."

Eriana raised an eyebrow at him as he helped her into the robe, amused that once again he managed to keep his eyes focused on her face. "You do realize you could just send a servant to fetch something, right?" she said once Alistair had her seated in front of the fireplace in her room.

"Yeah, I know, but I know what you like and what would make you sick. It'd just be easier for me to go get you something rather than trying to explain it to someone else."

Eriana grinned, "So the King of Ferelden is going to personally get my dinner for me, not to mention he's helped me take a bath. I am probably the only person in Thedas who can claim that."

"Anything for you, you know that, right?" Alistair said, stroking her hair as he looked down at her. "You are a lucky girl."

Eriana's smile fell instantly, and Alistair cursed quietly under his breath. "Ana, I'm so sorry, that was thoughtless of me…I just wasn't thinking."

Eriana shook her head. "Don't worry, Alistair; you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around me. I know you didn't mean any harm." She glanced up at him, "Besides, you were right; you just didn't say what kind of luck I have. I am lucky, you know; it's just all bad luck."

"Ana, you know that isn't true." She gave him a questioning look. "Okay, so it's kind of been true recently, but things will get better for you, I know it." Eriana sighed and shrugged her shoulders. He leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. "They will; there's a reason for this, I'm certain of it. Now, I'm going to go get you something to eat. Trust me, cheese always makes everything better."

"Even this?"

"Even this."

Eriana gave a weak chuckle and watched as Alistair left the room, giving him her a small smile before closing the door behind him. Eriana started to turn her gaze back to the fire, but her eyes stopped when they crossed over the mirror on her vanity. She tried remember the last time she really looked at herself in the mirror, probably just before the fealty ceremony when she was trying to decide what to wear. It had been a long time since she had any real reason to care what she looked like, so what she saw in the mirror shocked her. Her face was hollow and gaunt; the elegant elven angles of her face had sharpened into harsh lines. Struggling to her feet, she made her way over to the mirror and began to look at herself. Her face was not the only part of her body that had suffered from her ill-treatment of herself. She instantly realized that she wasn't just weak physically; her entire body seemed to be withering away. Her slim and lithe form now seemed almost skeletal it was so emaciated; her strong, slender arms now looked like brittle twigs. She was a shadow of what she was only three months ago, so much so that her own reflection frightened her. How had she let herself get to this place? How had it gotten this bad without her realizing it?

"Cousin?" a tentative voice whispered from the doorway. Eriana looked up from her self examination to see Shianni standing there. "Alistair said you could you use some help."

Eriana nodded and let her cousin help her into some clean clothes and back into the bed. "Shianni, how bad do I look? Be honest, what did you think when you first got here?"

Shianni sighed and eased into the bed beside her, wrapping her arms around her cousin's waist. "I'm not going to lie, we were really worried when we first got here. Petra met us at the gate to warm us that you had lost some weight, but nothing could have prepared us for this. It's like you're a shell of your former self, a shell that's slowly wasting away. Petra did say you kind of took a downhill turn after you got back from the darkspawn attack, though." Shianni started playing with her hair. "These last two weeks have been hard on you; we've just been worried."

"I'm sorry, Shianni," Eriana said, tears welling up in her eyes. "I never meant to hurt anyone. I didn't want anyone to worry about me; I just couldn't handle the pressure of all this all at once. It was just too much. I guess I just shut down in a way."

Shianni eased her cousin's head into her lap and gently stroked her hair. "Maybe you just need a break; you know, to get away from all this so you can get better. Why don't you come back to the alienage with us? The city just built Trevers and me a brand-new house and there's plenty of room for you. A change of scenery might do you some good; it would give you a chance to relax and get better."

Eriana shook her head. "Shianni, you and Trevers haven't even been married a year yet. The last thing you need is another person in your home, especially a mopey one like me. You two need some time alone."

Shianni shrugged, "Well, your father is already living with us; what's one more."

Eriana cringed. "He's not too much trouble, is he; I mean, you all don't mind him staying with you? Because I can bring him here to live if you need me to; it seems to have slowed down enough that he would be safe here."

"No, no, no," Shianni said with a smile. "I love having Uncle Cyrion live with us. I mean, you all took Soris and I in after the plague took our parents; it's the least I could do. He's like a father to me, you know? Besides, everyone would love to have you back."

"But what would I do back in the alienage? It's not like I'm marriage material anymore, and I don't have any skills that would be of any use to anyone there. I fight, that's what I do, and there would be no use for me there."

"Then go back to the palace. Alistair asked you to stay and work as an advisor for him, did he not? I'm sure the offer still stands."

"And what good would I be as an advisor? I was raise in the alienage, remember? I have no training in affairs of state. Hell, I rely on my seneschal and Nathaniel to help me run this arling. What good would I be advising the King on running the whole nation?" Eriana sighed, "Besides, Alistair needs to spend time with Anora, and he wouldn't do that if I was there. I'd just be in the way."

"But you can't stay here, Ana; it's just not healthy."

"No, Shianni, here is the only place I can be; it's the only place where I have purpose. At least here I can occupy myself with all my duties and whatnot. Trust me, I can keep myself busy enough here."

Shianni crossed her arms, "Like you've been trying to do for the past three months? Well, let me tell you, cousin; it isn't working and you know it. You've tried distracting yourself for the past three months and look where it's gotten you. You need time to recover, to heal, to sort all this out."

"Look, I admit, I did a piss-poor job of it last time, but I'll do better now. I've seen what I've done to myself, and I've seen the consequences of letting myself go the way I did. I won't let it happen again. Besides, I was running off pregnancy hormones; I'm pretty sure they make you crazy."

"So there's nothing I can say to convince you to come back to Denerim?"

"No, this is where I'm needed. It's the only place where I really belong. I don't fit in with the alienage anymore, and I don't fit in with the nobles. At least here, among the Wardens, I have some kind of purpose. Besides, Soris will be here to help me, and if I start getting worse, then he has full authority to drag me back to Denerim. Does that sound good to you?"

"Okay, fine, but your father stays with me." Eriana started to protest, but Shianni stopped her. "No, listen, it's hard enough for him when he doesn't know everything that's going on with you from day to day, but I think being here, watching you come back bloody and ragged after a fight, Ana, I think that would kill him."

"Is he doing that bad?"

"No, recently he's been doing better. Helping us rebuild the alienage has been good for him, but losing you that first time really did a number on him. Then Soris got captured by the arl's men, and I don't know, something in him broke. Getting you back helped a lot, but these past two years has aged him, a lot." Shianni smiled, "He's a tough old man though; he just worries about you."

Eriana wrapped her arms around her cousin, "Thank you for taking care of him, and if you think it's best that he stays in Denerim, then that's what we'll do. I think he'll be safer with you, and I promise, when we come in two months for the celebration, you all will see a new and improved Eriana."

"And if we don't we're locking you up in the alienage and keeping you until you're better."

"Deal."

Shianni smiled and pulled her cousin back to her side, holding her until Alistair returned with dinner. "Well, I'll leave you two alone," Shianni said, scurrying out of the bed. "I need to check on Uncle Cyrion anyway; he's been taking a nap since lunch. I'm sure he's ready for dinner, now." She gave her a quick kiss on the forehead before disappearing out of the room.

"So, Alistair," Eriana said, sitting up so that he could put the tray over her legs, "what did you bring me?"

"I was going to make you some of my famous Ferelden rabbit stew, you know they gray gloppy goo that you loved so much during the blight."

Eriana raised an eyebrow, "Really, I thought the whole purpose of you going to get my food was so that I wouldn't get sick. That stuff that you made me sick even on my best days."

Alistair chuckled, "Ouch, how you wound me, my Ana." He spread out her food on the tray. "Here's some chicken soup, bread, fruit, and, of course, some cheese."

She stared at the tray for a minute, rearranging the food before Alistair reached over and grabbed her spoon. "Eat," he said, shaking the spoon menacingly at her. "Unless you want me to feed you."

Eriana rolled her eyes and slowly started to eat, aware of Alistair's watchful stare. The food felt heavy on her tender stomach, but she forced herself to eat, the haunting image from the mirror compelling her to eat as much as she could. She had managed to finish off about half of the food Alistair had brought before her churning stomach told her that she had eaten enough. Putting the tray on the table beside her, she settled back down into the pillows and started idly playing with Antivan coin she wore around her neck as she let her mind wander.

"What's that?" Alistair asked, nodding toward the necklace. "You've worn it for a while, but I never knew why."

Eriana looked down at the damaged coin in her hand, her mind going back to the night at camp when she had received it…

_Zevran was sitting behind her, his hands gently massaging her shoulders. They had spent the better part of their watch talking about her compassion and empathy for others and how she could let her emotions get the better of her at times._

_"Is it hard, Zev; being a Crow, I mean?" she asked, turning to look up at him. "And I don't mean the killing people; I know your feelings about that. I mean, is it hard to go through life without that kind of closeness?"_

_"For me, no, not exactly, but I did begin my training very young. I was only six when the Crows bought me from the whores, and since then, I have been taught to forego feelings of love and affection. I find pleasures where they can be had, and that's all I expect from life. It would be a very hard life for someone such as you, someone who cares so much about those around her."_

_"Sometimes I wish for that," she said. "I wish for a life where I don't care so much for people; then it wouldn't hurt so much to lose them. I feel like my life thus far has been consumed by loss, the loss of my mother, my brother, my home; and I feel every one of those losses. Sometimes I wish I could shut it out, numb myself to it."_

_Zevran slipped off the log and onto the ground behind her, putting his arms around her. "No, you don't wish that," he whispered into her ear. He pulled out a golden coin and placed it in her hand, "Tell me, what do you see here?"_

_"It's a coin," she said, unsure where he was going with this._

_"No, look at the coin. What do you see?"_

_She held the coin up in front of her. It was Antivan, no doubt about that. One side of the coin had an image of some kind of flower that she did not recognize. Turning it over in her hand, she noticed the second side had a man's picture stamped into it, but it scratched up so badly that she couldn't make out the man's features. "One side is beautiful while the other side is scarred and damaged. I don't understand," she said, handing it back to him._

_Zevran placed the coin, scarred side up, in the palm of her hand and ran his thumb around the edges of it as he cradled her hand. "This side has been damaged; it has endured great hardship that has permanently scarred it, changed it in much the way the hardships in your life have changed you. You have endured much hurt and felt much pain in your life, and that, in part, has made you who you are. When you care about people in your life, you inevitability suffer the pain of loss." _

_Then he turned the coin over in her hand so she could see the other side. "But with that loss comes so much more. You forget that there is another side to the pain, there is the love, the joy. You wouldn't feel the loss if you didn't have something worth losing, no?" He closed her hand around the coin and pulled her tightly to his chest. "I have heard you talk about your memories of your family, and I know that you wouldn't trade them for the world. You once asked me if I had ever known joy in my life; I have not, not in the way you have. To be a Crow, I gave up those kinds of feelings so that I could be a more efficient killer, but you, you have experienced love and joy the likes of which I have never and will never know. I ask you this, would you sacrifice those moments to be rid of the pain because you cannot have one without the other."_

That moment has stuck with her, so much so that she had asked a blacksmith in Orzammar to put the coin on a chain for her so that she could wear it always, a reminder that there was always another side to her pain. And for a while, she had believed that, had held on to the belief that though she suffered, there was some good that would come of it. She wasn't so sure she believed that anymore.

Sighing to herself, she related the story back to Alistair. "That makes sense, you know, what he said. Without something to love, it wouldn't hurt to lose it."

Eriana shrugged, looking down at the coin in her hand. "I don't know if I believe that anymore. My life has had some good moments, but it's definitely not been equal parts pain and pleasure, not by a long shot." She took a deep breath and looked up at him. "I think my life is more like a magnet than this coin, and every time something good happens or I start to get happy, I attract something bad. And the more happy I get, the bigger the suffering that comes with it."

"Ana, you know that's not the case."

"No, I've thought a lot about it. Just think about it. I have a happy childhood, well as happy a childhood as one could have in the alienage, and then my brother dies. My cousins move in with me, and all of a sudden, there's life and laughter in the house again, and that lasts for a while. So what happens? My mother is killed, and I'm forced to work in the tavern where I'm abused and harassed for years. Then came my marriage. I was excited about that, happy that I would have someone to take care of me, so once again, something bad happens. I'm abducted, my husband is killed, and I'm conscripted into the Grey Wardens who are then all lost in Ostagar. But, somehow, I manage to get my life back on track. I find you and some happiness there only to have that taken when Eamon forces me to end things."

"Wait, what's this about Eamon? What are you talking about?"

"Well, he suggested it, demanded it, really, when he started talking about making you the king; I already knew it would be necessary, though. He just made sure I realized it." Eriana put a hand on his arm. "It was for the best, really. If we'd have stayed together, you would have been tainted by my bad luck. You would have probably been killed by the archdemon or something. Trust me, you're lucky I ended things with you; things don't end well for people in relationships with me; I'm bad luck."

"You know I don't believe that, and even if I did, you would be worth the risk." He pushed her hair back cupping her face in his hand, "I wish you would have told me, or talked to me about it, at least instead of just making the decision for both of us. I would have fought for you; you know that, right? I don't care about what Eamon thinks; I didn't care then and I don't care now."

"I know, Alistair. He was right, though; this was for the best," she said leaning against his hand.

"For who?"

"For everyone but us." Eriana said softy as she reluctantly pulled away from his touch. "I can't think about what I want because what I want doesn't matter, and any time I get what I want, it just blows up in my face. Well, never again. I just can't hurt anymore, Alistair, and I can't risk putting myself out there again. It just hurts too much, and the reward just isn't worth the risk. All I can do is put my life back together as best I can and hope it doesn't fall apart again."

"Are you sure that's what you want, a life alone without ever feeling loved?"

"It's not what I want, but it's what I need. I just can't take getting hurt again. The pain just isn't worth the risk. I don't think I could survive another heartbreak like this; I'm pretty sure it would break me completely."

"But, Ana, this isn't like you, and who's to say that there isn't happiness out there for you. I mean, isn't that part of living, taking risks, putting your feelings out there. Doesn't that make life worth living?"

"Not when the loss hurts this much. I'd rather live a life free of love than risk feeling this kind of pain ever again. I can find pleasure in life without emotional connections, right? Ze…he managed it when he was a Crow, and so can I."

"But he didn't, not really. He fell for you despite his training; we could all see it, and you loved him, too. Even with all his training to harden himself, he wasn't able to resist it because it was real."

"If it was so real, why did he leave? If he loved me, then he would have stayed," she shouted, tears coming to her eyes. "I've lost everything, Alistair. Look at me, does it look like I can go through this again?" She took a deep breath to try to calm herself a bit.

"I know it hurts right now, and I know you can't imagine anything making it better," Alistair said, pulling her into a tight hug, "But you are strong, Ana, and you will make it through this. I know you can't imagine it right now, but this can't last forever. Some good will come of this, I know it." Eriana didn't say anything; she just sobbed, letting all her emotions overwhelm her as she cried into his chest. "You're not alone in this, Ana; I'm here for you; Oghren is here; your family is here. We'll help you get through this, I swear."

"I hope you're right; I just don't know," she said, sitting back. "I just can't imagine ever feeling whole again."

Alistair was about to respond when there was a light knock on the door. "Come in," Eriana said, quickly wiping away the tears from her cheeks. Nathaniel opened the door, giving them a slight smile as he walked across the room.

"It's good to see you up and eating again, Ana. I…we were starting to worry."

"Thank you, Nathaniel, not just for checking up on me, but for taking care of everything. It's been tough, but the worst may be over. I think I might be on the mend now."

"That's good to hear." The rogue started to fidget nervously before reaching in his pocket and pulling out a small, leather pouch. "We weren't sure what you would want to do with the ashes, so I collected them so that you could decide."

Eriana took the pouch from him, caressing it for a moment as she looked down at it. Here were her daughter's remains, the only thing that she had left to remind her of Asala's short life. Her breath caught as she tried to hold back tears. "It was my fault," she whispered without looking up from the small pouch that rested in her hands. Sighing, she gently caressed the smooth leather, a single tear escaping and running down her cheek. "On some level I knew; I had to have known."

"Ana," Alistair said, putting a comforting hand on her knee. "There's no way…"

"Oh, yes there was, Alistair. I should have seen it, but I was too blind to it. I didn't want to see it; didn't want to even consider it. Even when Nathaniel suggested that I might be pregnant, I refused to even acknowledge that it might be a possibility. I mean, the signs were all there, even before I got here, before he left. The nausea when I ate, the fatigue; it was there, plain as day."

"Yeah, the signs are obvious looking back on them, but with everything that you were dealing with, I'm sure it was easy enough to miss," Alistair said.

"No, that's just it; I don't think it was easy to miss. Like I said, I think I knew it on some level; that's why I never let Anders examine me and why I avoided the issue when Nate brought it up. I didn't want to admit that I might be carrying Ze…his child. If I had known, then it would have been all I would have been able to think about. It would have been a constant reminder of what I had lost, and I don't think I could have handled that. He was too much on my mind as it was, so I ignored it. I blinded myself to it, and as a result, I killed my baby."

"Now, wait, a moment, you did nothing of the sort." Nathaniel said, coming up to stand behind Alistair. "There were a lot of things that happened, not the least of which was that crazy brood mother. She injured you, and that caused the miscarriage, not something you did. You couldn't have prevented that."

"Yes I could have. Think about it, Nathaniel; if I had known I was pregnant, then I wouldn't have thrown myself into the melee combat like that. I would have hung back with you and Anders and attacked from a distance. She only caught me because I was right there in the thick of things. I would have been more careful, taken better care of myself, and then, maybe, just maybe she would have been strong enough."

"There's no way of knowing that, Ana."

She shook her head and looked back down at the ashes. "I wish I could believe you, but this one is on me and I know it. Nothing you can say is going to convince me otherwise. It's my fault, and I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life living with that. Now, da'len," she said to herself, tenderly stroking the pouch. "What am I going to do with you?" Custom said she should scatter the ashes, but she couldn't bear the thought of releasing just her daughter's ashes to the four winds. "Nathaniel, could you hand me that box that's sitting behind you?"

Nathaniel nodded and handed her the engraved wooden box that had once upon a time belonged to his mother. Pushing back the lid, Eriana looked down into the empty box, and after bringing the pouch to her lips one last time, she laid it inside, stroking it lightly a few more times. Before closing the box, she reached up and took the chain from around her neck. She ran her finger around the coin one last time before putting the coin in the box beside her daughter's remains. A pang of regret coursed through her as the necklace's absence left her neck feeling strangely naked. With a sudden feeling of resolve, she reached up and touched the diamond earring in her ear and almost took it out to place it beside the pouch and necklace, but couldn't quite bring herself to do it. With a sigh, she closed the box and handed it back to Nathaniel. "Put that away somewhere where I won't see it every day. I want it close, but I can't look at it every day."

Nathaniel nodded and turned to stash the box for her. While his back was turned, Alistair leaned in again.

"Ana, are you sure about that? You've been wearing that necklace for long time."

She nodded, "I can't bear to wear it anymore, Alistair; it represents something that I simply don't believe in anymore. If I was stronger, I'd just throw it out. I guess in a way it's appropriate that it is with her, after all, they are both ideas and dreams that I've lost. It's appropriate that they stay together."

"Eriana, if there's nothing else you need," Nathaniel said, patting her hand, "I'll let you get some rest." He nodded toward the tray of half eaten food. "I can take that down for you, too, if you'd like, Your Majesty." Alistair nodded and handed the rogue the remains of her dinner.

"Thank you, Nathaniel," Eriana said, giving him a weak smile. He smiled back at her before disappearing from the room. Once he was gone, the young elf dropped back on her pillows, emotionally and physically exhausted.

"Do you think you could get some more sleep, Ana?"

"Maybe," she whispered, looking up at him, her eyes shining with new tears. "Alistair, do you think you could stay here, just for tonight. I don't think I could bear to be alone tonight."

"Of course, whatever you need."

Eriana nodded and moved over, giving he King room to join her in the bed. Once he was settled in beside her, Eriana snuggled up against him, her head resting lightly on his chest, reveling in the way his strong arms felt as they wrapped around her. Maker, how she had missed this feeling of being warm and secure, wrapped in the arms of one who would protect you. And though they weren't the arms she craved, they were enough to ease the pain, to fill the void left by Zevran if only for a little. So there, wrapped in the arms of her brother, her King, and her protector, Eriana fell into a deep and blissfully dreamless sleep.

-0-

_Okay, so I know I've had like three chapters in a row of angst, angst, angst, but I felt each scene was important. Eriana had to come to terms with her role in this and had to get a handle on her suffering. She also had to make an important step in the process of moving on, something that she hasn't really been able to do yet. (The Anders thing was mainly driven by pregnancy hormones and the need for comfort, not true emotion…not yet at least)_

_Anyway, new and original story line stuff coming up, as well as an Ana who is purposefully trying to get on the right track._

_Thank you for reading and reviewing. I hope that it hasn't been too much of the sad stuff; I promise I'll be moving on in the next chapter._


	32. Chapter 32

Eriana sighed as she flipped through the stack of papers that Nathaniel had left for her to look over. Thanks to Petra, she had been stuck in her bedroom for a week now, and she was seriously about to go crazy. Alistair and her family had left two days after the funeral, once they were sure Eriana was on the path to healing. Alistair had been a constant fixture at her side, and that, more than anything, had given her the strength to get her life back on track. Eriana missed him immensely, but she knew that he had other things to take care of. Besides, being around those she loved had really been good for her. She was eating again, and, despite Petra's objections, she was starting to move around to build up her strength again. Her face has started to lose that hollow, shrunken look, and Nathaniel had stopped looking at her like she was about to fall apart at any moment. He had actually started bringing her paperwork to look over while she was still bed ridden.

"Petra, I don't understand why I have to say in here," Eriana said, not even bothering to keep the whine out of her voice. "I mean, I wouldn't be moving around much in my office. I promise to behave."

Petra laughed and shook her head. "Bed rest for at least another week, and don't think I don't realize that you are getting up and exercising when I'm not here," she said, shaking her finger at the elf. "I'm tempted to tack another week on for that."

Eriana threw her head back against the pillows with a groan. "You know, there's this thing called Grey Warden stamina, maybe you've heard of it. I'm sure going to my office to work won't set me back."

"Commander, the moment I let you out of this room, you'll be down in the practice yards, trying to oversee training, or running around, inspecting the repairs to the keep, and before you know it, you're right back in bed because you've overexerted yourself." Petra sighed and patted her on the arm. "I know this is frustrating for your, Eriana, but you've been through something very traumatic. Your body needs to rest and heal. Grey Warden or no."

"But I'm going crazy in here!"

"I know, but it's only another week. You'll survive; I promise."

"Why did I ever recruit you?" Eriana grumbled picking up the papers from her nightstand and flipping through them again. 

Petra laughed, "Because you needed a healer, and you know how good I am."

Eriana shrugged, "You've got me there, and I guess I'd be wise to listen to you. You did save my life after all." Petra nodded, a smile still on her face. "I do appreciate everything you did, for me Petra; really I do. It's just…"

"Sitting in here day after day makes you want to tear you hair out, right?" Eriana nodded and gave a weak laugh. "You'll be alright, I swear. It might be good for you to learn how to relax, a bit, you know. You've been going nonstop for two years now; a few weeks off will do you some good. I'll check on you later. If, and that's a big if, if you behave, you might get out of here in a few days. Then I'll let Nathaniel tell you where he's hidden your bow and armor. I'm not letting you near those daggers, though, for at least two weeks."

"Okay, I'll behave. I just want to put all this behind me and move on," Eriana said with a sigh, being careful not to let her eyes dart over to the wardrobe where Nathaniel had stashed the small wooden box that held her daughter's remains. Turning her attention back to the papers in front of her, Eriana began to read the reports coming in from all over the arling. The taint had receded from the lands almost immediately, which was a bit of unexpected but very good news. Planting time was still four months away, so the land would be in great shape once it came time to begin sowing next year's crops. Luckily, the worst of the attacks came after the harvest, so the arling had plenty of food to last through the winter. Nathaniel and Brendan were making arrangements for housing for families whose homes were destroyed, but Eriana still needed to make decisions about the redistribution of land. She had lost several banns both to the failed conspiracy against her and to the darkspawn attacks. Some of the farm lands could be managed by those who had proven their loyalty to her and the freeholders until the next time the council convened in the spring, but the Wardens had been forced to take over stewardship of the main part of Esmerelle's lands which included the city of Amaranthine. That meant that the Wardens were now responsible for overseeing and paying for the repairs to the city as well as those needed at the Keep. Funds were tight already, and Eriana had no idea how they were going to pay for both.

"Winter is a bad time to levy a new tax," she muttered to Nathaniel who had just walked, a new stack of papers in his hands.

"What's that?"

"We need money to repair the city and the keep, and we're close to being broke as it is. I hate to impose a tax on people, but we need the money. It's just…winter is hard enough as it is, and these people have been through so much here lately, I'm afraid a tax might just be too much for them. But I can't see another option. Can you?"

"A tax is the logical way to go, that's true, but we don't have to tax the people. We can tax imports, set up a toll in the ports or the roads, things like that."

"I would be afraid that tariffs like that would simply encourage sailors and traders to bypass us for Highever or Denerim. We need their business to keep us going, especially through the winter." She sighed and threw the papers down to the bottom of her bed and cradled her head in her hands. "What am I doing, Nathaniel? I have no idea how to run an arling."

Nathaniel laughed, "And I do?"

"You should, didn't you get training in this sort of thing?"

"Not in running an arling the way you would want to," he said, sitting down on the edge of her bed. "If my father was in this situation, he wouldn't hesitate to tax his people. He would bleed them dry then demand more. It's what made him who he was." He pushed her hair back off her face as he smiled down at her. "The fact that you would even consider the effect your decisions would have on your people makes you more of a leader than he ever was. We'll figure something out."

"I hope so." She glanced out the window and took a deep breath. "You know, we could send some people down into Kal' Hirol; there was a lot of lyrium down there. We could make some kind of deal with Orzammar, help them clear out the deeproads around there for a cut of the lyrium trade that comes out of there." Nathaniel started chuckling. "What?"

"I'm sure there's not an arl in Ferelden who would consider that," he said, putting an arm around her. "And that's what makes you special. Now, why don't you let me look over those papers? You have some mail to read."

Eriana flipped through the envelopes, inspecting the seals on the front before opening them. Only one of the seals seemed familiar. "Nate, isn't this the seal of Rainesfere?" she asked, holding up the letter. Nathaniel nodded. "Huh, I wonder what Teagan wants," she muttered to herself, breaking the seal and skimming the letter's contents.

_My Warden and Dear Friend, _

_I just arrived in Denerim to help with the preparations for the one year anniversary celebration, and Alistair informed me about your plight. I was so sorry to hear of your loss as well as the difficulties you and your order faced. You deserve so much more than what fate has doled out for you, but have faith. I'm sure things will get better._

_Though I am unable to assist you with your personal tragedy, I may be of some assistance with the troubles facing you and your arling. Rainesere did not suffer a great deal of damage during the blight, so most of our workers have completed the necessary repairs on my estate and cities. You need their services far more than I do, so I will be sending about thirty strong workers your way within the week. I realize that your funds are likely tight with the large amounts of repairs you are doubtlessly facing, so I will be providing for their food and lodging. Consider it my long overdue thanks for the great service you did for my family and me during the blight. _

_Enclosed is a letter for my foreman as well as some funds that should cover their first three months' lodging. I will be sending more back with you after the celebration. Please let me know if there is any more that I can do for you. I can't wait to see you when you return to Denerim in a few months. _

_Sincerely Yours,_

_Teagan Guerrin_

Eriana's eyes were full of tears by the time she reached the end of the letter. "What, what's wrong," Nathaniel said, rushing to her side. "Is it Alistair, your father?" Shaking her head, Eriana handed him the letter, watching as he read it. "See," he said once he finished, "didn't I tell you things would work out. Thirty workers, wow, that will cut the time we need to complete the city nearly in half."

"And he's paying for their lodging, which means we can pay our citizens to house the workers. We'll make arrangements for them to eat together in the chantry to cut the cost of food. Oh, Nathaniel, this is just what we needed."

And it didn't stop there. Over the next week, arls and banns from all over Ferelden began sending aid to Amaranthine. The keep was flooded with workers, supplies, and gold from all over the nation. Even King Bhelen sent some support along with the promise of workers from Orzammar.

_I've implemented a program that will help clean up Dust Town as well as make use of those undiscovered talents who were unlucky enough to be born there. We've started training some of the casteless in masonry and metalsmithing to prepare them for a life on the surface. I hope that giving some of the Dusters an occupation will help clear out Dust Town a bit and cut down on carta activity; it will also help with surface relations. These are good people; they were just unfortunate to be born of the wrong caste. I think they can do some good on the surface, and this will be a good chance for them to get started. I'll be sending along two masons and two smiths along sit thirty or so Dusters in the next few weeks. _

_Send word next time you are out recruiting, and we will commission a proving for you. I hope to see you soon, my friend._

_Bhelen Aeducan_

Eriana had been quick in her reply to the dwarven king, thanking him for the assistance, and telling him about the thaig they had discovered.

The assistance didn't stop with the nobility either, commoners and freeholders also sent letters what little they could spare, all expressing their gratitude toward the Wardens for shielding them yet again from another darkspawn threat. It seemed that the memories from the blight were still fresh on the minds of every Ferelden. The outpouring of love and gratitude was a bit overwhelming for the emotionally drained elf, who, as a result of the constant support, was constantly on the verge of tears.

"By the stone, kid, you've got to get a hold of yourself," Oghren groaned when her big blue eyes began to tear up upon reading the letter from Bann Alfstanna who had apparently written a very personal, heart wrenching letter. "I've got something I'd like to ask you before Petra lets you out and you get all busy again."

"Sorry," she said, wiping her tears, "I just can't believe this many people cared about us. It's just a bit overwhelming."

"Maker's Breath, you'll be inconsolable at the one year anniversary. You do realize that it is a party that will be entirely focused on you and celebrating you, right?"

"Hopefully I'll be a little less emotional by then," Eriana said. "It's just been a trying last few weeks, and all this has been a bit much to process, you know. I'm not usually this emotional anyway. So, you have something you wanted to ask me."

"Yeah, it's about Felsi. I was hoping that, since things have settled down a bit, that I could move her out here with me."

"Of course," Eriana said immediately. "Oghren, I would be thrilled to have her here. In all honesty, I was surprised you left her in the first place. You two seemed so happy together."

"We were happy, and we still are. It just felt wrong, staying away. We talked about it before I came; she agreed that I belonged here. I mean, working in Alistair's army was all well and good, but I never really fit in. They were all too tall for my tastes. Besides, I missed you; you're a lot more fun than those army types." Eriana smiled, rolling her eyes at the dwarf. "Now, there's that smile, I was wondering when I'd see it again."

"Yeah, it's hard to smile when you spend all your time on the verge of tears, you know." She patted the dwarf on the arm. "Oghren, despite the fact I would never have asked this of you, you know, taking on this burden; I'm so thankful that you are here; I don't know where I would be without you. And I would love it if Felsi joined us here."

Oghren smiled at her and covered her smaller hand with his. "Great, and, um, there's one more thing," Oghren said, and for some reason, he seemed uncharacteristically nervous all of a sudden. "You see Felsi is expectin' and the healers say it's going to be a girl."

"Oh, Oghren, that's wonderful news," Eriana said, trying to be genuine in her congratulations despite the sudden pain that surged through her chest.

"Yeah, I can't believe it myself, me a dad. Heh, what am I supposed to do with a girl? But we were thinkin, since you played a big part in us getting together and all, and seein as how I wouldn't really be anyone worth anything if it weren't for you. Well, we were thinking of naming her Anna, after you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, we want to call her Anna. We would call her Eriana, but, four syllables, by the stone, your name is a mouth full. There's not a dwarf in Orzammar that could pronounce it properly," he said with a laugh. "You don't mind, do ya?"

Eriana's eyes filled with tears, "Of course not, Oghren…I'm touched."

"And there go the waterworks again. Look, you're one of my closest friends in the world, and I owe you more than I could ever express. I'd still be a washed up drunk if it wasn't for you. The least I can do is name my kid after ya, and if she grows up to be half the woman that you are, then she'll be better off than most people I know."

"Oghren, you always think too much of me."

"No, I'm one of the few people who really sees you." He smiled and patted her leg, "Now, let's go get you something to eat; you're finally starting to look like your old self again."

"You know, there are times when I actually feel like my old self, if only for a little while," she said with a sigh. She said it with as much sincerity as she could muster, hoping that one day it would be completely true.

-0-

Soris was perched on the fence surrounding the archery yard in the training yard of Vigil's Keep, watching as Eriana went through a series of exercises with Nathaniel. It was the first day that Petra had allowed her to return to a regular training regimen, and the weeks of inactivity had definitely taken a toll on his cousin. There was a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead and a few drops that rolled down her back as she focused intently on the targets in front of her. Her accuracy with the bow was still spot on, but her speed and endurance were definitely not what they used to be. Nathaniel stood beside her, encouraging her and offering advice when appropriate, but it was going to take time for her to get back to her old form, a fact that the young elf found extremely frustrating. Soris could see it on her face.

He had been standing there for a while, keeping a close eye on her, making sure that she didn't push herself too hard, when Oghren strolled up beside him. "So, how's she doing?" Oghren asked, taking a long swig from his hip flask.

"She looks good," Soris responded, turning to look down at the dwarf. "It'll take her a little while to completely recover, but she's well on her way."

"I wasn't talkin about her shootin', kid, I can see that," he said, spitting on the ground beside him. "I mean, really how's she doing?"

Soris shrugged, "I'm not completely sure, to tell you the truth. She doesn't really talk too much about her feelings. She's dealing with them, better than she did before, and this time I think she's got it in her mind that she wants to get better. And you know how she is when she gets it in her mind to do something."

"Yeah I know," Oghren replied, shooting a critical look back at the two rogues. "I was wondering something, how long's it been since you've seen her smile?"

Soris sighed, "Since Alistair and Cyrion left. You?"

"Yeah, about the same," Oghren grumbled. "And that's not really like her, you know. She usually smiles more than any person I had ever met before."

"Give it some time, Oghren. I'm sure the old Eriana will be back soon enough. She's a tough one, my cousin."

"And she can hear you," Eriana said. The two men turned to find a very annoyed elf staring at them, her hip cocked and arms folded across her chest. Nathaniel stood beside her, and equally annoyed look on his face

"Yeah, I know you can. Why do you think I chose to have this conversation down here in the first place?"

"So you wanted to annoy me on purpose? Great," Eriana said as she rolled her eyes. "Look, I know you guys are worried, but I'm doing the best I can. I'm eating more, I'm getting my old strength back, I'm even sleeping at night, so don't push me." She turned and grabbed the arrows that one of the squires had collected for her and turned back to the archery range. "And for your information, I'll smile when something makes me happy."

"Fair enough," Oghren said, leaning on the fence beside Soris to watch the rest of the practice session. Eriana and Nathaniel continued to work on her archery, as Petra had expressly forbidden any work with daggers or swords. As he watched the two rogues work, Soris noticed something he found very interesting. Back when they lived in the Alienage and even when they spent time together after the blight, Eriana had always been extremely uncomfortable around human men, with the exception of Alistair, of course. Of course she had good reason to be uncomfortable around them, though; they hadn't exactly made her youth easy, by any means. But now, Soris could see a distinct difference in her behavior. Instead of pulling away from contact with Nathaniel, she seemed to almost seek it out, leaning into his touch instead of shying away from it. He was wondering what had caused the change when Eriana suddenly stopped in the middle of a drill, a strange look crossing her face. For a moment she looked confused, closing her eyes as if she were trying to concentrate on a distant sound or something. Then a huge smile crossed her face. Slinging her bow across her back, Eriana suddenly took off, darting through the training yard and into the main courtyard of the keep. The three men just stood there for a moment before Nathaniel grabbed his bow and took off after her.

Soris and Oghren were quick to follow; although, Soris wasn't sure what he could do if they were being attacked by something. It wasn't like he was armed or anything. "Do you sense anything," he hissed down to the dwarf.

Oghren shook his head. "No, but she's a lot better as feeling that stuff than I am. I don't think it's darkspawn, though. That wasn't her let's go kill some darkspawn smile," he said as they entered the courtyard.

There they found Eriana being pinned to the ground as a massive but familiar russet mass of fur took great pleasure in licking every inch of her face. From the ground, Eriana giggled as she managed to wrestle the huge dog off of her, pushing it to the ground beside her. Once she had gotten herself into a sitting position, she threw her arms around the massive beast and buried her head into the fur on his neck, a huge smile on her face. "Oh, I have missed you boy, yes I have," she said, speaking in a voice Soris was quite sure he had never heard before.

"Does she always talk like that around him?" he asked, shooting Oghren a questioning look. Oghren rolled his eyes and nodded.

Ramoth, who had just finished thoroughly sniffing Eriana, sat down in front of her and cocked his head, giving her a soft, questioning whine.

"Yeah, boy, he's not here," she whispered down to the dog, scratching him behind the ear. Ramoth nudged her abdomen with his nose, whining up at her again. "Yeah, she's not here either." Ramoth jumped up on his hind legs, putting his massive paws on the small elf's shoulders, knocking her down and licking her face again. Eriana laughed, "I know boy, I know."

Soris was so fascinated by the exchange between his cousin and her dog that he missed the sound of approaching horses. It wasn't until Oghren nudged him that he noticed the company on horseback that had just entered the gates of the keep. "I'm surprised I was able to keep Ramoth with me as long as I did," the leader of the company said, once he brought his horse to a stop beside Eriana. "I'm sure he realized we were coming to see you because he's been a ball of energy since we left Highever. Once we crossed your scent, it was all I could do to keep him from running off. When we got close enough for him to actually sense you, it was all over. He took off like a dog possessed."

"What can I say," Eriana said, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping mabari slobber off her face. "I guess he really missed me."

"Well, he wasn't the only one," the young man said, hopping off the horse and gathering his cousin into a huge hug. Soris was shocked when Eriana didn't flinch at the man's contact; quite the opposite, in fact, just as she had done with Nathaniel, she leaned into it like she enjoyed it. He looked at the unknown human holding his cousin. He was obviously a nobleman, judging by the expensive riding leathers he wore and the small party of guards that accompanied him. The nobleman was handsome and young, with bright green eyes and dirty blonde hair and the type of build that used to send Eriana running the other way.

"Who is that," Soris asked the dwarf beside him. Oghren shrugged.

"Aedan Cousland," Nathaniel supplied, appearing beside them. "Fergus Cousland's younger brother and the only survivor of my father's attack on Highever." Soris and Oghren both turned and looked at him. "Yeah, I'm wondering if I should be here, too."

Eriana's voice drew their attention back to the reunion. She had pulled away from him, but hadn't removed herself completely from Aedan's embrace. "Not that I'm not thrilled to see you, and don't take this the wrong way, but what are you doing here? I wasn't expecting you for another month and a half at least."

"Ah, now that's the good part. When Fergus and I got word about what happened, we decided that you could use all the help you can get, so he sent me ahead to help you get things reorganized here. I know you lost Varel in the attack, and you probably lost most of your household staff as well." Eriana nodded. "Well, we figured that you would have the rebuilding pretty well in hand, what with all the supplies and workers provided by the rest of Ferelden, so we decided to help you get the keep back in order since we figured that would be the last of your priorities."

Eriana smiled up at the nobleman. "That's true. Losing Varel has been hard. Garevel has been doing a good job in his stead, but he's a military man. We've been making due here, but we need to hire almost an entirely new staff."

"Now you see, that's where I come in. Fergus sent me ahead with the staff for our Denerim estate. They're going to stay here the rest of the month and help you get a new staff trained and organized before they head into Denerim to get things set up for us." As he spoke, a huge caravan of wagons and carriages rolled into the keep. "Ah, perfect timing," Aedan said, taking Eriana by the arm and leading her to the first carriage. "Here is someone I want you to meet. Eriana, this is Miranda, the head of our Denerim estate."

All of a sudden, Soris' world seemed to shift and he missed everything Aedan Cousland was saying to his cousin. Out of the carriage stepped the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Long dark hair cascaded down her back in tight ringlets. Pale blue eyes shone out from alabaster skin. It didn't even matter that she was human and probably way out of his league; Soris couldn't look at anything else. Then his heart nearly stopped when her eyes locked momentarily on his, giving him a small smile before demurely looking away.

"Soris, Soris. Hey Soris!" Eriana shouted. "Come over here for a minute." Soris blinked and shook his head. He had been so caught up in looking at this raven-haired beauty that he had completely lost track of the conversation between his cousin and the Cousland boy. Shaking his head, he strolled over to his cousin. "Soris has been taking care of a lot of the household stuff, so, Miranda, you two should work together to get things organized." His cousin gave him an odd look. "Would that be okay?"

Soris wasn't sure what he said in response. He had meant to say, "Of course, that sounds like an excellent plan. I'd be happy to show Miranda the ropes." But it came out more like "Um, yea, so, okay, sounds good." Eriana glanced at him for a moment before rolling her eyes and turning back to the human.

"So Soris and Miranda will get your people settled in, and I will show you and your men to your quarters," Eriana said. "Soris, could you have someone bring up Aedan's things to the guest room?"

Soris nodded and watched as his cousin disappeared into the castle before turning back to Miranda who was waiting for him, a demure smile still on her face, and for the first time in months, he didn't feel worried about his cousin. Suddenly there were more pressing matters on his mind.

-0-

Aedan didn't really say anything to Eriana until they had reached his rooms, a fact for which she was eternally grateful. Once they were inside, Aedan grabbed her again and pulled her into another hug. "Aedan, I just want to warn you, I'm covered in mabari slobber."

"And I'm covered in road grime; I'd say that makes us even," he said, looking down at her, his bright green eyes full of concern. "So, honestly, how are you doing?"

"I've been better," she said, giving her standard reply, "but I've been worse too."

Aedan smiled down at her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, allowing his finger to brush lightly against it as he pulled away. Eriana involuntarily shivered at his touch. "Have you heard anything from him?"

Eriana shook her head. "No, not a word. It's like he dropped off the face of the world."

"I find that so hard to believe. Why hasn't he contacted you?" Eriana shrugged. "How about the Crows, have they been a problem since he left?"

Eriana laughed, "Yes and no. I've been attacked twice since he disappeared," Eriana smiled as Aedan gave a frustrated growl, "but I don't think either of the attacks were sanctioned by the guild."

"How can you tell?"

"I know how the Crows operate, and one of them told me as much." She pulled out of his embrace and made her way over to the couch. Aedan followed and sat down beside her. "Honestly, so many other people and things have been trying to kill me here lately, the Crows are the least of my concerns." She sighed as he sat down beside her. "Though I don't think that the nobility is going to be a problem anymore, I can't help but be concerned. Our defenses are down at the moment what with all the repairs that are going on here. If someone was going to attack, now would be the time to do it, though I don't think I need to worry about the Crows specifically."

"Well, I'm here now, and I can keep them off of you if you like. In fact, I'd personally be willing to provide full-time surveillance should the need arise," Aedan said with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

Eriana glanced up at him and rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you would be more than willing, but I should be fine. Nathaniel and Oghren keep a pretty close eye on me." She glanced over at the nobleman the instant she said Nathaniel's name. He flinched slightly, but didn't say anything. "Is that going to be a problem, him being here?"

Aedan shook his head. "No, like I said in my letter, Nathaniel and I were friends when we were younger; it's just weird seeing him again. I look at him, and I see his father staring back at me. That's why I couldn't bring myself to talk to him down in the courtyard."

"I understand, I could have him stay in Amaranthine if it would make things easier."

"No, no, his place is here. It'll take some getting used to; that's all. And if it's the price I have to pay to spend time with you, then so be it." Eriana smiled, feeling her face redden slightly as a blush crept up her neck. "Now, I'm going to go wash the road grime off of me. Then we can get together and start getting this place back in order, okay."

"Sounds like a plan," Eriana said, getting to her feet and heading toward the door. "And Aedan," she said, turning back around. "I'm really glad you're here."

"Me too, Eriana; me too."

-0-

Jen, this is for you; I know you've been eager to see Aedan again. I changed Oghren's family story around a bit – him running out on Felsi didn't quite fit the Oghren I created, so I changed it up a bit.

On another note, I just started a Hawke/Cullen story called "Broken Vows, Broken Promises." If you're interested, check out the link on my profile! I'll try not to let it pull me away from Ferelden too much. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Your support really keeps me going.


	33. Chapter 33

Eriana woke up to a warm comforting presence in the bed beside her. Sighing to herself, the elf breathed in the warm, musky smell of her companion, relishing the company and the feeling of a hot body in the bed beside her after waking up so many mornings to a cold, empty bed. Rolling over, she threw an arm across the furry body of her bed mate, getting a low, disgruntled growl in response. Eriana laughed as she scratched Ramoth behind the ears as the mabari yawned and rolled over, pressing his body against her and his nose into the crook of her neck. "Okay, okay, cold nose, cold nose; sorry I woke you," she muttered, pushing the dog off of her so that she could get out of bed.

Waking up next to her mabari had done wonders for Eriana; in fact, her nightmares had nearly stopped all together. She hadn't quite had the chance to process just how much she had missed Ramoth's constant presence, what with Zevran disappearing nearly the same week, but now that he was back by her side, the young elf realized just how big a hole the dog's absence had left. Having him back was like having a lost limb reattached. She could never explain it to someone who wasn't a mabari owner, someone who didn't share in the unique bond that formed when a dog imprinted on you. You could feel your animal's presence and at times it's emotions as well. In fact, that was what alerted Eriana to Ramoth's arrival. While she was trying to focus on her archery, she felt a sudden surge of pure excitement and anticipation accompanied with an overwhelming desire to find something. The moment she realized what she was feeling, it was as if a void has suddenly been filled in her soul, a void she didn't even realize existed. And Ramoth's presence had made all the other voids seem a bit less empty. He was a constant presence at her side; and after just a day, she wondered how she ever got on without him.

Sitting down at her dressing table, Eriana began to mentally go over the events for the day. It was the same as every other day, really, but a set routine was exactly what she needed, that and a full schedule that left little time for thought or contemplation. She spent most of the morning training with Nathaniel and Garen. Under Nathaniel's watchful eye, her archery was improving by leaps and bounds. She had always been a skilled archer, but Nathaniel was teaching her to do things she never realized were possible with a bow. It was clear to Eriana that he was casually trying to encourage her to rely more on her archery to get her off the front line as much as possible. Sweet, overprotective bloke.

After her archery workout with Nathaniel, she would spar with Garen. The young thief had come a long way since Eriana had picked him up off the streets of Denerim. He had proven quite adept at fighting with twin daggers, so Eriana had begun teaching him some of the dueling techniques she had learned from Isabella back during the blight. The training was good for Garen, too; he was still mourning the death of Delain, and the training had proven to be a good distraction. The dueling had proven difficult for Eriana, though, as she was still working to regain her strength. All she wanted to do was feel normal again, and the fact that Garen was frequently besting her in the training yard was very frustrating to the elf.

After finishing her workout, Eriana, Nathaniel, Garen, and Aedan would saddle up a few horses and go on a scouting run around the keep before lunch. For Eriana, this was one of her most important tasks of the day. It was well known throughout the nation that they were in a weakened state, so Eriana felt it was necessary for them to do daily runs around the fortress in order to identify any potential problems. Though she had many supporters, she was not foolish enough to believe that there were no enemies out there who might try to exploit her weakened state. She took Nathaniel with her because he was the most familiar with the land and could easily identify places where enemies could be lurking. Garen was good at identifying weaknesses as he made his living exploiting them, and Aedan was just fun to be around. At times, Cybele, the surviving dalish twin, would join them to point out any natural anomalies. So far, everything looked secure, but it was clear Eriana wasn't going to let her guard down.

Once they returned to the keep, Eriana would take a quick lunch then she, Nathaniel, Aedan, and Garevel would shut themselves us in her office and pour over paperwork for the remainder of the evening. As it turned out, Aedan was a Maker-sent blessing. As a Cousland, he had been brought up in the careful practice of Ferelden politics and the administrative responsibilities that came with running an arling as he was expected to be his brother's right hand. With his help, the Vigil's Keep staff was well on its way to getting the entire arling back on track. He was also a huge help when it came to reorganizing the household staff. By the time the first week was over, Miranda had already replaced all their lost employees and had the keep back in working order. Eriana was beginning to wonder how exactly she was going to function once she left for Denerim. When she expressed her concerns to Aedan, he simply smiled and told her not to worry, that he had that worked out as well. Not only had he been a huge help with her administrative duties, but Aedan's presence was also a surprising comfort. She had expected things to be slightly awkward between them, given how forward he had been the last time she had seen him, but Fergus must have talked to him about his behavior because he was friendly but not at all pushy. Somehow, the nobleman managed to distract her from all her troubles just by being near, and had proven himself a true friend.

Sighing to herself, Eriana glanced over her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks had begun to round out a bit and had lost the gaunt, haunted look, and there was life back in her eyes. Smiling at the changes, Eriana quickly tied her hair up in a messy knot. She really should cut it; it was far longer than a true rogue's hair should be, but she simply couldn't bring herself to do it. Zevran had often stated how he loved her long hair, and somehow, cutting it felt like a betrayal of him. Pulling on her training armor, Eriana whistled for Ramoth and went out to face the day.

-0-

Spinning around and kicking out, Eriana managed to catch Garen's leg, knocking him off his feet. Using her momentum, the elf pinned the human beneath him before he could regain his bearings. Sparring daggers at his throat, Eriana grinned down at her fellow rogue. "Got ya," she said before leaping off him and helping him get to his feet.

"I have to say, Ana," Nathaniel said, moving into the ring, "you're starting to get back into your old stride. You're moving a lot better. How do you feel?"

"A bit more winded than I should be, but otherwise fine. I guess taking three weeks off is bound to slow my daggers a bit."

"Well, I think you look great," a new voice said. Eriana turned to see Aedan strolling up to the fence. Eriana smiled and made her way over to the nobleman, taking a long drink from the water skin he was holding out for her.

"So what brings you down here, Aedan? Isn't it a bit earlier than usual for you?"

He smiled and gave a loud bark of laughter. "Actually, I was hoping that I might persuade you to take the afternoon off today. Maybe instead of going out on a scouting ride with the group, it might just be me and you today." Eriana raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't worry, I'm not going to drag you away or anything; I just thought it would be nice for you to have a break."

"I suppose there's no harm in taking a day off," she said, smiling up at him. "Do you have something in mind?"

Aedan smiled and nodded knowingly. "Just meet me in the courtyard in about an hour, and don't eat anything, okay, we'll do lunch while we're out," he said and turned and walked away before she had a chance to respond.

An hour later, Eriana found the young nobleman waiting for her in the courtyard beside his massive black charger. "You ready?"

"We're going for a ride?"

Aedan nodded, "I know you're afraid of horses and all, but if we didn't ride it would take us most of the day to hike up to where we're going."

Eriana grinned, "What makes you think I'm afraid of horses?"

"I've seen the way you act when you're riding with Nathaniel; you cling to him like you're about to tumble off. I know you say you're too small to control a horse, but I've seen you tell a bear what you want it to do. Surely you can control a horse." Eriana glared at him. "Don't worry, your secret's safe with me. Besides, I'm perfectly happy sharing my horse with you. Now, come on, let me help you up, and we'll get going."

"Are you doing to tell me where we're heading?"

"Nope, I can't really describe it anyway; you'll just have to see when we get there." He held out a hand, and after a moment's hesitation, she took it and allowed him to pull her up on the horse behind him. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she pulled herself against his back as he began to lead the horse out of the keep. Once they were out of the fortress's walls, he gave the horse a nudge and they picked up the pace as he directed the horse north toward the shoreline. They rode for about half hour along a winding path until they came to a steep bank.

After sliding off the horse, Aedan turned around to catch her as she dismounted. "The rest of the walk is a bit too steep," he said, grabbing his saddle bags and slinging them over his shoulder. "So, we're on foot from here on out." The elf took his hand and let him lead her up the embankment to a small clearing that seemed to be cut out of the side of the steep cliffs overlooking the sea. Eriana gasped when they stepped out into the clearing; it was one of the most beautiful places she had ever seen. The gray cliffs surrounded it on three sides with the fourth opening up to a breathtaking view of the Amaranthine Sea. Eriana walked up to the edge, taking in the warm smell of the ocean as the breeze washed over her. Aedan stepped up behind her, simply taking in the scene before them.

"How did you find this place?" Eriana asked, turning to look up at the nobleman.

"I used to come up here as a kid with Nathaniel and his siblings. We spent hours exploring these shores before we discovered this place."

"It's amazing," she said, turning to watch as the waves buffeted against the rocks beneath her.

"I thought you'd like it," he said, setting down his bags and getting out a blanket. "Here," he said once he had spread the blanket out on the ground, "have a seat and enjoy the scenery. And I don't just mean the ocean."

Eriana laughed and sat down beside him, pulling her cloak tightly around her as a particularly cool wind whipped around them. She watched with amusement as the young man began to set out different types of fruits, cheeses, and salted meats. "A picnic lunch in the middle of winter," she said, raising an eyebrow. "I think this may be an excuse to get me to cuddle with you."

Aedan raised his hands in mock surrender, "You got me, commander; this was all a ploy to get close to you. Besides, it's the end of autumn, not quite winter yet. Winter tends to hit a bit later here in the north, and with that warm ocean air, you've got at least two more months before you can expect a proper frost." He pulled out a bottle of wine and set it in front of her. "Besides, I wanted to talk to you away from the Vigil. As long as we were there, there was always a threat of someone interrupting us."

Eriana's breath caught as she suddenly began to feel a bit nervous. Aedan must have caught on to her apprehension because he quickly defended himself. "No, no, it's nothing like that. I just know how things work when you're back there. You want to be in on every decision, so you end up pushing yourself way too hard. You may not realize it, but you put your responsibilities ahead of your own well being. You just need time to heal, and that's what I'm trying to do. I'm not here to push myself on you; I realize you're probably not ready for anything more than a friendship right now. I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you, however you need me."

Eriana sighed and got to her feet and moved to the edge of the cliff. Aedan followed, stepping up behind her and wrapping an arm around her waist. "Do you want to talk about it, about Zevran, I mean?"

Eriana nodded; as much as it hurt, she needed this. Needed to talk to someone who was just a friend, not family, not a fellow Warden, just a friend; she needed Leliana, but in a pinch, Aedan would have to do. Gazing out across the ocean, Eriana leaned into the human's side. "Part of me keeps hoping, you know; hoping that he'll just show up and everything will be okay. I know he left because of the threat the Crows posed; that night we got attacked spooked him more than he would admit to me. And I don't really blame him either; I understand. I just keep waiting, though, for some word from him. He's only been gone for four months; it's just with everything that's happened, it feels like more. I keep expecting him to write or something, to send some kind of word." She glanced up at him, "And I think the fact that he hasn't made contact of any type is what hurts most of all."

Aedan tightened his hold on her, pulling her against him. "I can't help but think he's a fool to leave you alone like this." Eriana shook her head. "No, I mean it; how could any man leave someone like you behind? Eriana, I swear, if I ever had the honor of winning the affections of a woman like you, I would never ever let her go. You say you understand why he left, but I don't see it. It seems to me that he could protect you better at your side."

Eriana leaned back against him, resting her head on his chest. "But he doesn't think like that, Aedan. He thinks like an assassin, and he understands the way they operate better than you or I. I trust his judgment in this, but that doesn't make it hurt less. I just wish he had talked to me about it."

"So you're mad at him?"

"Yes and no. I can understand why he did it, but that didn't make it easier, not with everything that happened. I just can't help but think things would have been different if he had been here for me."

Aedan wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close so that she was in front of him. "You know you don't have to be alone in this if you don't want to be. There are people here for you." He looked down at her, his green eyes locking on to her blue ones. "I can be here for you, all you have to do is say the word."

"I know you would Aedan; I just don't know if I'm ready. It's only been four months, you know."

"Eriana, I know you're not ready for that, and I do understand. I just wanted you to know that I will be here in whatever capacity you need me. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll be here. If you need an ear to listen, you have mine. And if and when you are ready for more, all you need to do is ask." Eriana looked up at him, a blush creeping up her cheeks. "Ah, come on, you know we'd be great together." He stroked the hair back off her face. "But I'm not going to push you to do something you're not ready for."

Eriana looked up at him, taking in his passionate, handsome features. He was definitely a change from what she was used to, and it definitely felt different to be in his arms. But she simply wasn't ready to take things to a different level. She simply wasn't ready to let someone else in, and maybe she never would be. After all, she had tried to open up to Anders, grated she was under the influence of pregnancy hormones, and look where that had landed her. This man, though, he was different, less of a risk. Sighing she leaned her head back against his chest. "Thank you Aedan, and for right now, I really need a friend. I just need some time."

The nobleman dipped his head and rested his lips on her hairline running a hand down her back. "Then that's what I'll be." He tilted her head up and looked down at her. "Just as long as you remember me when you are ready to move on because I have a feeling we'd be amazing together."

Eriana's heart fluttered, and for a moment, she was completely captivated by his gaze. And in that moment of weakness, she felt as if she was about to give in when a sudden familiar sensation washed over her. Immediately she stiffened in his arms, and Aedan seemed to recognize the reaction instantly. "Darkspawn," he said, dropping his arms and reaching for his sword.

Eriana shook her head, a combination of nausea and fury surging through her. Grabbing his arm and whistling for Ramoth, Eriana hissed, "Follow me."

Together they made their way through the woods, allowing the pull of the taint to guide her. Silently, she hoped that her gut instinct was wrong, but her instincts were almost never wrong. Aedan kept shooting her nervous glances, but remained thankfully silent, his hand never leaving the hilt of his sword. They had almost made it back to the horse when a man stepped out of the woods, a man Eriana never thought she would see again. Anders.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed the moment she saw him. She realized that she was obviously sending out some angry vibes because Ramoth immediately tensed beside her and started to growl, and Aedan, taking a cue from the dog, moved a step closer, tightening his grip on the hilt of his sword.

Anders' eyes glanced from her to the dog to the human before focusing back on her. "I made it half way to Highever before I turned around. I knew the instant I left that I had made a huge mistake, but I was too afraid come back. I was afraid you'd never forgive me, that you'd hand me over to the templars or something, not that I wouldn't deserve it," he added quickly. "I would totally deserve it, after all you did for me, I totally blew it by running out like I did."

"Yeah, you did," Eriana said, sternly, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at him.

"Ana, is everything alright; who is this?" Aedan said, taking a step forward to move between them, never taking his eyes off the mage in front of them.

"This," Eriana spat, "is just one of my Wardens who has been missing for the past two weeks. He ran off without permission after the last darkspawn battle."

Aedan glanced quickly at her, but didn't say anything.

"So are you back to stay or are you just going to disappear again?" Eriana said, turning back to the blonde mage.

"Ana, listen…"

"No," she snapped, her fists clinched at her sides as she shook with rage, "No, you are not allowed to call me that. It's Commander or Ser to you, but you have lost the right to use my name." Beside her, Ramoth gave a low growl, his ears pinned back as he moved closer to the mage. Anders jerked back as if he had been smacked, but Eriana didn't care that she had hurt his feelings. Maker knows he had hurt her enough.

"Yes, Commander, I'm back to stay, but if you could just listen…"

"How did you find me?"

Anders sighed, "I felt you…well, I didn't know it was you. I had hoped it would be you so I could have a chance to explain." Eriana's eyes narrowed as she glared at him. "I was on my way back and I felt the pull of your taint, so I followed it to here."

"Whatever, look, I don't have time for this now. I'll talk to you when I get back to the keep. That is, of course, assuming you are there when I get back," Eriana said with a sneer.

Anders sighed, "The thing is, I'm not exactly sure how to get back to the keep from here. I got a bit off track when I was following you, and well, I kind of got lost."

Eriana rolled her eyes. "Ramoth," she said, looking down at the dog beside her. "Escort Anders back to the keep, would you." The dog cocked his head and looked up at her with a whine. "I'll be fine, and I'll be back tonight, I promise." The mabri huffed and ambled over to the mage's side.

"Who's this?" the mage said, looking down at the dog.

"That's Ramoth, my mabari war hound. He's been staying with the Couslands in Highever for the past few months."

Anders glanced at the man who was still standing beside her, his hand still clutching the hilt of his sword, "So I assume this is.."

"Aedan Cousland," the nobleman responded, stepping in front of the elven Warden, effectively separating the two Wardens. Eriana had to stifle a giggle when Anders took a nervous step back from the angry nobleman.

Putting a gentle hand on his arm, Eriana pulled Aedan back so that he was standing at her side. "As I said, Anders, I am busy at the moment," she said, looking up at the nobleman and giving him a slight smile, purposefully leaving her hand on his arm. "So I'll deal with you when I have the time. Just find Nathaniel and I'm sure he'll be able to take care of you." With that, she grabbed Adean and led him back toward the clearing, leaving Anders behind with the dog. Aedan didn't say anything until they were back in the clearing, a fact for which Eriana was extremely grateful. He waited until he was ready to talk.

"He was my healer, and I'm sure he felt guilty for not catching my pregnancy so he ran off," she said, starting out over the ocean.

"But there was more to it than that?"

Eriana nodded, but didn't say anything more, so Adean dropped it. "Ugh," she moaned turning to look up at the human, "well, now that the mood has been completely ruined, do you want to head back."

Aedan shook his head. "Not until you've eaten something," he said, pulling her down on the blanket next to him. "I brought all this food out here, and we're not leaving till you've had at least some of it."

Eriana laughed lightly, "You know, you're starting to sound like Nathaniel." Aedan blushed slightly and busied himself with their lunch. "Oh, let me guess, Nathaniel made you promise to make sure I eat."

Aedan nodded, "It was the only way he agreed to let me take you out for lunch. In fact, it was one of the many rules that came along with you. Let's see, rule one is 'Don't mention Zevran' and rule two is 'Make sure she eats a full lunch.' Now since I've already broken the first rule, I better make sure I follow the second one to a tee, or I won't be allowed to take you out again."

"There are rules that accompany me."

"Oh, yeah." He put a finger to his lips as if he was thinking. "Let me think, Oghren's rules, well, they weren't really rules, just a list of punishments that he would inflict on me if I hurt you in any way. Before I left, my brother reminded me that you are a person not to be fawned over, and that I was to treat you like a lady, not the Empress of Orlais." Eriana giggled. "Petra had a list of physical dos and don'ts, and Nathaniel and Soris seemed quite concerned with what you were eating. Well, Soris would have been if he had been paying attention to you instead of fawning all over my housekeeper."

"You've noticed that, then?"

"Yeah, he seems quite taken with her, and she seems to return the sentiment. Who knows, I may have to hire him off you."

"Soris isn't one of my employees," Eriana said, taking a bite of a large red apple. "He's my cousin. He joined me from Denerim after he got word that Zevran left me."

"Your cousin? But you two look nothing alike."

"I take after my mother; she was a blonde too. And don't mention it to anyone. I've not told a lot of people that he's my cousin, and I think it would be better if it stays quiet."

"Why's that?"

"I have a lot of enemies, Aedan. There are a lot of people who aren't happy that Alistair pretty much made me an arlessa. It's safer for my family if most people don't know about them."

"So he's not your only family?"

Eriana shook her head. "My father lives with Soris's sister, Shianni."

"The new bann of the alienage?" Eriana nodded. "Well, how do you keep that a secret; doesn't she have the same last name as you?"

"No, not anymore at least. She got married while I was fighting the blight, so the Landsmeet knows her by her married name. Most humans don't care to look too closely to the relationships between elves in the alienage or take time to learn most elves' last names, so they just assume my father is hers, a misassumption that I don't care to correct. We simply don't tell people Shianni and I are related. It's safer that way."

"Doesn't it limit the time you get to spend with them?"

"Yes, but it's worth it if it keeps them safe. Could you imagine what Loghain or Howe would have done if they had known they could have hurt me through my family. Howe already had Soris locked away in his dungeons; he wouldn't have had to kidnap Anora to get to me. No, it's safer for people like me to have as few connections as possible." Eriana looked up to see a sad look on Adean's face. "What?"

"I never really though just how hard this has been on you. When people look at you, they see the Hero of Ferelden; you're larger than life in that way. It's easy to overlook the fact that you weren't always a national hero sometimes, that you had a life before this one. You always seemed so at ease with everything."

"What can I say, I'm a good actor I guess. Nothing about this has been easy for me, not since joining the Grey Wardens." She pulled her cloak around herself, moving closer to Aedan in the process. "You know, I would have gladly passed this burden off to someone else, anyone else, but there was no one, only me and Alistair. He had to become King, so leading the Wardens fell to me."

"And that was a good thing. I mean, look at all you've accomplished."

"Who's to say someone better equipped wouldn't have done better? I mean, look at me. I have no military training, no training as a noble, I'm a woman, and to top it off, I'm an elf. I can't help but think I was just lucky during the blight. We would have been better off if Duncan had recruited someone like…well, someone like you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you, you have all the tools that would make a perfect hero. You're trained to lead armies and to run arlings. You know how to deal with the nobility; your very presence demands respect. You're the kind of man people would follow without reservation. You even look the part of a hero, tall, strong, handsome…"

"Oh, so you think I'm handsome, then?" he said, grinning down at the elf.

Eriana rolled her eyes, "You know you're handsome." She sighed, "I'm just saying, you would have made sense in this role. I don't, and everyone sees that."

"I don't see it," he said, looking down at her. "The way I see it, you are exactly what this country needs. We didn't need another stuffy human nobleman to save us. We needed you. You have proven to a lot of people that you don't have to have a penis or be a human to save the world, and that's something we needed to be taught."

Eriana laughed and leaned back against him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight embrace, letting her back rest against his chest. "There's an old saying, 'Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.' Well, you probably feel that the later is true with you, that you've had all this trust upon you." Eriana nodded. "See, I tend to think it's the second. What you did, what you've achieved isn't the result of fate or destiny; it was something you achieved because of the amazing person that you are." He tightened his hold on her, pulling her close. "And I can't help but think you wouldn't feel this way about yourself if Zevran was still here."

"What does Zev have to do with this?"

"I think his leaving has rattled your confidence somewhat. I don't think you'd have this many doubts about yourself if that hadn't happened. You were so sure of yourself when I met you in Highever, but in a good way, of course. I mean, I remember how you put me in my place when we went hunting."

"You were being a bit of a prat," she said, grinning up at him. 

"I deserved it completely, too, but I don't think you'd do that now. I think you'd be too nervous about offending me or something like that. You know you can do this without him. I knew Duncan; he wouldn't have recruited you if he didn't have confidence in your abilities."

"I doubt Duncan could foresee me having to do something like this."

"Not this particular situation, no, but the person who knows you best put you in this position, did he not?" Eriana nodded. "Well, he wouldn't have done it if he didn't think you were capable. Have some faith in yourself, Ana. I know politics, and I know you have what it takes. I've seen it in you; just follow you gut, and you'll do fantastically."

"You think so?"

"I know so," he said, kissing her lightly on the top of the head. "My brother and I have complete confidence in you, and so do a lot of other people."

"Thank you, Aedan. I'm so glad you decided to come and help me get my keep and my life back in order."

He chuckled and rested his chin on the top of her head as they both looked out over the Amaranthine Sea.

-0-

Nathaniel was strolling along keep walls when Ramoth came plodding up the path without Eriana. The rogue practically growled when he realized who the dog was walking with. Running through the stairway, Nathaniel managed to make it to the gate just as the mage walked through it. "I never thought I'd see you again," he growled down at the mage. "I assume since you have her dog that she's seen you." Anders nodded. "Well, that's just fantastic. What are you doing here anyway?"

"I couldn't stay away. I felt awful."

"Awful…you felt awful…bloody hell, come with me," he said, grabbing the mage and dragging him through the keep. Once they reached Eriana's office, Nathaniel all but threw the mage inside, slamming the door behind him.

"You know, locking me in isn't exactly the best idea; I tend to get a bit claustrophobic…"

"Shut up," Nathaniel sneered. "Do you have any idea the hurt you've caused Ana? Any idea?"

"I was upset, and I was afraid she'd blame me for everything that happened."

"Oh, poor you. Well, I'm going to let you in on something, mage, not everything is about you, got it? There are other people in the world besides you, people who are counting on you, people who depend on you, hell, people who may have even loved you. Have you ever considered that?"

Anders took a deep breath, hanging his head in shame. Nathaniel, though was nowhere near finished. "Did you even consider Ana, Anders? I mean, really consider what she needed instead of what you felt. I doubt it because if you had thought about her for one second, you wouldn't have taken off the way you did. Seriously, think about what you did to her. She was just coming off of a serious relationship that ended without warning; she woke up to find the man she loved had abandoned her in the middle of the night. Then against her better judgment she starts to allow herself to develop feelings for you, and you do the exact same thing to her. You abandon her at the time she needed you most."

"I'm sorry…"

"Do you know that your name was the first word out of her mouth when she woke up? How do you think that made her feel, Anders, to wake up from one on the most traumatic experiences of her life to find that once again the man she had started to care for had abandoned her? Can you even begin to comprehend the effect that will have on her? I doubt she'll ever trust anyone again. Why would she? Every man she's been with has treated her like shit."

"I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry. I don't know how many other ways I can say it, but I am. I knew it was wrong, that I was hurting her, but I couldn't help myself. That's what I do, when things get tough, I run." The mage hung his head, "But she's okay now; I mean she seemed okay when I talked to her."

"That was after three days of complete silence and a week and a half of bed rest, all of which might have been avoided if you had simply been here," Nathaniel shouted, glaring across the room at him. "Now, I don't know why she sent you back; if it was me, I would have sent you right back along the way you came."

"Do you think she will ever forgive me?"

"Maybe," Nathaniel sighed. "Most likely, you know how she is about forgiving people, but that won't change the fact that you've hurt her, probably beyond repair."

"I know, but if she'll let me prove myself, and she forgives me, I plan to spend the rest of my life making it up to her."

"We'll see about that," a soft, feminine voice said from the door way. Nathaniel blinked in surprise. It wasn't often he was surprised by someone's sudden presence; he was just yelling at Anders too much to hear Eriana approach. "But for now, we'll just start with putting you back in regular Warden duties."

"Eria…Commander, please, just hear me out."

"Anders, I've had a moderately good day today, and I don't plan on doing any further Warden business today. So whatever you have to tell me, it can wait until tomorrow," she said, turning on a heel to leave the room. "Oh, and Nathaniel, inform Miranda that we will need quarters prepared for another Warden as his rooms are no longer available." She glanced over at Anders and said pointedly, "I gave them to Aedan." Nathaniel looked up to see the nobleman standing in the doorway, waiting for Eriana. The glare his childhood friend was giving the mage was not lost on the rogue, who had to stifle a laugh to keep from breaking the somber mood. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have plans for the evening. I will see you all in the morning."

Nathaniel watched as Eriana shut the door behind her, never giving the mage a second glance. Beside him, Anders' shoulders slumped in complete defeat.

"Let's find you some place to sleep for the night; just be prepared, there probably aren't many here who will be thrilled to see you right now." Anders nodded and followed the rogue out of the office.

-0-

_Alright, a little lull in the action never hurt. But despite the fact that the darkspawn threat has passed, Eriana's troubles are still far from over. I plan on wrapping up things at the Keep in the next chapter before heading back to Denerim, so stay tuned._

_I hope you all enjoyed this one. It may be a while before I get a new chapter up; I'm going to be without a computer in a week, and I don't know if I'll be able to get up another chapter before I leave. So hand with me!_

_Thanks for reading, and I love reviews. Please let me know if you like where this is going, especially now that I'm venturing into original waters._


	34. Chapter 34

"Alright, guys, let's keep this short," Eriana said, surveying the room full of Wardens. "I need everyone to check out the duty roster and sign up for a patrol route on the schedule. We've had a few scattered reports about darkspawn sightings throughout the arling, so we'll need to step up patrols for the next few weeks. They're probably just remnants of the Mother and the Architect's forces, but I'm not taking any chances. Winter is approaching fast, so we need to get this knocked out before travel begins to get difficult. Trust me, you do not want to be sleeping in a tent when it starts snowing; been there, done that, and it's no fun. Luckily, things are quiet in the rest of the nation, so let's hope things stay that way till we head out to start recruiting in the spring."

There was a murmur of agreement through the room. "As it is, though, things will likely be slow during the coldest part of the winter anyway; even they have should trouble digging through frozen ground. We should be good until the thaw. I will be asking several of you to go out on the recruiting trip around the country, so let me know if any of you are interested in going."

"However, we have an even bigger job coming up in the next month," Eriana said with a sigh, "the one year celebration marking the end of the blight. Their Royal Highnesses would like for all of the Ferelden Wardens to be in attendance, but as things are, we can't leave Amaranthine completely unguarded. Keenan has volunteered to stay behind to be in charge of things while we're away, but we'll need three or four volunteers who would be willing to miss out on all the pomp and circumstance in Denerim. Maker knows, I'd prefer to stay here; you all know how much I enjoy these things."

"Wouldn't be much of a celebration without the Hero of Ferelden," Oghren grunted from the back.

Eriana rolled her eyes as several people around the room chuckled. Everyone knew full well how much Eriana hated being the center of attention, and there was no doubt that she would be front and center at every event that was held for the entire week. "Yeah, yeah, Alistair made it quite clear that I was expected to be in attendance, as if I didn't already know that. But if you'd like to stay behind, let me know. If no one volunteers, I'll be forced to draw names."

"Any questions," she asked, surveying the room one more time. It felt good to have all her Wardens in one place. It definitely made things easier for organizing and assessing everything, but it wouldn't last. She expected their numbers to increase quite a bit over the next few years, forcing her to spread her forces out over the whole nation, which would definitely increase her administrative duties. "Okay, one last thing. Aedan and I are planning to go into the city for the next few days. I have some administrative business I need to take care of before leaving for Denerim. If any of you are interested in spending some time in the city, let me know. We'll be leaving after breakfast tomorrow. Other than that, keep up the good work. I'll be making my rounds during training this afternoon, so I'll see you all then. Dismissed."

Eriana wasn't surprised when Nathaniel and Keenan both told her that they wanted to accompany her to Amaranthine. She had assumed that they would want to visit their families before they left for the capital. However, much to her surprise Justice approached her and expressed an interest in accompanying her.

"I have not had much of a chance to see anything beyond the walls of the Keep since I arrived in the mortal realm, and I would very much like to see what else is out there. Kristoff's memories are quite strong, and I am interested to see those things for myself."

"That would be fine, Justice, but I do ask that you leave your helm on when we're out in public. I'm afraid your appearance might be a bit shocking to most people not familiar with you."

"Understood, Commander. Thank you," he said with a curt nod before exiting the room, leaving Eriana alone with Anders who was hanging back against the wall, fidgeting nervously as he waited to talk to her.

"Commander, I noticed that there were no mages accompanying you to the city. I think it would be wise for you to have at least one mage in the party, particularly one who is adept at healing."

"I suppose that means that you are volunteering, right?"

"Yes, if you would have me, I would very much like to accompany you."

Eriana sighed, "That should be fine, Anders. Just be sure you're ready to leave in the morning." The mage had been back in the keep for a week, and she had yet to really talk to him. She was still too angry with him for leaving the way he did, and it would take some time before she was ready to let him make amends. Without giving him a chance to say anything more, Eriana turned on her heel and strolled out of the room toward her office.

She knew that she would probably be spending the rest of the day in there, going over the financial reports for the city. As much as she hated Esmerelle for trying to kill her, she hated her even more dying and leaving mounds of paperwork behind for Eriana to sort through. Most of the nobles who had died during their failed assassination attempt oversaw farmland for the most part, so it wasn't imperative that Eriana put someone in charge of those lands until planting time came around in early spring. She could wait until the next arling council meeting to appoint overseers for most of the vacated positions, but the city couldn't wait that long, ergo, Eriana was forced to take on the duty of running a city. That's why the trip to the city was a necessity. Eriana and Aedan were going to assess the rebuilding, evaluate the city guard, and appoint a seneschal to oversee the city directly. The sheer volume of work almost made her miss the blight, almost.

-0-

The actual trip into Amaranthine the next morning was rather uneventful. The party of six managed to make it to the city without being attacked by bandits, darkspawn, or wild animals. Eriana rode with Aedan, grinning to herself every time Anders looked over at them with that kicked puppy look on his face. Part of her knew it was wrong to find joy in Anders' misery, a small, part of her anyway.

As soon as they made it to the city, Keenan and Nathaniel disappeared to visit their families, agreeing to meet at the tavern for dinner. They had made very good time, so Eriana had some time to kill before her first meeting with the captain of the guard. Aedan suggested that they tour the city, doing an informal assessment of the repairs that were being done before meeting with the foremen. The group had barely made it past the chantry when they were stopped by a severe looking elven woman.

"Anders," she barked, staring daggers at the mage. "It's about time you showed up."

The mage glanced nervously back at Eriana before turning back to the other woman. "Namaya, you're still here. After everything that happened, I assumed…"

"Yeah, well, unlike some people I know, I keep my promises." Anders flinched at her harsh tone. "I did some checking, and as it turns out, you were right. The cache is here in Amaranthine."

"You found it, Namaya, thank you so…"

"Yeah, yeah," she said, waving her hand. "Do with that information what you will. I for one am through dealing with mages, especially you," she said with a growl before looking up at Eriana. "If I were you, Sweetie, I'd watch yourself around this one; unless you like getting screwed over." Without saying another word or sparing the mage another glance, the elf turned and stormed away.

"She seems nice, smart too," Aedan whispered in Eriana's ear, eliciting a small giggle from the elf. "I for one would like to get to know her better."

Anders sighed and turned around. "I suppose you are wondering what that was all about."

Eriana shook her head, "No, that was pretty self explanatory, given your history. What'd you do to that one?"

"I guess I sort of cheated on her, but I didn't mean to." Eriana and Aedan exchanged a quick look of disbelief. "I promise. She was a friend, well more than a friend; she and her sister helped me during my last escape attempt. But one night, we were all hanging out, drinking, having a good time. Well, they both went upstairs while I finished my drinks. I'm not so sure what happened after that because I was kind of drunk, but I ended up in the wrong room and, well, didn't realize it till it was too late."

"Wait, you slept with her sister?" Aedan said with a laugh.

"It was dark, and in my defense, they look an awful lot alike."

"And you didn't notice you were with the wrong one?" Eriana asked, looking up at him.

"Well, I figured it out eventually, but once I did, it was a little too late to stop." Eriana groaned and shook her head. "Needless to say, Namaya was furious at me. I can't believe she still found my phylactery for me."

"Is that the cache she mentioned, a cache of phylacteries?"

Anders nodded. "The chantry moved the phylacteries of the circle mages here during the blight. I had hoped to find mine and destroy it once and for all. That is why I was here in Amaranthine in the first place, looking for it."

"What is this phylactery of which you speak?" Justice said, speaking for the first time that day.

"It's my leash." Anders said, the bitterness evident in his voice. "It's a vial of my blood that the templars use to track me whenever I get free from the circle. They have one for every mage in Thedas. No matter what happens to me, as long as they have that vial, I'll never be free of them."

"And why would the templars wish to track you; have you done something wrong?"

"Besides being born a mage, no. Well, that and wanting to be free from tyranny and injustice of the chantry, but I don't think that's so wrong."

"Injustice," Justice said, "What kinds of injustice?"

Anders sighed, "Where do I start? Everything about the circle is unjust. They steal us mages away from our families the moment they discover our magical abilities, forcing us to live in that prison. They force us to undergo a dangerous test to prove we have the fortitude to withstand demonic temptations, and if we fail we are killed. If we refuse, we are made tranquil, severing our connection to the fade and stealing our emotions as well, and that's just the stuff the chantry will admit to. There are tons of other abuses the templars throw at us, and we are powerless to defend ourselves for fear of labeled blood mages."

"That is unjust," the fade sprit said indignantly. "Why have you done nothing about it?"

"What?"

"Why do you not strike a blow against your oppressors? Ensure they can do this to no one else."

"Because I stay as far away from my oppressors as humanly possible. I'm only one man. What in Thedas could I do against the entire chantry?"

"So you are apathetic about the plight of your fellow mages. You are free so the suffering of others does not matter to you. Apathy is a weakness you know."

"Yeah, and so is death."

"Regardless, you should do something about it. You have a responsibility to right this wrong that is being done to your fellow mages. By what right do they enslave your kind?"

"It's not slavery, not exactly," Eriana interjected, "It's imprisonment more than anything. The mages aren't being forced to work or do anything. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's right. Their freedoms are taken from them, that's true, but you have to understand, not all mages are like Anders here. Many of them are extremely dangerous."

"So we should all be locked away, then, just because a few of us are dangerous? There are dangerous people all over Fereden, it's not just limited to mages, you know."

"That's true," Eriana said, "but most of them can't set an entire building on fire with their mind. You have to admit it, Anders, you and all mages have a great deal of power at your disposal. Not every mage is a good person."

"The presence of a few dangerous mages does not justify the wholesale imprisonment of all mages," Justice said, indignantly. "There are many elves who make a living through thievery, so should we assume that you are a thief as well. Would that justify locking you and all your kind up just because a few are dangerous? "

"In a way my kind is locked up," Eriana pointed out. "Not in the same way mages are, but we don't have the same rights and freedoms as humans and dwarves have."

"So what have you done about it?"

"I've done what I can to try to change things, but you can't change an entire society and system of beliefs overnight. Look, do I think the chantry system is perfect? No, there are a lot of flaws in the way we treat our mages. That's why I conscripted Anders in the first place, to save him from an unjust punishment. But do I have a better solution? No. I have seen too much damage done by uncontrolled mages to support a carte blanche approach to magic. There have to be checks and balances in there somewhere." Eriana turned back to Anders, "But back to the situation at hand, and am I to believe that your phylactery is here, in Amaranthine?"

Anders nodded, "Apparently it's in an abandoned warehouse just outside the gates, near the entrance to the smuggler's cave." He glanced down at the note Namaya had given him. "According to this, it is likely unguarded. I hate to ask this of you, Commander, after all I've done, but do you think we could go and get it. I would feel so much safer knowing it was destroyed."

Eriana hesitated, not because she was averse to helping Anders. No, she was willing to help him, but something about this felt wrong. A scorned ex-lover coming with to him with the one thing he desired most; something just didn't add up. Sighing she nodded and motioned for Anders to lead the way while she dropped back to talk with Aedan.

"I noticed that you didn't correct Justice when he made the assumption that you weren't a thief," Aedan whispered, grinning down at her.

"Yeah, that was on purpose. If he found out what I did to get by during the blight, he's probably have my head, and I like my head where it is, thank you very much."

"Yeah, I like your head where it is too. Probably for the best then." He glanced up at the mage and the possessed dead man. "So any thoughts on this new development?"

"I hope we find this phylactery, but I think we're walking into a trap. My assassin senses are tingling."

"I don't think it takes an assassin to figure that out," he said with a sigh. "So if you think it's a trap, why did you agree to help?"

Eriana grinned. "It's better to go into a trap knowing it's a trap than to get caught unaware in their second attempt to ensnare you. Make sense?"

"No."

Eriana chuckled. "Chances are, whoever is behind this is after Anders, and they won't stop until they get a hold of him. I'm still mad as hell at him right now, but I'm not about to let someone hurt him. If this trap fails, they'll just set another one, one that I might not catch until it's too late."

"Ah, got ya. At least you're prepared for this one."

"Exactly," Eriana said, sure that she was ready for whatever the templars had in store for them.

She was wrong.

-0-

Of course the cache was empty; Eriana expected nothing less. And she wasn't surprised to see Rylock leading the party of templars; that woman had wanted to get her hands on Anders ever since Eriana conscripted him right out from under her. The elf was surprised, though, that the templar expected her to hand over Anders without a fight.

"Rylock, we've been over this," Eriana said, glaring up at the larger woman. "The Grey Wardens have the right to conscript whomever we want, and King Alistair himself allowed this conscription. So back off! You are not getting this mage."

"The King isn't here to defend him, so unless you want to die along side of him, I suggest you back off," Rylock said, nodding to the two templars beside her.

Eriana stepped between the tepmlars and Anders, daggers drawn, "I'd like to see you try." Around her, the sound of steel being drawn filled the air, as the templars all hit Anders with a holy smite, sending the mage staggering.

"Justice, protect him," she said as she began to slip behind the first templar. Beside her, Aedan engaged the other templar while Justice took on Rylock one on one. It quickly became clear to Eriana that she wasn't ready for a fight like this; the effects of her pregnancy and subsequent illness had left her weak. Sparring with Garen wasn't the same as going against a fully trained templar who was out to kill, and it definitely hadn't built up her strength enough. It was all Eriana could do to keep the templar off her. Her footwork was a step and a half too slow, her daggers moving just a breath too slowly, her strength was fading far too quickly, and Eriana realized with increasing anxiety that she was one wrong move away from losing this fight. If she could make it to the wall, she would blend into the shadow and get behind the templar. But she never made it that far. Before she could disappear, the templar plowed into her, catching the side of her head with the broad side of his massive shield, knocking her head back against the brick wall behind her. Her head cracked with a sickening thud, and the world grew a bit fuzzy around her as she slipped to the ground, her daggers clattering to the floor beside her.

"Nathaniel is going to kill me," she thought to herself as the templar stepped up to her sword raised above his head. "Well, maybe he won't have to," she suddenly realized. She tried to move, tried to roll away, but her body simply wasn't responding. Closing her eyes, she waited for the inevitable blow, but it never came. Instead, she was jarred from her thoughts by the sound of steel on steel as the templar's sword met something solid. Opening her eyes, she saw Aedan standing over her, his massive shield between her and the templar, a furious look on his face. He moved faster than she had ever seen him, slamming into the templar, catching the knight completely by surprise and knocking him to the floor. The nobleman wasted no time, driving his sword into the man's chest while Eriana simply stared up at him, still slightly dazed.

Sheathing his sword, Aedan rushed over to her, kneeling beside her as he cradled her face in his hands, his thumb lightly tracing her injured cheek as he examined her. "Ana, are you alright."

"Yeah, my head hurts, but I think I'll be okay." She looked up at him, shaking her head slightly. "Thank you; if you hadn't gotten over here so quickly…"

"I know, I know. I guess we're even now, right. You saved me back when we were facing those darkspawn back in Highever, and today I got to return the favor." He tilted her head to the side to look at her cheek. "You're going to have a bruise tomorrow."

Eriana reached up and lightly tested the area beneath her eye. "I think it might be broken," she said, wincing as she applied the slightest pressure. "I'll get Anders to… Oh, sweet Andraste, Anders," she gasped, suddenly scrambling to her feet and rushing across the room to where the mage was crumpled on the floor. "Anders, Anders," she hissed, rolling him over onto his back and cradling his head in her lap.

The mage opened his eyes, looking up at her. "Ana," his whispered, reaching up to touch her cheek and struggling to sit up. "You're hurt, let me…"

"Shh," she said, catching his hand and putting it back on his chest. "You're weak right now, okay. I'll be fine, Anders; don't push yourself. The templars really did a number on you; just relax." She smiled, pushing his hair back off his face.

"What's wrong with him?" Aedan said, coming to stand beside her.

"The templars drained his magic," she said, never looking up from the mage. "It's a nasty little trick of theirs, leaves the mages completely helpless."

"Can't he just drink one of those blue potions and be okay?"

Eriana shook her head. "If it was just one of them, maybe, but all three of those templars hit him at once. He'll likely be out until tomorrow morning, even with a lyrium potion or two." She held a vial up to his lips. "If he tried to use lyrium to regain his full strength, the amount it would take would kill him or addle him completely. This will help him get back to the inn, but he will be unable to use his magic for the next few hours. Justice, I hate to ask this of you, but could you stay with him tonight. I would do it myself, but…"

"I would be happy to protect Anders," Justice said.

Eriana and Aedan helped the mage get to his feet, and Justice put an arm around the mage, supporting him until they made it back to the inn. The mage fell asleep the moment he hit the bed, so Eriana and Aedan left, leaving Justice to watch over the vulnerable mage. Once they were back outside, Aedan turned to the elf, catching her face again and tilting it up to get a better look at it in the sunlight. "That's a really nasty bruise; you know that, right? It's already turning blue."

Eriana nodded, "I'll get Anders to take care of it in the morning." She looked back up at the nobleman. "Thank you again, Aedan; you didn't have to involve yourself in Warden business."

Aedan shrugged, "Yeah, but where would you be if I hadn't. Besides, isn't that why I'm here, to help you sort out all your Warden business?"

"I don't think that includes killing templars, though."

"Ah, don't worry about that," he said with a grin. "In fact, watch this." He strolled up to the guards on duty at the city gate. "Excuse me, guardsmen. I'm am Aedan Cousland, brother and emissary of Teryn Fergus Cousland. You will want to send some men in to clear up a mess in that abandoned ware house," he said, nodding toward the building they had recently exited. "You will find three dead templars there."

"Templars," the guard said. "What happened?"

"They attacked your Arlessa and tried to take one of her Wardens captive," he said, nodding toward Eriana. "Look, one of them nearly broke her jaw. We had to kill them in self defense. I trust you will be investigating this quietly. I would hate for it to get out that the chantry here is attempting to assassinate the Hero of Ferelden and blatantly violating the laws of this nation concerning the Warden right of conscription."

"Of course," he stuttered. "I'll report it right away. I'm so sorry, Warden Commander."

Aedan nodded and turned to walk back to Eriana. "I can't believe you just walked up to the guard and told them we killed those templars like it was nothing. That was bloody brilliant!"

"Hey, I'm a nobleman; that's what we do. Now, I believe we have some meetings to attend, and believe me, that bruise is going to make you nice and intimidating."

"So I'm not already intimidating?"

"Nah, you're too pretty to be intimidating, but that's what makes you so dangerous. Everyone underestimates you until they get to know you."

"Whatever, Aedan. Let's just get these meetings over with," she said as they made their way toward the barracks.

-0-

Eriana was right about one thing, Nathaniel was furious when he saw her. But to her surprise, he wasn't furious at her, he was furious at Aedan. "How on earth could you knowingly let her walk into an ambush like that? You know she is still recovering from her illness, and you let her walk into a fight against templars. Templars!"

"Nate," Eriana said, stepping between the two noblemen.

"No, I'm not done with him," he said, refusing to make eye contact with the elf. "I can understand her agreeing to help; she can't say no to anyone who needs her help."

"Hey!"

"You can't and you know it," he said, giving her a slight smirk. "That's why you have to say no for her. She is barely back on her feet. What were you thinking?"

"Nathaniel, stop it. I knew it was a trap, and I went willingly. This is my fault, not Aedan's, so if you want to yell at someone, yell at me. He saved me, so you should be thankful he was there."

Nathaniel sighed, "I'm taking your daggers from you if you pull something like this again."

Eriana laughed, then gave a slight groan. "Please don't make me laugh; it hurts too much when I smile," she said, touching her cheek gently. "Now, if you two think you can behave yourselves for a while, I'm going to go check on Anders then I'm going to bed. Night."

"Night," the men said, turning back to their dinner and drinks as Eriana disappeared upstairs.

"Hey, Justice," she said, poking her head in the door. "I can stay with him if you want to go out for a while."

"You don't mind?"

"No, go down stairs; just don't try to administer any justice without clearing it through Aedan or Nathaniel first." The sprit nodded and disappeared down the stairs. Eriana smiled and moved over to the bed where Anders was sleeping. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, she gently pushed the blonde hair back off his face. Sighing slightly, the mage opened his eyes and looked up at her. "Hey you."

"Hi. What time is it," Anders said, sitting up slowly.

"It's just after dark; you've been sleeping for about eight hours. Are you hungry? I could go and get you something to eat."

Anders shook his head and put a hand on her arm. "No, just stay," he said, smiling up at her. "I'd rather have your company than food right now." He reached up and touched her cheek, his hand glowing a bit as his healing magic washed over her. "You have a fracture here, did you know that?"

"I figured as much," she said, pushing her hair back. "But a broken bone was really the least of my worries at the time." She caught his hand and lowered it. "Don't push yourself, Anders; I know there's no way you've gotten your strength back yet. You don't need to wear yourself out on my behalf."

"Yeah, I do because I'm the reason you're hurt. You wouldn't have that bruise if you hadn't stood up for me." He cocked his head and looked up at her. "Why did you stand up for me anyway? I mean, after what I did to you, I thought you'd be thrilled at a chance to get rid of me."

"You thought I'd just hand you over to that sadist? She was going to have you executed, you know that right?" Eriana asked, more than a little insulted. "Anders, I was, am angry with you, but I would never do that to you. You hurt my feelings when you left, that's true, but…Anders do you really think I'm that vindictive?" Tears were welling up in her eyes.

"No, it's not that; it's just…look, everyone I've ever trusted has turned on me in one way or another. I've never had anyone defend me before, until you. And how do I repay you? I hurt your feelings; I abandon you." He sighed, pulling her to his chest in a massive hug. "Ana, you had every right to turn me over to the templars; I betrayed you in every way possible. I betrayed you as a friend, as a healer, as a Warden. Why didn't you turn on me?"

"Because I promised I would protect you," she said with a sob. "Don't you remember what I said when I recruited you? I promised you I would defend you; that we would keep the templars away from you. Do you really think I would go back on my promise the first time it's tested?"

"Ana, please don't cry. I didn't mean to insult you; it's just everyone in my life has turned on me. I guess I just expected you to be like everyone else. I'm sorry," he whispered to her, his lips on her hairline.

"So is that why you run? You don't trust anyone so you, so when things get difficult you split."

"I've never really thought about it, but I guess that could be part of it. All my life, I've never really been able to rely on anyone, so being on my own has just been easier. If I don't let anyone close, then I no one can let me down."

"Were you afraid I would hold it against you that I lost the baby, that I'd let you down somehow?"

"I didn't think you'd ever forgive me for that, Ana. I felt so guilty about not catching it sooner, and I realized that this time, I was the one who had let someone down instead of it being the other way around. I just didn't know how to handle it. But, Ana, I swear, I will never let you down again. I won't leave you; please believe that. Please forgive me, and I promise I will make it up to you."

Eriana sighed. "I want to believe you, Anders, I really do, but I don't know if we can just go back to the way things were." She moved out of his embrace and looked up at him. "And it has nothing to do with the baby. You weren't there for me when I needed you most, when I was at the lowest point in my life; there's no undoing that. It took a lot for me to begin to open up the way I did with you, so it hurt when I woke up to find you weren't there, especially after all that had happened."

Anders nodded. "I understand, and I don't expect you to just forget what happened. I know I hurt you, and I know I probably ruined whatever chance I might have had with you," he tilted her head up and looked at her, "but I want you to know that I will be here or you in whatever capacity you need me. I promise."

"I'll hold you to it," she said, easing back off his bed. "But for now, you need to get some rest. Having three templars smite you at the same time couldn't have been fun."

"No," Anders said with a slight chuckle as he settled back on his pillows. "You're right about that much. It was no fun at all."

Eriana sat at his bedside, watching as the mage drifted back to sleep. She had started to care for him, she was able to admit that to herself now. That's why his disappearance had hurt so much. Now that he was back, she couldn't risk putting her heart out there again. Not with him and certainly not with Aedan. Though it had been fun using the nobleman to nettle the mage, she realized that it probably hadn't been her best idea. Aedan had started getting a bit too friendly, just a bit too protective, not that she minded today against the templars. But it was dangerous letting the nobleman get the wrong idea. She wasn't ready to open her heart to him, to anyone. The elf sighed and rested her elbows on her knees. All she had to do was hold Aedan off a little longer; then he'd be back in Highever and her life would get a whole lot less complicated. Maintaining a friendship with that particular man was much easier when he was in another part of the country; too close was just too dangerous. And she didn't think she could survive another heartbreak, not so soon. She just wasn't strong enough yet.

-0-

_Hello everyone. I know it's been a while since the last update. I didn't realize how tough it would be juggling two stories, so I hope you can bear with me. I was out of town last week without my laptop, so this has been my first chance to update. The next chapter of this one is already partially finished, so hopefully it won't be so long between updates this time._

_As always, thank you so much for continuing to read, and a special thanks to those of you who review. I really take your comments into consideration as I'm writing, so let me know what you think. Hope you enjoyed this one. Thanks again!_


	35. Chapter 35

The next month or so passed rather quickly for Eriana. There were only a few weeks to go before the one year celebration, and despite her weeks of preparation, she was letting herself start to worry. Fergus Cousland had recently arrived, so they would be heading to Denerim together in the next few days. It had been fun to watch he and Aedan interacting with each. It had always been clear to her that the two brothers were close, but she had no idea just how close they were. Maybe spending the better part of a year assuming each other was dead made them learn to truly appreciate each other; at least that had been the case with Eriana and her family. Eriana had been waiting with Aedan when his brother arrived in the keep. The young nobleman had practically been buzzing with energy, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited for his brother's party to arrive. _Aedan ran to his brother before Fergus' feet even hut the ground and pulled him into a massive hug, lifting the laughing teryn off his feet. She had half expected them to exchange a typical male handshake, one-armed bro hug, but she was touched by the obvious affection between them. _

_Fergus had brought along one rather large surprise, a new head for her household and a new head accountant, the Barrets, the innkeepers she had met when she and Zevran had stayed in Highever. Gloria and Saul had decided that it was time for their son, David, to take over the inn, but the two weren't quite ready to retire just yet. When they heard that Fergus was looking for someone to help in Amaranthine, they had offered their services. It turned out that they were more than qualified. Saul, as it turned out, was more than an innkeeper; he had also kept the books for several of the shipping companies around Highever and was a very experienced accountant. Gloria had really been there for her when she had woken up without Zevran, acting like a surrogate mother to the elf in one of the darkest days of her life. Had she not been expected in Amaranthine, Eriana would have been tempted to stay and let the Barrets take care of her for a few days. Besides, Gloria made the best raisin bread Eriana had ever tasted. _

Even with help from the Barrets and the Couslands, Eraina still had a lot to do, so she had spent all of her spare time over the last few days making all the last minute arrangements with Nathaniel, Brendan, and Keenan, and for the most part everything seemed to finally be falling into place. There was only one thing that was bothering her, but she really didn't feel comfortable talking about it with everyone. So she waited until their last meeting was over to bring up her concerns to Nathaniel.

"Nate," she said, catching his arm as the others were making their way out of her office, "you got a minute? There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Anything, Ana, what's on your mind?"

"Too much to say really," she said with a sigh. "I've just been getting this uneasy feeling here lately; I guess I've just been worried."

"Oh, is it about Aedan; has he been getting a little too familiar lately? I've been kind of worried that might happen."

"What? No, Aedan has been fine. Well, for the most part anyway."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's nothing really; he has been getting a little, um, well a bit more forward in his affections lately. It's not been a problem, per say; just a bit uncomfortable, and obvious."

Eriana wasn't about to say anything to Nathaniel about this, but Aedan's behavior had concerned her a lot here of late. When he had first arrived a month ago, everything had been just fine; they had been spending a lot of time together as friends and nothing more. However, as the weeks had passed, the young nobleman had been getting more and more aggressive in his attempts to woo her. He hadn't gone so far as to proposition her directly, but he has basically done everything but in her opinion. It was a delicate situation for the young elf, one she hoped to handle on her own. That's why she hadn't brought it up to Nathaniel. She only had to make it through the celebration, then he would be back in Highever. Problem solved.

"You know, I've actually been a bit worried about him. He is always hanging around and everything, but I didn't say anything because I knew you two were friends. I didn't want to worry you or anything," Nathaniel said.

"Why were you worried?" she asked, coming to sit down beside him on the couch. Nathaniel stretched and draped his arm across the back of the couch behind her.

"Because I grew up with Aedan, and I know how he can be sometimes, especially when it comes to women. He's a second son, and as far as nobility goes, they can be the absolute worst of us. They get all the privileges wealth and status provide with none of the responsibility. Trust me, I know; I saw it all. My brother Thomas was one of the worst."

Eriana's breath caught at the mention of Nathaniel's brother, but she didn't say anything. "In fact," Nathaniel continued, "my brother and Aedan used to spend a lot of time together running around Denerim back when they were young."

Eriana felt the blood drain from her face at that news. "Aedan and Thomas were friends?" She tried to ask casually, but the concerned look Nathaniel shot her made it clear that she had failed.

His eyes narrowed as he looked over at her. "Yeah, they spent a lot of time prowling around Denerim together when I was in the Free Marches. According to Deliah, they did a good job disgracing both our families for a while."

Eriana's head spun as she considered the implications of this. If Aedan spent time in Denerim when he was younger, then there was a good chance she met him on occasion? Did Aedan ever pull her from the tavern like so many other noblemen had? Was he one of the faces that had all bleed together in her mind? Even worse, had he been there with Thomas that night that he had beaten her so savagely? She couldn't remember; the men who had been there with Thomas were simply shadows in her memory, faceless forms who laughed at her as she writhed in pain. Was he one of those faceless men, and if he was, what did that mean for her? Sure he treated with kindness and respect now, that much was true, but how much of that was due to her role as Hero of Ferelden? Would that all change if he ever discovered what she truly was? Would he try something with her? The possibility must have shaken her more than she realized because Nathaniel reached out to comfort her. The moment his hands grazed her arms, she jerked away, instinctually scrambling to her feet and out of his reach, her eyes wide.

"Maker, Ana, what is the matter?"

"Nothing, it's nothing," she said, shaking her head trying to clear her head a bit. "I'm just surprised that they knew each other, that's all. But Aedan hasn't been a problem; I actually wanted to talk about someone else."

Nathaniel looked at her carefully for a second, trying to figure out what had set her off. "Alright then, if you say all's okay, I believe you," he said, but it was clear that it wasn't the end of that discussion. "So what was it that's been worrying you?"

"To be completely honest, it's been too quiet around here for my liking. I don't know, it's a bit unnerving, like something major is about to happen."

"What do you mean too quiet? It is never quiet around this many Wardens, especially if Oghren is among them."

Eriana grinned, "True, but you know full well what I'm talking about. It's been over two months since the Mother's forces laid siege to the keep, and we have yet to be attacked by anything other than darkspawn."

"And this has you worried?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact it does. Think about it, Nathaniel; I still have tons of enemies out there. What better time to attack me than when my defenses are the weakest? Yet, no one has done a thing."

Nathaniel smiled and sat down beside her. "You don't think that maybe that means there's no one out there trying to kill you."

Eriana shook her head. "I wish, but I'm pretty sure that's not the case. I have it on good authority that there have been inquiries made about me, though the specifics are a bit fuzzy as of yet."

"Good authority? What are you talking about?"

"I met with the Dark Wolf while we were in Amaranthine, and he said…"

"Wait," Nathaniel said, taking her by the shoulders and turning her to face him. "You met with the Wolf? When? Aedan or I was with you the entire time we were in the city."

Eriana grinned slightly. "He paid me a visit one night."

"In the tavern?"

"In my room."

Nathaniel practically growled. "He was in your room?"

Eriana laughed. "I didn't exactly invite him up, you know. He just showed up our second night there." She took Nathaniel's hand. "Don't worry; I'm here; I'm unharmed."

"What did he want?"

"Well, after he berated me for a lack of security on my part, he offered me a warning. Apparently, he and his contacts have been hearing my name being whispered in certain unsavory circles. He didn't know anything specific, but he could tell me most of the chatter isn't coming from Amaranthine; it's coming from Denerim."

"Denerim?"

Eriana nodded. "Not that I'm surprised by that or anything; I always assumed that I had enemies in the capital."

"But you stopped the blight; you saved the entire nation. How could they want to kill you after that?"

Eriana threw her arms out. "Look at me Nathaniel. Yeah, I may have stopped the blight, but that doesn't change who or what I am. I'm a back gutter, knife eared, street rat who has managed to elevate herself into one of the most influential and powerful political positions in the nation. All of a sudden, I have vassals and the ear of the King. There are a lot of people out there who resent me for that, and a lot of people who would have preferred it if I hadn't survived to see the end of the Blight."

"You didn't set out to gain this political position, though. Besides," he added hastily, "you're not a street rat."

"Once upon a time, I was," she said with a smile. "You know that this position was not my aim, but I would never be able to convince the nobility of that. I'm dangerous to a lot of people as long as I'm alive because I mess up the status quo, throw everything out of balance. I'm sure a lot of people would rejoice at my demise, and some who are likely working to secure it."

"And you thought they would attack you here?"

"I was almost sure of it."

"Why didn't you say anything about it, then?"

"It was just a hunch; I didn't have anything solid to go on, not until the Dark Wolf approached me about it," she said with a sigh. "He warned me, wanted me to be careful in Denerim."

Nathaniel's eyes narrowed. "You're not going to Denerim until the celebration; surely no one would try anything then. I mean, you're a national hero for the Maker's sake. Who would try to kill you at a celebration meant to honor you?"

Eriana gave a bitter laugh. "Are you kidding, that's the best time for them to kill me. I'll be vulnerable, out in the open, there will be crowds everywhere. Plus, every eye in the nation will be on Denerim. It's the perfect time to make a statement to prove to everyone that I'm unworthy of all this." Eriana dropped her eyes and moved behind her desk. "Here," she said, pulling out an envelope of papers, "these are standing orders, should something happen over the next month."

"Ana…"

"No, listen, provisions have to be made. If the worst happens, Brendan is to take over as Warden Commander with you as his second. He will handle the Warden business while you oversee the political side of things. There are a few letters in there, one in particular needs to go to Braxton, the barkeep at the Gnawed Noble Tavern, the rest you should be able to figure out."

"We're not discussing this, Ana…"

"And one more thing," she said, ignoring his protests completely. "Could you put my remains with Asala; I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her alone. Promise me, Nathaniel."

Nathaniel moved around the desk so quickly, her breath caught for a moment. Taking her by the shoulders, he looked down into her eyes, his stormy eyes blazing. "No, I can't promise you that because nothing is going to happen to you, not on my watch. From now on, I am taking over your private security. Warden duties come second, your safety is first."

"What, Nathaniel, no."

"Yes, I never realized just how vulnerable you felt, and I'm sorry I haven't done what it takes to make you feel safe. But no more. I will protect you, and as long as I draw breath, I swear to you no one will touch you."

Eriana gave Nathaniel a brief hug. "Thank you, Nate, I appreciate it, I really do, but surely you don't think I'm taking this threat lying down do you? I've already made arrangements for a few of our people to head into Denerim early so they can get a sense of what's going on."

"Who do you plan on sending?"

"Garen definitely. He knows all the tricks for getting around Denerim, and I'm sure he still has contacts within the city's underbelly."

"Sigrun would be good, too," Nathaniel pointed out.

"Yeah, I've talked to her about it as well; she's knows how to deal with thugs and what not." She glanced up at Nathaniel. "See, I've got this under control. I just need to make sure I've got back up plans in place."

"Regardless, I still think you need someone in charge of your security."

"I don't need a body guard."

Nathaniel looked her in the eye. "If Zevran was here, what would he be doing?"

Eriana sighed, "He'd probably be acting like a body guard, watching my every move, but…"

"No buts, he knew what you were capable of. He knew you could take care of yourself, but he'd still be looking out for your best interest. So that's what I'll do. We have enough wardens now to put someone in charge of your safety; trust me, it's what's best for all of us. You have too much on your mind to really think about yourself and your safety; let someone else be in charge of that. If you don't want me to do it, fine, but someone needs to."

"You're not going to let this drop, are you?" Nathaniel shook his head. "Fine, it I'm going to have a body guard forced on me, I suppose I'd prefer it to be you, and not just because you're the best rogue I've got. I know I can always trust you to look out for what's best for me."

"Then it's settled?"

Eriana nodded, "I suppose it is."

_-0-_

_Nathaniel made the most of his last few days at the keep. He spent most of his time going over the itinerary for the week's celebrations. There were banquets, balls, parades, chantry ceremonies, and even a landsmeet. All in all, it was a security nightmare, but he was determined to make sure Eriana was as safe as possible through it all. He met secretly with every Warden who was going to Denerim and reviewed instructions for every day they were in the city as well as contingency plans for any type of attack he could conceive. They were as prepared as they could possibly be, so Nathaniel should have felt a bit more relaxed. But he wasn't. His mind kept going back to the brief conversation he and Eriana had had about Aedan and Thomas. For the life of him, Nathaniel couldn't figure out why Eriana had frozen up the way she had when he mentioned his brother or why she seemed to be suddenly more wary of Aedan. Ever since their brief talk, Eriana wouldn't be alone with the nobleman; in fact, she seemed wary around just about everyone but him and Oghren. It must have something to do with her background, but beyond what happened during and just before the blight, Nathaniel knew very little about her past, and she wasn't exactly open about it. So Nathaniel kept quiet, intending to keep a close eye on the nobleman as they made the two day journey to Denerim. _

_They were well into their first day before Nathaniel felt the need to step in._ They had been riding most of the morning and were taking a brief break to eat lunch and allow the horses a chance to rest. Aedan was standing over Eriana who was leaning against a tree, looking a bit uncomfortable; he was practically on top of her, nearly trapping her between his body and the tree. Eriana had been riding with Aedan for most of the day, and during their down time, Aedan wouldn't leave her alone.

Nathaniel decided that he'd had enough. "Commander," Nathaniel said, standing up and strolling over to where the two were standing. "Why don't you ride the rest of the day with me; give Aedan here a chance to rest." Aedan opened his mouth to protest, but Nathaniel continued. "Don't worry, Aedan, she will be safe with me; I promise that I won't allow anything to happen to her. I know how demanding she can be, and I'd hate for you to burden yourself for the entire journey."

Eriana gave him a grateful smile before turning back to the stunned nobleman. "Nathaniel's right; I've imposed on your good graces far too long. Thank you for putting up with me all this time, Aedan." He tried once more to protest, "No, no, my friend I insist; you shouldn't have to spend the rest of your journey making sure I don't tumble headlong off the horse." She patted him on the shoulder and dipped under his arm to join Nathaniel as he walked over to his horse on the other side of the camp.

"Thank you so much, Nate; you have no idea how awkward that was starting to get. You are my hero, and I promise I won't be any trouble. You won't even know I'm here."

Nathaniel laughed and gave her a boost up into the saddle and handed her the reins as he climbed up behind her. She held the reins out for him, but he shook his head. "No, this isn't a free ride so much as it is a lesson. You are going to guide the horse." Eriana turned and looked at him wide-eyed. "No, I'm serious; this is something you need to learn. Don't worry; I'm here if anything should happen. And just think, once you learn to ride a horse yourself, you'll never have to ride with Aedan again."

Eriana grinned, "Oh, I like that, but I'm not afraid of controlling them, per say; I'm a ranger after all. I'm more nervous about the height. I'm rather short you know, and it's a long way down from these big war horses."

"Well that can be fixed. When we get back to Amaranthine, I'm going to find you a small, fast horse. Problem solved. Now, sit up and take the reins. It's a rope not a snake, get a good hold of them. You're doing well thus far; now just squeeze your legs a little bit to get the horse moving, good…"

"You've got me, right?"

"You're safe with me, Eriana; I told you, I'm not going to let anything hurt you, not an assassin and not a horse." Eriana giggled. "You're doing great." Nathaniel spent the rest of the day whispering instructions and advice into Eriana's ear as she controlled the horse. After the first hour or so, she seemed to relax a bit, allowing herself to sit back in the saddle against his chest. If he didn't know better, he would have thought that she might actually be enjoying herself a bit, and she definitely seemed to be relaxing for the first time in weeks.

They stopped an hour or so before nightfall to make camp, and as soon as they dismounted, Eriana and Nathaniel grabbed their bows and disappeared into the woods to hunt for dinner. They made a good hunting team, the two rogues. She usually spotted the animals first by virtue of her superior eyesight, and he would often claim the kill as he was the better archer. Somehow, though, he always ended up carrying the carcasses back to camp, regardless of what they killed. That night found him carrying back a pair of geese and a few rabbits while Eriana walked quietly behind him.

Later that night, after the rest of their party had enjoyed the fruits of their labors, Nathaniel found Eriana sitting on the edge of camp, away from the fire. Grabbing a blanket, he made his way over to her, and after placing it over her narrow shoulders, Nathaniel sat down beside her. "I was afraid you might get cold sitting out here all by yourself," he said. She smiled up at him and pulled the blanket securely around her. "I've been wondering something. You've never really seemed to have a fear of heights from what I can tell, so why the fear of falling off a horse? It's always seemed a bit odd to me."

"I guess it goes back to my childhood. My mother and I were traveling through the marketplace in Denerim one day when I was young, and an elven child darted out in front of a horse. The horse must have gotten spooked because it bucked and threw its rider before running over the child. Both the kid and the rider were killed, the child trampled to death and the rider broke his neck." Eriana shivered, "It was traumatizing. I guess I never really got over it." She glanced over at Nathaniel. "Not that it was a problem while living in the Alienage, mind you; we didn't exactly have a lot or any horses in there. It didn't really become a problem until I started hanging around with humans. You all love your horses."

"I'm sorry that you had to witness that," Nathaniel said, putting an arm around her and pulling her close. "No child should have to see something like that."

Eriana shook her head and leaned against him, staring ahead into the darkness. Suddenly she turned to him, "Nathaniel, we're friends, right?"

"Of course, Ana," why would you ask me that?"

She sighed and turned to look up at him, "I need you to promise me something, and it's going to seem strange, but it's important."

"Sure Eriana, anything."

"Promise me that you won't fall in love with me." Nathaniel drew back and looked at her, a stunned and confused look crossing his face. "I'm serious I need you to promise me that."

"Um, I won't fall in love with you."

"Good," she said pulling her knees up to her chest and pulling the cloak around her. "Because nothing good happens to people who fall in love with me. Trust me, it's for your own good if you just stay away. My past is littered with the broken and destroyed lives of people who were foolish enough to care about me. My mother, my brother, my first husband, Zevran…" She sighed and put her head down on her knees. "I'm not saying we can't be friends, but…it's just this all feels familiar, this with you…how close we've become, how protective you've been and everything…I'm just worried, that's all, and it would be best for you if we avoided all that."

"How long have you felt this way?"

Eriana shrugged, "It's a recent development; besides, I think things would be easier for me if I didn't let myself get involved with anyone."

Nathaniel looked down at her and stroked her hair. "Look, Eriana, I know things have been rough in your past, but that doesn't mean you should shut yourself off entirely to everyone."

"I'm not shutting myself off, not really; I'm just not looking for love right now. I don't destroy the lives of my friends, just the people who love me. They're the only ones in any real danger, so you can't fall for me, okay. I've already been careless with Anders and Adean, and I can't let you get too close. Please."

"Well don't worry about me, Ana, there was little chance of me falling for you anyway." Eriana raised an eyebrow and looked at him. "Let's just say you're not my type."

Eriana looked at him for a moment, her head cocked to one side. Suddenly her eyes widened. "Oh, so are you…"

Nathaniel laughed, "No, no, I definitely like woman. What you think any man who doesn't fall at your feet is gay?" Eriana blushed and started stuttering, protesting and trying to explain herself. Nathaniel nudged her, "I'm kidding. I've seen how men, especially how noble human men act around you, and you're beautiful, don't get me wrong. But I don't have a thing for elves."

Eriana stiffened, "I see, so you don't like me because I'm an elf, then."

"Oh, ho ho, didn't you just ask me not to fall for you? And now you're upset that it's not a possibility. Look, this isn't about me disliking elves; quite the opposite really…ugh, how do I explain this and not insult you?" He took a deep breath, "I grew up watching a lot of nobles treat elves like scum, my father among them. I mean, he treated our dogs better than he treated the elven women who worked in our kitchens. It was disgusting the way that they would subjugate these women, just because they weren't human. Then when I was sixteen, my father decided that I needed to squire out in the Free Marches, but that I shouldn't go without experiencing, as he put it, 'at least a little taste of what Fereldan had to offer.' So that night he came into my room with a young elven girl who worked in our dairy; she couldn't have been more than fourteen. He threw her on my bed and told me that she was my going away present, one last taste of home was it were."

Eriana went very pale. "Nathaniel, did you?"

"Of course not; the very thought of it turned my stomach completely. I saw her lying there on my bed, her eyes wide with fear, and I couldn't have done it even if I had wanted to. Ever since then, though, I haven't been able to look at an elf in a sexual way. I always felt like I would be taking advantage of them, like it was dirty to have those kinds of feelings for them, for you." Nathaniel looked over at Eriana and noticed that she was shaking. "Eriana, are you okay; what's wrong? You're trembling."

"Nate, that could have been me."

"What? But you never worked in Amaranthine."

She shook her head, "No, that's not what I meant. But something like that could have very well happened to me." He felt her shudder beside him, so he drew her closer. "In fact, things like that did happen to me." Nathaniel glanced down at her, listening as she began to pour her heart out. She told him about the noblemen who would abduct her on the way home from working in the tavern, about the guards who would threaten to arrest her if she didn't yield, about Vaghun who had stolen her away on her wedding day, about Thomas and how he had abused her in front of his friends...

"Wait, Thomas? That's how you knew my brother; he beat you up?"

Eriana's face fell; she pulled away from him, her face buried in her hands. "Oh, Nathaniel. I didn't mean to say that; I just started talking, and it kind of spilled out…I please don't hate me, Nate. I swear I didn't want you to find out about this."

Nathaniel took her hands and looked into her eyes. "Stop, calm down. Okay, I'm not going to be angry, but I do need you to tell me exactly what Thomas did to you." Eriana shook her head, unable to quite meet his eyes. "Ana, please; I need to know." She looked up at him, her blue eyes shimmering with newly sprung tears and began to tell her story. Nathaniel listened in horror as she explained how Thomas had wooed her, convincing her that she was special and important to him, how he had promised that he would marry her and take her away from the alienage, and how, like a fool, she had believed him.

"But it was all a rouse; he never loved me. He was just using me. After a few weeks, he told me that he was leaving and wanted to introduce me to his parents before he they returned to Amaranthine. I was so excited because I had just realized that I was pregnant; I was going to tell him that night. I thought he'd be so pleased. When I arrived, though, it was just Thomas and a big group of his friends. He told them who I was and then they all laughed at me. Then he…" she stopped again and put her head on her knees, unable to look at Nate anymore. "Then he tried to pass me around among his friends, and when I refused and tried to fight, they began to beat me."

"Maker's mercy, that was Thomas who did that to you? And he's the one who got you pregnant, too?" Eriana nodded. "So he was the one who caused your miscarriage too then?" Again Eriana nodded. Nathaniel suddenly got very serious. He knelt in front of her; taking her hands in his, he looked her square in the eye. "Was Aedan among them, Ana; was he there?"

"I don't know; I can't remember who was there that night, but you said the two of them hung out together all the time. He could have been there, but I doubt he'd even remember me; they were all so drunk at the time."

"Sweet Maker, no wonder you've seemed tense lately, the things you've been through and at my brother's hand, not knowing if your friend was a part of it."

"I'm so sorry, Nathaniel. I really don't mean to bad mouth your brother, and I swear I didn't intend to ever say anything. I mean, I was young, not even sixteen, and really should have known better, and I'm not that weak person now, not anymore."

"Stop," Nathaniel said, looking down at her, his grey eyes stormy and cool as ice. "You will not blame yourself for this. This was not your fault, so don't even try to take the blame." Nathaniel stood up and began pacing in front of her like a wolf prowling a fence line. "How did you ever come to trust me after all my family has done to you? What my father did to you was bad enough, but couple that with Thomas. Why didn't you kill me the moment you met me, and why on earth would you trust me to fight with you?"

Eriana glanced up at him. "Because you are not Thomas no more than you are your father."

"But you didn't know that then."

"True, but at the time my life had very little value to me. I guess I didn't care what you did to me." She sighed, "I was in a dark place back then, Nate, and in a lot of ways I'm still there. I'm doing better now, but at that time, I didn't care if you killed me or not. I just wanted to stop hurting."

Nathaniel turned and back to her; pulling her on her feet, he crushed her into his chest. He felt the tension in her shoulders relax as she rested her head against him. "Eriana, I swear to you, if by my life or by my death I can preserve you, I will, and as long as I am here, I won't let anyone hurt you. I will be the truest friend you will ever know and will be here for you whenever you need me." He felt Eriana's shoulders shake and he realized that she was crying as he held her. "You are not alone anymore, my friend; you need not fear that any longer." He pulled her back and looked down at her, "And since you don't have to worry about me falling for you, you can use me as a shield to ward off any unwelcomed suitors."

Eriana laughed and leaned into Nathaniel's warm embrace. Leaning her head on his chest, the young elf felt safe for the first time in ages. "Thank you, Nathaniel."

-0-

Okay, so I lied. I went out of town last week and didn't quite have the next chapter ready before I left, sorry. I wasn't really happy with the first part of the chapter, so it underwent numerous rewrites - hence the delay.

Anyway, I hope it was worth the wait. Thanks everyone for hanging in with me! Let me know what you think.


	36. Chapter 36

Eriana really hated traveling. Granted traveling on horseback with an army of servants was the lap of luxury compared to the traveling she had become accustomed to during the blight, but she quickly learned that traveling with nobles was no picnic, despite the benefits that it afforded. She liked the Cousland men, they were kind-hearted and good natured, but they were not used to roughing it, not by a long shot. Dear Maker did they turn into winey boys on the trail, needing to stop and make camp well before nightfall, waiting for their servants to set up camp and cook, and demonstrating other various behaviors typical of the over-indulged sect. As such, a trip that could have taken her and Nathaniel a day and a half of hard travel on horseback, ended up taking four and a half days. The walls of Denerim had never looked so inviting.

The royal couple was waiting to greet them in the courtyard of the royal palace. Fergus and Aedan greeted the King and Queen first, exchanging formal handshakes and a few short words while Eriana and Nathaniel spoke briefly with Brendan who was in charge of overseeing the Wardens for the next few weeks. Eriana would be too busy with all the formalities and ceremonies she was expected to be a part of to do anything Warden related. After the Couslands moved away to speak to the other nobles already there, Nathaniel and Eriana made their way over to the King and Queen. She was expecting a rather cool greeting from Anora; after all, the Queen had often seen and treated Eriana as a threat due to the elf's close relationship with the King. However, much to her surprise, Anora pulled the young elf into a massive hug. Eriana tried her best not to tense up in the human's embrace. The Queen pulled back, keeping her hands on the elf's arms. "I am so sorry," she whispered to her, a brief but genuine look of compassion on her face. Then she smiled her queenly smile and raised her voice, "It is so good to see you Commander. We are happy to have you back in the city." She gave her a pat and released her, turning to greet Nathaniel, Brendan, and Oghren.

Alistair smiled at Eriana and gave her a brief formal hug, hitting her on the shoulder with his closed fist in a brotherly kind of way. They exchanged brief pleasantries, discussing the trip and such, knowing that there would be time for a proper greeting once they were out of the public eye. Anora turned to address the entire group. "Wardens, we wished we could offer you all rooms here in the palace, but with so many nobles coming in for the celebration, there simply isn't room. We have prepared the Warden compound for you, and it is fully staffed." She turned to Eriana. "We have rooms prepared for you in the palace, Commander. Given you position and all, we thought it would be best if you would stay there."

"No," Nathaniel, Brendan, and Oghren all said before Eriana had a chance to respond. Both the King and Queen looked a bit taken aback by the abrupt response. "She's not staying in the palace alone," Nathaniel added.

Eriana rolled her eyes. "Excuse them Majesties," she said, putting on her brightest smile. "My Wardens have been a bit overly protective of me lately since several of my vassals attempted to kill me. We took care of the situation, but there are a few members of the conspiracy who are not accounted for."

Anora looked a bit offended. "You can rest assured that you will be safe in the palace. The entire palace will be adequately guarded, of course."

"Of course," Nathaniel said, "and we don't doubt your guards or the measures you have taken, but you can understand our desire to see to the protection of our commanding officer ourselves. As you said, there will be a lot of people staying at the palace, and they have no doubt brought servants of their own. There will be a lot of unfamiliar faces moving about the palace over the next few weeks; your guards can't be expected to keep up with every one of them. These are just extra precautions that we will be putting into place to ensure her saftey."

Alistair's eyes narrowed as he looked over at Eriana. She knew that look far too well; he suspected that she was keeping something from them. But he didn't say anything. Instead he just nodded. "That sounds reasonable. What would you suggest, Warden Howe?"

"Three Wardens will be staying with the Commander, Oghren, Garen, and myself."

"Two rogues?"

Eriana smiled. "Think about it, Ali…Your Majesty. If anyone tries to break into my room, it would likely be a rogue. Who better to detect a rogue than another rogue?"

"That makes sense, I suppose," Anora said. "All the other members of the nobility will undoubtedly be bringing their own guards as well. You will be in your old rooms, so we can have some cots brought into the sitting room for your Wardens."

Eriana felt herself pale a bit. Her old rooms, as in the ones she shared with Zevran during the four months that the two of them had lived in the palace. She felt the bile slightly rising in her stomach. "No, remember we moved her to the other side of the palace," Alistair said. "The rooms are similar, but not the same." Eriana breathed a sigh of relief that was obviously not lost on either Nathaniel or Alistair.

"I'm sure whatever rooms you provide will be fine, your Majesties. As it is, we will let you see to your other guests while we get settled in." The royal couple smiled as they said their goodbyes. Eriana had no doubt that she would be seeing at least half of the couple rather soon.

She was right, of course; Alistair showed up in her room a few hours after dinner. Her personal Warden bodyguards bowed out to give the two old friends some privacy. She smiled to herself as Alistair pulled her into a big hug. "How have you been," he asked, stepping back so he could look down at her face.

"Better, a lot better."

"You're looking better, Ana. I was worried when I had to leave you, but it seems you're back on your feet."

Eriana nodded. "Anders and Petra have been taking good care of me. I'm almost back to full strength; I just need to get back to full speed with my daggers and everything will be back to normal. Nathaniel has been working with me on that, so it's getting better."

"That's good to hear." Alistair took a deep breath, "Now what's the deal with the extra security? Is there something going on that I need to know about?"

Eriana fought back a grin. "I knew you'd be up here asking about that. It's nothing, really. Haden Temmerly is still missing, and he was a big part of the conspiracy against me. Nathaniel is just being extra cautious while we're here, that's all. He seems to think that this would be an ideal opportunity for an attack."

Alistair glared at her for a moment, an inquisitive look on his face. "There's more isn't there, something more you're not telling me?" Eriana sighed. "Look, if you're in danger, Ana, I have a right to know."

"Look, Al, it's just Nathaniel being extra protective, that's all. My arling has been in a state of turmoil since the darkspawn attack, and he just wants to make sure I'm protected. I mean, you of all people should understand that."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that back during the blight, you got to acting so overly protective of me, it wasn't even funny. Do you remember that day right after we cleaned up the tower when Zevran and I got attacked by darkspawn?" Alistair nodded. "You assumed that Zevran had attacked me, despite the fact that he had done nothing but protect me for the past few months."

"Yeah, I kind of over reacted there, didn't I?"

Eriana laughed. "You could say that again. I woke up to find out that out knocked him around and had him tied up."

"Okay, fine; Nathaniel is over-reacting, I guess the males around you have a tendency to do that for some reason. But you would tell me if there was actually something going on, right?"

"Of course," Eriana lied, giving Alistair a huge smile.

"Good," he said, settling down beside her on the couch, "because, as your best friend I have a right to know when someone's trying to hurt you." Eriana laughed good-naturedly and quickly changed the subject. They talked briefly about the upcoming ceremony, the improvements being made in Amaranthine, and other trivial things. He had been in her room for about half an hour when Alistair's face turned serious again. "So there's been something I've been meaning to ask you, but I'm not sure exactly how to phrase it."

"Oh something that's gotten you tongue-tied? I'm intrigued."

Alistair draped an arm across the back of the couch and turned to face her. "Ana, what plans do you have for the foreseeable future, you know, now that the darkspawn threat has been taken care of?"

"Well, the darkspawn threat is never really taken care of. 'In peace, vigilance' and all that. But I guess I plan to spend most of the winter overseeing repairs to the Keep and the city; then in the spring, Brenden and a few others will go on a recruiting trip around the country…"

Alistair shook his head, "No, I wasn't talking about your plans for the Wardens. I was talking about you, you personally. What are your plans?"

Eriana's brow wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean, my plans? Those are the only plans I have right now. Alistair, the Wardens are my life right now; there's really nothing else. My father is safe and provided for here. Shianni is getting the alienage back on track. What else is there for me?"

"So no trip to Antiva any time in the future, or anything like that?"

Eriana sighed, "No, there are no plans for any trips to Antiva, not now, not ever as far as I'm concerned."

"Well, that's good to hear. Our ambassadors in Antiva have just returned. Apparently, all foreign ambassadors were advised to leave the country. It seems that there's some kind of conflict going on with our favorite assassins' guild."

"I suppose that's to be expected, right?"

Alistair nodded. "I guess you already knew all about that, then? Has he told you what his plans are?"

Eriana shook her head. "No, Alistair, he' not told me anything. In fact, I haven't heard anything from Antiva at all. Not a letter, not a quick word from a messenger, nada."

"I'm sorry, Ana," Alistair said, patting her on the arm. "But I figured that not hearing from him would make you all the more anxious to leave, you know, once things got settled down here."

"What, are you eager for me to leave the country or something?"

Alistair smiled, "Of course not, you know that. I just thought that with losing the baby and everything, you might be eager to see him. I know that you miss him; I just didn't want you to disappear without telling me."

Eriana rolled her eyes. "Alistair, honestly, when have I ever struck you as the kind of girl who would go running off alone to a foreign country, chasing a man who may or may not want me?"

"What do you mean may or may not want you? Of course he wants you, that's not why he left and you know it."

"I thought I did," she muttered almost to herself. "It's not just about that anyway. I'm just not the kind of girl who chases after a man, you know that. I have a bit too much pride to do something as desperate as that."

"I know, but I just thought that Asala's death might have changed things, you know, made you swallow your pride and go after what you really want."

"Oh, it did; her death changed a lot," Eriana said. "But it didn't change who I am. It just made me realize just how foolish I had been all this time."

"Foolish?"

"Yeah, foolish. I was foolish to think that things would all of a sudden be perfect for me, that I would get a happy ending from one of those stupid novels Leliana was always reading." The young elf shook her head. "I thought that Zevran and I would have this perfect, ideal life, you know. Sure we'd be working with the Wardens here, but we would be happy, we'd be together. But it was just a childish dream."

"Ana, that's not true and you know it."

"Yes it is. I should have realized that I was never meant for that kind of happiness; it was just never in the cards for me. My life has been one long series of lost loves and dreams." She shook her head and looked into the fire. "You think that I would have learned better than to open my heart up like that. Love has burned me so many times before, but like a moth, I kept returning to that flame, hoping that this time it would be different, this time I wouldn't get singed when I get close. Well, no more. I've learned the cost of love, and I have the scars to prove it. I will not put myself through that again, not for anyone."

Alistair looked shocked, "Ana, you can't mean that. You know he left you to protect you; it's the only reason he would ever do that. He loves you; you know this."

"I know, but sometimes love simply isn't enough. That's the case for me anyway. Love will never be enough, so it will be better for me if I simply learn to live without it."

Alistair sighed, "Wow, Eriana, I never pegged you for a cynic."

"I'm not a cynic, Alistair; I'm just not a child anymore. It's time that I faced the fact that the world is a dark place, and not everyone gets a happy ending. If Asala's death taught me anything, it's that. And the more I hope for that happy ending, the more I'll simply end up hurting myself." Eriana turned and looked up at Alistair. "Maybe I should have named that baby Hope instead of Asala because that died in me right alongside of her."

"I don't believe that, Ana; that's not you."

"It is now."

Alistair gently took her chin and turned her head so that she met his eyes. "I don't think so. I don't believe you've lost all hope entirely."

"And what makes you believe that?"

"This," he said, tracing her diamond earring with the soft part of his thumb. "If you have no hope for his return, then why do you still wear this? You wouldn't. I think there's a part of you that still wants to hold on to the idea of him; part of you that wants him so bad, it hurts. That why you are trying so hard to shut your heart off because you are still holding on to the hope that he's returning."

Eriana's eyes filled with tears as she jerked her head out of his hand. "Damn you, Alistair," she growled through clinched teeth.

"Ana, it's okay; you love him, regardless of how angry you are at him right now or how much you're hurting. Hope is still alive in you, Ana, no matter how much you've tried to kill it or suppress it. It's there."

"But I don't want to hope anymore, Alistair; it's too hard. I hate myself every time I ask for the post, hoping to see a letter with an Antivan postmark. I hate that I can't bring myself to get rid of his things in the hope that he might come back for them. I hate the fact that every time I want to cut my hair, I stop because I know how much he likes it long, and I don't want to disappoint him when he returns. I hate the fact that I think about him every time I see this earring, but I still can't for the life of me put it away," she said, dissolving into a mess of tears. "And I hate that I can't just let him go, and it kills me. I don't want to hurt anymore; I just want it to go away. I want to let him go, but I can as long as there's still hope."

"And that's okay, Ana. As long as you know what you're dealing with, you can face it; you can combat the pain. But if you're in denial of how you really feel, you will only continue hate yourself and will never get past it." Alistair pulled her to his chest, stroking her back gently. "Having hope isn't bad; it's what makes you human."

Eriana looked up at him, "Alistair, I'm not human." The two Wardens looked at each other for a moment before they both burst into laughter.

"You feel better?" Alistair asked once the two had finally calmed down a bit. Eriana grinned and nodded up at him. "Good. Look, Ana, I know you're hurting right now, but you're too young to give up completely, you're not even twenty yet, for Andraste's sake. Whether it's with Zevran or someone else, I know you will find happiness; you just have to be willing to put yourself out there."

"But…"

"I'm not saying it has to happen tomorrow, but you can't live your whole life in fear. I know you, you will never be happy living that kind of a life, always trying your hardest to shut everyone out. And try as you might, you won't be able to fill that emptiness with Warden duties. Work isn't a substitute for life."

Erina sighed, "I know, Alistair, but it's too soon and right now, it just hurts too much. I'll think about what you said, but I'm not promising anything."

"I guess that's all I can ask," he said giving her a small kiss on the forehead.

"Oi," Oghren said from the doorway. "Why is it that every time I leave you alone with her; you always manage to make her cry?"

"It's not my fault," Alistair said, putting his hands up defensively as Nathaniel and Garen followed the dwarf into the room. "It's not like I enjoy making her cry; she's a lot more fun when she's happy."

"I know, I know, I'm just messin with ya, Al"

Alistair looked back at the elf, "I guess I need to get back to Anora. Will you be alright?"

Eriana glanced up at her Wardens and smiled. "Yeah, Alistair, I'll be just fine." She got up and gave the King a big hug. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Alistair nodded and leaned down to her ear, "Just remember what I said, Ana; you deserve to be happy." He let her go and, nodding to the three Wardens, made his way out of the room. Eriana watched him go with a slight pain in her heart. Sure she deserved to be happy, but when had she ever gotten what she deserved?

-0-

It was her own personal Hell; it was as if everything Eriana hated had been thrown into a single week and she was forced to be smack dab in the middle of it all. Sure the country was happy, sure they needed to celebrate their victory, but did they really need her to be present for it. Before the first day was over, Eriana made a silent vow to be out of the country or in the deeproads when the fifth year celebration rolled around.

The anniversary celebration started out with a long chantry ceremony where the Grand Cleric of Denerim spoke for nearly two hours recounting the Wardens' triumphs during the blight and the Maker's guidance of the Warden Commander herself. Eriana had to sit in the front of the chantry through the entire ceremony, and for someone used to constant motion, two hours is a long time to sit still. Eriana would have felt terribly exposed sitting there in the front with her back to everyone but the Grand Cleric were it not for the solid wall of Wardens that were surrounding her. She found it almost humorous at first, sitting there flanked on either side by two former Redcliffe Knights, Theo and Martin, with Brendan and two other knights sitting directly behind her. The rest of her Grey Wardens were also sitting around her, making it impossible for anyone to approach her from behind. There were only two Wardens missing, Sigrun and Garen, both of whom Eriana was sure were present, hiding behind the Grand Cleric, watching the ceremony from the shadows.

Despite their best efforts, the two Wardens had uncovered nothing during their week in Denerim before Eriana's arrival. If there was a conspiracy in place against the commander, whoever was planning it was playing it close to the chest. The Dark Wolf obviously had some good contacts in the city to have heard about it, but Garen and Sigrun hadn't been able to ferret anything out. As a result, Nathaniel had discreetly doubled the defenses around Eriana, especially during the parade through Denerim that culminated in a big ceremony on the steps of the palace.

That was the thing Eriana was most nervous about, the parade. It was the most public event scheduled for the week, and it was when Eriana would be the most exposed. There was no way to secure the entire route, and Eriana would be on display through the entire parade. There were a thousand places for assassins to hide. She could tell Nathaniel was as nervous as she was through the entire process, his eyes constantly moving across the crowds, looking for possible threats. It seemed to take forever, but they finally made it to the castle gates unharmed. Eriana gave a sigh of relief. Now all she had to do was stand on a stage beside the Grand Cleric and the royal couple. At least this time she was facing the crowd. It made her feel a bit more at ease.

For a while, everything was going smoothly; then all chaos broke loose. Alistair was in the middle of his speech when it happened. Eriana remembered being impressed by how, well, kingly he sounded when a scream erupted from the crowd. Someone shouted something about knife-ears, and everything started moving in slow motion. Brenden grabbed her, throwing them both to the ground, his massive body covering hers as they slammed into the ground. On her other side, Theo did the same thing, diving to the ground on top of the two Wardens, covering her completely but falling on her bow in the process. Almost simultaneously beside her, the three Warden mages turned and cast a mass paralysis spell over a huge section of the crowd. Eriana was blind, trapped beneath the two warriors, but she could hear what was going on around her. People were screaming all around her as those who had not been frozen began to scatter in panic. She heard the soft ring of steel on steel as her Wardens drew their weapons, taking a defensive stance around her. Brendan was barking orders while still keeping her pinned to the ground. The palace guards had ushered the royal couple back into the palace, but there was a single voice that was surprisingly absent from the din, Nathaniel's.

Peering out from beneath the protective shield of Theo and Brendan, Eriana looked frantically around, trying to find the rogue. He should be there; he had been standing right behind her through the entire ceremony. Then one of the warriors shifted, and Eriana saw something that chilled her blood. Nathaniel was laying behind her, clutching his chest where a bolt from a crossbow lodged. "Anders," Eriana cried, wiggling out from beneath the two Wardens and running to the rogue's side. "Anders, I need you now!"

The mage supn around and muttered a quiet curse as he ran to the elf's side, his hands glowing with healing magic. It took him a minute or two, but he finally managed to remove the arrow and handed it to the commander. Eriana examined it closely. "It's poisoned," she hissed. "Quick, Anders, hand me that bag." Rummaging around, she found that antidote for the poison. It was Quiet Death; the same stuff the Crows had used on her back in Amaranthine. Remembering her training, Eriana poured half the vial into the wound before holding the rest to Nathaniel's lips. "Please drink, Nate." The rogue nodded and slowly downed the drink. "Good, now I need you to take deep, slow breaths. This poison will make it hard for you to breathe, but we caught it before it really got into your blood."

"Are you alright?" he whispered, looking up at her.

Eriana smiled, "You were just hit by a poisoned crossbow bolt, and you're asking if I'm okay?" Nathaniel gave a weak nod. Eriana pushed his hair back off his face. "I'm fine; I've got a broken bow, but other than that I'm fine."

Sigrun appeared beside her out of nowhere. "We found the shooter, but the guards managed to get to him first. Garen is following them now, but if we want to talk to him first, we have to move fast."

Eriana nodded. "Anders," she whispered, "I need you to put Nathaniel to sleep."

The mage turned and looked at her. "What?"

"Just knock him out," she hissed, "I don't have time to explain." The mage nodded and a bright light covered the rogue. "No!" Eriana screamed hysterically. "Nathaniel, no. Please, Anders, do something."

"I'm doing everything I can."

Eriana glanced frantically around. "Quickly, Brenden, we need to get him inside." She turned back to the unconscious rogue, holding his hand as he leaned over him. "Please Nathaniel, hang on," she cried. "Don't leave me." She held on to his hand as the Wardens rushed him through the crowds and into the Warden Compound. Once they were behind closed doors, she released his hand. "No one enters this room," she told Theo who nodded and closed the door behind them. "Okay, Anders, wake him up."

"What was that all about," Nathaniel asked, wincing as he propped himself up on his uninjured side.

Eriana grinned. "I needed them to believe I was holding vigil over your unconscious ass if I'm ever going to have a chance to sneak out of here," she said, stripping off her ceremonial armor. Sigrun was at her side, holding a black set of armor out for the elf. "I need to get to that assassin before the guards get a hold of him if I'm going to find out anything of use, but I don't want anyone else to be there when I talk to him. If we're going to catch who's behind this, we can't let anyone know we've caught wind of the plan. They need to think I'm in here fretting over your health while I'm really interrogating the prisoner."

Nathaniel nodded, "Clever. I just wish I could be going with you."

"Sorry, you have to say here and be injured." She glanced up at Brenden. "I said this to Theo, but I'm going to repeat it. Do not let anyone in here, not even other Wardens, until I get back."

"You just make sure you aren't seen."

Eriana snorted slightly while she pulled on the dark leather armor. "Remember who you're talking to, now. Have a little faith," she said, turning to the small window in the back of the room as Garen slipped in.

"They took him to Fort Drakon," the human rogue said. "The guards are scrambling around like crazy looking for any accomplices and trying to calm everyone down, so the force that will be guarding him will likely be small for a little while at least."

Eriana nodded. "We'll be back in two hours. Keep everyone out until then."

"Be careful," Nathaniel said, giving Eriana a concerned look.

"I will," she said before nodding to the other two rogues. Together, the trio darted out the window and into the late afternoon shadows. The roads were full of frantic people, everyone talking about what had happened, exaggerating the truth, totally oblivious to the three Wardens who moved quickly through the streets. They made into the fort without being detective as both Eriana and Garen had both broken out of the prison at least once. Just as Garen said, the city guards were frantic, moving all over the place, barking out orders, and paying absolutely no attention to the area around them. "Thank goodness we're not here to break him out," Eriana hissed at Sigrun as they made their way down an empty hallway.

"I know, this is almost shameful how easy it is to break into this place. We'll need to suggest some changes to Alistair once this settles down."

Eriana nodded as she glanced around the corner. "Okay, we've got four guards on his cell. Garen, do you have the chloroform?" The rogue nodded. "Alright, Sigrun, I need you to cause a diversion to draw the main body of the guards away. Garen and I will knock out the ones who stay with the archer and go in and question the man. Once you get clear of them, head back to the outside of the fort, we'll meet you back at the compound, understood?" The two rogues nodded, "Good, be careful, we'll see you later."

Garen and Eriana slipped back into the shadows, pulling their cloaks closed them to conceal themselves completely. Once they were out of sight, Sigurn pulled out a flash grenade; letting out a loud cry, she threw it down the hall toward the guards then took off in the opposite direction. Immediately, three of the four guards took off after the dwarf, leaving only one guard for the pair of them. Nodding to the thief, Eriana moved down the hall toward the jail cell. Garen moved like lightening, covering the man's face with the soaked handkerchief until he fell limp in his arms. By the time the guard dropped to the ground, Eriana had the door unlocked and had made her way inside.

"Maker damnit," she muttered, looking down at the dead man at her feet.

"What happened," Garen said, coming up behind her.

"Poisoned himself," Eriana said, holding up the small vial that was closed in the assassin's hands. The elf growled in frustration. "See if you can find his things; they usually keep them rather close by." The thief nodded and darted back out into the hallway as Eriana looked down at her would-be assassin. He had dark skin and jet-black hair and a sleek, agile build. (She could see that clearly as the man had been stripped down to his smalls, andEriana tried very hard not to wonder where exactly he had hidden the vial of poison.) His hands were well cared for, but not soft like a nobleman's hands. Rolling him over, she noticed a familiar set of tattoos on the inside of this bicep. Another Crow.

Cursing more to herself, she slipped out of the jail cell, looking for Garen. Seeing him crouched over a chest, Eriana made her way to his side. "We only have a few more minutes; did you find anything?"

Garen nodded, pulling out a dark cloak and an expensive looking crossbow. Moving quickly, Eriana began searching the pockets. "Look at this," Garen said, handing her one of the fliers that was with his shirt. It was a racist pamphlet, calling for the end of elevating elves into positions of authority. "There has to be a hundred of these on this guy. Do you think this was a personal thing about you being an elf?"

Eriana shook her head, pulling a small, folded paper from a hidden pocket in the cloak. "Nope, this was a professional hit," she said, holding up the contract. "But take one of those; whoever hired him probably wanted everyone to believe that it was a race thing." Eriana glanced around. "We need to get out of here; the guards will be back any minute, and we don't want to be here when they get here."

Garen nodded, pulling the cloak around him as he secured the trunk with the dead Crow's possessions and following her out of the prison. As they darted through the twilight, Eriana's mind was racing. The Wolf had been right, someone else was after her, someone right here in Denerim, someone brave or arrogant enough to try to kill her in broad daylight in the middle of a ceremony in her honor. There's no telling how far they would go now, and that very fact was what scared Eriana the most.

-0-

_Hey, all. Thank you to those of you who took time to review. I love hearing what you all think of the story. And who is behind all these assassination attempts? Hum… Anyway, let me know what you think!_


	37. Chapter 37

The entire room was quiet as Eriana's inner circle listened to her and Garen as they explained what they had found when they broke into the jail. The two rogues had returned only a few minutes after Sigrun got back, just as the sun was beginning to set over the city. Luckily, no one had stopped by to see them just yet, but with all the chaos in the city, that didn't surprise Eriana all that much. She told Theo to wait a bit longer before he let anyone else in; she wanted to make sure her Wardens understood the situation before they talked to anyone else. Oghren was the first to respond when the pair finished their report. "Too bad the blighter was already dead; I wouldn't mind having a go at him myself, you know, crack his skull for him," the dwarf grunted.

"Because beating him senseless is far more important than finding out who hired him," Nathaniel snarked, rolling his eyes at the dwarf. Oghren shot the injured rogue an obscene gesture, eliciting a few nervous chuckles from around the room.

"Are we sure he wasn't acting alone? You really thing he was hired by someone?" Brendan said crossing his arms, trying to refocus the young Wardens.

Eriana nodded. "Yeah, we found a contract with his things, and his tattoos indicate that he is a Crow, which makes two Crows who have taken out a contract on me in the last year," she said with a sigh, running her hands through her hair. "The contracts is specifically for me, so it's a new one, not the one from during the blight."

"The fact that we have a new contract out on you is not what concerns me the most," Garen said. "What concerns me are these things we found on him." He passed around the copy of the flyer they had found with the dead assassin's things. "Sigrun and I saw a few of these around the city when we first got here, but they never stayed up for too long. The guards tore them down as soon as they went up. The commander seems to think that they are a diversion…"

"They are."

"But I don't agree."

"Why not," Anders asked.

"Look, the only way this would work as a diversion would be if whoever was behind this knew that the assassin would fail; we would have never found these fliers if the guy had survived. Why would you hire someone to do a job you know will fail? This isn't a diversion, it's a message, a warning."

Eriana stopped for a second, mulling over what the other rogue was saying. "Meaning what, though; what is this supposed to be saying?" She asked.

"Learn your place, elf, or we will put you there."

Eriana took a deep breath. "You don't think whoever's behind this is just trying to cover his tracks, to make this look like an isolated attempt on my life?"

Garen shook his head. "I think whoever's behind this likely knows you well enough that they won't expect you to take things on face value. I think this was meant to scare you into leaving or resigning your position, not to kill you."

"Garen, you weren't there the last time," Nathaniel said. "We had to kill several nobles who were very intent on assassinating Eriana, and I don't think was entirely based on her race. They hated her for taking over my father's property and power; her being an elf wasn't a factor. It is safe to assume these two things were connected, the use of the Crows suggests that. And if they are, then this was an assassination attempt, not a warning. Plus, the arrow was poisoned. Why would you use a poison arrow if you didn't intend to kill?"

"Regardless," Eriana said with a sigh, "It's a threat. Whether it's about my race or something more personal; whether it was a warning or a genuine attempt, it's still a threat, and we'll need to be vigilant both here and back home to make sure nothing else happens. But I'm not worried about the why right now, we can deal with that later. What we need to focus on is our public reaction to this. We have to go with whatever conclusion Alistair and his guard present us with. What we've talked about here doesn't leave this room, got it?" Her Wardens nodded. "Okay, so we need to be surprised when Alistair and the city guard come to us and tell us what happened. Brenden, let Theo know that Nathaniel is awake, and he can let people in now. I expect the King will be paying us a visit any time now."

She was right; not more than twenty minutes after she gave the order, Alistair showed up, a full company of guards in tow. Motioning for his guards to remain outside, he entered the room to find Eriana sitting at Nathaniel's bedside, his hand resting in hers as she wiped his forehead with a damp cloth. Anders was at the other side of the bed, checking his vitals and rearranging potions. Brenden and Oghren were sitting in front of the window, keeping watch on the whole scene. Garen and Sigurn were there too, but they were hidden in the shadows, just out of sight. "Ana," Alistair said, rushing to her side, "Are you alright?"

Eriana nodded, tears filling her eyes. "Thanks to Nathaniel," she whispered, stroking his hand gently, never looking away from the rogue's face.

Alistair glanced down at the young nobleman. "Is he going to make it?"

"Yes, he just woke up moments ago, but he's still so weak. Oh Alistair," she said, finally bringing her bright blue eyes up to meet his. "Alistair I was so afraid. I didn't think he was going to make it. If we hadn't caught the poison…" she sobbed and turned away from the king. Behind his back, Anders stifled a laugh as the King comforted the tiny elf.

"Nathaniel's strong, Ana, I know he'll be just fine."

The elf looked back up at the King. "Alistair, what happened? I was listening to your speech and all of a sudden, I was being thrown to the ground and Nathaniel was lying there beside me, bleeding to death."

"There was an archer in the crowd who tried to kill you. Thanks to your mages, we were able to catch them. That was quick thinking by the way."

"Mages?"

"Nathaniel told us to paralyze the crowd if someone tried to attack you during one of these events," Anders said. "He had us practice it on the chickens back at the Keep."

Alistair smiled, "Well, it was a good plan. I'll have my guards remember that. Like I was saying, we managed to catch the guy and brought him in, but when my men went to question him, he was already dead. They said the guards left for a moment to investigate some disturbance, and when they came back, the guard they left behind was unconscious and the attacker was dead." Eriana sighed. "They didn't find anything in the cell, except for a small broken vial, so they think he was poisoned. Or that someone broke in to kill him while the guards were away."

"So we'll never find out why he did this?" Eriana asked, her face dropping.

"Well, we have some idea," the King said, handing her one of the fliers. Eriana pretended to read over it.

"What is this?" She said, handing it over to Brenden and Oghren.

"It's a flyer calling for your removal as Warden-Commander because you're an elf. We've been finding these around the city for the last few weeks."

"Wait," she said, her voice trembling with fear, "are you saying he did this because I'm an elf?"

"That's what we think, yes. According to the people who were standing around him, he shouted, 'Learn your place, knife-ear,' before he pulled out his crossbow." Alistair sighed and stroked her back. "It's strange that this has suddenly become an issue, no one protested this until just a few weeks ago, and only then has it been these flyers. It looks like it's only a handful of people in this group."

"I see," Eriana said quietly.

"Eriana, I know this is upsetting, but please realize that not everyone feels this way. It's just a few fringe people." He tilted her head up so he could look at her. "This says nothing about how well you're doing as Warden-Commander or Arlessa of Amaranthine. Listen, we have already put extra precautions in place to keep you safe for the rest of the week's festivities, and we've increased the security on your rooms."

"Thank you, Alistair, but are you sure it's safe for me. I mean, if one person felt strongly enough to act on this, surely there must be others who agree with him. What if they try to kill me, too?"

"That isn't going to happen," Alistair said softly, taking her hands in his. "And if someone tries, we'll be ready this time. I promise, I won't let anything happen to you."

Eriana took a deep breath, as if she was trying to settle herself down. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little shaken up about this. I mean I should be used to this by now, you know, people trying to kill me; I just…" She turned and glanced down at Nathaniel. "If he had died trying to protect me, I would never forgive myself."

Alistair pulled her into a hug. "He's going to be fine, Ana. He has the best mages in Ferelden taking care of him."

Eriana nodded and glanced back down at Nathaniel. "Alistair, do you think your men could help us get him up to my rooms? I think I'd feel better knowing he's close by. Besides, it gets really drafty down here in the barracks. I know this poison really well; it was the one the Crows used on me when they attacked Zev and I. And I know for a fact that it gives you really bad chills as its working its way out of your system. I think he'd be more comfortable up in my quarters where it's a bit warmer than he would be here."

"Of course, Ana, whatever you need."

Eriana gave a weak smile as the King got up to make arrangements to have Nathaniel moved. Once he was gone, everyone in the room relaxed a bit. Eriana sat back down on the edge of Nathaniel's bed and glanced around the room. "Well, do you think he bought it?"

"Are you kidding," Anders said, "I almost bought it, and I knew you were faking. Well, except for the part where you mooned over Nathaniel; that nearly made me laugh."

Eriana rolled her eyes. "Hush, I needed to make sure he believed I've been here the whole time," she said. "Now, I need a warming balm and any other potions I may need over the course of the night. I think I might be safe skipping most if not all of the fair tomorrow, so I won't really need to be anywhere until the tournament in two days. We will need to meet tomorrow with all the Wardens to discuss what happened today." She stopped for a second and frowned. "Brenden, I need you to send a message back to Amaranthine to Keenan and Garevel, explaining to them what happened. They're privy to everything, so make sure the message is secure."

Brenden nodded and disappeared to prepare the message as a group of men arrived to move Nathaniel. "Look weak," she hissed, getting up to collect the medical supplies she would need for the night.

"No problem," Nathaniel said. "I think this poison is starting to get to me." Eriana smiled down at him and gave him a quick squeeze on the shoulder. Then she nodded for the soldiers to move him to her quarters.

It only took a matter of minutes for them to get Nathaniel situated in her room. Eriana thanked the guards as they left, leaving the two rogues alone. Garen and Oghren were still down in the Warden compound, and wouldn't be up for a while. Eriana picked up a couple of blankets and turned around to attend to Nathaniel when she heard a loud thud coming from the empty sitting room. Spinning around, Eriana grabbed her daggers and moved between Nathaniel and the door.

"Commander, it's just me," Niko Amell said before he pushed the door open and peeked in the room. "Please don't kill me."

"Maker's Breath, Niko" Eriana said with a sigh of relief. "How on did you get in here? I locked the doors, and you're crap at lock picking."

Niko grinned, "I came in through the window." Eriana glanced toward the open window, silently wondering how the mage managed to scale the seven or eight stories so quickly. "I flew, as a bird. I met a chasind mage in the wilds who taught me how to transform into animals."

"That can be a very useful skill." Eriana said, "But you didn't fly up here to tell me that; what's going on? Has something happened?"

Niko sighed and rolled his eyes. "No. Petra and Anders sent me to make sure you ate something. After you left they realized you probably hadn't eaten all day, so, yeah, well, here I am."

"He's right," Nathaniel muttered from the bed. "You've not eaten anything since breakfast."

Eriana threw her hands up. "Seriously? I had someone try to kill me today in front of several thousand people; Nathaniel, you were poisoned by the bolt meant for me, and we uncovered another possible conspiracy against me, and all you all care about is me getting my dinner? Are you all obsessed with my eating habits or something?"

Niko up his hands up defensively. "I'm just the messenger. They were going to have food sent up, but Sigrun pointed that it would look better to have the order coming from you, that you wouldn't like it if it appeared we were coddling you. Anders also asked me to remind you that you are still recovering and that it's his job as your healer to look out for your health when you are too distracted to. Please don't hurt me."

Rolling her eyes, the elf slid her daggers back into their sheaths and made her way to the door to summon a servant. "Tell them I'll eat something, okay, and that I appreciate the fact they're looking out for me." Niko nodded and after transforming into a hawk, flew out the window.

Eriana didn't eat that much, just enough to satisfy her promise to the mages. She honestly wasn't hungry; once she slowed down enough to really start to process what had happened, she was simply too upset to eat. It wasn't that someone tried to kill her; it was Nathaniel. He could have easily died today in an effort to protect her, and that fact shook the young elf to the core. Too many men in her life had died in defense of her life, and she wasn't about to let another. After feeding the rest of her dinner to Ramoth who had spent the day curled up on a rug in her room, Eriana crawled into bed beside Nathaniel who was already beginning to shiver as the poison moved through his system.

"Nathaniel," she whispered, putting his head into her lap. "Please don't scare me like that again."

The rogue opened his eyes to look up at her. "What do you mean?"

"When I first saw you, lying there, that arrow sticking out of your chest, I was terrified. I thought I was going to lose you." She pushed his hair back, looking down into his stormy eyes. "I was so relieved when I realized you were going to be alright. That wasn't an act, you know, back there when we were talking to Alistair. I don't think I could bear it if something happened to you."

Nathaniel smiled and patted her on the arm. "Thank you, Ana."

"I mean it, Nate. If you had been seriously injured back there, there was no way I would have been able to leave you; you know that right?"

"I'm glad it didn't come to that. You needed to go after that guy, and it would have been a shame if you had missed an opportunity to examine the body. The bolt caught me in the shoulder, so no permanent damage done. Anders says I'll be fine once the poison is cleared from my system, he was able to close the wound and get the antidote into my blood quickly enough."

Eriana smiled and eased down onto the bed beside him, shifting beside her fellow rogue so his head rested on her chest. She could feel him begin to shiver violently, so wrapped her arms around him doing her best to keep him warm. "You know, I kind of got to skip this stage with I was poisoned with this stuff."

"Really? How did you manage that exactly?"

"I was unconscious on account of massive blood loss. I wasn't fortunate enough to have a healer close by, so Zevran had to stop my bleeding the old fashioned way, with poultices and potions. Plus, the poison nearly killed me. We didn't realize I was even poisoned until it started getting hard to breathe, so I was fighting both blood loss and the effects of the poison at the same time." She sighed. "You know, I never really considered it until just now, but the fact that both assassins used the same poison makes me think the attacks are connected and genuine attempts on my life, even though Zev was the intended target of the first attack. Quiet death is not cheap and blighted hard to make, someone paid these guys a great deal."

"I know," Nathaniel whispered. "It must have been nerve-wracking for him."

"Hum?"

"For Zevran. It must have been nerve-wracking watching you fight both the poison and the wound with no support. I can imagine it would have been terrifying."

"He handled it well, but he was scared. I could see it in his eyes." Eriana glanced down at him. "You know, I only saw that look on his face once before."

"When was that?"

"At the gates of Denerim just before Loghain and I left to face the archdemon. He was one of the few people who knew what happened when a Warden kills an archdemon, so he knew there was a chance…"

"That you weren't coming back."

Eriana nodded as she closed her eyes. "But you're coming back," she muttered as she let herself drift off to sleep. "I know you're not going to leave me."

-0-

The rest of the week passed rather uneventfully for Grey Wardens. Eriana skipped the fair, claiming that she had been up most of the night monitoring Nathaniel, but there was no getting out of attending the tourney that lasted the next three days. She spent most of those three days in the royal box sitting the King and Queen and Cousland brothers, watching as the nobles and knights of the land competed in various events. She couldn't help but cringe as she watched the archery competition, knowing that she or Nathaniel could have easily claimed the prize. However, Nathaniel was still feigning injury, and Eriana's bow was broken in the attack. If she didn't had more pressing matters to be upset over, the loss of her bow would have distraught her. It was the weapon that she used during the final months of the blight. It was made specifically for her by Dalish craftsmen who took into account her smaller frame and tiny hands. All other bows just felt cumbersome and awkward in her hands, and she wasn't about to embarrass herself by competing in front of all of Ferelden using an unfamiliar bow. So in the end, she simply watched as others competed, content to sit in the stands and talk to the nobles as the tournament progressed.

The landsmeet went off without a hitch as well. Eriana got to stay on the second tier in a place of prominence for the duration of the session as she was an acting arlessa. The meeting was little more than a formality since most of the nobles prefer to conduct official business during the normal spring session after they had all had a chance to meet with their vassals at the beginning of the planting season. Of all the week's events, Eriana was most at ease at this one. Only nobles and their personal guards were in attendance, and for once, she wasn't the center of attention, just one of many among the Ferelden nobility.

The last event Eriana was expected to attend was the ball, an event the elf definitely wasn't looking forward to. The ball was being held in the Landsmeet chambers, but this time, Eriana was expected to mingle down on the floor with the rest of the nobility. The royal dais was removed and the musicians were placed in the balcony to give the guests more space on the floor. (Nathaniel, Sigrun, and Garen would also be in the balcony, but no one outside the Wardens knew this particular fact.) Eriana was given strict orders to say in the open, and, under no circumstance is she to go under the overhang where Nathaniel couldn't see her. And the worst part of the whole event was the fact that Alistair and Anora had forbidden her to wear her armor, so she was forced to wear a dress.

"It's a ball, Eriana," Alistair said to her with a sigh. "You can't go to a ball dressed in your armor, and don't try to pull that I'm the Hero of Ferelden stuff with me. We both know you hate to be called that, so you can't use it now to get what you want."

Eriana growled at him. "If I can't use it to get my way, what good is it?"

In the end, she acquiesced to his request and wore a dress. It wasn't a dress a typical Ferelden noblewoman would normally wear. Most Ferelden nobility usually wore tight, fitted dresses made of rather heavy uncomfortable fabric, but if she was going to be forced to wear a dress, she was going to be comfortable in it. In the end, she chose a dress Leliana picked out for her before she left for the deeproads. It was a long, cream-colored dress that was accented with elaborate blue ribbons and embroidery that matched her eyes. The shoulders and sleeves were open, allowing the warm honey color of her skin to shine through. The light weight fabric flowed around her body, accenting her curves alluringly but still managing to be light and airy. While the rest of the women at the ball appeared overly tailored and made up, she was effortless, ethereal, especially with the help of one of Anora's maids who fixed her hair, pulling part of it back off her face to accent her delicate ears and letting the rest fall in soft waves down her back.

"It's not too much," she asked, turning around to Nathaniel once the maid left. "I mean, the overall effect, does it look alright?" Nathaniel didn't say anything, he just kind of stared at her, an unreadable look on his face. "It's terrible, isn't is, I look foolish."

Nathaniel shook his head like he was trying to clear his thoughts. "Um, foolish wouldn't be my exact choice of words." He got up and stood behind her, turning her so she could look at herself in the mirror. "Stunning, gorgeous, breath taking, yeah, but not foolish."

Eriana glanced at him over her shoulder and noticed a familiar look in his eye. "Why, Mr. I Don't Have Romantic Feelings for Elves, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were attracted to me."

Nathaniel smiled, "I never said I didn't find elves attractive; I just felt wrong acting on those feelings, remember?" He kissed her on the temple. "Although I can't say the same about the other men you'll be seeing tonight; I'm pretty sure most of them would be more than willing to act on their feelings. Eriana, you look stunning, like an Antivan princess."

Eriana looked back at her image in the mirror. "I always assumed I'd wear something like this when I married Zev. I think Leliana had that in mind when she picked this out." She sighed and turned back around, glancing over her shoulder at the way her blonde hair fell on the elaborate embroidery that decorated the back of the dress. "I'm glad I could put it to good use regardless. Now, let's get this over with."

They walked out into her sitting room where Oghren and Brenden were waiting to accompany her to the ball. Brenden let out an audible gasp when he saw her. "Ah, damnit," Oghren growled. "I'm going to have to break about a dozen kneecaps tonight, aren't I?"

"Thanks," Eriana said, smiling at Brenden as she took his arm. He would be escorting her to the ball since he was her second in command. Only the three of them were officially attending the ball; Brenden because of his position in the Wardens and Oghren because he had been with her and Loghan when they took down the archdemon. Together the three Wardens made their way down to the Landsmeet chambers, and Eriana waited nervously as the herald announced their names and her three titles to the room. There was a collective intake of air as the three Wardens strolled in, every eye in the room on the blonde elf. Eriana shifted uncomfortably as she felt the stares of those in the room; Brenden patted her on the arm as he led her into the room.

Fergus Cousland was the first the approach them. "Ser, do you mind if I claim the first dance with this lovely young woman before her line of suitors grows too long?"

"Not at all, Your Grace," Brenden said, handing Eriana over to the teryn and making his way over to the drink table with Oghren.

Fergus smiled down at the young elf as he took her arm and led her out onto the dance floor. "You look lovely tonight, Eriana," he said as they began to move around the dance floor. "I'm sure my brother is absolutely dizzy at the mere sight of you."

Eriana laughed, "And yet here I am with you."

"Yes, well being the older brother and the second most powerful man in Ferelden does have a few perks," he said with a dashing smile. "But I must confess, I have ulterior motives." Eriana raised an eyebrow, intrigued. "Yes, I wanted to firmly establish my presence here and then disappear while avoiding the flock of women who are constantly hovering around me these days. The easiest way to make sure everyone sees me is to dance with the most beautiful woman in the room and hope they stop looking at you long enough to notice me."

Eriana laughed, "You are too kind, Fergus. Has it been that bad."

"It's nearly constant. It seems I can't go anywhere without some girl throwing herself at me or some father mentioning his lovely daughter to me.

Eriana gave him a sad smile. "I suppose that comes with the territory. I'm sorry; I know it can't be easy for you."

Fergus sighed, "I know it's been two years, but I'm just not ready. The hurt is still too raw." Eriana nodded, knowing exactly how that felt. "You remind me of her tonight, Eriana. Oriana was wearing something very similar the day I first met her."

"Fergus, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"No," he said, shaking his head. "It's a good memory, one I cherish. She was an effortless beauty, just like you." The music around them sifted to a slower beat, and Fergus drew her closer as they in turn slowed to match the music. "I also wanted to thank you."

"For fending off all your would-be suitors? I can do this all night you know as long as you do the same for me," she said, looking up at him with a sly grin.

Fergus laughed, "No, as much as I'm enjoying this, I'd rather not anger every eager young nobleman in Ferelden, including my little brother. I'm afraid you'll just have to fend for yourself tonight." Eriana chuckled as he lifted her effortlessly and spun her around. "Actually, I wanted to thank you for allowing Aedan to work with you in Amaranthine. I think it did him some good. I've seen a real change in him over the past few weeks."

"He was a huge help, really. I learned a great deal from him. I think we're on the right track now."

"Well, Saul Barret should be a huge help with that, too. He is one of the shrewdest businessmen I've ever met. My father and I have both offered him numerous jobs, but he was always content with running the inn. If you put him in charge of your commerce, I guarantee you, you will see the arling's income at least double by this time next year."

"What made him change his mind and give up the inn?"

Fergus shrugged, "You I suppose. You and Gloria. She was very insistent that they move to Amaranthine to work for you, and there's no sense arguing with her once she sets her mind to something. That's why she'll do such a good job for you."

"So all I have to do then is keep the darkspawn in check while my arling runs itself?"

"Not quite," he said with a laugh. "But it should be easier now that you have the Barrets along with Garevel and Nathaniel." Fergus looked as though he was about to say something else when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

"Do you mind if I cut in?" Alistair asked. "You've been kind of monopolizing the guest of honor."

Fergus bowed and handed the elf over to the King after giving Eriana a soft kiss on the hand. "I suppose I must. You are, after all, the only man in the room with enough power to force me to yield this lovely creature's hand. Ana, thank you for the dance."

Eriana smiled and thanked Fergus before turning and curtsying to the King. Every eye in the room turned to follow the young King and his elven friend as they glided around the dance floor. After she finished her dance with Alistair, Aedan and Tegan were waiting for their turn to guide her around the floor. Eriana spent the next hour being passed from nobleman to nobleman. She was extremely grateful to her Warden stamina and the light-weight dress she was wearing because without them, she would have been completely spent by the time Brenden reclaimed her hand. "I thought you could use a break," he whispered into her ear. "You're just too nice to turn anyone down to get yourself something to drink."

"Thanks," she whispered up to him as they walked over to the small bar that had been set up. "Would you mind opening a fresh bottle," she asked the barkeeper as he reached for a bottle of wine. "One with the seal still on it, please." The barkeeper looked up at her, slightly offended. "It's not that I don't trust you," she said taking a glass from the newly opened bottle, "I just don't trust anyone, that's all."

Eriana and Brenden walked over to the side of the dance floor to watch the other couples dance as the Wardens finished their drinks. As Eriana was polishing hers off, someone grabbed her by the arm and spun her around.

"Well, Cousin," Shianni hissed, her eyes blazing with anger. "I suppose I'll just have to catch you now that you've taken a break from throwing yourself at all theses shems. Your father is fine by the way, not that you've bothered to check since you've been here."

Eriana hushed her cousin and pulled her back into an alcove. "Shianni, what is the matter with you?"

"Only that you've been here for a week, and you've yet to grace us with your presence. You've not even bothered to check on your father; you've been too busy whoring yourself out to those dirty shems."

Eriana handed her empty glass to a passing waiter before turning back to her furious cousin. "When exactly have I had time to come visit? You know how busy I've been."

"You could have made the time. You should have made the time, Cousin."

"Stop calling me that."

"Why, are you ashamed of me? Is that why you've avoided us this week because you don't want your new shem friends to know where you're really from? Well, I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure they know you're an elf."

"I'm not ashamed of you, you twit. Maker's Breath you were at the ceremony, Shianni; you saw what nearly happened to me. Do you really want everyone to know you're my family? I'm trying to keep you safe. This is for your safety, not mine. Someone tried to kill me this week, and I'm pretty sure that they'll try again. Only a hand full of people know that I'm from Denerim and even fewer know that I still have family," Eriana hissed. "If the people who are trying to hurt me found out about you two, you'd become a target. If they don't think they can hurt me directly, they'll go after those closest to me."

"Is that why you've stayed away?" Shainni asked, her anger abating slightly.

Eriana nodded sadly. "I was planning on visiting once all this died down. We're staying another week or so, and I was going to come to see you then, once it was safe."

"What about Soris; is he safe with you?"

"Yes, for now, but I have a feeling that he won't be in Amaranthine much longer." Shianni looked up at her surprised. "I think he's fallen for a woman, a human woman who works for the Couslands. It wouldn't surprise me if he wanted to move to Highever to be with her."

Shianni laughed. "Good for him; he deserves to be happy." Her smile faded. "So you will come to see us then?"

"Of course," Eriana said. "I've missed you all. But you need to ask everyone to keep quiet about my past, for your safety. I can't risk the chance of someone using you all to hurt me. If it got out that Ada is my father, someone might use him to get to me, and I can't let that happen."

Shianni crossed her arms across her chest. "But that doesn't explain why you were all over those shems out there."

Eriana grinned. "Shianni, you've been a member of the landsmeet for a year now, surely you understand how politics work. I have to be friendly with the nobility. Do you realize how insulted those men would have been if I had turned any one of them down? For the sake of my arling, I have to keep solid relationships with all the members of the landsmeet. And sometimes that means dancing with them." Shianni sighed and nodded. "Are we okay?"

"Yeah, co…Commander," Shianni said with a grin. "We're fine. I'll see you later in the week."

-0-

A young waiter waited in the wings as the group of noblemen stood around, talking animatedly. Only after the nobles began to disperse did the waiter approach his employer. "I hope you bring me news," the noble said, glancing down at the waiter.

"I did. I was listening to the Warden Commander speaking to Bann Shianni, and I found out an interesting piece of information." The waiter paused looking up at the noble. "Did you know that they were related?"

"The Commander and the Bann of the Alienage are related? Interesting."

"That's not all. Apparently, the Warden Commander has a father, the old man who lives with Bann Shianni."

"Really? I always assumed that he was the bann's father." A smile spread over the noble's face. "Now, that is a valuable piece of information." Since the last attempt on the Warden had failed, the noble had been trying hard to figure out a new way of getting at the elf. An outright attack against her wouldn't work now; she'd be expecting it. No, if they were going to hurt Ms. Eriana Tabris, they would have to do it indirectly. The noble handed the waiter a small pouch of coins. "You have done well. Let me know if you discover anything else." The waiter bowed and left.

"Maybe, just maybe," the noble thought, "I may have finally found a chink in that knife-eared bint's armor." The noble's eyes traveled across the room until they landed on the elf as she spun around the room in yet another nobleman's arms. "And now I may have just what it takes to knock her down once and for all."

-0-

_Well, summer is over, and I head back to work this week. Summer was much busier than I had anticipated. I had hoped to finish this over the summer, but I didn't get nearly as far as I had hoped. Let me know if you guys like where this is headed and if you're interested enough for me continue._

_Thanks to those of you who took the time to read and review. I'll try to get around to responding; I've just been so swamped. Anyway, enjoy!_


	38. Chapter 38

Eriana pulled her cloak tightly around her as she and Nathaniel strolled through the Denerim marketplace. It was just after midday, and the market was packed with people, the perfect circumstances for thieves or for someone who was simply trying to avoid detection. The temperature had dropped drastically over the past few days as winter began its slow, brutal assault on Ferelden. The celebration had been officially over for a few days, and with almost all their business wrapped up, the Wardens were planning to head back to Amaranthine in the morning without the Couslands who had left a few days before, hoping to beat the impending bad weather. Eriana grinned when she thought about how much faster the trip home would be since they wouldn't be catering to the brothers' rather demanding needs. The only thing that might slow them down was the fact that they would also be traveling with a cute but irritable dwarf who was only a month away from delivering a little Oghren (who couldn't be happier to have his wife moving into the keep). Felsi was a strong woman, but Eriana didn't want to risk incurring Oghren's wrath by pushing his wife harder than necessary.

Eriana had spent the last few days with her father and her cousins, waiting until the crowds had dispersed a bit before risking a trip into the elven alienage. She and Nate would make their way into the alienage in the morning, just before the sun rose, and would sneak back into the castle just after nightfall. They were always cautious, making sure no one followed them as they left the palace district, and would usually stay locked away during the day. The few friends she still had in the alienage would stop in occasionally, but for the most part, she simply enjoyed the precious little time she got to spend with her family. Cyrion was thrilled to see just how much his daughter had improved since his visit to Amaranthine, but he still wasn't eager to see her leave, especially after Soris announced to all that he would be moving to Highever to work for the Couslands. Apparently, he and Miranda had decided that they were very much in love, so he was moving to be closer to her. Cyrion was skeptical, unsure about how he felt to have his only nephew in a relationship with a human, but he couldn't really say anything, not with Nathaniel sitting there. Shianni, on the other hand, was furious. She still hadn't warmed up to humans, not after what happened to her with Vaughan, so she saw Soris' decision as a betrayal. In fact, she refused to see him off before he left with the Cousland train. It had created a sour mood in their small house for the next two days. Regardless, Eriana had immensely enjoyed her time with her Ada, so much so that she was tempted to bring Cyrion back to Amaranthine with her, but she decided against it. Better to leave him here were it was safe than to keep him close and risk him getting between her and an assassin.

After having spent several days with her family, Eriana was finally ready to get back to Amaranthine. There was only one more person she needed to visit before she left, Braxton, the barkeep at the Gnawed Noble Tavern and her only connection to Antiva. Pulling her hood up over her head, Eriana and Nathaniel ducked into the tavern. The crowd inside was light, but there were enough people in the main room for the two rogues to blind in inconspicuously. Glancing up at the bar, Eriana caught Braxton's eye. The old barkeep smiled and nodded his head toward the rooms on his left. Eriana held up one finger and he nodded, turning his attention back to the customer he was serving.

"Let's go; he wants us to head into one of the private rooms just down the hall. It looks like he doesn't want to talk to us in front of everyone."

Nathaniel glanced back up at the bar. "Are you sure we can trust him? You said he worked for the Crows afterall."

Eriana laughed. "Nathaniel, there aren't many people in the world I trust more than I trust Braxton. Yes, he passes along information to the Crows," she said as they ducked into the hallway, "but he isn't one himself. Besides, I've known him my entire life. He took care of my mother when she first came to Ferelden and me when she was killed; he would never do anything to hurt me." She quickly picked the lock and ducked into the first room, trying hard not to think about the many hours she had spent in there, talking to Ignacio. She plopped down on the couch and pushed the hood back off her head as Nathaniel did a quick sweep of the back room.

"All clear," he reported, coming to sit down beside her. Eriana sighed and leaned against him, closing her eyes as they waited for Braxton to join them. For Eriana, sleep had been becoming increasingly hard to come by; she kept playing scenarios and conspiracies in her head over and over again. It was easy to let herself feel comfortable and relaxed during the day when she was surrounded by people who were dedicated to her protection, but alone in the shadows of the night, there was no one there to distract her from her darker thoughts. Sitting next to Nathaniel on that comfortable couch, Eriana felt more relaxed than she had in days, so nodding off was inevitable. She wasn't sure how long she slept before Braxton came into the room.

"So, the great hero has finally come to visit little ole me," he said, throwing his arms out and smiling at her. "Come here, Kiddo, and give me a hug; I haven't seen you in ages."

"I know," Eriana said, throwing herself into the bartender's arms. "It's been too long, and I wasn't able to just leave and stroll around at will. You were at the ceremony right? You saw what happened, well what nearly happened."

Braxton's face hardened, "Yeah, I did. What was that anyway? The rumor flying around here says it was some lone wolf acting out because of your race."

"That's what the guards believe happened; well, it's what I've been told anyway. According to them, the guy had some anti-elf propaganda on him when they captured him," Eriana said.

"But it's not what really happened is it? You know more than you're letting on."

Eriana opened her mouth to speak when Nathaniel cut her off. "Um, Commander, are you sure you want to be talking about this with someone outside of the Wardens."

Braxton shot Nathaniel an annoyed look before turning back to Eriana, eyebrow raised. "Don't mind him, Braxton, Nathaniel has placed himself in charge of my security, and he takes his job very seriously."

"Well, I can take comfort in that," Braxton said, extending his hand toward the human rogue. "I'm Braxton Alisandro."

"Nathaniel Howe."

Braxton blinked in surprise and turned to Eriana. "Howe? You are running around alone with a Howe?"

"Yes," Eriana said, rolling her eyes. "He's nothing like the rest of his family, Brax. He's a good guy, and I trust him with my life. You were at the ceremony; you saw what he did when I was attacked."

"I guess so, but really, Ri, a Howe? How did that even happen?"

Eriana grinned wickedly. "Oh, we caught him trying to break into the Keep to kill me, but I released him. He came back a bit later and asked to join the Grey Wardens, so I let him."

Braxton sighed, "Maker help me woman, not again. What is it with you and and the people who want to kill you? Seriously, do people have to attempt to assassinate you to earn your trust or something, or do you just have a death wish?"

Eriana crossed her arms and looked up at the burley human. "Braxton."

"Okay, okay, I'll drop it for now," he said, pulling her into a hug and kissing the top of her head. "I just want what's best for you, you know that, right?" He asked, tucking a blond hair behind her ear. Eriana smiled and nodded up at him. "Good. Now, let's talk about this assassination attempt. Who was behind it?"

Eriana shrugged. "I don't know. The bowman was a Crow, and he had a contract on him, but of course, there was no name on the contract. I have no idea who is behind it."

"Do you think it's connected to the attacks on you earlier this year?"

"Maybe, probably. They used the same poison that the Crow that attacked Zev and I used, and they used a crossbow when they attacked us at the keep as well." She sighed, "Three assassination attempts in six months, it can't be a coincidence." Braxton glanced over at Nathaniel who was nodding in agreement. "I was actually hoping that you might pass along a letter to Antiva, asking them to explain why their Crows are taking out new contracts on me; you know, remind them about our prior arrangement."

Braxton sighed. "I can try, but I don't think it will do that much good. There's a lot of infighting within the ranks of the Crows right now, especially in Antiva, and if I was to put money on it, I'd say your young man is right in the thick of it, probably the main instigator." He glanced over at the elf. "You wouldn't know anything about it would you?"

Eriana shook her head. "If he had let me know what he was planning, do you think I would have let him go, that I'd be here? There's no way I would have let him go alone."

Braxton gave a sad smile. "I figured as much. Good for him." Eriana blinked up at him, confused. "Taking you with him would have been far too dangerous, Ri, you know that."

"We're both in danger as it is. Three attempts on my life in six months, Braxton. Leaving me behind hasn't exactly served its purpose, and now, I don't even know how to find him if I wanted to. Now he's up there doing Maker knows what, and I'm stuck here. If I was there, at least I could help, and we could watch out for each other. I mean, I've got the Wardens who look out for me, but he's all alone up there. I should be with him."

"No you shouldn't," Braxton and Nathaniel both said at the same time.

"Look, Ri," Braxton said, after shooting the rogue an amused look, "Zevran knows what he is doing. Hiding out in Antiva alone is one thing, but you add another person into the mix, and the risk of exposure increases exponentially. I'm not saying leaving you was the right thing to do, but if he was blight bent on trying to pull off this coup, then going alone was the smart move for both of you."

Nathaniel leaned forward on his knees. "So the rumors we've heard are true, then? Someone is trying to take over the Crows."

"It's looking that way; at least the reports from Antiva are suggesting that. Apparently several guild masters have been killed, so individual cells are starting to close rank, masters are getting more paranoid. That what makes me think appealing to Ignacio or anyone else in Antiva may not do you any good. Besides, the masters aren't exactly happy with the current leadership here in Ferelden anyway."

"Why?" Eriana asked.

"Apparently he isn't doing a good job keeping his cell under control. There's talk of replacing him, but it's kind of hard to find someone willing to step up as a guild master right now."

"What do you mean he's not keeping his cell under control?" Nathaniel asked.

"His assassins are taking on extra contracts; they are backing out of assignments; some are even bailing on the entire organization," Braxton said, opening a fresh bottle of wine and putting it on the table in front of them. "The guy they put down here is completely inept; he's a good assassin; he just has no control over his men. It surprises me though that he would okay a hit on you. He doesn't seem the type that would go against a direct order; he's inept, not stupid."

Nathaniel poured himself a drink and sighed. "So it would be safe to assume someone has been hiring these rogue Crows rather than going through the normal channels?"

Eriana shook her head. "No, we found contracts, remember? Besides, why would you go to the trouble of searching out Crows that have defected instead of taking a request directly to the guild master? It would seem like an unnecessary risk. The Crows don't care that I stopped the blight. The only thing that's supposed to be keeping them from taking out contracts on me is the work I did for them. If someone wanted to hire out the Crows, they would go directly to them."

"Unless whoever is behind this knew a request on you would be denied," Nathaniel pointed out. "If someone knew about your arrangement, they would avoid the leaders and go directly to the individual assassins. They wouldn't risk the master tipping you off that someone was after you."

"I don't think that's the case," Eriana said. "There are only a handful of people who know about my arrangement with the Crows."

"And you don't think any of them would try to have you killed?" Braxton asked, following Nathaniel's line of thought. "Because if that was the case, you've really narrowed your list of suspects."

"No, the only people who know about it are my friends, the people who were with me during the blight and my fellow Wardens. They'd never turn on me," she sighed. "Besides, there's no telling just how many people within the Crows know about the arrangement; a lot of them I'd wager."

"I hadn't thought of that," Nathaniel said. "I'd say most of the Crows who are working here know that a bid against you would be turned down."

Eriana sighed. "There are just too many variables to narrow it down. We just don't have enough information right now to do anything. All we can really do is wait and hope to draw whoever this is out."

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow at her. "And how exactly do you plan to do that?"

Eriana shrugged. "I'm sure a situation will present itself sooner or later. If I keep evading these assassination attempts, then whoever is behind this might be tempted to try a more direct approach."

Braxon's face hardened, and it seemed like he was about to comment further but decided against it. Instead, he turned to the human rogue. "Nathaniel, do you think you could give Eriana a moment?"

Nathaniel glanced over at Eriana who gave him a quick nod. With a sigh, Nathaniel got to his feet and moved toward the door. "I'll be just outside if you need anything."

"Thanks Nate," Eriana said, waiting until the door was closed before turning back to her friend. "Go ahead," she said, gesturing, "might as well get on telling me that I'm being foolish for associating with another Howe and that you thought I was smarter than that."

Braxton gave a short bark of laughter. "Well I was going to wait until the end, but since you brought it up; what in Thedas are you thinking? A Howe?"

"He's not his brother or his father. I've not forgotten them, Braxton, really, and I wouldn't trust him if I saw any hint of his family in him. I don't; he's different from them in every way."

"So you two are together now?"

Eriana chuckled and shook her head. "No, I know it probably looked like that when you first came in, but I had just dozed off. All this conspiracy stuff has kept me from sleeping well, that coupled with the fact that I'm still having nightmares; sleep has been hard to come by. I guess sitting next to Nathaniel relaxed me, so I fell asleep." She glanced up at him. "I'm not really ready to move on, not just yet."

"I had wondered about that," Braxton said, putting a hand on her knee. "I heard about the baby, Ri, I'm so sorry. How have you been holding up?"

"I have good days and bad days. Being back here has definitely stirred some memories, though."

"Have you heard anything from him."

Eriana shook her head. "It's been over six months," she said. "And I've not heard a thing from him…nothing. I thought that maybe he'd send a letter or something, but…"

"Ri, I don't think you realize just how unstable things are over there," Braxton said, looking her square in the eye. "The Crows are desperate to find out who is behind it, and if they figure out it's Zevran, they'll do anything in their power to bring him down. He probably realizes that it simply isn't worth the risk."

Eriana groaned. "Why does everyone feel the need to go out of their way to try to protect me? Hasn't anyone learned yet that protecting me only leads to pain, usually for both of us."

Braxton chuckled, "What can I say, Kid, we all want what's best for you; that's all. And don't worry; we'll work this assassination stuff out. I'll keep an ear out around here."

"You could do more than that if you wouldn't mind."

"Of course, anything," he said, leaning forward on his arms.

"Now, I know you don't like the idea of using me as bait to draw this sleaze ball out; I saw it on your face when I hinted at it. But believe me; it's the only way to get him out in the open."

Braxton nodded, "I know. In reality you're in more danger as long as that guy is still out there. So what do you want me to do?"

"Talk me down. Let it be known that you are not happy with the little Hero of Ferelden and her pointy ears. Be discreet about it, but let it be known that you disapprove of me completely. Hopefully, whoever this person is will hear about your attitude and will approach you for help. I have a contact in Amaranthine doing the same, though it's a bit harder there. I just saved them from a massive horde of darkspawn a few weeks ago, so they're still quite happy with me."

"So you want me to mad mouth you in hopes that the person who is trying to kill you will approach me."

Eriana nodded. "Something like that. In reality, though, whoever it is won't approach you directly. He or she will likely send a proxy of some kind, but we'll be able to work something out from there to try to lure the target out."

Braxton gave a frustrated huff. "I don't like this. It sounds like you're willing to put yourself in danger just to catch this guy."

"Until this guy is caught, I am in danger, I and everyone I care about. One of these days, they'll throw something at me that I'm not ready for. I need to kill whoever this is before that day comes. It's a risk, but my life is about risks. I'm not the fifteen year old elven girl who served drinks and learned to speak Antivan from you anymore; I can't pretend that the same rules apply for me."

"You will always be that little girl to me, Ri, you know that."

Eriana grinned, "You and Dad both, but the rest of Ferelden won't ever see me that way. And it's not just that they won't; they can't. I can't let them see me that way; they'd see it as a weakness and use it against me."

"Then it's a good thing there are still a few of us out there who know the real you then."

"Is that the real me?" she asked, looking up at her childhood friend. "I don't know anymore. So much has changed over the past few years; I don't think I even know who I am. Maybe this public facade I've been pretending to be since the landsmeet is really who I am now." She sighed. "I just don't know."

"Well, I still love you, whoever you decide to be, and I will do anything for you. If I hear anything, I will send you word. Do you have a secure messenger that runs to Denerim?" Eriana shook her head. Braxton reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of parchment. "Here's a copy of a cipher I use with a few of my contacts. I'll use it to send you word if I hear anything."

Eriana got up and gave the bartender a long hug before she slipped out into the hall where Nathaniel was waiting for her. Pulling her hood back up over her head and giving Nathaniel a nod, the two rogues disappeared into the teaming crowds of the marketplace. As they made their way past the alienage gates on their way back to the Warden compound, Eriana glanced up at her childhood home, wondering how long it would be before she saw it again.

-0-

Eriana was in high spirits as the gates of Vigil's Keep rose before them. The ride back had been uneventful and surprisingly pleasant; she alternated between riding with Nathaniel and Anders who both, each in his own way, managed to keep her mid off of the things that had been troubling her. The further from Denerim they had traveled, the safer and more secure she felt. It was a bittersweet moment when she finally realized that Amaranthine was actually beginning to feel like home.

Gloria, Garevel, and Keenan were all waiting for them in the courtyard as the Warden train entered the Keep. Apparently, trouble seemed to follow Eriana because all three of them reported no troubles in their respective areas while Eriana had been away. The Keep was secure and running more smoothly than ever, and there had been no darkspawn attacks since the party had left for Denerim. The only thing that seemed to be bothering them was the impending winter weather, which, according to the locals, would be rolling in someone in the next twenty-four hours.

Gloria gave Eriana a big, matronly hug once the elf had been briefed by the two men. "I am so glad that you made it back before the snow hit, dearie," she said as the two women made their way into the Wardens' quarters. "I would hate it if you got caught out in the snow like that. It makes travel so hard."

Eriana grinned to herself, remembering trekking through the knee-deep snow of the Frostback Mountains. From what she had heard, Amaranthine's winters were rather mild in comparison. According to Nathaniel, they usually got one or two good snows a year, but the warmer sea air would usually met it in a week or two. Eriana didn't say anything though, appreciating the older woman's concern. "I'm happy we made it back, too. I'm really glad to hear that everything went smoothly while we were gone."

Gloria smiled, "Well, I'm just glad to have you back in one piece. I nearly fainted when news of what happened during the ceremony reached us back here. I can't believe someone tried to kill you, and in front of everyone like that, terrifying."

Eriana smiled up at the head of her household. "Ah, it's getting to be a bit old hat by this point. I'm not doing my job if there isn't someone or something trying to kill me."

Gloria sighed and shook her head. "Well, that doesn't mean I have to be alright with it by any means. It's my job to worry about things like that, you know. Although, I guess if you were worried about things like that, you'd never leave the room." Eriana laughed and nodded in agreement. "Oh, speaking of your room; as I was cleaning up your room the other day, I noticed that there were some crates in your room that hadn't been unpacked yet. I was wondering what you'd like me to do with them."

Eriana felt her breath catch. Yes, those boxes had been sitting in the corner of her room for the better part of six months. They were Zevran's boxes, the things he had sent ahead to Amaranthine before they left Denerim. She had been completely ignoring them, unable to bring herself to open them to see the only things Zevran had left behind.

"I had forgotten about those," Eriana said, unable to meet Gloria's eye. "I'll take a look at them sometime in the next few days."

"Oh, it's no hurry, Dear. I just didn't want them to be in your way if I could have them stored away somewhere else." The two women stopped at Eriana's door. "Well, here you are. I'm sure you're eager for some rest, so I'll let you be. I'll see you in the morning."

Eriana nodded before making her way into her room, the comfortable feeling of home diminished somewhat by the task before her. The moment she entered the room, her eyes fell on the boxes in the corner. Sighing to herself, Eriana threw her bag on the bed and took a quick bath before making her way over to the boxes. "Might as well get this out of the way," she muttered to herself as she pried the lid off the first box.

The first crate was relatively harmless. It contained some of the warmer clothes that the two of them had acquired during as winter and the end of the blight approached. She was about to push the crate aside and leave it to Gloria or one of the other servants to separate when something at the bottom of the crate caught her eye. Reaching inside, she pulled out a long, heavy fur-trimmed cloak, and she felt her eyes fill with tears. Holding the cloak to her face, Eriana took a deep breath, remembering the day Zevran had given it to her.

She had spent the last few days recovering from their three week trek through the deeproads, and more than anything, she needed to see the sky again when he showed up, cloak in hand, ready to take her out into the fresh air. At the time, Eriana was still leery of getting involved with the rougish assassin and was still fighting her feelings for Alistair. Zevran, with his intuitive understanding of mind, understood what she was going through and had offered to back down if that was what would make her happy. It was a turning point for her because, though he tried to hide it, she could see the worry just behind his eyes, the fear of rejection, yet a willingness to do whatever it took to make her happy. It was at that moment that she began to fall for him, that she gave herself over to her feelings and let all the doubts and fears vanish. They spent hours that day, wrapped in her new cloak and each other's arms in the cool air of the Frostback Mountains.

Holding up the cloak to her face one more time, she took a deep breath, letting the familiar smell wash over her a last time before putting it aside and moving to the next box. This one was far more painful than the first. It was full of Zevran's personal effects, both things that they had acquired over their months together as well as things that he had brought from Antiva. Eriana couldn't get past the first layer of things because sitting on top was Zevran's Crow armor, the armor he had been wearing the day that they met. Slowly her fingers danced across the familiar inscriptions and scars that decorated the front of the breast piece, and her eyes filled with tears, remembering how many times her fingers had traced that familiar path. She closed the crate without venturing any deeper.

The final crate was full of Zevran's clothing, the things that were a bit too fancy or out of season to take with them when they left for Highever. Eriana's fingers traced over the silks as she pictured the way the soft fabric would hug the muscles in his chest. She was about to close the crate when a stack of papers at the bottom caught her eye. It was odd. As a matter of habit, Zevran never kept correspondence; it wasn't wise for a Crow to leave personal matters lying around where anyone could read it. Intrigued, Eriana grabbed the papers and began flipping through them. Her breath caught once she realized what she was looking at.

She knew that Zevran had taken up drawing while they were living in the castle. He would often join her in her office after morning practices were finished and would pass the time hunched over various pieces of parchment. Occasionally, he'd show her a picture, usually a funny one of Alistair or one of their other companions, but she had never seen any like this before. They were all illustrations of her. The first was a simple drawing of her and Leliana sitting by their campfire while Leliana braided the elf's hair. Eriana remembered that moment; it had happened only a few weeks after Zevran had joined their group. Sighing, she flipped to the next page. It was another one of her. This time, she was resting with her head on her father's lap as the old elf smiled down at her. And that wasn't all. There were others, drawings of her and Alistair, pictures of her playing with Ramoth, pictures of her standing over the archdemon's corpse.

The final picture in the stack was a single drawing of her, of something that never happened. She was standing on the prow of a ship, her hands resting on the railing as her hair flowed out behind her. She was glancing slightly over her shoulder, a relaxed smile on her face. The diamond solitaire was still in her ear and the Antivan coin still hung around her neck, but her Warden's oath was missing. This was Zevran's dream, his secret desire, to escape everything with her. No Crows, no Wardens, no King and Country, just the two of them, free and together. The beauty of the picture hit Eriana so hard that there was no stopping the tears. It was the life she wanted, he wanted, but a life that they would never have, especially now that he had disappeared, maybe forever.

It was hard to tell just how long she sat there, crying over the charcoal drawings, but she finally managed to pull herself together and begin to pack the drawings away. She couldn't bear to look at them, knowing what they represented. As she straightened the last of the papers, a sealed letter fell out from between two of the pictures. Her breath caught as she immediately recognized the elegant script.

_My Dearest Warden…._

_-0-_

_Yes, I know, that's probably a cruel place to stop, but I just felt a little evil today. _

_I think I was unclear in my last AN. No, I don't plan to abandon this story; I would never do that (I hate when people do that). It's just that this story has a ways still to go if I follow my original plans. But if you guys are still interested, I can keep on trudging. _

_I started a new job this week, so updates may be slow for awhile while I'm adjusting. (New job=lots of work at home). Anyway, thanks for being patient with me and for not losing interest. Let me know if you think I'm heading in the wrong direction on this one._


	39. Chapter 39

_AN: No this isn't exactly a new upload, but I just realized today that my entire chapter didn't upload last time. (And I actually left off the most important part) So here's my chapter again, with the actual ending.) So sorry for the confusion._

-0-

Nathaniel flopped down on his bed with a contented sigh. He had always enjoyed spending time in Denerim, but the past three weeks had been absolutely draining for the young rogue. Spending three weeks on high alert, constantly on the lookout for attacks and assassins was not what he would call a relaxing trip by any means. It was nice to be back home, surrounded by Wardens, safely ensconced behind the familiar walls of Vigil's Keep. Snorting to himself, Nathaniel considered the irony of his sentiment. Vigil's Keep…home; it had been a very long time since his subconscious had placed those words together, not since his father had sent him away to the Free Marches over a decade ago.

Leaning back on his pillows, Nathaniel stared up at the ceiling of his boyhood room and remembered those last days in the Keep. Nathaniel had been making the final arrangements for his departure, writing some correspondence and checking over his belongings to ensure that he was prepared for what was to be a three year training experience for the then sixteen-year-old. He had slipped into his father's office to add a few letters to the pille of his father's outgoing correspondence when an unfinished letter sitting on the desk caught his eye. It was addressed to Bernard Singrad, the man to whom Nathaniel was to be squired. In it his father had encouraged Singrand to extend Nathaniel's stay in the Free Marches, explaining his desire to pass the arling to Thomas instead of his eldest son. He was asking Sigrand to do everything short of killing the boy to keep his son from returning to Ferelden until the matter of succession was resolved.

Nathaniel had been stunned to learn of his father's betrayal; never before had his father given him reason to doubt him, but there it was in black and white, his father's betrayal played out before him. In that moment, the Keep ceased to be home to him, so much so that Nathaniel now wondered why he ever tried to break into it in the first place. Maybe it was some sense of misplaced honor or duty as the last surviving Howe male.

It was strange then that this place had come to feel like home again only when he returned to it in the service of the woman who had killed his father and taken control of the ancestral home he had left over a decade ago, and he realized that were it not for her, he would not only be without a home but without a purpose as well. He owed her so much, and that was why he had worked so tirelessly to ensure her safety while they were away. Now that they were back at the Keep, Nathaniel could relax a bit. That wasn't to say that the threat was past, that much was obvious, but the upcoming winter coupled with the constant presence of the order members would keep her safe, for the next few months at least.

Rolling over and pulling the blankets over him, Nathaniel stared up at the ceiling of his childhood room, enjoying the comfort of his plush bed. That was another thing he had missed about the Keep, his bed. Sleeping on a cot in Eriana's sitting room, though necessary, was really uncomfortable; he was definitely getting a good night's sleep tonight. He was just about to doze off when he heard frantic pounding on his door. Nathaniel groaned to himself as he threw his feet over the side of the bed and stumbled toward the door. "This had better be important," he muttered to whomever it. With a sigh, he opened the door to reveal a very frantic looking Anders. Nathaniel was wide awake instantly. "What is it? Who's hurt?"

"We need to get into Ana's room; I think there's something wrong; I think someone's in there with her."

Nathaniel stiffened as he regarded the mage. "What do you mean?"

Anders huffed in frustration. "Well, I was walking past Ana, and I heard a loud crash coming from her quarters. I went to the door to see if anything was wrong, and I heard her scream. I tried to get in the room, but the door was locked."

"Follow me," Nathaniel said, grabbing the mage and pulling him inside the room.

"What are you doing?" the mage barked in frustration. "Ana needs us now."

"I know that," Nathaniel said, grabbing his weapons and pulling a signet ring from the chain around his neck. "But if someone is in there, they've likely barricaded the door. It would take us too long to get in; this will be faster." Without looking back at the mage, Nathaniel made his way over to the back corner of his room. He inspected the wall closely for a second before sliding the ring into a small crevice. Suddenly, the wall began to glow as hidden bands of lyrium began to glimmer dimly; then a section of the door opened, revealing a hidden passage. "A little light?" he asked glancing back at the mage. Anders nodded, summoning a glowing wisp that hovered just above his hand.

"What is this?"

"A secret passage through the family wing," Nathaniel said as he began to lead the mage through the darkened passageway. "My father was somewhat paranoid and had them installed when he built this wing onto the Keep. Only family members and our personal guards knew about them; our family rings will open them."

"Where do they lead?"

"It connects all the rooms in this wing then leads to a hidden exit on the exterior wall. There's also passage that leads to Father…well, Ana's office. Now, tell me exactly what happened."

Anders took a deep breath. "Well, I was in Oghren's room, you know it's right there beside Ana's. That wife of his is getting pretty close to delivering, so I wanted to make sure the journey wasn't too much for her. As I was leaving, I heard a loud crash, like someone was throwing things around the room and some screaming."

"What kind of screaming?" Nathaniel asked. When Anders didn't answer immediately, the rogue shot him a quick look. "Was it a scream of pain, anger, fear?"

"Oh, I'm not sure; I'm never really heard her scream in fear before, so I can't be sure. But when I heard it, I tried to open the door. When it wouldn't open, I started knocking, and then it got really quiet. That's when I came for you."

"Why didn't you get Oghren?"

"He wasn't there; Felsi said something about needing pickled eggs and apple cider."

Nathaniel shook his head…pregnant women. He held up a hand and motioned for the mage to be quiet. Stepping up to the wall, leaned against it, trying to listen for any signs of danger. When he heard nothing, he used his ring to release the wards. Motioning again for the mage to stay put, Nathaniel slid into the room, merging immediately with the shadows. He moved cautiously into the main sitting room, stepping over up-turned tables and a few smashed chairs. His heart clinched; it definitely looked like there was a struggle in here. Eriana was nowhere to be seen, and to make matters worse, the window at the end of the room was standing wide open. Cursing under his breath, Nathaniel was about to call for a guard to raise an alarm when a crumpled piece of parchment caught his eye. Thinking it was a ransom note, Nathaniel picked it up and began to read.

_My Dearest Warden,_

_If you are reading this letter, it means that one of two things has happened. Either I am dead or something has happened that has forced me to leave you. If the former is the case, then I am so sorry that I have caused you further pain. Please know this, the time I have spent with you has been without compare the best time of my life. I know that I don't say it enough, My Ana, but I love you with every fiber of my being. You gave me hope when I was lost in a sea of despair, you were my joy where before there was only sorrow, you gave me purpose, a reason to live when I had lost my will to do so. You are my light, the only bright spot in my otherwise dark and colorless existence. Before you, there was nothing that had ever given me true joy or contentment. It is only in you that I knew love, joy, happiness, and peace. My only regret is that our time together has been so brief, but those brief moments hold more value to me than the lifetime I lived before you._

_Please don't blame yourself should the circumstances of my death be related someway to your duties as a Warden. Know this, if I have died in your service, then I have done so exactly where I should be, at your side, and I do not for a moment regret it. Mia Cara, there is nothing I would not do to preserve your life, and if I have died in doing so, allow me that honor and do not torture yourself on my behalf. My only request to you, amora, is that you find a way to move on, find happiness once again. Life is too short, and you deserve to find happiness in it. You can still hold me in your heart, but I couldn't bear the thought of you alone. _

_If the later is the case and I have been forced to leave you, then allow me to apologize all the more because the pain that you are feeling now is entirely my doing, and the last thing I wanted to do is to be the one to cause you pain. Please know this; if something has happened that has taken me from your side, then it is a very dangerous situation indeed. I beg you, my love, please let me go; do not come for me. The situation must be grave if it would pull me from the only place that I long to be, and I would only do it if I truly believed that I had no other choice. Know this, leaving you is the hardest thing that I could ever do, and it's not something I would take lightly. Also, whatever it is that I said or did to convince you not to follow me was a complete fabrication, and I am sorry for whatever I did to get away. I did it only to preserve your life, not to cause you pain._

_I wish I could promise you that I will return to you, I would love to ask you to wait for me, but I cannot give you false hope like that. I cannot even promise that I will be able to contact you while I am away as it may be too dangerous. Chances are good that I may never return. My undertaking will likely be dangerous and the chances of my success quite slim. I cannot ask you to waste your life waiting for my return. I hope to come back for you, in fact, it is my greatest desire, but this venture may very well take my life. If that is the case, then know that if my death is what it takes to secure your safety, then I give it willingly, my Love. I will not ask you to wait, but know that even if I can come for you, it will be some time before I am able to do so as this is not a task that can be achieved easily. I only ask that you do not try to find me. Allow me this sacrifice, my love._

_Whatever the reason, I am sorry that this letter has come to your hands. It was never my intention to leave you. You have been my life these past months and I would do anything to keep from hurting you in any way. I just hope that you find peace, whatever the case is. I love you, Ana; I will always love you._

The letter wasn't signed, but it was clear to Nathaniel who the author was. The devastation in the room wasn't a sign of struggle; it was the aftermath of a fit of fury. Relief washed over the rogue as he began to search for the elf. The door to the room was still locked, so she hadn't fled through the hall, and she didn't know about the secret passageways, so that was out. So where was she? He shouted for Anders to let him know it was safe to enter.

"Why is the window open?" Anders asked, looking cautiously around the room. "Is that how he got in?"

Nathaniel glanced over at the window. "No, I don't think there's an intruder," he said, handing the mage the letter. "I think she found this and…well, you see what it is."

Anders signed as his eyes scanned the letter. "We need to find her."

Nathaniel nodded. "Go get her dog from the kennel; he'll help you out. You two can take the living areas and the kitchen. I'm going to check the grounds." Anders nodded and disappeared out of the room. Nathaniel glanced around the room one last time before grabbing a heavy cloak that was lying on the ground and following the mage out of the room.

It didn't take the rogue long to find her; in fact, she was in the first place he looked, exactly where he had expected her to be. The first flakes of snow were starting to fall on the battlements as Nathaniel made his way to the northeast corner of the wall. There he found her, sitting on one of the castle bastilla, knees drawn to her chest, staring out into the darkness, wearing only a light-weight tunic and a pair of leather pants. Nathaniel breathed a sigh of relief as he walked over to the elf to drape the cloak over her shoulders. She didn't look up; she just drew the cloak around her and continued to stare out into the falling snow. Nathaniel sat down beside her and watched her as the snow began to cover the walls of the keep.

"Ana," he said, tenderly after a few minutes. "Why don't you come inside? It's freezing out here; you'll catch your death."

"How could he," she whispered, burying her head in her arms that as they rested on her knees. "I mean, I was starting to feel alright with things, then, bam." She sighed and pulled the cloak around her, closing herself off as much as possible.

Nathaniel didn't say anything, but he knew he had to get her inside so she wouldn't freeze to death. It took a great deal of coaxing on Nathaniel's part, but the rogue finally managed to get Eriana to head back to her room under her own strength. After putting her in the big chair in front of the fire, he quickly went to the door and summoned a servant. "Find Anders and let him know I've taken care of the problem and that I'll see him in the morning."

The servant nodded and left to find the mage. Turning back into the room, he found Eriana in the exact same position he had left her, curled up in the chair, staring into the fire, the cloak still wrapped around her. "Ana, hun, is there anything I can get you, coffee, tea…"

"Whiskey, that or something stronger," she whispered, her voice hollow and empty.

Nathaniel sighed, remembering full well how hard drinks affected her the last time she tried to drink her sorrows away, but he got up and fetched her a glass anyway. She downed it in one quick drink and held out the glass for a refill.

"Did you read it," she asked gesturing toward the letter on the table after she finished the second drink.

Nathaniel nodded. "Are you alright?" he asked, kneeling down in front of her.

"Nope," she said, exaggerating the p so that it popped a bit when she said it. She ran her hand through her hair and leaned back in the chair. "I really didn't need to read all that, not when things had finally started to get better, when it had just stopped hurting every time I thought of him. That was really the last thing I needed right now, another reminder of just what it was that I lost." The elf leaned forward and poured herself another drink.

"In fact, I think I may be worse off now because there it is in black and white everything I wanted to hear from him, six months too late. Prick." She downed the drink and slammed the glass on the table in front of her. "I mean, his first letter hurt, but this one, this one was just brutal."

"What do you mean, his first letter?"

Eriana didn't say anything; instead she stumbled to her feet and crossed the room to her closet and retrieved the box that Nathaniel knew held her daughter's ashes along with a few other personal items. Opening the box, Eriana pulled out a slightly crumpled piece of parchment and handed it to Nathaniel. "What's this?"

"That's the letter he left on his pillow when he disappeared from our room in Highever. It's rather cold and business like don't you think. I could almost believe he never cared about me after reading that one, but this one," she gestured to the letter on the table and shook her head. "I think I preferred the cold one."

"It's not all cold," Nathaniel said, handing the paper back to her. "That Orlesian bit at the bottem was rather sentimental after all."

Eriana's eyes brightened. "The Orleasian? Did you understand it?"

"Of course I did," he said, giving her an odd look. "I was raised a nobleman, remember? I could read and speak Orlesian fluently by the time I was ten. Why do you not know what it says?"

Eriana shook her head. "I don't speak Orlesian, only Antivan and Ferelden. Zevran knew that."

"And you never got curious and had someone translate it."

She shrugged. "I kind of forgot about it. I got a bit busy fighting the Architect and the Mother to worry about a secret message at the end of a break up letter." She glanced up at Nathaniel. "So what does it say?"

"Though my arms and my eyes may never hold you again, in my heart you will remain. And though I go into a world of uncertainty, know that I do it with the dearest wish that I will one day return to you. What I do now, I do for you and only you. I would gladly forfeit my life if in some way I can guarantee yours."

Eriana looked up at him for a moment before she growled in frustration. "That's it. That's the big thing he wanted me to discover, some vague convoluted declaration of sacrifice."

"I don't get it."

"Neither do I."

"No, I understand what it means," Nathaniel said, cocking his head and looking up toward the ceiling like he was trying to remember something. "I just don't get the reference."

"The reference?" Eriana asked, glancing up at him.

Nathaniel nodded. "I remember reading this in some book either my mother or tutors had me read ages ago; I just can't remember which."

"Wait, wait, wait," Eriana muttered, taking a deep breath. "Are you telling me that this is a quote from a book, some novel?" Nathaniel nodded. "Well what the bloody hell good is that going to do me. He knows bloody well that I don't read."

"You don't read?"

"Not novels any way," Eriana said with a huff. "They either hit too close to home, or they're all sunshine and daisies. Either way, I only end up feeling depressed in the end, so I just stopped reading them."

Nathaniel was quiet for a minute. "Who would you have normally gone to to have this translated?"

"Leliana, an Orlesain bard who traveled with us during the blight, but she's in the Deep Roads with the Legion of the Dead and won't be back for a while yet."

"Do you think she'd recognize the reference?"

Eriana shrugged, "It's likely; she was always reading and was really good at remembering stories. Ugh, I don't know."

"It seems to me he didn't want you to discover exactly what this part of the letter said right away; that's why he put it in Orlesian. I guess he was afraid you'd never find that letter, so he made sure expressed his feelings somewhere else. Maybe he was afraid that if you knew his true feelings that he wouldn't be able to leave or that you would try to follow. Do you think you would have stayed in Ferelden if he had left that letter instead?"

Eriana shook her head. "No, I would have followed him to the ends of the earth. I don't think it was his leaving that upset me nearly as much as the letter did. It just seemed so cold and heartless like what we had meant nothing to him."

"Maybe that was the point. It's clear that he didn't want you to follow that's why he did things the way he did. I can't imagine what convinced him that he had to do something this drastic, though."

"I was nearly killed by a group of assassins who were after Zev, trying to punish him for leaving the Crows." Sighing to herself, Eriana explained what had happened in Highever when the she was nearly killed by the two assassins. Nathaniel listened; he had heard pieces of this story before, but with the new information from the letters, the pieces slowly began to fall into place. For the first time, he began to understand the elven assassination and his motivation; after all, hadn't he too sacrificed things for Eriana? "I think the whole thing scared him more than he liked to admit. That's why he left."

Nathaniel nodded. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I think it's a good thing that you know how he felt. At least now you understand him better, and even though it hurts, maybe this will help you to heal." He knelt down in front of her and took her face in his hands. "And I have to say that what Zevran did was probably one of the most selfless things I have ever heard. Was he always like that, so giving and self sacrificing?"

Eriana looked up at Nathaniel and started to laugh. "No, selfless is definitely not a word I would use to describe Zevran. In fact, he is one of the most selfish people I have ever met. The only reason he joined us in the first place is that he wanted to save his own hide, and he thought I could protect him from any other Crows that may want to kill him."

"Selfless? But he fought alongside you during the blight even after you killed the assassins that came for him; he even stayed to work with the Wardens after it was over."

Eriana shook her head. "No, he stayed with me. The Wardens had nothing to do with it. If I had decided to leave the order, he would have walked away from it with no hesitation. He always looked out for himself above everyone else." She glanced at the fire and shivered a bit, pulling the cloak around her. "The night before we left to fight the archdemon, the apostate that we were traveling with approached me with a proposition that would allow a Warden to kill the archdemon without having to die. She wanted me to convince Loghain to sleep with her and conceive a child that would absorb the essence of the old god. I have a feeling that was her plan all along. She approached me at a moment of weakness, and, Maker help me, I almost accepted. But I couldn't live with the knowledge that I might have damned the next generation to another blight, so I refused."

She glanced up at Nathaniel. "I don't think I've ever seen Zevran so angry in my life. He begged and pleaded for me to take Morrigan's bargain. He didn't care about the countless lives that were at stake, all he was concerned about was losing me."

"But Loghain was the one to kill the archdemon. Wasn't that the plan from the beginning?"

Eriana shook her head. "I was planning on taking the hit if it came down to it. I couldn't ask Loghain to do something that I was unwilling to do, and Zevran knew it."

"So you think his concern was about his loss and not your possible death?"

"I'm sorry to say it, but yes, I do think it was more about what he would lose. I love Zevran, and I talk well of him, but he wasn't exactly nice a person when it came right down to it. He behaved himself when we were together, but that was only because he wanted to make me happy. But there was a darkness in him, no matter how much he tried to hide it. I know it's because how he was raised, but he's got this whole set of morals that are just foreign to me sometimes. He looks out for himself above all else; it's how he's survived for so long."

"No, I'm not sure that's the case," Nathaniel said. "It may have been the case in the past, but I think he looks out for you first, himself second. That's why he left, after all. If he was just looking out for himself, he wouldn't have gone to Antiva to overthrow the Crows. He would have just disappeared; he would have disappeared a long time ago. He's doing what he sees is necessary for your safety; that seems pretty selfless to me."

"I wish I could believe that," Eriana said softly. "I used to, but I'm not so sure any more. It's hard to believe that someone who is supposed to love you would hurt you like this. It's been nearly seven months now, and I've yet to hear from him. And now, I get the letter he wrote months ago."

She sighed and slammed back another drink. "All I know is that I wish I hadn't found that letter because now I have to think about these things all over again. Because now there's hope, now my stupid, traitorous heart actually believes there's hope for us, for love, for the rainbows and griffons and happy endings, and I'm right back where I was four months ago, barely getting by. I was finally getting my heart back together, maybe even getting over him." She downed another. "I just want it to be over; I just want to be numb."

"Well, you're well on your way," Nathaniel said, eyeing her carefully. "You might want to slow down, in fact."

Eriana shook her head, "No, not till this hurting stops." She slammed her glass to the table, cursing as it shattered in her hand, cutting into her skin.

Nathaniel was at her side in an instant pulling her onto his lap as he examined her injured hand. He began to find it hard to focus as her tears began to soak the top of his tunic. It had been a long time since she had really broken down on him like that, and he knew that she didn't need his words. So he just held her, bandaging her wounded hand and letting her cry.

"I don't want to hurt any more, Nathaniel. I was starting to feel better and this happens. Why? Why now?"

"I don't know, Ana, I really don't. I just hate seeing you like this." He kissed the top of her head as he cradled her against his chest. "But I will be here for you, no matter what."

Eriana continued to cling to him. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, Nate, but I don't know what I would do without you." She glanced up at him, her blue eyes shimmering with tears; then she gave him a weak smile. "It's a shame you're not into elves," she slurred slightly as she closed her eyes and settled against his chest.

Nathaniel just sighed and continued to hold her. It wasn't long before her weary crying gave way to slow even breaths as she fell asleep. Trying his best not to wake her, Nathaniel gently lifted her into his arms and carried her back into her bed room. He laid her on the bed and was about to get up to return to his room when her hands gripped his tunic tightly. Glancing down, he saw her bright blue eyes gazing up at him.

"Don't leave me," she whispered, her voice small and childlike. "I can't be alone right now."

Nathaniel nodded and unbuckled his belt and kicked off his boots before sliding into the bed beside her. She was immediately curled up in his arms, her tiny body molded perfectly against his. He took a deep breath and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close, doing his best to drive away the doubts and grief that were plaguing her. It wasn't long before he too, surrendered into a deep and peaceful sleep.

-0-

_Alright, a letter from Zev. I hope you all enjoyed it. I'm in an angst filled spot in both of my stories, so I've been finding it a bit tough to write at times. Anyway, I thought it was important to reinforce the Nathaniel/Ana relationship here while having a reminder of our favorite assassin. I'm definitely having Zev withdraws. I'm actually considering posting a one-shot I have about Zev; let me know if you'd be interested in reading it._

_Untill next time!_


	40. Chapter 40

Winter roared into Amaranthine with a vengeance. It was fortunate that the Wardens made it back to Vigil's Keep when they did because the snow that started falling the night that they returned didn't stop for the next four days, comply encasing the entire arling in a thick, impenetrable blanket of snow. According to Nathaniel, it was the worst snowstorm to hit the northern half of the country in over a century. The snow was so deep and the weather was so cold that the entire region essentially shut down while the citizens huddled in their homes, sheltering themselves against the bitter cold. On top of that, the cold made travel nearly impossible, so that no traders or messengers could move into or out of the entire province for a span of nearly two and a half weeks until the snow began to melt. They could have been in bad shape if the darkspawn attack had done more damage to region. However, the Wardens had taken care of the Mother's horde relatively quickly, keeping property damage to a minimum and leaving citizens of Amaranthine were well provisioned for the coming winter. As a result, very few people found themselves without food during the harsh winter months. On top of that, the frozen winter ground made it difficult for more darkspwan to tunnel up to the surface, so reports of darkspawn attacks were scarce as well, giving the Wardens a frigid, but well-needed break.

The downtime also gave the Wardens an opportunity to re-focus their training regimen. Brenden and Oghren both began giving lessons to the other Wardens who were trained as warriors, with Brenden teaching Templar techniques and Oghren teaching the berserker fighting style. As it turned out, Vigil's Keep was perfect for training of this kind because it had been built with massive underground halls that Eriana transformed from torture chambers into a training arena and an archery range. While the warriors slammed into each other with their shields and blunted swords, the rogues would divide up to work on their own skills. Most of Eriana's days were spent dueling with Garen or Sigrun while Nathaniel and Cybele, Garen's Dalish girlfriend, worked on archery. Nathaniel tried to convince Eriana to focus more on archery than on daggers, insisting that she would be able to command more efficiently from a distance, but Eriana refused to even touch a bow, much less practice with one.

"Look, Nate, I'll work on my archery again soon, but I hate all the bows that we have here."

"What's the problem with these?" he asked, gesturing to the shelves of bows that they had stored away in the armory.

"I just don't like them. We sent most of our Dalish-made weapons to Amaranthine when they started training elves to work with the city guard. These are all made by humans."

Nathaniel folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow at her. "Is there something wrong with a man-made bow?"

"Not at all, they just don't work well for me, and I got really accustomed to using my old bow. It was small, light, easy to handle. It's just hard to make the transition to such a large, bulky weapon."

"So you're going to mourn the loss of your old bow forever? Come on Ana, you're a good archer; I've heard stories about how good you were during the blight. According to Denerim guard, you could rival me as the best archer in Ferelden. You're better than this; pick a new bow and adjust."

Eriana shook her head and picked up one of the bows and held it up in front of here. "See, this is what I'm talking about. They're all just too big for me; I can barely wrap my hands around any of them."

"That's what she said," muttered Oghren, causing Eriana to give him a sharp nudge.

Nathaniel rolled his eyes. "So you're telling me that there's not a single bow in our entire armory that you like. Come on, that bow of yours couldn't have been that special."

"It was, though. It was specially made for me by a Dalish craftsman. The one I had before that had to be altered so that I could use it." She gestured toward the rack of bows. "Those things are all made for men, not for elves and definitely not for elvish women. My hands are just too small to get a secure grip."

"That's what she said."

"Oghren!" Eriana snapped again, trying not to crack a grin as she turned back to Nathaniel. "I'll get a new bow when the Dalish pass through in the spring."

"Are you sure this is about the bow?" he whispered to her once Oghren excused himself to go see to his wife. "You once said that you switched to daggers because it made you feel closer to Zevran to fill the role he once held. Well, you have Garen and Sigrun to fill that role and do most of the close fighting now; you can step back and…"

"This has nothing to do with Zevran, Nathaniel, I promise," she snapped in frustration. "Contrary to what it looks like sometimes, I'm really not as masochistic as you might think." She looked up at him and held out her hand toward him, palm out. "Here, give me your hand." Nathaniel sighed and held out his hand toward her, and she stepped forward and placed her hand against his. He looked down at the difference between his massive hand and her tiny one. The tips of her fingers barely reached the bend in his knuckle.

"Fine, you win. We'll get you a new bow from the Dalish when they come through," he said, closing his hand around hers and pulling her to his side. She smiled as she rested her head against him. "But after that, no more excuses."

"No more excuses," she said, tilting her head to smile up at him.

A new training routine wasn't the only thing new to the keep that month. As the first snows of the season began to melt, the Wardens welcomed a new unofficial junior member. It was late in the evening, and Eriana and Nathaniel leaned against the wall, watching as amusement as Oghren paced back and forth in front of his door, grumbling nervously to himself as he glanced anxiously at the door to his room. Anders and Petra had kicked them all out over an hour ago when Felsi's labor pains became more frequent, and as more and more time passed, Oghren became more and more anxious.

"Oghren, you need to relax," Eriana finally said, an amused look on her face as she watched her friend fret over his wife. "She has the two best healers in Ferelden with her; she'll be fine."

Oghren growled but didn't cease in his pacing. "I know, but what if something goes wrong. I don't think I could…"

"Anders and Petra will take care of her, Oghren; and on top of that, we have the best midwife in the arling in there with her, too. Besides, she's a tough girl; hell, she's survived being married to you for this long. How hard can labor be?"

The dwarf stopped for a moment and glared at her before he started to laugh. "Yeah, she's a fighter; I just can't help but worry. Ancestor's balls," he grumbled once he stopped laughing. "Why did I promise her that I'd do this sober?"

"Because you wanted the first memory of your baby to be crystal clear in your memory, not hazy with drink."

Oghren groaned and ran a hand over the back of his neck. "This would have been easier with something to take the edge off though." He was about to say more when the door to his room opened, and Anders appeared, holding a small, tightly wrapped bundle in his arms.

"It's a boy," the mage said, holding the bundle out for Oghren to take.

"A boy?" he stuttered, looking down into the blanket in his arms. "I have a son." Oghren smiled as he traced the baby's face with his finger, tears welling up in the tough warrior's arms. From where she was standing, Eriana could see a tuft of bright red hair just peeking through the blanket's opening. "How is Felsi doin?" He asked, not taking his eyes from his son's face.

"She's great; pulled through like a champ. Petra is getting her cleaned up right now; you should be able to go see her in a few minutes."

Oghren sighed, visibly relieved at the news of his wife's well-being before turning his attention back to his son who was starting to whimper quietly in his arms. With a tenderness that Eriana had only seen in him a few times before, Oghren began whispering to the baby as he bounced him lightly. Eriana felt an arm snake around her waist as Nathaniel pulled her to his side.

"Are you doing okay?" he whispered into her ear, his warm breath tickling her neck. Eriana leaned back against him and nodded, never taking her eyes off the father and son before her. She was genuinely happy for her friend and wasn't about to do anything to take away one ounce of happiness from him. This was about Oghren, not about her. Nathaniel's lips brushed against her temple as he gave her another reassuring squeeze.

He knew her too well, knew that seeing the baby would likely reopen some wounds, stir up some feelings that had long since been buried. He also knew how hard the last two weeks had been for her. Ever since she had found that letter from Zevran, Eriana had been on the verge of a complete breakdown, but she refused to let anyone but her fellow rogue see it. During the day and in public, she was rock-solid. It was only once the doors to her room shut behind her and she found herself alone that she let herself feel the despair that had been eating away at her all day. She tried to make herself numb to dull the pain, but nothing could stop the ache that seemed to take permanent residence in her chest. On top of that, her reopened wounds seemed to trigger her nightmares again. Over the past few months, Eriana had managed to bring her nightmares under control for the most part, but now, she was waking up almost nightly again. Not even Ramoth's warm presence could ward off the dreams; all it did was make the dog more anxious. As a result, she had started using the newly discovered passageway between her and Nathaniel's rooms to slip into his room unseen each night.

The first time she did it, she was a bit worried how he would react. How would she explain herself without sounding completely pathetic? She needn't have worried, though; Nathaniel didn't say a word when she slipped into his room. Instead, he simply lifted the heavy blankets so she could climb into the bed beside him, wrapping an arm securely around her waist and pulling her against his chest. It had become a nightly ritual. In the small hours of the morning, Eriana would creep into the rogue's room and slip into bed beside him, finding solace and rest wrapped tightly in his arms.

Taking her eyes off the dwarf in front of her, Eriana glanced over her shoulder at the man who had quickly become her lifeline. He too was ignoring the father and son, keeping a careful eye on her instead. She smiled up at him, reassuringly, getting a soft smile from him in return. It's true, she often joked with him about it being a shame that he wasn't into elves, but deep down, she was glad for it. That meant that in times like this she wouldn't have to worry about things becoming uncomfortable between them like they often did between her and Anders or Alistair. She could rely on him completely and never have to worry about her actions being construed as something more, and she knew that he would never push for something more. Deep down, she knew that she was using him, but he had become such an essential part of her life that she couldn't bring herself to care.

"Do you wanna hold him?" Oghren said, brining Eriana out of her contemplations.

She smiled and nodded, taking the dwarven baby into her arms. He was much heavier than any baby she had ever held before, but of course, he was the first non-elven baby she had ever held. "So who am I holding?" she asked, looking down at him.

"We're gonna name him Dorgin."

"So not, Ana," she said, giving him a sad frown.

Oghren laughed and rolled his eyes. "I said I'd name it after you if it was a girl. What kind of dwarf would I be to name my son Ana? They'd never let him pick up an ax, much less fight anything stronger than a kitten."

Eriana laughed, "Well Dorgin is a strong name, and if his parents are any indication, then he'll be a strong boy. I'm happy for you, my friend."

"You'll be his godmother, right?"

"Godmother? Me?"

"Well, of course. Who else would I pick? Heck, he wouldn't even be here if it weren't for you. I would have never gotten back together with Felsi; I'd have probably never left Orzammar. Were it not for you, I'd be lying in a gutter somewhere still drinking myself into oblivion. The least I can do is make you godmother to my son. So you'll do it?"

"Of course, Oghren," she said, biting back tears as she looked down at her friend.

Anders poked his head out into the hall. "Okay, Oghren you can all come in and see Felsi now if you'd like. She's a bit tired, so I'd rather it if everyone else came back tomorrow if you don't mind."

"That's fine," Eriana said, handing the baby to the mage as Oghren slipped into the room to see his wife. "Give her out best and tell her she has a beautiful son." Anders nodded and disappeared back into the room with the baby.

Eriana sighed as she and Nathaniel made their way back toward their rooms. As soon as the door closed behind her, Eriana gave into the pain she had been holding back all day. Holding Oghren's son had been much harder than she had let on. Memories of her lost daughter flooded over her as she gave herself over completely to her private pain. She wasn't sure how long she sat in front of her fire, clutching her legs to her chest as tears streamed down her face remembering the way Asala felt in her arms. Sighing to herself, Eriana stripped off her clothes and pulled on one of Zevran's tunics, not caring that his unique scent still lingered in the fabric, not caring that she would regret it when she woke up smelling like him after spending the entire night dreaming of him. She needed comfort right now, and in the absence or real comfort, the memory of him would have to suffice.

The exhausted elf had just crawled into bed when she heard the door to the secret passage way creak open and turned around to see Nathaniel standing there. Looking up at him, she simply nodded. It was all she needed to do. Without saying a word, the rogue made his way over to the bed and slipped in beside her. This was perfect; this was exactly what she needed, the strong arms of her noble archer. With his comforting presence, she was able to drift off into a dreamless sleep.

-0-

The second moth of winter was much more eventful than the first. Early on in the month, a violent fever swept through the entire arling. In only a hand full of days, the entire city of Amaranthine was filled with the sick and dying. In the first day of the month, there were five deaths; by the end of the week, fifty more had joined them. There were whispers of the plague returning, so Eriana sent her mages into the seat to assuage the fears of her people a bit. Having lived through the plague several times, Eriana was quite sure that wasn't the problem. The plague was a nasty disease that caused gruesome boils and simmered during the hot months of summer. This illness was different, with a high fever and chills, uncontrolled coughing, and extreme fatigue. It seemed particularly potent with the elderly and very young. In fact, forty of the fifty deaths had come from those two groups; five of the others were pregnant women. Anders and Petra called it the Sweats. Whatever it was, it had the entire arling panicking as all around them, more and more people began to fall ill.

While Petra and Anders were in the city, the second massive snowstorm of the season hit the region, trapping the Warden mages in the city. Of course, this was when the fever decided to make its way to Vigil's Keep. Oghren and Felsi, who had moved into a small cabin on the property, shut themselves away to keep Dorgin from being exposed. The rest of the Wardens were left to the mercy of the Sweats. Nathaniel was the first to come down with it, which made sense as he was usually the Warden to run messages to and from Amaranthine. Eriana was the only one brave enough to nurse Nathaniel back to health.

"Ana, you don't need to do this; you're going to get sick of you stay in here with me," he protested the first day she entered his room, a tray of food in hand.

"Please," she said with a smile, "I made it through three plagues as a child; a little touch of fever isn't going to get me." The young elf perched set the tray down and made her way over to her fellow rogue's bed, helping him to sit up a bid and putting a few pillows behind him to prop him up. "Now, I brought you some soup, and you need to eat it all if you're going to get your strength up."

Nathaniel grumbled and complied, but eventually acquiesced, allowing her to spend several days tending to his every need. Of course, it wasn't more than three days after the rogue was back on his feet that Eriana found herself confined to the bed, cursing Andraste, the Maker, and Nathaniel as her fever raged, and for some reason, the illness affected her more severely than anyone else. By the end of the second day, there was talk of sending for her father and cousins. Nathaniel, however refused to even entertain the notion that the fever might get her. Instead, he insisted that Niko accompany him to Amaranthine to get Anders. Fortunately the made it back to the keep in time, cold and exhausted, but one healing mage in tow. Several days later when they told the story to Eriana, she was both touched and impressed that the two men went through that kind of effort for her. Apparently, Niko, who was a particularly talented elemental mage, used three vials of lyrium burning a path through the snow. She didn't say anything at the time, but in her mind, the elf was contemplating the military benefits of having someone who could melt snow, especially in a country where it snows in some parts all year long. She would bear that in mind the next time she went to recruit mages.

-0-

The rest of the winter passed quickly for Eriana. Slowly, her nightmares began to become less and less frequent, which meant she was spending fewer and fewer nights with Nathaniel. Her Wardens had become a solid unit, and Eriana was interested to see how they would work together when they faced darkspawn again in the spring. There were definite places for improvement, but that could be fixed with new acquisitions Brendon would make in the spring. All told, things looked good on the Warden front. Unfortunately, that wasn't the only front Eriana had to deal with. She had to deal with domestic issues as well.

That's why, as the cold months of winter slowly drew to a close, Eriana and her advisors began to plan for her first council meeting. Every year just before planting season, all the banns and free holders in the arling would come together to discuss issues and concerns that had come up over the winter. Theoretically, it gave the Arl a chance to meet with his vassals before representing them at the Landsmeet that took place a few months later. However, according to Nathaniel, the only thing his father ever did at these meetings was inform people that they were being taxed more heavily. Eriana intended to do things differently.

There were several issues that needed to be addressed with her nobles, the most important of which was what to do with the city of Amaranthine. The infrastructure of city had been heavily damaged during the attack, so most of the money coming into the city through tariffs and taxes was allocated toward rebuilding efforts. On top of that, the city suddenly found itself without a bann as Bann Esmerelle lost ownership of the region when...well, when Eriana killed her. She had no family to speak of; not that that mattered. Eriana wouldn't have allowed her family to maintain control of the territory after what had transpired between them anyway, but now she had a rather difficult decision to make. Who was she to appoint to replace Esmerelle? Since the attacks, Eriana had been overseeing things on the business end, but rebuilding the city was a huge responsibility. Eriana wasn't sure she could juggle running the entire arling, the Wardens, and the city. Her advisors, though, had other ideas. Garevel, Saul, and Nathaniel all seemed to think that for the time being, Eriana needed to remain in control of the city.

"Look, Ana," Nathaniel said. "On the practical side of things, we don't have enough nobles in Amaranthine to assign someone to Amaranthine. Many of our banns will already be juggling extra property anyway to cover the losses of everyone involved in the conspiracy and those killed by darkspawn. We have five farms where everyone from the landowner to the workers were completely knocked out. It's going to take a lot of work to make sure all the land is worked this year, and that needs to be our priority, making sure all the land is tended."

"Who would you assign to the post anyway?" Garevel asked as he leaned against the wall beside her desk. "I didn't think any of your vassals had gained your trust yet."

"They haven't, but…"

"Just remember how much trouble Esmerelle gave you, and that was just when she was trying to kill you. She had no intention of sabotaging the arling because she probably intended to run it once you were gone. Imagine if she was trying to work against you politically and financially. We need the funds from Amaranthine to help make repairs on the Keep as well as other projects across the arling. Putting the wrong person in the city could make that rather difficult. Keeping the city under your control will ensure the entire arling's secure financial security."

"I know," Eriana said with a sigh. "But won't the nobles be against it, you know, giving me so much power. Surely they'll rebel against that. I mean, they barely accept me as it is; they may see me keeping Amaranthine as a ploy for more power."

The three men were quiet for a moment as they considered her argument. Finally Saul spoke up. "It's all in how you present it, my Lady. From what I can tell through going over her books, Amaranthine was the most profitable district in the entire arling, but no one but Esmerelle knew that. She did a good job in keeping her money hidden, even from Howe." Saul leaned forward, elbows resting on the desk. "The people here don't think Amaranthine doesn't turn a huge profit. If you show them just how much it's going to take to rebuild the city and fortify it, I'm not sure anyone would want it."

Saul leaned back for a moment. "In fact, you need to bring up the other repairs that need to be made across the arling. Explain to your nobles that in order to repair all the damage, rebuild the army, and improve the infrastructure, you will either need the money from the traders or you will need to levy a higher tax. Then you present them with proposition of the Wardens maintaining control of the city for a few years, just until the arling is back on its feet. After that, you'll appoint a new bann, one that has earned your trust and respect over the years, someone who you can trust."

Nathaniel nodded. "That's not a bad idea. If the nobles don't think they'll make any money off the city, they won't want it; it's too much of a burden."

Eriana glanced up at Garevel, "You know these people. Do you think this will work?"

Garevel nodded, "Plus, it will give you a chance to see if anyone is actively opposed to you. It might ferret out some enemies that you didn't know about."

"Okay, we'll do it. Saul, I'll need you to get the numbers ready for me. These noble types listen to their purses; we need to convince them that this is a sound financial decision all around. We'll also need to figure out how we're parceling out the abandoned farm land. We're close enough to Denerim that we can make a lot of money selling produce down there, so every bit of farmable land need to be used this year."

"We'll make a list of the available land," Garevel said glancing over at Saul who nodded in return.

Eriana sighed in relief, feeling a little better about the meeting that would be happening in three weeks. It felt like all the pieces of her work and her life were finally starting to come together.

Little did she know that there were already plans in motion that would shatter her world once again.

-0-

_Real life has been insanely busy, so I apologize for the delay. I already have most of the next chapter written, so I hope it isn't too long before I get to update again. This is a bit of a transitional chapter, so it's shorter than usual. Hope you all enjoy; let me know what you think._


	41. Chapter 41

"Okay, Ana, you have to promise not to peek," Nathaniel said, leaning down to whisper into her ear. "Promise?"

Eriana nodded, "I promise, Nate, but you gotta give me some idea what's going on here."

Nathaniel pulled his hands away from her eyes. "I told you yesterday, I had a surprise shipped over for you from Orlais; it just didn't come in until the weather settled down last week." He nodded toward one of the stable hands. "Now, you have to promise to keep an open mind about this and not freak out."

"Why am I suddenly worried?" she said with a slight nervous edge to her voice.

"I have no idea. You know you can trust me with your life, right?" Eriana nodded. "So, trust me with this." He put his hands gently on her shoulders. "Now, open your eyes."

Eriana's eyes widened in surprise as a sleek, jet black horse was led across the courtyard toward them. "A horse? You bought me a horse, but you know…"

"I know, but this one is different, alright. She's small, built for speed and agility. It's the kind of horses messengers in the Free Marches often use. They're small, so you don't have to worry about falling off of it and injuring yourself."

She raised an eyebrow at him, "If that's the case, then why did you bring Anders out here?"

Nathaniel laughed, "Because I knew that there was no way I would get you on a horse by yourself without having him close by. If you start to fall, he can put you both in stasis, and I'll be right there to catch you when the spell wears off. He can also heal you if we don't move in time. But that's all a moot point. I don't think you'll fall."

Eriana glanced back toward the edge of the courtyard. "And Oghren?"

"Yeah, well, he was standing there when I asked Anders, and he said there was no way he was missing seeing you get on a horse alone. He insisted on being here to see it."

The blonde elf sighed as she walked toward the horse. Cautiously, she extended her hand toward the horse, gently caressing its soft snout. "She seems gentle enough. Are you sure this is safe?"

"Yes, of course. Would I ever ask you to do anything that I thought would put you into danger?" Eriana shook her head. "See," Nathaniel said, hopping up onto the massive war horse Alistair had given her over a year ago. "Now, I will be beside you the entire time. There's nothing to worry about; you know what you need to do."

Sighing, Eriana moved around the horse and hoisted herself into the saddle. "Well, at least I can mount this one without any assistance," she muttered, situating herself in the seat and taking the rains from the stable hand."

"Plus you don't have as far to fall," Oghren shouted from across the courtyard.

"Thanks, Oghren," Nathaniel muttered, bringing his horse next to hers. "Don't listen to him; you'll be fine. You've been controlling my horse for months now; just apply what you know to this one."

It took her a while to feel comfortable in the saddle, but in a way, riding the horse was strangely gratifying for Eriana. Granted, she was extremely nervous at first, her memory of the horse trampling that poor elven child at the forefront of her memory, but as the morning passed, Eriana slowly started to loosen up and feel at ease on the horse. She was relaxing, allowing herself to trust the horse more as she followed Nathaniel lead around the castle grounds. As the tension melted from her, Eriana began to wonder, if she had managed to overcome this fear, what else could she work through if she really put her mind to it? Somehow, the simple act of riding a horse for a few short hours began to totally changed her outlook on her life.

"Well, I didn't fall," Eriana said, dropping off the horse into Nathaniel's waiting arms.

"I knew you wouldn't."

"There's one thing that concerns me, though," she said, falling into step behind Anders and Oghren, who were having a lively discussion about the values of dwarven ale. "How is that horse going to keep pace with the bigger horses? She simply doesn't seem strong enough to keep up."

"Well, that's because you're so used to seeing those huge horses, but the smaller ones don't have to spend as much energy to cover the same distance. As long as you're not going at an all-out gallop, she should keep pace just fine."

"Makes sense."

"I have to say," Oghren said, turning to look at her over his shoulder, "I'm proud of you, Kiddo; you managed to stay on that horse all by yourself. Aedan Cousland will be so disappointed when he shows up to escort you to the Landsmeet in a few months, expecting to ride with you, only to find you riding your own horse. So was that your whole motivation for teaching her to ride, there Nate, so she wouldn't have to sit on Cousland's lap the entire journey to Denerim?"

Nathaniel laughed, "No, but I'm sure Ana will appreciate that."

"That's for sure," Ana said with a slight chuckle. "I'm pretty sure that was Zev's favorite part of travel. It's probably why he never taught me ride on my own."

Around her, there was a collective intake of breath. It was rare that Eriana ever talked about her missing fiancé, and when she did, she rarely said his name, usually just saying him instead. In all the months they had spent together, never had the three men heard her refer to him in passing, so hearing her joke about him in such a casual way was somewhat shocking. No one said anything to her of course, but they all casually exchanged glances as they walked along side her. Eriana, of course, noticed but chose not to comment. She had already taken the first step in overcoming an obstacle in her life; who's to say she couldn't tackle two in one day.

Well, that was her plan anyway until she reached the keep's entrance and Guardsman Hillary stopped her. Personally, Eriana never saw the purpose of this guardsman's particular job, which was basically to tell her what correspondence had been delivered. Quite frankly, Eriana thought it was a waste of a guard when Garavel could just as easily sort through the mail and inform her of anything important, but apparently it was a hold out from Howe's time because he liked to know instantly any post that had come into the keep. Not wanting to rock the boat, Eriana had let the position remain, regardless of how it annoyed her.

"Commander," Hillary said, nervously stepping up to her. How it was possible that after all this time, this woman was still intimidated by her was beyond Eriana's understanding. "Now that the snows have melted, the post is up and running again. We just got a rather large amount of mail this morning."

"Anything interesting?"

"Well," she said with the beginnings of a grin ghosting her face, "there were a few rather thick letters from Highever."

Eriana's head jerked up, "Did the messenger mention trouble?"

"The letters weren't from the Teryn," Hillary said with a smile. "His letter actually seemed rather thin compared to his brother's."

"Ah," Eriana said with a nod, and behind her, several men started to snicker. She and Adean had been writing back and forth since they had returned after the celebration, but with the heavy snows, she hadn't gotten any letters from him in several weeks. "Anything else?"

"Well, there were a few letters from Orlais and Starkhaven and a couple from the south, but nothing big other than that. We did get one letter from Antiva which was a bit odd, but…"

"Wait, Antiva? Did you say I got a letter from Antiva?" Eriana demanded, her voice becoming suddenly harsh. Hillary instantly began to stutter in response, but Eriana didn't wait for a full response. Her heart was pounding as she made her way up to her office, not quite believing what her heart was hoping to be true. Was it possible that after all this time, nearly nine months of silence, she was finally going to hear from him? Shuffling through the pile of envelopes on her desk, the young elf finally came to the letter with the seal of Antiva stamped clearly on the front. Taking a deep breath, Eriana tore into letter, her eyes dancing across the page.

"Well," Nathaniel said, coming in behind her.

With a sigh, Eriana handed the letter to him. "The Warden Commander of Antiva is letting us know that they have a sudden influx of Crows that have defected and joined their ranks, and he wants to know if we could use a few rogues," she said, her voice completely cold and emotionless.

"Ana…"

"I'm fine," she interrupted, shaking her head. "We could use a few seasoned Wardens; maybe we could request a few with a bit more experience."

"No new Crows though."

"That goes without saying," she muttered, unable to bring her eyes up to meet the concerned looks of the three men who had followed her. "Would you mind, Nathaniel? I need…I just need to be alone."

"I'll take care of it," he replied, putting a hand on her shoulder. Shaking her head, she shrugged off his touch and disappeared out of the office.

"Poor kid," Oghren said. "I had really hoped…and with her doing so well."

"I know," Nathaniel said. "I'll take care of it."

An hour or so passed before Nathaniel went to find her. He knew that she wouldn't do anything foolish, but, at the same time, it was clear that she didn't need to be alone right now. Grabbing a spare cloak, he went out to the one place that he knew he would find her, the northern battlements, those closest to the Amaranthine Sea. Sure enough, she was there, her legs pulled up to her chest as she looked out toward the distant coastline. Saying nothing, Nathaniel simply draped the cloak across her shoulders and sank to the ground beside her.

"So much for making progress," she said, never taking her eyes off the darkening sky. "I get one stupid letter from Antiva and, like a fool, I assume it's from him. I mean, why would I even start to assume that anymore? I've not heard from him an ages; why would he care after all this time?"

Nathaniel wrapped an arm around her, pulling her cold body against his. "It was a natural assumption; I mean, you don't know that many people in Antiva after all."

"But I wrote to Antiva a few months ago to ask about the Crow attacks of me. Ignacio should have been my first guess; after all, I'm expecting a letter from him. But no, I let myself get excited; I get my hopes up only to have them crushed once more." She turned to look at him; her blue eyes shimmering with tears. "Why do I keep letting him hurt me?"

"Because you still care, in spite of everything, you care."

"I don't want to care anymore. I wish I was numb, then this wouldn't affect me so much." Eriana rested her head on Nathaniel's chest. "Maybe it would have been better if I had taken the blow instead of Loghain."

Nathaniel started, "You can't mean that."

"Sometimes I do. Sometimes I think it would be easier on everyone if I hadn't walked away from that final battle. The Wardens could have appointed someone who truly deserved this position, someone trained at the very least, and Ferelden wouldn't have to deal with having this weak, broken elf as their hero."

"Stop it," Nathaniel said sternly. "Just stop it right now. That's a load of bronto shite and you know it." He turned her and looked down at her sternly. "You are upset right now, and that's perfectly understandable, but don't start this again. You know full well that you're the best thing that has happened to this country."

"I'm not even strong enough to get over one man. I know I should be over him by now, but my heart overrules my mind every single time I try to convince myself of that. How can someone this emotional be a good thing for this country? I supposed to lead men; how can I do that if I can't even master my own heart?"

"Who says you need to?" Nathaniel answered. "Your heart is the most important thing about you. It's what separates you from all the other nobles and leaders in this nation; it's what makes you special and irreplaceable."

"I just miss him," she whispered, finally dissolving into tears as Nathaniel held her, wrapping his cloak around her, shielding her from the cold night air.

But he would soon find out that he couldn't shield her from everything.

-0-

Meanwhile back in Denerim….

The shadows were slowly growing, spreading out to cover the streets of the alienage. This was Blane's favorite time of the day, the time just before nightfall, when it wasn't quite dark enough to dissuade people from venturing out but still dark enough to allow an assassin such as himself to move around unseen. The cool air of the late winter night was slowly seeping into the city, so Blane had to pull the cloak tightly around himself to block out the cold. He was very ready for this particular job to be finished. After all, he had spent nearly every day and evening for the last several weeks quietly observing this particular mark. He could have killed the man weeks ago, but his master had made it very clear that he had to wait until the end of winter when the roads to the north were passable so that the next of kin could be informed relatively quickly. Apparently, this was an important detail, that along with the other various specifications that came with this particular assignment. The old man needed to be killed in a public area where he would be found quickly, the murder needed to look like a mugging, and there was a letter to leave on the body. On top of that, he was asked to kill three to four random elves so that the old man's murder could be easily dismissed. All told, it was one of the most demanding assassinations he had ever been assigned, and for the life of him, Blane couldn't figure out why someone was going through all this trouble for a seemingly harmless old man.

In the month Blane had observed his comings and goings, he had yet to figure out how exactly this man had come to the attention of someone with wealth enough to hire the Crows to kill him. He seemed to be a man of little real significance, even within the alienage. Occasionally, someone would stop by and drop off clothing to be mended or altered, but it wasn't enough business to anger a rival tailor. He considered the possibility that the hit had something to do with the young red-headed woman he lived with. After all, she was the newly appointed Bann of the Alienage, but, given his odd instructions about news needing to make it north quickly, it was clear that neither she nor her husband were this man's next of kin.

It was impossible to figure out, but his job wasn't to determine motive. It was to kill, plain and simple, and today, it was finally time to do just that. He watched silently as the young elf he paid off made his way to the old man's residence. The elderly elf opened the door and took the letter Blane had written, opening it quickly to read. He instantly disappeared inside only to reappear moments later, pulling a cloak around his shoulders as he started toward the alienage gates.

It was time.

Silently, the assassin disappeared into the shadows behind the old man. For his sake, Blane would try to make it as clean a hit as possible; it would be a shame if such a sweet old man had to suffer too much.

-0-

Anders let out a quiet sigh as he looked over at his elven commander. She had been doing so well through the long cold months of winter, but with her, progress always seemed to move two steps back for every three she took forward. For some reason, just as things started to look good and she would allow herself to begin to heal, something would happen that would force her back into herself. That stupid letter from Antiva. It was amazing how something so simple could be so destructive. She had been in a complete funk since she had gotten that letter two days ago. He hoped that the messenger from the capital would cheer her (somehow, hearing from Alistair always cheered her).

"Commander," the messenger said as soon as the elven woman entered the room, "the King sends his regrets. He wishes he could have given you this in person, but he was unable to leave the Capital and didn't want you to have to wait until the Landsmeet." The royal messenger waved over a servant who was carrying a long, slender package. With a smile, the servant unrolled the package to reveal an intricately carved bow. Eriana's face immediately lit up, and behind him, Nathaniel gave an appreciative whistle.

"Maker's breath, is this for me?" she asked, looking up at the messenger.

He nodded, "The King had it commissioned for you after the celebration when your bow was destroyed. He had a Dalish craftsmen use your broken bow as well the measurements from when he had your Warden Commander Armor made. It should be perfectly balanced for your height, reach, and grip. Try it out."

Eriana's expert eyes traced over the delicate roses that were carved into the bow, testing its weight before reaching for a string. With the ease of the minstrel stringing his lute, Eriana slipped the string on the bow, plucking it and listening to the low hum that it emanated as it vibrated. "It's amazing," she whispered, holding the bow up and drawing the string back. "Alistair did this?"

"He was very specific about the design. Apparently the bowsmith went through several designs before Alistair approved of this one."

Nathaniel took the bow from her to examine it. "This is a beautiful weapon," he muttered as he turned the bow over in his hands. "The detail in the craftsmanship is amazing. I've never seen anything like it. I mean, look at the thumb rest; he's even carved a rose into it."

"His Majesty also had a new quiver made for you as well to match your armor."

Eriana chuckled as she looked at it. "More roses. It's perfect."

"What's with the roses?" Anders whispered down to Oghren as the two rogues fawned over the new weapon. "Does she have a thing for roses or something?"

Oghren chuckled to himself. "Do you want the long or the short story, sparkle fingers?"

"The short story."

"Back during the Blight, before I joined their merry band of misfits, our good King had a thing for our lovely elven commander. Apparently in an effort to woo her, he gave her a rose he had found in Lothering."

"I'm assuming it didn't work."

"Quite the opposite, really. They were really close for a time; his being the heir to the throne kind of got in the way though. It was really hard on both of them for a while, especially when she and Zevran got together."

Anders glanced back over at the smiling elf as she examined the bow, a twinge of jealousy and regret tearing through him as he considered the relationship between Ana and the King. At the same time, though, he felt sorry for the King. Anders had ruined his chance at having a relationship with Eriana, but Alistair lost her because of something beyond his control. How could someone get over her after something like that?

-0-

Anders took a seat next to Oghren in the common room and helped himself to the wine bottle that was sitting on the table in front of the dwarf. The two men set in silence for a while.

"The King's in love with her, isn't he?" Anders asked, looking over at the dwarf.

Oghren chuckled and poured himself another drink. "You just figuring that out, there sparkle fingers?"

"Well, no. I guess I've known it for a while now. He doesn't exactly do a good job of hiding it, does he? And after that gift…" Oghren shook his head with a chuckle. "I was just wondering, though. If he has so much affection for her, why hasn't he made a move now that Zevran's gone and likely not coming back. I mean it's obvious she cares for him too."

"Alistair knows her well enough to realize she's not ready. You saw her the other day when she heard that she had received some mail from Antiva. You saw how her face lit up."

"Then crashed."

Oghren nodded, "Then crashed when she realized it was from the Antivan Wardens, not from her Antivan Crow. She's not quite over that assassin just yet. It's only been 8 or nine months since he left; I suppose she still holding out hope that he'll return. If Alistair pushed for something now, he could completely ruin their friendship."

"I suppose you're right." Anders took another sip of his drink. "That Cousland boy is in love with her too, you know."

"Yeah, but that's not the same. I've seen the way that boy looks at her, like she's something to eat. That one makes me a bit nervous. He could do some real damage if she's not careful."

Anders was thoughtful for a moment, "So is there anyone else, anyone else who is in love with her?"

"Besides you and Nate, yeah, tons. "

"You think Nate loves her, too?"

"Yeah, but not in the same way you other three do. He's got more of a I'm a protective big brother kind of love going on, while you three have a who's your daddy kind of love." Oghren chucked a bit at himself. "Most people love her, you know. Once you get to know her, get to see who she truly is, you can't help it."

"Even you?"

"Of course even me. What do you think I'm doin here, Sparkle fingers? I wouldn't be here if I didn't love her. Course it's a different kind of love, but it's there."

"You know, that's something I've never understood. You two are close, I get that, but how did that happen exactly? You both seem so different." Anders asked.

"We are," Oghren said with a laugh, "and under most circumstances we would have never gotten along, her being an elf and all. But she changed my life, and in a lot of ways she saved me from myself. Back before I met her I was a despicable lout, a sorry excuse for a dwarf. My entire life, my entire purpose was focused on finding my first wife, Branka, who had disappeared years before into the deeproads. I had fallen so low, I was barely a warrior anymore, a disgrace to myself, my family, and my caste. I was such a lout that they wouldn't even allow me to carry weapons anymore; imagine that, a dwarf warrior who can't carry a sword. I was pathetic, a washed up drunk."

"You were a washed up drunk?" Anders asked, emphasizing the word were.

Oghren chucked, "I'm not washed up anymore, just a drunk. The only difference now is that the alcohol isn't the only think keeping me going. Back in Orzammar it was. Anyway, when I met Eriana, I thought that she would be my last chance of finding Branka and my only way into the deeproads, so I asked to join her. I have no idea why, but she said yes then spent the next three weeks traipsing around the deeproads with my surly self. Trust me, kid, I wasn't always the ball of sunshine you know now, I used to be downright cantankerous."

"Wait, you were more unbearable? How is that even possible?" Anders said with a laugh.

"I know, hard to believe ain't it. Anyway, after three weeks in the deeproads, we found my crazy ex-wife and made our way back into Orzammar. I was sure Ana would want nothing more to do with me, and I had suddenly found myself without a purpose. I wasn't a contributing member of the warrior class anymore, and no one would trust me to put my life back together. I was stuck in Orzammar with nothing to do, so I asked her if I could join her. Do you know what her response was? She asked me if I was willing to sacrifice my caste to join her. She knew that once a dwarf leaves Orzammar and heads to the surface it makes us surface dwarfs, just a step above casteless. She didn't care that I was a washed up nobody; she was worried about what I would have to give up if I wanted to join her."

"That sounds like her, alright."

"Yeah, well it surprised me, you better believe it. But after that, I would follow her anywhere and do anything to help her. She took me, a worthless has-been, and made me into respectable warrior again and helped me find my Felsi on top of all everything. I will always be grateful to her for that. Everything I am now, she taught me to be." Oghren chucked, "It's a funny thing when you think about it, and elf teaching a dwarf how to be a warrior."

"I didn't teach you anything, Oghren," Eriana said, appearing suddenly beside them, causing Anders to jump and spill his drink. "I just gave you a push in the right direction, reminded you who you really were under all that anger and hurt."

"Ancestor 's tits, girl, you know I hate it when you do that," Oghren said with a laugh (Anders noticed he had managed not to spill the drink he was holding). "How long you been standing there?"

Eriana smiled and sat on the table, crossing her legs and resting her elbows on her knees. "Oh, since we returned to Orzammar. I don't think I could listen to you cutting yourself down anymore without jumping in," she added with a grin. "You were always a fine warrior, Oghren; you just got frustrated when things weren't going your way. I was proud to have you by my side from the moment you first joined us, don't doubt it."

Oghren grinned at her and poured her a drink. "So, how on earth did you two get on that subject?" Eriana asked. "I don't think I've heard you talk about Orzammar in a long time."

Anders grinned, seeing this as an opportunity to cheer her up. "We were reminiscing a bit, and I had some questions about the two of you and why you're so close. He was explaining your history." A wicked grin crossed Anders' face. "So, speaking of history, did the two of you ever, what is it that you say Oghren, forge the moaning statue."

Oghren started laughing hysterically while Eriana just rolled her eyes, a rare genuine smile crossing her face. "Oh, no, I like my knees where they are, thank you very much," she said.

"Your knees?"

"Yeah, my knees. I'm pretty sure Felsi would take me out by the knees if I ever tired anything with her Oghren. She may not be warrior caste, but I'm pretty sure she could pummel me if push came to shove."

"Besides, just look at those skinny legs; I'm way too rough for her. I'd beak her in half, the delicate flower that she is. I need a woman with a bit more heft to handle my brand of lovin." Eriana giggled as Anders tried desperately to erase that mental image from his head. "Seriously, woman, I don't know how those twigs of yours don't buckle under your weight."

"Hey! Are you saying I weigh too much because it sounds like you're saying I'm fat," Eriana scolded him with a laugh.

"Not at all, chicken legs; quite the opposite in fact. I remember when I first saw you I thought a stiff fart from a hurlock would knock you over. Imagine my surprise when we met our first group of darkspawn and I find out this little girl is a wild cat disguised as a harmless kitten. You could have knocked me over with a stiff fart after that," Oghren said with a chuckle.

"Well, if it's any consolation, you were right about one thing," Eriana said, a mischievous grin on her face, "back then you could knock me over with a fart, granted it had to be one of yours. I think you could take out the archdemon single handedly with one of those things." Everyone, Oghren included, laughed at that. Anders was relieved to see her smiling and laughing. He honestly couldn't remember ever seeing her quite so relaxed. Maybe the reminder that she was still loved was the thing she needed to help her get over her disappointment.

"Now, Commander, I have to say that is the worst hiding place I've ever seen," Garen said as the materialized out of the shadows. "When you told me to find you, I thought you would make it at least somewhat challenging, yet here you sit, in the middle of the room, talking to your friends."

Eriana grinned, "Sorry, I was hiding in the shadows over there, and I got interested in their conversation."

"Wait, wait, wait," Anders said unsuccessfully trying to suppress his laughter. "Are you all playing hide and seek?"

"No," Eriana said as Garen came over to join them in front of the fire, "it was a stealth exercise."

"You were, weren't you!" Anders shouted. "The great Hero of Ferelden was spending her evening playing hide and seek. Oh this is too rich."

Eriana rolled her eyes, "Stealth exercise, Anders. How else would you practice stealth, huh? You try to remain hidden as you move through shadows while you try to find others."

"Sounds like hide and seek to me," Oghren pointed out. Anders grunted in agreement. "So, if this is a training exercise, then why did you wait so late in the day? Nope, you can't fool me."

Eriana grabbed a handful of grapes and stretched out on the empty couch. "Evening is the best time to do stealth training; it's when the shadows are the best. We have to keep our skills sharp, you know."

"Yeah, Oghren," Garen added, "we aren't all as naturally subtle as you are." He lowered his voice to mimic Oghren's gruff growl, "I'm right here you sodding darkspawn, come and get a taste of ole Oghren, arrrrhhhh." He and Eriana laughed.

"I'm a dwarf; what am I supposed to do, then? We're not exactly made for stealth."

"Sigrun can do it," Garen pointed out.

"Yeah, well someone has to distract them while you two flit around the edges and sparkle fingers shoots em with lightning. What do you expect me to do, sneak up on the sodding things? Ha, fat chance of that."

"True," Eriana said with a grin, "with that clunky armor of yours, you may as well run out into the middle of them while you're banging a pot over your head."

Oghren just shrugged, "Isn't that the battle plan? Don't you always say, 'Oghren, run out there and do your thing' whenever we come up on a group of darkspawn? Well, my thing is yelling loud and hitting things with a big, heavy ax. Can't be sneaky doin that, now can I?"

"True, hence the clunky metal armor, no?" Eriana added with a grin. "See, we work so well together. Oghren and Brenden draw all their attention and take them out several at a time; Garen and Sigrun move along the edges, taking them out from the shadows; Nathaniel and I shoot them with arrows while Niko blasts their archers with spells. When it's all over Petra and Anders patch us all up. It's a perfect system."

"Says the one not in the tin can getting waylaid," Oghren pointed out.

"But be honest, Oghren, I see how excited you get when you're out there," Garen said, "would you honestly have it any other way?"

"Nah, I just like to pick on her about it. She knows me well enough to know there's no where I'd rather be."

"Now honestly," Nathaniel said as he strolled into the room, "have you two completely missed the point of Seek and Stealth? I mean you are supposed to be hiding, not sitting out in the open talking and eating."

At that point, Anders and Oghren both nearly fell into the floor laughing. "You two got Nathaniel to play hide and seek too!" Anders howled through his hysterics.

"It's a training exercise," the three rogues said in unison.

"Sure, sure, commander, tell yourself that all you like, but deep in your heart, you know the truth. You three just love reliving your childhood, so just go ahead and call it what you like. We all know what's really happening."

"Mages," Nathaniel muttered as he lifted Eriana's legs and sat down beside her on the couch, one arm draped across the back of the couch behind her, the other resting on her knees. "So, Ana, what were they talking about that interested you so much?" She raised a questioning eyebrow at him. "Ah, admit it I know you too well; something must have sparked our interest. You're too competitive to have just given up like that. They must have been talking about something really good."

"We were talking about the Commander's love life," Anders added.

"Well, well," Garen said, "I wasn't here for that part of the conversation. So, do you have something you want to tell us?"

"Um, what love life?" Eriana muttered as she grabbed another hand full of grapes. "If I have a love life then that's news to me." Nathaniel started to chuckle beside her. "What?"

"Oh, come on, Eriana," Anders said, giving her a devious wink. "We were all on that trip to Denerim; we saw that Cousland boy making mabari puppy eyes at you all the way there." The other guys all nodded, laughing. "And we all saw the stack of letters that came in for you once the post was running again."

"So because some nobleman was staring at me and writing me letters, all of a sudden I have a sex life?" The four men nodded, and Eriana rolled her eyes. "I swear, sometimes you guys are so juvenile. There is nothing going on with Aedan Cousland; he's a friend. Nate, tell them."

"She's absolutely right; her relationship with Aedan is none of your business."

Eriana nudged him with her foot, "Nathaniel Howe, you know full well there's nothing going on between us." Nathaniel just shrugged. "I swear, there is nothing going on with Aedan Cousland; he may like me, but that's it, the feelings don't go both ways."

"For now," Oghren muttered, ducking as Eriana threw a handful of grapes his way.

"Now, now, commander there's no reason to be so tense," Garen said, squeezing on the couch beside her. "You were never this edgy before. I think this little dry spell you're going through might just be the cause of all your anger. You know, I can help you remedy that. A night with me and I guarantee you'll feel the difference."

Eriana rolled her eyes. "Have you run this past Cybele? I'm not exactly sure she'd be all that comfortable with this kind of arrangement."

Garen playfully raised his eyebrows at her, "Oh, you'd be surprised at what I've been able to convince her to try. She's actually become a bit of a…"

"Stop! Please just stop. I'd like to be able to look Cybele in the eye next time I see her," Eriana said, elbowing her fellow rogue.

"Seriously, though, Commander, you are way too cute to have been alone for so long."

"Eight months isn't that long," Eriana said defensively.

"Nine," Nathaniel muttered. "You've been here for nearly nine months."

Eriana glared at him, "You're not helping. Besides, I'm fine, and I don't need to fall into bed with so random man to make me happy, okay? And I really don't need you guys all up in my love life either. I have to say, it's a bit creepy that you're this interested in it."

"Ah, Eriana, it's all in love," Anders said. "We just want you to be happy, and you've been doing so well here lately."

"Yeah, kiddo, for a while, it's been like you're your old happy self."

"And I am happy," Eriana said, and everyone gave her a questioning look. "Okay, maybe I'm not running through the fields skipping and singing happy, but I'm happier than I've been in a long time. I know I have my down days, but I'm on the mend; it's just…"

"Excuse me Waredns," Garevel said, curtly knocking on the door before stepping into the room, Saul and Gloria stepping in behind him. "But I was wondering if anyone had seen…ah, there you are, Commander. I've been looking for you."

Anders churkled, "Isn't that the point of hide and seek?"

Garevel looked up, slightly confused, "Hide and seek?"

"Never mind them," Eriana said, getting to her feet. "What can I do for you, Garevel?"

The seneschal glanced at the older couple before taking a deep breath that made Anders suddenly feel extremely nervous. He didn't like the look on the former guard's face, and the kindly former innkeeper looked very distraught. "A messenger just arrived and asked to speak with you; he said it was an emergency."

The Wardens all turned toward the door, their jovial spirit suddenly squelched by the appearance of the messenger who was standing behind the seneschal, wearing the royal standard. Eriana quickly crossed the room. "News from the King?"

"No, my Lady," he said, handing her a sealed missive. "This is a letter from your cousin."

"Shianni," Eriana said opening the letter. Anders glanced over at the nervous looking messenger. Why would the royal courier be delivering a personal message from her cousin? He wouldn't be there unless something bad had happened, and judging by the somber look his face, that seemed to be the case.

A pitiful cry drew Anders' attention back to his elven commander. The color was slowly draining from her face and her hands were beginning to shake uncontrollably; she looked as if she were about to faint. Nathaniel was immediately on his feet first, catching her in his arms as her knees began to give out, just before she collapsed to the floor. Somehow, he managed to catch the letter, too as it fluttered out of her hands.

"Ana, baby, talk to me; what is it? What happened?"

Her breath was coming in quick, frantic gasps as she clung to the front of Nathaniel's tunic, muttering the words Ada and no over and over. Closing her eyes and mustering her strength, she turned to the messenger, "When? How?"

"The city guards found your father two days ago. It looks as though he was attacked near the entrance of the alienage. There was nothing that could be done; he was already gone before the healers even got a chance to look at him. I'm so sorry, my Lady. As soon as the King found out, he sent me immediately to inform you."

A sob wracked through her tiny body as she turned her face into Nathaniel's chest, the rouge's strong arms wrapping around her as he cradled her against him. "Do they have any idea who was responsible?" Nathaniel asked.

"The guards aren't sure, but there was a note found on his body, suggesting that the attack was race related. There have been several attacks of this nature over the last few weeks. The King's guards seem to think that whoever was behind the attack on the commander a few months ago may have been responsible for this one as well."

"My father, no please no. Not again, I can't…please no," Eriana whispered between sobs as Nathaniel's arms tightened around her. "I have to go…I can't."

"Shh, Ana, I've got you; we'll leave in the morning," Nathaniel whispered to her as if he was comforting frightened child.

"No," she said, stumbling out of his reach and heading for the door, "I have to go, tonight; if I leave now, I can be in Denerim in…"

Nathaniel caught her before she left the room, "Eriana, it's well after dark; you know how dangerous it is traveling this late at night."

"But my father, Nathaniel, it's my father; I have to…" She melted back into his embrace, soaking his tunic with fresh tears.

Nathaniel stroked her back, "There's nothing you can do tonight." He turned her face up so he could look at her, gently wiping her cheeks with his handkerchief. "Oghren, why don't you take her up to her quarters? I'll take care of everything, okay. We will leave at first light for Denerim." He brushed her hair back off her face, planting a light kiss on her forehead before turning her over to Oghren. As soon as the two friends were out of the room, Nathaniel turned to Anders. "Can you be ready to leave in the morning? I'm going to need a mage to rejuvenate the horses so that we won't have to rest as often. If we push ourselves, we can be in Denerim the morning after tomorrow."

"Of course," Anders said, leaving to pack his bag, his heart breaking for his young commander.

-0-

_Sorry, I hated to do this to Ana, but it was necessary for the story progression. I hope you are all still with me; I know it's been a while since my last update. It's been an insanely busy semester. Please let me know what you think; I do value your reviews!_


	42. Chapter 42

It didn't take Nathaniel very long to make arrangements for their emergency trip to Denerim. As soon as Brendan heard what had happened Eriana's father, he immediately agreed to oversee the Wardens for as long as they were gone, including overseeing the Joining ceremony that was scheduled to take place next week. Eriana generally preferred to be present for all Joinings, but both Wardens felt that it would probably be better for her to skip this one, seeing the death of a potential Wardens was not something she needed at present. The former knight also helped Nathaniel formulate his plans for the actual journey. At first, Nathaniel had only planned on taking himself and two other Wardens, Anders and Garen, along. Anders was a competent horsemen and would be able to use his healing abilities to rejuvenate the horses throughout the journey, allowing them to travel faster and farther. Garen volunteered to go the instant Ogren left the room with Eriana. Nathaniel immediately agreed, hoping the former thief's unique abilities and knowledge of the city could ferret out information that others may not find. Brendan, however was uncomfortable with this arrangement.

"You do realize you are taking three rogues and a healing mage, right?" Brendan pointed out. "I'm not saying you three aren't capable, you are, but in her state, I'm afraid Eriana won't be much help in a fight, and neither will Anders, his magic will be strained just keeping the horses going."

Nathaniel nodded in agreement. "I wish there was another option, but Anders said that he couldn't handle more than three horses without completely draining himself, and I need Garen once we get in the city. I can only hope that most of the bandit groups will still be hidden away since the traveling season isn't exactly in full swing yet. Winter has just broken, after all, so there aren't may groups traveling on the roads just yet."

"Still, it concerns me, sending you all out without a warrior or a true battle mage. Anders is good, but he's a healer first, not a fighter."

Nathaniel sighed, running his hand through his hair as he tried to come up with a solution. "What about Amell? He can use that transforming magic he learned while we were working in the Wilds." Brendan suggested.

"Amell," Nathaniel thought for a moment. "That might work. How long can he maintain one of those transformations of his?"

"When we were traveling up here, he stayed a bird for nearly three days; he said he'd rather fly than walk."

"Does it drain his magic?"

"Not that I know of, but you'd need to ask him to be certain."

In the end, it was decided that three Wardens, Garen, Anders, and Niko Amell, would join Nathaniel and Eriana on the journey. The group would leave at first light and, if all went according to plan, should be in Denerim in a day and a half. After informing the other Wardens of the plans, Nathaniel managed to get a few hours of sleep before going to collect Eriana.

It was Sigrun, not Eriana, who opened the elf's door, a sad, tired expression on her face. When she saw Nathaniel standing here, she softly shook her head, answering Nathaniel's unasked question. "I tried to get her to sleep a little, but I doubt she got more than an hour or so. I managed to get her to eat a little something, but…Take care of her, okay. I can't imagine how she's dealing with all this after everything she's been through; it's so unfair."

"I know, but she's a strong one."

"Even so, there's only so much anyone can take before they break down completely."

Nathaniel nodded, moving across the room to Eriana's side. "Are you feeling any better this morning?" he asked, tucking a hair behind her ear. Eriana shrugged her shoulders, moving lifelessly as she pulled on the riding attire Sigrun was holding out to her, not saying anything, even when Nathaniel asked if she was ready to go.

That was the norm more or less for the rest of the day. Eriana traveled in silence, clinging to Nathaniel's as she rode behind him on the way to Denerim, merely shrugging or nodding when spoken to, but otherwise giving no indication that she realized what was happening around her. The Wardens rode hard, resting only briefly every few hours to stretch or eat. During these short breaks, Eriana made no attempt to speak to anyone or move on her own, sitting and staring into the woods with her knees drawn up to her chest, only eating or drinking when food was handed to her.

It was just after twilight when the company stopped at a small road-side inn. Garen and Niko immediately went to the stables to see that the horses would be tended to properly while the other three went inside to speak to the proprietor about getting a room for the night.

"I'm sorry," the old innkeeper said, briefly eyeing the expensive weapons and well-maintained armor the three were wearing. "The largest room I have available only has four beds. You will need two rooms for the night if you want to sleep five."

Nathaniel sighed, knowing the man was attempting to take advantage of them. He really didn't want to split the group up; there was safety in numbers in these kinds of inns.

"We'll take the room for four," Eriana said, speaking for the first time all day, the cool authority in her voice, despite her small size and unassuming presence, startling the innkeeper for a moment. "We're used to sleeping on the ground when necessary."

"Up the stairs, second door on the right. I'll send up some water so you can wash up if you like."

Eriana nodded and motioned for Nathaniel to pay the man as she made her way upstairs with Anders. By the time Nathaniel had worked out a price and collected the other two Wardens, their young elven leader had already stripped off the riding leathers and was sitting on the bed in the back corner of the room, staring out into the darkness.

"Anders," Nathaniel said, taking the mage by the arm and leading him away. "Is there anything you can do to help her get some sleep?"

"Well, there is a spell that will knock her out for a little while, but it would take a lot of magic to maintain it all night. Besides, she wouldn't get true rest under the effects of the spell, but it may be enough to induce actual sleep."

"Do it, then get some rest yourself; I'll take the floor in front of the door." Anders nodded and walked over to Eriana, whispering a spell and easing her back onto the pillow. Nathaniel watched her with a heavy as the elf's face began to relax for the first time in two days as the spell lulled her to sleep. It was hard to see her like this again. She had fallen into a similar state when her daughter died and was only jarred from it by the presence of the King. Nathaniel hoped that Alistair's presence in Denerim would have the same effect this time.

Sighing softly, Nathaniel situated himself by the door, replaying the previous day's journey in his head. They had made excellent time, traveling farther than he had expected to. His predictions to Brendan had proven true. The bandits and robbers had yet to make their way out onto the highways just yet, so the closest they had come to being robbed was when the innkeeper tried to force them to pay for two rooms. The highway, though, wasn't his main concern. He was very worried about Eriana's safety once they entered the city. Something about this whole situation screamed trap to him. He tried to take comfort in the fact that Alistair would ensure that they were well guarded during their time in the city, but the timing of it all seemed too perfect. Cyrion was killed just as the snows melted enough to ensure swift travel. He was murdered in the alienage and according to the messenger all evidence pointed toward the racist radicals who, according to the city guards, had made an attempt on Eriana just months before. Nathaniel and the Wardens knew, however, that the attempt on Eriana during the one year celebration was a professional hit. Though the racist group was still out there, Nathaniel seriously doubted that they were the ones behind Cyrion's death. Too many things worked out perfectly; there was no way it was all coincidence. This was a focused attack on his elven friend; deep in his bones, Nathaniel was sure of it.

That was the thought that was keeping him awake when Eriana awoke and made her way across the room to his bedroll. Without saying a word, she pulled back the blanket and slid beneath it, snuggling up beside of him. Automatically, Nathaniel's arms wrapped around her drawing her close to his chest as body shook with silent tears. After several minutes, her breaths began to slow, and she drifted off to sleep beside him. "I've got you, my Ana," he breathed into the top of her head, giving her hair a soft kiss, "and I'm not going to let anyone get you; I swear."

With that thought in mind and the young elf in his arms, Nathaniel was finally able to drift off to sleep.

-0-

It was just past midday when the Warden party made its way through gates of Denerim. Garen broke off from the group, immediately heading to the palace to inform the royal guards and King of their arrival. He would spend the rest of the evening touching base with the seedier contacts he had throughout the city, searching for information about the murder. The others made their way immediately to the alienage. Under Shianni's leadership the elven district had changed drastically since the darkspawn attack on the city. New buildings lined the newly paved streets and there was an air of prosperity despite the recent killings. All of that was lost, however, on the Wardens who were looking carefully at the new buildings for signs of trouble. Having been to the Tabris residence before, Nathaniel led the group through the streets, Eriana's hold on him tightening on him as they moved through her former home to her family's house.

The before Nathaniel even managed to get the horse completely stopped, Eriana slid of the back of the horse and dashed quickly into the house. Tossing the reins to the pair of mages, Nathaniel followed close on her heels, finding Eriana in the entryway, her cousin Shianni in her arms. "I'm sorry, cousin, I don't know what happened. I have no idea why he was out alone. I was late getting home from a meeting with the King's seneschal when the guards found me and told me he had been attacked and.."

Eriana silenced her cousin, kissing her on the forehead before tilting her face up. "Can I see him?"

Shianni nodded, wiping tears from her cheeks. "He's just through there. The court mage has his body under a stasis spell, but it won't last more than another day. Cousin…"

"I just need to see him, Shianni; we can talk later."

The red-headed elf nodded, stepping away from her cousin and pointing her toward the room that held her father's body. Nathaniel stood by the door, unsure of exactly what his role would be now that he had gotten her safely to the city; he was about to duck out to check the perimeter when Eriana turned and looked at him, motioning for him to follow her before she ducked into the room. When he entered, she was standing at her father's bedside, looking carefully at the shrouded body. She chocked back a sob as she reached forward, taking a corner of the shroud that was covering Cyrion.

"You don't need to be the one to do this," Nathaniel said softly, his hand covering her smaller one. "Ana, let me examine him."

Eriana shook her head, wiping away tears with the back of her free hand. "No, I need to see for myself," she said, reaching forward and pulling back the cloak that was covering her father, carefully looking at the wounds. Without looking up, she gestured toward the body. "Tell me what you see here, Nate."

As Nathaniel looked over the body, his worst fears were confirmed. "Simple, precise incisions at vital points with a few secondary cuts made to mask the fatal ones. I'm sorry, Ana. I know that this isn't what you wanted to hear, but this was no random attack," he said after a few moments. "His injuries are too precise for them to be random or amateur."

"You think this was a professional job then?"

"I'm almost certain it was. I'm so sorry, Ana."

"Damn it," she muttered, draping the cloak back over her father. "I was afraid of that. I had hoped that perhaps it may have been random thugs who had a problem with elves, that it had nothing to do with me, but I guess that was too much to ask." She shook her head, turning away from Nathaniel, almost whispering to herself. "I thought he would be safer away from me; that if I kept him away, I wouldn't have to worry about someone targeting him because of me."

"Ana, this isn't your fault," he said, taking her into his arms and pulling her back against his chest. "You didn't ask for this; just like you didn't ask for anything that has happened to you over the past two years."

Eriana turned in his arms, resting her head on his chest as she cried. "It still doesn't change the fact that my father is dead because of me." She looked up at Nathaniel, her blue eyes shimmering with tears. "What have I done to them to deserve this, Nate? Why do they hate me so much that they kill innocents just to hurt me?"

"Because you are extraordinary, and people don't like extraordinary. You have done something no one else has ever done. You rose above your race, your birth, even your gender and did something no one else in this nation could do; you saved us all. And while most of the nation adores your for it, there will be a few who resent you for it simply because you stepped up and did the hard things when they could not. Who ever is behind this is embarrassed that you have gained so much. That is why they resent you."

"I didn't want this. This was never part of my plan. I never expected to survive the Blight. Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't."

"Stop, just stop right there; you will not start thinking along those lines again. I know you're hurting now, and I know you want to blame yourself like you always do, but I'm not letting you. Not this time. Ana, you are the single best thing that has ever happened to this nation, to me. Not only did you save us from an unspeakable evil, but you have forced us to reevaluate everything we've ever believed about elves. This is a good thing; our nation will be a better place because of this. Think of what we will gain by looking past our prejudices and wrong assumptions. There is a wealth of knowledge and potential that we humans never knew because we were too stubborn to see it. You forced us to see it. But change is never easy. People are resisting, and, as a result, lashing out at you. I know that that is poor succor at this moment, but if it helps take comfort in this," he said, taking her face in his hands and forcing her to meet his eye. "I swear to you, I will find out who is behind this. And when I do, they will pay."

"Thank you," she whispered, looking up at him. "I know I say this all the time, but I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like you. I don't know where I'd be without you."

"Probably curled up in a corner somewhere," Nathaniel said with a grin.

Eriana chuckled softly through her tears. "Probably. Look, Nate, I want this dealt with by the Wardens. As far as I'm concerned, this is a direct attack on the Grey, so we will deal with it in our own way."

"Understood," he was about to say more when the sound of many heavily-armed footsteps approached the house. "Alistair?"

"Likely, no one else would travel with that many guards, not in this district anyway."

"He's a good friend to you, Ana. Are you sure you don't want to talk to him about this?"

"Positive. He's a good friend, but he's not shrewd enough to know who to and who not to trust. Besides, he'll want to rush into things, make a big deal about it. It's going to take a certain amount of stealth to sort this out."

Nathaniel nodded in understanding, following with Eriana as she moved back to her father's bedside, taking his hand and stroking it lightly as tears once again began to flow down her cheeks.

Taking a deep breath, Nathaniel moved to open the door to allow admit the King. Alistair move in quickly, motioning for his guards to stay at the door, but sparing neither Nathaniel or Eriana's family a second glance. "Ana," he said, immediately taking her into his arms and pulling her onto a massive hug. Knowing that his commander generally preferred to spend time with the King alone, Nathaniel turned to leave, but before he could move toward the door, Eriana glanced up over Alistair's shoulder, her blue gaze meeting his own, pleading with him to say before turning back to the warrior who held her. The whole exchange took less than a few seconds, but it marked a complete dynamic shift if their relationship. She needed him here as much as if not more than she needed the King. The realization floored him.

"Alistair, what happened?"

"There's been some growing discontent in the city," he said, taking her to the couch on the other side of the room and pulling her onto his lap. "There have been a few people expressing a concern with the new rights elves have been granted since the war."

"How can people be so stupid," Nathaniel hissed moving to take a seat in a chair beside them. "After everything elves have done for this nation lately; how can people still see them as second-rate citizens?"

"It baffles me too," he said, "but Eamon likes to point out that old habits are hard to break and that some will always resist change. According to the guards I have looking into this, that vocal group has moved to violence, and it appears that your father was a victim of that. He was simply at the wrong place at the wrong time. We found one of these next to his body," Alistair said, handing her a familiar flyer, the same that she had seen at the anniversary celebration.

"So this was all a coincidence? It had nothing to do with who I am?"

"No, in fact, I'm pretty sure most people in the city have no clue that you're even involved. They've mentioned Bann Shianni's loss, but no one has mentioned your name."

Eriana let out a sigh of relief that seemed so genuine, Nathaniel was almost convinced of her relief. "Thank the Maker. I was so afraid that this was about me. I don't know if that makes it better, but it does elevate a little bit of my guilt."

"I know that this won't bring your father back, but I've increased patrols through this district especially in the late afternoon and evening. We will find the group that's behind this, and they will answer to me."

"Thank you, Alistair. That's all I can ask for."

Alistair stayed for a little bit longer, comforting the blonde elf before leaving to return to the palace, expressing his regret that he wouldn't be able to return the next day for the funeral. "If it was up to me I'd be here, but my presence would draw way too much attention to the alienage. I've made arrangements for you to have a guard the entire time you're here; though I'm sure Nathaniel will be putting extra measures into place." The rogue nodded in agreement with the King. "The Revered Mother has agreed to do the ceremony here in the alienage."

"Good, he'd like that. He'd want his funeral to be among his friends."

Alistair drew her into another hug, kissing her gently on the temples. "I love you, sister, and I wish there was more than I could do."

"You being here is enough. Thank you, Alistair."

The King kissed her again and rose to leave. Just before he reached the door, he turned back to Nathaniel. "Take care of her."

"On my life," the rogue answered. Alistair smiled sadly and gave him a curt nod before leaving the house.

-0-

The next day, Eriana stood beside Nathaniel in the alienage courtyard as she and the rest of her community said their goodbyes to Cyrion Tabris. Anders stood beside of the two rogues, keeping a keen eye on the elves around them as the Chantry sister recited from the Chant of Life. Garen and Niko were close by, watching the ceremony from the rooftops so that they could keep an eye on the entire assemblage from above. The King also had guards stationed throughout the alienage, claiming that the patrols were necessary as the deceased was family to Shianni. Though the situation seemed relatively secure, Nathaniel was still fighting the notion that this whole thing was an elaborate trap. Who ever was behind the old man's death could use this as a chance to attack Ana. Even if they didn't, chances were that they had spies amongst the crowd watching the commander.

"I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Fade, for there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker's Light, and nothing that he has wrought shall be lost," the Chantry Sister said in closing, bowing her head and stepping away from the pyre.

Eriana too bowed her head, a few tears escaping and flowing down her cheek as she watched her cousin say goodbye to her father. Once Shianni was finished, Eriana stepped up to her father's side.. "Dareth shiral, Ada. Ma'arlath. May you find peace with Adaia and Sky at the Maker's side." Wiping the tears from her cheeks, the blonde elf moved up to the pyre. Placing a flower on his chest, she kissed the old man's cheek one more time before turning and walking into Nathaniel's waiting embrace. Nathaniel pulled the small rogue against his frame and leaned down to press a kiss against her temple, ignoring the judgmental faces of the elves around him.

"Are you sure you want to do it this way Ana?" he whispered in her ear.

Eriana nodded, "I just hope Shianni understands that I'm doing this for her protection. Try to explain that to her."

Nathaniel nodded and loosened his hold on the elf as the elder moved forward to set the pyre alight. The elf in his arms sighed sadly as the assembly began to break up and the members of her former community began to move forward to offer her their condolences. This was the part that made Nathaniel extremely nervous because it was when Ana would be the most vulnerable. It didn't turn out to be a problem, as everyone who approached her seemed genuine in their condolences.

As the last of the elves said their goodbyes, Eriana turned back to the fire, watching as the flames consumed her father's remains. "Cousin," a soft voice said, as Shianni came up to stand beside her. "How are you holding up?"

Eriana took a deep breath and prayed that her cousin would understand. "Holding up?" she said bitterly. "How do you think I'm holding up? My father is dead. I trusted you to keep him safe, and you couldn't even manage that. You knew the alienage was unsafe at night; how could you ask him to come to the palace like that?"

"What, I didn't..."

"Don't lie to me Shianni,"she snapped, pulling a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket and throwing it at her cousin. "I found that in the pocket of the cloak he was wearing; a note from you asking him to come to the palace, that you needed his advice about something. Notice the date? It's dated the day he was killed."

Shianni looked pale as her eyes danced over the letter. "Cousin, I swear, I didn't write that."

"Are you sure because that looks an awful lot like your handwriting."

"I know it does, but I swear..."

"Forget it, Shianni; I don't want to hear your lies. In fact, I want nothing more to do with you. As far as I'm concerned, we're through. Nathaniel will collect our things from your home; we'll spend the night in the Warden compound." With that, she stormed out of the compound, leaving a sobbing cousin and a courtyard full of stunned faces behind.

Shianni dissolved into her husband's arms, sobs shaking her entire body. Her husband, Trevers, tried to comfort her, all the while shooting Nathaniel furious looks as the two elves led the Warden back to their home. Once they were inside, Nathaniel took Shianni's arm and led her to a chair, handing her a handkerchief and a sealed letter.

"What is this?" Trevers snapped, taking the letter from his wife's shaking hands.

"It's a letter from Eriana explaining why exactly she had to do what she just did. Burn it after you've finished reading it."

"Had to do what she did...you mean she's not angry with me; she's not blaming me?"

Nathaniel shook his head. "No, but she did what she had to for your protection. Shianni," he said, kneeling down in front of the elf, "what happened to your uncle was no random attack by a group of thugs; it was a professional hit."

The red-headed elf gasped, reaching out and taking her husband's hand. "Are you sure? I mean, how could you possibly know that?"

"We are both trained assassins; we can recognize a professional hit when we see one, there's no disguising the wounds a pro will leave behind. They're clean and efficient. Someone found out that Cyrion was Ana's father, so they hired someone to attack him in order to hurt her."

Shianni's face paled considerably. "So are we in danger here?"

"We hope not, not after today at least."

"So Ana did all that at the funeral to protect us, but why? What good would that do, and why didn't she warn me?"

"We needed your reactions to be genuine; I'm sorry about that. It also needed to be in a public place. I have no doubt that who ever arranged this hit had agents here tonight, watching the funeral. Hopefully,those agents will report back that you two had a falling out so you are no longer a valid target. However, I still suggest that you procure 24 hour guard; Alistair can arrange it. But, Shianni, you can't tell anyone any of this. You do, and word gets out that Ana is trying to protect you, and you may as well paint a giant target on your forehead."

"Is Eriana in danger?"

Nathaniel sighed. "Eriana is always in danger; that's the life of a Warden. However, This threat is real, and who ever is behind it is becoming more desperate. We are hoping to uncover the conspiracy before anyone on our side gets hurt, but to do that, we must be as discreet as possible. That means no communication, no secret missives, nothing. Until we settle this, you can have no contact with her. It's safest for both of you."

"What about Soris?"

"He's safe in Highever. Besides, I doubt anyone in the nobility would be able to discover that he's your brother."

"You think that a noble is behind this?"

Nathaniel nodded somberly. "No one else could afford to hire the Crows or any other professional group to do this." He stood up and took their bags. "I need to go; it will look suspicious if I stay any longer. Be smart, and stay safe, both of you. I don't think Ana could handle another loss like this. Her daughter, her fiancé, and her father all in one year; she's strong, but no one's invincible." He swung their bags over his shoulder and moved toward the door. "I'll try to send word whenever I can, but don't contact us. Wait for us to contact you."

"I will," Shianni said softly. "And Nathaniel, please take care of her. She's like a sister to me."

"I will; you just make sure that you take care of yourself. Don't forget to burn that letter as soon as possible," he added before ducking out of the door, making a show of adjusting the bags before moving quickly through the streets of the Alienage toward the Warden Compound where he would no doubt find an anxious elf waiting for him.

-0-

Haden Tammerly stood in a high window, watching as the Wardens left Denerim to return to Amaranthine, a grimace on his sour face. "She was here and she was vulnerable. Why exactly didn't we attack her while she was here?"

"Patience, Haden, patience," his co-conspirator said softly. "The purpose of this wasn't to lure her into a trap; she's too smart and would have suspected it. No, the purpose of this was to injure, to hurt, and to knock her down just a little further."

"But we had her!"

"No, Haden, we didn't. She was well protected the entire time she was here. Did you fail to notice the increase of fully armored guards? For every one of them, there were two more in plain clothes. Besides, we move on her in the alienage, and the entire district would rise up to her defense. It would just be another failure, another reason for her to become more cautious. No, waiting is a better option."

"Waiting for what?"

Tammerly's companion sighed, annoyed at having to deal with the simple-minded nobleman more than necessary. "Waiting for her to slip up."

"She's too cautious; between her and Howe there's no way she's slipping."

"Oh, but she will when she realizes just how many people she is putting in danger. Believe me, she is now desperate to see an end to this before either of those cousins of hers get hurt. Besides, I'm tired of waiting for news that she's dead. I want to be the one to do it. I want to watch the blood rush out of her and watch her die at my feet where she belongs."

Haden smiled at that image. "And who's to say I can't have a little fun of my own before you do it."

With a roll of the eyes, his companion walked over to the window. "Soon, Eriana, very soon."

-0-

_Okay, so good news is, I'm not dead, and the story is not abandoned! Real life, Skyrim, and Mass Effect 3 kinda got the better of me. I had a really rough patch this winter and kinda lost all desire to write. It became a chore, so I took a break, hoping to find joy in it again. It's taken me a bit to get back into the habit, but here's hoping the next few months are better than the last. Thanks for sticking with me!_


	43. Chapter 43

The months following her father's death passed in a complete blur for Eriana. Mornings and nights bled together into one long, never ending chain of training, study, business meetings, and anything else the elf could find to occupy her not only her time but also her mind. She would awake every morning before the sun had even begun to tint the sky, getting out of bed the moment she regained consciousness, never giving herself a moment to simply relax and let her mind wonder. Every morning she could be found running laps around the battlements of the keep, stopping occasionally to speak with the guards or Wardens who had been assigned to the night watch during the three to five laps she took around the place.

After her run, yet still before the sun was ever fully up, Eriana would make her way down into the courtyard to train on her own in the archery yard, claiming that the dim light of early morning helped to heighten her senses, making the workout more challenging. After that came training with her daggers where occasionally one of the other rogues, usually Nathaniel or Sigrun, would accompany her. However, more often than not, this too was done alone as she was often finished moving through her normal exercise regiment before most of the Wardens were even out of their rooms.

A quick breakfast would usually follow where Eriana would actually eat a rather hearty meal before moving up into her office where she spent the rest of the morning meticulously studying the business of the Arling. By the end of the first week, she had memorized the name and names of the immediate family of everyone who held a title who lived in her region. By the end of the second, she knew the name of every major landowner and could correctly identify their holdings on a map. By the end of the first month, she knew every landowner by name, could locate their property on a map, and knew their primary source of income, whether that was livestock or any number of crops that grew well in the warm Amaranthine air.

After she finished with that, she turned her attention to the city of Amaranthine itself, studying business owners, private homes, city guard rosters, and shipping logs. She knew every store, every tavern, and every trader who did business in Amaranthine. Based on her meticulous studying of docking logs from the past ten years, she was able to make predictions as to when certain traders would be coming into port and what goods they would bring. She arranged caravans to outlying areas of her arling so farmers there wouldn't have to leave their land at crucial times in order to restock on necessities.

Due to her exhausting efforts, the arling was flourishing by the time spring began to bleed into summer, and the people, even those who were most skeptical about her at first, were beginning to relax under the rule of their elven arlessa. And a flourishing economy meant that repairs to the city and keep were moving along ahead of schedule. According to the estimations of Eddard, the dwarven stonemason who was overseeing both sights, repairs and upgrades would be completed to both in fewer than three years.

Her foray into governing was only one of the things that occupied her time. Besides running the arling, Eriana also busied herself with several personal projects. She read everything she could get her hands on from Weisshaupt about the Grey Wardens and the Blights as well as everything the Keep library had about the histories of the nations of Thedas. On top of that, she also read books on military strategy and fighting techniques.

It was when she announced that she planned to learn to speak Arcanum, Rivaini, and Ander that Nathaniel decided that it was time to say something about it.

"It's nothing, really, Nate. I want to learn Arcanum because the Magesters from Tevinter have written several studies on the taint that I would very much like to read."

"Get the translated version; I'm sure that there are plenty of those out there. Write to Weisshaupt, I'm sure they've got plenty of copies."

"I'd like to see the originals. They might spread some light on some of the things that the Architect left in his writing."

"Okay, I could buy that, but what about the others? What are your reasons for learning them?"

"Well, many of our merchants come from Rivain, and it would be nice to speak to them in their native tongue."

"We have translators for that."

"And the Wardens are stationed in the Anderfields, so it would make sense to me that as the Commander of the Ferelden Grey, I should speak Ander as well."

"The First Warden always writes in the common tongue as does everyone else around. Now, are you really going to tell me what's going on, or am I just going to have to guess."

Eriana sighed heavily and looked up from the book in front of her. "Alright, in all honesty, Nate, I've just trying to keep my mind occupied here lately. Learning these languages, immersing myself in the business of the arling, they're all good ways of distracting myself."

"Ana, I know that your father's death has been difficult, but you'll never move past this unless you deal with it."

"Well, maybe I don't want to deal with it. With everything else that I have on my plate, it's just too much to deal with right now, and I'd rather just keep myself busy, body and mind, than to let my mind wander."

"Ana…"

"No, Nate, you of all people should understand this. I don't have time to have a breakdown right now. You know what kind of pressure is on me here. I have to prove that I am worthy of the faith Alistair has given me in placing me in this position; I have to prove that I am capable of leading the Wardens; and I have to do all this in the public eye at all times. I can't let myself dwell on Father's death, or I'll break down completely."

Nathaniel did understand where she was coming from, but still wished she would make an effort to deal with her grief rather than simply ignoring it. However, an outsider looking at her would never know she was upset; in fact, she was looking healthier and happier than he ever remembered seeing her. She had regained all the weight she had lost after the death of her child, and the strenuous daily workouts had left her body lean and powerful. Her long blond hair was silky and her face bright and full of life. Oghren, though, was among the new people who weren't fooled by her apparent turn around. She may look like the picture of health, and she may smile and occasionally laugh, but the fire and determination that used to make her eyes sparkle were gone. She was still hurting though she tried desperately to convince herself and everyone around her that she wasn't.

The only time he ever saw her eyes light up anymore was when she and Ramoth would work with the other Wardens and their new mabari puppies. The Cousland brothers had sent the Wardens several male puppies from the litters that Ramoth had sired, and all four of them had imprinted onto one a Warden. Eriana took great pride in working with Ramoth to show her fellow mabari owners how to train and fight along side of their dog, and Ramoth himself took great pride in whipping his pups into shape. The residents of the keep were often amused by the sight of the massive war dog strutting through the court yard, the litter of puppies bounding after him, nipping at his haunches, trying to get their sire's attention. Ramoth would seemingly ignore them until they got too raucous; at which time, his massive head would whip around, issue them one gravely bark that served as a warning which without fail would make the quartet fall into line behind him. Only once they were properly disciplined would he relent and play with the pups. Watching her russet hound roll around with the four puppies, barking like a pup himself, was the only thing that brought a little light back into Eriana's eyes.

And that was her life for most of the spring. Eriana would wake up, work herself to the point of exhaustion and collapse into bed each night, too tired to think. If she was too tired to think, then she'd be too tired to grieve, and Zevran and her father would stay out of her dreams each night. That was the way life was for the young elf.

Until a package came from Antiva that changed everything.

-0-

Eriana walked in to her throne room and was surprised to see a few of her stronger servants and guards carrying in several rather large shipping crates as a few of her Wardens milled around, cautiously watching the situation.

"What is all this?" she said, gesturing to the boxes. She glanced over at Nathaniel. "Are we expecting a shipment of any kind today?"

"Not that I know of. Saul, Garevel, do either of you have any idea where these boxes are from?"

The seneschal shook his head while the Captain of the Amaranthine guard stepped forward with an unfamiliar young man. "This messenger showed up this morning with the usual caravan headed for Amaranthine with a cart loaded down saying that he had delivery for the Wardens of Ferelden. Apparently, he was hired in Denerim to bring this shipment here along with this letter."

Eriana took the sealed letter, glancing at it briefly before looking back at the currier. "Do you know who hired you to deliver this?"

The young man nodded. "I was hired by the new leader of the Ferelden branch of the Antivan Crows to bring this shipment into you. I traveled with a group of traders who were making their way into the city."

"Antivan Crows, huh? It's been months since I wrote to Ignacio, so I had almost given up on ever hearing back from them. I assume this is who sent the letter?"

"I'm not sure, mam; I only picked up the order once it was unloaded in Denerim. The packages as well as the letter came over with a few of their, um, guild members who were moving here."

Eriana nodded as she glanced over the boxes again, motioning for the Wardens to inspect the crates only after Ramoth had thoroughly sniffed them. As she read the letter, Nathaniel came up beside her, looking at the parchment over her shoulder. "Ignacio?"

Eriana nodded and read the letter out loud for Nathaniel whose Antivan wasn't quite as fluent as her own.

_Warden Commander,_

_Allow me to begin by expressing my deepest apologies for the trouble that you have been having with the Ferelden faction of my organization. It seems as though we have placed the wrong man in charge of that particular branch, and he seems quite unable to keep his assassins under control. This is not a shortcoming that will continue, believe me. He has already been replaced by someone more trustworthy. His negligence, however, has caused you trouble, and for that, I am sorry. I would rather our reputation not be harmed by this, so I will be taking personal interest in the situation._

_I have sent an envoy into Ferelden with the specific task of dealing with the matter. We believe that the same person is behind all of the attacks on you as well as the recent attack on your father, which, I wasn't made aware of until after it happened. Zander has been told to assist you in finding out who is behind this. He has already been in the country for several weeks and should have information prepared for you should you choose to accept our assistance._

_As for the crates, consider them a gift, an apology for allowing the situation to get out of hand and allowing you to get caught in the crossfire. They are full of weapons and armor from our stores here in Antiva City that I believe will be of some use to you and your Wardens in the future. I hope to hear from you soon. We would be most pleased to see you in Antiva City at some time._

_Move like shadows, strike strong and true._

_Ignacio_

Eriana stumbled over the last part of the letter. Surprised she glanced up and handed the parchment to Nathaniel. "I know your Antivan isn't the best, but read that last part for me. Tell me, did I translate that correctly or have I completely lost it?"

"I think you did," he said after a second. "Wow."

Sigrun glanced up at them. "What's so surprising; what'd I miss?"

"The way he closed the letter," Nathaniel said, "that last creed, 'Move like shadows, strike strong and true,' that's the unofficial motto of the Crows. They never sign correspondence that way unless it's meant to be internal."

"Ignacio signing the letter this way is his way of saying that he considers us equals in this business, not clients. It's an honor really." Eriana sighed and glanced over at Nathaniel. "So, what do you think? Do arrange a meeting with this Zander?"

"Absolutely not," said Oghren sternly. "There is no way we're letting a known assassin in here, not with everything that's been happening, no. I know you have an unnatural tendency of trusting people who are trying to kill you, but it's not happening now."

Eriana was about to agree with Oghren when Garen, who had been sorting through a box of leather armor, shouted out in surprise. "Wow, this is dragon skin armor, and detailed, gorgeous. Check this thing, Commander; it could rival Master Wade's work."

Shaking her head, Eriana turned to look at the armor and her heart nearly stopped at the sight of it. Of course it could rival Wade's armor. It _was_ Wade's armor; more specifically, it was the second set of armor Wade had made for Eriana during the blight, the armor that she had commissioned specifically for Zevran, the armor that he had been wearing when he disappeared. Crossing the room in a few seconds, Eriana snatched the dragon skin cuirass out of Garen's hands. Turning to face the messenger, she snapped, almost shouting, "What is the meaning of this?"

"Meaning of what?" the messenger stuttered, surprised at her sudden angry tone. "It's just a piece of armor. These pieces were spares that they pulled from the armory; that's all."

Eriana took several deep breaths, trying to slow her racing heart. "Bring him to my office in ten minutes," she said to Garen and motioned for Nathaniel to wait a minute before following. "I need a minute alone."

Once she had the office door shut soundly behind her, she immediately began searching the armor, looking for any clue, any message that might be hidden there. She searched every pocket, ever hidden crease, but found nothing. Dropping the armor to her desk, she leaned forward, bowing her head and taking several deep breaths to compose herself before Nathaniel, Garen, and the messenger arrived. She could break down later, but for now, she needed to at least appear to be composed.

A few moments later, Nathaniel knocked on her door, waiting for her command before entering. "You alright?"

"Later," she said tersely as she moved around to lean against the front of her desk. "So, what do you think about all this?"

Nathaniel sighed, sinking down into a chair in front of her, propping his head up on his hand. "I'm not sure. You say you wrote to Ignacio months ago about the previous attacks." Eriana nodded. "Do you know him relatively well?"

"We've spoken on several occasions, even after we had finished our business during the blight, and in every circumstance, he's been nothing but honest with me, even warning me on several occasions. Besides, several people know of our arrangement. If he or the rest of the organization backs out on it, it could seriously hurt their business in Ferelden and abroad. This offer of help benefits him as well as us."

"So do you want to meet with this Zander character?"

"I think it would be wise to meet with him; we should at least see what the crows have to say, see what information they have. Besides, with the way Braxton has been talking me down in the city, whoever is behind this may have already contacted the Crows again."

"Oghren isn't going to like this one bit."

"Oghren isn't going to know about it. For all intents and purposes everyone will believe that we've turned down their offer, accepting their gifts as all the payment we need. Have Garen return to the city in secret with the messenger. He will escort Zander back and sneak him into the keep."

Nathaniel sighed, leaning forward on his knees. "Ana, I don't like this, entrusting your safety into someone else's hands, especially to a Crow. Are you sure about this?"

"Nate, my father is already dead because I let this go on so long. This has to stop before anyone else I love gets drawn into my mess. The sooner this is dealt with, the better."

"Ana, I know you're concerned about all this, but we can't rush into anything. You're too important to do something halfway."

Eriana pushed off the table and dropped into the chair with Nathaniel, wrapping her arms around his neck. "We will be careful. You'll see to that. I just want this to be over, to move on."

Nathaniel kissed her on the forehead. "I know, Ana; I know. I want it to be over too; we'll see this assassin. Hopefully, he'll have the answers we need."

The meeting with Garen and the messenger was brief. In the end, the messenger stormed out, acting thoroughly insulted while Garen went to quickly pack his things for the journey to Denerim. After they left, Nathaniel walked over to Eriana's desk and inspected the light armor that was still lying there.

"It's Zevran's armor isn't it?" He asked, lightly tracing the intricate inlay Wade had etched into the dragon hide. Eriana nodded, a slightly surprised look on her face. "I figured as much. That's the only thing that would have gotten a reaction like that from you."

"What do you think it means? Is this some kind of message? Clearly it is because it's simply too great a coincidence for it to be mere chance. I just don't know what I'm supposed to get from this."

"I suppose it can be interpreted in one of two ways. It's either a message from Zevran saying that he's safe and that the Crows are no longer a threat to him, or it's the Crows way of telling you they've eliminated him."

"Yeah, I was afraid of that. I guess there's no real way of knowing with message it is that they're trying to send without a Crow to explain it. This wasn't exactly one of the circumstances Zevran talked about."

Nathaniel examined her for a moment. "How do you want to interpret it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, which interpretation would you prefer? Zevran's safe and he's working with the Crows, or he's been eliminated by them?"

Eriana sighed, "Honestly, I'm not sure. Part of me hopes this is a sign that he's still alive. As much as I want to hate him right now, I can't because there's still too much of me that still loves him. But if that's the case, then he's chosen not to contact me in nearly a year, and that hurts probably more than the thought that he's dead. All I know is I don't need this right now. For so long, I struggled not to fell, you know, to dull myself to everything."

"I know, Ana, but that's not in your nature."

She furiously tried to swipe away the tears that were welling up in her eyes. "He told me that very thing one time, but it's been easier since Father died. Anymore it's hard to feel anything anymore." Sniffing softly, she reached down to pick up the armor in front of her. "I just wish I had some closure, that's all. Maybe that's what this is supposed to be, I don't know, but I'm definitely going to need something more definitive if I'm ever going to move past this.

-0-

It took Garen just over a week to return to Amaranthine with Zander in tow. In that time, Eriana had made it quite clear, not only to Oghren, but to the other Wardens as well that they would not be working with the Crows. Only Sigrun, Nathaniel, and Garen knew the truth. It wasn't that Eriana didn't trust her Wardens; it was just that she preferred to play this one close to the chest. The fewer people who were aware of this meeting, the better.

Sigrun and Nathaniel met Garen and Zander just outside the walls of the Keep just as the last lights of day were dying. Blindfolding him, the three rogues led him through the labyrinth of secret passages that snaked through the castle before leading the assassin into the office where Eriana was waiting.

"Ah, the illusive Warden Commander herself," Zander said, bowing dramatically to her as he exited the secret passage and strolled into her office. "I have to say, when Ignacio first asked me to handle this situation, I had no idea it would be so difficult to meet with you. Assassination attempts, it seems, have made you somewhat paranoid."

"I wouldn't call it paranoia, just a healthy caution," Eriana said, trying not to be phased by his thick Antivan accent that sounded extremely similar to Zevran's. In all honesty, she had been expecting that, but hearing that smooth, seductive accent for the first time in so many months was a bit unnerving to the Warden. It was a good thing that the accent and the fact that he too was an elf were the only real similarities between the two men. Zander had thick dark hair that danced around his face in curly waves. His piercing green eyes shone out from his pale skin. He was lean and fit, as were all assassins from Antiva, but his voice lacked the obvious swagger and arrogance that Zevran's had.

"A little caution is a good thing, especially dealing with those you don't fully trust, so allow me to offer you a boon to help me gain your trust," he said, pulling from his pocket a missive. "This came to us just days before your man came to me in Denerim. I believe you'll recognize the name of the target."

"Soris," Eriana breathed, her composure slipping.

"Indeed," Zander said with a solemn nod. "Now, we did not accept this bid; attacking members of the Cousland household staff would be detrimental to our position here in Ferelden after all. You people simply don't handle attacks on your highest ranking nobles with the same ease as we Antivans; at least, that is what we told the man who brought us the request."

"The Crows refused a contract on my cousin?"

Zander nodded, "We did not want any more bad blood between you and the organization. When Ignacio found out that your father's death was approved by the head of the Ferelden branch; well, let's just say there's new leadership here now."

"So how can you help us?" Nathaniel asked, walking over to stand next to Eriana.

"Ah, yes, down to business. Thanks to your friend Braxton at the Gnawed Noble Tavern, I have been approached by an emissary of an unnamed noble in the city asking to hire me to deal with you. However, the request was most unusual. I'm not to kill you; only apprehend you so that whoever hired me can finish the job themselves."

"You're supposed to kidnap her? How would you ever manage that; she rarely ever leaves the Keep and when she does, she's under guard? It's a crazy notion," Nathaniel pointed out.

"For a normal person perhaps, but remember, Crows are trained to be master manipulators. Besides, I didn't take the contract just yet. I have come to Amaranthine in order to 'scout out' the potential for carrying out the request. It is important that I'm seen doing just that."

"So you think you're being watched?" Garen said, "Meaning they have agents in the city."

"Undoubtedly. Though our target is clearly based in Denerim, there are definite ties to Amaranthine."

"So what is your suggestion, then?" Eriana asked.

"A chance encounter, somewhere public where I can be seen with you, gaining your trust. The easiest and most believable encounter would be a rendezvous, a seduction of sorts."

"No," Nathaniel said sternly. "Absolutely not. She is agreeing to do nothing of the sort with you."

Zander laughed. "Of course, of course. I wasn't talking about an actual seduction, no, no, no; I didn't intend for her to actually sleep with me. Unless of course, she wants to," he added with a slight smile. Eriana sighed; there was that Antivan swagger. "What I had in mind was something a with a bit more deceit. We meet in a tavern; one in the city that she frequents. Casually I make my advances, which she will eventually respond to; at which point we disappear into her room for a time. I leave and she remains safe and well sated…looking."

"Then you report back that the mission is a go," Nathaniel said.

Zander nodded. "Once I do that, we meet again in public a few times before I begin visiting the keep. After a few visits, I disappear with her, taking her to the drop point with a team of Wardens following close behind. Once we are there, we should be able to take out whoever is behind this."

"Why go through all the trouble, though," Sigrun spoke up. "I mean, why make such a public showing of that? Wouldn't it be easier if the Commander just went with you the first time instead of this elaborate show of sneaking away after weeks of pretending?"

Zander glanced at Nathaniel, motioning for him to answer the dwarf's question. "It can't look like he got her so easily or they'll suspect trap. Eriana wouldn't allow herself to be overpowered, and they know that. Plus, even with that first meeting in a tavern, Zander would never escape the building with her, not with the other Wardens standing guard. If we play it the way Zander suggests, we'll be able to trick whoever's behind this into believing that he's really starting to gain her trust, giving us a better chance of nailing them."

"Well, Commander, what do you think?" Zander asked, eyeing her cautiously.

"Let's do it. I have business in the city in three days; I was already planning on spending the night. We can do it then."

"In three days then," Zander said with a nod. "I'll find you in the tavern in the evening. Make sure that you are sitting alone. Be reading or something like that, but remember, you have to be open to my joining you, otherwise the seduction will never be believable."

"I can do it as long as you play your part well."

"Of course, now if there' nothing else…"

"Actually, before you go, I had a question of a personal nature to ask you. Guys, if you don't mind giving us a minute." The other rogues nodded, and Nathaniel said that they'd be waiting outside the door. Eriana waited until the others were gone before pulling out Zevran's armor. "I found this with the weapons and armor your master sent to us. It used to belong to me, so I was curious as to what the message of it was."

"When you say belonged to you, you mean of course that it belonged to Zevran, yes?" Eriana nodded. "As for the intended message, I am not sure. I was not given any addition information apart from the fact that you would be receiving the weapons and arms as compensation."

"So can you at least tell me what has been going on with the Crows? Our reports have been sketchy at best."

"Alas, my Lady, that I cannot do. What happens within the Crows, I am afraid, stays within the Crows. Until there is a definite end to our internal conflict; outsiders must be kept out of the loop. I'm sorry that that was not the answer you were looking for, but it is all I can give you."

"I understand," Eriana said with a sigh. "I may not like it, but I do understand." Moving to the door, Eriana waved the others in. "Garen will see you out of the keep. Thank you for all your help, and I'll be seeing you in a few days."

"Good night, My Lady."

-0-

_Ah, so we have a new sexy Antivan enter the picture, and no, it's not Zevran in disguise. Same voice, but a different man entirely. There's no way Zev could have pulled that off; Ana would have recognized him instantly._

_Anyway, please review and let me know what you think._


	44. Chapter 44

Alright folks, it's been a while so I'll refresh your memory a bit. Last time we saw Ana, she was making a secretive, backroom agreement with a mysterious stranger from Antiva, Zander. He is an assassin who has been hired to abduct her, and they have arranged a public rendezvous to fool her would-be killer.

-0-

Eriana gave the Beatrice a small smile of appreciation as the tavern girl placed a new tankard of mead on the table in front of her. She was a rather spent, having spent most of the morning at the docks, discussing new trading agreements with a few traveling merchants who were in town. After lunch, she spent the afternoon visiting the new training facility for the city guards and going over new drills for both new recruits and seasoned veterans. Since the Guard began employing elves to serve as archers and lookouts, crime in the market and alienage, the two areas where the elven guards patrolled, had dropped significantly. The Captain of the Guard was so pleased that he was beginning to employ more elves and spread them throughout the city. She also had a very long lunch with the Revered Mother and the head templar of the Amaranthine Chantry concerning a possible deal between the Chantry and apostates who called her city home. After seeing Anders and Petra heal the sick during the harsh months of winter, several apostates approached her, asking for sanctuary in return for their services as city healers. To Eriana, the situation seemed like a win-win. The mages would live permanently in the city and tend to the needs of the people, leaving the Warden mages to focus on their duties. Since they would have a permanent residence, the Templars could keep tabs on them, occasionally checking for demonic possession. One of the apostates also had amazing skill with a blade and training as an arcane mage. Much to Eriana's surprise, he was willing to join the city guard, lending his unique skills set to the defense of the city and Arling.

Having met the Reverend Mother before, Eriana was concerned that she would be the most resistant to the idea, but apparently, a long struggle with a particularly nasty strain of the flu and the miraculous intervention of a certain blonde healer had completely changed her view of mages. She was quite excited about the possibility of having a few healers in the city full time, a privilege that was usually only reserved for the royal family and perhaps the Couslands. It was Ser Lucan who required the most convincing. It had taken several months of ferrying requests back and forth between the two groups, but Eriana was sure she had finally brokered a deal between the two. The four mages would live in a home next to the Chantry. The home was going to built and maintained by the arling, and the down stairs would serve as a clinic. They were allowed to travel outside the city with the guard, provided a templar or a Warden with training in basic templar abilities accompanied them. Occasionally, the templars would check on them to make sure that everything was going well. The mages also signed an agreement promising to avoid the practice of several of the more dangerous branches of magic. If they violated the agreement, the templars had permission to take them into custody, but as long as they followed the agreement, they were allowed to live outside the Chantry or the Circle. Eriana reminded the templars that should they break the agreement then she would simply conscript them into the Grey Wardens and station them back in the city, free from any templar influence.

Giving a self-satisfied sigh, Eriana glanced over the final draft of the letter she was sending to the apostates confirming the final details of the agreement. Ideally, she would need a circle mage to join them in order to train them in the nuances of spirit healing, but that would be a hard sell. Even though he had lightened up on the mages since the rebellion and for the vital role they played in the final battle, Gregor was still wary about allowing mages to live outside the circle, so Anders and Petra may have to train the mages for a little while. She was mulling over how exactly she would present her plan to the First Enchanter and Knight Captain when someone approached her table.

"Ah, such a beautiful flower, too lovely to be hidden away in a back corner amongst such thorns," a suave, Antivan accent cooed in her ear. The familiarity in that smug tone to the voice and cool accent sent an involuntary shudder down Eriana's back. She knew Zander would be approaching her in the tavern tonight, but she had been so focused on the letter that it that had honestly slipped her mind, catching her off guard when he approached to her. His voice was so like Zevran's that it completely caught her off guard for a moment. Steeling her nerves, the young elf turned and looked at the assassin, her breath catching momentarily in her throat when she saw him. Surely some part of her brain had realized when he first came to meet her just how handsome this man was, but seeing him, standing beside her in a loose-fitting silk tunic and tight leather pants was a bit disorienting. He was gorgeous, his bright blue eyes sparkling beneath his long dark hair and lashes. Ana's heart skipped a beat just looking at him.

Shaking her head and glancing around, Eriana smiled. "I'm not sure what you're talking about. I'm sitting by myself, so how can I be amongst anything."

"It's not who you're with, bella donna; it's how you are sitting. Sequestered in the corner, papers around you; you may as well be waving a flag that says, 'all men, stay away; I am not interested.'"

"You know, that flag this is not a bad idea," Eriana mused, glancing up at him for a moment before looking away. Maker, was it getting warm in here? "But the question is, would it have worked?"

"Probably not. Most men in here are either unable to read or too foolish to heed the warning signs."

"So which are you, then; too ignorant or too foolish."

Zander grinned, "Neither, I'm just too brave to let a few prickly thorns deter me from speaking to the loveliest woman in the tavern this evening."

Eriana glanced around her, slightly confused by his words. "I'm sitting by myself; what thorns do you see?"

"Oh, there are thorns all round," the assassin said, smiling slyly down at her. "Especially that table of rather stern looking warriors sitting over there staring daggers at me."

Glancing quickly over the assassin's shoulder, Eriana noticed that her Wardens were glaring at them. Oghren especially looked like he was only seconds away from crossing the room and dragging the male elf out into the street for merely talking to her. It always warmed her heart to see how protective Oghren was over her. Cocking her head, she turned her attention back to Zander, smiling up at the assassin. "So, my brave suitor, are you sure that you are willing to incur the wrath of such a hostile looking group?"

"For a beauty such as you, I would risk an entire squadron of such adversaries. Now, might I be permitted to sit, or shall we continue this discussion with me hovering at your tableside. I wouldn't mind, of course, there are certain privileges that come from looking at you from this angel," he pointed out with a mischievous grin on his face. "I would like to remind you, though that you are supposed to be receptive to my advances, yes? Otherwise we would have to arrange a second rendezvous, no."

Eriana sighed dramatically. "I suppose you will need to join me, but you'll have to sit over there," she said, nodding toward the booth on the other side of the table.

"And why, pray tell, is that?" Zander asked, sliding into the seat across from her.

"It would seem far too suspicious if I simply allowed you to slide in beside me, now wouldn't it. Remember, I don't know you. For all I know, you may be an assassin sent to kill me."

"I am," he pointed out, a huge grin on his face.

"Actually, you've been sent to abduct me, not the same thing," she replied. "But to all of them, I don't know you, so I have to keep a safe distance away from you until you've earned my trust. You know how it goes."

"A wise and beautiful woman, it is a good thing that all my targets are not as shrewd as you, or I would have to work twice as hard to get anything done, no?"

Eriana cocked her head and looked at the dark-haired assassin, her heart leaping into her throat at the compliment. "You know, I've always wondered what kind of tricks you guys have that make women trust you so quickly. I mean, surely all marks aren't quite so dim-witted and easily fooled. I mean, surely it's more complicated than dropping a few obvious lines."

"Ah, but in the hands of a master, intelligence and cunning are no help to most women. It isn't about how smart the woman is; even the shrewdest of women can be fooled by one who knows what he is doing. It's about subtle manipulations and knowing what will work on what woman, not her inherit intelligence."

"Really? Are women that much easier to manipulate?"

Zander threw his head back and laughed. "No, no, my dear young Warden. Believe me, men are equally easy to control, different tactics, same result."

"So, imagining that you were approaching me as one of your normal targets, what would be your plan of attack?" she asked, taking a long drink from her tankard.

Zander smiled, "Well, first I would observe for a while. Though you were clearly sending out the typical stay away signals, it's clear that you are not accustomed to being alone in a situation like this."

"Okay, wait, what do you mean by signals. What signals was I sending out?"

"Your choice of seating was the first one. Tucked away in a corner with a table between you and the rest of the bar, buried in those papers, glaring at anyone who comes near you; these are all signs that you would rather be alone. Add to that the fact that you are sitting with your back to the wall, showing that you are keenly aware of what goes on around you despite the fact that I was able to startle you," he added with a smile.

Eriana rolled her eyes, "Okay, fair enough, but why would you assume the second part, that I wasn't used to being alone?"

"Those signs are just as clear if you know what to look for," Zander explained. "You frequently glance over at the group of your companions; occasionally, you will stop and stare into space; and most telling of all, you watch all the couples in the bar."

The blonde elf blanched slightly. "Do I really?"

Zander nodded. "The sad look on your face when you do is quite telling, dear one. Seeing that, I can infer a number of things: One, that you have been hurt recently in a relationship. Two, you have yet to truly recover from said relationship. And three...well, we'll get to three later," he added with a grin.

Eriana rolled her eyes at the assassin. "You knew that about me already, so I can hardly trust that you inferred all that just by watching me."

"True, but I'm just telling you what I saw and what I would assume if I were really scouting you out as a target." Zander waved his hand, "The fact that I knew this about you is consequential. Besides, an assassin is often told things such as this as part of the contract. You did have a very public relationship, no? Many people know of the recent end to your relationship. It would be natural for your assassin to know it as well."

"I guess that makes sense," Eriana admitted. "So you've scoped me out, now what do you do?"

"What I've already done with you. I approach her, give her a small compliment, gauging her reaction to the compliment, and then I strike up a casual conversation."

"What do you mean gauge her reaction?"

"All women react differently to complements. Some women preen under them, almost expecting them from every man that they meet; women like that are easy to manipulate. You just keep feeding them compliments until they're feeding out of your hand. Other women are automatically put on guard when a man praises them, so you must be restricted and sincere with your praise," Zander explained carefully.

"So which one am I?"

Zander gave her a sad smile. "Neither, I'm afraid. Compliments will often put you on guard, but that is not your main reaction. You, my dear, are a bit of an enigma because you do not believe the praise that is given to you. It is painted all over your face. You doubt whether or not I am sincere and assume my words of praise were weak attempts at flattery, and I would be confident in saying that such is your normal response. You do not see yourself as others see you, so you do not believe them. However, I will get to that later. We are about to be interrupted," he pointed out, nodding across the room to where the Wardens had been boisterously enjoying their drinks. Now the entire company sat in stony silence and watched as Oghren crossed the room, an angry scowl on his face.

"Oghren has always been a bit protective of me," Eriana whispered. "That's part of the reason I brought him today. He needs to see us together several times before he will even begin to put any trust in you if he ever does."

"I'll take my chances with the dwarf," he muttered, glancing at the approaching warrior. "Besides, if worse comes to worse, you can always jump in and defend my honor."

Eriana chuckled, "Hum, I could use this as a test to see if you are capable of holding your own, but I don't want to risk an asset...not yet anyway." She paused, taking a long sip from her tankard as Oghren walked up.

"Commander," he said tersely, glancing at her briefly before giving Zander his most intimidating glare. Eriana was impressed by the devilish grin the assassin shot back at the Orzammar warrior; not many can pull off such a nonplussed attitude under the full weight of Oghren's stare. "Is everything alright over here, or do I need to remove this man from the premises?"

"It's fine, Oghren; we were just talking. Nothing underhanded or threatening thus far."

Oghren glanced back over at the man, unconvinced. "He better not be too friendly." He glanced back up at Ana. "I'll be right over there if you need me, and as for you," he said, turning back to Zander, "you better not lay a hand or anything else on her that you aren't willing to lose. Am I clear?"

"Crystal my diminutive friend," Zander said with a sly grin.

Oghren grunted a the assassin, giving him one more parting look before heading back across the room.

"So," Zander said, leaning across the table. "Where were we? Ah, yes, we were discussing my moves, were we not?"

"That's right; you were just explaining to me the importance of the initial compliment. What comes after that?"

"Well, for the women who crave the adulation, they are the easy ones. Like I said, all you have to do is continue to praise them and you'll have them in no time. Then you just make an excuse to get them alone, and the rest, as they say, is history. Those who are suspicious are a bit more difficult; as such, some times it will take a few encounters to gain their trust. However, once you find that one thing they are proud of or good at, they are just as easy to manipulate as the prideful ones."

"And the last group?"

Zander was quiet for a moment. "The last group is infinitely more difficult because there is no way to build confidence in a single meeting. Usually I try to identify the source of the insecurity and exploit that."

Eriana's eyes narrowed. "And that works?"

"Usually. Think about your situation; really consider why it is that you doubt me or anyone else when you are given a compliment. It likely boils down to someone who has hurt you in the past, so you no longer feel that you are worthy of such a complement. As such, you have lost confidence in yourself, not only in your appearance but in your abilities as well. That's why you try so hard to over compensate sometimes." Zander shook his head, his assassin mask suddenly dropping and a sincere look of anger crossing his face. "He was an idiot, you know."

"Excuse me?"

"Zevran, he is a complete idiot." Eriana felt a stab of pain at the mention of her former lover's name. An immediate need to defend him rose up in her chest as Zander continued to talk. "A woman as beautiful, intelligent, and talented as you are should never for a moment doubt a compliment that you are given." Zander shook his head bitterly. "And all that aside...you're you!"

"What do you mean by that?" she stammered.

"You are the Hero of Ferelden; the woman who single handedly saved all of Thedas from the Blight by Andraste's sake. For you to doubt yourself, he must have really waylaid you."

Eriana laughed bitterly. "You clearly haven't been in Ferelden long enough if you think my achievements against the darkspawn have done anything to change the way most people in this country look at me. Yeah, I had a hand in killing the archdemon, but in a few years, that will all be attributed to Loghain. He was the one who dealt the killing blow after all. Besides, he's the clearer hero. In time, his misdeeds will be forgotten, overshadowed by his sacrifice, and I will just be a footnote on his epitaph." The young elf leaned across the table to look at the assassin. "For almost everyone in this country, I'm still an elf, and that's all I will ever be. You think Zevran's leaving caused me to doubt myself? Please, I grew up in an alienage; I know where my worth lies in the eyes of most men in this country. I know where compliments like that can lead; the truth that usually lies beneath them."

"It is a shame you were not born in Antiva," Zander said after observing her for a moment. "We do not have alienages as you do here. You would have been appreciated for the beauty that you are."

"Right," she drawled with a roll of her eyes. "So instead of being raised among a loving family, I'd be primed as a high-priced whore. Alienage walls or not, we will always be marginalized because of our race. Why do you think the Crows made chose to train you? Your race makes you the perfect assassin; that's why they use you. Whether here or in in Antiva, I'd still be stuck behind walls; some are just easier to see. I prefer to be here, thank you very much. At least here, there are no delusions as to what I am or what value I have."

Zander leaned back, steepling his fingers together in front of him. "See, that is where you are wrong. You have lived so long under this kind of repression that you can't imagine it being different anywhere else, but believe me when I tell you, you would be treasured in Antiva. That is what you deserve," he said, as he reached across the table to take her hand. Eriana's heart quickened at the contact. "You are a woman who deserves to be treasured, not cast so carelessly aside regardless of his reasons for it."

"Oh, and I suppose you believe that you are the man to do it."

"Perhaps," he answered with a small smile. "I certainly wouldn't say no to such a challenge."

Eriana leveled her gaze at the assassin. "So what would you do? How would you be different from every other man?" she asked, part of her hoping that they were having a genuine conversation; part of her hoping that this was all for show.

Before she realized he had moved, Zander had slid into the seat beside her, taking her hand into his while gazing at her with such an intense stare that it took a great deal of effort for her not to look away. "Eriana," he whispered her name like it was a prayer. "If I was given the chance to be with a woman like you, it would take all the forces of heaven and earth to pull me away, and I were ever fortunate enough to gain your affection, then even those would be hard pressed to separate us."

He reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. "Yet, if I was given only one night, one chance to be with you, I would make it one that you would never forget. I would treat you as you deserve, worshiping your body, taking you to the very heights of pleasure, and not just because I wanted to be with you. No, I would do this because it is no less than you deserve. You deserve to be with a man who values and treasures you and knows how to treat you. A woman as you should be treated like a queen, and the man lucky enough to be with you should treat you as such." The assassin cocked his head and looked down at her. "It has been far too long since you've known the touch of a man, Eriana, of a real man. You have forgotten what it feels like to be valued, to be adored, and that is why you doubt, why don't trust when someone praises you. You need someone to wipe those doubts from you. I would give anything to be the man to do that, the man to show you just how special you are. You deserve to be kissed, caressed, adored...and frequently, too, by someone who knows how." He grinned at her, "And believe me, I know how."

Eriana's breath caught in her throat. "That is a good line," she said, breathlessly, breaking eye contact with him. His words had struck a nerve deep within her. How often had Zevran said such things; how many times had she heard those very words fall from his lips? Hearing them from the Zander stirred feelings deep inside, yet it hurt knowing that it was all a lie. Her wounded psyche was beginning to regret asking to see his moves; it ended up hurting too much, hitting far too close to home.

She was surprised, then, when Zander caught her chin and tilted her head up and looked her in the eyes. "That was no line. I have meant every word that I have said to you here tonight. You are an amazing, passionate woman who deserves much better that what life has doled out to you, and I wish I could be the one to show you that." He gently traced her cheek with back of his finger.

"You really mean that, all of it?" the young elf asked, ashamed at the quiver in her voice.

"Every word," he answered with such sincerity that, despite herself, Eriana believed him.

Without thinking, she glanced up at him, relishing the warmth of his hand on her cheek. "Kiss me," she said breathlessly.

To his credit, Zander didn't question her; instead, he simply cupped her cheek, drawing her in as his lips met hers. A fire ignited in her belly as she opened her mouth, drawing him in as her arms snaked around his neck. His lips broke from hers for a moment as he began to pepper her jawline with light, sensual kisses. The fire in her belly began to spread until her entire body felt like it was consumed in flames. Zander's lips returned to hers, capturing her in a searing kiss that left her completely breathless. She wasn't sure if it was the booze or the fact that it had been so long since she had been kissed like this, but something was making her feel light-headed. It was as if a long-standing fog had finally been lifted from her mind, as if the void that had dwelt so long in her chest was slowly beginning to close. Pulling away from him, she looked into his dark, lust-filled eyes. "We should take this up stairs," she said quietly.

This time he did pause to look at her. "Are you sure?" At her tentative nod, he kissed her again, grabbing her things off the table before taking her hand and leading her upstairs. Eriana followed, trying not to cast a glance at her Wardens sitting across the room who were, no doubt, staring at her. This was completely out of character for her, even for those who had known her for a long time, but maybe this was just what she needed. She'd find out soon enough.

Before she knew it, she was pushed against the door, his lean body pressed against her as he devoured her mouth again. This time, all restraints were gone as his hands eagerly searched her body. "You know that I have no expectations from you," he whispered in her ear. "After all, the plan was merely to disappear into your room for a time. We need only do this if it is what you truly want."

Eriana didn't say a word, not quite trusting herself to talk; instead, she stepped back, taking his hand as she led him across the room to the bed. Zander needed no further words of affirmation.

The next few hours passed in a blur of sensual pleasure as Zander played her body with the skill of a master musician. He was true to his word, worshiping every inch of her, caressing her warm, smooth skin, and bringing her to the heights of pleasure over and over. He was completely selfless, brushing her hand away every time she would each for him, focusing on her pleasure rather than his own. It would have been easy for her to simply close her eyes and imagine that the smooth voice whispering Antivan into her ear was Zevran's, to image that those strong, toned arms belonged to a different assassin, to give into the dream that her assassin had returned to her, but she didn't let herself give in to the illusion. Instead, she stayed focused on Zander, her eyes locked onto his when he finally settled between her legs, waiting for her quick nod of acquiescence before sliding into her, giving her a sense of completion she hadn't felt in over a year. It was intoxicating, addicting, and, she knew on some level, healing. She knew that she may come to regret it, submitting so easily to his advances, but for the moment, she was too satisfied, to sated to care.

Bringing her to completion one more time, Zander groaned, allowing himself to fall over the edge before collapsing next to her on the bed. Against her better judgment, she rolled over, snuggling against him, resting her head on his chest as the two elves tried to catch their breath. Zander pressed a kiss to the top of her head before propping himself up to look at her. "Maker's breath, you are beautiful," he said as he traced intricate patterns on her stomach. "No regrets, I hope."

Eriana smiled, pushing herself up to plant a kiss on his lips. "None. You were absolutely right; this was exactly what I needed. In fact, I'm thinking that we definitely need to do this several more times; you know, to make sure who ever is watching us is completely convinced that you've successfully wooed me."

Zander grinned, "I believe that can be arranged. We can't take any chances, can we?"

Eriana shook her head and flopped back onto the pillow behind her, struggling to stay awake. Zander chuckled slightly and gave her a quick kiss before crawling out of bed to collect his belongings. "As much as I'd like to stay, I'm afraid we must cut our evening short. You would never fall asleep with a stranger in the room, and I am sure your friends are eager to see if you are still alive."

"You're probably right," she said, stretching out as she watched him get dressed, thoroughly enjoying the view. Once he was dressed, he returned to her, perching on the side of the bed to give her one last kiss. The scene was very familiar; it reminded her of the times Zevran would slink from her tent when they first began their affair. A giddy, euphoric feeling surged through her when he looked down at her, lust and hunger still clearly visible in his eyes.

"I will see you in a few days, yes? Good. Sleep well Bella Donna," he whispered before giving her a quick peck and darting out of her room.

Fully satisfied, the blonde elf sank back into her pillows. Closing her eyes, she began to count. She hadn't even reached 10 when, without ceremony, her door flew open and Oghren stormed in, his cautious eyes searching the room. "So you're alive," he said gruffly. "I'll go let Groem know that he can let the Antivan go. I'll be back, though; we need to talk."

"I can't wait," she said with a faux groan.

While he was gone, Eriana took a second to get cleaned up and pull on a pair of pants and a linen shirt. When Oghren returned, she motioned toward one of the chairs in the room while she took the one opposite him. "As you can see, I'm in one piece; there was nothing for you to be worried about."

"No, not at all; you just took off with a complete stranger when you've been dealing with assassination attempts for the past two years. Of course, nothing at all to worry about. Ana, what were you thinking?"

"Um, I was thinking that I was attracted to a man who I wanted to spend some time with, and I'm a grown woman who can take care of myself," Eriana said with a huff.

"Kiddo, I'm not saying you can't take care of yourself; I'm just asking you to be careful. You have people who care about you, who care what happens to you, and I'm not comfortable letting you put yourself in a senselessly dangerous situation." The dwarf shook his head angrily. "I'm starting to understand why Alistair had such a hard time with Zevran."

Eriana laughed. "Oghren, this is not the same as what happened with Zevran. Zev tried to kill me; that's how we met. Zander came up to me in a bar and started to talk to me. It's completely different."

Oghren sighed and looked up at her. "Look, Kid, I'm not just worried about your physical safety. Ancestors know you can take care of yourself in that respect. I'm just worried that you are trying to avoid dealing with the situation."

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Look, when Branka left me, I tried to drink my pain away. It was my crutch; my way of dealing with something I didn't want to deal with and something that I still have to deal with. I know you've been trying to cope by keeping yourself busy with all your business stuff; I just don't want this to be something that you do trying to distract yourself only to come to regret it."

Eriana reached over and took the dwarf's hand. "Oghren, I appreciate your concern, really I do, but this isn't a desperate attempt to escape." Eriana sighed softly, "But it is something I need right now; I don't think I realized how much I needed it, but I do."

"You don't think that this is just a desperate substitution, one suave Antivan for another?"

"I really thought that it might have been, but honestly it's not. This isn't some frantic attempt to replace Zev, really it isn't. I don't know what it is; maybe it's moving on, maybe it's healing. All I know is that it felt right; either way, I just need you to trust me on this; Zander is what I need right now."

"Alright Kid, I'll trust you," he said, leaning over to pat he on the knee. "I just wanted to make sure you thought about what you are doing here. You know I only want what's best for you; you know that, right?"

"I know," she said, pulling the dwarf into a hug, "and I appreciate it."

"Alright, then, I'll leave you to get some sleep. Night Kiddo."

Eriana bid the dwarf goodnight, locking the door before slipping back into the bed, snuggling into the warm sheets that still bore Zander's warm scent, feeling better than she had in months, not bothering to wonder what the implications of that might be.

-0-

Please, please, please forgive me. This has been a very difficult semester for me. I've been teaching two new curriculums this semester, and it has kept me very busy. I've also been struggling with writing in general, so I've had a rough time motivating myself to sit down and write. Hopefully, getting this chapter out there will help motivate me again.


	45. Chapter 45

_Hey guys, I'm back. I'm sorry about the long delay. I got pregnant and spent the first three months of this year so sick that I could barely sit up, much less do any writing. By the time I got to feeling better, my coaching season had started. Hopefully, I can get some writing in before this little one is born. I hope you all enjoy this, if any of you are still with me._

~~~0~~~

Shing...shing...shing...

Amid the early morning clashing of swords and the zipping of arrows hurling toward straw targets, one sound seemed to ring out among the rest, the sound of Ogren's massive ax as it slid rhythmically over a whetstone. The practice yard was full of recruits, wardens, and guards going through their morning training regimens. There was, however, one person missing from the normal morning maelstrom, and her absence seemed to scream out to Ogren over the normal din of the morning's activities. It wasn't Eriana's absence, per-say, that irked him; Maker knows she deserved a late morning from time to time. In fact, under normal circumstances, Ogren would have been pleased that she had skipped her normal morning regimen. She had been trying her best to run herself ragged since she returned from the one-year celebration. Before now, seeing her missing from her normal training routine would have settled his mind somewhat, but he knew that her absence wasn't about resting or cutting back. It was about that blighted assassin who was, at this moment, shacked up in her room...just like he had been four times already in the past two weeks.

Three months had passed since his commander and friend apparently completely lost her mind and took the unknown Antivan back to her room in the inn. Since then, not a week had passed in which the dark-haired elf hadn't made his presence amongst the Wardens known. At first it was an occasional rendezvous whenever the Wardens or Eriana had business in Amaranthine; then it progressed to his visits to the keep. Though the entire thing irked the dwarf to no end, Oghren kept his mouth closed; well, for the most part anyway. The assassin was always gone in a few hours, and the Commander always saw him out, assuring all that she was in one piece. Not that anyone besides him seemed concerned anymore; most of the residents of the keep didn't even bat an eye at his presence anymore. For the past few nights, though, Eriana had been letting the assassin spend the night in her room, in her bed; it as all a bit too much for the dwarf.

"You know, if you keep scowling like that, you're going to scare off the recruits, maybe even a few of the veterans, too," Nathaniel joked light-heartedly, sitting down beside Oghren and pulling him from his angry musing. "I think Ulfric may even be a bit wary of you at the moment."

Oghren huffed, looking at the newest addition to the Fereldan Wardens, a 20-year veteran from the Free Marches who had transferred recently to the south to offer his expertise to the young order. The seasoned warrior was currently putting a group of exhausted recruits through their paces, fighting as many as three of them at a time without breaking a sweat. "Ulfric is none of my concern at present."

"I know what your concern is, and you're not alone in that," Nathaniel said with a sigh. "We're all concerned about her, you know, and we all want what is best for her. She's been pushing herself far too hard for the last year and a half, something you can see better than any of us because you've known her longer than any of us. I don't know why you refuse to see it, but he's good for her." Oghren huffed and turned his attention back to his already deadly blade. "If it makes you feel any better, if he had any intention of killing her, I'm pretty sure he would have made his move already."

"Yeah, thanks, that really takes a huge load off my shoulders. I'm so glad we could have his talk, Howe. We should take that approach with every stranger who shows up on our doorstep; just let them into her room at night, and as long as they don't make an attempt on her, they're safe." The dwarf turned and glared at him. "Are you sure you're not still trying to kill her?"

Nathaniel laughed, shaking his head. "I doubt Zander can hardly be classified as a stranger any more. Not to Eriana anyway." The look Oghren shot the young noble was nearly as deadly as his ax edge. "Oh, come on now, even you have to admit Eriana looks healthier today than I have ever seen her, and if anyone has a good sense about who to trust and who not to trust, it's her. Why can't you trust her on this?"

Oghren sighed. Regardless of his feelings toward and distrust of the assassin, his Eriana had started looking and acting more like the woman he'd known during the blight. Now she was laughing at meals, cracking jokes during scouting runs, and eating like a starved mabari again. Her skin had a new, healthier glow, and the sparkle had returned to her eyes for the first time since her father died. And Howe was right about her instincts. After all, Zevran, Loghain, even Howe himself had all started out trying to kill her only to end up defending her after she showed them mercy. Loathe as he was to admit it, Howe did have a point. "I still don't like him."

"No, I'm sure you wouldn't, but you do like the commander. She needs this, even if she doesn't exactly realize it as of yet."

~~~~0~~~~

Zander was awake well before the first rays of sun crept in through the windows of Vigil's Keep. In fact, he had been up most of the night, his mind far too restless to allow him any true sleep. Pressed against his side, her legs entwining with his, lay Eriana, her blonde hair cascading across his chest and over her pillow in golden waves as she slept, her face, the picture of tranquility and relaxation. The last three months had rattled him more than he believed he could have been rattled. After all, wasn't he supposed to be a heartless murder who was incapable of developing any affectionate feelings? That's what he was trained to be, what his life had molded him into. How was it that he was actually beginning to develop what was increasingly becoming true feelings for this woman? Sighing quietly to himself and being careful not to move lest he disturb the sleeping goddess beside him, Zander let his mind wander back to that night nearly a year ago when he left Antiva bound for Ferelden.

When Zevran first approached him to explain his plan to overthrow the Crows, Zander thought he was crazy. When he explained that he was doing it for a woman, Zander knew he was completely insane. It was so against Zevran's nature to do something so rash and reckless for a woman. Zander thought that surely the incident with Rinna would have taught him not to let his heart get the better of him, but apparently that wasn't the case. Zander remembered the night his brother in everything but blood had come to him with his plan.

Zander had been in Rialto carrying out his latest contract from the Crows when he returned to his rented room to find Zev waiting for him, sprawled out on Zander's bed, flipping through several papers as he nursed a bottle of wine that sat on the nightstand. Zander didn't bother to ask how Zev had found him; he just sighed and poured himself a glass of wine and sat down on the bed beside his brother. Normally, he'd be more cautious, even around those who he knew, but Zevran was the only person in the world that Zander trusted implicitly. The two had been purchased from the same brothel and had gone through their training together. They had never gone out on jobs together for fear that their extremely close relationship would compromise the mission. And though they considered each other brothers, they rarely ever spent time together, especially in the open, sagely choosing to keep the details of their friendship private so that it could never be used against them.

"So," Zander said, taking a long drink of the wine, "the prodigal son returns. Rumors of your exploits in Ferelden have been fascinating, but I thought you'd all but resolved yourself to live out the rest of your life in the land of the dog lords. What brings you back to our fair shores, fratello?"

What the blonde elf said next nearly made Zander spit out the drink he had just taken. "It's quite simple really; I plan to take over the Crows."

Staring dumbly at his best friend, it took Zander a few moments to realize that he hadn't been joking. Shaking his head, the raven-headed elf motioned for Zev to continue and then spent the next two hours listening as the blonde went through his rather simple, yet strangely elaborate plans.

"So what is it that you want from me? It sounds to me as though most of these plans should only require your talents."

"This is true; however, it does require me to be here, and while I am here, there is no one looking after my interests back in Ferelden. That is where you come in."

"Your interests; you mean the girl," Zander said.

"Precisely," Zev said, leaning back and taking a long drink. "I have no doubt that she and the Wardens she surrounds herself with can take care of her person for the most part. They are quite capable, I'm sure; however, since coming here, I have learned that there are several interested parties attempting to take out contracts on my Warden."

"They will not be accepted," Zander pointed out. "The leadership of the Crows does not wish to embarrass themselves further by continuing to attempt to eliminate her and anger the Grey Wardens. Besides, they have made an agreement with her. These requests are nothing to worry about."

"From the Crows, that is true. I doubt even competent rogue agents would be foolish enough to attempt to take an independent contract, and if they did, she would no doubt take care of them. I'm not even worried that much about them going to other guilds. If she can handle Crows, she can handle the Red Sons or other such groups. But I would prefer to eliminate the problem at the source."

"You want me to go to Ferelden and eliminate those who are trying to take out a hit on her?"

"Among other things, yes."

"Other things?"

At this, Zevran took a deep breath and a troubled look crossed his face. "I need you close to her. I didn't exactly inform her of my plans before I left, and I'm afraid that she feel betrayed even hurt by my departure. If the rumors I'm hearing are true, she has not handled it well." Zev looked up at his best friend. "Help her; whatever it takes, help her, heal her."

Zander shook his head, confused. "I'm sorry, but I need to be clear about what you are asking here. Are you saying you want me to…"

Zevran cursed and downed his drink. "I am not telling you to do anything. In fact the thought of you doing anything with her makes me want to slice your throat, but I know that may be what she needs. I know her, Zander," his friend said, the pain evident behind his amber eyes, "she was only just beginning to believe in herself. That back-woods, uneducated group of heathens she calls her countrymen had all but destroyed her. I am afraid my leaving may have undone all her progress. Yet, I could not warn her or explain my intentions because she would have insisted on coming with me, and that I could not allow. It is too dangerous to bring her here right now."

Zander looked intently at his brother, seeing the obvious pain on his face. A revelation struck him. "You truly care for this woman, don't you Zev? I mean, you really care for her."

"She is my only reason for drawing breath, Alexander. I thought that the Crows had killed any part of me that was capable of feeling anything besides lust and hate, but she has opened my life up to a whole new world of possibilities. I would walk to the edge of Thedas for her, and being away from her is physically painful, but I have to, Zander, to keep her safe."

"Maybe the safest thing for her, then, would be to give her up completely. You know that even as the head of the Crows, you could never completely ensure her safety. "

"That is something that I cannot do, Zander. If I must be away from her for a few years to ensure our future, then I will willingly make that sacrifice. I just need to know that someone I trust is looking out for her. Please, can you do this for me, my friend?"

Now, looking down at the woman whose body was intertwined with his, Zander was beginning to understand what Zevran had been telling him. There was something about this woman that was completely intoxicating, and it wasn't just her physical appearance. True, physically he had met very few women who could compare to her, but her allure somehow went far beyond that. After just three months in her company, Zander was beginning to understand why Zevran would risk losing all to be with her.

In a few weeks, his true mission would be over; if all went according to plan, whoever was behind these attacks would be taken care of, leaving him free to return to Antiva. Eriana seemed to be doing better, and Zander was sure she'd be fine with his leaving. However, he was beginning to imagine what it would be like if he stayed at her side here in Amaranthine. His work with the Crows may suffer a bit as Ferelden was a country at peace so there was very little demand for assassins at the moment, but that was beginning to be less significant as the prospect of remaining with this Warden was becoming more and more desirable. In the back of his mind, he knew the day would come when Zevran would return for his Warden, but there was a chance Zev would be killed in his attempt to overthrow the Crows. He was, after all attempting to assassinate some of the most celebrated assassins in Antiva; there was no guarantee of success. Perhaps that was why Zev had left Eriana out of his plans. Better to begin to move on than to cling to a hope that may never come. True, he risked losing her either way, but perhaps this was the kinder course.

Beside him, the blonde elf began to stir, her pert, warm body rubbing sensually against his as she snuggled deeper into his embrace. Zander's body immediately responded as he tightened his hold on her. No, leaving her would not be an easy thing to do, but regardless, he was going to enjoy what time they had left. All questions as to whether this was what Zevran had in mind when he had told his best friend to see to all her needs fled from Zander's mind as he shifted their bodies so that he was above her, nestled between her perfect legs. She groaned as he playfully thrust against her, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him in for a kiss.

It would be well into mid morning before the pair of elves emerged.

~~~~0~~~~

"I believe the time has come to put our plan into action," Zander said to the Wardens assembled in Warden Commander's office. "I've been contacted by the emissaries who initially came to me to discuss abducting Eriana, and they have given me a location where I am supposed to bring her."

Eriana sighed and glanced over at Nathaniel. "So what's the plan?"

Nathaniel leaned forward on the couch, resting his elbows on his knees. "Zander escapes with you during the night, but it will need to be convincing just incase there's someone watching the keep and following you."

"Which there likely is," Zander pointed out.

"So I'll be tied up, bound, the whole nine yards?"

Nathaniel nodded. "Zander will then steal one of our horses and take you to the drop. We will find your room empty and ransacked the next morning and raise an alarm; then we follow after. Zander will stay with you, leaving a trail for us to follow."

"Ramoth will be helpful with making that look convincing," Eriana pointed out. "He's really in tuned to my scent, so he should be able to lead you. Besides, you have been a Warden long enough to sense me if I'm relatively close."

"Perhaps you should bring along that Warden from the Free Marches as well; he has been a Warden far longer than the rest of you so his senses would be sharper," Zander suggested.

"Not a bad thought," Eriana said. "Oghren would want to come as well."

"That's putting it mildly isn't it," Nathaniel said. "I don't think there's anything in this world that could keep Oghren from coming with us; if for no other reason than to get a chance to prove that he was right. I also think we should bring some mages, Niko at least; his shifting abilities and offensive spells would come in handy if we get into a fight. He's not the strongest healer we've got, but hopefully we won't be needing healing, not if everything goes according to plan."

"Sounds like a plan," Zander said, collecting his things. "I'll make contact and let them know when I plan to make the drop. Hopefully, we'll be able to ferret out whoever is truly behind this. I'll see you in a few days, and we can finalize the plans."

"Sounds good," Eriana said as the other elf made his way out of the office. "I'll see you soon."

Once he was gone, the elf plopped down on the couch next to Nathaniel, leaning into her fellow rogue as he wrapped an arm around her. "So, you want to talk about what's bothering you, or should I just guess."

Eriana grinned, "You know me too well, Nate. Don't worry, I'll be fine. I guess that it just hit me that once this is done, there's no reason for Zander to stick around. He'll probably head back to Antiva once this is all over."

"Perhaps," Nathaniel conceded, wrapping his arm around the elf. "But there is a branch of the Crows here in Ferelden; he may decide to stay." He glanced down at the elf beside him. "Would that be something that you would want, for him to stay?"

Eriana sighed softly. "I don't know, maybe; I mean it's been, what, nearly two years since Zevran left. Maybe it's time I started to move on."

"And you think Zander is the right choice for you?"

Sighing, Eriana gave a small shrug. "I honestly don't know. Spending these past few weeks with him has been wonderful, but, Nathaniel, he is so like Zevran in so many ways: his voice, his accent, the way he touches me. If I'm not careful, I can just forget that it's not him. I can close my eyes, and it's almost like he never left."

"Do you?"

A blush crept up Eriana's cheeks. "Not as much as I used to. Sometimes, Nate, I just can't help it. It's so easy to pretend, and in the moment, it's so perfect. I feel so at ease and safe in the moment, but it's only temporary because the illusion is lost the instant that I open my eyes. Then it hurts all over again."

"Then why let yourself do it, imagine that you're with Zev? I mean, if you know it's going to hurt, why allow yourself the illusion in the first place?"

"Because the illusion is so sweet," Eriana said with a sigh. "Also, it was keeping me from getting too attached to Zander himself."

"Why would you want to do that? I mean, it seems that the last few weeks have been good for you; Zander has been good for you. Why purposefully distance yourself from that?"

"In all honesty, I have been afraid of letting him get too close, of letting him in because I knew that this was only temporary. Once we found out who was behind this, he was gone. So I focused on the benefits of this temporary relationship, and tried to keep myself as distant as possible."

"Has it worked?"

"In a way, yes. I know you can see it; I'm starting to feel normal for the first time in ages." A smile crept over her face. "I'm starting to feel like myself again instead of just feeling numb all the time, and Zander has helped me see that. I just don't want to fall back into my old habits once he leaves."

Nathaniel wrapped his arms around her, planting a quick kiss on her forehead. "You are a strong woman, Eriana. The things you've been through over the past few years are enough to overwhelm anyone. There are times when I look at you and I'm amazed that anyone could still standing after all that. If being with Zander helps you in dealing with everything, I say do whatever it takes." He stroked the hair back off her hair a bit as she thought about what he was saying.

"I don't know if it's just Zander himself or if it's just feeling validated again. I do like Zander, and it's not just because he reminds me of Zevran. Maybe it's because he makes me feel special once again. Perhaps once all this is over, I can start to figure all this out, but for now, we need to focus on everything that's going on. Talk to Garen about tracking methods. We will need a back up method just in case they don't let Zander come along."

"Don't worry, everything will be fine."

If he had only known.

~~~0~~~

Two weeks later, Eriana found herself blindfolded and bound on the back of a horse leaning back against Zander's chest. "I know the blindfold was necessary, but did I really need to be in a night shirt?"

"I couldn't very well let you wear your armor, now could I? You have so many gadgets built into that thing that there was no way I could subdue you for very long. Plus, if I had given you time to change, they would have known something was up. Besides, this way I get to feel your smooth legs any time I want."

"That may be, but it's rather cold."

"Don't worry, love; I'll warm you up once this is all over," Zander hissed in her ear. "Now, hush; we're approaching the drop point and you are supposed to be a captive, not a willing participant."

"Whatever you say."

An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of Eriana's stomach as Zander slowed the horse. She could tell that they had entered a clearing already filled with what sounded like ten to fifteen men. Behind her, Zander tensed a bit as well, but the calm, easy sound of his voice betrayed no discomfort. "One Warden commander, alive and kicking as promised," he said as he dismounted, leaving her alone on the horse.

Large, strong hands grabbed her arms and pulled her roughly from the horse before dumping her to the ground. She landed with a dull thud as all the air was knocked from her lungs. "And well done, too," said the all too familiar voice of Hayden Temmerly. "It looks like she gave you minimal problems."

"Once you have her trust, she is all too easy to control," Zander said cooly.

"Bastard," Eriana hissed up at Zander. "I trusted you."

"Well, I won't be needing your trust to make you submit," Temmerly said, pulling the hood off her head. Eriana blinked at the sudden bright light as she looked up at the sadistically grinning nobleman. "Bet you're wishing you'd had me executed, now, don't, ya, you knife-eared slut."

"So, you've been behind this all along?" Eriana sneered. "It seems above your creative ability."

"Nope, I just get to reap the rewards and be there to see you draw your last breath."

"Ah, there are few things in life more satisfying than watching one who has caused you such trouble finally get what is coming to them. And watching one as fair as this draw her last breath, there is nothing like it. I assume our deal is still in place," Zander asked, turning to the nobleman. "I deliver the girl, and I get to meet your accomplice as well as see her death throes. I'm sure they won't compare to seeing her in the throes of passion, but it will come close. Besides, the Crows would like to know that the job is done, good for business, you know."

"Yes, well about that," Temmerly said with a wave of his hand as two bolts from a crossbow embedded into the elf's chest, piercing the leather armor he was wearing and carrying him to the ground. A shout erupted from Eriana's throat as Zander began to bleed out, his blue eyes fixed on her.

"I'm afraid I've had to alter our arrangement. No offense, but it seems that screwing this one seems to screw with your better judgment." Temmerly cast a lecherous look in her direction. "Not that that should be a problem with me mind you, as I intend to take full benefit of her incapacitated state."

Eriana began to struggle in earnest against her bindings, but Zander had secured her too tightly. Temmerly glanced down at her and laughed. "Strip her and make sure her scent is distributed among those three carriages to confuse that mutt of hers.

Before she could move to protest, the thin shift had been pulled off her along with every other stitch of clothing she was wearing. A few of the men had hit her, spearing her blood on the carriages. Once they finished, Temmerly secured a gag in her mouth before throwing her into a large canvas bag. "Don't worry, Commander," he hissed into the bag. "I don't plan to kill you just yet. We're going to have some fun before we do that."

With that, Temmerly tied off the top of the bag, enveloping Eriana in darkness as the bag was hoisted up and tossed into a chest. The world around her began to shift as the wagon she was in began to move. Around her, the sounds of three other wagons going in all directions faded into the distance. With Zander gone, now she could only hope that Nathaniel could track her down before Temmerly could finish with her or before his accomplice could show up.


End file.
